Thursday, November 3, 2011

The flipside of overconfidence

I didn't address the flipside of overconfidence. Like the photo of the cat ready to do battle with an eagle from yesterday's post, I feel like I have frequently been the eagle happening upon unwitting cats ready to do battle against what, they don't really know. There are aspects of my personality and my appearance that can lull people into a false sense of security. I can seem very unassuming, easy to not notice in some ways because I keep my own counsel most of the time. I'm not an easy mark by any stretch, but it's not immediately apparent to most people what I'm all about and for some reason that can provoke people who are used to a little more certainty, or provoke bullies that are used to a little more deference. It reminds me of the old "Nutty Professor" movie with Jerry Lewis. He harasses a bar tender and is in turn harassed by a "barroom brawler." I love the depiction of the sudden burst of violence, even if exaggerated and unbelievable, especially given the contrast to the slow pace of the first part of the movie.



I'm in a similar situation now where someone has grossly underestimated me. I don't know what makes people want to pick fights, you know? That's what I always wonder when it happens. Sometimes I pick my own, but a lot of the time people will come to me wanting to start something. If they're planning on fighting fair, I will best them. If they are planning on fighting dirty, I will fight dirtier than them. The real problem in going up against me, though, is that it is just so hard to land a punch. I have vulnerabilities, like anyone else, but it's hard for most people to find them and they're small targets that require a precision attack, not your usual wild flailing you see from a typical thug. See, for me, I'm used to fighting your average normal person and the other typical variants of aggressors (bullies, narcissists, aspies, what have you). I have had at least a few of fights with each type and they're relatively easy to spot, so I more or less know what to expect. But it is quite unlikely that any of those people have ever gone up against someone like me, or unlikely if they had, that they would have identified that previous assailant and or identified me as being in a similar fashion to that previous assailant. Consequently, I almost always have the element of surprise to the point where some fights are just so outweighed, they're not even fun to fight. When someone picks a fight like the barroom brawler, of course, you don't really have a choice not to fight. But it is some small consolation knowing that even if they won't be memorable to you, you certainly will be memorable to them.

155 comments:

  1. I don't go looking for fights in the sense that ME is talking about. I don't like challenges so I cheat at everything I do and seek out weakness. I alternate between rageful and calm with a fair amount of the people I surround myself with. I do it on purpose because I like to set them on edge and keep them frightened. Somebody once told me that whenever I walk in the room she feels like a bomb's about to go off. Thats the point really, If they think I'm close to the edge they won't push me. I manipulate feelings and tension levels with everyone I'm with. I like it most when they're scared and uncomfortable. Sometimes I'm excited when a new person does decide to screw with me because it just feels like a game worth playing. Other times I just go to the extreme and put them down and humiliate them straight away. I don't like fighting people similar to me because I end up damaging myself as much as them. But I either dominate people or I'm in competition with them. So sometimes I get carried away.

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  2. this joint has more sociopaths than a trade floor and more borderlines than a radiohead concert.

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  3. Aspies? Seriously? Aspies are starting fights with you M.E? You need to up your game. If an aspie tried to start shit with me I think I'd just laugh myself to death.

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  4. I had a borderline friend once. He hated me. I asked him to describe what he thought of me and he said "you hate everybody else and love yourself"

    The guy wore his heart on his sleeve. It's a bad idea when you are around someone like me. All these people talk about is relationships. He would tell me his problems like I was his psychologist, about how much his parents hated him. What a loser. I beat him up badly in the end for mocking me and robbed him.

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  5. "I beat him up badly in the end for mocking me and robbed him."

    lmfao

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  6. "I don't like fighting people similar to me because I end up damaging myself as much as them. But I either dominate people or I'm in competition with them"

    True dat.

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  7. y is socia so cocky

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  8. Harv, it is good no cop was around.

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  9. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysIGQ8vzgeU

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  10. SHIT WATCH UNTIL THE END.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPkWdBF0Tvk

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  11. http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=pIagrMGFy8c

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  12. Good Afternoon Lovely Sweet Cheeks How are you, honey?

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  13. I laid my sword down days ago, here.

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  14. Call it a break from chaos and an attempt to grow, because I know I need too. If you are too busy fighting the world, you can miss out on great learning opportunities.

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  15. I will be a pit bull, fighting for people I love, but will, usually, walk away when it is myself.

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  16. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdDAz98QN4M

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  17. My lord. Who seen the dog getting tortured?

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  18. the beeper national anthemNovember 3, 2011 at 8:57 AM

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFkzRNyygfk&ob=av2e

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  19. I will internalize my anger and get migraines. I know that this is bad, but it is hard for me to express anger. I hold it in.

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  20. @ the beeper national anthem

    LMAO

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  21. beepers are good in bed, like taming a wild animal

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  22. Hi Frank

    now you are just spoiling me ;)

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  23. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ejga4kJUts&ob=av2e

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  24. Dose anyone know where Mania is? Did s/he leave?

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  25. @Bella cutie, sometimes it's appropriate to use your sword ((Hugs))

    http://www.tuckermax.com/stories/the-midget-story/

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  26. @Sweet Cheeks I can't love you in real life, so let me spoil you on here, please.

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  27. It looks like there last post was on sept 25... thats soooooo long ago :'(

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  28. "beepers are good in bed, like taming a wild animal"

    good cleaners too. every man should own at least one.

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  29. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBXyB7niEc0

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  30. no it's the socios who clean good

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  31. beepers make you feel like you're the only man in the world, Frank.

    For a spell.

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  32. sociopaths don't clean. it's a commoner thing.

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  33. They will NOT let GO! Let me go, you fucking beeper. Stop haunting me.

    I hate you,I hate you I hate you!1!!1!

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  34. "beepers make you feel like you're the only man in the world, Frank."

    socios do this, not beepers

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  35. beepers are satan. we should persecute them like the jews. they are responsible for all atrocities.

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  36. My ex would not stop cleaning. He was a narc. I could NOT live up to his standards !

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  37. evidence, please.

    Haven, talk to me.

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  38. haven will be the first to be persecuted.

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  39. I thought beepers were people who were good at seduction so much so that a person feels heard, but then they get weird about being that effective. I thought they confuse people. I thought they make you addicted to them.

    Maybe if you aren't a sociopath or narc, though?

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  40. beepers are loyal and clingy

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  41. she will like that. Then she will slice off a testicles.

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  42. the beeper will use you for substance. the narc will use you for superficial means.

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  43. no they aren't clingy. Their loyalty can be deceiving.

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  44. the beeper is completely wrapped up in their inner world, which makes them dimwitted. the narcissist is a cold calculated predator.

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  45. the beeper will use you for substance.

    please explain what you mean.

    Material substance, illegal substance, integrity...?

    What is your personal experience?

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  46. beeper = has a heart
    narc = heartless and no soul

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  47. the beeper is completely wrapped up in their inner world, which makes them dimwitted.

    It's good to seem dimwitted sometimes. You left out the word SEEM.

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  48. narc = heartless and no soul

    Yes! I am Grand Mal narc hehe

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  49. beepers do have a heart, it is just compartmentalised and turbulent

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  50. my bpd lover would do anything for me and my attention

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  51. Yeah I see you. Looks like we're on the fence with the beeper love today.

    My only issue:
    "beepers are good in bed, like taming a wild animal"

    Why the hell would you want to tame a borderline in bed? Wild fucking rocks.

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  52. Anon 10:46... What can I do for you?

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  53. Haven, do beepers use people?

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  54. Not intentionally.

    Borderlines get a bad rap for being manipulative and using people, but it's not in the same sense as a socio does. Where socios will set out with a particular goal for a person, a borderline doesn't do this. It's not a goal oriented manipulation. Everything is about the satisfaction of emotional needs. Everyone uses people. Even the most normal friendship is 'using' each other to not be alone with someone whose company you enjoy. With the Borderline it's just more extreme. We do things because we feel a certain way and want things to turn out right for what we feel we need. Hell, most of the time we think it's what is best for the other person too. Instinctively, we act with our own self interest in mind with respect to other people. Is that using other people? Probably. But it's not intentionally malicious.

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  55. You have such a great way of explaining things, Haven.

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  56. I agree, Haven. One of my friends was a Borderline. She was very sweet and giving, but she turned on me when I did not do what she wanted. She thought I betrayed her, when I just was doing my own thing. I was not doing anything AGAINST her, whatsoever. I did not blame her. She could not help it. She was not a malicious person, as you said.

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  57. @Sweets... Thanks darlin. How've you been?

    @Caroline... I hate that feeling of betrayal. I almost wish I was more low functioning b/c I could just go with it and not think there was anything wrong with me but cognitively I KNOW that it's not a rational response, but it doesn't change how it FEELS. It's really just awful. You're a good person for understanding and not blaming her. It's rare that people can look past the behavior and see that.

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  58. @ Caroline

    angry outbursts are expected with a borderline, but try not to confuse that with betrayal. when i burn a bridge, it is obvious and cannot be mistaken as an outburst.

    @ Haven

    good :)

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  59. @ Caroline

    I should have been more clear...one day I will start proof reading. I don't know your situation, but I am trying to give you another view on it.

    If I feel betrayed, I will act out in betrayal.

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  60. Thank you, Haven. My heart goes out to someone who is struggling such as she was. Afterwards, she said some bad things about me, many, many bad things, but I never really blamed her because I KNEW her sensitive and loving nature. I knew it was not personal. It was her condition, so to speak and she could not help it. However, after that, I was very careful who I allowed close to me. I was not as naive about people. I was wiser. I did not get close to several people who wanted my friendship, after that, because I could feel the same thing coming. However, I know that the person with BPD cannot help the behaviors. Closeness seems to trigger it.

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  61. @Sweetcheeks, I did not betray her, per se. I could not meet her demands on the friendship. I never did anything cruel to her. I just needed my own space, one day, and she flipped out and started swearing at me.

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  62. I'm on the fence when it comes to personal accountability. On the one hand, we can't help how we feel, and that often translates into lashing out behavior. Someone with BPD does need to make an effor to learn to control the destructive tendencies if they want to function fully. I try to remain accountable for my actions now. I've put a lot of effort into my own self-awareness though, and this is something that unfortunately is not incredibly common with BPD.

    Closeness very much is a trigger. We/I struggle constantly between wanting to be close to someone, but not wanting to allow them close enought to hurt us/take away our freedom. It becomes a massive cycle of Pulling close and Pushing away. It's rarely productive.


    wv: commit

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  63. BPD housemate story of the day:

    Yesterday I heard some obnoxious musical sounds coming from downstairs accompanied by a fucking INSANE maniacal laugh that would not stop. Like, the laugh of a crazy person, way over done. The kind of laughing that comes out of people's mouths before someone puts them in a straight jacket.

    Turns out she found the video of the cat farting rainbows and poptarts that used to be Wheatley's pic, and she kept watching it over and over cackling like a scary person nonstop. It was the best thing she's ever seen in her life, I guess. I don't get the video's appeal at all. How is that funny or cute?

    It was a little frightening how crazy it made her, though.

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  64. @Medusa, I do not think BPD is funny to laugh at. They are struggling, very hard, to maintain what other people take for granted, their basic piece of mind. I fail to see any humor in it.

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  65. lol. I think its hilarious. She's somewhat twisted and its fascinating to hear your stories of how her mind works.

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  66. @MK, I, as a psych nurse, am offended at someone laughing at another person's mental and emotional troubles. I, frankly, don't see any humor in it. You say you want to be a therapist. I hope you mature more before that time comes-------my two cents.

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  67. @ Caroline

    it is funny... i laughed too

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  68. @Sweetcheks, I don't find it funny, but that may be because of my line of work. I am glad that you, and others,hopefully, are not offended.

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  69. song suggestion: the dresden dolls

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  70. Caroline, did I say I was laughing or found it funny?

    No. I did not.

    I was adding to the BPD discussion, giving an example of unstable and uncontrolled emotionality.

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  71. Besides, she would be the first to laugh at herself and her craziness.

    For fuck's sake, if you are mentally unwell and you can't laugh at yourself sometimes, you have little to nothing.

    Taking your crazy too seriously all the time (or having others take it too seriously for you) doesn't help anything.

    With self-acceptance comes the ability to have a sense of humor.

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  72. caroline, its always amusing to me to watch anyone's brain function, especially when it functions oddly. That isn't immaturity, that's a certain love for the human mind. Humor isn't always condescension, and in my case it almost never is. My condescension is independant of my sense of humor.

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  73. It's fucking funny. Whether she'd laugh at herself or not.

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  74. what made you want to become a psych nurse?

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  75. I always put myself in her head so I can see how she came to the reaction she did. I need to know this stuff. I do this with everyone.

    Is that empathy? Because that's the closest I've got.

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  76. Note how Caroline, Gary, Harv, Frank and all those other (massive fingerquotes) wacky fellas all say: "@(name), (text goes here)". This raises (not 'begs the question', I'm not retarded) the question: is this Erin, or Jason; trying his hardest to be like his inspiration and future girlfriend? The wanton violence against the common comma certainly seems forced enough for option b)., although he couldn't possibly be that pathetic, could he?

    And, Anon-who-seems-to-be-aware-of-thingd-going-on-outside-the-'States'-because-he-at-least-knew-(or pretended he hadn't just Googled it)-who-Papandreous-is, of course most world-leaders would need at least some narcissism to want to be a world-leader. I asked about George in particular because of what he did recently (and really, the only way you could not know about what he did, is thinking that the entire world is just the United States, sailing across an ocean of illegal Mexican immigrants).

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  77. Frank is Erin trying to get back at sweetcheeks.

    Gary, Harv, etc. are probably all the same person. Jason maybe.

    A couple of the ladies (Caroline, Monica) are Erin, although I think the names are shared by others in the brigade as well.

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  78. its an anon soap opera! :D

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  79. It is

    Law and Order: S W

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  80. Caroline you are the psych nurse?

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  81. I love putting myself in peoples heads. I can almost read their minds and it amazes and amuses me the way they think, and how i can almost feel it. Its always been more how I feel. I feel vicariously better than any other way. I'm not a sociopath, but its just always been easier, and more interesting. All the extremes people feel are rfreshing to feel through them. And sometimes its funny how their head functions on an imbalance.

    I wasn't sure who all the Gary, hard and Steve's were.I wondered if they were my husband, but they seem too dumb. I don't care too much. I think they get off feeling like theyve fooled people when we respond, but none of us are fooled as far as i know. I think they're just silly, or dumb. That's probably why they won't retain an identity, too. But it doesn't really matter to me.

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  82. I just always wanted to be a nurse and psych seemed to be I was drawn. I never regretted it. I am suited for it.

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  83. y socia so maniputif

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  84. missus kanney, do you ever find that doing that puts you out of the moment with another? Or that it causes a barrier to your feelings during an interaction?

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  85. dos socio's be paranoid about everyone?

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  86. "everyone" look alike

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  87. 452

    not in real life. Only here, right?

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  88. ::drives me wild::

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  89. im making honest efforts to not do that

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  90. "and really, the only way anyone could not know..."

    It sounded too much like I was hating on that Anon. Sorry if you thought that. I appreciated your comment. :)

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  91. it carries over irl a skill i HAD to learn to get by

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  92. I am not trying to hurt Sweet Cheeks. You people are sick.

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  93. Whose comment, Wheatly?

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  94. 515

    it is tiring, no?

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  95. it is nice to have 1 to be honest with

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  96. when all walks show up at my place for a party, yes.

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  97. If youre asking if I have intimacy issues, I can say I've struggled with them, yes. I dont open up to people easily, which i thought was obvious. I go back and forth between living in the moment and being disconnected from it. I find meditating helps.

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  98. Suited for it how? What do you enjoy about it?

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  99. "
    For fuck's sake, if you are mentally unwell and you can't laugh at yourself sometimes, you have little to nothing.

    Taking your crazy too seriously all the time (or having others take it too seriously for you) doesn't help anything.

    With self-acceptance comes the ability to have a sense of humor."

    Cheers Medusa. Cheers.

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  100. Missus, I seemed to fit with nursing. When I thought what I wanted to be, that felt like something I would get satisfaction from and was a good career. I do like to help people and I feel good when I do.

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  101. " If youre asking if I have intimacy issues, I can say I've struggled with them, yes. I dont open up to people easily, which i thought was obvious. I go back and forth between living in the moment and being disconnected from it."

    Being weary of who you open up to is wise. I can empathize completely with living in the moment and being completely dissociated from it. The break can be maddening. Disconcerting. How do you deal with it?

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  102. What do you mean "the break from the moment"? Is it like going in to your own shell? I do this, too, if this is what you mean.

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  103. fyi recent taunts and instigations / werent me. gave it up

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  104. @Missus, in the Psych field, you can be hardened to the problems, or have a feeling for what people are going through and a respect for it, as an actual illness, not being a whiner or a baby. I have the latter.

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  105. hm, so you have feeling for your patients and you think that's the way to go... you're a nurse. Thats a nurses role. How many of the doctors you work with feel a deep empathetic understanding and relation took their patients? And how successful are they, both personally and professionally?

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  106. What the fuck is going on around here?

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  107. Missus, is is a balance between empathy and detachment. Finding the balance is very hard and constantly shifting and NEVER perfect. The fact that life can never be lived perfectly is the first step.

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  108. I imagine the balance is dependant on how well your life is going... like your personal relationships are gratifying, but your clients feel detachment and vice versa. I imagine that you have a tendancy to make up for any p ersonal security issues with your patients value of you. But I think as a doctor the struggle is to maintain your role, despite tugging feelings to empathize with your patients. I've learned to manage my empathy.

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  109. i want to have a slutty beeper suck me off

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  110. i will take it all in and swallow every last drop

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  111. only slutty for you to make sure i am nice and hungry for cock when you want me

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  112. regular sex is good for your health. Beepers need more than the socio because our brain craves that good stuff. Beepers have more sex, socios. It's true. It's really true. I don't brag I only speak the truth lol

    More, yes, than the socio. I read that in the medical journal I will cite tomorrow.

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  113. I know a beeper with dildo molds of all her exes cocks. She told the designer she wanted her to scale the penis down a tiny tiny bit so when he is inside her he feels just a tad bigger than the dildo. She takes sex THAT seriously. Her whole house stinks of vag juice on a sunday afternoon.

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  114. orgasms are good for depression.

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  115. narcissists think sex is degrading and disgusting. they rarely have it. also, they feel that pregnancy is disgusting. FREAKS!!

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  116. They don't want to mess up their hair in bed, they think you're their mother, they don't use viagra, the mal narcs just want to make you feel unattractive, they'd rather masturbate into a condom pretending they got it somewhere else than come to bed with a hard on. The more you like them the more they turn their heads the other way.

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  117. narcs feel ashamed of sexual urges esp. with the mommy issues. they aren't open to trying new things because of that shame. most narcs will not alloy toys in the bedroom and don't care for lingerie. don't forget porn, it is a no go because it makes them feel threatened or ashamed.

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  118. I have a wise mother figure in my life who says ya always have good sex with "bad" people and bad sex with "good " people. wtf? I don't even believe that anymore, either.

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  119. narc = alpha male

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  120. what's weird is the narcissist is extremely masculine, like overly masculine. yet they are womanly because they take great care in their appearance. don't real men not care about that stuff?

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  121. it's true, Bella.
    I once asked my ex to slap me on my ass. I even showed him how. He was so uncomfortable. He hated my sexuality and yet he clutched my wrist when we walked down the street like he owned me. He couldn't do that in he bdrm? I really should have cheated on him. He thought I was doing that anyway. Imbecile.

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  122. they act so awkward when you talk about feelings!

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  123. Real men will wear anything you tell them makes you horny for them. If you tell them to wear your pink stretch thong to bed they're like "where is it, honey?"

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  124. they just suck. i am not slutty but when i was in a relationship with a narc, i climbs the walls with sexual frustration. i am not into anything that taboo or off the wall.

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  125. mine was somatic. had to wear the best clothes. mocked anyone with a poor haircut.

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  126. I find it sad. They Must know at a certain age they are fucked in the head. How can they not know?

    I have a friend whose narc cheated and cheated and when she'd had it he asked her one day why she didn't "fight for him" to get him away from the other woman!

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  127. I should have added that even though i am not into anything really crazy or off the wall, it is still too much for a narc,

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  128. yes they have a thing about hair, don't they? Lots of hairplugs on this one politician guy my friend was with. She was a narc magnet. I project that they like confident people because they hope it might rub off on them. I cannot blame them for that.

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  129. agreed. they are envious of healthy men that have natural confidence and a functional family life.

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  130. hair yes along with many other oddities. i am drawn to confident, strong men but i will never ever date a narc ever again. Not worth it in any way!

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  131. "confident, strong men"

    that's the flip side of a narcissist.

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  132. a narcissist is a psychopath with a mirror.

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  133. to the unsuspecting eye, they come off as confident and strong, but you are right, they aren't at all. I learned the hard way and won't make that mistake ever again.

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  134. 1229 whaaa? do you mean mirror as a vain prop or a different "mirror" meaning?

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  135. Good for you, Bella!

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  136. that's their defense. being the biggest loudest, richest person in the room. if they were seen as a normal person they would disintegrate. they must control everything

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  137. bed time goodnight xo

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  138. can barely keep my eyes open...

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  139. They don't like it if you are taking any attention away from them. I got punished for being funny and charismatic. Usually a guy likes it that his family likes you. They liked me TOO much.

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  140. good night. Sleep well.

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  141. Confidence would be someone who is comfortable in their own skin - meaning, no worries about what people think of them (as long as you're not a criminal or something, of course) and confident so no matter what mean thing someone says to you, you can empathize with the person instead of taking it personally.

    Narcissism is where someone's whole mindset is solely on themselves and also how they can use other people to their benefit without concern for the other person's well-being, not even giving it a thought.

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  142. @Missus, Yes, it is an imperfect balance because we are human and can never really do life or any part of it as walking on a perfect tight rope. I learned this by failure upon failure upon failure.

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  143. * I meant we cannot do life or any part of it, perfectly *

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