Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Q&As (part 1)

I did these Q&As for book promotion and thought I'd share them here as well:


Were you always aware that you were different? 

Yes, though when I was young, I thought maybe it was just because I was smarter than everyone else. I saw things that other children did not see, was aware of the adult world in a way that even my smart siblings were not—awkward interactions from the end of an affair, why my grandpa treated my Dad differently from his other children (he was adopted), and so on. I knew other people did not see these things because I would reference them and get blank stares in return. I learned to keep things to myself, even to pretend I didn’t see them. Those were probably some of my first attempts to wear a mask of normalcy.

What are the common characteristics/behaviors shared by most sociopaths? Do they describe you, too?

Lack of remorse or concern for hurting or stealing; being deceitful, manipulative, impulsive, irritable, aggressive, and consistently irresponsible; failure to conform to social norms; and being unconcerned about people’s safety, including their own. You need to have at least three of these to be sociopath. I have them all, to varying degrees.

Why did you write CONFESSIONS OF A SOCIOPATH under a pen name?

I understood that being completely anonymous would hurt the authenticity of the book, yet I have no desire to be famous for being a sociopath. I also have relatives and friends who asked me to respect their privacy. But I still wanted people to know that I am a real person, and these things really did happen.

The book’s publication will likely out you as a sociopath. Why were you willing to take that risk?

I’m a risk-seeker and writing the book is probably one of the riskiest things I have done. I’m also a novelty seeker. I say “yes” to more things than I say no to. Writing the book gave me something interesting and exciting to divert my energies in a productive manner, rather than indulging any urges to stir up trouble in destructive ways.


56 comments:

  1. Writing the book gave me something interesting and exciting to divert my energies in a productive manner, rather than indulging any urges to stir up trouble in destructive ways.

    This is very inspirational, M. E.



    Thank you.

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    Replies
    1. good game you are just to lazy to premote your book me
      right?
      you can trust me i'm a ...

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    2. all your interviews via email

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    3. Wow. We the sheeple are so fortunate to have sociopath's among us. Why we need sociopaths. The positive spin constantly promoting & defending sociopaths completely blows up in your face when you describe the characteristics of a sociopath. Keep it real! Which is completely impossible for socios. Liar Liar Liars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Piece of shit liars. We ARE sick of you vampires!!!!!!

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    4. We? Look out folks, there's a pissed off royal about!
      Settle down and get off your soapbox, Buffy. You're starting to sound rabid.

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  2. "shame is a fundamental human emotion that we all NEED to experience in order to becoming individuals who give a shit about others"

    Being shamed taught me how to shame others better

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    1. And it makes you feel that much better about yourself, doesn't it?

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    2. Anon 3:52
      "Being shamed taught me how to shame others better."

      You're probably one of many that makes people's skin crawl, like a regular here. I wonder why there is such a difference among sociopaths, as people do not feel this way about M.E. It's as if you want to take a shower after speaking to them. How sad for THEM.

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  3. Were you always aware that you were different?

    Yes, though when I was young, I thought maybe it was just because I was smarter than everyone else. I saw things that other children did not see, was aware of the adult world in a way that even my smart siblings were not—awkward interactions from the end of an affair, why my grandpa treated my Dad differently from his other children (he was adopted), and so on. I knew other people did not see these things because I would reference them and get blank stares in return. I learned to keep things to myself, even to pretend I didn’t see them. Those were probably some of my first attempts to wear a mask of normalcy.

    I had this too. What would that mean if you were not a sociopath? This was why I came here wondering if I was a sociopath.

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    1. Might just mean you are smarter than those around you. I'm in a similar position. I may or may not be a sociopath, but I certainly grew up around a lot of human dross, and now that I'm an adult most other people are still dross.

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  4. Dear Gloom
    I was thinking about your question yesterday. I am going to be completely honest, which is rare in this day and age but I value it highly, so try to give it. Your thinking is very circular. It does not have a lot of clarity even in the question you asked. I suspect it is because your emotions are blocked. This usually happens from abuse as a young child and having to become numb. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It was not your fault but you have to get access to your feelings for your thinking to clear up. To me, you will go round and round with a shrink because most of them either will not be honest or don't know how because they are not truly honest with themselves. You cannot give away what you don't have, even if you want to.

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    1. Monica that sounds right. It makes sense. . Do you know what is funny about that? I can tell what others feel and I can tell when they are suppressing theirs.

      One of my teachers in real life once told me that when she could tell i was truthfully in touch with my feelings she had the feeling i was "afraid i would not come back." I didn't understand fully. Now i do.

      Lately i have been swelling up with tears because i am healing and everything makes me sad/happy/happy to b feeling in touch with my sadness i should have felt as a little girl.

      My pdoc said she thought i was depressed because everything made me cry and i explained her no. She let me off the numbing antidepressants. THere is a fine line because i do have depression, so sometimes i am not clear what is going on.

      Thank you for thinking about that and telling me because it kind of rings true, especially when i think of times as a little girl. i would prepare myself for a feeling and say to myself that i would be able not to feel in the moment if x y or z would/could/might happen. First i imagined it and desensitized. I did this at a very young age. -Thats fucked up, huh.

      I want to get past the past and deal with the present more. I think i can do that. Thank for making me see it is possible, Monica.


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  5. what's that name for someone who's smarter
    genius or narc i Always forget

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  6. Awww Gloom
    Stick around. Crying is wonderful. Never let anyone take away your tears. They are God's anti-depressant. Force yourself to be real on here. You will get honesty, even if it is nasty. All truth heals. If you can make it sticking around here, you will learn to face yourself. I am here for you and I have an e mail address on my account too and you can write me.
    I am so glad you are here Gloom and I am so glad you shared <3

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    1. Gloom
      I was thinking about something. Can you get angry at people w/out feeling guilty?

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    2. I do not know really.

      I have a hard time with the word "guilt" because i dont believe in it.

      What i have is fear and some shame about the way i will express my anger. I let it fester because of these things. I used to think i should not feel anger because it is useless. i felt expressing anger is not going to make a difference. i feel like the person will leave me if i am too volatile/demanding. I am very held.

      I was called an emasculating bitch by one of my pussy exes. That was cute ~






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    3. But really, when i am angry it is quite scary. That is the truth. I do not feel in control and i am afraid i will put a person off me when that is the absolute last thing i want.

      That is guilt??

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    4. no that is fear, not guilt.

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    5. Oh I just read something i wrote the other day.. yes i felt bad (guilty) when my therapist was trying so hard with me and i was angry at him for the longest time but was not expressing. He asked me if i was angry at him and i said no. THAT felt more like guilt and anger together.

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    6. Yes Gloom
      Yesterday, it popped into my head that what separated me from a person with good self esteem is that I am afraid to be angry. I think it makes me " not nice/not refined/ wild/ out of control and these were cardinal sins in my family punished by humiliation.

      I managed to see this dynamic as an outgrowth of my mother gaslighting me. SHE was dissing me really badly. I got angry. Then, she came back with the comment that SHE will not take my anger because she does not need to be harangued. Meanwhile, she abused me and a normal response to your boundaries being violated is anger. She made me the bad one when I had rightful anger is the point

      This percolated in my brain and I realized that many abused women don't get angry. They turn it against themselves and get self destructive. I did, anyway.

      So, then I realized, "Eff on this. I am angry" Then, I figured I would ask you. I think getting back our anger is a huge step to becoming emotionally healthy.

      I have a great series on boundaries. I saw this guy in person and it was life changing as I never forgot it and then I found him on U Tube. He is a Christian, but you can ignore those parts if that is not your thing. It is great and really worthwhile to see imo

      Sorry if I am rambling. I am trying to rush and get off the computer.

      xxx

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    7. Here is the series on Boundaries.


      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUkc3q27oqg

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    8. THank you Monica. I am listening but later.

      i truly believe that i could have stabbed my mother a million times. I cannot describe to you the amount of anger. I was told i had a bad temper, I was silly, my feeling was ignored, or I was told the "there once was a girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead story" which, at the end says "she was evil" She is lucky i didn't have a teenage sociopathic boyfriend who also thought she should be dead.


      Today i tell people in advance that my temper is bad. I tell i am slow to anger (true)but then they should be warned that if i do not express stuff, or if they diss me too much i might lose it. If i feel myself start talking/thinking through my teeth I stop and freeze. I have to ask myself if i am right to feel angry and what will happen if i say something to this type of person, how i should say it, what language this particular person will hear. . .

      Even when i know i should be angry i compose and do logic and kill with power moves instead of just saying straight up hey i am angry about this. I think i am afraid and ashamed to say stuff, but anger is also scary. i have a verrry hard time expressing in a normal, adult way.

      Now i will tell "i have a problem with anger" before i start talking. And do you know what, Monica? They will be patient if they like me, and they will take me seriously, and they will stop doing what they are doing. This is new.

      With my antisocial/narc ex, I was not against yelling back and hurting and being very mean. He had no anger mgmt skills lol. So when he made me angry in the end, i made him more angry till he collapsed. It was good.


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    9. It is hard to choke out the reason i am angry and hard to say "I am angry" without crying sometimes. But i have to force myself even if i am crying.

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    10. Gloom
      I wrote a new entry today. I feel like I am losing my mind. Can you relate?

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    11. I just read that and will read again. At first read i did not relate. I hope you aren't about to do anything stupid like try to off yourself. I know how fragile you are.

      Jesus loves you, Monica !

      Plop yourself in front of the TV, Drink some Queen of England Tea and have a dollop of that chicken pot pie on your earthenware. I mean that veggie stuff. I will study your comment and reply later. OK ?

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    12. Ok Enough of this. I think that was the Fake Gloom and there have been 3-4 Fake Monicas. I will talk with my account

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    13. Yeah, Fake Gloom, beat it. And whoever has been mimicking my Monica had better stop it or I will hurt you slowly.

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    14. Monica when you say you are losing your mind, is that really the way you feel? Because you seem lucid. Are you dramatizing?

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  7. Classic Themes for Classic( *cough*) Regulars

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  8. Thanks on your marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading it, you are a
    great author.I will always bookmark your blog and will often come back later in life.
    I want to encourage one to continue your great work, have a nice day!



    My blog post: トリーバーチ

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  9. Is the only reason a sociopath doesn't kill someone who pisses them off because they think they won't get away with it and will go to jail? Do socios have a hard time controlling the impulse to kill?

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    1. yes, that's why a lot of sociopaths killed at least once in their lives

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    2. Well, murder leaves a lot of evidence. It's simply not worth it to kill someone. Making their life a living hell, however, is a decent consolation prize.

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  10. Me, like so many, also had a dating encounter with a sociopath. As I told him I didn't want to have contact with him any more, he asked me several times, what it was he did wrong. I wondered, what was the purpose of this: to keep me in contact. to get satisfaction from hearing how angry and hurt I was. to learn how to be more successful next time.
    I'm glad after one to two weeks of beeing charmed and falling for him I finally listened to my warning bells and to trust these senses. As I was able to abstract from my emotions I was amused how obvious he was, purposefully or not he gave me a lot of hints he was not beeing honest and just fooling me about who he was and how he was feeling towards me. I wonder whether he gave this hints out of pity or to amuse himself about me interacting with him in spite of him being rude and obvious. Or I wasn't worth the effort to do better acting. Or maybe he is just a not very intelligent sociopath. Maybe he didn't got that I was able to detect his lies easily and was also using him for myself to re-inact my former relationship to overcome it.
    At this time I decompensated from a traumatic relationship and was dissociated a lot. That's why I was easy prey and got things started with him at all. I registrated him being not normal and lying but couldn't get angry or afraid about it. He was too charming and warming my heart with the reminiscence of love so I clung on him. As I woke up, I was so glad that I didn't give him much personal information, the still alert part of myself held me from this. He cannot do me any harm now. He messages me or calls me from time to time, and though I'm afraid and careful how to deal with him, I'm sort of happy hearing from him. Because I still like him? Because I am fascinated to know somebody like him? Because I feel powerful to keep myself from being tricked? I feel tempted to get to know him better, to find out whether he is a real sociopath or if he is hiding his personality deep down within himself. But I won't. It's clear to me that I cannot trust him at all. And I made the experience that I cannot trust my own feelings, too, that the danger being tricked by my one emotions is what I should be most afraid of. So I keep myself away from him and stick to people with whom I can share feelings and trust.

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    1. Did he give the hints with sarcasm, or did he give the hints plainly?? Was it an amusing story? These things are laced with hints.


      On our first date, my ex told me of his other exes doing things like throwing glazed chickens out windows. Um ---that is a really good hint. They will tell you the truth about how shit is bound to go down. That is them vetting you.

      Listen to the words, They will always want you to know beforehand what you have agreed to. This is how they see it and this is how i see it. I am not a sociopath, but i do hints similar to what i describe above.

      I will tell people straight up I have thrown a chicken out the window and If they still want to see me, that is so on them.

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    2. he gave the hints plainly. like reducing me to my body, humilating me, talking about the kind of relationship he had with his ex, punching me right in the face like it was accidently while dressing into his jacket and not apologizing, showing me everywhere we went where the policestation is as if he had regular visits there.
      Due to my state of mind it took me two weeks to brake the contact and several more weeks to get rid of the need to appeal to him. i still may depend on something he seems to provide though.

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    3. oh. yeah, i had the reducing me to my image and a little of the humiliation too. That will creep. Because women take a lot of care to look nice, they know we will look in the mirror and doubt ourselves. They know what works because they see magazines sociopathically reduce women every day. These guys can cause you anorexia the same way. THey want you weak. (You can do that back to a narc guy no problem, fyi. Just tell them you want more satisfying sex and say you aren't sure what it is with them, but you never had this problem with the others. That is a sure way to get a narc to leave you alone.) I'm not saying you should participate and get engage in the games.

      My ex was showing me reports on his deviant behaviour to vet me. You think how can they be so stupid as to show their criminality but they do want exactly that. THey want you to bond with them and they tell you secrets early on so you might protect and accept them further down the road. It creeps.

      You were lucky to see and get away. My guy i wanted back too. I totally drove him bananas. But he wasn't full on sociopath.


      i still may depend on something he seems to provide though.

      what is that? And do you think he 's the type of guy to give you your needs once you don't appeal to HIM anymore?

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    4. And I made the experience that I cannot trust my own feelings, too,

      THis is what happened with me too. They put worms in your emotional makeup like computer viruses.

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  11. yeah, they try to put their worms in you everywhere. it creeps.
    what is it i depend on? Maybe i got the feeling he was kind of a soulmate to me because he was mirroring me. But he is definitely not the guy who will meet any healthy needs of mine.

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  12. or maybe my fascination for him is also an urge to play with the fire, a will to gain controll over the uncontrollable

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    1. That is how a lot people react to things mercurial. I am bipolar and i know.

      If you like to tame a beast, you will have problems. They have to want to be tamed. And they even fool you into thinking they are being tamed by you.

      Everyone has "unhealthy" needs. The sociopath is very good about finding what you like, unhealthy or not.

      About the mirroring, i understand. It is just a mirror, that's all. It is so nice to think you have a soulmate.

      I have no idea whether or not a sociopath can have a soulmate.

      Hey Mymind, did you ever feel you had a soulmate?






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  13. Anon 4:50

    Maybe you had an abusive/cold/unresponsive/ rejecting parent who you want to make "love" you through the vehicle of this guy. If so, join the group~

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    1. Monica is a wolf in sheep's clothing, 450. She will love on you, hump your leg...

      She will slip you the tongue.

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    2. Yes, I'm all about the sex ~

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  14. Fake Monica. I have to use my account. When the sheep is away, the wolf will play especially on this site ~

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    1. Don't you play a part in others using your name for posting? If you used your avatar faithfully - you wouldn't have these issues. Oh, but you know this.

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    2. I know, but i'm in a real effed up mood today. I can't think straight all the effing time. GET OFF MY BACK, YOU C-word !

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  15. I'd love Monica to slip me the tongue, it's what my mommy did to me, too. Will you let me join the group?

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    1. CEO SociopathworldApril 19, 2013 at 10:53 PM

      What's one more freak?

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  16. I've finally found someone who is similar to me in childhood. Knowing too much, seeing too much, knowing how everything works and having the frustration of dealing with idiots and never fittin in cause they think you are weird. I'm diagnosed with BPD but after reading several of your articles I think I'm more sociopathic than BPD. although my black and white thinking are on a whole new level

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