Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Striking a balance (part 2)


Experience has led me to the conclusion that I have a complete disregard for relationship boundaries. Although boundaries in general are a serious challenge for me, committed, romantic relationship boundaries are laughable to a fault. Intellectually, I know this is not a good thing...it sounds and feels a bit evil. But it's truly how I feel. I consider sexuality fluid. I don't know if it's from a place of jealousy or downright disrespect that, when I'm attracted to someone, it sends my sociopathy into hyperdrive. I mean, I become obsessed with possessing that person -- by hook or crook. Because I know what I like and I know I can get it...if only there wasn't this arbitrary commitment getting in my way.

This isn't so much an issue when a person is single. Hell, if the person is single and no other boundary (i.e. professional or sexuality) exists, I don't really know how I would react because I never seem to be in that position. But it becomes a heckuva destracting and destructive dilemma when it does rear its ugly head. I'm just wondering if this is common (especially in light of your post on socio sexuality) and if you have any guidance on how to counter this and other distractions due to boredom and/or tedium with the daily grind. Because, no matter how stimulating my affairs can be, I am always looking for the next thing at which to try my hand or dip my toe. I read your post on managing impulse control through distractions and redirection, but my understanding of coping in such a manner would lead to the issue of staying on task that I have to find myself having to constantly battle.

So, I could use a little help. How do I achieve balance between my need to control my sociopathic tendencies and my desire for healthy human interaction? How do I define healthy human interaction (and attraction and romance) for myself instead of simply recognizing what I lack in others and going after that, only to be left alone and unfulfilled? And how do I not allow fear of the mundane and discomfort with and mistrust of the conventional to keep me from performing and living in the present?


I identify with your problem a lot but I wonder at whether it is a problem in need of a solution. I understand exactly what you mean about wanting certain people and not really being able to stop myself from going after them. For me it has sometimes happened in compromising situations where I could possibly be sued or fired for going after that particular person. For whatever reason, the way I approach these conquests has not led to many social fallouts (it seems like that is your primary concern?). I don't think there is any way of getting around these compulsions and obsessions, at least not when they're this strong. And I don't know if I would want to get rid of them. They're often the times I feel most alive and engaged with my life. It sounds like you have trained yourself to live on porridge, honestly gotten, but still crave steak from time to time. Or perhaps more accurately, you want to believe that you choose to eat the porridge and not the steak, that no one is (or can) deny you the steak, and if you want it you shall have it. This may just be your practical reality, the same way that picking up men in airport bathrooms is the practical reality for an evangelical christian minister.


  1. I once asked a man," Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home? " He said "because it is different."

    I guess that is the crux of my problem with this man. When I have a favorite dish, I can eat it for a loooong time without getting sick of it.

    Maybe it is a socio/empath problem.

    Or just a level of maturity. Some people need it for their self-esteem. Others do not. I am impulsive , but loyal.

    1. ha.

      You know what he needs????? An open relaationship
      But no, they want to own own own and also keep a lady in jail whilst tasting shrimp and lobster and tenderloins dripping with juices, those selfish and boring predictable pricks.

      I would tell him WHy don't you go out and make a living so you can buy us a hooker to share, you unimaginative fuck.

      I went out with a guy like that and he always would insist i would go home to him after the party. SO I WOULLDNT GO HOME WiTH SOMEONE ELSE! DOuble standard piece of dodo.

    2. no no no. know what? I want my own hooker ! AND I'm paying for him/her out of our joint bank acct ! Or i will steal the money from your pants pocket with the condoms you put in there the last time you were hoping to get a little pussy . . . and FAILED .

    3. Please, for the love of god, lay off the speed!!!

      Let me guess, you're the one that was ranting and raving a few days ago about men being assholes and cocksuckers, then saying that you don't hate men, don't hate anyone, aren't bitter..?

      I'm thinking that the reason men treat you like that is because you are histrionic, bitter and unstable. Aka unbearable. You seriously need help.

    4. what I don't understand is the double standard that is seemingly not even recognized, or acknowledged, even intellectually. I mean, a lot of these guys are smart enough, but they just seem to not get that it is not fair to expect total all consuming in every way fidelity, while they are sleeping around. so a question to any of the socios: do you understand the principle intellectually and just not care, pretend not notice as part of the manipulation, or what? i don't get it.

    5. Thank you, anonymous.

      No i'm not particularly histrionic, 449. I've had times of it, though. And i have pent up anger.

      How many times i hear men say their girl is bipolar/crazy , what have you, when they aren't is a joke.

      i love the labels for women. Histrionic this, nympho that, crazy psycho bitch on speed. Why not call ALL of us angry and bipolar. Which I am. :)

      And do you know how many women call their men crazy socio/narcissist when they are not? Give me a fucking break.

      i am allowed to vent pent up feelings and i dont show this side to others.

      i am sick and tired of men complaining we want feminism and yet behave like sluts. Guess what? We're allowed. And i love it. I love how the world is turning.

      i am quite bearable. And feminine. And i do not dominate. I am the opposite. I pick/ed mostly shitheads; i own it and i take responsibility. I am more angry at myself and the world and i have a right to my rage. And i will direct it anywhere i want. If you are in this room and take offense .....sorry.

      No, many men, including sociopathic types/ narc types/ normals i have chosen, even when i have been manic and loud, have thought i was understanding, forgiving, easy going. UNFORTUNATELY i practically gave them the royal status. Because treating a man like a king ran in my family and it still runs in our culture.

      Yeah, i'm globalizing. Care to judge me? Go right ahead . I will judge the shit out of you and you won't like it either.

      I don't need drugs; i'm high on me today, chock full of narcissism and it's about time. i can scale it back whenever i feel like it, too. Can you?

      Why don't you hurl a few more labels my way. You're a genius. But you knew that.

    6. She will strap one on and you will take it deep.

    7. Anon 1240/Banana/Maria/What-the-fuck-ever,

      Allow me to reiterate: you seriously need help.

      You're not on drugs? Shame. They might help.
      You have pent up rage? Pretty obvious that, seek help.

      Your claim of not being histrionic is one of the funniest things I've read here. I have seen you floundering around on this site for weeks, screaming at the top of your lungs for attention. Infecting almost every thread of the forum with your obsession with Gia/Dante/pnova.

      From hurling insults one moment, to practically begging to suck his cock the next. To say nothing of the seemingly endless "goodbyes" and promises of not engaging him again whilst openly baiting him.

      Once everyone got tired of your antics with Gia, you actually resorted to putting up cleavage shots for attention. This is just sad. What ever will you do when that hype dies down?

      Yes, I am aware that you are a middle aged, bored, bipolar woman who desperately craves being desirable.
      You take responsibility for dating men who are quite obviously bad for you? Well done. Now how about officially learning your lesson and moving on with your life? You clearly haven't if you feel the need to rant so much about them being cocksuckers and assholes.

      I don't throw around labels carelessly. I would never call all women (or men for that matter) unstable histrionics on speed because a very vast majority are not. Just those that act like it. And men who use and abuse you are not necessarily sociopaths or narcissists.

      You don't need to have a PD to take advantage of a someone who treats you "like a king" in a bid for attention and affection. Your weakness and desperation makes it too easy for them to do so.

      They will say anything you want to hear, such as that you are easy going, kind, beautiful, etc to get what they can out of you before you start acting bitter and angry towards them for it. Then it becomes too much work.

      And in my experience, when men keep telling you how understanding and forgiving you are, it means they knew they deserved to get their asses kicked, but you let them get clean away with it. Bottled up some more of that rage. Why wouldn't they keep doing it? What you allow you will keep getting.

    8. 12:42
      How vulgar !

    9. 1-

      never been on the`forum


      no shit


      Blame QM

    10. QM..... you got some 'splaining to do!

      So you're not Maria/banana then? My bad, you sound exactly like her. Not a good thing by the way. Most of the stuff, excluding the bat shit crazy, annoying Gia obsession, still applies however.

    11. 145

      i hear you. I'll check out those folks you mentioned in the forum. I'm sure the postings are entertaining.

      I know the dynamic. I have been on the receiving end of compulsion similar to mine. it 's annoying. I'm glad you pointed your perspective.

      Begging to suck his cock? lol.
      Yeah, there is a difference between begging and doing it. aside: There is always someone wanting a little sucking and always someone who knows exactly how far a good hard cocksucking will go.

    12. PS

      You aren't a clairvoyant or a psychic. Fact is you don't know me like i know myself. You never will.

      I Know how to get what i want, I like what i get for the most part, and my life is interesting, and full.

      Your're so off when you say I'm lonely for social contact. I lonely for better social contact. I WHat i crave is contact and conversation from people with similar minds, people who don't sugar coat shit and people who search for meaning in a fucked up world.

      People tell me of my good qualities when they aren't dumping me, sister.

      BECAUSE I'm impulsive due to deing bipolar, my ride, and my love life have been interesting, and lived out. I am alive and as vibrant a person can be . YOu don't have to be happy happy happy all the time to be living a full life.

      No matter how empty i feel, or how much love i need, I get it from people. i demand it from them at times. It's good. IF I chose wrong, at least I learned where stove is and i grow. I am never stagnant water. I mutate, and i adapt. THat is one of my strengths. Avenues open up for me. I may not always take them, but that is fear and i have some.

      I don't regret meeting men who have treated me badly. because they all had qualities i drawn to, and they teach me things about myself and i teach them. Even the jerks have thanked me, and in the middle of things too. BEcause i will i dish out the truth to them. IF they can't handle it that's on them. Sure i cling, sure it's hard to let go. It's part of who i am. FoR the most part people are very good to me.

      MY choices in men have been my choices. They've been fun and interseeting. I actually liked my antisocial nutcase. He amused me till he couldn't handle it when i made him feel like he wasn't effectively hurting me. I had fun with him. He'd tell you he was afraid of me. Little ole me. Imagine.

      And one of the things he told me was "just because you play tenis does not make you a tennis pro"

      Stick that in your pipe, anonymous 145.

    13. That makes a hell of a lot more sense (and makes you sound a lot less certifiable) than your foaming at the mouth ramblings about men.

      God help me, I'm actually starting to like you :)

    14. WOW. THat statement makes you seem a tad less certifiable too.

    15. Don't be fooled, I'm pretty damned crazy... just in a different way.

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  6. M.E's Book is on the cover of Psychology Today. Way to go M.E. We knew you when!

  7. My question is, who says sociopaths have to be assholes? Why can't they use their power and traits for good? Regular people and sex addicts deal with issues of boundaries. I view sexuality and relationships as fluid, however; I am not a sociopath and I have the will and fortitude to be faithful. I've been married almost 11 years and while I see attractive people, I have never desired someone so much that I had to consume them. I can't imagine living my life feeling dissatisfied after every conquest, not knowing how it feels to be at peace and content with ones self. Feeling if something is always missing but just within your grasp. I'm curious, I know sociopaths don't lack feeling, I actually believe you can feel on some level (though it is repressed) but because you are often intelligent enough to understand and conform to social norms...how many have actually tried intensive therapy or tried to connect with their feelings/emotions? Do you ever think that you aren't accessing a certain part of your brain or that the electrical impulses in the brain or so low in this area, you aren't performing at your brain's peak performance?
    -Respectfully, Leyla

  8. You know what I like?

    I like it when dumb ass women with borderline personality disorder try to mimic someone, because they have no lives of their own.

    They copy, and pretend, and try to educate themselves, and always come up short.


    from Dungaree


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