Tuesday, May 29, 2012

On becoming a sociopath (female)

From a reader:
 
In terms of ASPD: I still am, to a degree, but I am much less inclined to that disorder than I was as a  child. For the high-functioning sociopath, it is mandatory for him to have a relationship with himself. He lacks any sort of internal social inhibition, and therefore, he doesn't automatically incorporate the majority ethics. As a kid, I was at my most impulsive. Until I came to develop a code rooted in reason, rather than guilt, I was all over the place. People take for granted "right" and "wrong,” and many don’t question the ‘why’ behind it until they are much older, because they may cruise along on autopilot with the common knowledge that stealing is bad, and that they feel bad. If the sociopath can't introspect, however, he'll grow into a dangerous criminal as he hits adulthood and gains the means. For the sociopath, he has to mature early in, or face possible legal consequences for the rest of his life.  Although being a female and a sociopath is unique, I am fortunate in this respect. If I were a man, there’s a great chance that I would not have made it.
    
I hate to sound sexist, but it’s the truth: men are typically stronger than women. At the age of eight, I was already fantasizing about sex crimes. I remember thinking, verbatim, that it wasn’t “enough to love. You have to rip apart.” For me, cuddling and kissing could only go so far before the emptiness sank in. The threshold was reached, and boredom stirred. A man, or woman, could satisfy with soft whispers and affection to a point. Then, to overcome that boundary, sadism came to play. The only way I felt that I could truly share something with another human being, was to torture and to push him over the edge. There was excitement in this, and my own brand of worship. I didn’t realize that my desire was abnormal. For a long time, I didn’t realize that others weren’t like me. I observed them, and I thought that we were putting on a show, and so I acted, too. I watched and waited, half-expecting an explosion as one of us broke. It never came. Every now and again, I saw them clearly and was slammed with questions. "Is this real?" I wanted to capture their faces, to make them look at me. I lived in denial.
    
Bottom line: I stayed out of prison because I lacked the brute muscles to kill, and the dedication to go through with plans (I had constructed a motif in my head). Twice, I snapped on human beings and did everything in my carnal power to injure them, craving their expressions, because the fear and shock filled up a void within me. It was a foreign substance, and, as such, I took it as a druggie. 
    
I was let down in my weakness. I didn’t go after children my age, but lashed out against men who I perceived as strong. I wanted the triumph of breaking them, and I fell short. It was humiliating to have revealed and lost. Thus, I retreated to my intellect, and became the cult-starter. I manipulated without touch, and although, in the end, the new approach could have proved even more dangerous than the corporeal given my structure, I was appeased by little stunts, and, thankfully, came to my senses before moving onto greater defeats. Honestly, I just grew up, and trust me when I say that if I had waited even another year, given the crowd that I had gathered, things would be different. I have formalized legal opinions now, and a definition for good and evil, but I don’t possess the faculty of remorse. I can regret: regret meaning, I can find the consequences of something not to my enjoyment, and I can wish that I had acted otherwise, but, if not caught, I don’t have remorse, in that I don’t feel guilt for doing what I see as justifiably illegal. Hence, my version of “right” and “wrong” revolves around what is good for me, psychologically. Unrestrained, I slip and intentionally perform acts which I reject, lawfully, when statistics suggest a lapse in capture, but I do try to avoid this more often than not, because, regardless of how good I am, it’s never surefire.

240 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Eh, that's what I get for taking the time to use a fancy word.

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    2. Yep with fancy spelling, even. That's what you get for trying to show off.

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    3. Medusa started to feel very much at home here. Her cool facade is no more.

      Just saying. Carry on.

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  2. lol Medusa..you're quasi-first

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  3. I totally get this article but from a different view..I've always been into s&m even when I was a child and didn't understand what it was that I liked. I wasn't abused, I had a happy childhood, I just always preferred adults to children, power figures (teachers) excited me...I liked to please them to be the teacher's pet and more than one male professor made passes at me in fact looking back it was pretty sick how obvious they were even in front of my peers. I wasn't promiscuous I never slept with anyone I was just the tease . The ice queen and I liked having power figures under my power. I played at being the "innocent" but I was far from it and i don't even know where this sense of power came from or desire to act out in this way. I realize now I am part sadist, big part. I like to see desire, desperate want and play with it, I like to cause pain. I like to see a guy think he has me all figured out and will get some..and then drop my ditzy mask and show my true self...it's pretty fun.

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    1. Is this what sadist is? Meaning teasing but not giving? It looks like you have not seen any s&m videos. Google some.

      Sounds like you are just a chicken shit, like a small dog watching from the balcony and thinking that you are hurting the big street dogs who looked up the balcony once in a while.

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  4. I relate to this except for the sadism and the desire to gain power over others. That's the only thing I consistently don't relate to in reader's contributions, and it bemuses me, somewhat. I see any "need" of others as weakness. Any other sociopaths here that prefer self-sufficiency?

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    1. I think that is a big advantage..Most people are not worth any effort at all...I envy you actually. That's partially why I hate people because they aren't worth the effort and after I put it in things get boring.

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    2. I think my problem is I came into being with certain goals in mind: become a doctor, get married, have children, then do whatever the fuck I want. I don't want these things for any other reason than it's the life 'path' I chose as a child and I know if I fail at any of these I'll just give up on this whole goal facade and just fuck people up until I die. And I'd rather have a ton of money, a spouse of my own design, and children because...I'm not sure why I want children or what I would even do with(to) them. I might love them. I might manipulate them into psychological pets. lmfao

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    3. I think a real issue that some people have including myself is boredom..nothing is ever enough most people bore me...it's annoying. When i meet someone who has that "spark" of something I find interesting they tend to be scary people. That is the only person I am curious or can relate to...with most people I need to force myself from yawning.

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    4. Anon 1: I agree that people are mostly simply not worth any effort. I mean, sure.. you can expend effort on others and gain from it, but the effort required doesn't seem to justify the returns for me. Charity is a waste of time, so are relationships, mostly, unless the person is actually interesting.

      Anon 2: I'd like a luxurious life as much as the next person. Maybe my only true moral is that I feel its only worth something if I get it for myself rather than obtaining it through others. I see this whole.. manipulating other people to get everything as kind of lazy, really.

      Anon 3: I'm beginning to wonder if this was all one person.

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    5. the first and third are the same.

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    6. That's the only thing I consistently don't relate to in reader's contributions, and it bemuses me, somewhat. I see any "need" of others as weakness. Any other sociopaths here that prefer self-sufficiency?


      If you want to be successful you have to use others. If you read any books on becoming successful they will all be about influencing and using people. There's a reason for that. You can't be everywhere at one time or bother yourself with menial tasks. You can't gain position without others supporting your claim. You can't crush your enemies alone. It takes strength to use someone. Calling it weakness is just silly.

      The strongest people in the world are using people and the weak are being used. Outside of that you are just alone. Being isolated is a weak position in and of itself.

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    7. Are you sure you're a sociopath? Sociopaths are social parasites almost without exception. Perhaps you should look into the schizoid disorder, I fit this yet I have some things in common with socios, yet still very different from them. Weak people use others because they lack internal power, powerful people don't need others because they're not complete fucking failures who can't take care of themselves. I'd love to see a socio pull a Walden Pond maneuver and not kill themselves from boredom or break on day 2, or get mauled by a bear for trying to start a fight with it. lol. Society protects weak people who can't take care of themselves. Menial Tasks? Position? Enemies? An internally strong person has better things to do than obtain superficial positions and play war with others of his own kind, he is too smart to let himself become burdened with menial tasks that are unnecessary, and not arrogant or insecure enough to demote necessary life tasks to the realm of "menial".

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    8. Why would a sociopath want to be a Walden Pond type of guy?

      That's a moot point you've got going there.

      If you are going to go that way, I'll say this: I'd love to see a non-socio like you pull a Prison maneuver and not be killed or kill themselves from fear.

      See how your logic doesn't really work? Everybody doesn't have to be everybody else in the world.

      An internally strong person has better things to do than obtain superficial positions....he is too smart to let himself become burdened with menial tasks that are unnecessary

      And whoever said the menial tasks were 'unnecessary'?

      Non-superficial positions require that non-superficial tasks be done. READ: menial. READ: there's only 24 hours in a day. READ: employees.

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    9. Name one person in power who stands by his or herself. Name one person in power who doesn't use people. History is spread eagle with those that stand on the many from Henry VIII to Joseph Stalin. If you think they are weak ask your fellow country men to march into death with no regard for their own life and see what response you get back. You can't call someone weak who is able to go from bank robber into dictator of a nation rivaling only the United States in global power weak.

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  5. Guys I think I'm a reputation-defending sociopath; the weakest of all the anti-socials in my opinion. I long to destroy something, a cat, an animal, a human. I like to rip apart someone's sanity. But I also don't want to get caught being anything less than the perfect-pure I've betrayed since birth. I need money for my phone and I know my mother has it but money is tight and we are going on vacation Friday. I want her to give me the money but that would betray my reputation of taking just enough to not push her into poverty. How sad it would be and what I failure I would seem to destroy my own mother. I wish I was a stronger version of anti-social. I guess I have to start somewhere if I wish to change anything.

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    1. Anon- 1:22 start with discipline..make yourself do things you don't necessarily want to do but you will get what you want by doing them. work hard, become compulsive...for me it was a natural high..I didn't need to deal with people or the world if i was running, working or studying..try it it's preferable to boredom, dependence and powerlessness.

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    2. Loll. You're just an ass hole. I'm sure no matter what you do that reputation always follows you around so you might as well start accepting it to greet your path of failure... or try getting a job.

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    3. Just stop whining, you'll probably get a new phone for Christmas. If you want it now, take the money, if you think that you can wait - wait.

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    4. You misunderstand. I need money for my phone BILL. Like if I don't get it all my social contacts will fall apart and I will cease to exist in any social way. Not having a cell phone is as good as death.

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    5. There is no such category: Reputation defending sociopath. Sociopaths do what they want with little thought to consequences, feelings, or the rights of others.

      Begging your mother for money is pathetic. Go out there and steal from other people. Have some ambition.

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  6. If you don’t know what to do with tenderness because “cuddling and kissing could only go so far before the emptiness sank in” you are unable to enjoy life; if life is not a joy in itself, it is nothing and then shackles, fetters, abuse, are a must. They simply don’t understand life without them, without infringing pain on others or having pain infringed on them, their lives have no taste. They don’t feel alive if they don’t suffer or cause suffering. That is their severe impairment; in fact, it is their curse, because inner balance is for them a total impossibility, they can find no peace within themselves or with the world, they need guilt, are obsessed with sin, seek penance, worship destiny, enjoy pain, tragedy even. Without those chains you can’t even live, they say. The thing they fear most, the real great big monster that frightens them to the bone is freedom. If they have to choose between freedom and death, they won’t hesitate for a second. Death will be the favourite.

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    1. Jose you're so full of shit. You have a point though. I found myself in a bit of an existential crisis trying to love or feel something. I went through most of my life high on stimulants for my 'adhd.' Now that I'm off them I realize how bankrupt my mind is of genuine joy. Now I can either chase it like some fledgling bird. Or I can give up and become and act as one would expect a textbook sociopath to act. I haven't decided which path I will have to take.

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    2. Genuine joy is a short-lived thing - I don't think that sort of high is sustainable. Satisfaction or contentment are more enduring, and achievable even if you're a little on the shallow side. I've developed a sense of satisfaction with the things I know I do well, which works most of the time, and the moments of pure enjoyment come from surrounding myself with the right people to entertain me - without manipulation, they're just the right personalities.

      You don't have to 'act' like anything, beyond what gets you through a normal day without being arrested or lynched.

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    3. Jose - the real problem can be boredom...I need more stimulus to feel anything. Unless it's intense it means nothing. cuddling, hugging is okay.....but i want someone to desperately want me, to beg me, I want to own them, I want to be owned..i can switch back and forth between the sadism and masochism but I can't do vanilla it's too predictable it's a charade i can't maintain for long.. it's blah....average, normal, unexciting. It doesn't make me sociopathic just because I can't feel most of the time..

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    4. If you feel tenderness like something average,normal, you don't feel tenderness.

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    5. Jose - you're right I don't feel tenderness generally i have felt it a few times..

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    6. I don’t think the problem is boredom; nothing of that kind. Boredom is what goads you to live, to engage in life experiences. You may say you are bored and the only thing that arouses you is suffering but it doesn’t make sense. You can be bored because there is no difficulty, no challenge in the possibilities that luck offers you, you can be bored because people around you insist on behaving like they always behave, but if you can’t enjoy tenderness or intimacy or harmony in wishes and experiences, you cannot say it’s boredom what prevents you to enjoy, because all of these things are highly unconventional, they don’t often occur, they are in fact very difficult to obtain and therefore quite far from causing any sort of boredom.

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    7. You have to give to other people to have joy.

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    8. Well said, Jose!

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    9. Monica: giving is not joyful in itself unless you understand life and can obtain satisfaction from the thriving of others, whether plants, animals or people. If you cannot watch them without feeling the wish of controlling them you will not get any kicks from “giving”

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    10. Jose - you are so naive..whenever you
      give" you control...lol for example oral pleasure. I think a man no matter how in control, dominant, self-assured he is loses all control at that time. The woman who "gives" it to him is in control. sooner or later he becomes addicted to the person giving...an addiction to a person is a real thing it's like a drug..

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    11. I think that if you are free to love, without needing anything( or much, as we all need something) back, you are free in a big way.

      I am no bastion of emotional health. I don't pretend to be. However, I get a lot of love given to me and it gives me a lot of joy.

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    12. I see as naivety to believe that people will become addicted to the pleasure someone gives them just because they are “so good” at giving it. No pleasure is equally important for everybody, no seduction recipe is universal.

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    13. Monica: you are a living being, as your loved ones, and have needs just like them, to give them and not take from them is in fact a position of control, an asymmetry that will in the end cause the relation to be deeply stressed.

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    14. I take, too, Jose. You are right on that asymmetry. I have to force myself to receive and it is hard. I would love to hear more about your life, Jose. However, making yourself vulnerable here can have its downside, as I am sure you have noticed lol

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    15. Oh, sure I've noticed, Monica. But it's just what I had expected. In fact I'm surprised that I'm not really taking any serious attacks, only petty attempts of offending.

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    16. LOL Jose Thank Goodness the turkeys don't bother you

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    17. Not on thanks giving, at least.

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    18. You offend people here? Jose, you are so hardcore!
      What could you gain by seriously attacking comment posts?

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    19. We just got started Jose.

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    20. But it's just what I had expected. In fact I'm surprised that I'm not really taking any serious attacks, only petty attempts of offending.

      Nice try there. It's more that you conveniently run away from them, or anyone you can't talk at.

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    21. Or talk around. The thing I find so odd about his style, is that I never get the sense that he's talking directly to anyone here. It's like he talks around them, as one might do when you're interrupting a conversation they are having with themselves.

      Like he's too good to actually have a conversation with you, but at the same time he must make his presence know within its construct.

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    22. I notice the exact same thing.

      He talks all that shit about giving and taking and tenderness and embracing and the need for control being a weakness, but he can't walk his own talk.

      Clearly he thinks he's using the "turn the other cheek" thing properly. "Never let 'em see you sweat." "If you don't respond, you can't look like a fool."

      Dude seems to have a big fear of being controlled.

      I still think he's a newly recovering addict of some sort.

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    23. That would not surprise me one bit. He has a brain... I'll give him that much. Too bad he thinks he's the only one who does.

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    24. Yeah he does... too bad it's compromised such as it is, like AlterEgo.

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    25. I think my brain has been compromised. haha! But I don't go around pretending I have all the answers to all the questions, though. When you start thinking you know it all, you stop learning.

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    26. When you start thinking you know it all, you stop learning.

      Exactly. As I always say, this guy needs to read more Plato.

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    27. I think this Jose dude is passive and like christians who salivate over the thought of their big-brother God sending their enemies to the fires of hell, is on a power trip. ITs that weird God of love who will torture people who aren't loving for eternity.

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    28. I just read this thread and it's too good to be true... so I should be nice to you; then, to be coherent with my preaching, I should be tender to sweet Medusa and sweet Raven, is that right? Well, as I said, too good to be true... I'm not one for turning the other cheek, in case you hadn't noticed.

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    29. No, you don't need to be nice or tender or sweet. But you do talk about about give and take, yet I only see you taking, disguised as giving.

      I'm not one for turning the other cheek, in case you hadn't noticed.

      Then why is it so hard to engage you in conversation? How come you can't answer any questions directly instead of talking around them? How come when you are offended or think someone is insulting you, you run?

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    30. I am not offended, medusa, I don't feel insulted, I'm just not that easy to be interested unless there is something said or proposed that wakes up my interest.

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    31. No. Nothing here seems to have interested you at all so far, according to your own words, except the sound of your own voice. Yet, you are here, everyday. You found this website. You searched for information about sociopaths. You decided to stay at the site where the 'sociopaths' are. Clearly you are interested in the whole shebang.

      Besides, I'm not so sure you have the ability to see or think anything you haven't seen or thought before already. If it doesn't agree with you, it is to be ignored. Also, if it's anything accepted by the mainstream, or any ideas that were thought of by anyone besides you, it is also to be ignored.

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    32. I wasn't saying you felt insulted (interesting that you bring that up, though), I was saying that it wasn't an insult.

      You said the other day that you think people are merely just trying to throw insults at you.

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    33. You can be quite boring, Medusa, did you know that?

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    34. You are the only person I've ever heard in my life have that opinion.

      And, you know, bored is as boring does.

      Me, I find you to be a lot of fun, and not boring at all.

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  7. People like the reader of this post don’t understand life, but they want to live, and so they look for ways of controlling what they don’t understand. It is said they need control, but this need cannot be properly assessed unless you take into account that life itself is out of the scope of their understanding. A person without this problem will see a plant growing and need no further explanation of what is happening; one of these poor guys will have to cut the plant in two halves to “understand” and only after the plant is dead and no longer grows will they be satisfied. They just can’t leave living things alone, and that includes themselves, they need pain, suffocation, bondage, severe limitation, and only when they feel they have been reduced to an object they reach their own sort of happiness. That’s why they like life in the military, or they make great cult leaders, or they become the best prison watchers. They cannot live, so they don’t let live. They are not happy and they cannot suffer other people’s happiness; peace is unknown to them, and they won’t have others enjoy it.

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  8. Jose- you are so far off I don't know why I bother responding. In fact my issue is i really don't care..what someone else does makes no difference to me. I just have no interest - sure i can make small talk and "fake" being interested but it's a charade. I don't begrudge or want someone to be unhappy it just doesn't concern me one way or another. My point is that 99.9% of people bore me that's all. does that make me evil? I never do anything against someone's will. I am not a prison warden, cult leader or in the military and I can be satisfied and happy just with someone who is a little mean, who doesn't smile as much as other people, driven, competetive, alpha..whom i can dominate at times...or not.lol

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    1. so anon, do you consider yourself a sociopath?

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    2. Anon - 4:12 I don't think I am..maybe I just have certain things in common.

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    3. If most people bore you then you must be boring as well.

      Or are you that special snowflake .01%?

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  9. I had a hard time getting past the first paragraph when he refers to himself in the third person.

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  10. I read snippets past the first paragraph. This is what I got.
    " I'm a sociopath and it was tough, but I developed the sociocode. Then I started growing up and would've gone to prison, but I didn't have what it took to kill people. But I thought about it and could've done it so now I'm the amazing man I am today."

    I read three sentences, how am I doin?

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    1. That's pretty much what I got. Except she's female. There really was no point.

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  11. These people are not sociopaths, because society can make good use of their limitation. In fact, society used these people for centuries, and their lust for causing suffering and experiencing it at the same time was invaluable in the authoritarian systems that have been so common in the world for the longest part of history. You cannot imagine institutions like say the roman legions, the ninja warriors, the SS Waffen, or the KGB without this kind of individuals, they are simply essential. It is in open, free societies where they lose their use and become redundant. They despise democracy, laugh at the idea that “men should be free to look for happiness”, don’t understand ecology, the love of leisure, the idea of life as a sea of possibilities, they only feel respect for those that can overcome and submit them and mistake compassion with weakness.

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    1. I have to admit, that I like this comment, of yours, Jose. However later people noticed that all these killing machines had something in common and called this list of common traits psychopathy (it was called antisocial personality disorder at first).
      Why you are so paranoid about the label?

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    2. Look, Mee: if you fit into society you are not a sociopath. It's easy to understand. Every time society changes some people thrive, some others are left behind. You cannot call sociopaths to the people that become redundant because their abilities are no longer needed.

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    3. Once again, sociopathy is not good or bad, It's just... sociopathy. Like other things are what they are.

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    4. Mee, the ending -path or -pathy in a word is greek and means that the word gives name to a disease. Diseases are good or bad?

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    5. Wrong. Sociopaths are defined by not only fitting in society, but climbing into positions of trust within them. When people meet a sociopath they don't think of someone who's weird. They think that the person is charming and good leadership material. It's only when sociopaths get their position of power that people realize that they are a loose cannon destroying everything in their path.

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    6. These people are not sociopaths, because society can make good use of their limitation.

      Why are you changing the definition of sociopathy?

      And if those people are not sociopaths, then tell me, who is? What exactly is your definition of sociopathy? Are you saying these people are only part-time sociopaths depending on the current form of government?

      Just because someone or something is useful, doesn't mean it's not pathological.

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    7. As usual, you got it all wrong, Medusa... not that I expected anything different.

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    8. Just saying that I'm wrong doesn't make it so. That's just lazy.

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    9. Well, you make me lazy. Maybe that's your virtue.

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    10. Oh, so you do give me control over you then.

      I make you lazy. Yes, I'm quite sure your laziness is my responsibility.

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  12. We are speaking here about a psychic system. The obsession for control that some people feel leads them to abuse others and destroy their lives. Abusive husbands are a good example of what I say. They do things that would be terribly boring for a regular guy. I mean I would never take to the hard task of watching every single movement of my wife, reviewing her phone calls, screening the shopping list with the content of the fridge, monitoring every contact with other people she may indulge in… that would be a bore, a torture for me, but it is a must for them. They know no other kind of family life, they simple cannot see what’s positive in sharing life with another person if they cannot master and control every movement of them, even their thoughts…

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    1. I know women with the same inclinations. They're fuckd up and their children and mates leave them , if not physically, certainly emotionally/mentally.

      If anyone wanted to become a user/sociopath, the women and men married to these fucks would be candidates.

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    2. I agree: there are women with the same inclinations. Control is not an addiction for men only. It may also become sadism very easily, even without the woman realising it's so. Really the fever of control has no end in itself, controllers may kill their subjects and even after that being uneasy lest the dead bodies have disappeared from the place they were laid to rest.

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    3. Jose - you don't get it at all..every day kind control is not interesting in the least it's the kind where you are in someone's thoughts all day they want you above all others they've ever had you keep them off balance in constant need and maybe they do the same to you. I've only had that once and it was probably deviant.. s&m relationship but it was all consuming and exciting. It makes normal relationships boring. There are very few people that can make us tick, there are very few individuals who are not part of the "herd" mentality. what if you don't want a partner to cuddle and kiss you all the time maybe you want someone who "owns" you and has some sadistic streaks what if that is what turns you on? why is that sick? what if normal people bore you and you feel nothing does that make you a sociopath? I don't think so.

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    4. To be subdued or to become master: those are the only possibilities that abusive personalities see in their relation to others. If you are strong enough, I’ll enjoy that you submit me, if you aren’t you will be submitted: without firmly establishing who’s got the upper hand no living together is possible, they seem to think. But of course there are other ways of understanding life. Sharing life needn’t have anything to do with power relations. Knowing who gives the orders and who obeys is not essential to living together, on the contrary, it may well pose a hazard to it. What creates and maintains bonds among people is the sharing of common pleasures, without them, only fear will keep them together.

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    5. In relationships there is always someone in charge. In organizations there is always a leader. Power is everywhere and there is no escape from it. The egalitarian idealism you have is just that: A dream that is not grounded in reality. A close look at any relationship will not find people sharing power, but people knowing their roles and being comfortable with them.

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    6. The abusive, controlling personality causes fear in the people around; if the person is given a power position their system of government will be sheer terror. Fear is the real cohesive substance that keeps authoritarian societies in one piece. Nobody can maintain fear as an everyday feeling better than those “hollow men” who need to experience the fear of others to confirm they are actually alive. They are terribly dependant on their subjects, and that makes them the perfect masters. Slavery would have been impossible to sustain as a system if these people weren’t to be found in the general population. If you don’t enjoy cracking the whip on others, keeping that kind of blind discipline becomes an impossible goal. Only if you really enjoy fear and pain can you become a slave master.

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    7. We aren't talking about abuse. You said that sharing life has nothing to do with power relations. You are wrong. Anything in life when dealing with a organization of two or more people has power relations.

      Any relationship dynamic that is successful will have one person in charge and the other submissive. If you try to put someone who is normally submissive in charge of someone else who has no ambition the relationship will not be successful.

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  13. Paranoid: Very High
    Schizoid: Moderate
    Schizotypal: High
    Antisocial: High
    Borderline: Very High
    Histrionic: High
    Narcissistic: High
    Avoidant: Very High
    Dependent: High
    Obsessive-Compulsive: High

    Sigh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well, I see all those people have problems, but they are high on what?

      Delete
    2. Heh. You really are a very old man, aren't you. That was cute.

      Delete
    3. That's not an insult by the way.

      Delete
  14. Borderline PD test

    ReplyDelete
  15. I wonder if a sociopath and be a borderline as well ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great question. I had it, too.

      Delete
    2. I think that a person is able to have few disorders, but one is higher when others (main disorder). Also there are things that disorders have in common.

      Delete

    3. I wonder if a sociopath and be a borderline as well ?


      No. They can't.

      Delete

  16. Until I came to develop a code rooted in reason, rather than guilt, I was all over the place.

    Another wanna be dexter. It's interesting that you use the word guilt. The entire article is full of it. Guilt for even thinking about cruelty and the inability to move past thought to action because of fear. If you want it just take it. If you want to kill do it. If you want to torment, torture, control, steal, and destroy there is nothing stopping you but your own lack of ambition.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Smart and end up like the other antisocial cunts in prison.

      Delete
  17. When children catch a fly, they will look at it, imagine what mutilations can they inflict on it and then observe how it behaves after having been crippled. If the insect shows it’s feeling pain with bodily agitation or a confused attitude, they will feel happy because they have got to observe a feeling in it, they have introduced themselves inside the brain of the animal. This attitude is typical for a certain stage of the process of emotional maturity. A few years later, this same child will take care of his pets, feed them, take them for a walk, he will no longer feel any thrill in torturing them. Not everybody follows the same path, either. Some people start torturing flies, go for bigger animals and may end up experiencing it with people. They simply never get to the second stage of their emotional maturity, they never get to understand what it really means to be alive, what pleasure can be found in taking care, they want to control the thoughts of others because they never have a clue what they are thinking, so they cannot really get near them and feel they belong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They simply never get to the second stage of their emotional maturity, they never get to understand what it really means to be alive

      I take it you are here to teach them?

      Delete
    2. Living is a process. Some get to the middle of it, some to the first quarter, some never get any further than the first steps.

      Delete
    3. Wow. Just... wow.

      Delete
    4. A prerequisite to controlling the thoughts of others is controlling your own thoughts. The more in control of your thoughts you are the stronger of a person you are able to manipulate.

      You see good as being strong and evil as weak. It's a fairy tale. In the real world the ruthless trample the weak and people who refuse to seize power by reason of virtue alone are left helpless in the power of those that are more ambitious.

      Delete
    5. Ukan PontificateMay 29, 2012 at 11:08 AM

      Jose
      Do you think you know shit about the rise to power of the strong. We rise on the back of the weak, like you. We seize what we get by being and not giving a shit about consequences while people like you can just watch in awe.

      Delete
    6. Who could endure the service as guard in a concentration camp if they didn't enjoy death? That would be simply unbearable, only individuals who never made half of the way to their emotional maturity could fit in there. In our world there are still many places where such people are necessary. The bad thing is that those places have a very bad public image. Human rights, public opinion, those things are ruining the dark and comfortable world in which those people used to live.

      Delete
    7. Who could endure the service as guard in a concentration camp if they didn't enjoy death?

      That is an inaccurate assumption to make. Seems you don't know a whole lot about sociology or the reality of Milgram-style mob mentality and obedience or never heard of how the military works.

      Delete
    8. Please, don't compare the Milgram experiment with the real conditions in Auschwitz. It's you who is lost on reality.

      Delete
    9. Oh, so you were there, then? You're even older than I thought.

      Please explain to me what makes Auschwitz different. I'm truly interested.

      Delete
    10. Did you ever learn it was an extermination camp?

      Delete
    11. Get to the point, would you?

      Again, what is the difference?

      Delete
    12. The Milgram experiment was done to understand why the holocaust happened genius.

      Oh no, Jose, studies! Empirical research! Science! Sociology! Psychology! Education! Society! They are all the enemy in your psuedo shaman world where you make statements with nothing behind them but fluff.

      Delete
    13. That comment of 11:59 was funny, Ukan, I have to admit it. You can't tell the difference between a sociological experiment and reality, and I'm afraid, and neither can Medusita. Milgram just built an experience about the dinamics of obedience and punishment. Extermining people is not exactly the same as punishing them, in case you hadn't noticed.

      Delete
    14. If you cant make the connection you're younger than I thought. You feel like a student to me. Like you can't be more than 20.

      Delete
    15. Again, please qualify that difference.

      This is the third time I have asked.

      Delete
    16. It's a study on obedience to authority to the point of sacrificing your conscience. The question people had on their minds was how normal everyday folk could turn into a mob of murderers at the behest of a few charismatic sadists. The study is done directly on the account of the holocaust. It's not about punishment nor was the holocaust about punishment.

      Delete
    17. What conscience? Do you believe people are born with a conscience? You are more gullible than I could have ever imagined. You have no idea about the limited scope and the real implications of this experiment. It couldn’t be prolonged enough to say something definite about concentration camps. I prefer to read what the people who actually were in Auschwitz or Buchenwald have to say: Milgram experiment is good enough for people who are too lazy to try to understand reality.

      Delete
    18. You have no idea about the limited scope and the real implications of this experiment.

      Again, qualify that. What are the real implications?

      Milgram experiment is good enough for people who are too lazy to try to understand reality.

      And why is this? Why do they think that? PLEASE QUALIFY THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE MILGRAM EXPERIMENT AND REALITY. Do you understand that you aren't answering the question or actually saying anything?

      Talk about lazy...

      Delete
    19. Most people are born with a conscience. That is a proven fact, Jose, and if you are calling me a fool on that topic you must think yourself smarter than the entire field of psychology and science who have shown that through empirical research.

      Lazy is someone who does no research and bases their data off of the accounts of victims who are directly emotionally involved in the situation and have no schooling in psychology or sociology. Science analyzes the situation without prejudice and just looks at cold hard facts. It's like asking a victim of abuse why their husband hits them and taking it at face value as a universal truth.

      Delete
  18. hahaha! Another day of all over the place jose!
    I'll read up on all this in a few. Medusa, I found all kinds of goodies to add to our discussion, but for some reason I can't get the forum to come up.

    I don't know if I just need to reboot my computer, or if it's an issue with blogger. Am I the only one who can't get in?

    As soon as I can, I will start posting my stuff. I'm trying to keep it scientific... the only way you like it! ;p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Naw, it's neither blogger nor your computer... it's the nabble (forum) server being all funky. I'm having issues, too.

      Delete
    2. Okay. Well, once I get in, I'll start a fresh thread. That way it doesn't get lost in a bunch of clutter.

      Did you get a chance to watch that documentary? You can stream it from Netflix. I have a huge crush on the curly headed guy!

      Delete
    3. I did watch it. I'll post about it in the forum.

      Delete
  19. The great thing about life: the impossibility to control and predict it. If you strive hardly to know what will happen next, what the other will do next, you are not living, only repeating a dull routine. The only way to embrace repetitions is a deep fear of life, a secret love of death.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you realize you are acting like an attention whore? Starting new comment threads to make sure everyone sees it?

      God forbid you actually respond to people replying to you, let alone their content, instead.

      You are not interested in conversation, you are only interested at talking AT people. And looking more enlightened than thou.

      Talk about a control freak.

      Delete
    2. I am not interested in conversation with you, in that respect I agree; you have nothing to say, really.

      Delete
    3. And I take it that you believe that you do?

      Yes or no?

      Delete
    4. Oh wow. That's funny. I was just commenting about that further up on the blog... :D

      Delete

    5. I am not interested in conversation

      Take that delete the rest

      Delete
    6. Jose
      Don't let them engage you. Then, just sit back and they will tear each other to bits.

      Delete
    7. I'd like to see that happen :)
      Mon, can't you see that Jose is ruining our meaningful conversations with his philosophical bullshit. He won't even try to behave better if someone will be on his side!
      Hey, we could just ignore him :D

      Delete
    8. Go get raped monica. That's the only thing you are good at.

      Delete
    9. Just wait, Mee. These runts tear each other apart when there is no new meat.

      Delete
    10. Ukan 10:52 that comment really could be used as your best portrait.

      Delete
    11. UKan, you are a one interesting person. Well most of people here are interesting, but I don't know much about you yet.
      Monica, I am really starting to think that you dislike socios...

      Delete
    12. No, Mee
      I have a lot of respect for many of them such as ME, my girlfriend and two other friends from here. They do not act like immature jerks. I have no respect for immature jerks.

      Delete
    13. I'm not worried about your respect Monica. It's hard to value you it when you have none for yourself.

      I could turn around and be nice to you after months of abuse and you would come rubbing against me like a little kitten. I know. I've done it to you before. You would crow about my greatness and tell me everything I have to say has value. However, seeing you in all your forms has just become an annoyance. Every word you utter is just pathetic and disgusts me because it just echos how weak you are.

      Delete
    14. You are so predictable Ukan

      Delete
    15. You couldn't predict the rain on a cloudy day, Monica.

      Delete
    16. This sounds like foreplay, Ukan.

      Delete
  20. If relations aren’t free, they are nothing. Fear of freedom is what hides behind authority lovers. They cannot conceive that something is not clear between their partners and them, that the next day may bring something they hadn’t imagine. For them, life is a constant yearning for going back to an imaginary and delusional primeval origin, where everything was simple, had an aim and was sanctioned by a superior power. They cannot reconcile with a world that changes and with a future that may bring something they are unprepared for, so they seek control and inflict suffering on their “loved” ones, to feel safe and secure that nothing comes astray, that no one will give them an unwanted surprise. To get a kick they must go back to their early days, when they experienced their first and last triumph, killing some little beast, they simply re-enact the original childhood experience, using a new victim by proxy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People kill animals and set fires as a youth, because they are experimenting with power. It's like when you are ten and play doctor with your little friend to discover your sexuality.

      Controlling the outcomes of situations is not an act of fear. It is fear that causes the loss of control: The fear to take action and the fear to take power. The fear to be assertive and the fear to take retribution. The fear to say and do whatever pleases you. If you look at the weakest in the lot all you will see is fear. It's that very fear that allows them to be trampled on without a word being said to the person pulling them under. Among the most powerful you will see a commonality: Boldness.

      Delete
    2. Fear of living. That's the worst of all fears, and it's the origin of self destruction that lies in power seeking and vicious relations. The abuser kills himself and his own family; he poses no danger to society, really. It's because of the media that we have discovered his existence.

      Delete
    3. Fear of living has nothing to do with being abusive. Being abusive is learned behaviour and has to do with how someone learned to obtain and keep power. Abusers don't destroy themselves, they destroy the people around them. The media didn't discover the existence of abuse it was psychology.

      You are wrong on almost everything you say Jose, and have very little understanding of the world. You mask ignorance in sesquipedalia. It's junk food for the fools, and rubbish for the wise who see through it. Your style is typical for psuedo shamans and wanna be cult leaders. You target society and any other outside influence as an enemy and wrap yourself with trite fortune cookie wisdom wrapped in exessive verbiage and a sprinkle of beliefs that make no sense at all. Reveling in the hope that people will search for hidden meaning that don't exist so you feel profound. The truth is that you have little grasp of reality.

      Delete
    4. Ukan, it's very sad to read your rants. You have no arguments, no reasoning, no coherency, nothing but some stupid rage that doesn't let you think correctly. I'd really like to argue with someone who could counter my position, but you can't even answer. There are not two sentences of your tirades that can be put together with all the good will in the world and make any sense. You say that abusing is something people learn and at the same time that it has nothing to do with fear, do you call that reasoning, so you don’t learn to cope with fear? You say that abusing is a way to obtain and keep power, now where in the world do you live? Somalia maybe? Or maybe in your hometown you have to abuse someone if you want to be mayor or police chief? You say that abuse was discovered by psychology... so what did people call a bully before psychology christened them?

      Delete
    5. UKan ConfabulateMay 29, 2012 at 12:11 PM

      Jose, you don't know half of what you mean.

      Delete
    6. I'd really like to argue with someone who could counter my position

      No. No you wouldn't. You've already proven this time and time again.

      Delete
    7. You read other peoples comments?! Holy rusted metal!

      Delete
    8. I don't have any fear. That's why I do and say as I please and I don't care about the consequences or people's feelings. There's no need to cope with something that doesn't exist.

      You cope with fear, and you project that reaction on everyone else. That's why you generalize Jose. People who generalize can't see the world outside themselves. The world, society as you like to call it, is dynamic. The people in it are variables they are not all the same. There's no simple truths.

      Abusing is a way to obtain and keep power. That's not what I said at all, but since you brought it up lets talk about it. Indeed it is one of many ways. Subtle influence, abuse, violence, initiative, boldness, ambition, divisiveness, fearlessness, diplomacy, manipulation, destruction, creation, the list can go on. All are tools in the hands of the powerful. Never limit yourself. There's no code or honour among those with power. You send people to die for you and stab people in the back. The day you are crowned it's on a mountain of those you have defeated whether they were righteous or not.


      You say that abuse was discovered by psychology... so what did people call a bully before psychology christened them?

      Psychology discovered the origins of abuse, why it continues, and why people allow themselves to be abused. It doesn't matter what they called it before. It's like saying people called space the heavens and that is discovery, rather than the scientists who discovered what it really is through exploration.

      Now, You tell me how "The Media" discovered abuse.

      Delete
    9. The media put in the middle of public debate the cases of domestic abuse that so far had been private matters that people avoided to talk about, or, like in the military or in educational institutions, were tolerated and considered more or less “traditional”

      Delete
    10. A guy who says that he doesn't have any fear: that's a poor delusional young boy, really

      Delete
    11. The mechanisms of power have very little to do with personal virtues like “fearlessness”, “boldness” “ambition” “manipulation”, etc., like you seem to believe innocently my dear Ukan, they are relations between people, not attributes of an individual. The plain believers in power, like you, don’t understand the world, because it doesn’t revolve around heroes and great characters, but flows through the actual circumstances; power sway depends on the capacity of leaders to realise what’s going on; something very few of them can do.

      Delete
    12. I'm sorry you cannot grasp the idea that, in reality, there really are people in the world who do not feel fear, and not just sociopaths. Not even repressed fear, which you are implying.

      This has been backed up by science, MRIs, exploring the amygdala.

      The mechanisms of power have very little to do with personal virtues like “fearlessness”, “boldness” “ambition” “manipulation”, etc.,

      What, then, is your definition of 'power'?

      Because I think you two have different definitions (if you have one at all, Jose).

      Delete
    13. If the mechanisms of power had little to do with personal virtues of fearlessness, boldness, ambition, and manipulation you wouldn't have books written and read by powerful people on the topic of power that focus on those attributes.

      Plain believers in power like me have power already and got it from understanding the world outside of themselves and exploiting it.


      power sway depends on the capacity of leaders to realise what’s going on; something very few of them can do.


      Another vague truth to simplify something that is vastly complex. Obtaining and maintaining power is reduced to just realizing what's going on. What a joke.

      Delete
  21. Jose, be honest to yourself and stop the pseudo philosophical bullshit, you're just an attention seeking narcissist.

    ReplyDelete
  22. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Jose, how about we get past all this preliminary bullshit and tell us about the person who broke you? You seem pretty bitter, and you seem to feel pretty powerless, and I find it curious that you spend so much time concentrating on talking about people who you see as beneath you, or weak, or limited (note: you talk about them, but why not actually talk with them? A closed and judgmental mind is not attractive and limits your intelligence). All your writing seems to me like it's an attempt to take psychological control over something that has controlled you in the past.

    Let's share. Tell us about who hurt you. Walk your talk. Tell me I'm wrong, but also tell me why I'm wrong. Don't be lazy with your mind and other people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Admitting would mean being exposed and showing weakness, he's never going to do that, he'd lose 'control'.

      Delete
    2. I don´t talk about you, Medusa, I don't know you, why should I talk about somebody I don't know? I understand that you do it, but that's the reason for you to say nothing.

      Delete
    3. I'm not asking you to talk about me. I'm asking you to talk about you. Please read my comments more carefully.

      Delete
    4. Don't be silly, how could I talk you about all that delusional babbling you have made up about someone you pretend could be me?

      Delete
    5. delusional babbling lmao

      Delete
    6. Precisely why I'm asking you to talk about you. From the horse's mouth. Correct my errors and assumptions. Share. Give.

      Delete
    7. Talk about you first, then I'll follow suit.

      Delete
    8. We are talking about you right now, don't try to gaslight the conversation and switch object and subject in order for you to avoid your fears.

      Delete
    9. Gaslight ROLFL

      Delete
    10. You are very bad at manipulating people, Medusa; you can be nagging, though.

      Delete
    11. I'm not trying to manipulate you. I'm trying to engage you. Or perhaps I am trying to manipulate you, into engaging, and being real.

      Wasn't it you the other day that said that most people manipulate on a regular basis, and that it was a normal thing and not inherently bad?

      Have you changed your definition overnight?

      Delete
    12. Funny thing, though, is that it's working.

      So I really can't be that bad at it, now can I?

      Delete
    13. Medusa
      You got advanced degrees in Gaslighting. You are Professor Emeritus

      Delete
    14. Heh. So you hate me again, because I've torn down your new cult leader in your eyes.

      I think I might have overestimated your emotional growth the other day.

      Delete
    15. It's not that, Medusa. Jose is not some rube or even some hot head like Luke. I wish you could have merits on your intelligence and wit, as you have PLENTY, not on trying to bring down other people. My discomfort is not for myself, or even for Jose. It is for you. You are better than that, Medusa <3

      Delete
  24. Replies
    1. The most boring attention seeker ever, probably works in a library.

      Delete
    2. I loved that one... in a library!

      Delete
  25. All I hear when I hear Jose talk is a preacher on a pulpit, reading his own book, and teaching its eternal knowledge and infallibility. Chatter from the audience is not accepted, and responses will not be heard as they contradict the word of Javier. He's exactly like alter, but worse.
    No one here needs to be preached to as if we're a mob. All of us I think are arrogant enough that it isn't likely we'll respond well to such condescension. And he currently assumes he's untouchable. Which will make him an easy target. Soon he'll read the comments of others because they'll be full of information that will dig past his Zen philosophy and straight into his inflated ego.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Who is giving it attention ? sociopaths ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People who read and comment on this blog. It's hard to not to pay attention to him, because he's all over the place :(

      Delete
  27. Monica, you are obviously one being the fake UKan. Stop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. no way that is monica

      Delete
    2. Lmao Was that a fake Ukan? Which ones?

      Delete
    3. Fuck This is great entertainment

      Delete
    4. This place is a fucking mental institution but I love it.

      Delete
    5. That fake Ukan is very creative. I will give him that LOL

      Delete
    6. You are faking me monica. You gave it away yesterday. It's cute when you try to be clever. It's like you are trying to have value, even though you lost it when you got molested.

      Delete
    7. You've been abusing me because deep down, you love me.

      Delete
    8. LOL Fake Monica

      Delete
  28. I want to marry this woman for about a month. then we will be allowed to see each other once/year. Amazing inner beauty that reminds me of Beethoven when he wrote music while being dear.

    ReplyDelete

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