Friday, April 26, 2013
Diagnose me: socio or victim?
Recently, with my lifestyle this past year living with complete fuck ups, alcoholics, drama driven bastards, I've come to notice that I easily start putting myself above them. I'm very intelligent. Graduated cum laude, have awesome friends and an absolute spontaneous lucrative lifestyle. Although, with the roommate situation (considering these 2 are the only ones I tend to attack) idk if I'm picking up sociopathic traits or I'm just coming out of my shell and saying fuck it I'm just being honest! I've done my research on sociopathic traits and I fit a LOT of them but I am also honest to myself in every way and feel completely justified in my actions and control. I've even had outside opinions and a consensus on how I've expressed my opinion towards these people as a strong validated one! But the further I look into it. I see that other characteristics of a sociopath fit me. I HAVE moved around a lot. I had a problem keeping close friends due to me putting myself above them at every chance I could because most of the time they were liars or posers putting off this front when I've worked so hard to get where I am! So I began looking at them as the weaker species if u may. Then finding weaknesses and attacking them for it because I was so pissed about their denial of who they are! I WAS financially irresponsible big time. I wasted probably 35 grand last year on bikes, a car, stupid clothes, drinks, passes, tickets, dining out, picking up tabs and just literally giving money away and also helping my girlfriend. I do have a hard time feeling true hurting emotion but then I jump back to my justifications of having been in jail before, I know that NO feeling in the world can be as bad as that so nothing on the outside world really hurts me much because its better than jail, I'm alive and free and everything has always been okay in my life and I know where I'm going and it's better than most people I've encountered and I feel superior to them not only because of my suspected sociopathy but because I've been through so much shit in my life and came out on top being smarter, with an amazing girlfriend and a lucrative career now. Another trait of sociopathy is talking in circles lol which I do a lot only because my mind moves so fast I just can't stop. It's like the avg human can speak 600 wpm, can listen to up to 1500 wpm and THINK at like 3000 wpm due to shortening of words, grouping and imaging. ME? I'm above that in every way and it's a fucking curse.
Anyway, I was considering to go see a doctor and idk if I would be DIAGNOSED with sociopathy or what lol. I have a lot of the TRAITS but my reasonings are justified! Am I a sociopath or a person who doesn't put up with shit and likes to feel better than others who were worse off than me but can't admit that they're just fuck ups and DO something about it.!? Ill be the first to admit my wrong doings, I do not lie and in fact I'm one of the most honest people my friends have ever known and my friends come to me all the time about advice, suggestions and guidance. I've never lied TO ANYONE about my life and where I'm going, what i think etc etc but if I'm in a rough spot I WILL lie to myself to pull myself through it and I have this saying to myself, well 2 actually. "Fake it 'til you make it!" And "Let Go, Let God"
I'm only writing u due to a question I typed into bing "what's the best comeback if someone calls you a sociopath" .. I was never considered a sociopath until the other night when my roommate, who I've just been being BRUTALLY honest with because I'm tired of his shit, said that a bartender thinks I could be a sociopath. So I looked it up and was thinking .. You know what's cool about being a sociopath? WE KNOW WE ARE AND QUITE FRANKLY DONT GIVE A FUCK!
Guess I've just been through a lot in my life from a pretty hectic arrest record for being caught doing things that any normal person has done like fighting but hurting the other guys so much they called the cops, or a DUI which I did jail for to get it dropped, and the rest of the stuff is traffic violations. Been to jail, but stuck it out and battled back to graduate even tho it took my 6 years and an extra $80,000, and have even been attacked by personal demons and seen both spectrums of the spiritual world if u believe in all that shit like I do now only because I've felt and seen some things in my life. (Talking in circles again) anyway.
I'm assuming you're a sociopath? Fuk idk. Can I get an opinion based on my rambling here? Or am I about to be victim of a sociopath? Lol I haven't a clue..
Labels: diagnose me