Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Envying the sociopath?

Psychology Today recently presented two arguments for why women seek to marry criminals, particularly murderers: (1) women seek mates with strong male markers like aggressiveness and (2) women dream of being the one person in the world that can reform them.  This author argues another theory in Jezebel--women are envious of sociopaths:


After all these years of hearing from young (and not-so-young) women who are fascinated with predators, I've developed a theory of my own. The women who become easily intrigued by sociopaths are of course interested in protecting the vulnerable (including themselves). But they are also enthralled by those who represent the opposite end of the emotional spectrum from where these women find themselves.

Sociopaths, by definition, lack compassion and remorse. Some young women in our culture, on the other hand, are overwhelmed by those very same things. Think of emotional sensitivity as a spectrum from 0-10, similar to the volume controls for a radio.  It's healthy to be tuned into the needs of others at about 4 or 5 on the continuum.  At that volume, you're aware of the needs of those around you without being overwhelmed by them. But for some women, the world's "emotional noise" comes through at 8 or 9 on the spectrum. The needs and demands of others are so clear and loud that these young women often can't hear themselves think.  They're nearly incapacitated from the effort of absorbing so much emotion, and frequently they feel immensely guilty for not meeting the insatiable demands of those around them.  Is it any wonder that they become fascinated with — and even, in some sense, envious of — sociopaths?  What else is a sociopath than someone whose "volume control" for the needs of others has been set to mute? 

There may be women who fall for dangerous predators because of the evolutionary impulses that Ramsland cites; others may be filled with the desperate quixotism that Seltzer suggests, believing that their love is powerful enough to tame even a serial killer. Many surely identify with strong female characters like Mariska Hargitay's Olivia Benson, SVU's brave and relentless protagonist. But admiration for the cops and lawyers who keep the streets safe is only part of the draw. For many who have made SVU and CSI into two of the most successful scripted televisions shows of the modern era, the fascination may be less about attraction than about a strange kind of envy of the shows' sociopathic villains. How many bright, talented, acutely sensitive young women have occasionally fantasized about having an internal "mute button" that could silence the judging, nagging, needy voices of all around them?

I can sort of see this.  They may also want to be around sociopaths because sociopaths are relatively "silent" emotionally.  I have at least a few female friends who are on the other extreme of the empathy spectrum than I am.  I think one of the things they like about me is that they can be extremely emotional needy about things, e.g. take several months to get over a break up, and know that I'll let them talk forever and when I get bored of hearing about it, I just tune them out.  I'm not put out by it, I am not really anything about it at all.  I guess there's something nice about being around someone who isn't feeling exactly what you're feeling.  But I don't know, that's basically my life all the time, so I have no basis for comparison.

179 comments:

  1. I am dreading the long stream of comments by female readers who want to insist that they can relate to this because their ex was a sociopath. He wasn't diagnosed, of course, but, you know, if was, like, totally obvious in retrospect...

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    1. I love to be hunted down selena. Frankly I don't see your point lol.

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  2. To be honest this article is way too long. I really don't care about this topic. I like people envying me but i like pity more for some reason.

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    1. Pity is only useful to me if I'm hiding something and I can distract with it. If it is fake I am using it as a resort but if it's real I am not comfortable with it. I'm not as in touch with my neediness though.

      Maybe that's why I like protective men haha. They bring out my feminine side lol.

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    2. You should get in touch with it more and see what that brings you.

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    3. Why? I don't feel like being needy. It's a choice. But I'll try it tx.

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  3. Just in case anyone was wondering, M.E. is a female.

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    1. Combine this with her theory of the flexible self, that no one here agrees with, and you get a wannabe.

      Delete
    2. a. Is a sociopathic male always alpha?

      b. There's a book Why do men Marry Bitches. Haven't read it but I'd like an article on men liking bad girls. How 'bout it, ME?

      Delete
    3. And you know ME is a female how?
      What ever did happen with the people at Coachella that met ME?

      Also, anon 2:53, a lot of men like bad girls because they are:
      a) the best fucks
      b) don't get clingy
      c) will not demand you put on a Snuggie (or whatever it's called) and watch chic flicks
      d) will not gush, have posters of, or write terrible poetry about the love they feel for that fag from Twilight
      e) usually will not freak out and start crying and bitching when you come home drunk at 3am
      f) are much more likely to be open to a threesome...
      Do I really need to go on?

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    4. isn't a famale sociopath called borderline?

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    5. Is that true?

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    6. You do not need to go on. But I will!

      WHat is very nice about being bad is that I can put on a cashmere sweater and just think soft thoughts, and men will think I am. Men are very fooled by visuals and soft touches. It brings them back to Mommy. So I can be both bad and sweet and they think they have a mix of the perfect woman.

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    7. The perfect woman is one with no cloths on, legs wrapped around me and mouth only open when catching a load or sucking my cock

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    8. No only some people will say that the borderline is a sociopath. They are the ones who get whipped into thinking our pain is contrived because we can step out of it easily.

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    9. Not whipped. Confused.

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    10. "c) will not demand you put on a Snuggie (or whatever it's called) and watch chic flicks"

      couldn't agree more

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    11. Anon 9:08, so by that logic you would find the ugliest, fattest, neediest, most diseased pathetic Justin Bieber/Twilight fan perfect as long as they're willing to fuck you? Wow, you must be some catch!

      As I've quoted before: every woman wants a bad boy who will be good just for her. Every man wants a bad girl that will be good just for him.

      Delete
  4. Every ex of mine called me a sociopath. The nerve of them!

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    1. Every one of mine call me puzzling, say I don't know what I want, and tell me I need a nap. The nerve of them.

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    2. You guys pay attention to what they say ?

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    3. LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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  5. alpha male socioMay 9, 2012 at 3:14 AM

    I make my woman feel like this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEWuAcMWDLY&feature=related

    lol

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    Replies
    1. confidence, lack of morals, ruthlessness tend to help people get ahead in all areas of life..have you ever seen the movie "in the company of men" in it two men strike a bet to both date the same woman and see which one she falls for. One really falls in love with her but the other she falls in love with instead. One of teh men is a sociopath. The other is a nice guy who feels bad and tries to tell the woman about the bet...she doesn't believe him and explains how her and the sociopath are in "love". not to completely spoil it for people here but suffice it to say the sociopath takes of his mask and tells her the truth just to watch her suffer and cry while enjoying it. He then proceeds to go home to his girlfriend who is clueless as to his true nature. very few movies show characters such as these so brutally honest without any of the feel good ending you come to expect.

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    2. I have seen it. LaBute. Remember the guy who has the young black man in his office and has him take his pants off to see his dick? He just gets off on degrading. Was that the same character? Or am I referencing a different movie?

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    3. That's right forgot about that part. It's Aaron Eckhart he is brilliant. You guys should see it this movie it's very different.

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  6. I happen to love my husband. He beats me, but he is a simple man with simple needs.

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    Replies
    1. Is simplicity something you admire about him? If so, why? Personally, I find simplicity boring - the more layers a man has, the more fun and interesting it is to explore his personality and understand what makes him tick.

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    2. Finally, Mrs Kanney tells the truth. Good for you. Get yourself some help. Is there a woman's shelter near you, dear?

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    3. I consider Mrs.Kanney's excuse (UKan’s simplicity) to be more interesting than the obvious fact that she gets beaten.

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    4. We know he is simple. What's the news in that?

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    5. The fact that she uses it as an excuse for getting beaten.

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    6. Ok--you have a point Alia. She has to justify it, some way.

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    7. UKan FallferettMay 9, 2012 at 6:41 AM

      Alia you are simple for thinking that was actually my wife.

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    8. And dear, he is making you SIMPLE with simple needs.
      Look at the picture, first!

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    9. It's not love it's "Stockhome Syndrome"

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    10. Why not think that, UKan? Your wife stated in the past she considered you to be simple, and I’m sure you’re impulsive enough to hit her sometimes. Are you saying it’s out of character for her to actually admit to getting beaten? Why wouldn’t she, since you’re clearly sociopathic enough not to be embarrassed by such a thing? However, I’m relatively new here, so I admit the possibility of some personality subtleties evading me.

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    11. And just to clarify, UKan, I didn’t read ‘simple’ as ‘stupid’, far from it. It’s obvious to me you’re very intelligent. I read ‘simple’ as ‘easily understandable in your drives’.

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    12. Simple is not stupid. It is pig headed.

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    13. *raises hand*


      I have to say I consider myself simple. I am a very intelligent woman, too.

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    14. Do you feel you make a man simple with simple needs?

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    15. Men are born with simple needs. I don't have to do anything.

      Delete
    16. Dr Franklin Fomentile PhDMay 9, 2012 at 9:09 AM

      A "simple" man is that way because he is cut off to other parts of himself, for various reason(s) The upshot is a shut down person who abuses himself or abuses others. The root is a shallow person with little emotional capacity.

      Delete
    17. Why not think that, UKan?

      Because it's obvious. What I'm telling you is that you are simple, as in a idiot, for missing it.

      Delete
    18. Simplicity is an art form. It's a distilling process.

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    19. I have made a success of my life being simple.

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    20. I like to fuck up women beaters. The witnesses are always on my side ;)

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    21. Get some help, Mrs Kanney.

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    22. It won't happen again.

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    23. It really was obvious it wasn't the real Mrs Kanny, though. I have a feeling she would have ripped his nuts off if he actually hit her.
      Chosen One, have you ever actually tried to get between a woman beater and his punching bag? She will be the one attacking you for daring to touch her perfect sweet guy.

      A song about a woman beater. Granted, sung by a man, but from the woman's perspective:

      http://youtu.be/qNoINHdM5WA

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    24. Great song

      Delete
    25. Yeah... many. Both end up in the white taxi if that's that case ;)

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    26. Never been a big fan of putting myself between a bullet and a target, personally.
      You can't help those who do not want to help themselves. Trying to help those women just seems to make them more determined to stay and 'reform' their abusers and makes the man even angrier at the loss of face/control, which will only realistically lead to more abuse coming to their woman. Too much hassle for not enough gain for my liking ;)

      Delete
  7. Someone is in a good mood.

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  8. I find those emotional sponges pathetic. Some of them are attracted to me, and others find me repulsive. Either way, meh.

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  9. I am not naturally as empathetic as I was forced to be. I chose this maladaptive response rather than another like becoming hardened, I suppose. You choose subconsciously. I had to have heightened perception in order to stay safe. That is how I got to be an uber empath.It is an aberration. It is not desirable. It is a maladaptive response to a hostile environment.

    A sociopath friend is like a cool stone on which you can rest. If you had a lot of trauma, you can be red hot, emotionally. There is really no place you can show this as it is very off putting lol

    The sociopath will allow you to do this, as ME said. For me, my sociopath g/f gets a lot from me, too. She can ask me questions about how an empath would respond to situations. She can show someone her face with some slippage of the mask. I think she respects me, a lot. I think respect may be a bigger thing for a sociopath than an empath, even.

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    1. I don't see you as an upper empath. I see you like
      someone in Scott Peck's book "People of the Lie."

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    2. Upper empath LOL

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    3. Typing error. uber empath - whatever, you get my
      drift. Maybe, not.

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    4. I don't think you're an upper empath, either. I think you likely feel things very intensely, but that's not the same as empathy... in fact I'd argue the opposite.

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    5. How so, Medusa?

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    6. Well, you know how someone says they are 'sensitive'... but a fair amount of the time they are sensitive, yes, but really only to themselves.

      I haven't really seen you express a whole lot of empathy except for surface politeness, and when you do I think it's really you feeling empathy for yourself via another (which not necessarily a bad thing as long as you recognize it, because it's a form a self-love which you need, but if you don't it's just plain narcissism). And most everything you say refers back to yourself.

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    7. ^absolutely

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    8. OK, I will think on it, Medusa and agreeing Anon.

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    9. I think you have to be really, really selfish and after you are all filled up, you can give.

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    10. ^narcissist

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    11. Well, if one side is too weak and one side is too selfish? If one side is too co-dependent and the other is too N, where the Hell is the right answer?

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    12. ^doom is on its way

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    13. You have to practice self love just like you have to practice intimacy.

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  10. If you have even an ounce of curiosity and/or imagination, at least once in your life you would have wondered what it's like to live another life, be a different person, or have an extra thumb/arm/head (whatever).
    Take this simple curiosity, add a little self-pity, sadness, and whatever negative feelings you can think of to the mix, and you get a person who wants or needs something from an external source to fill something lacking internally. It's not a new concept, and it's never pathetic, because it's natural, sociopath or not.

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  11. I think SW is smokin' again.

    ReplyDelete
  12. “Because it’s obvious”. “You are […] an idiot”

    That was an awfully dull retort, UKan. Insults don’t work with me. Try a logical comeback next time.

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  13. Alia
    You could only wish to have the level of success I do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Level of success...

      Yeah, real successful looking.

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    2. Lol Mr Success GQ

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  14. I don’t remember ever talking about your success, UKan. I find the notion too relative to be worth any discussion.

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    Replies

    1. I don’t remember ever talking about your success, UKan. I find the notion too relative to be worth any discussion


      Ha ha ha. Why don't you give us an in depth analysis of this fake UKan too, Alia

      Delete
    2. It takes an idiot to argue about idiocy, Alia.

      Delete
  15. No thanks, I'd rather laugh with the person taking the piss out of you and insult your intelligence.

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  16. I think that person intended to take the piss out of you, UKan.

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  17. Well, it's good I have you to step on the land mines for me Alia.

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  18. Oh, you really got me good, bravo...

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  19. Alia, do you realize your capacity for self deception? Look in the mirror.

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  20. There are no logical clues about the real identity of who’s writing, dear UKan. It could easily be you with 2 computers. Or not. It’s difficult to see the changing pictures on the gadget I’m writing from.

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    Replies
    1. You gave good advice, Alia. Don't let Ukan get to you lol

      Delete
  21. It's hard for a fool immitate the wise. The person has no substance. You have been here long enough to read a whole article on the backround of myself and my wife I figured you picked up on idiosyncracies by now.

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    Replies
    1. The wise lmao

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    2. I see you're back from your trip, UKan. Are you tan?

      Delete
    3. UKant Believe It's Not UKanMay 9, 2012 at 5:04 PM

      UKan, you're a sociopath, correct?

      How can you stomach marriage? I must be more schizoid than socio because I find the idea revolting? It's not that I would hate feeling tied down, because I wouldn't (if I wanted someone else, I'd have them. I have no qualms about cheating), I would just hate to have to keep up the charade indefinitely. It would get so tedious, so quickly. And sharing living quarters? Not having my own space? Fucking kill me now.

      Delete
  22. I came across this site about 6 weeks ago, and didn’t spend much time on it. I've randomly read stuff, and your wife’s article just happened to be a part of it. The posts today were too short to reveal any idiosyncracies to me. It’s not like you’ve never talked about your success or called somebody an idiot before, is it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marcell from forumMay 9, 2012 at 11:33 AM

      Gotcha twice kitt... so fun toying with your mind, hehe

      Delete
    2. Marcell from forumMay 9, 2012 at 11:40 AM

      why didn't you answer my email? I am waiting...

      Delete
  23. I'd say I'm a 5 or so on the emotional scale. I'm sure it used to be higher when I was younger. I'm just really good at not allowing other people's bullshit to get the best of me. That is one of the great things about getting older...wisdom, my friends! I identify with the character, Olivia Benson, on SVU. She's out to kick some ass and take names later. She's no victim!

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  24. Sometimes when I am really bored I start to hate the fact that I hate (or just don't care about almost) everything, I start to boil inside. Then I feel very angry for the state I’m in, but I pleasure every second of it, because it makes me feel emphatic, or at least as an idea of an emphat I have. Then I concentrate on this emotion and try to keep it as long as I can. I hate it, but I enjoy it to. Well it is a very interesting thing, can anyone relate to it, explain it?

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  25. Yeah right. Abused women will scamper quicker than lightening to hover over their man while you are beating them. They have stockholm syndrome type behaviour. They deserve every last punch

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    Replies
    1. The idiots see simplicity because they lack wisdom.

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  26. Yeah right, and you deserve every last punch in the court of
    law from the stockholm defense to the court of law acknowledging "gaslighting." And then your dollars dwindle.
    he he.

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  27. How To Heal a PDMay 9, 2012 at 12:35 PM

    You have to force expression of what your PD won't "allow"
    If you are a sociopath, you have to force empathy.
    If you are a BPD,you have to force abandonment.
    If you are a co-dependent, you have to force identity
    If you are a Histrionic, you have to force lack of attention i.e don't seek attention
    If you are an N, you have to force humility
    etc

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh geez it's you.

      Forcing abandonment doesn't solve the problem of it, it amplifies other issues.

      Delete
    2. hello haven

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    3. Homeopathic psychotherapy? Right...

      Doesn't work like that, bro. I'd like to see you try. You have to work with what you got, and try to turn some weaknesses into strengths. Otherwise you are just faking shit more, which you'd probably were already doing, and fucking up your mind even more.

      Delete
    4. How To Heal a PDMay 9, 2012 at 2:25 PM

      Yes, homeopathic psychotherapy

      Just because something is not mainstream does not mean it does not work. I think it does work. I am not going to talk to stone ears but maybe someone is interested in talking about it or doing it with me.

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    5. Do you have proof? Studies? Even a personal anecdote to back it up? Or are you just talking strictly from theory and/or idealism?

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    6. How To Heal a PDMay 9, 2012 at 3:13 PM

      I am doing it but it hurts like the worst hell you can imagine.

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    7. Well, good luck. I'd think you'd be better served accepting yourself as-is first, flaws and all.

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    8. What Medusa said. And trying to fake your way towards improving sounds like a recipe for misery to me. Isn't self-acceptance supposed to be the key to a healthy self-esteem?

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    9. No, but last night I changed my course as a result of a talk with my friend with the 4 NDEs.I realized I was wallowing.

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  28. How to Heal

    Yeah, we need reminders at times.

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  29. Sociopaths don't give a fuck whether you call them ugly or beautiful, so what exactly would their looks affect them in life?

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    Replies
    1. You really are an idiot. Do you know how much easier it is to attract people, manipulate them, use and abuse them and get clean away with it if you are beautiful? Beautiful, sophisticated people are treated completely different to normal or ugly ones by pretty much everyone in society and the media. All that 'real beauty is on the inside' is equivalent to 'the size doesn't matter' argument. Of course it matters, these are merely platitudes to make someone feel better so you can manipulate them easier.

      Delete
    2. the alpha male dom sociopath wants the opposite someone caring, sweet, totally submissive but the problem is they get bored they need the chase, someone strong enough to stand up to them..I don't know that I am a sociopath I don't think so but I have a skill I can switch on and off very easily I can change and become indifferent cold play his game back at him...it works it's all role playing none of it is real..in truth the more indifferent i act the more I care and the more enthusiastic, nice, caring I am the less I really give a damn..can anyone relate?

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    3. are you really beautiful green eyes?

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    4. LOL!
      I've been told I am beautiful by many people. Honestly, though, I think it's the combination of looks and being able to see right through most people (and adjust myself accordingly) that made me able to do the things I've done and get away with them.

      Delete
  30. Totally unrelated...but Jezebel banned me today. Ha ha!

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  31. What is Jezebel?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Feminist version of Gawker. Full of the stupid kind of feminists that are offended by everything. I troll them a lot and not even on purpose.

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    2. LOL sounds like fun

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  32. Love from someone who rarely gives it is so much more precious than the love of the open hearted. The women described in this article sound co-dependent. They would be attracted to any bad boy they came across, not just sociopaths. They are looking for someone to make choices for them. A dominating partner who presents the qualities you lack & desire would be enticing. I'm not sure I agree with the "volume control" theory. I think its the mystery provided that gives codependent women a new obsession. Amping up the experience, all while flattering themselves with their prize, desperately looking for self worth through the value of their partner.

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    Replies
    1. I look for partners who present the qualities I lack... and then I steal them.

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    2. ^Adding on: I understand how codependent women operate. And its no prettier than how the rest of the world does. Just because many of them are victims does not mean they glow with a saintly virtue. People of all types are just trying to get needs met, its how we go about it that separates us. The world is a dark and ugly place no matter what mask you are wearing.

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    3. So do I Medusa.

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    4. Wow, Grey you are very philosophical.

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    5. I do it too .

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  33. Is it a PD if you always act the opposite of what you feel..constantly disguise yourself to be someone else? When i really care about a man I act completely cold and indifferent even after we are intimate..I act like I don't give a f*** and they like that....why? I make sure to seduce and act as if I don't really care at the same time. That's not really me at all I am a shy, nice person, I am not wild, but I act like I am...maybe I put on a show because the people I like are not shy and definitely not nice people but I can't help being attracted to my opposite. when i don't care I flirt and put on an act of liking them alot because I know they like me more and there's no downside I know I don't like nice guys..so it's kind of like practice. Does this sound odd?

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    Replies
    1. Odd, no. Unusual, maybe. It sounds like you found a systematic way to get attention/power. You like to get in the role that attracts you because it feels exciting. Its not something that you want to be permanently, but it gets you what you want. When you don't care, you can be truly confident. This spikes mens interest in you. You stand out against the sea of naive, insecure women. This plays with the submissive nature of men, if you were unaware. Which is hidden in most of them.
      I have a hard time dealing with nice guys. Part of me wants to protect them, while the other side wants to crush them. And with "bad" boys I have an equal I cannot trust. I found I have been unconsciously targeting narcissists. I love to hate them. Its SO much more satisfying to beat them at their own game. Whats could be better than mirroring a narcissist? :D

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    2. Yes i think that is totally spot on it's a systematic tried and true method that works. Women - here's some advice you want a guy to fall for you don't fall for him, always keep a distance, date a lot of men so you don't get too attached, work on yourself physically, intellectually, mentally for instance:(go to the gym, hit the bikram yoga, starve a bit, get a higher degree, read Aristotle, Ayn Rand, and learn from sociopaths they are the most clever people in not feeling. You can do what they do it's easy..and then you gain control

      Narcissists are almost too easy:) I'm sure you will agree..if you're pretty and you play hard to get like they can never win you they are obsessed. they try hard but freak out if rejected.

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    3. Ha! Perhaps thats why I like them? :) Your man-trapping techniques are entertaining me. Much of what you say is true. But if I had to pick I'd rather starve than read Ayn Rand.. Haha!
      Still good advice.
      However, I will now be guarding myself from all the women in my Hot Yoga class. lol

      Delete
    4. too funny..I agree:) i would never admit to anything like this except for here. I always pretend always play I can never be real with any man... Nobody wants the real thing though they want a fantasy the ideal. You take your cues and do it. the perfect girlfriend, the perfect submissive, the perfect trophy, the perfect good girl, the perfect tease, the perfect student, etc.:) it's always fun though...they always go crazy..they can't figure it out, and torturing them is a high.
      I think you like the Narcissists because they fall into your lap.lol

      Ayn Rand can be a pain but certain things are interesting, Bikram yoga is my favorite form of self torture;) I do it everyday.

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    5. "I think you like the Narcissists because they fall in your lap"
      *giggles mischievously* :D

      I think what I love the most is conning the con artist.

      Watching those heavy egos come tumbling down in confused horror it the reason why I don't own a television. Why pay for entertainment you get for free??

      Delete
    6. I got right into Iyengar yoga when I was hanging out with a lot of neo-hippies. Initially I mocked and took the piss out of them for doing it, but after they told me it gets you high I tagged along one time and was hooked. I really should start doing it again. It made me so calm and serene.

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    7. @Elicious, Lyengar Yoga sounds interesting.. You might like Bikram Yoga too?
      The first time I did it I felt rendered harmless. It was beautiful.

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    8. It's so satisfying when someone deserves it:) the best. They literally cannot believe you don't want them...they run away out of embarrassment it's great. They are so used to the predictable easy of normal women they are shocked that some are "different" and not in a good way ;) lol

      Elicious - yes yoga will get you naturally high teh more intense the better the more it hurts the more amazing you will feel after.

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    9. Grey, Ive never heard of Bikram yoga, but will check it out.

      @Anon
      Yes, I would push myself right into the pain and float off in a cloud of bliss.

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    10. It's pretty advanced yoga done in a room that is kept at 100 degrees Fahrenheit.

      Delete
    11. I did a trial run for a month with a co-worker. I felt amazing from the first go, and stayed with it for the whole trial. She kept puking during, and after the sessions for like, a week... and gave up.

      The teacher said she was toxic, and that's why she kept getting so ill. She said to keep coming no matter what, and that would all clear up... but she was wimp.

      Delete
    12. That is completely true! I wasn't interested in the slightest and the attention was merely a thrill. He felt rejected and tried all the more to get me to want him... and eventually I acted like I did because I was almost leading him on at a certain point and then it "felt" like I did... then I wanted to love him because he loved me (love as in obsession/neediness) and I just got addicted to the idea of him (he mirrored what he PRECIEVED to be my dream guy) and I eventually got quite addicted to being with him and then couldn't trust him which increased the want to be around him. "Protecting 'what's mine'" sort of thing. The only reason I stayed eventually was because, well, I didn't have close friends to confide in so I brushed everything shady off …and then I, over time, discovered that he was a malignant narcissistic borderlineee(?) sociopath… so… I set the stage to, mhm, abandon me. At times I miss him, but he was delusional the entire time I knew him! –Of course it was subtle…. He does bad things and still considers himself to be a good person deep down etc. etc. etc. Uh, red flag.

      Delete
    13. Wowww... computer glitch(?) That posted in the wrong spot.

      Delete
    14. @ Raven
      One of the guys in our group (I'm sure he was a beeper), actually started crying when the instructor tried to help him with a pose he found difficult. He struggled with everything (including life - topped himself a year later), and she kept telling him he stored his psychic wounds in his body and yoga would fix him. Or some such hoodoo.

      Delete
    15. haha! How do people end up so damn sad?!

      Delete
    16. In his case someone kept raping him when he was little.

      Delete
    17. I never did the Bikram yoga but I do Kundalini Yoga, every day. I worked the dog pant breath up to 15 minutes without stopping. The thing with it, though, was at the beginning I used to get high from 5 minutes of dog pant breath.Now, I need almost 20.

      Delete
  34. UKan M. U. LateMay 9, 2012 at 4:52 PM


    I look for partners who present the qualities I lack... and then I steal them.


    That's the best way to date

    ReplyDelete

  35. How can you stomach marriage? I must be more schizoid than socio because I find the idea revolting? It's not that I would hate feeling tied down, because I wouldn't (if I wanted someone else, I'd have them. I have no qualms about cheating), I would just hate to have to keep up the charade indefinitely. It would get so tedious, so quickly. And sharing living quarters? Not having my own space? Fucking kill me now.


    Like everything else in life you craft your own relationships. None of the above is neccessary in a relationship at all. Not even living together. I was just reading a magazine on the plane and it was talking about Tim Burton's marriage with that wierd girl actress. They lived next door to each other instead of sharing a house. Eventually they built a bridge to each other's house and are now in the process of combining them. That's what life is about. Living the way you want to.

    On another note if you are a sociopath living a charade isn't tiresome, it's who you are. You are nothing but a charade.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is also exactly what Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera did. Diego was likely a sociopath. I wouldn't be surprised if the Burtons were inspired by them.

      Delete
    2. I've always wanted to go see her house. It's very high on my list of places to visit that I haven't been yet.

      Delete
    3. That was Liz Taylor and Richard Burton!

      Delete
  36. my take..

    the emotionally needy don't really want the empathy, just the attention.

    empathy from another reveals that the other person could be vulnerable too and might demand some back. someone "invulnerable" like a sociopath would be irresistible to the emotionally needy. they would never have to be the strong one or deal with the other person's (unappealing) vulnerabilities.

    room for one only in the world of the needy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i see empathy as a light that is always on, sometimes dim, sometimes obscured by clouds, for most...

      empathy and vulnerability are not quite the same things.. many people have "vulnerability issues"....

      sure, maybe some "emotionally needy person" or even not so emotionally need person would find a sociopath enormously attractive... but like in reality... how does that usually play out?

      the sociopath does what they want, tells lies or worse, and the other person is all kinds of screwed up

      the needy should be so lucky as to have room for one only in a world with sociopaths (no offense to anyone intended)

      Delete
    2. i see empathy as a light that is always on, sometimes dim, sometimes obscured by clouds, for most...

      nicely put

      empathy and vulnerability are not quite the same things.. many people have "vulnerability issues"....

      what i meant was..i think you expose yourself to some extent when you feel and show empathy. that might make you seem vulnerable. in general showing emotion or caring is seen as a sign of weakness.

      Delete
  37. This is true. I guess when I think of marriage, I can't help but think of the sickeningly intimate neurotypical marriage.

    But, still, even marriage on my own terms... I don't see the point. I've never understood the point of marriage. Even if you're NT and you love the other person, why do you need some silly government institution to make it official?

    I guess if I'm being honest, I would still feel tied down, though only because there'd be physical record tying me to the other person. I like always having the option to just get up and walk away and never look back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bet UKan likely felt the same way? Maybe? Before he met the missus.

      Perhaps it's just a matter of finding the right person, rather than the idea of marriage sucking in and of itself.

      Delete
  38. I bet UKan likely felt the same way? Maybe? Before he met the missus.

    Perhaps it's just a matter of finding the right person, rather than the idea of marriage sucking in and of itself.

    Indeed. I used to say the same thing about records and papers and all that. In the end it's a foundation to build your dynasty. Who better to build it with than your partner in crime.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, makes sense. I hadn't thought about it that way.

      Delete
  39. I still don't like this posting format. It was better when it was one long flow.

    So what if ME were a female? Why is that mentioned so much.

    ReplyDelete
  40. green eyesMay 9, 2012 3:35 PM
    You really are an idiot. Do you know how much easier it is to attract people, manipulate them, use and abuse them and get clean away with it if you are beautiful? Beautiful, sophisticated people are treated completely different to normal or ugly ones by pretty much everyone in society and the media. All that 'real beauty is on the inside' is equivalent to 'the size doesn't matter' argument. Of course it matters, these are merely platitudes to make someone feel better so you can manipulate them easier.


    speak for urself. ive been called handsome so many times i cant even remember and my ex sociopathic gf was plain looking and she got away with anything she did while i got to pay the price of every bad thing i did. looks sure as hell dont matter as much when youre a male and it sure as hell doesnt get ya outta trouble. dont know about the chicks' world though

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's all what you do with it... and that is the point of it all

      Delete
    2. My dear, handsome but clueless anon. As long as a beautiful, sophisticated woman wiggles her big boobs and tight ass and flirts a little, she will get away with practically anything. It doesn't generally work as well for boys, though. You don't look nearly as good in a silk dress and killer heels ;)
      Although I have seen handsome men get away with a lot as long as they are charming. You might need a bit of work there, then.

      Delete
    3. Yeah, I have totally used being blonde and cute to get away with a lot. People, in general, are far less likely to attribute malicious intent to an attractive, well-dressed woman.

      Delete
    4. Sounds like you proving a saying like looks are not everything or that what's inside is important... surely people that you have "gotten way with a lot" perhaps would be more open to this view?

      Delete
    5. @ aspie
      Yes, I think so too, now you mention it.

      Delete
  41. I recently read that TNP was having some health issues. Just wanted to say/post that I hope he is recovering and doing well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aspie it's nice to have someone here who isn't afraid to show affection. Even if it's cerebral it counts. Even if the whole heart and mind isn't working for some reason or another it counts. Thank you for continuing to remind me. I also hope TNP is well.

      Delete
  42. " They may also want to be around sociopaths because sociopaths are relatively "silent" emotionally." I was going to stop reading and say this, seeing that the article wasn't going to mention it, but i'm glad i stopped to read your comment on it. I have asperger's and feel (felt?) emotional energy very strongly . My partner is a sociopath , and one thing that makes it feel like heaven (most of the time ) after years of saying the wrong thing and offending the entire universe every 5 minutes , is the fact that he cannot be offended , i can't hurt his feelings , i can't cross his values , basically there is never any negative energy coming from him. There are negative WORDS but they are empty and easily turned into nothingness (by shrugging or laughing at him lol.) I do wonder if the chameleon quality of the female aspie hasn't helped a bit, too. Firstly i'm immune to him, secondly i've studied him so much that I can guess what he's planning and decide if i agree with the plan or not. Right now he's on a "let's take over your mother's house right now, and keep it when she dies". Sounds good, might be a good idea. We never have to discuss those things, if I don't get in the way of it, he knows i've agreed (or imagines he's fooled me hehe who knows ), if the plan fails, it's because i wasn't hot for it. So tell me, is sociopathy contagious to aspies? I'm starting to believe it is.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Psychopath craves attention and want to be viewed as special so creates a blog to tell everyone such but it is still the same old self indulgent whining and look at me, FUCKING LOOK AT ME I'M DIFFERENT! as you get from someone that wants to be accepted as anorexic and acceptable.
    Fucking moron.
    When are you going to grow up you idiot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you going to post this comment on every blog about every subject that exists on the internet ?

      Delete
  44. You are comparing anorexia and psychopathy? Lmfao

    ReplyDelete

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