Friday, May 25, 2012

Sociopaths, loss, and fungibility

I have been thinking about loss recently. I have always thought that I treat people as being more fungible than they are used to being treated. I once warned a friend that i was likely to use her up like a paper napkin and dispose of her. I have always understood what a "friend of convenience" meant to me, and treated those people accordingly. I am unable to care for those people unconditionally. The kindness I show them is directly proportional to the value they have to me.

When I was younger, I was as quick to make "friends" with inanimate objects as they were real people. One particular "friend" has stuck with me through the years. He is as valuable to me as most actual friends, and perhaps even some family members. I lost him once and was able to reclaim him only through hard work, brilliant problem solving, and luck. Since then I have been very careful with him, until recently. I was scheduled for a long trip and wanted my friend to come along, but was worried for his safety. I started searching for a substitute on the internet and chanced upon his twin available for sale. When substitute friend came in the post, he looked different, and I still favored my old friend. Quickly, though, the two have become surprisingly interchangeable. Whatever my faults, I have always considered myself a rather loyal person by nature (Cancerian?), but here I was discarding a lifelong friend for someone who just fit nicely into the mold. But am I so different from empaths? One of the empaths in my life said the following about loss:
"One of the saddest things about death is that the world does go on, and you feel like that devalues the person that they were. Eventually even we move on, we fill the void that was left with other people. We have to, it's human nature."
However, she admits that void fillers won't ever be perfect. She remembers particularly her mother losing her parents, how painful that was, and how she was never able to find that type of relationship again, not like she expected to.
"People come in and out of our lives a lot. That's the nature of the beast. For some reason in our culture, only family sticks around, and even then certain family members will drift apart."
Death has never made me sad, maybe I because I've never cared that much about anyone who has died. I have lost people in other ways and been sad, but am I really sad for their loss? Or am I upset that they have left me? Angry at myself for failing to keep them around?

134 comments:

  1. well i could really relate to your post and i am an empath!, im closer to my pet cat then i am to my father. If he died tomorrow i think...nope i definately know i could easily shrug it off,..but to be fair the guy is a total arse!! Besides iv got past the phase when i was adament i was going to shit all over his grave stone the day he did die, and finally free up some much needed space on the earth for someone more worthy of oxygen.

    I don't have friends i have aquaintances. I actually don't think the people i know even qualify as friends, they are easily replaced. However i strongly believe that has far more to do with their lack of personality then my mental state. The world is littered with dull people. And i have to have someone to have a chat to now and again.

    Im deeply close to only one of my relatives. Id lay down my life in a heart beat. If i ever lost my relative id want to be buried in the same plot immediately.

    I know why i don't form attachments its obvious to me, i wasn't raised in a family environment that taught me how to form attachment. Im used to solitude. Infact i prefer it. Im at complete ease being on my own, dipping in and out of others peoples lives when i choose.
    Taking from them what i need (which is usually either conversation or sex) and not giving anything back.

    Im not at all selfish though, i just refuse to give anything to people who i know for definate will try to take advantage. And i feel good about that. It doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me a smart person.

    For me its about the quality of the person not the quantity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All this wondering about REAL feelings, fake feelings... it's completely useless. I mean, once you look INTO feelings, whether yours or others', you are going nowhere, there is no core inside, no nucleus, no rocky bottom to offer a reference. Inside feelings there is nothing but cells ticking, blood running, flesh throbbing, and all these things want is just go on the way they do it; now and a billion years ago, when empathy, loss feeling, friendship and other human concepts weren’t even a project.

      Delete
    2. Jose,
      You may want to reword this in a way it follows and makes sense. I am curious to hear what you are trying to say here.

      Delete
    3. Feelings evaporate rapidly if you give them their head. They are merely cogitations, in the end. Evolutionarily speaking, they *can* guide social relations, but they do this best when *felt* in their rawest format, before we mutate them into culturally sanctioned eg fear of ostracisation into guilt or shame.

      It's just a guess, but maybe sociopaths are better at feeling and moving on, skipping the mutations.

      Even as a neurotypical, it's difficult to feel guilt once I've felt the fear and decided on a good course of action.

      Delete
  2. T, quantity over quality equivocates to shallow over sophistication.

    So I like your position, personally.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I personally went crazy and sought therapy for a bit after my Grandma died. She was very practical, blunt, logical and intelligent and though she was not a warm person by any means, she was the last adult in my family who made any sense (my father's an aspie, my mother a childish, paranoid narcissist, my other Gramma has Alzheimer's, and my uncle has brain damage that renders him childlike and low functioning). So essentially, my "grief" stemmed from the loss of someone of value, a good mind and the last source of support for me. Incidentally my therapist was confused by this and attributed a lot nicer qualities and feelings to me than I have, which is fine by me.

    Sometimes I think I'd like to feel what attachment on an emotional level feels like, but it seems so enslaving and limiting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Singling out your Grandma in your family you try to rationalize your feelings; I don't think that's a good idea. No feeling, ever, has a rational ground, much less when it's really strong.

      Delete
    2. I'd argue that feelings do indeed have rational grounds, and what you said above tells me that you'd agree:

      Inside feelings there is nothing but cells ticking, blood running, flesh throbbing, and all these things want is just go on the way they do it...

      ...which is, rationally. Science.

      And from that it follows that reactions to those emotions, however strong, are also rational. These reactions mirror the emotions respectively in strength, whether it is apparent outwardly or not, whether it is self-aware or not.

      To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction. Science.

      However, just because something is rational, doesn't mean it's in one's own overarching self-interest, or is conducive to a species' survival.

      Delete
    3. Oh, sure, cells are rational. They are not flesh, they are science... Medusa, I'm afraid you got it all wrong

      Delete
  4. I'm usually upset from death. Not because loosing something, maybe a bit, but I’m hypochondriac and I want to survive at any costs. I like myself just too much to die after a long suffering. I’m sometimes careful sometimes careless about myself and others. But, there are others, my true friends, my “friends”, whom I see something usable in them, and on the top my family, who I do care about.
    Maybe I’m a narcissist, maybe I’m not. I just don’t know. The border between NPD and Sociopathy/Psychopathy is too blurred to be decided by myself, and I really don’t want to been given a stigmata, which can ruin my life, from any professional.
    Btw. I like reading Sociopath World.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think maybe you are sad that they can't make you happy anymore. I figure with myself, what I value in a person is exactly what they give to me and how I value what they gave.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I really like this Blog.I like it a LOT cuz you guys try to be honest.
    There are the douche bags one must navigate but I prefer it to fake people .

    At the moment, I don't see clear distinctions between MANY Sociopaths and MANY empaths.

    The Socio's who would throw a hedge hog over a fence, stab it, see it's human like face cry and care nothing are in one category .


    I don't see MOST of the Socio's on here like that. It seems like the majority are not.


    With empaths, many are jerks and asses to such a degree that they are virtually heartless.

    So, for me, at the mo, some of the major demarcations do not seem valid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha! YES! The ghost of Christmas past.

      Delete
    2. Well people are more honest while being anonymous :)
      I don't need to dissect a hedge hog, because I already know how mammal insides look like and I don't need to kill anyone. Also hedge hog might bite me and his blood could leave a stain on my shirt and then I would need to wash it :)
      Sociopath is like a wise empath. Take away empathy and when only logic and spontaneous actions remain :)

      Delete
    3. It's interesting reading old Erin's stuff.

      Delete
    4. Would Spock have been a sociopath if he couldn't do the Vulcan mind meld?

      Delete
  7. One of the things really dangerous people have in common is their bias to play with death, Both theirs and others’ death; come to the point, they see no real difference between the death of their victims and their own death, and that’s why they are so deeply aroused by killing. They identify themselves with dead people, they often have intercourse with the corpses. I wonder if our wannabe socios and psychos would like to try this experience, as a part of their sociopath education.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What about the freaks who like to not just have sex with with the corpses, but eat them as well?

      Delete
    2. That's it; I'd like to see some of those who think that becoming a sociopath would mean immediate social promotion before such a dish!

      Delete
    3. Maybe they feel so alone they don't want to connect because it is annoying. A corpse doesn't try to make them feel something. Maybe it's a relief they don't have to perform fake emotions.

      I wonder if I'm alive all the time. Maybe I feel corpse-like myself. Maybe I'd enjoy a penis in rigor? Who the fuck knows?

      THese are hypothetical situations. Thoughts do not make the man. Just because I can totally imagine sleeping with a corpse doesn't mean I'd fuckn do it.

      I think it would be fun ! How bout you Greenie? As you were outted the other day as a wannabee, are you borderline freaky like me? Do you imagine shit that people bring up just because if you really concentrated on it, you could find a logical reason why it could make sense ?

      Get me a corpsee. I need a stiff cock !!!

      Delete
    4. Isn't fucking a corpse technically a masturbation?

      Delete
    5. I usually make a difference between crazy and stupid people, but in the case of corpse-lovers I would say both conditions melt together perfectly.

      Delete
    6. Anon 2:13, your first paragraph does indeed describe a state of death.

      Delete
    7. If fucking a corpse is technically a masturbation, then 2 socios getting it on would be AMazInG.

      Delete
  8. When I was in the kindergarden, I had a friend, who would do anything I told him to do, run, jump, crawl, talk, be silent and so on. It was until his younger brothers birthday. I told him to put his brother on his back and run in circles. I told him to do it faster and faster, until his little brother fell down. Then I told him to never obey my commands again, because I wanted to avoid responsibility for his brothers little accident.
    Later we met again in middle school. He always considered me his best friend and I like to have him around too. While I am cold, easily bored and wanting stimulation, he is very emotional, lazy and probably has ADD and is easy to control. We are still friends and I consider him a friend, because his attachment to me made me to be a little bit attached to him to.
    If he would die I would be a little bit disappointed, but I wouldn't have any other feelings about it, because people die and I am not able to change it and his death wouldn't cause any harm for me. Besides I have one more friend in backup (while other people are just aquaintances or pupets (yes, I'm single at the moment)).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You will not know what you would feel at somebody's death until they actually die, and even then you won't understand it. A lot of people feel bereaved when a stranger dies, but they don't even move an eyebrow when the deceased is their brother. Then you have all those freaks howling with tears in their eyes when Michael Jackson died. Most of them hadn’t a stronger relation with him than listening one or two of his songs.

      Delete
    2. I'll leave a note for myself to write about how I feel when he'll die (not). I don't understand those idiots too, why should I care about Steve, when my ipod is working perfectly and that's all what I want from that guy, I wouldn't even know about him if those idiots wouldn't have posted sad shit everywhere...
      Maybe people just follow the herd? They are afraid to look like monsters?

      Delete
    3. All the "secret" about empaths is that they follow the herd, and more importantly, they know how to show it.

      Delete
    4. Michael Jackson was a symbol for those people.

      Symbols like that represent huge things. They represent the world. When a huge symbol disappears and is destroyed, the world is destroyed in some microcosmal sense.

      When a family member dies, you grieve the person. Not what they symbolize. Not the whole world.

      The difference is in whether you recognize them as symbols or not.

      Delete
    5. Symbols? If a pop singer is a symbol to someone it's because they are utterly deprived of any real, effective and meaningful symbols, in which case I deeply feel for them.

      Delete
    6. ...Michael Jackson and suchlike, that is.

      Delete
    7. Moreover, real symbols don’t die. Fans cry out: “Michael is alive” which shows clearly that’s the way they wish it were, I mean, they would like badly that M.J. was a symbol, but he falls short of being one, I’m afraid. Even Jesus Christ falls short of being a powerful symbol, in our time, let alone Michael Jackson.

      Delete
    8. I am agreeing with you, Jose.

      Michael Jackson, for them, is a symbol of something else. Their own idealized life and death, perhaps. Only, they don't recognize it as such. Hence, "Michael is alive!". They recognize him as a person, but it in reality, to them, he is not.

      This is also where Christians often fail.

      Or, alternately, they transfer the symbol onto something or someone else.

      Delete
    9. In other words, "Michael is alive!" is an expression of their fear of their own mortality.

      Delete
    10. Speaking about symbols is really adequate; I see that famous people in general aren’t symbols. Firstly they are not sacred, secondly they are not protected by taboos, finally they aren’t really respected by a sufficient number of people; sometimes they are even publicly despised, as it was actually the case with Michael Jackson. If people mourn their deaths it’s because they feel a general urge of like crying together, shouting together, occupying the street and feeling important, and that’s a very good occasion for it. No symbolic dimension here, I’m afraid.

      Delete
    11. You have just described a few of the ancient Greek gods and their accompanying myths and some of the reasons why they existed.

      Which are? Yes, as symbols and allegories.

      Delete
    12. When I listen to music I only have an idea of people playing it. Well there are a few bands, which I like/liked much, so I read about band members, but I don't worship any of them. So this symbol worshiping is one of plenty of things that I don't understand.

      Delete
    13. I don’t think that crying “Michael is alive” could ever be the expression of someone’s wish of immortality. On the contrary, I guess it’s an expression of the feeling that real symbols don’t die; people wish that famous people were something more than people because they want symbols, they need beliefs to shape their identity. Newspapers show us every single day that famous people are miserable, small, weak and flimsy; idols crumble down and are shaped up again real fast in our days, so fast that you have some of them destroyed and created at the same time.

      Delete
    14. Neither do I, Mee. I never have.

      Jose, I didn't say anything about anyone's desire for immortality. I said "fear of death". They aren't the same, and they aren't mutually inclusive.

      As for the rest, that's what I've been saying. Open your mind, gringo.

      Delete
    15. Also, symbols aren't the same as role models or heroes.

      Delete
  9. Ever heard of the tradition in some countries of paying people to cry in funerals? In Spain, two hundred years ago, these people were called “Plañideras” and they were professional mourners. They didn’t enter that trade because they were part of a professional association or guild, but simply because they had the natural gift of crying whenever they wanted. Now they aren't paid for crying, but they still take advantage of their gift in different social situations, and sometimes get credit and free food and drink for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indian Fans Paid To Be Excited About Tom Cruise

      "“Tom kaun? [Tom who?] I don’t know who he is or what he does," an unnamed "artiste" told First Post Bollywood. "We were told to come here by 1pm today and wait for a foreign VIP to come out of the airport gate and scream and shout when he came. None of us know who Tom is. There was a buffet lunch also for us and we were paid Rs 150 for this job today. We do this for television shows and other such events where crowds are required."

      Delete
    2. If they can cry for pay, they can cry in any occasion; that is: empathy is something far shallower and outward than we usually think, and above all: empathy is highly contagious. In many occasions people find themselves crying or laughing without even knowing why.

      Delete
  10. Being part of a herd is an urge in most people; that has nothing to do with empaths or socios; It affects equally to everybody. Some can master it, some cannot, some find themselves in the position of being followed, some need to follow, but positions can change really fast. We are programmed to be able to show submission and/or superiority depending on our place in the herd, on the individual that stands in front of us. The empath and the socio are the same person; the only difference is the behaviour circumstances impose on them. In an open, free society, circumstances are much less imposing, and many poor wretched individuals wander around wondering what their place in the herd could be, they are even ready to be call sociopaths if that means being part of something.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You sound like a newly sober addict of some sort.

      Delete
  11. What the fuck are you smoking, Medusa, and where can I get some?

    No, seriously, what are you smoking nowadays? I've been hybrid or Indica heavy myself, lately. q:

    Loss is a funny thing for me. I think that the less preparation I have for loss, the longer of a window I have open of, "Do I give a damn?" That window always closes, but how fast it closes, or if it even opens at all, seems to be contingent on whether or not I see it coming. Definitely a defense mechanism, to probably keep myself sane, if anything.

    I wouldn't say it's a 100% accurate self-assessment, though, as sometimes I'll be blindsided by something and simply have an, "Oh.." moment, and that's the end of it.

    ReplyDelete
  12. what happens when two socios make eye contact?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Magic....

      Umm..what happens when two empaths make eye contact?

      When two socios make eye contact they may notice the other's socio-ness. Or maybe they just see another person.

      Delete
    2. Heh, it's not what I smoked... it's the aftermath some mysterious substance from last weekend.

      Delete
    3. You going to give that shit another go? Or something less intense, maybe?

      Delete
    4. I've done research on this. I usually get the feeling that 'that's a good mask' or 'that guy's not all there.' I sometimes get a subliminal idea that I'm looking at a sociopath.

      Delete
  13. When someone dies do you cry?

    Sure you do, if it makes you realize your own mortality and you don't want to be mortal or out of control.

    It is never about the person who dies really. It is about the socio or the empath projecting his own pain related to mortality unto another.

    I am an empath and in following the last few days' posts I have come to a realization that what I feel for others is basically a projection of what I feel towards others whether I am doing this consciously or not. I actually even realized my giving slack to the meanies and losers has a lot to do with the pain they are giving me that I am projecting unto them and instead of taking care of me and saying screw you I am trying to take care of the meanies and the losers. Fuck'em, if you will. Live and learn.

    Thank you, socios. You teach me not to overreact when I feel good about someone or bad about someone. Uber-empath indeed translates into over-react by way of emotions. Protecting others at the expense of the self. Fuck that hero shit.

    Now, where does learning from a socio stop? When there is a healthy balance between taking care of the self and then others. Giving, not sacrificing. I'm not a Christian, but Christianity surely has some healthy sociopathic suggestions, plus you get to receive goodies from other Christians.

    Any smart socio should be registered in some sort of well-roganized religion and letting his/her brothers and sisters contribute to their lives. Take the parasitic roots to a high level. A liberal socio is just not socio enough.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When my Grandmother died I felt pretty peaceful about it. Likely because death doesn't bug me so much.

      And no, not because she finally arrived at Heaven's Gate or some shit.

      Delete
  14. Medusa is like a mirror, competing in the fashion of others' style. She was very different when it was the likes of UKan around as opposed to Jose types. TNP has also transformed into a Jose type. Currently popular SW style.

    Medusa, hoa are your shaman crush and roommate? Have you been kicked out yet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The shaman was a year ago. I moved out.

      UKan is still around.

      Delete
  15. I don't know that I've ever experienced real loss. Inconvenience, yes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You will know how it feels like if and when when your favorite child dies tragically due to something you could have prevented.

      Delete
    2. Then, she won't laugh when other people lose children.

      Delete
    3. That won't stop that her. She put the profile of her OWN daughter on SW for everyone to see. What the fuck is up with that?

      Delete
    4. Not the same. She is sadistic, she could possibly even enjoy slight dangers/harms for her daughter, that way she could share something with her and share a similar fate with her. But her daughter's death would be like losing the most important toy, and possibly the only person who slightly loved her. No matter how sadistic she is she wants to be loved (like those who can find even in corpses).

      Delete
    5. OK that makes sense.

      Delete
    6. "AnonymousMay 25, 2012 1:23 PM
      That won't stop that her. She put the profile of her OWN daughter on SW for everyone to see. What the fuck is up with that?"

      Stop lying. You obviously have serious problems. It was probably you who put her profile up on this site. You're the only one who ever brings it up.

      Delete
    7. Raven, people write what they want, its completely up to you to decide to care or not to care about their bulshit. Sometimes I think that sadism is only a mask for you to hide yourself from yourself (and others).

      Delete
    8. Very few people know I'm sadistic in real life, Mee. They think I'm a ray of sunshine. So I would hardly call my sadistic nature a mask.

      Delete
    9. There is no one like me :)

      Delete
    10. Raven put enough private info to lead to her daughter. That's why she can play both ways as 'no she didn't' and Monica as anon counters as 'sure you did.'

      Sure you did, sadistic bitch, if it weren't for you no one would be able to get there. You are careless, you are just not a mother material.

      Turn your sadism towards those who deserve it, like your father. Must be hard to do knowing you partially enjoyed and allowed what he was doing to you. Why did he choose you as opposed to other daughters? Did you seduce him to hurt your mother?

      Delete
    11. You sound angry about something, anon. You should get some help for that. :)

      Delete
    12. You are pitiful, Raven. I am in a gracious space, tonight :D

      Delete
    13. I'm happy to hear that. So am I. :)

      Delete
    14. Have a lovely evening. :D

      Delete
  16. I have deeply loved some people who were irreplaceable. My grandmother was one. I still cry every time I talk about her. She gave me unselfish and unconditional love. I have never gone over the edge, to date. I attribute that, solely, to her love. I do get closer to the edge than I would like but she gave me a sense that I was just as good as anyone else. That has kept me from going down so far that I could not get back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SHe is the one who could not give love to her your mother, and this was a great way of getting back at her own daughter. You were being used.

      Delete
    2. You might say that from looking from the outside but true love cannot be masked. It is felt. One knows it.

      Delete
    3. I cried when my grandmother died because she died the very moment I arrived at the airport to see her. I was pissed off. I was only like 10 minutes away.

      But when I actually approached her casket at the funeral, and saw her lying there, the tears stopped.

      All I could think/feel was, "Oh. Everything is fine. There's nothing to cry about."

      Delete
    4. That's cool, Medusa. You are religious and don't even know it.

      Delete
    5. I just call it by different names.

      Delete
    6. Hey, Monica, could you answer the question I asked your friend about you in previous blog post? :)

      Delete
    7. Tell me the question again, Mee.


      Yep Medusa.

      Delete
    8. "How Monica decided to ask your help, why?"

      Delete
    9. I asked my friend because she was born a sociopath. She does not try to act like an immature asshole like UKan Be Stoopid does. She is a fine person. She was born without empathy. She makes a good life for herself with family and friends. She is an outstanding person, in my humble opinion. I thought she would be someone from whom you could get some answers.

      Delete
    10. She told me that she helped you and then I asked that question (about your case, not mine) :)
      But no one answered the question am I a sociopath yet, only gave me something to think about, but that's helpful anyway :)

      Delete
    11. I will help you, tomorrow, as I think I can. I have to go out, but I will leave you with a few questions. As a child, did you have sensitive feelings or feelings such that if someone made fun of you, you would cry?

      As a child, did you have emotional pain and heart ache but as you grew up, you lost it?

      That is a good place to start, I think. I admire your willingness to ask these questions, as it is not easy. x

      Delete
    12. No, I wasn't sensitive. But I felt confused (and still do) when someone criticized me and I didn't knew why. But I was able to offend easily, for example my mother called me to a kitchen to eat cake, I was a little bit busy playing with toys, so I came later when I had to. My father told me, that since I was late, I won't get any cake, so I turned around and walked back to my room. And I sat angrily there.

      I was angry if I thought that I should be, I was happy for the same reason. But there were no problems you suggested, I think.

      I remeber once I got an idea, that my mother probably feels things like I do (is a living being, not just some entity/object), but I dashed this thought in a minute, because I couldn't believe it.

      When I was 3 or 4 I realised that people die ( I just made a deduction) and imagined my parents dead and I started to cry, because I understood, that I won't be able to make any contact with them then. I was afraid of loosing something that played a big part in my life.

      I was very good with people. Being just a very young kid I was able to gather other, even older kids in one place to play. I always prefered kids older then me to younger or kids my age, because they were just too easy for me and I thought that maybe I became mentaly older then others for some reason, but believed that they will catch up with me later.

      I made a correct analysis about why there are 2 different genders, after accidently seeing a girl in toilet in kindergarden.

      So is this enough info about my early days? :)

      Delete
    13. The way you articulate these you sure are either stuck in your early days or you're indeed very young. What the heck, so pathetic surface observations with no depth or meaning.

      MeeMay 25, 2012 2:47 PM
      No, I wasn't sensitive. But I felt confused (and still do) when someone criticized me and I didn't knew why. But I was able to offend easily, for example my mother called me to a kitchen to eat cake, I was a little bit busy playing with toys, so I came later when I had to. My father told me, that since I was late, I won't get any cake, so I turned around and walked back to my room. And I sat angrily there.

      I was angry if I thought that I should be, I was happy for the same reason. But there were no problems you suggested, I think.

      I remeber once I got an idea, that my mother probably feels things like I do (is a living being, not just some entity/object), but I dashed this thought in a minute, because I couldn't believe it.

      When I was 3 or 4 I realised that people die ( I just made a deduction) and imagined my parents dead and I started to cry, because I understood, that I won't be able to make any contact with them then. I was afraid of loosing something that played a big part in my life.

      I was very good with people. Being just a very young kid I was able to gather other, even older kids in one place to play. I always prefered kids older then me to younger or kids my age, because they were just too easy for me and I thought that maybe I became mentaly older then others for some reason, but believed that they will catch up with me later.

      I made a correct analysis about why there are 2 different genders, after accidently seeing a girl in toilet in kindergarden.

      So is this enough info about my early days? :)

      Delete
    14. I don't really get WHY you think you are a sociopath. Do you pretty much not care about anyone or anything? Is that what you are trying to say? In simple words, what is it that troubles so much about yourself and seems to make you feel you are abnormal? I am trying to get a clear sense of it and cannot really grasp it, in simple terms. Also, are you younger than 18?

      Delete
    15. That is one reason. Nothing troubles me, I'm simply interested. And I just gave you more input about me in my last comment, but it seems that it wasn't helpful. I am older, why you ask?

      Delete
    16. In symptoms:
      Positive:
      glib and superficial charm, grandiose estimation of self, need for stimulation (high), pathological lying, lack of remorse or guilt, cunning and manipulativeness, shallow emotions, lack of empathy, parasitic lifestyle, poor behavioral controls, lack of realistic long term goals, impulsivity, irresponsibility, failure to accept responsibility for own actions, criminal versality, many short term relationships, sexual promiscuity (a bit)

      Delete
    17. A bit lol
      Well, I guess that I don't know. If you are a sociopath, you don't have to be a low functioning sociopath i.e immature jerk.

      At that point, your life could encompass the sociopath traits in the manner that some people do, on here. You accept and embrace them, as my g/f does or someone like ME does.

      You may be a sociopath but you don't have to be a drug dealer selling drugs to grade school kids and bragging about it. That is what I mean by low functioning sociopath.

      I suppose that this blog shows that you can take what you have and use it to your advantage and the advantage of others.

      My g/f is an asset to the people in her life. She is uniquely different from an empath. She is a unique friend to an empath. She will be outstanding in her job, as it will fit her skills some of which are a sociopath subset. Most people could not do her job as it takes nerves of steel.

      I guess the thing is that you can be the best you can be and still be a sociopath. I learned that here <3

      Delete
    18. I value your opinion, because you are THE ONLY uber-empathetic person in this blog.
      Oh, I think that I should say: thank you for your time, Monica :)

      Delete
    19. Thanks Mee. That made my day :D

      Delete
  17. At first I thought being empathetic would give me an edge in bed over someone without empathy. I think that might be true in some cases. But then again, sociopaths must have the potential of being great lovers since they are so tuned into what gets others off- and becoming that. Perhaps more precisely than the powers of empathy can achieve. But then again, there are times when I feel like satisfying a woman demands sacrifice and effort and I am not sure a sociopath would see the point of being so giving.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SUre he would, to tie her into his system, to give her a sense of having found her 'soulmate.' Good sex is a divine experience, and it is VERY easy to feel like you met your creator at the end of a great orgasm by a socio.

      Delete
    2. Sociopaths can't fake "human warmth" very well . Technically , they'll do anything you hint at if they're in a "make her like me" phase , but the warmth isn't there, it feels ...unhot. I googled the meaning of "hot sweaty sex" for my husband once in desperation lol, couldn't find an article defining "warmth", and he has no freaking clue what I mean with it; he asks technical and unrelated questions like "what do you mean "hot", like "rough"? "...
      A bit clueless on what makes sex "sex" as opposed to "naked gymnastics " imo.

      Delete
  18. I'm of the opinion that empathy doesn't exist. Especially for the dead. It's just a selfish impulse turned outward and then back again. If you break off the self you don't have to experience something so unbeneficial.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So empathy in your view is really a selfish impulse out and back. So that exists. So what you do though is "break off the self" and then you don't experience this "empathy"? Is that right? How do you do that?

      Delete
  19. I used to make friends with inanimate objects too. I was very close to a watch I had and in particular, the little band the watch strap would stick under after being threaded. And a cricket lighter too. It was very pretty and the flame would go pretty high. I would talk to them and put them down gently.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I still do it to some extent... what i described in my post was like when I was 10-12 years old, a long while ago... I appreciate things that work well. I like and get along very well with all kinds of animals too.

      Delete
    2. I should also say though... Hi Zoe, how are you? :)

      Delete
    3. pretty good... thanks! I'm glad all is well with you.

      Delete
    4. i don't really understand seeing objects as friends. i mean they're not aware of you back, right?

      but then, everything is a creation of the mind and in a way an extension of the self. maybe the objects you get attached to are aspects of yourself?

      Delete
    5. glad all is well with you too!

      Delete
    6. they perform their function as a back, perhaps you are right though... now I just love things that work

      Delete
  20. I don't deal with death very well I think. I close it off from myself. It's too much to think about and feel. The person is forever gone and will never experience again. And I am still here taking things in. And then if I liked them or was close there's that. It's sad.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I shared this from a post elsewhere. I appreciated it in some ways.
    I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 3:00 in the morning as I check her husband of forty years for a pulse and find none . . . I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back knowing intuitively it is too late but wanting his wife and family to know everything possible was done to try to save his life.
    I wish you could understand how it feels to go to work in the morning after having spent most of the night, out on jobs.
    I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a teenage girl from the remains of her automobile. "What if this was my sister or a friend?" "What are her parents' reactions going to be when they open the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?"
    I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally and sometimes physically abuse us or belittle what we do or as they express their attitudes of "It will never happen to me.”
    I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain of missed meals, lost sleep and forgone social activities in addition to all the tragedy my eyes have seen.
    I wish you could know the brotherhood and self-satisfaction of having saved a life or being able to be there in time of crisis.
    I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm asking, "Is Mommy okay?" not even being able to look in his eyes without tears from your own and not knowing what to say.
    Unless you have lived with this kind of life you will never truly understand or appreciate who I am, who we are, or what our job really means to us ...
    I wish you could though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. some people can't understand or feel those things as i think you may know... some people might exp all that as "what's the point" or they may see you as needing something... why do you wish they could see something?

      Delete
  22. I'm curious... does anyone that posts on here drink or use other "mind altering" substances beforehand? Anyone wish to share?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i usually drink

      Delete
    2. I drink when the event calls for it. I do what my friends do; less risk that way.

      Delete
  23. Machine gun

    Machine gun, tearing my body all apart

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Evil man make me kill you, well i pick up my axe and fight like a farmer now, you know what i mean
      but you still blast me down

      same way you shoot me now baby, you'll be going just the same, three time the pain, machine gun

      machine gun

      Delete
  24. You don't get sad when you hear a stranger died because who were they to you. When someone close to me died I felt rage and helplessness because I didn't do more and there was nothing more to do.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Thanks for writing this!

    Everybody else seems to know exactly how to react to news of a death in the family.

    The old excuse "I'm in shock" only works so many times.

    ReplyDelete
  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  27. When someone dies people feel like they lost one of their sources of power.

    ReplyDelete
  28. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  29. My grandmother died last week, and I didn't feel anything about it, except a vague sense of relief that I wouldn't have to keep visiting her in the nursing home, or fake concern for her well-being anymore. I don't know if I have ASPD, or narcissism, or what... but I can only really relate to other people in the context of how they affect me.

    When I was in college I witnessed a suicide (actually it's immediate aftermath) and I didn't feel anything about that either. I was walking to work and noticed a bunch of people screaming and crying. Someone had leaped from a parking deck and landed on a parked car. The impact smashed the roof of the car in, and severed the guy's limbs. So there was a mess of bloody scattered bodyparts, his shoes had both popped off, and there was a stream of blood running down the gutter and into the sewer. It's a pretty vivid memory that I have. I couldn't look away. I just sort of took it all in, until the police chased us off. Actually, the car belonged to a guy I worked with, which I thought was pretty funny, at least he got reimbursed for it somehow. I remembered wondering at the time if I should feel bad about having seen that. I used it to get sympathy from people for a day or two (Oh you poor thing!) but that's about it.

    I used to work for the Attorney General's office in my state, and a death-row inmate was going to be executed. We had to "witness" his death, which actually kind of interested me until I found out that all we got to do was sit in a conference room, with the warden and executioners on the line, in case a pardon came through at the last second. Despite the guy being a complete asshole who murdered an entire family, it was still kind of a somber occasion. As they were injecting him, some people in the room started sniffling. Obviously they felt some kind of moral weight about the whole affair. I didn't feel anything, not sadness, not glad, just meh. Actually, I was just fucking bored and couldn't wait to get out of there. I think I went drinking after.

    Granted, I haven't lost my parents or my wife, and who knows how I would react to that. I actually care about them, and I feel like I would be very sad about it. But deep down there is always this doubt about whether my concern is for them, or myself and how their death affects me. Not that much doubt, actually.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Use me or abuse me, just don't be afraid to lose me.

    ReplyDelete
  31. My bf who is a sociopath told me on Xmas day,totally out of the blue:"if you die,of course I ll be sad,maybe 2 days,but then I ll go on my road.Because it's my road".I ve forgiven him his cheating,I ve watched him use everyone,he's been in jail 4 times,he drinks...Yet Never recognizes his wrong doings,blaming us the victims instead...I forgave him his 6 years of cheating ,manic moods,rage etc.. ,cos somewhere I believed he loved me..until xmas..I broke it all of yesterday as what he said that day keeps me awake ever since..horrible.So loss...To him,it means an inconvenience which he will quickly fix.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Both myself and my best friend have sociopathic tendencies and he frequently jokes about how if somebody killed me he would hunt them down and torture them to death by dismembering their body and cooking their limbs Hannibal style and forcing him/her to eat them.

    We joke like this a lot and get a good laugh out of it even around people who are empaths just to freak them out lol.

    As far as the whole attraction to objects goes, I have a strange affection for my tech gadgets such as my smartphone or tablet and even get kind of sad if I break it whereas I don't get sad if people die unless it is for selfish reasons (such as somebody who benefits me or that I otherwise like drops dead or an attractive female dying due to me being a male in my mid 20s thinking with my penis).

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.