Saturday, April 20, 2013

Q&As (part 4)

(last one)

You believe that ambiguous sexuality is one of the best identifying traits of a sociopath, relying on it more than any other one trait to form your own opinion about who is and isn’t a sociopath. Why?

For whatever reason there are sociopath “wannabes” out there. They tell their stories to highlight how cold they are. I frequently use ambiguous sexuality as a litmus test with these types to determine whether or not they are legitimate. If they freak out at the mere suggestion, as so many “normal” men do, I usually conclude they’re poseurs. A sociopath would not find their ego threatened by the suggestion that they are gay; in fact, that might be one of the least offensive things a true sociopath would ever be accused of in his life! They don’t have a strong identity of being straight, and don’t share the common moral assumption that homosexuality is sin.

What do you believe is the most important message of your book?

Sociopaths should not have to justify their very existence amongst other equally flawed examples of humanity, but if they did, there are some legitimate reasons to think they’re not as bad as they are made out to be. Also, child sociopaths perhaps best illustrate the fact that people don’t ask to be sociopaths. Sociopaths are not going away, so it is in society’s best interest to find a way to live with and benefit from them.

Are sociopaths capable of having healthy relationships with non-sociopaths?

Yes. I have relationships with non-sociopaths. It’s not for everyone, and particularly not for the faint hearted. A relationship with a sociopath seems to work best if you are either not sensitive or are extremely sensitive, enough to empathize enough with even a self-centered sociopath. As a friend put it, “it’s like owning an exotic pet.”

People often ask you if you think certain celebrities are sociopaths. Why do you consider it unlikely that they are?

Celebrities are much more likely to be narcissistic rather than sociopathic. Sociopaths don’t like to be center stage. They’re much more likely to be the producer than the actor, the vice-president or chief of staff than the President. Sociopaths prefer to operate undetected, pulling the strings from behind the curtain. Center stage would bring too much scrutiny, which is dangerous when you’re trying to hide so much.

55 comments:

  1. sinds when do empaths recognize sociopaths
    Sociopaths should not have to justify their very existence
    lol you feel you do and there for are anno even if you write a book
    and it's they are bad 2 does not justify your actions (ask anny kid)
    you defendly look like a schizoid to me ME

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    1. so if you are not gey you can't be sociopath?
      ME you are a hoot

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    2. you forgot you need a iq of 160 or up

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    3. and blue eyes and blond hair
      (that's why you used that photo)

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    4. You believe that ambiguous sexuality is one of the best identifying traits of a sociopath, relying on it more than any other one trait to form your own opinion about who is and isn’t a sociopath.

      perhaps you should tell hare to put that in the pcl-r
      they did all the research in jail and there are only guys in there so...

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    5. No, you don't need to be gay, sociopath can be perfectly straight but they won't freak out when you ask them if they are, they'll juste answer you they're not.

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    6. I must agree with you. I had a good friend whom I now belive is an actual psychopath. He surrounded me with himself constantly. I mean, he was clingy, jealous if I talked to anyone or had other frinds. He lived on the edge! Having no set sexuallity "Richard" was just sexual and proud of it. He would come in and out of my life. Just as loyal a friend he was gone in a flash! Oh and this man loved to take from companies he worked for...I will never forget the time I asked "Richard" to get me a role of toilet paper from work lol....this fool opens his trunk and has at least 12 roles in his trunk. No shame! He has none! He woukd take stacks of restaraunt napkins (the really nice cloth ones) , silverware ....Once in the break room before shift began "Richard" pulls out a quarter of weed asking the nurses if they wanted to make a purchase...lol Never and I mean NEVER a dull moment with Richard! He would also brag about seducing workmen/techs etc who came to fix appliances etc.......I mean, I wouldn't even call him a "socialized" psychopath.....because he seems to have no control what so ever. I cant exactly consider him a sociopath because he is SO CRONICALLY out of control in every way. I watched as he was brushing his dog one day. I guess the dog wasnt holding still so Richard grabbed her by her tale amd threw her down. The poor dog was freaked out amd so was I......Maybe thats why he takes Paxil religiously? ?? So ironically that evening his cat Gus is dead.....Richard claims he came home to find blood on the walls, carpet ect. Sair that his dog killed Gus. That dog didnt have a mean bone in her body. I just knew he did it. He killed Gus. In hinds site I knew Richard was different long before. He almost got me fired from a really good job as well. These people just cat be trusted. Nothing is sacred to these crazies...and at the same time Richard was always looking for acceptance. ....He never liked being left out..I can recall hanging out w/other co workers. Richard called me one night and I wasnt around for his disposal...as a result, I came home to a bloody sofa...My white fawn boxer had been cut on her ankle. A very clean cut....No proof he was involved........

      These types are over the top possesive with friendships
      Jealousy
      Overy giving (almost to the point u feel u owe them) ot its too much...
      Want to impress u constantly
      When talking to them they will deviate from eye contact (as if they are not really listening) to what u are saying
      These types are very sensitive if u offend them (if they offend u then they dont care)
      Do not be fooled these types will twist the knife as it is impaled in your back
      You may find yourself trying to understand them........As you are a caring person trying to pick up the pieces of a "friendship" that really only existed in you (the caring sole)

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    7. that is one bullshit cliche story if i ever heard one.

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  2. "Celebrities are much more likely to be narcissistic rather than sociopathic. Sociopaths don’t like to be center stage."

    Says M.E. with the blog, book and likely movie and tv series on the way. I guess though this is all just major string pulling?

    Ambiguous sexuality.. yes, obvious defensiveness is one hallmark of the fakers, however, ME has focused a lot of posts on defending sociopathy, countering the kill all sociopaths fantasy.. i suppose that is one way to generate pity and sucker leads.... I was reading however the other day that Buddhism oddly sort of endorses S elimination. It causes no negative karmic consequences. I guess if the buddhists have it in for you, there are things to worry about.

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  3. me's makeing a lot assumptions
    this tells me here book is fiction

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  4. 'Sociopaths' are just as fake as the so-called 'Wannabe Sociopaths'... both poseurs. So I guess the question is: who is most capable of deluding themselves?

    Clowns.

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    1. Wannabe try to convince themself they are sociopath, they are fake to themself. Sociopaths are fake to other people because they try to look like empaths, but they know they aren't.

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    2. Why do you make it so obvious when you're trying to hide your identity anon 5:55?

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    3. i think it can be hard to see what you are when you can read and manipulate people (because you can read them) and when you also detach and feel separateness. I think an empath will see the world from the outside looking in, too.

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  5. dissociation, emotional dumbness, narcism, schizoid, sociopath seem to me to be the same phenomen on a continuum differing only in degree. makes no sense to make strict distinctions. it's about not feeling bonded with oneself or other persons. the less i can feel any bonds the more i am able to harm or to neglect myself and other people. it's very common.

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  7. What about Jeffrey Dahmer - he was ashamed of being gay.

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    Replies
    1. He was an actor, also

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  8. While its true that most sociopaths have a flexible sexual identity, I myself am Bi. I also have a friend that's a diagnosed sociopath and his cousin is a psychopath, they make gay jokes and shit but will insist that they are not gay if the topic comes up.

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  9. I want to tell you something that happened to me because it is about empathy. I decided that I needed to give my dog away. I was not doing right by her.

    On the day I decided, she had done her usual bolting out the door and to top it off my phone was not working so a neighbor could not call me and tell me they had her. There was nothing new in her bolting. I just knew that I was ready to give her up.

    When I said it to myself, I knew God would provide someone for her. Three hours later, someone who knew her and spent time with her called me and wanted her. That is not the story I wanted to tell.

    I was crying as I gave her away. This lady was crying too because she felt the pain. That is empathy.

    I think about my mother who was cold and mean anytime I cried. She was sadistic, often. She would say something bullying and nasty. My mother is a stone next to this lovely woman with her overflowing empathy.

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    1. Oh, Monica, I'm sorry about your dog. I know it was hard but I think it's important for you not to have something else to feel badly about right now and It'll be better for the dog. You did the right thing. QM

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  10. Monica, that is very, very sad story. I can relate too much to it.

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  11. Also with the sociopath's need for stimulation in general sex s probably just sex. as long as it feels good who cares what organ is doing to job? I would think most non-neurotypical people would be "pansexual". With it being so difficult to connect with others on a mental level, I'd presume that as long as someone can keep their attention the physical attributes are only the icing.

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  12. "A sociopath would not find their ego threatened by the suggestion that they are gay; in fact, that might be one of the least offensive things a true sociopath would ever be accused of in his life!"

    Frankly this just isn't true in all cases. How do you think someone like John Gotti would have reacted if somebody had come up to him and asked if he took it up the ass? You spend alot of time trying to dispell stereotypes that other people have come up with about sociopaths. Seems to me like you've created a few of your own.

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    1. Ah, Thrope, you might be right that there are exceptions to m.e.'s generalization, but I don't think she said anything about S's taking it up the ass. What makes you assume S's wouldn't be the aggressors with men or women? QM

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  13. Monica that story was so boring it made me want to cry.

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    1. That's ok, Thrope *bats eyes*

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  14. I would imagine that most non NTs are not pan or bisexual. Many at best, and probably less than that.

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    1. Hi aspie, thank you for answering my questions. So as not to clog the comments here, is there a good place to ask what I'd like to know? QM

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    2. Hi QM. You're welcome. You can ask here I guess. I can't promise I'll answer everything though.

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    3. Hey, thank you : )

      Okay, is difficulty digesting information presented verbally ever associated with autism spectrum? What about having difficulty getting started with a task / transitioning to different tasks and also not needing breaks? (Penelope Trunk wrote about that, but I'm not sure that's a thing.)

      And regarding repeating songs, it's like playing a video game I love for hours and not being able to stop - not like I'm afraid if I don't listen to it 7 * 7 times something will go wrong. I think it's a dopamine trigger?

      I'm not looking for a diagnosis. I just wondered if these fit a pattern. Thanks again! QM

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    4. Hi QM. No Problem. I'm sorry but I don't think I can answer the autism related questions you asked. I think however you can easily look this stuff up online, as far as any studies that may be available etc. With myself, I am generally not good verbally, but on some days, I am very good this way. Repeating songs.. I think A's are known for obessesive repetive behaviours. I think def. this involves dopamine high/addiction. I think some may experience emotions and feelings in this fashion. The repeat for the release and the feelings.

      QM... you are female? Why do you want to come across as male?

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    5. Yeah, I think it does have to do with experiencing emotions and release.

      Yes, I'm a woman. I posted in the forum as quartermistress and then decided I didn't like the username, but also didn't want to hide that it's me so I shortened it. I wasn't trying to imply that I am male. (?)

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    6. And thank you again for the reply! Oh, also, is there a good aspie forum around? Or a place you'd rec. to find out specific strategies? QM

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    7. I recall you saying that you wanted to come across as a male in some form online. You mentioned it one time in the context of talking about ME and ME possibly being female and how "she" pulled it off. Anyway, just was wondering. I don't mean this as an attack.

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    8. No problem. When you say stategies how do you mean?

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    9. No, I wanted to set up a male FB and twitter and call myself Ryan or something. I was wondering if I could pull it off, as an experiment. m.e. proved it's possible, though. And I wasn't offended, just confused. I enjoy talking with you. You actually contribute to the conversation around here. QM

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    10. Strategies for dealing with the auditory sensitivity, but that might not be possible. Or for dealing with getting on task and then transitioning, instead of doing one thing for 6 hours. I get a lot done, but life doesn't work like that. QM

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    11. Thanks for the kind words QM.

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    12. Auditory sensitivity...you get used to it, it fades, lol. It's not all bad. You just incorporate it. You can go to macro focus and get busy with that. You experiment and see what works best. Everyone is different too.

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    13. Sure : )

      I can try going to macro focus. It's only really bad in a hospital or lab. Actually, I don't think I could work in most office buildings, either. The florescent bulbs drive me up a wall.

      I guess transitioning isn't an issue for you? PT didn't list any good solutions for that one. QM

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    14. I have a terrible time with high frequencies. I had to learn to block them out and not give them attention. I can hear computer hard drives and their whine from far away. I learned to not hear them. People would test me with musical notes and get all excited and tell me I have perfect pitch when there is really no such thing and when it is not consistent. I can remain coherent with some effort but I often give myself permission to transition and go naturally. I find if I let myself jump around naturally I do quite well as applied. I do try though to proceed in a normal fashion when dealing with people.

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    15. So QM, have you been diagnosed with AS or do you think you fit in this spectrum?

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    16. (Sorry, got hungry and distracted) Yes, hard drives, fans, light bulbs, my iphone vibrating on a mattress three rooms away. It's very irritating. I never keep my ringer on anymore. I've never learned not to hear them and I might be getting worse because of my strategy of avoidance, like without exposure I'm getting more sensitive. But I have nothing like perfect pitch.

      Do you mean you let yourself do the tasks that's you're drawn to as it suits you? If I were better at transitions I could keep to a schedule, which would be great, but I'm not sure that's the only reason that I can't.

      I was told off the cuff by a therapist that I was aspie years ago, but it wasn't an official diagnosis. I didn't think she was right, but I understood why she said it. My affect was flat, as I was under stress, but I can usually emote normally. I also prefer logic to emotions. And some things PT talks about are very like me, but so are some things m.e. talks about. So, I'm probably not neurotypical, but whatever. I only care insofar as it will help me do what I want and avoid potential problems. QM

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  15. A sociopath may not personally find homosexuality morally wrong, but if everyone around them, whom they want to impress has given homosexuality a stigma than being perceived as gay could still "cramp their style" so to speak. I think anyone can potentially become attracted to anyone. Especially if they are someone who can mold into another's ideal. It's also attracted when the way someone else looks or acts build your own ego.

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    1. i agree with that. especially with younger sociopaths that are raised to believe in a homophobic god watching them 24/7.

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  16. M.E. should do a blog post that asks us how all of her/his readers found the SW blog. Why we visit and how it has impacted us. Why do we post here, what do we get from it, etc.

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  18. So would the sociopath not be offended if their friendship was like owning a pet? I treat many people as such and they are, understandably, offended. Would a sociopath not act as such?

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  19. So would the sociopath not be offended if their friendship was like owning a pet? I treat many people as such and they are, understandably, offended. Would a sociopath not act as such?

    ReplyDelete

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