This recent comment from an old post was directed at parents of a sociopath, but I think is pretty good advice for any situation in which you have to deal with a sociopath, i.e. you can't opt out because they're a blood family member, co-parent, work associate, etc.
From what I know of this mum and that couple's ordeal over the years, is that if you have someone like that living with you or in close contact with you, try to stay back a step or two emotionally and psychologically.
Don't get tangled up in the stream of lies and the really clever, manipulative behaviour even if it is difficult.
Start by simply not believing anything this boy says - that is a great help and when my friend realised it, it took a burden off her shoulders.
There is no point in getting angry and upset over his behaviour - he will only use it to make you look bad - and no point remonstrating, reasoning or trying to point out his lack of morality.
I suggest you very consciously and pragmatically set out to manage the situation and look after yourself. Don't lose your head. Don't get mad at him.
Force yourself to accept what is in front of you and deal with it consciously and in a planned way.
Don't try to convince your partner of your suspicions if he is resistant to the possibility, because he will probably not want to believe you and it will upset him and make him resent you.
Don't lock horns with this boy if at all possible.
If your partner does, just stand back.
Be careful because he will try to drive your and your partner apart - from his point of view he will cause as much trouble as possible because then he can slip between the cracks and do what he wants while you two are thoroughly preoccupied with fighting with each other.
Oh yes, don't give him any ammunition at all, because he will talk about you. He will re-frame everything that happens to make him look like the victim and be aware that he will tell lies about everything and everyone.
Stay back and stay calm and don't ever let your emotions take over when you are dealing with him.
That's all I can tell you from the many many well-intentioned mistakes my friend made.
I am so sorry. However, if this is what you are up against and I do hope you are wrong - take comfort in the fact that you have several years to work out a strategy before he really starts to get going.
From what I know of this mum and that couple's ordeal over the years, is that if you have someone like that living with you or in close contact with you, try to stay back a step or two emotionally and psychologically.
Don't get tangled up in the stream of lies and the really clever, manipulative behaviour even if it is difficult.
Start by simply not believing anything this boy says - that is a great help and when my friend realised it, it took a burden off her shoulders.
There is no point in getting angry and upset over his behaviour - he will only use it to make you look bad - and no point remonstrating, reasoning or trying to point out his lack of morality.
I suggest you very consciously and pragmatically set out to manage the situation and look after yourself. Don't lose your head. Don't get mad at him.
Force yourself to accept what is in front of you and deal with it consciously and in a planned way.
Don't try to convince your partner of your suspicions if he is resistant to the possibility, because he will probably not want to believe you and it will upset him and make him resent you.
Don't lock horns with this boy if at all possible.
If your partner does, just stand back.
Be careful because he will try to drive your and your partner apart - from his point of view he will cause as much trouble as possible because then he can slip between the cracks and do what he wants while you two are thoroughly preoccupied with fighting with each other.
Oh yes, don't give him any ammunition at all, because he will talk about you. He will re-frame everything that happens to make him look like the victim and be aware that he will tell lies about everything and everyone.
Stay back and stay calm and don't ever let your emotions take over when you are dealing with him.
That's all I can tell you from the many many well-intentioned mistakes my friend made.
I am so sorry. However, if this is what you are up against and I do hope you are wrong - take comfort in the fact that you have several years to work out a strategy before he really starts to get going.
