I get on well with my friends, for the most part. Depending on who they are and what they mean to me, they get to see various versions of me, and my natural ability to adapt and flexible personality means that I can tailor make myself to the type of friend that they need most -- exciting and adventurous, sensitive and supportive, talkative, good listener, whatever. So it is kind of a trade off. I do think it sort of disturbs them that I do it, those that notice at least, but the thing that is most disturbing to people seems to be the amount of effort I put into it. they think that i must be up to something no good because I am shape-shifting so well for them. But I tell them it's no problem, I have to pick something to be anyway, it might as well be something they like.
I'm not unhappy, for the most part, although I do think there is a certain emptiness and meaningless that I feel, sort of like a homesickness. People feel homesick when they are not surrounded by familiar things, when they are being seen out of context, when things change too quickly. They are faced with the transitory and delicate nature of life (i.e. their mortality), and with the fact that their secure little existence is basically a lie constructed to soothe their uneasiness about facing the world head on, with all of its unknowns. People don't like looking into the abyss, and for good reason. But a sociopath life means always being aware of the abyss. The film Lost in Translation is a good example of how it feels -- like living in a country that is not yours and never quite getting used to it.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Love and happiness
A reader asks: "I have a few burning questions I would love to ask; such as how you get on with your friends? Are you unhappy like I've read most sociopaths are?"