Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Guest song: Perfect Liar

From a reader:



I’m drawn to the scent of sin and pa~ssion
To pay for it I swore to live and bear a cross forever more
You stumble, mess up again, you know you’re lea~ving me dry
The honey from the flower that blooms at night, what’s that, is it too bitter for you?

I am on full alert
Do~n’t let me get hu~rt
Leave me in good repair, ‘cause I’m a girl you gotta share

All~ the sins that I have piled up
All~ the skins that I have grinded on
I~f you looked between the gaps you sometimes could see
The sca~rs

The face that hides behind this gorgeous mask
Is something that you’ll never need to ask
It doesn’t matter, ‘cause I’ll lie to you anyways
Till you go insane

Your car with tha~t bla~ck paint job
You really think I’m so shallow that I’ll be satisfied with that?
But sti~ll, at night I will let you do with me what you like
And in return, just tell me one decent joke to make me laugh, well, can’t you do that?

I~ll pull out my fangs
Ligh~tly bite on your skin~
But you don’t mind because you’re such a masochist at heart?

There are too many men for me to say
I could just pick and toss them all away
That little fantasy about me you try to hide
It’s fa~ke

I o~bey you like a helpless dog
And through my cat-like eyes I laugh along
You really think that you’ve got me locked onto your leash?
Well, thi~nk again

Thi~s scenario that I’ve devised
Is like that drama where the boyfriend dies
So hold on tight to your false illusion o~f me
And rest now

All~ the sins that I have piled up
All~ the skins that I have grinded on
I~f you looked between the gaps you sometimes could see
The sca~rs

The face that hides behind this gorgeous mask
Is something that you never need to ask
It doesn’t matter, ‘cause I’ll lie to you anyways
Till you go insane

And with a skillful cut that’s cleaner than even those that past etched into me
I’ll finally emerge, show you what’s behind the shell
Take that secret with you to hell

320 comments:

  1. means goodbye then ?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Where my loyal cock lovers at?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cockmaster is Ukan.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nope, Ukan is Jimmy, remember?

    ReplyDelete
  5. How does it feel to know that I have left you so paranoid that you are speculating whether i'm the cock master or not? Does it give your own lifes value?

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Ukan

    It makes my cock hard...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lets clink glasses to that anon.

    *Clink*

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ukannot, how does it feel to know that you're so insignificant that people are speculating whether you are somebody by the name of 'cockmaster?'

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey! Cockmaster is bitching....leave him alone...or her?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ukan be a junkie.

    He thinks dats real funky.

    When he see's me.

    He thinks, "Aw sheet!"

    Cause a kick his mama's ass.

    Whilst I let him slide past.

    I'm black to attack.

    Meanwhile he talks whack.

    His wife be cooking bread.

    Whilst keeping her legs unspread.

    Who can blame da boy?

    For not wanting to break in that toy.

    Shizzle out. Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I found it funny when Missus said earlier that her husband would love to drive someone to kill themselves...Well, he almost achieved that in you, did he not? Guffaw out loud my friends.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ukan wants to fuck Medusa. Literally!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yes, but he walked away for a year after he saw that happening and what he was doing to her. So the story goes.

    ReplyDelete
  14. It involves certain regulars and a tub of chocolate ice cream, some vaseline, a shovel and a first aid kit. Want to watch?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Medusa, may I bow down to you and kiss your ass?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Nursey rhymes for you.November 9, 2011 at 11:09 PM

    12345, once I caught a socio alive.

    678910, then I let him go again.

    Why did you let him go? Because he bit at my insecurities so.

    Which insecurities did he bite? This insecurity that's full of shite.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Everyones rowdy tonight..

    ReplyDelete
  18. No, no. It has to be as YOU wish. You are the SW queen. I'm your lowly, sub slave.

    ReplyDelete
  19. so the ukans troll as trolls together for the medusas at sw.

    Poor things

    ReplyDelete
  20. The SW porno will involve-

    A strap on.
    Three packs of gummy bears.
    A hatchet.
    A flash light.
    A few sticks of gum.
    A shovel (standard practice).
    At least one hairy ass.

    ReplyDelete
  21. medusa who has a bigger cock, him or the missus?

    ReplyDelete
  22. This insecurity that's full of shite.


    omg

    that's rough. I am going to off myself now.

    ReplyDelete
  23. uh Hullo, the Missus.

    Maybe he's having the kid out of his ANOOSE.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ukan farted then blamed it on his dog named Kanney.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'll shake your hand if you shake my cock, Missus.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Nobody cares WHO the cockmaster is, Ukannot.


    But now that we know it's you, Ukan (sex slave to the Missus)

    I like what you like...

    ReplyDelete
  27. I wear the pants bur don't tell him!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Why's everyone talking crap tonight? Lets have an intellectual debate about who has the biggest cock. Place your bets.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I had to train those dammned ugly dogs , dammned him and his 2 inch floppy diiiiiick!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Does that mean that Ukan likes cock if he's the Cockmaster?

    ReplyDelete
  31. I am the only socio who can get bootleg cialis. My dick is a solid 4 1/2 inches, you bitch. I knew it wouldn't taker long for this to happens.. My own wife turns on me !

    Oh shit here she comes

    ReplyDelete
  32. it is 2 inches without cialis, and longer with it. She goes on the cialis runs with me.. We import it from canada .. I am in full confession mode here people.... very vulnerable.

    ReplyDelete
  33. The left one is more sensitive.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Confess to taking it up the arse with a black, leather strap on, Ukan.

    ReplyDelete
  35. yes he lies cock. He likes 3-somes. SHe picks th thids . She picks men, yo. Or girls with huuuuuuuuuuuge strapons for his hairy crack. He likes the anal stimu.

    ReplyDelete
  36. She hasn't called him Bunny in a while or talked about cooking bread.....

    ReplyDelete
  37. He gets yo yoed up the A hole.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I want some bannaannnna[sic] bread right now. With walnuts, toasted with a lot of butter.

    I wonder, do you think that was innuendo?

    ReplyDelete
  39. O K ok I like big fat black men up my arse. I have a thing for gigantic nigger dick.
    my old man got n dick and we used to watch--my siblings and I-- while my dad enjoyed black cock up his arse. I am a chip off the old dick . I mean block. Fuck i am all flusterred! Where are you , Missus!!

    Save me, wife!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Sweetcheeks has an imaginary friend named Frank.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I am not imaginary, My Sweet.I am real. And I am right here.

    ReplyDelete
  42. That sounds like a fulfilling childhood, Ukan. I never would have thought black men were your thing. I thought you would've like big, muscular, pale, ginger haired mechanics...Plus, I thought you'd be more into ball groping.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Frank, I need you right now. I'm so horny for you.

    ReplyDelete
  44. "whilst keeping her legs unspread"

    The "whilst" gets me every time,
    Shizzle

    ReplyDelete
  45. I'm still cracking up at "Chip off the old dick"

    ReplyDelete
  46. Maybe Ukan's arsehole is so nig because that's where he hides the drugs?

    ReplyDelete
  47. No the darkier the better. I'm sick and tired of the uppity black folk. The ones who know their place sort of just "find " me. They'd like to worship my cock, but it's a bit of a joke, cause mine's well..

    it's obvious when with them I should be suckig their. So....it's human nature that the biggest cock in the room is the one that gets sucked .. i give a pretty good bj.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Medusa, your alleged innuendo has turned me on...What do you presume to do about it?

    ReplyDelete
  49. You wrap your big cherry lips round them shits, eh Ukan?

    ReplyDelete
  50. Yyyeah, my ass is loose. The Missus puts the drugs up hers .SHe's younger , hers is tighter; I eat like shit, my feces is runny. I just have a giant arsehole and tiny cock .

    unique!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Maybe Shizzle and Ukan would be good lovers.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Medusa will make you scream, Ukan.

    ReplyDelete
  53. I'll make you scream, boy.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Because Medusa has the biggest dick in the history of all dicks.

    ReplyDelete
  55. that's what I want, bbc. More than you know.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Loose ass, tiny cock

    ReplyDelete
  57. Ukan lets out glorious high pitched howl to the moon as soon as wife starts sucking on his titties.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Strange Fetish ConfessionsNovember 10, 2011 at 12:13 AM

    Ukan likes getting his arse stuffed with bread by his big black lover..The bread cooked by his wife..She looses out.

    ReplyDelete
  59. I think you guys had too much faggot surgery.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Can you stuff my arse too?

    ReplyDelete
  61. He is a male soprano/castrato

    ReplyDelete
  62. "I think you guys had too much faggot surgery."

    Says the biggest cock in the land, ladies and gentlemen.

    ReplyDelete
  63. *Sniff, sniff*

    What's that smell? Jesus, was that you Medusa? *Wafts air with hand* What the hell have you been eating, girl? It's that bananna bread, isn't it? *Edges out the room. Hand at nose* I told you not to. Your body doesn't agree with it.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Goodnight anon. Come back later and we'll fuck around on this thread again :P

    ReplyDelete
  65. Yes I am Jesus. Thank you for recognizing.

    ReplyDelete
  66. I thought I recognised that beard that you're sporting, Medusa.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Ukan is a.....

    Faggoty, bitch made, tight arsed, fat headed, stupid, crusty eyed, vague, fucked up, vile, piss headed, slack jawed, pussy whipped, cum bucketed, uninteresting, crooked, foul junkie bastard who lets his wife ride all over the SW crew with her splintered strap on made of oak, which serves as a great punishment tool when it nears the worn out stage and has become unbearably rough and splintered for Ukans tight and delicate little arsehole which is nicely perfumed with the old granny scent of Lavender and has cute little tatoo on one cheek of a purple butterfly, which reminds him of his time on prison when he got roughly taken up the ass then forced to get the tatoo as proof that he was his rapist inmates property like all the other good little bitches who realised that they should've just appreciated the good old days of having their ass shoved with bread by their wife and thus earning the nickname bunny from the hopping to bed with the bread up the ass that has been so heavnly tainted with a whole manner of lovely gems and romantic interests, who weren't quite as weak as the Missus who was too busy trying to choke herself with the bread when she realised she was driven to suicide by the sight of Ukans high up, hairy, bare ass in bed with another man who had enough 'black' and cock for the whole of Africa x2and then some. As she stuffed the bread down her soiled throat she thought of the happy times to come but then had second thought with cries of, "I can beat this!" And thus, she continued her journey of self discovery by marrying into an empty marriage filled with cold, meaningless cock sucking, manipulation, and of course, bread making...The spark fizzled out just like the imaginary wife who prefered her splintered starp ons and bread to a full blown, black hammering....

    And you can quote me on that son!

    ReplyDelete
  68. Quick! Someone say something intelligent!.......Cock?

    ReplyDelete
  69. I love how I affect you anons. Just like a lot of victims, you deflect your own misery with humour. What gives it away is your chosen targets and your poor attempt to shock.

    ReplyDelete
  70. What gives it away is the stench from your ass. I mean, come on bro! Chill with the bread! You know it makes your ass all gassy and cock all sweaty.

    ReplyDelete
  71. You got no style boyNovember 10, 2011 at 2:42 AM

    Nope, we deflect the fact that you have offended everyone here with:

    Bad hair cut.
    Nasty shoes.
    Cheap cologne.
    Busted watch.

    Now, get a decent hair cut, buy some expensive cologne, nice shoes and new watch! Then we'll see how we're feeling around you. If you break these rules ever again Ukan, you'll have more than a busted watch, let me tell you.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Kanney's little whoreNovember 10, 2011 at 2:50 AM

    Kanney, can you give me a dime?

    Just one night to make you mine.

    For five hours how much will it cost?

    I want to make you into my boss.

    You can ride me like a cart shipping bread.

    You kept on going till eventually, I bled.

    I felt numb ever since, between my legs.

    I promised I wouldn't let myself beg.

    But you made me into your bunny.

    I lick your butt hole till you think it's funny.

    And now I need to know...

    Your orders before I should go.

    ReplyDelete
  73. From yesterday:

    Medusa:

    "Lol, right. Then why the novel?"

    Not because of what you think, that's for sure. I just felt like it. Why did you write this to me? Be3cause YOU care?


    MissKanney,

    and here's another one I don't know who feels compelled to come and tell me what my motives are:

    "Woooow. What an interesting day. Zhawqs got to come out and tell us in an essay on the human dynamic why he doesn't care that he's competing for the position of biggest"

    I said no such thing. NO reason to argue with you, you can't even quote me correctly.

    UKan:

    "Zhawq we gave you proof on this forum and on your blog and you got scared and deleted all of it."

    No, you did not. I told you several times it was not proof, but you persisted, and with the help of someone else who most likely doesn't post here anymore you found shit that only proves I have seen those texts, not that I wrote them.

    You can't make something something it is not, no matter how hard you try, but you didn't care for any truth, it's as simple as that. If you had, you would've asked, you didn't.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Zhawq, you are H-O-T.

    ReplyDelete
  75. H-standing for Horribly-O-standing for Orange-T standing for Tranny.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Work was going on in the apartment above me, hammering ... thank g'd it has stopped. I was starting to panic, had to take an alprazolam, where would I flee to this afternoon to escape the noise ... I can't stand the noise of hammering, screaming children, people slamming doors ... All this ordinary noise is like torture to me.

    I'm calm again now ...

    I couldn't agree more with this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb3e7MhHjR0

    ReplyDelete
  77. NPD --

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YX2WX1TaNM

    ReplyDelete
  78. Banana bread or bread pudding?

    ReplyDelete
  79. lol i was the other cocky anon from the beginning way back when

    sorry, it is just meant to be

    ReplyDelete
  80. BPD --


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL3rfk2iFww

    ReplyDelete
  81. am iz a beeper? hmmmmmm

    ReplyDelete
  82. I want to marry a borderline

    ReplyDelete
  83. teh narc girl is fugly and pisses me off

    ReplyDelete
  84. to beat and to fuck?

    ReplyDelete
  85. and be my house cleaning slave

    ReplyDelete
  86. sorry but m bad at that and i would blow you brains out if you hit me

    ReplyDelete
  87. Here's one for UKan:

    UKan, you wrote at PW:

    I found yet another post from your site in which you say that you were raped and abused as a autistic person.

    You then go on to "quote" I don't know what, but it certainly isn't me:

    "They'll invade me because I ... let(?) ... them?? But I don't let them!! They quickly enough find out that I have no one around me who'll help me stop abusive behavior from my surroundings, and then the game is on. No, I don't let them!! ... And yet, when I begin to venture out ... there they'll be. This has happened more than once in my life (I'm 50)..."

    and yadda yadda, on and on you go:

    "... that their abuse is your fault!! ******* '^L^, Puzelle. ******* ...)

    Now tell me, UKan, where is the proof that I have been raped, that I am 50, that my name is Puzelle, that I am autistic, that I was the one who used the home-made smiley in that text: " '^L^, " (assuming it's real)?

    And you end this tirade thus:

    The truth is always out there Zwaq even if you deny it to yourself. You are all over the place. We have your eating disorder blog too.

    It's easy to see this is an open lie! Psychopathic Writings is my only website with any content (not counting Twitter, Youtube and Disqus). Other than that I have a test site which isn't open for public view.

    If you believe me to be so incredibly stupid that I will keep a blog like Psychopathic Writings, plus a test blog that I know how to put on non-public display, and yet leave blogs about me having eating disorders and rape and autism on top of this, you are more prone to not using your head than even I gave you credit for.

    I saw you as a hothead who don't think before you lash out. But even now you keep thinking you have proved anything about me?

    C'mon, man, this is too moronic even for you! Or maybe your ambition is merely so low that all you aim for is to convince the most stupid teens that you're a real sociopath king, and everybody else must therefore be smaller than you, one way or another, even if you have to lie about them?

    I fail to grasp that you can be this dumb, UKan!

    More interesting, if you were sure this text proves anything, why didn't you dare me to disprove it?

    "The truth is out there". Indeed. But you surely aren't interested in finding it. If you were, you would've asked me about the truth rather than claim you already knew it.

    Those who didn't want the truth but pretended that they did, demanded I explain. We both know that's not how things work. You don't start a flame campaign, bring along slander (Texts and names from other websites) and then demand people explain to you.

    Those who were interested in the truth understood this and wrote me in private.

    You were not one of them.

    If you'll now claim that it would have been too much work to write me personally, you'll make yourself look hilarious, for you took plenty of time to keep this going even when I said stop and blocked slanderous comments.

    I am NOT the one who's in the wrong in this case! You, and a couple of others who also jumped the bandwagon, (not counting the mere followers), are.

    ReplyDelete
  88. maybe iz suffocate you wit my stuffed aminals

    ReplyDelete
  89. "BPD --


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL3rfk2iFww"

    Lol.

    ReplyDelete
  90. how can something with no arms legs tongue hearing and sight blow my brains out? you'r not making sense
    please marry me i promise i wont use any sharp items after we're married i will cook breakfast everyday when im home!

    ReplyDelete
  91. maybe haven iz gut for u

    ReplyDelete
  92. Anon 3:19,

    that was a H.O.T. thing to say! ;)

    You know, most of those who lick the tuff guys' asses around here are too timid to show if they think someone who isn't among the official local socio-kings is hot or says something true or interesting.

    Since that bland slander that went on a few months ago, there are even a few who don't even post at Psychopathic Writings anymore because they're afraid they'll get in the line of fire. Funny that, because some of them are also among those who does most to seem real tuff and socio themselves. lol

    It's those who don't care about others' reactions that have what it takes, and you are one of those! The rest may seem socio and tuff all they like, but it'll never be more than a show. ;)


    Anon 3:51,

    why don't we buy your idiocy? Maybe it's because it just doesn't cling right. lol

    ReplyDelete
  93. lol k well as long as you don't use sharp objects luv

    ReplyDelete
  94. I saw the remarks on flush and shakes when running into someone you had a thing with in the past. Flush and sort of out of body kind of experience happened to me once in the past when I ran into a past love story, but the shakes I am curious about.

    I ran into an old friend recently and noticed that his hands were shaking during the first five minutes of our meeting. We met a week later, this time planned, and I saw no shakes. Strangely, soon after that I ran into another guy and his hands were shaking in the first ten minutes also.

    How are the shakes you're talking about? Is the shake in the hands? If not in the hands, are they visible or just an internal feeling of shake up?

    By the way, I really enjoy this place when people are sharing as opposed to fighting. I sure have the ability to fight and pretty much enjoy the fight while it happens, but I don't crave for fighting. Seeing others fight also hurts me deeply since it takes me back to the sadness of the household when I was growing up. I am working on tolerating, or better put dissociating from the hurt side of it.

    So, to me that is my weakness, excessive sensitivity when shit starts hitting around. I don't get panic attacks, never have. Curious when I said something to that effect that UKan refers to. Would sure love to read that.

    ReplyDelete
  95. UKan, you wrote at PW:

    I found yet another post from your site in which you say that you were raped and abused as a autistic person.

    Now this is an open lie. I don't have any other sites than Psychopathic Writings, and there is nowhere on Psychopathic Writings that I have claimed to having been raped or abused or being autistic.

    You then go on to "quote"... I don't know what, but it certainly wasn't me:

    "They'll invade me because I ... let(?) ... them?? But I don't let them!! They quickly enough find out that I have no one around me who'll help me stop abusive behavior from my surroundings, and then the game is on. No, I don't let them!! ... And yet, when I begin to venture out ... there they'll be. I write "they". This has happened more than once in my life (I'm 50)..."

    Yadda yadda, on and on you go, eventually getting to this point:

    "... that their abuse is your fault!! ******* '^L^, Puzelle. ******* ...)

    Now tell me, UKan, where is the proof that I have been raped, that I am 50, that my name is Puzelle, that I am autistic, that I was the one who used the home-made smiley: " '^L^, "?

    And you end this tirade thus:

    The truth is always out there Zwaq even if you deny it to yourself. You are all over the place. We have your eating disorder blog too.

    The only websites I have is Psychopathic Writings and a test blog (which isn't open for public view).
    If you believe me to be so incredibly stupid that I will keep a blog like Psychopathic Writings plus a test blog that I know how to put on non-public display, yet leave blogs about me having eating disorders, having been raped and having autism, then you use your head less than even I gave you credit for.

    I saw you as a hothead who didn't think before you lash out. But you still think you have proved anything? This is simply too moronic even for you!

    Maybe your ambition is merely so low that all you want is for the most stupid teens to believe you're the most tuff socio around here? I fail to grasp you can be this dumb.

    More interesting, if you were sure this was proof of anything, why didn't you dare me to disprove it?

    "The truth is out there". Indeed. But you're not interested in finding it. If you were, you would've asked me about it rather than claim you already knew it.

    Some pretended they wanted to know and demanded I "explain". But everybody knows you don't accuse people of things and bring texts and names from other websites into their domain and then demand that THEY explain. Those who did want to know the truth wrote me in private and asked.

    You were not one of them.

    You may claim it would've been too much time and effort, but no one buys that, UKan. You spend plenty of time ditching slander and accusations even after I said stop and blocked slanderous posts from my website.

    ReplyDelete
  96. This was a quotation:

    I found yet another post from your site in which you say that you were raped and abused as a autistic person.

    Just clarifying in case someone feels like twisting things a little. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  97. ive seen pictures of haven shes HOT
    but i've only got eyes for you my love wait for me i will find you just wait

    ReplyDelete
  98. She's a little hardbody. Still below average looking.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Doesnt the fact that she has bpd makes her more tractive? the only downside is she is self-aware
    it is only fun when they think they are normal

    ReplyDelete
  100. have uz been wit a beeper irl

    ReplyDelete
  101. You know David, not being able to stand loud noises is pretty fucking autistic.

    ReplyDelete
  102. Why is Zhawq so defensive?

    ReplyDelete
  103. looks like Scelli and Zhawq are responding to UKan's lies.

    ReplyDelete
  104. I am watching this whole thing in quite a state of amazement. missus k has come on the scene and sweetcheeks, medusa and eden suck up to her like there is no tomorrow.


    miss k even insults these people and they bounce up like plastic pop up toys to suck her dick. I thought each of these woman was such a bad ass. Maybe, the one you call weak such as zhawq is really the strong ones because they he doesn't suck dick like the weak aforementioned woman.


    Funny how strength can be more than talking shit.

    ReplyDelete
  105. wow, someone's jealous.

    ReplyDelete
  106. zhawq is very emotional for being a psycho - that says it all

    ReplyDelete
  107. Another boring day in this boring episode of my life;

    I noticed that I pick up accents from other languages quiet easy. Although I have family that is French, we never spoke French at home, nevertheless I speak fluent French without an accent.

    This afternoon I was reading some articles in Time magazine loud up to practice my English, and I came to the conclusion that my job is done. I speak fluent American English that good that I could easily fool most non-Americans into being an American. The advantage is that so many Americans are some kind of import so it doesn't have to be 100% flawless. So I guess this job is done, reading so much American magazines and listening to CNN did pay off.

    This whole afternoon I've been working on my Hebrew pronuncation, so next time I wear a kippah the whole act is even more credible. When reading some Hebrew sentences loud I again am amazed how many accents I already picked up so well by listening to Hebrew music, ... So this whole afternoon I've been practicing the 'ch' like in 'chayi'.

    So this was a totally off topic update on this boring episode of my life. Enjoy:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu1XLUK6Jf4&ob=av2e

    ReplyDelete
  108. looks like Scelli and Zhawq are responding to UKan's lies.

    Well sometimes somebody just feel like point out a few things, y'know. ;)


    Anon 7:48:

    zhawq is very emotional for being a psycho - that says it all

    You don't say anything, that much is clear. You have no idea what I feel or don't feel. Write me a one letter word and I can write emotionality into it. That's called projection, and if you know anything about communicating, you'll know that expressing things emotionally gets the message through.


    Ps. There is an article up this time! (connectivity issues yesterday)... '^L^,

    ReplyDelete
  109. no one here reads your blog. no one cares. people here only go there to terrorize you, when you are being a douche here.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Anon 11:59:

    Medusa, your alleged innuendo has turned me on...What do you presume to do about it?

    Well actually it turned me on too. I think Medusa should send us each a banana bread with walnuts. I'll take mine with only a little butter!... Would only be fair too! ;)

    (Good thing one doesn't have tendencies towards obesity, lol)

    ReplyDelete
  111. I read it. I am a regular.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Mmmm
    banana in cock =
    mushy sploshing.
    How very boooooring.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Anon 7:37:

    Maybe, the one you call weak such as zhawq is really the strong ones because they he doesn't suck dick like the weak aforementioned woman.

    Now there's a funny line. Don't recall ever being called weak, lol. But of course, on this board you never know. People will say anything to enhance their own image in the eyes of all those people they'll never meet. ;)

    Funny how strength can be more than talking shit.

    I'm totally with you there! I'd even emphasize it further and say talking shit is weakness! - But hey, that's not news to the strong. '^L^,

    ReplyDelete
  114. holy fuck me jesus

    ReplyDelete
  115. Anon 8:32:

    no one here reads your blog. no one cares. people here only go there to terrorize you, when you are being a douche here.

    Yaddayaddayadda. You've no idea what you're talking about. You're an empty bucket making a lot of empty noise. Go talk to somebody who care what you think and believe. I certainly don't.

    (Now he's going to write: "Zhawq cares, I know because he replied!". What an idiot, he's got no idea why I replied. Haha. Ah, what the hell...)

    ReplyDelete
  116. Zhawq you are my new god. Clearly, you are above childs play thus making you a true psycho.

    ReplyDelete
  117. your psychic powers have failed you Zhawq

    ReplyDelete
  118. I hate academics. That
    's why I can't gredumate collige

    ReplyDelete
  119. Zhawq are you really refuting all of the shite we dug up on you? Ha ha ha ha ha. How long has it been? As soon as Piles dropped the hammer it was on. I didn't take you out of the game it was a group effort, first off, so I'm not the one who you need to convince. It is every regular in here and every anonymous person that witnessed your dismantling, as well as M.E. The internet footprint you left behind was staggering, there is no possible way it's not you. You disappeared the exact day that we hit you with all that shite and ran to your site posting vague rebuttals and deleting anyone who showed proof otherwise. The funny thing is that you wouldn't delete our comments when it was just us calling you names. You just started deleting when we put links to the sites you had been to.
    You can't delete here though Zhawq and I'm glad you came back to be embarrassed even more.

    ReplyDelete
  120. He isn;t a psychic he a psycho

    ReplyDelete
  121. I hav no sweat. I embarase only tiny bit

    ReplyDelete
  122. For the last time Ukan. Your posts are shite. I am warning you. I will sick the Missus on you!

    ReplyDelete
  123. Your fucking face is on the front of it now Zhawq ha ha ha ha. Your terminator face. How can you deny it. She uses your name Zhawq, your nickname Amadraque, and your signature smiley face you have used here for a year. This isn't you? Because it's also linked to your fucking blogger account. Puzelle is you.
    Zhawqs other blog

    ReplyDelete
  124. Lies, lies, lies AGAIN, UKan!

    Where shall I even begin to take apart this shit you line up here?

    M.E. did not take part in this, M.E. is in fact one of those who took the effort to write me in person to find out what was true and what wasn't.

    I know who the "regular" is who dug those things up, and it wasn't you.

    So there's no way it isn't me? Now I am in the place to demand that you prove that! Come on, prove it!

    Do you have the guts to take it up with me in private where I may be actually able to exchange information with you that I don't have the right to do here?

    Let's see about that! My bet is you don't have the guts to admit you pulled the wrong bet and made a mistake.

    ReplyDelete
  125. What do you care, Ukan?

    ReplyDelete
  126. You say that you have no other blogger than psychopathic writings is a outright lie. You fat fucking pig. You claimed you were a murderer and a rapist? Really? Let me ask you a question I have been dieing to know, Zhawq:

    When did you start identifying as the person who raped you?

    ReplyDelete
  127. My fucking socks, you are easy, UKan. That is not my blog! I know the person who's blog it is, but that doesn't make it mine, you idiot. And no matter how many times you claim it is mine, it doesn't make so.

    Use you fucking head for once: If I was really the one behind that blog, and I wanted frantically to prove I haven't written anything like what is on that blog, don't you think I would take it off public view???

    Are you THAT dumb? You really think you can convince others of this?

    Sure, you HAVE convinced some... all the numb nuts. BUt that only proves what I already stated: You ambition level is WAY down there.

    How sad. You had potential, but I guess not.

    (Have we called in help from D. yet?)

    ReplyDelete
  128. Zhawq, are you a man or a woman? Also, what's your sexual preference? And is it true that you claimed to be a rapist and muderer? I'm just asking out of curiosity. I'm not attcking you.

    ReplyDelete
  129. I know the person who's blog it is, but that doesn't make it mine, you idiot.

    You are really making a fool of yourself here. So you just happen to know someone who sounds and writes just like you, with all the same idiosyncrasies? Are all your buddies kneeless bulemic aspies?

    Do you understand how randomly you are talking right now? Always are, really? Like you are refuting an imaginary person in your head and not Ukan? And why did you suddenly start talking about M.E.?

    ReplyDelete
  130. Anon 9:10,

    you ought to ask those questions at Psychopathic Writings (my website). Or you can simply go and read it. All the answers are there. I make no secret of what I am or of what I have done in the past.

    ReplyDelete

  131. I love supporting others and do so quite often. I've also helped some with the same problems as most of us here share, as well as some who were at the beginning to develop what could become Anorexia. And I know a lot of people feel the same way and do the same thing. The problem appears when I have weak periods and begin to slip.


    I've had Anorexia on and off since I was 15 or 16, but when I became disabled 10 years ago (I had a knee removed and haven't had money to get a knee implant yet) I began to get problems with my weight. I gained, and I also could not be physically active the way I used to. I used to be VERY active, and as a result I developed a depression when I could no longer run and do my work outs. With the depression came Binging, and though my depression is gone I still battle with Binging - especially during periods when I feel life is uninspiring, lonely and grey, and that happens a lot around the area where I live.....
    This article is also an encouragement to others like myself to grap this chance! ...

    *******

    If what I've written here peaks anybody's interest, please write me a word or two. I'm going to answer every single one and am very interested to hear from you all!
    ... And remember, it's not really about age, it's about maturity! So even though a certain age is a plus, everybody regardless of age (or of gender, race, or anything else one can think of) are more than welcome to respond and send me a line!


    Stay strong, stay smart about your EDs!...

    And remember: You are not alone!... '^L^,


    Posted by Zhawq at 2:17 AM

    Source

    Let me ask you something Zhawq? How does it feel sitting in your shit day after day, year after year? Just sitting there looking at that screen and making up stories about yourself so that people think you are something other than a fat fucking depressed old bitch who's lost in life on a constant basis. Does it help you cope?

    Can you cope anymore? You thought you had nothing left to take and he came and took the last dignity you had left. How did that make you feel? Angry? Ashamed? Resentful? Jealous? Yes, Jealous. It was jealousy wasnt it? That's why you came on here pretending to be a murderer and a rapist. You were jealous that you were powerless and he overcame you and fucked you while you laid there helpess to do anything. Then you hid in your flat typing blogs about how scared you were to leave your house. You wanted to be like him. Someone who didn't care. Someone the opposite of you because you care so much.

    ReplyDelete
  132. UKan:

    You say that you have no other blogger than psychopathic writings is a outright lie.

    Not it is not.

    You fat fucking pig. You claimed you were a murderer and a rapist? Really? Let me ask you a question I have been dieing to know, Zhawq:

    When did you start identifying as the person who raped you?


    You're proving MY point, idiot. lol

    ReplyDelete
  133. "So there's no way it isn't me? Now I am in the place to demand that you prove that! Come on, prove it!"

    You signed your name "Zhawq" at the bottom of that blog I found and you also had your name at the bottom of that post about you being raped I found (or one of the posts from puzzelle on the same site). You also have the name "Amadraque" on your twitter account. It's also exactly the same writing style along with your fruity little smiley faces you crippled cunt. The fact that you're denying it in the face of so much overwhelming evidence only goes to show how delusional and fucked up you really are. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  134. Can you cope anymore?

    I'm coping quite fine, UKan. And I don't even have to accuse others of lying without knowing the facts.

    You're the one with an issue here, not me. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  135. This is a serious question. Have you ever considered the possibility that you have DID?

    ReplyDelete
  136. I was wondering if we had any of those around here.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Medusa:

    You are really making a fool of yourself here. So you just happen to know someone who sounds and writes just like you, with all the same idiosyncrasies? Are all your buddies kneeless bulemic aspies?

    You know, I have been accused of writing like I don't know how many people I didn't even know. In this case it's different. There is a reason why I write like this person. I wonder, with your intellect, haven't you figured it out yet?

    Or are you, like UKan, too focused on pinning something weak to my identity? Why would I even bother telling you about it? If you want to deny the truth there's no stopping you. I of all know this. I've done it.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Misanthrope,

    this sounds like bullshit. It is either someone impersonating me, or there is another explanation.

    Show me the links.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Medusa:

    This is a serious question. Have you ever considered the possibility that you have DID?

    I have been diagnosed three times, Medusa. They don't all get it wrong every time.

    I am what I say I am.

    ReplyDelete
  140. UKan just gave you a link you fool. Every post has "by Zhawq" at the bottom. Search Zhawq Amadraque and you'll find your own twitter account. In fact you actually said that you go by the name of Amadraque once on Psychopathic writings so don't try to deny it.

    Oh and here's the site where I found your story about being raped and terrorised for years on end. This place is a goldmine. 7 pages of hilarious shit from you.

    http://www.wrongplanet.net/forumsearch_author-Puzelle-start-0.html

    ReplyDelete
  141. Diagnosed 3 times by your imagination, maybe?

    The links have been posted 50 million times, even while you are here. Why are you asking Misanthrope for them? Why do you have such strange blind spots?

    There is a reason why I write like this person. I wonder, with your intellect, haven't you figured it out yet?

    You keep asking why no one has asked you for the truth.

    The burden of truth is on you, dear. We have proof beyond a reasonable doubt. The burden is yours to prove otherwise.

    Regardless of that, fine, I'll ask. What exactly is the truth Zwang?

    ReplyDelete
  142. Yes, her psychopath blog used to be called Amadraque but it was a dismal failure, and also she used to post here under that name.

    ReplyDelete
  143. "Yes, her psychopath blog used to be called Amadraque but it was a dismal failure"

    Much like her current blog ^L^.

    ReplyDelete
  144. Misanthrope:

    UKan just gave you a link you fool.

    UKan gave me a link to another text, you fool. I asked you to show me a link to where someone says they have been raped and those other things you claim to have read, you fool!


    Medusa

    Diagnosed 3 times by your imagination, maybe?

    That's your prerogative to believe or not believe me. I see no reason to argue about it since I'm not going to provide proof (at least not at this point).

    I take it your serious question was a single event, then?
    From what I know about DID these people do not have a tendency to pretend or identify with disorders they don't have. If they do, that will be related to another PD, not to DID. - Again, this is from what I know of it, and I'm not particularly well versed in this disorder.

    Yes, her psychopath blog used to be called Amadraque but it was a dismal failure, and also she used to post here under that name.

    I know of only two others besides myself who have ever used the name AmaDraque, and neither of them write about psychopathy... unless there is someone new who entered the scene.
    Obviously I can't be everywhere, but that name was rare when we started using it ('we' is myself and two others).

    ReplyDelete
  145. I know of only two others besides myself who have ever used the name AmaDraque, and neither of them write about psychopathy

    Uh, that's what I said. AmaDraque is you. I don't get your point.

    Do we have another learning disabled person in our midst?

    ReplyDelete
  146. http://www.wrongplanet.net:80/postp2568862.html&highlight=#2568862

    There's your pathetic tale of abuse and rape Zwang. It's on that page, just scrawl down to Puzzelle's comment with the dorky game avatar. Now go ahead and deny that you're Puzzelle. Make yourself look even more stupid(if that's possible).

    ReplyDelete
  147. Misanthrope,

    so you found a post posted by Puzelle for me at an aspie forum. What of it? It's been up before and I told you then that I have asked questions at aspie forums via a friend.

    Oh, and here we go:

    Oh and here's the site where I found your story about being raped and terrorised for years on end. This place is a goldmine. 7 pages of hilarious shit from you.

    This is not me, you punk! You claim someone is me who doesn't even use my name!

    ReplyDelete
  148. What I love the most so far about you Zwang, is your interesting filtering system.

    You've been going off for two days now complaining that no one has asked you the truth (even though you could have just told it, imagine that, instead of getting passive aggressive about it two months later).

    I asked you the very question you wanted to hear at 9:38 and you replied everything but that question.

    ReplyDelete
  149. http://www.wrongplanet.net:80/postp2568862.html&highlight=#2568862

    That too was not written by me.

    You have to do better. So called Evidence isn't good enough when you accuse me of lying and of impersonating others.

    ReplyDelete
  150. so you found a post posted by Puzelle for me at an aspie forum. What of it? It's been up before and I told you then that I have asked questions at aspie forums via a friend.

    What the haha?!?! So you ask your kneeless pro-ana friend, Puzelle, to go to an aspie forum for you, because you have a question about yet another friend, who is an aspie? Why all the middle men?

    ReplyDelete
  151. "That was not written by me" doesn't really cut it, Zwang. Anyone can deny anything at any time. See: Clinton, Cain, any politician.

    It's your word against a bunch of other words of yours.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Uh. it has your name all over it, kid. i think it is hard to deny it when your blogger account is linked to the signature at the bottom.

    ReplyDelete
  153. "This is not me, you punk! You claim someone is me who doesn't even use my name!"

    Actually you do use that name right along side Puzelle (because you're stupid). How do you think we found you? Like I said you signed your posts from Puzelle on "Puzelle Writes" with "by Zhawq". There's also a post from Puzelle on that Wrong Planet forum with "Zhawq" at the bottom. I can dig it up if you like. And there are three different Amadraque's now? Just shut up.

    ReplyDelete
  154. Its not me!!! I'm telling you guys!! It's not me!!! I'm a real rapist and real murderer! Go to my website I'm telling you it's true!!

    ReplyDelete
  155. Still waiting, Zwang. What is the truth? I am asking you again, just as you wished.

    ReplyDelete
  156. Your pathetic Zhawq and I have to say one of the most pathetic people I have come across on this site. Why not admit it and tell us your real story. Tell us why you made a alter ego and pretended to be a psychopathic ex convict. That would actually be interesting. This denial shite is just ridiculous. Nobody here believes you. You should just come out with the truth and tell us what's going on up there. That's what this site is about. Why keep hiding anymore? It feels good to get it all off your chest, trust me.

    ReplyDelete
  157. "And why did you suddenly start talking about M.E.?"

    Because the inbred retards who come here, seem to think that M.E. is some supreme being... and if M.E. contacts them, it must mean there is some truth to the bullshit they spew. i remember Erin doing the same thing when she was exposed.

    M.E. contacted me everyone... M.E. wanted to know some stuff about me guys.... don't you feel stupid for not showing the same consideration as M.E.??

    lol

    ReplyDelete
  158. The truth will set you free Zhawq . It will help you heal, don't deny yourself the healing.

    ReplyDelete
  159. Hello Beautiful Sweet Cheeks. How is your job going? I hope they know what a living doll they have in you. I love you new picture, hun.

    ReplyDelete
  160. sometimes iz can't stop laughing once i start fur no reazons

    ReplyDelete
  161. M.E said he liked Medusa better than Eden. Feeling a little pissed?

    ReplyDelete
  162. Medusa (Part 1):

    You've been going off for two days now complaining that no one has asked you the truth (even though you could have just told it, imagine that, instead of getting passive aggressive about it two months later).

    Believe me, I see your point.
    But I wonder if you can see mine.

    At the time I was very interested in seeing if anybody would get the idea either as to the actual truth behind it all, or to simply ask me (not demand, but ask).

    Nobody ever did. They came to my website and persisted with posting slanderous content (such as what UKan above), quoting bits of text from other people's websites, posting their names and email addresses, and then De(fucking)manding that I explain!... At my own domain, after THEY had been slandering me and accusing me of shit, they come and demand I also explain how they are wrong.

    Things don't work like that, and I said so at the time. I even did the courtesy of adding that anybody who wanted to learn the truth were welcome to email me personally and I would tell them about the whole thing.

    You know what's funny? A lot of readers did email me, but none of those who flamed me. You, Misanthrope and UKan never send me a single line, never asked me anything. Just claimed how I was this and that, telling everybody the "proof" (<-- that's the so called evidence I'm talking about) you'd found.
    There was one single flamer who emailed me, the guy who did all the dirty work for the rest of you, but he didn't ask me about anything. He thought he already knew and that was all he said in his mail. Obviously I replied that it didn't have my interest, and there has been no exchange after that.

    Imagine you being in this position... seriously, Medusa...that you have done some work, put an effort into it, and suddenly someone like UKan uses that Misanthrope had expressed irritation over my style and his/her impression that I was trying to make people think I'm a 'good' person who can change (this is another story, but s/he was actually right at a certain level)... UKan used this as a jumping board to "call Zhawq out on being fake altogether", and a third person who had his own motives came along and fueled the pyre.

    ReplyDelete
  163. There is a reason why I write like this person. I wonder, with your intellect, haven't you figured it out yet?

    The most reasonable explanation would be that you were the rapist of this kneeless obese anorexic-wannabe, but she got all Stockholmy about it and became your personal assistant, and she's, like, been locked in the damp dark cellar of your house which is hidden in the dark remote fjords of Denmark or some shit.

    ReplyDelete
  164. Medusa (part 2):


    From this point on nothing I said was addressed with any serious intention of finding out about the truth. It was all about making Zhawq look like a fake and a liar. People even quoted me for things that I have never written or said.

    The point is, I wouldn't have gotten through with any explanation. As I say in the post above to you, anything I could have written in those days would have been twisted and turned against me. Again, you know as well as I do how easy it is to twist the meaning of something somebody says, if that's what you want to do.
    And believe me, that was what people wanted to do at the time.

    I'll say that I did notice your statements weren't only meant to discredit me, you actually meant what you wrote and believed the apparent evidence others came up with.

    But from my view point there were no reason to try and explain the real reason for my connection with the other texts posted elsewhere on the net, for several reasons.

    1. (as staed above): No one would have treated it as an explanation, but as more content to be twisted and used to discredit me.

    2. I was still curious to see if somebody came up with the actual truth, if only as a theory.

    And

    3. I found it was more in my favor to stop the commotion when I realized it had turned into a typical mindless masses smelling blood. There was nothing to gain from continuing, and my readers had begun to express discontent with the way things went.

    Those were my reasons for stopping, and for not bothering give any explanation... Not bothering, but certainly also not being willing to, since it was presented as a demand, not as an honest interest in getting to the truth.

    I concluded these were merely thoughtless kids who have a love for fun, for pursuing prey, for witnessing suffering and downing individuals - just like myself - but that they lacked the intellectual element that I crave and without which I become bored with people.

    I have personal reasons for setting my website above my possible being acknowledged or admired, and whatever, at any other website. And that more than anything is why I didn't continue but stopped before I had gotten to disclose how it actually all fits very neatly together... with my use of the smiley, the AmaDraque sur-name, and Puzelle's website which is linked to mine as well as her posting a question for me at an aspie forum.

    ReplyDelete
  165. "along with your fruity little smiley faces you crippled cunt"

    ROFL

    ReplyDelete
  166. Everything you have said Zhawq is unverified by anybody but you. You have no credibility at this point so how do you think your words are going to mean shite. Emails this and emails that. I find it passing strange that you haven't posted any explanation for anybody to see, except your one on one correspondence with imaginary friends. You haven't explained anything.

    Demanded? We didn't demand you explain yourself at all a couple of months ago. We just plastered all of your information all over the place and ridiculed you. Nobody has asked you to explain yourself at all till now, because you offered. However, here you are still unexplained. "It's not me" when you have something linked to a blogger account written over a year ago before we even knew you is not going to cut it as a explanation. Vague statements with a twist of flattery like, "There is a reason why I write like this person. I wonder, with your intellect, haven't you figured it out yet?" does not cut it either you fucking crippled retard. You are not manipulating people here you cunt. You are a fucking rape victim. Obviously your tussle with the last psychopath in your life didn't go well, what makes you think you can come here and start fucking around.

    ReplyDelete
  167. UKan, have you been a bully your whole life? In primary school, were you picking on smaller kids?

    ReplyDelete
  168. Zhawq cant you figure out the truth?
    Are you scared? What is the truth? Do you really want to know it?

    Why stop when you have a bunch of mindless little shits knocking on your door? That's a great opportunity to make some money, you wasted it.

    ReplyDelete
  169. abuse follows victims, like an evil stalker..

    ReplyDelete
  170. "UKan, have you been a bully your whole life? In primary school, were you picking on smaller kids?"

    I'd imagine he was a bully. People rarely change.

    ReplyDelete
  171. Zhawq why is it signed by you? You have not explained anything. You have posted yet another wall of text that is filled with vague fluff. You managed to say nothing in a comment so long it needed two parts. You haven't changed a bit. Here's some more SIGNED BY ZHAWQ your fucking blogger account:


    for one have been tired, leaning towards depression, and battling my Eating Disorder alone for so long I think it's time for a change. It's time we turn things around and get that out of our lives which we may not have thought possible earlier, but which is getting more and more possible by the month, week, or even day. There's absolutely no reason why we shall stay isolated and thinking that connecting with others with Anorexia, or Bulimia, or Binging, or with simply a weight problem, is only for young people......
    Stay strong, stay smart about your EDs!...

    And remember: You are not alone!... '^L^,


    Thin2Win.
    Posted by Zhawq at 2:17 AM 0 comments

    You are so weak. Look at your words, Zhawq. READ THEM. Read them and remember who you are; who you are trying to hide from. You fat fucking bitch. Did it hurt when he raped you? Did you cry or did you suck it up and take it?

    ReplyDelete
  172. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT'S NOT TRUE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    ReplyDelete
  173. Where's the story about the rape ukan or mis?

    ReplyDelete
  174. LoL. He had 0 comments. Even back then nobody read his crap.

    ReplyDelete

  175. I'd like to thank my first blog follower, C.C., for her kind words and her support.

    Here is what she wrote:



    I love that you've taken the time to so this(:

    anywho, I know your issues as they are similar to my own and many others as well!! I'm he same way where binges are bevr just a day they're a long period of time till I realize that beig skinnier and starving is WAAAYY better than this!!!

    You've just got to stop making excuses and say I'm getting back on towards my goals TODAY AND RIGHT NOW. The more you put it off the harder it is to get going. It's all mental and hunger is just an emotion.

    As for Twitter I don't think I can send you and invite/I don't know how haha so I followed you and so you can check my account out and send a request to follow and I swear I'll be prompt with the acceptance!!

    Thank you again, and be strong!!

    xxx
    C.C.

    ReplyDelete

  176. This is my reply:


    C.C.,

    Thank you so much for your kind reply! Of course I know what you say is all true - except, hunger is not only an emotion, it is a physical thing. But the emotional hunger that so many of us suffer from and battle with, that's the place to start. Once we can deal with that, we can deal with physical hunger as well. It's a two edged sword, and it can be hard to tell what is physical and what's emotional.

    But if you're physically overweight, then you can bet your life's savings that your feelings of hunger are emotional.

    There are ways to deal with it, I am researching this and I'm close to arriving at a possible way to deal with it completely. Once I have it in order I will start blogging more frequently, for I would love to get others involved as well as I know there're lives to be saved ... not only from a possible premature death due to consequences of mistaken ways of dieting, but from living with such deep sadness and despair as is so common to us who live with Anorexia or the Pro Ana life style.
    Posted by Zhawq at 2:01 AM 1 comments

    ReplyDelete
  177. The rape story is on this page by Puzelle:

    http://www.wrongplanet.net:80/postp2568862.html&highlight=#2568862

    Somebody copy and paste it.

    ReplyDelete
  178. I have the kicker Zhawq. The real damning piece. Refute this:


    Okay ... I have it set up and ready to go. My nick on Twitter is AmaDraque, just like here. Send me an invite and I'll join.

    It's so great to hear you're doing well with your fast. Actually it's so great that I feel knowing this may help me get back into line.
    It's been so strange lately ... You know, I usually eat every second day, and I've been losing steadily throughout spring and most of the summer.

    And then, suddenly ... I don't know what happened. I gave in for five days in a row because I was at dinner in connection to two birthday parties and I slept over at my friend's between them, which meant I had to eat food the content of which I had no control over.

    I didn't even fret that much because I've usually had an easy time getting back to my usual way of living. But this time ... for which ever reason, I got stuck on eating too much.

    Have you ever had binges? Before I lost weight earlier this year I was given to binging. I hated myself for it, and breaking that habit was the best that has happened to me for years. That's why I don't understand how I can be so much in the power of my subconscious, when I know the outcome is something I do NOT want to happen.

    I don't know how it is for you, but I'm pretty much the only one who lives like this around where I'm at. - I was going to keep a blog, like you do, because I know it helps us keep our thoughts and goals straight and "up front", but I've been too embarrassed to write anything of late.

    Oh well, I guess we all have down periods, eh? And I'll get back on top again if I die in the process!! ... That's the part that so many people who don't have eating disorders do not understand: They focus understandably upon the high death rate among anorexics and bulimics and think it must be better to survive at all costs. But for some of us surviving at all costs is just not "enough", we want to survive WELL and to be and do what we can as best we can. Second best is not good enough for many of us, and that's perhaps sad, but it's part of our personality.

    I thought it best to post my comment to you here, because it's so long... You see? You're definitely not the only one who writes long posts! ... '^L^,
    Posted by Zhawq at 3:18 AM 2 comments

    ReplyDelete
  179. I got you Mis. Here's Zhwaq's rape story:



    They'll invade me because I ... let(?) ... them??

    But I don't let them!!
    They quickly enough find out that I have no one around me who'll help me stop abusive behavior from my surroundings, and then the game is on.

    No, I don't let them!!

    Dammit, I've been sitting walled in at my apartment for months, not opening the door and not answering the phone, simply to stop this. And yet, when I begin to venture out ... taking a short walk to the store, f.ex. ... there they'll be.

    I write "they". This has happened more than once in my life (I'm 50). It's usually one person who catches the scent of fair game and start stalking me. Obviously I get no help from the police either (been there, tried that, etc.). And such a single person will and can carry on with their abuse for years. The guy who's currently on me has been doing it ("it" here means rape, stalking, verbal abuse, ambushing, and more) for about 14 years as I write this. Two years prior to him another one did the same thing for about 5 years.

    Believe me, I've stood my ground, said what needed being said, etc.. It just doesn't work when people find out that you're different - in that you don't read their social cues, which again leads to them overstepping your private boundaries, which again lead to them finding out quite practically that you also have no way of protecting yourself (because no one let's you actually stand on to your rights in thew state I live in).

    So again: No, we don't necessarily "let them" do anything to us!!

    It's a very common misconception that we sadly have been lead to believe in ourselves. However, it's another trap, another suppressive notion from our surroundings. Think about it! Of course we wouldn't let anyone step over our private boundaries if we had a choice!! Not even out of desperation, because we're not desperate about being abused! When we think we're "letting" others abuse us, really we aren't, but they're using the fact - that we don't always know what's us and what's the other person - against us with success; because if our inability to read their social cues are just our own fault, then we're fair game and should feel embarrassed.

    And yes, we feel embarrassed as we "should". It's almost like pressing a button.

    But I refuse to buy it! And I'm hereby acting against embarrassment that should be the abusers' and not the abusees'! So I proudly write about it here.

    *******

    Hang in there, guys!

    And don't put yourselves down by believing that their abuse is your fault!!

    *******

    ^L^,

    Puzelle.

    *******

    Note: Let the abusers who read this become embarrassed!, and do know that you won't be able to keep your game up forever! You'll get to answer soon enough!! Our role as "autistic disordered" is on time limit; change is happening as you read, and our place as a personality variety - and one that is needed and a gift! - will be just as real to you in the future, as your abuse is to us now. See if you like the odds when that happens!

    Back to top

    ReplyDelete
  180. Guys,

    Thank you for your support.

    ...And you're right: My situation is perhaps somewhat extreme.

    But there really isn't much I can do about it. It has to do with the laws in this country. They don't allow people to defend themselves (it is actually against the law), and it's a well known fact that my country doesn't hone human rights (you have rights, on the paper, but in reality you only ask for trouble if you try to address anything to do with "you rights", 'citizen's rights' or 'human rights'. - I've even said more already than perhaps I should've).

    *******

    About the more common kind of abuse ...

    As a kid I was stunned, frightened and didn't understand why people did what they did. I believed I was perhaps not worthy of their respect, so I blamed myself ... after having tried multiple times to argue with my surroundings that their ways were wrong, but never once really winning such an argument. It always ended with their usual notion: "She's weird, no one has to listen to her or even care if she may be right. Hit her/ignore her, if she opens her mouth again!".


    As an adult - and especially in the latest years and after I have found out that I have Asperger's - which have let me understand myself better - I have tried a more "cold" approach, as I believe I've seen used by NTs around me.

    The "cold" approach I'm speaking of is like what I see in this kind of attitude: "I know what you would do if I let you, but you'll not get a chance to be abusive, so shove it, pal!". - It's an attitude I've seen so many times in NTs, and when I was younger I even admired them for being able to do this and for ... apparently ... being able to tell when it is necessary to use it.
    What I didn't realize was that they don't know when such an attitude fits an incoming behavior with anymore certainty than we do! The difference is that, opposite us, they don't worry about it!

    - And they may be right in not worrying! The reason for this could be out into perspective by another observation I have made: When once in a while an NT has told me about how they feel hurt and sad because of how another NT has treated them, I've been surprised when a short while later the same person seem to have forgotten all about how hurt and sad they were ... well, not forgotten it, maybe, but these feelings don't stick with them the same way they do us.

    An NT seem (to me, anyway) to get over hurt and sadness and fear a lot quicker than we aspies do.

    ReplyDelete

  181. And if this is actually how it is, I can also see why NTs don't feel the same unsettling worry about hurting others that we feel, and that I think often has us abstain from standing our ground. We're much more afraid to Show Someone a Cold Shoulder, or to do something that to us seem like the same thing as Showing Someone a Cold Shoulder. (1*)

    So some of the answer to how we might protect ourselves better could be in understanding that we don't have to be so afraid of applying a certain insensitivity to our manners.
    And another reason to do so could be this: If we can't protect ourselves, how then will we be able to share of what we have to give? How will we gain the respect that is so basic to mainstream society and which is closely related to how well you maintain strong boundaries between yourself and your surroundings.

    Applying this "cold" attitude has only worked a few times for me; but when it worked, I came away feeling somewhat better about myself. I felt I had succeeded in protecting myself ... However, I also had a nagging feeling: "What if I hurt somebody? What if they never meant to be abusive, and now I shoved them off and frightened them the way I used to get frightened?"

    I'm aware that a lot of questions arise in regard to this. It's a vast field in it's own regard. But maybe what I have said can help mark a beginning, a place to start?

    *******

    (1*) = This is an area where I'm confused by the way NTs perceive us:
    They often express views such as "Aspies aren't as mature as others and they don't have capacity for deep empathy. They don't see the finer details and easily offend with inappropriate behavior or remarks".

    To me it has always seemed somewhat opposite! I think aspies and people with autism are the sensitive ones.
    But that's another topic.

    *******

    I hope some of what I've said make sense.
    Maybe it can even inspire a few people. That would definitely be nice.

    Whatever the case, good luck everybody! ^L^,

    Puzelle.

    ReplyDelete
  182. "Anonymous Eden is Jealous said...

    M.E said he liked Medusa better than Eden. Feeling a little pissed?"

    That's not at all true. I actually told M.E. that I'd probably pick her too. I'm not putting myself down when I say that either.

    I'm not a kiss ass, or the jealous type... unless I believe someone belongs to me. I respect Medusa. Enough to respect that she does not understand internet flirtation, or attraction... so I simply restrain myself with her, more than I would some of the other characters here.

    She reminds me of a woman I thought I was madly in love with, once. Coincidentally, I met this woman through my narc ex-fuck-buddy. I even wrote a poem about her called: 'She'... but never confessed to her, that the poem was about her. She used to have her own blog as well... and is a marvelous writer. Unfortunately, she is far too straight for us to be together, and she went and married a politician! We had a few moments between us that rocked my world though, and she is still a close friend.

    Medusa's character on here, reminds me of her so much... that I always picture her when reading Medusa's posts.

    I hope that doesn't creep you out Medusa.

    ReplyDelete
  183. I love the last paragraph of the abuse story.

    ReplyDelete
  184. Well fuck the mother mary and call me god I think I just found your explanation in all this Zhawq. Yes buried in your rape story is the exact reason why you are doing all of this:


    So some of the answer to how we might protect ourselves better could be in understanding that we don't have to be so afraid of applying a certain insensitivity to our manners.
    And another reason to do so could be this: If we can't protect ourselves, how then will we be able to share of what we have to give? How will we gain the respect that is so basic to mainstream society and which is closely related to how well you maintain strong boundaries between yourself and your surroundings.

    Applying this "cold" attitude has only worked a few times for me; but when it worked, I came away feeling somewhat better about myself. I felt I had succeeded in protecting myself ... However, I also had a nagging feeling: "What if I hurt somebody? What if they never meant to be abusive, and now I shoved them off and frightened them the way I used to get frightened?"

    You feel better about yourself using this cold attitude don't you. Using this role playing so that you can cope with being so weak. You blanketed yourself in lies so that you could feel warm and secure in your life of terror. How does it feel to have all of that stripped from you zWaq? How does it feel remembering the terror you had to go through and still live under day to day. You won't escape here. Not even in your computer can you find solace, because even here you will find yourself raped, stripped, and humiliated.

    ReplyDelete
  185. 10:47 I'd imagine he was a bully. People rarely change.

    I know he was a bully. People never change.

    *fixed

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.