Saturday, December 3, 2011

Beauty

I have always sought out beauty. I grew up in a superficial culture in a superficial family, absorbing its standards of visible aesthetic appeal as a matter of heritage. As I learned more about the world, I began to understand that there is a beauty beyond those things skin deep. I learned to appreciate the beauty of the way things worked--the complexity of life. I was a voracious reader, initially deriving pleasure from the general narrative or the descriptions of new places or adventures. At one point in my late teens, however, I learned to appreciate that books also portrayed the inner worlds of people whose minds, though not often like mine, were like people I knew or would meet. When I learned that, people became very beautiful to me as well, not just their bodies or their wit.

I was so captivated by beauty during this time period. I still am, but back then it I was very overt about it. At one point I had three explicit goals in life: to notice everything, to appreciate the beauty in everything, and to be the perfect friend (this was, of course, before I was self-aware). All three reflected my burgeoning fascination with all things living and beautiful--my constantly awakening senses and awareness to the world around me. It was as if I had lived in two dimensions all my life ("me" and "not me") and now I was suddenly aware of the infinite complexity of the world. I was giddy, drunk on each new discovery.

With beauty on my mind, it's no surprise I chose to study music at university. One thing that I loved about studying music is that every day I could relate to other musicians in (seemingly) every way--a frequency that I had never experienced before and never have since. One story sticks out in my mind. I was in a jazz related class and the professor was talking about voicing particular chords, i.e. which notes of the chord go where in the range of the instrument and in which order to each other. The professor started waxing on about a particular pianist who had the most beautiful, organic voicings--voicings that could take a typical chord progression and make it sound utterly novel due solely to effective voicing choices. The professor was going on about this pianist for several minutes and what made the voicings so special without using the name of the pianist. He could have been talking about any of a million people--Bill Evans, Oscar Peterson, Duke Ellington being the typical favorite examples of this particular professor, but for some reason I just knew that he was talking about Carole King. It was a weird intuition, we were in a jazz class (Carole King is a folk musician), the professor was quite old, and Carole King is not even really known for being a pianist, but I was right.

There were many instances like this where I felt completely in sync with fellow musicians. Every day I connected with my fellow musicians in ways that I often miss, now that music has taken a back seat to other pursuits. Studying music was a blissful respite from the real world, from having to pretend all the time. (Musicians are perverse anyway, as is music, which consists primarily of setting up expectations and then playing with people's expectations--very manipulative, very teleological).

I think this obsession with beauty heavily influenced the way my value system evolved. It's hard to imagine what I would be like if I hadn't gone through that obsessive phase. For better or for worse, I think that the pursuit of beauty and study of music shielded me from certain harsh truths about myself that I wouldn't have to confront until graduate school, when I finally realized to what extent I was different from my peers. I still use beauty and music as a daily escape from humanity.*

(Carole King has beautiful vocal phrasing, as well as the aforementioned idiosyncratic piano voicing.)

*Although humans are the origin of a lot that I find beautiful, they don't have a monopoly on it. Also truth and beauty have a certain transcendent quality to them that never really smacks of being something inherently human to me.

346 comments:

  1. Love Waltz For Debby and those gentle notes at the end of Blue In Green on Kind Of Blue. The Fox Stalker by Ray Bryant.

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  2. When I was young I could read minds like that as well. Now I don't have the same enthusiasm that makes all those details bring out intuitions. I had the same goals in my youth, too. I think I grew past them and haven't found the right new ones yet. I could also feel anything that people felt. It made me presumptuous, but I used to always be right. Now I have a certain level of disconnect from my world and people in it. But I guess its an interesting contrast.
    I have to learn how to build the same connections consciously. Something about it seems a sort of catch 22, though.

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  3. As far as the beauty thing, I'm the opposite. I love the complexities of things and have learned to appreciate the beauty.

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  4. I am glad you had music ME. It seemed like it save your life.

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  5. Playing music with a man can be more intimate and erotic than anything.

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  6. When I was young I could read minds like that as well. Now I don't have the same enthusiasm that makes all those details bring out intuitions. I had the same goals in my youth, too. I think I grew past them and haven't found the right new ones yet. I could also feel anything that people felt. It made me presumptuous, but I used to always be right. Now I have a certain level of disconnect from my world and people in it. But I guess its an interesting contrast.
    I have to learn how to build the same connections consciously. Something about it seems a sort of catch 22, though.


    Whaaaaaaa?

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  7. It made me presumptuous.

    LOL

    Where's Funny Bit?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Missus K,


    "When I was young I could read minds like that as well. Now I don't have the same enthusiasm that makes all those details bring out intuitions. I had the same goals in my youth, too. I think I grew past them and haven't found the right new ones yet. I could also feel anything that people felt. It made me presumptuous, but I used to always be right. Now I have a certain level of disconnect from my world and people in it. But I guess its an interesting contrast.
    I have to learn how to build the same connections consciously."

    Did something cause the disconnect? And how are you compensating for it, consciously?

    ReplyDelete
  9. COPY CAT TROLL 100
















































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    COPY CAT TROLL 100

    ReplyDelete
  10. INGLORIOUS BASTARD 99December 3, 2011 at 6:24 AM

    FUCK SW

















































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    FUCK SW

    ReplyDelete
  11. RAPE











































    KILL



























































    MURDER



















































    RAPE




































    KILL










































    MURDER

    ReplyDelete
  12. BLOOD

































































    CUM


































































    SHIT









































    BLOOD


































    CUM

































    SHIT

    ReplyDelete
  13. I wanted to get a degree in music therapy, but I was afraid I would be be able to find a job. For the right person, that would be a wonderful career. You could bring people alive, using music. Music transcends PD's, which was one of ME's points, I think.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Don't tell me we have another blizzard, today. Frank does not want to put on his rubbers.







    wv:gary

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  15. Don't tell me we have another blizzard, today. Frank does not want to put on his rubbers.





















































    Don't tell me we have another blizzard, today. Frank does not want to put on his rubbers.






























































    Don't tell me we have another blizzard, today. Frank does not want to put on his rubbers.







































    Don't tell me we have another blizzard, today. Frank does not want to put on his rubbers.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Don't tell me we have another blizzard, today. Frank does not want to put on his rubbers.








































    Don't tell me we have another blizzard, today. Frank does not want to put on his rubbers.


























































    Don't tell me we have another blizzard, today. Frank does not want to put on his rubbers.
























































    Don't tell me we have another blizzard, today. Frank does not want to put on his rubbers.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Calling the cops. Gary, I have been spammed









    wv: rubbers

    ReplyDelete
  18. I am on the case, Frank. Don't worry yourself. You have heart trouble.







    wv:birthcontrol

    ReplyDelete
  19. The spammer's a bitch to my peacemaker.













    wv: heart

    ReplyDelete
  20. I have no interest in music.

    ReplyDelete
  21. if it dnt make dollar it dont make sense

    ReplyDelete
  22. peacemaker.


    LOL Are you a medical professional or sumpin'

    ReplyDelete
  23. the epitome of alpha. we need more people like this.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edYeqzTJci4

    ReplyDelete
  24. Inglorious bastardDecember 3, 2011 at 7:20 AM

    No, I dissect people.

    ReplyDelete
  25. O REILLY IS THE MAN

    ReplyDelete
  26. Frank, Take off your rubbers. Anything good on TV?

    ReplyDelete
  27. aileen wuarnos was bpd. she got no power thrill from the murder.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I SMELL LIKE SHIT

    ReplyDelete
  29. I LOVE TATTOOS AND THE SMELL OF IRISH SWEAT

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  30. Just to add to the topic I have increased clarity since my girlfriend came in to my life. What would I spend for it? People with millions like Micheal Jackson or Princess Di have not been ABLE to buy it, although they could buy anything else.

    The ingredients to healing are simple. Someone to listen,someone to care and someone to accept you as you are.
    The sociopath is unique, in that he is not afraid of emotions. As such, he is uniquely beautiful.

    My girlfriend is that, to me.

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  31. Wuarnos made herself believe those men deserved to die. She viewed them as all the same piece of shit that disenfranchized and traunmatized her as a child. She was delusional. This is how she lived with herself.

    ReplyDelete
  32. MONICA LICK MY PUSSY

    ReplyDelete
  33. http://www.freewebs.com/thebtksite/btkbondage.htm

    ReplyDelete
  34. Before I go for the day, I know that fake Monicas are going to come out and say all sorts of things. I am serious in my approach to this, so if someone is NOT, it is not I.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Suck my tiny smelly Irish cock

    ReplyDelete
  36. I didn't wash my tiny Irish cock for two weeks, anyone fancy some cheese?

    ReplyDelete
  37. It's got a lovely crust ...

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  38. My name be Ukan, bitches! I been slapping dem drugs up my ass since 2006 mutha-fucka...

    What's that I hear? You wanna taste some of dem Irish Bailey's supreme? You want the U-man to knock, knock on your pink little frock? Well think again bitches! I be going for that chocolate supreme cock..Mmm choco homo cock..Gimme a big, balck cock anyday!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Mutha-fucka, I'll give you my big, black, leather strap on and it's STILL not enough for you?? Well, you just fucking made my day cracker. I'm tired of living in a false marriage, ho. It's all just a cover up for your erotic need for black dick, yo! Man, I be kicking your high ass out to the kurb where it belongs!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Anonymous U-Man said...

    My name be Ukan, bitches! I been slapping dem drugs up my ass since 2006 mutha-fucka...

    What's that I hear? You wanna taste some of dem Irish Bailey's supreme? You want the U-man to knock, knock on your pink little frock? Well think again bitches! I be going for that chocolate supreme cock..Mmm choco homo cock..Gimme a big, balck cock anyday!


    Fucking hilarious

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  41. I love the cheesy crust of my husband's little cock. It's lovely because it's my husband's crust. I love my husband. My family knows my husband got a cheesy crust, they are very liberal.

    I lick his cheesy cock crust while drinking Guinness beer ...

    ReplyDelete
  42. Music is not natural. Murder is natural to humans, we get violence.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Anonymous Missus Kanney said...

    I love the cheesy crust of my husband's little cock. It's lovely because it's my husband's crust. I love my husband. My family knows my husband got a cheesy crust, they are very liberal.

    I lick his cheesy cock crust while drinking Guinness beer ...


    lol

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  44. (we get violence)

    then let's give em some!

    ReplyDelete
  45. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G29d6RDSK1c

    ReplyDelete
  46. Anonymous Anonymous said...

    (we get violence)

    then let's give em some!

    Those that live by the sword get fucked by the sword, or something like that lol

    ReplyDelete
  47. FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEEEE

    ReplyDelete
  48. This place has bad Fung Shui

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  49. *sprinkling* pixie dust

    ReplyDelete
  50. Anonymous Hippie Anon said...

    This place has bad Fung Shui


    LOL a mirror at the doorway

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  51. I have a big cock up to Irish standards.

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  52. Yo, my wife just don't understand, man. I be trying to tell her that my taste just aint the same no mo. I be going real hard for that real smooth choco ding dong...Yummy!

    Shawty, take the time to know yo man. Things change, yo. Like when stashing the greens up my ass was good back then, it aint good now. It streched my ass hole to the size of a doh nut mutha-fucka!A doh nut! Now I can't even enjoy the simple pleasure of gettin' shafted up my big white ass...Need the scars to heal first, yo..So I stick with that nagging bitch (or is that butch?) till my ass heals nice and tight. Can't be dissapointing my men, now, can I?

    Mutha-fucka, let me tell yo shit a little story. I be lying about my ass being a sociopath. I aint. I want to appear rough and masculine for my boi's, you know what i'm sayin? Truth is, I don't wanna be judged as much as the next person, you dig? These bitches be calling me an asshole just because I can't be eating the pussy. Man, pussy aint fo me. Pussy aint even real fo me. I need some of that long, smooth shit! That's where the real shit comes from..Don't believe me? Fuck you! I got 10 years experience wit the black cock. Black cock be on me like a wet blanket, yo! I can't keep that shit away! Not that i'm trying...Lemme tell ya something, I gots the brains to keep me going with that ho fo a year now. But den, I be getting the fuck outta there! I can't be pretending i'm something i'm not, you know what i'm sayin?

    What i'm tryin' to say is, just keep it real and peace out.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Cock makes the world go round

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  54. @ U-Man I feel ya, I prefer cock myself. Im not a fan of the ladies neither

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  55. Hey Haven. Can you clip some of your hair off into a jar and post it to me?

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  56. I am the COCK DESTROYER

    ReplyDelete
  57. Themes For SW RegularsDecember 3, 2011 at 10:36 AM

    Ukan Theme Song Number 3


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZCwiNJ4wgo


    That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pin ball

    ReplyDelete
  58. I believe UKan is the second coming of Jesus Christ. Listening to his wise and gentle words about his cock made me come, twice.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Get back to your corner MK because I AM the HEAD COCK DESTROYER

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  60. Guys, do I have to put my rubbers on?








    wv:harv

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  61. I make cock run for the hills

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  62. Anonymous Medusa said...

    Get back to your corner MK because I AM the HEAD COCK DESTROYER



    YES Go Medusa

    ReplyDelete
  63. I take cock anyway I can get it

    ReplyDelete
  64. I gave David a taste of my cock

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  65. i love cut cock, oi!

    ReplyDelete
  66. LMAO

    I fucking love COCK

    ReplyDelete
  67. J,I think when I met my husband and we started changing our sleep patterns and changing my stress levels that it had an effect on my sanity. The prolonged changes coupled with LSD and x had a way of changing my perspective, and i think he disconnect resulted. Currently, I'm trying a few things to reconnect. Its challenging sometimes with an apathy I've developed.

    ReplyDelete
  68. BOW DOWN TO YOUR MASTER

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  69. Music helps! Its been my greatest ally.

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  70. Love me some X chew on my tongue chomp those pills chew em up gooooooooood

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  71. Never liked heroin all the laying around n barfing

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  72. lots of interesting comments today.

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  73. y dos socia prey on social anxiety people

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  74. Frank put on your rubber







    wv:harv

    ReplyDelete
  75. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 3, 2011 at 11:09 AM

    on topic of drugs-

    the pothead propaganda is biased of course but not more so than the official propaganda the truth is somewhere in the middle ya need to experiment and think with ur own brain thats why ya have it take the grain of salt

    it is true when the potheads say booze is a pretty heavy drug i wuld scale it up there with speed only difference is booze is legal

    i wuldnt go as far as to say pot is healthy but if the choice is smoke weed every day or drink a bottle of bourbon every day weed is the better alternative they say it makes passive but drink the bottle of whiskey every day and see how active ya will remain haha

    ya can smoke weed every day and function some people go a bit soft in the head after years of heavy use but the same will happen with every drug booze included

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  76. This is my opinion. Take it as that. The spammer has to be UKan. No one else has the motivation to mar the comment section except Ukan.

    It started, immediately, after UKan's personal information came out.

    This is my thought. If this had happened in real life, UKan would be dead, so it is a fortunate thing it did not lol


    Ukan can learn a lesson online without dying in order to learn it.

    That lesson is humility. If not genuine humility, enough street smarts to know that if you try to mess with people, you will make enemies who will try to mess with you, back.


    Missus did the same thing by being very,very obnoxious to people she did not know.

    That is my 2 cents. I will be respond, if Ukan or Missus wants to comment.

    ReplyDelete
  77. That's a pretty entry level arguement. If you really wanna protect your drug addiction you need to step it up.

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  78. ---J,I think when I met my husband and we started changing our sleep patterns and changing my stress levels that it had an effect on my sanity. The prolonged changes coupled with LSD and x had a way of changing my perspective, and i think he disconnect resulted. Currently, I'm trying a few things to reconnect. Its challenging sometimes with an apathy I've developed.---

    it's official, she's totally gaga ...

    ReplyDelete
  79. Missus

    You know how to party~

    Did your normally take the two together?

    ReplyDelete
  80. I thought you said you, guys, did not take drugs?

    ReplyDelete
  81. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 3, 2011 at 11:30 AM

    vm that was just my opinion i knew it wuld provoke both potheads and the drug haters thats why i posted it in the first place haha

    ReplyDelete
  82. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09FnNHo6Qfc

    ReplyDelete
  83. I love drugs but I don't do them anymore. I was a 13 year heroin addict. Revolving between low functioning (jail 15 times) and high functioning (made over 100k a year legally a few times, sales go figure). Just passing along some sage advice. You should just say you need it for arthritis or something. I'm only 37 (ha only)!

    ReplyDelete
  84. Ukan was never jailed for drugs traffic, he was jailed after beating his 3 year old daughter to death during his first marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Ukan was never jailed for drugs traffic, he was jailed after beating his 3 year old daughter to death during his first marriage.


    Are you serious. The article said he was an unemployed father of 4 in an addictions program.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Unfortenately this is the truth yes. I could reveal more but cannot do this without exposing myself to him. He is a very dangerous person. We got tipped that he posts on this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 3, 2011 at 11:55 AM

    and ya get only few months of jail for that?

    maybe i shuld move to ireland

    ReplyDelete
  88. Anonymous Truth revealed said...

    Unfortenately this is the truth yes. I could reveal more but cannot do this without exposing myself to him. He is a very dangerous person. We got tipped that he posts on this blog.

    No way? There would be news articles if it were true. Are there?

    ReplyDelete
  89. He spent more than 5 years in jail for the death of his daughter, 3 months for beating up his girlfriend and 6 months for extortion.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Well anon it seems like you have a taste for danger. Most people who are afraid aren't blogging about it. I really could give a shit about Ukan's jacket. Nothing personal of course U. We can keep it topical. I like to BS.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 3, 2011 at 12:15 PM

    vm i dont need the stuff i culd stop any time i liked just going thru the difficult period in life

    tomorrow i will start the new life haha

    ReplyDelete
  92. How to troll YouTube cutters.

    - Say that only emo's self harm.

    - Say how an eating disorder is a trend.

    - Become a trusting friend, then spitefully destroy them for your pleasure.

    ReplyDelete
  93. NOW I feel like you're just fucking with me by using such a clichéd phrase. Good job.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Guide For Psychopathic TrollsDecember 3, 2011 at 12:25 PM

    How to troll YouTube cutters.

    - Explain how animals have no rights and feel less pain than humans, if none at all, when tortured.

    - Accuse them of being overweight in every video (they'll believe you)

    ReplyDelete
  95. LMFAO gay, they didn't even die.

    ReplyDelete
  96. Eden, I'm worried about you (lie). Why would you come across a video like that?

    ReplyDelete
  97. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 3, 2011 at 12:33 PM

    i am the bullshitter haha but i cant help my self i was born that way

    ReplyDelete
  98. The mother load right thur! Make a fake account and toy with them.

    http://www.youtube.com/user/SelfHarmSupport

    ReplyDelete
  99. There is a blizzard on SW. Can someone help me find my rubbers?
    I think I left them in my bedroom.






    wv:harv

    ReplyDelete
  100. I don't have to lift a finger here anymore to get a stir. How boring. You muppets have been talking about me for 12 hours straight. You even skipped the topic.

    The heroin thing is untrue, but I have hidden knives up me arse in prison. Its the only way we can get weapons onto the yard, because they strip search you. Its also a good way to stick someone and give them an infection. Now chew on that one for another 12 anons.

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  101. I am religiously opposed to taking more than one drug at a time. I won't do it. It's an extreme user thing in my opinion. And we don't do drugs, we have taken drugs. there's a big difference.

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  102. UKan, how do you get cellphones into prison? I'm not prison savvy, but I may need the information if I ever land myself in there.

    ReplyDelete
  103. People visit you and toss them into the yard over the fence or through receiving from trustees. Crooked co's.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Never been to prison but heard plenty of stories.

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  105. Hey, UKan. Could you share a bunch of your prison tips?

    I'm a white collar guy and I'd have to get by from offering advice, or charming my way around. I'm pretty dense when it comes to prison life :) I'm sooo used to be pampered.

    ReplyDelete
  106. @anon

    why do you want his advice? chances are, if you haven't done time in the past, you won't do it in the future, either. you've stayed out of prison long enough.

    ReplyDelete
  107. You have to pay the guards for that. I never got one in, but I had a comrades who did. I got transferred once to this really corrupt prison after doing a term in the hole for having an improvised weapon. I had to do the remainder of my security housing term there. The hole was a torture chamber. When I emerged the yard was a playground though. I saw dvd players, cell phones, and this one guy yad a fucking camcorder. He was making a documentary. I walked by him when I first emerged from the hole and I was finding my new cell in general population. He was filming some bloke slamming heroin.

    ReplyDelete
  108. UKan, do narcissists strive in prison, or are they just hated kiss asses?

    ReplyDelete
  109. You put shivs up your butt?

    Do you have to wear diapers now?

    Then you popped on the the shiv and stabbed people so they'd get sepsis?

    Or were you like, "here's some chocolate cake yum, have a taste," and they were all like, "yum"

    ReplyDelete
  110. A narcissist would think "I'm around a bunch of thug criminals, I'm superior. Get me the hell out of here"

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  111. UKan, what differentiated you from the non psychopathic criminals? Did you believe you were more special than the other prisoners? Entitled to more?

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  112. No we hid it by the handle first off and you take wet toiltet paper and rap it around the sharp end and handle and dry it so its stiff. You leave the rest exposed. Then you take plastic wrap and wrap it around the toilet paper and put lotion on it and pack your lunchbox when they flick your lights for yard. Some prisons you can just cheek it, but they get better at searching the higher level of security they go.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 3, 2011 at 1:05 PM

    im religiously against taking only 1 drug at the time i take all i can get my hands on including beer and hard liquor more fun that way

    with the exception of alcohol and speed they negate each others effect but double the hangover thats why i dont like speed

    ReplyDelete
  114. Do you think you'd survive in prison, Medusa? You don't strike me as manipulative.

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  115. People wanted me dead for what I did to their people outside. I made alliances to keep myself safe. I wont go into it further than that because the story is not believable. I don't think I can make it a third time though.

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  116. So no I didn't think I was special. I thought I was on borrowed time. I didn't think I would make it out. I purposely put myself in worse situations because I got tired of being scared.

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  117. They would eat her for breakfast.

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  118. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 3, 2011 at 1:20 PM

    my cousin got in the prison for sexual abuse of his kids he just sat in the solitary confinement the whole time thats how he made it out alive

    ReplyDelete
  119. Do you think you'd survive in prison, Medusa?

    That's moot. I don't conduct my life in a way that involves the threat of prison.

    If I did, I'd probably have a reason to be more manipulative.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Yah sex offenders get it all around, so they give them their own yard where I come from. The lawyers have fought for them not being in solitary. They have it pretty good. They get to hang out with the ex police, movie stars, and snitches on a yard with minimal violence. However, I've seen the guards slip sex offenders and snitches on the general pop yard a few times and the inmates let them have it.

    ReplyDelete
  121. Did you beat up child fiddlers and rapists in prison?

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  122. I never had any big problems with women in different facilities I have been in, although womens lock up is far less violent.

    My nickname in one facility I was in was Peaches and Creme LOL. For the most part, as long as you don't act stuck up and keep out of the drama, there are minimal problems.

    ReplyDelete
  123. "as long as you don't act stuck up"

    I'll be killed on entry!

    ReplyDelete
  124. I got someone who was under protective custody on the way to get commisary. They were moving several to another block and thought I wouldn't attack if there was several people together. I got two shots in and they hosed me with pepper spray. I didn't really want to go through the trouble, but its mandatory that we have to jump on any prisoner that is a keep away if you are affiliated and you never know whos watching to make sure you put in your work. I had to do another 30 days in the hole. For it and lost good credits I didn't have anyway, since I was already into the negatives.

    ReplyDelete
  125. Ukan did you see how it felt to be on the receiving end of your personal info on here? Did you learn anything?

    ReplyDelete
  126. I don't know sweetcheeks. Maybe where you are. A screw on the tower in the segregation yard I used to talk to was transferred from a womens facility. I was telling him he must hate the fact that he came back to the mens facility. He said that he was thankful to be back. He said womens prison was way worse. I pressed him for detail and he wouldn't go into them. Maybe he meant hygiene. I don't know, but I couldn't imagine any male prison guard wanting to go back to a mens prison.

    ReplyDelete
  127. Ha ha, no. I'm going to keep taunting you with tidbits of truth while I fuck people over. This is a game to me and I don't lke playibg unless we play for keeps. You need to stop getting mad about it because in all fairness if you win I go to jail, and if I win you just get a little embarrased. Maybe one day you will put it all together but till then I'm going to keep playing.

    ReplyDelete
  128. Screw the poor prisoners. The prison guards should be given the PCL-R. They get off on domination.

    ReplyDelete
  129. @Ukan this may be a retarded question, but you were upset. That was obvious. Do you translate that to that other people were upset when YOU did it to them?

    ReplyDelete
  130. UKan

    I never went to prison, just jail.

    Maybe the guard was grossed out by all the manly, toothless women~

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  131. This post is so intriguing to me. As a self proclaimed artist, I deeply connect to aesthetically beautiful and powerful forms of art.

    This post was probably the first one that I identified with very strongly...and yet the disclaimer at the bottom stating that it is difficult for M.E. to connect the beauty to human totally stumped me.

    There have been so many studies done on music and emotions that I wonder what a connection to music would be like should I be more shallow emotionally. What does music sound like to a sociopath? Are there pieces that move you to tears? To spontaneous joyful dance?

    Is it less intense without the emotional link? More intriguing to me is the possibility that it might be more intense.

    I would love to crawl into your head and know.

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  132. "There have been so many studies done on music and emotions that I wonder what a connection to music would be like should I be more shallow emotionally"

    You'd like your bands in business suits.

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  133. What? You lost me at "This may be a retarded question".

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  134. No he was disturbed when saying it. It was something else. Maybe they threw tampons at him everyday.

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  135. "What does music sound like to a sociopath? Are there pieces that move you to tears? To spontaneous joyful dance?"

    i'm a psychopath (diagnosed) and i only like a song, if i enjoy the beat.

    i don't care about the message of the song or the lyrics. most of the time, i don't even notice the lyrics. but i'm not a huge fan of music, like most people.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 3, 2011 at 2:10 PM

    haha sweet cheeks that must be it

    the problem with anon called truth is that being the cronic bullshitter my self i dont usually trust that people are telling the truth even if that is their name in the anonymous blog

    if i had a big beef with ukan or anybody guess what i wuld do ya guessed it right i wuld throw around a lot of crap to see what sticks ive done it many times its very effective people even invent details to the stories them selves the stories get thicker i wuld ever invent my self

    not saying ukan didnt do this just that i wuld need more than ur word of the gentleman to be convinced

    ya need to take the risk of being exposed provide the hard evidence

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  137. "in all fairness if you win I go to jail"

    Like Hell you are. I think you're getting off a little bit too much on pretending to be Waldo.

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  138. I hate this place. It's like nothing i say has any value, and i'm branded nothing but an idiot and simpleton. Whereas someone like Medusa gets sychophants telling her how awesomely smart she is. You know what, I don't need that shit. (And I don't understand it). I've never seen as many sycophantic types in one place in my life. It's nauseating.
    I know when I'm not needed. Hmph. *Fucks off left stage*.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Ha ha sounds like her. Maybe she should change her name if she doesn't want to be ignored.

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  140. Ukan, this is my question. You were on the receiving end of people posting your personal info on SW as you did to Luke, Zhaq and Erin.

    Now, that you were on the receiving end and went through the pain of that, and I know it was pain, so don't try to say it wasn't. Do you feel bad for what you did to them? Would you do it, again, tomorrow, if you could?

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  141. Anon @ 2:10

    See, your response does not necessarily surprise me. This is partly why M.E.'s post did. I wouldn't think a sociopath has any deep appreciate for the arts.

    ReplyDelete
  142. i was embarrassed yesterday at a bar, by a friend. i went home and tortured my dog to death with a sock.

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  143. @Bizy

    Sociopaths are very shallow. They choose partners by their looks and status, show off wealth and brag constantly. You just look dumb trying to romanticize them.

    Buy American psycho and read it. It's a perfect look into a psychopaths mindset. And it's not over the top. If you take away the killing spree, it's pretty spot on.

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  144. I am just posing this, Bizy, for your consideration. I wanted to say it, before, but could not put it in to words.

    I am a musician, too. When you play with another person, you go in to a space that is unlike any level of communication, on earth. The closest would be sex, but music seems more intimate.

    I think this other dimension, if you will, transcends PD's. I think it is a dimension that transcends any human ego limitations. As such, in this dimension, there would be no sociopaths.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Anon @ 2:24

    Thanks for the book reference. I'll look into it.

    M.E.'s post actually struck me as a bit romantic. And no, I don't romanticize sociopaths. It was the music I was referring to. And yes, I very much experience music with a romantic's heart.

    ReplyDelete
  146. Monica,

    Very interesting.

    I'm not a musical artist, but I do understand "The Zone" (which is how I refer to it).

    I never thought about it much until now, but wouldn't entering this dimension require a level of empathy and intuition? And being in this world, isn't there a connection? I would think that a deeply emotional person and an emotionally detached person would experience this world in different ways.

    What do you think?

    ReplyDelete
  147. Here is the movie, for free.

    ReplyDelete
  148. Thanks, Anonymous!

    ReplyDelete
  149. @Bizy It is a hard question, but, I think they would experience it the same. Here is why. A PD is at the level of the ego, of which the personality is a part. ME's article on the sociopath describes the sociopath as having a flexible "personality."

    If one could transcend the level of the personality, there would be no difference between a sociopath and a non sociopath. I think music is one of the rare things that does that.

    ReplyDelete
  150. I'm doing it right now. I'm not the one to blame for those people being fucked off anyway. I just called them on their bollocks. I'm not a hacker I'm a sower of doubt. You and these muppets are just polarizing everything on me even if I have nothing to do with it just like you polarize your personal problems on your mum buggering your vagina or your moocher ex boyfriends. You keep making bad choices because you have low self esteem, no self respect, and your dying for anyone to scoop you up like some fairy tale. You come here just to get abused. Admit it. All the ones who said they were leaving are still here. Right now. Anonymously. All the people you just listed are reading My words right now. You chant my name morning and night like ghosts crying in the valley of the dead. You lost your name and now I'm keeping your souls. Who do you think is in control if I sow so much paranoia in this room that you are guessing everyone is me? You think everything is a one of my tricks. You think everything I'm saying is a clever ruse. You think even my wife is a trick which means you think I developed a entirely well developed character that got on all of your nerves. You thought my wifes structure model was a clue, then the galway cathedral, or were they "red herrings" or is the napkin picture a clue? This is a game and you have been playing by whatever rules I make up for the day.

    ReplyDelete
  151. The answer to whether Ukan learned anything is NO lol

    ReplyDelete
  152. 'Ha ha sounds like her. Maybe she should change her name if she doesn't want to be ignored.'

    is that in reference to me or someone else? I don't know...
    (I'm feeling like Medusa but you know what, I won't even bother saying why, no one gives a shit).

    wv disecles. sounds like a greek herp. Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  153. Your welcome to teach me lesson. Considering I'm still here and your not I don't think it went over well last time you tried.

    ReplyDelete
  154. lolllll, i meant, 'greek hero'. I don't know how 'herp' happened. :D

    ReplyDelete
  155. No it was to you. Wow, I can't believe that was really you. That sounded so obviously insecure and weak I thought it had to he a troll. I figured nobody would be so pathetic as to write something like that, but I was wrong.

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  156. Monica,

    You've given me something to think about. Very insightful.

    ReplyDelete
  157. notme

    You are you. Medusa is she. Each person is special in her own way. That reminds me of Mr Rogers.

    ReplyDelete
  158. @Bizy
    Thank you. I am glad I was able to do that :)

    ReplyDelete
  159. Regarding the post, I can appreciate that the socio take on it may be different, but for me, personally, beauty, is pain. The absence of it, hurts, and the presence of it, is so transient that also, it can only hurt. But it's all we can live for, and I worship it.

    ReplyDelete
  160. 'No it was to you. Wow, I can't believe that was really you. That sounded so obviously insecure and weak I thought it had to he a troll. I figured nobody would be so pathetic as to write something like that, but I was wrong'

    I'm a joke to you sometimes, and you're a joke to me sometimes. How about that? Ain't life funny Ukan. Btw, I don't mind showing my vulnerability, and I don't care being laughed at. And I know, that you don't either. I'm pretty glad I offended your alpha sensibilities.

    ReplyDelete
  161. @ Notme

    I can relate to pain being beautiful. Tragically so. It is why classics like Romeo and Juliet remain classics.

    The modern tragedy such as the movie Leaving Las Vegas is so wretchedly agonizing that you have to admire their perfect dedication to ruin themselves.

    I love Tennessee Williams for his ability to portray this type of frailty as well.

    ReplyDelete
  162. "You chant my name morning and night like ghosts crying in the valley of the dead. You lost your name and now I'm keeping your souls"

    Poetry.

    ReplyDelete
  163. No youre a joke to me all the time. At least medusa took a go at me. You just sit silent until you want to come out and complain about the quality of the comment section. You wonder why people aren't interested in you here I can tell you: because you are boring and they forgot you existed. Like TNP.

    ReplyDelete
  164. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 3, 2011 at 3:09 PM

    i love movies about pain some japanese flicks are especially fun to watch have ya seen the audition? i recommend its pretty cool

    ReplyDelete
  165. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mtUYD98Qqc&feature=related

    I don't know how to hyper link but this Carole King song was not one of her better known ones, but it was one of the most profoundly heartfelt ones, imo

    Now and Forever

    ReplyDelete
  166. 'No youre a joke to me all the time. At least medusa took a go at me. You just sit silent until you want to come out and complain about the quality of the comment section. You wonder why people aren't interested in you here I can tell you: because you are boring and they forgot you existed. Like TNP'

    are you frigging kidding me? me, silent? Not having a go at you? Lol. Don't know what comment sections you've been reading. I knew you were a jerk but now I see you're also blind and perhaps a little illiterate. Nice. Good luck in the future, for your incability to decipher facts is rather ridiculous. Can't be arsed with you anymore tonight Ukan. take care hunny.

    ReplyDelete
  167. oh and let my offer you an update and clarifaction. I met a narc, yes, i'm still involved with the fucker. And yes, I think he's vile. Ladies, some advice for you, act as submissive as you can (throw up in your own time, not in front of the bugger) and then get the fuck out of there, any way you can. :) Gluck.

    ReplyDelete
  168. -- All the ones who said they were leaving are still here. Right now. Anonymously. All the people you just listed are reading My words right now.--

    He isn't the most sophisticated creature around but you have to admit the guy hits nails on the head. Sometimes his intelligence and though drug stories sound contradictory to me.

    ReplyDelete
  169. Can you blame me. All of our exchanges have been like this. You complain, I verbally abuse you, you give me some sticks and stones rant and run off to cry yourself to sleep.

    Wv corne

    ReplyDelete
  170. Have any of you read the novel, Perfume? Supposedly a classic.

    I'm thinking of purchasing 'Killer fiction' A book written by serial killer Gerard Schaefer, detailing his methods of murder and the thought process that accompanied the murders.

    ReplyDelete
  171. Frigging amateurs, all over the place. I'm done.

    ReplyDelete
  172. I am taking off my rain gear. Don't prove Frank wrong.









    wv:rubbies

    ReplyDelete
  173. 'I can relate to pain being beautiful. Tragically so. It is why classics like Romeo and Juliet remain classics.

    The modern tragedy such as the movie Leaving Las Vegas is so wretchedly agonizing that you have to admire their perfect dedication to ruin themselves.

    I love Tennessee Williams for his ability to portray this type of frailty as well'

    this makes me want to watch Leaving las Vegas. Cheers. :)

    ReplyDelete
  174. You always come back notme. Why should this time be any different?

    ReplyDelete
  175. Frank, take off your rubbers. I have been working on a case. A stupid broad offed her husband. Do you have any chocolate chip ice cream I can borrow?





    wv:fuck

    ReplyDelete
  176. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 3, 2011 at 3:36 PM

    if i get bored in the blog i just go not make a big show out of it in my experience people who make big drama dont really mean it they just want the attention

    ReplyDelete
  177. Gerard John Schaefer was raised in Atlanta, Georgia until 1960, when he and his family moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Schaefer did not get along well with his father, who he believed favored his sister. In his teens, Schaefer became obsessed with women's panties and also became a peeping tom, spying on a neighbor girl named Leigh Hainline. He would later admit to killing animals in his youth and cross dressing, although at other times he claimed the latter was solely to avoid the draft into the Vietnam War (which he did). Schaefer's I.Q. tested at 130, within the very superior range, and he was an autodidact who indulged in many subjects that interested him.

    After graduating from St. Thomas Aquinas High School[1] in 1964, Schaefer went to college, during which time he got married. In 1969 he became a teacher, but was soon fired for "totally inappropriate behavior," according to the principal. After being turned down from the priesthood, Schaefer turned to law enforcement as a career, graduating as a patrolman at the end of 1971, at the age of 25.

    ReplyDelete
  178. Hi Frank
    Hi Gary
    I am going on a date tonight. I am going to give her a Rufie and have a good time. Bye Guys
    Talk tomorrow



    wv:frank

    ReplyDelete
  179. In high school, Schaefer had dated Sondra London, who later became a true crime writer. She got in touch with Schaefer following his conviction and in 1989 she published Killer Fiction, short stories and drawings found in Schaefer's house after his arrest. A follow-up, Beyond Killer Fiction, was later released. Following his death, London released another edition of Killer Fiction, containing the stories and rambling articles by Schaefer that were in the previous two books, together with Schaefer's letters to her where he boasted of killing 34 women and girls and how he was admired by fellow inmate Ted Bundy. At the same time Schaefer had been writing these boastful claims, he was appealing his conviction and trying to sue anyone who dared to call him a serial killer.

    The short stories Schaefer wrote all featured the savage torture and murder of women. They were often written from the killer's perspective, the killer often a rogue cop — just like Schaefer.

    In his writings, Schaefer claimed to have started murdering women as early as 1965, when he was 19.

    Two schoolgirls, nine-year-old Peggy Rahn and eight-year-old Wendy Stevenson, vanished in December 29 1969 after being seen in the company of a man fitting Schaefer's description. Schaefer denied being involved when he was publicly accused of the crime, but in a letter to London in 1989 he boasted of killing and cannibalizing the two children.

    London and Schaefer had briefly been engaged in 1991, but London broke it off and got engaged (to another serial killer from Florida, Danny Rolling). Schaefer did not take the rejection well, and began sending her death threats. He tried three times to sue her for "stealing" his work.

    ReplyDelete
  180. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 3, 2011 at 3:48 PM

    IQ130 is very high for a serial killer or anyone more than ted bundy who had 120 i believe 130 is the most ive heard measured from a serial killer

    ReplyDelete
  181. Most lie about their IQ.

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  182. Harv why do you tell me that? I am a law enforcement official. You put me in a compromised position. Now, what is Gary going to do?






    wv:frank

    ReplyDelete
  183. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHikFfU7aI0

    ReplyDelete

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