Still, I think that quite a few female sociopaths might get misdiagnosed BPD when sociopathy would fit better. I think that may be due to a gender bias of both the criterion and the people doing the diagnosing. I also think that because there is really not a diagnosis of "sociopath" right now, your only other option is ASPD and a lot of female sociopaths don't seem to rise to the level of aggression and acting out that ASPD requires, so they get shuttled into a BPD diagnosis.
If your wife is actually a sociopath and not BPD, I do think there are ways that she can love you. She is probably already attached to you, and as you become more of a fixture in her life she will become even more attached. If it helps you to avoid power struggles, you can just tell yourself that when she provokes you, she is doing so expecting to get a rise out of you. The sociopath in you should know that it would actually be a better tactic to avoid confrontation and wait around until a better moment to strike, on your terms not hers.