Saturday, December 17, 2011

Kicking against the pricks

I related to this recent comment from UKan in response to a question, "why did you say you must have been a little lost?"
Because violence became my obsession and it cost me years of my life. Everything seemed so right, so I couldn't understand why I kept going in and out of facilities. I felt like they were persecuting me. I didn't figure it out till my last year in prison. Even then I couldn't put the brakes on because I had been going down the hill so fast for so long. I'm still trying to hold the brakes. I've had a few incidents in a year span, but I think I've slowed down a bit. 
I know most people think it seems simple. If you keep getting arrested for violent deeds, it should be easy to see why you are getting jammed. In my mind everything was not only justified, but I projected myself on everyone. Consequently I thought they thought it was ok too, but they were just jamming me up because they wanted to keep me down. I don't know if you understand. Like I said I was lost. Delusional even.
When I studied music, we looked at the composition below. The text of the piece is from the New Testament. Jesus appears to Saul, the persecutor of Christians, saying "Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? It is hard for thee to kick against the pricks."  What Jesus meant is that it was difficult for Saul to continue doing the same (self) destructive stuff over and over again.

I knew exactly what the angel meant.  I had done this so many times in my life, diving headlong into some hare-brained scheme or another, and repeating my mistakes over and over again like a moron.  I would provoke the people in my life until they erupted, then provoke them again until they erupted, then provoke them again until they erupted.  It was like I was a skipping record.  I finally hit a sort of rock bottom and straightened out quite a bit, but I'm still susceptible to getting stuck in these sorts of ruts.  I wish I knew what it was about me that made me so susceptible to this self-defeating behavior.

225 comments:

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  3. I always feel right, right off the bat. I can be made to see the error of my ways from your point of view, but that doesn't mean I'll change my ways or accept yours. Chances are, they're ingrained for a fucking reason.

    Every time I've gotten in trouble for being a bastard, I've never felt like I had done anything wrong, or undeserved. In fact, listening to someone blabber on about it before a punishment feels like the only injustice in this equation.

    I'm not, and have never been, some stove-top hat, monocle wearing, mustached villain plotting atomic wedgies and fisticuffs to terrorize the yard. I'm an animal, like any other human, with hungers, desires, and needs. If someone tries to deny me those, they'll find out real fucking fast about my point of view in this equation, moral or not.

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  4. I finally hit a sort of rock bottom and straightened out quite a bit, but I'm still susceptible to getting stuck in these sorts of ruts. I wish I knew what it was about me that made me so susceptible to this self-defeating behavior

    Your left with no challenges. You caught up to the car and you don't know what to do with it so you fucking burn it to pieces, because it would be better to torch everything you love than to do the same thing every day.

    You can't become stagnant because everything inside you is pushing you forward. If things are staying the same your subconscious forces you to sabotage yourself so that you burn your boats behind you. You have no choice but to handle the upcoming storm or drown. Your doing it because you don't feel challenged. You killed Moby Dick and you feel like a god with nothing above you. You get cocky and bored so you just start burning the house down. You start burning down everything you possibly can, because destruction is more fun than creation and once you have built something it ceases to be entertaining because it is no longer a challenge.

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  5. UKan, are you bald and chubby?

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  6. You're not truely delusional if you know you have delusions David. That is how power works.

    The greater I think I am the greater I become. So I become whoever I want to be. Everyone believes I am. So I am. As a whelp I walked like a king and sooner or later I was treated like one.

    I want things more than other people do that's why I get them. I want power more than any other person in the places I interact and because of that I am the one who usually gets it. I am delusional enough to believe that no matter who is around I am the one who deserves it the most.

    It's not delusions I have it's about desire. I am passionate about what I desire and for that reason I can be or get whatever I want. That's how I use my delusions to my advantage. I make my delusions into desires, my desires into obsessions, and my obsessions into realities. I

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  7. UKan, are you bald and chubby?

    Are you old and lonely?

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  8. Sociopath abuse. I'm going to turn you into a nobody, and you will obey my commands. You are worthless.

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  10. I know you are anyway, UKan.

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  12. "UKan said...
    I am delusional enough to believe that no matter who is around I am the one who deserves it the most.

    It's not delusions I have it's about desire."

    this is like, meta delusion. delusional about even his own delusions lol

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  13. Ukan took the red pill and the blue pill.

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  14. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUSKjy3BgrI&feature=related


    bahahahahahahaha. I am ashamed i belong to the same species. :D Enjoy. I do actually believe in God now, for only He could gift us with such glorious jokes... :D

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  15. A friend of mine use to prepare Scientology's taxes. If he ever goes public it would be a bomb shell. They would try and ruin him for sure. They re quite funny with their money from what I hear.

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  16. Theme Songs for SE Regular "Events Series"December 17, 2011 at 5:31 AM

    Theme for Ciara and James Don't mess with Medusa i.e. "Jim" he he


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNiQE5ykrpc

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  17. ME I know people laugh at me because I am serious about figuring things out, but I AM as you are,obviously. I was considering this same subject i.e why do some PD's, such as ASPD and Mal Narc, have such a difficult time learning what seems obvious to "normal" people.

    I have some ideas I will put forth. I think the answer is empathy. There is a concept called "subtext". When you are "impaired" i.e have a PD, you do not pick up subtext as other people do.

    Subtext is what goes on under the surface. One must feel subtext through one's emotional centers, not rational centers.

    I think subtext and empathy have a direct relationship. I think one may not be able to have one without the other, but I am not sure if it is that simple.

    It may be.
    Thank you for your blog, ME <3

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  18. Ha ha Themes Great song

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  19. Monica, how was your party last nite?

    Shout out to TCO!

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  20. Saw the new Sherlock last night...
    Good show.

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  21. My party was good. Thanks for asking Tik :)

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  22. UKan said...

    UKan, are you bald and chubby?

    Are you old and lonely?


    that sounds like a yes :)

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  23. A Posse invitation goes out to TNP. Pony on up, TNP, and join the cool guys on SW.

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  24. I am thinking that lack of empathy is directly proportional with not being able to learn from actions/mistakes.

    When a person does not have empathy, maybe certain traits, such as this, accompany it.

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  25. for the most part i agree, but it also depends how you define "mistakes".

    repeatedly falling for gas lighting tricks, returning to a bad relationship are in a way empath mistakes... if you expand the definition of a mistake to include "acts" of emotion as well as physical actions.

    some empaths fall for "sociopaths" again and again. how are they learning from their mistakes?

    so when you look at it like that, the inability to learn from mistakes is a separate trait. the way this inability manifests then might depend on the empathy wiring.

    perhaps the sociopaths who learn from their mistakes are the high functioning ones.

    what are we saying are mistakes? actions that don't serve society or the recipient, or actions that don't serve the instigator?

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  26. why does socia blog seems lame?

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  27. ME's posts are growing increasingly boring.

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  28. @Zoe A "mistake" would be not learning from natural consequences because you were to "thick" to learn. This could happen to any PD. There is some blockage that accounts for it. It is some sort of "emotional dumbness"' for lack of a better word lol

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  29. http://operatorchan.org/k/arch/src/k132587_bullets-%20.40%20S_and_W%20sure%20cure%20for%20sociopathy.jpg

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  30. "The sociopath is a human roller coaster – fun for a limited time, nauseating in the long run




    This is fucking hilarious

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  31. Sometimes sociopaths do seem a bit dense I suppose, but we all are when we have a tick we don't like to see. Like David with his feigned bravery and delusions to alleviate it.

    I didn't really know what else to say. Eden, I think we'll have to see the Sherlock Holmes movie. My husband said he wanted to.

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  32. I want to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie. I love Robert Downey Jr.

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  33. I'm a massive Sherlock Holmes fan, so I'll probably see the new movie sometime next week. And then January first; the second season of Sherlock! :D I can't wait to find out what will happen! That fucking cliff-hanger has been fucking tormenting me since September last-fucking-year. But yeah, really excited!

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  34. I mean what is "normal"/healthy? Maybe it is knowing all of yourself, without lying to yourself. Then what?

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  35. "I mean what is "normal"/healthy? Maybe it is knowing all of yourself, without lying to yourself. Then what?"


    Really Caroline? If this were true, the majority of the world would be flat out fucked. Even you standard neurotypical empath doesn't have jack shit in the way of self-awareness.

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  36. I KNOW Haven. Authenticity and self awareness is rare, very rare.However, it is the goal, I think. Don't you?

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  37. Seriously. Anyone could be lacking in self awareness. Anyone can keep repeating a circle of mistakes. This lack of empathy: it isn't the puzzle piece the unriddles why a sociopath would keep breaking all the same rules.

    Not everyone can starve themselves. If they could; anyone could turn anorexic with little problem. Know what I mean?

    Some desires ride the body so hard you simply must answer them.

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  38. I don't think I would say those are most peoples goals. Those are goals of people with the ability for self awareness. People that don't have a certain specific kind of intelligence do not have the ability to analyze themselves.

    I think the goal of most people is simply to be happy. Which is why most people are willing to delude themselves and try to make due with what the world throws at them.

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  39. Well, my personal goal is total self acceptance of what is. At that point, I can figure out how I want to live i.e rise above my human nature. However, I have to accept all that it entails, fist. That is the hard part, for me, anyway.

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  40. Some hungers are just too great to override. You may be aware of what drives you to eat your own face... that doesn't make the hunger cease.

    Be happy you don't have an overwhelming desire to hump a cactus.

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  41. @Eden I know where I want to go. It is the getting there that is the bitch.

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  42. I have such a blind rage. Someone did one little thing, basically, to me, today. I pushed this rage down, for a lifetime, and now it is coming out. I can see how the sociopaths lose it and go ape shit. I want to go fucking ape shit. Damn, there is so long you can hold things down before you blow. I can see how people blow and lose it and when they are done---havoc has broken loose.

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  43. @Caroline

    But could you ever accept that you may never get there? That's the question you should be asking yourself. Can you accept yourself with all your hungers... and stop trying to sate them?

    The grip on sanity can sometimes be lost when one accepts their full nature. On the other side of that coin, is sanity lost because you can't find an outlet to channel your stronger side into, while your trying to hold back. There is much to be lost when you embrace the fire that consumes you. Will you run into the fire, just because your nature calls to you from the middle of the flames?

    Some people do. Not because they are too dense to know the fire will burn, but because they lost their will to resist.

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  44. @Eden I am too upset to even understand what you wrote.


    I feel like David lol

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  45. I'm at the at&t store setting all the display iPad 2's on sw.

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  46. Whatever. I was saying to myself anyway...

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  47. @Eden I appreciate that you were trying to help. I appreciate it a great deal. I am in a blind rage so I can't use my logic. <3

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  48. Human nature is human nature. I don't think it's a 'sin' to be human. It's what we are afterall.

    I'm very, very aware of the things I do. This is (my theory) what drives me so crazy. Cognitively I KNOW, when my thoughts, my actions, my behavior is not ok, not acceptable, not SANE... but I can't help how I FEEL. Usually I'm good at controlling how I behave. What I"m working on... my goals of therapy... are in hopes that I can change how I feel.

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  49. This is my theory. I could be wrong. "Normal" people just accept all that they are, as being human. People with emotional problems feel that "human" is "bad". What do you think? You said you think it is OK but do you FEEL it is OK?

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  50. I don't FEEL like it's ok because I know how volatile I am. I have a fairly unique perspective of being extremely self-aware but with a personality disorder that means I view the world in a way that is ultimately, extreme. I have no concept of "normal". Except from what I have seen that society accepts. Trying to fit the mold that society values is exhausting and unrealistic. Society doesn't know what's good for it.

    You may be right though, that most of humanity simply accepts what they are. I don't think this makes them in any way better than anyone else. To me it means they remain rather simple. But they are what they are. Maybe it's better because they don't have to worry so much.

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  51. Hi Eden! How're you tonight?

    I'm pretty drunk. I want to make some 'bad' decisions. At least. I think they're bad.

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  52. Normal people don't accept who they are. They accept who they're supposed to be and don't look back.

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  53. @Haven I am struggling BADLY, today. I am having one of the hardest days I have ever had, so take it from that. *I* think that you and I, and everyone who had a "PD" would be normal, if they could just accept all the mess, as just human.

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  54. I'm sorry Caroline. I wish I could help you if there was something I could do to make you feel better.

    I've had a ridiculous hard day. I just... I have a bottle of wine to help me tonight. Is there anything I can do for you?

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  55. I could never let loose because other people were. What would happen if *I* did, too? So, I was the one who never let loose, never lost it, but it took its toll and now I am losing it.

    @TNP I don't agree. Normal people accept who they ARE. If not, you are all fucked up. How can you be OK when you throw away who you are? There is no logic to that.

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  56. @Haven your kind words have helped so very, very much. Thank you dear one <3 <3

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  57. TNP... I believe you're right. Most people have an idea of who they're supposed to be and build their lives around that principle. They are who they are told to be.

    Some days I envy these people because to me it seems like such an easy way to exist.

    I question everything. I can't help but be who I am and rail against anyone that wants me to be other than what I know.

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  58. Caroline, you're a moron and an emotional wreck. You're some "psych nurse" who has learned "all kinds of stuff", right? Well now you're going to have a lesson from me.

    I'm right, you're wrong, get over it.

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  59. @TNP What are you even talking about lol?

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  60. Caroline.... I don't think most people even think to question who they are.


    Maybe you should try letting go. I know about bottling things up for too long. It can be painful and devastating. You can dedicate your life to helping other people, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take care of yourself too. Let go. Let out what you need to let go of. a

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  61. This is where I am, today. I am becoming unglued from this calm person, this perfect person who has it all together. I don't.

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  62. Then go out in a blaze of glory, or pills. I don't give a fuck, just choose and shut the hell up. I'm tired of you fucking idiots coming here for a shoulder to cry on.

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  64. @TNP you are funny. You want to give us a shoulder to cry on. Don't you?

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  66. I want to smash your brain into a pulp and give it to the homeless for a warm meal.

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  67. @TNP You love woman. You do.

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  68. Let me re-phrase that, *skull, not brain. You're clearly lacking one.

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  69. @TNP you love woman and you hate them. You love/hate.

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  70. @TNP you want to crawl in to a woman, where it is safe, but you want to smash that woman so you don't NEED to crawl in to her.

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  71. Conversation over. Go find some other sucker to give you sympathy.

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  72. @TNP You love woman and you hate them. I am just a mirror for that. Throw one mirror away, and there are thousands left, saying the same thing.

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  73. "Those of us who have had experiences with psychopaths know that the language of the psychopath is two-dimensional. They are, as someone once said, as "deep as a thimble." An analogy is given of the psychopath as a color blind person who has learned how to function in the world of color by special strategies. They may tell you that they "stopped at a red light," but what it really means to them is that they knew that the light at the top means "stop," and they stopped. They call it the "red" light like everyone else, but they have no experience of what "red" really is.

    A person who is color blind who has developed such coping mechanisms, is virtually undetectable from people who see colors.

    Psychopaths use words about emotions the same way people who are color blind use words about colors they cannot perceive. Psychopaths not only learn to use the words more or less appropriately, they learn to pantomime the feeling. But they never HAVE the feeling.

    This quality of the mind of the psychopath has been extensively tested with word association tests while the subjects are hooked up to an EEG. Words that have emotional content evoke larger brain responses than do neutral words which is apparently a reflection of the large amount of information that can be packed into a word. For most of us, the word cancer can instantly bring to mind not only the description of the disease, but also fear, pain, concern, or whatever, depending upon our experiences with cancer - whether we or someone we love has had it, or if it had some impact on our lives, and so on. The same is true with many words in our collective and individual vocabularies. And, unless we had a traumatic experience with it, a word such as box or paper will be neutral.

    Psychopaths respond to all emotional words as if they were neutral. It is as if they are permanently condemned to operate with a Juvenile Dictionary. Hare writes:

    "Earlier I discussed the role of "inner speech" in the development and operation of conscience. It is the emotionally charged thoughts, images, and internal dialogue that give the "bite" to conscience, account for its powerful control over behavior, and generate guilt and remorse for transgressions. This is something that psychopaths cannot understand. For them, conscience is little more than an intellectual awareness of rules others make up - empty words. The feelings needed to give clout to these rules are missing."

    What is more, just as the color blind individual may never know he is color blind unless he is given a test to determine it, the psychopath is unable to even be aware of his own emotional poverty. They assume that their own perceptions are the same as everyone else's. They assume that their own lack of feeling is the same for everyone else. And make no mistake about it: you can NOT hurt their feelings because they don't have any! They will pretend to have feelings if it suits their purposes or gets them what they want. They will verbalize remorse, but their actions will contradict their words. They know that "remorse" is important, and "apologies" are useful, and they will give them freely, though generally in words that amount to blaming the victim for needing to be apologized to."

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  74. "Most people are able to combine ideas that have consistent thought themes, but psychopaths have great difficulty doing this. Again, this suggests a genetic restriction to what we have called the Juvenile Dictionary. Not only are they using extremely restricted definitions, they cannot, by virtue of the way their brains work, do otherwise. Virtually all of the research on psychopaths reveals an inner world that is banal, sophomoric, and devoid of the color and detail that generally exists in the inner world of normal people. This goes a long way to explain the inconsistencies and contradictions in their speech.

    "The situation is analogous to a movie in which one scene is shot under cloudy conditions and the next scene - which supposedly takes place a few minutes later - is shot in brilliant sunshine. […] Some moviegoers - the victims of psychopaths - might not notice the discrepancy, particularly if they are engrossed in the action."

    Psychopaths are notorious for not answering the questions asked them. They will answer something else, or in such a way that the direct question is never addressed. They also phrase things so that some parts of their narratives are difficult to understand. This is not careless speech, of which everyone is guilty at times, but an ongoing indication of the underlying condition in which the organization of mental activity suggests something is wrong. It's not what they say, but how they say it that gives insight into their true nature.

    But this raises, again, the question: if their speech is so odd, how come smart people get taken in by them? Why do we fail to pick up the inconsistencies?

    Part of the answer is that the oddities are subtle so that our general listening mode will not normally pick them up. But my own experience is that some of the "skipped" or oddly arranged words, or misused words are automatically reinterpreted by OUR brains in the same way we automatically "fill in the blank" space on a neon sign when one of the letters has gone out. We can be driving down the road at night, and ahead we see M_tel, and we mentally put the "o" in place and read "Motel." Something like this happens between the psychopath and the victim. We fill in the "missing humanness" by filling in the blanks with our own assumptions, based on what WE think and feel and mean. And, in this way, because there are these "blank" spots, we fill them in with what is inside us, and thus we are easily convinced that the psychopath is a great guy - because he is just like us! We have been conditioned to operate on trust, and we always try to give the "benefit of the doubt." So, there are blanks, we "give the benefit of the doubt," and we are thereby hoisted on our own petard."

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  75. It's got nothing to do with your lady parts, and everything to do with the fact that you're a weak, sniveling piece of shit that doesn't have two feet to stand on.

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  76. @TNP YOU can't accept your own weakness.

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  77. I'll be your shoulderDecember 17, 2011 at 5:48 PM

    http://youtu.be/FlsBObg-1BQ

    For Caroline :(

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  78. Now you're just projecting.

    I know who I am. I accepted who I am quite some time ago. Sometimes, I even revel in it.

    Pedal your damaged wares to someone else willing to share your misery.

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  79. @TNP You rail against that which you need, too badly and too much.

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  80. Are you going to give me a hug and some Xanax?

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  81. @TNP I am gonna tell you that you love woman so much that you have to push them away so you don't die from the pain of it <3

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  82. I really want whatever it is you're smoking...

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  83. @TNP
    Not smoking anything. Just trying to find the place where it makes sense and I can rest.

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  84. Well, you're doing a piss poor job psycho-analyzing me, that's for sure. I mean really, you can't even figure yourself out and you're trying to concoct some hippy-freudian psychology and apply it to someone that wants to play in your blood and doesn't give a shit if your name is Carline or Carl.

    Go for a brain-cation, figure your shit out, and if you still want to come and observe the sociopaths like some fucking Jane Goodall, feel free. Until then, shut the fuck up. You know nothing.

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  85. Do another video, David. I need your cock in my mouth.

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  86. I agree with Caroline. She states the obvious which you cannot see

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  87. I agree with TNP. He states the obvious which you cannot see

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  88. Caroline is one of TNP alterego. He hate her. He want to kill caroline

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  89. I am not an alter ego lol

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  90. Caroline is sw niggler.

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  91. lol only scuzz you can't pull one off!

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  92. TNP is one of Caroline alterego. She hate him. She want to kill tnp

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  93. HAhahahha lolololo

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  94. I ordered "The Wire" as a Christmas present for me as it came so highly recommended and I liked what I read about the series in the adverts.

    And Caroline, you are flipping out, seriously, if it really is you. What's wrong?

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  95. TNP is mean to Caroline = Caroline mean to huself ?

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  96. The Wire is good. Female Prison guard is a nasty socio.

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  97. @Nothing Man <3
    Thank you. It is I. I am just coming down from being perfect lol

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  98. I am so glad to see copy and pasted posts about psychopaths. Because... I need to be reminded who I am.

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  99. My mom and I are discussing netty pot deaths.

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  100. No problem Caroline, just remember that only a fraction of the feedback you are going to get in this site is honest, and even when it is, you are not going to know about it. My advice is be very careful of what you reveal of yourself here. But of course you know it already.

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  101. @ Nothing Man <3 Thanks! x

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  102. You may send me aka (TCO) naked pics of yourself Caroline. I will give you my honest opinion on them.

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  103. nothin man be right. carline need ta go talk a sammy v for troof. lolooolooooooooooooolol

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  104. @ 6:34 *I* almost drowned from the netty.

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  105. LOL TCO
    Nothing Man was very sweet and gave me a warm fuzzy to which I will hug, as I go to sleep. We, humans, are very fragile, whether or not we want to admit it.

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  106. Sam Vaknin, Anon 6:38? I have read some of his stuff. He sounds... ummm... convincing? I'm sure he's the best expert for his own problems. :)

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  107. I like Caroline too.... Oh caroline, I can smell your cunt.

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  108. OH xoxoxo

    I just come here to warm my soul!

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  109. Nothin Man .

    I am very kiddn. But yes, talking abt Vaknin. He is black and white thinker/labler putty face with slave- woman wife.

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  110. Nice quote from the Silence of the Lambs, TCO. "It puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose again."

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  111. My cunt smells (and tastes)like fresh cut grass. I hope you like it.

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  112. :)
    my legs are akimbo.

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  113. Is cunt talk over? can we move on to cock yet?

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  114. I wanted to see what your eyes looked like. They're still the same... pissholes in the snow.

    Anyone seen this movie? I'm talking about the original of course - Stallone version is absolute crap.

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  115. that is a quote?
    what movie is that from?

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  116. <3 Total loves Eden

    ::drunk::

    don't ask me questions now haha

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  117. Get Carter. The original with Michael Caine. The Stallone version was so bad I couldn't even watch it through.

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  118. Goodnight. I have a task that needs to be done.

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  119. I will try to catch it one day. later to all.

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  120. Here's a little taste of the movie:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbmMeptgPyU

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  121. No questions, Haven? Why? I have an itch to unhinge you. What demon wakes up when you drink?

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  122. Nothing man, do you have your own sense of spirituality?

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  123. All my demons unhinge when I'm drunk Eden.... and I"m very, very drunk. haha.

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  124. Caroline, the goal of self actualization is inherent in anyone as a llife process, its a natural need. But most people take longer or don't reach iit in that they fear the outcome and can't face themselves and wwhat's happened to them enough to accept disillusionment. David for example, will never self actualize because he can't accept himself for who and wwhat he iis. But the world needs people llike that.

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  125. Shit flingging monkeyDecember 17, 2011 at 7:49 PM

    MK, WTF, you really believe your own bullshit?

    No one else does.

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  126. Shit flingging monkeyDecember 17, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    Respect is not a given, it's earned and you have failed miserably.

    Hint; don't trust you intuition, you have none.

    You speak it seams just to hear yourself. There's no value in your words.

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  127. Shit flinging monkey:

    There's no value in your words.

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  128. Shit flingging monkeyDecember 17, 2011 at 8:18 PM

    How do you like it, you weak judgemental little shit?

    What goes around, comes around.

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  129. Lol. I'm not offended by angry nameless shadows aspiring to discredit and devalue mmy opinions. Respect is always earned, and I'm not demanding it. Power and respect have nothing to do with my motivations. Nor yours, it would seam.

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  130. I was amused by my boss frustration the other day. Its the first time I'd seen anyone bothered by how easy iit is for my husband to make money first hand. And he was more amused and frustrated. He saw the humor in it as my husband and i do. I think there's hope for him. He's starting to really see the invisible hand.

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  131. Shit flingging monkeyDecember 17, 2011 at 8:40 PM

    You haven't any self idenity, your just a cock suking whore to a drug dealing punk.

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  132. Shit flingging monkeyDecember 17, 2011 at 8:43 PM

    How many victim's would you say you and your husband have compared to David?

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  133. Lol. What fun! Pleaz don't email all my frends and tell them what my huzband does for a living!
    Then theyll know I have no sence of self! And that everything I say is to put them down so i don't feel so empty!

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  134. i actually don't understand that question's legitimacy.

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  135. Monkey, you should get an account so you have a picture. :-) I think there's great potential there.

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  136. Shit flingging monkeyDecember 17, 2011 at 8:53 PM

    Manipulation, fail.

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  137. Haven, what wwe drinkin?! I'm thinking of starting.

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  138. lol. Im not manipulative. That was sserious. I had images in my head of angry cartoon monkeys.

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  139. OH man Missus. I"m like a bottle and a half into the Cabernet at this point. Start up. Get Hammered. Help me make bad decisions. haha.

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  140. lol. What decisions are we making tonight?

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  141. We;re deciding to send a letter to my Friend detailing how he failed me as a person. And debating whether or not to seduce him and ruin his life in the process. haha.

    Mostly just the first part though.

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  142. Hm, and I thought the second part made iit iinteresting.
    So are you single now, or is this something your doing on the side?

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  143. I've never not been single haha. Tech Boy is still around... Friend has been around for longer. And there's my women.... The second part does make it interesting. I just don't know if I have it in me to bother.

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  144. Lol. You like fuckin the shit in your life all to hell to keep it interesting.

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  145. @Haven

    You're just going to end up making yourself look like a flaky, psycho bitch. Walk away. Keep your dignity. If you came at me the way you desire to come at him; I'd be storing your blood in my freezer the next night.

    *kisses* :)

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  146. when my husband and i first met I used to tell him I was iimpervious to his charms... which we both knew to be false.

    It sounds like you have a similar effect on the people you target Eden, but I think your motives for charm are more fleeting.

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  147. That was to haven, though I wonder if that wwas a Freudian slip.

    Now that i consider it, Eden, I think your charms have a similar effect, though I imagine you to be the impervious one.

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  148. Missus Kanney said...
    I was amused by my boss frustration the other day. Its the first time I'd seen anyone bothered by how easy iit is for my husband to make money first hand. And he was more amused and frustrated. He saw the humor in it as my husband and i do. I think there's hope for him. He's starting to really see the invisible hand.





    did you really just copy and paste your comment from yesterday because you didn't get enough attention for it the first time?

    LOL PATHETIC

    ReplyDelete
  149. I seriously thought today's post would get 700 comments.

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  150. did iI copy aand paste it? And it wasn't attention I was seeking, I'm genuinely amused by it. And curious in some wways, though I'm not sure about what so i bbrought it up again, in a similar way.
    I think I'm curious about his conflict with himself, maybe. In some ways hhe'd like to bbe able to be stroked, and in some ways he hangs oon to his morality, though he's starting to see how it only hinders him. I guess it reminds me of when i started to see the disadvantages of doing everything by the book.

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  151. VM, what did you say you ccurrently do for a living?

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  152. uh huh, right.

    look at you defending yourself against the anonymi. i though you were above that lol.

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  153. crooked, not stroked. I'm not sure how stroked came into that.

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  154. I only respond to the things iI want tto talk about, remember? As the monkey said, sometimes I do like tto hear myself talk.

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  155. eCommerce sales director is the fancy name for it

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  156. cause you have some kind of mental disability. thats why you type all wierd and blame it on your tablet. dyslexic or something

    ReplyDelete
  157. lol. Wow.

    Yes, anon. You've hit the nail on the head. I have atextual stutter, and it bothers me iimmensely that i have such an expressive retardation.

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  158. Hi.

    Do you guys really think Ted Bundy was a psychopath? He's been really shy in his childhood and even fell in love with this girl. She dumped him and he fell into a deep deep depression. Psychopaths don't care that much about anyone?

    Thanks guys.

    ReplyDelete
  159. Yeah basically I really excel at it. On and off for 10 years. I work for companies and liquidate overstock thorough online sales channels as well as through wholesale clients. Sometimes I set up distributorships if needed. When I am not employed I sell records which is more lucrative than most people realize. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of music aspie style. Its not uncommon for me to buy a record for $5 and sell it for $50. I bought a record once for $17 and sold it for $1200. I'm good at flipping things.

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  160. I don't see myself as charming. The only time I really see when I'm shifting in that direction, is when I do my child like, cutesie act. I have at least 5 mothers as a result.

    Last night: At the (company) Christmas Party... I was talking to a woman who helped me take over the shop I now run; telling her how when the company Director called me into her office, I was trying to think of what offensive thing I'd done. Everyone at the table laughed... in that "YOU? Do something offensive? Laughable!", kind of way.

    Then I said: "No really. That's how much like a criminal I feel."
    And she smiled very warmly at me and said, "Eden, if K invited you to this party, you should feel honored. She never invites the independent contractors. She's seen you shine, that's why she likes you so much. You've shined in a way none of the others did."

    I was kind of surprised by that. It never occurred to me that this was a big deal. So on my way out the door, I made sure the Director knew... how "honored" I felt at her consideration of me.

    ;)

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  161. Hm, a natural salesperson. How old are you?

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  162. I DJ a bit to but its not that well paying. Sometimes I do it just for dinner. Most I've ever made was $400 a night doing it. Usually its around $150 and free drinks but I don't drink so I usually bring friends and get them smashed. Last thing I did was a helmut lang party.

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  163. Do you enjoy the music scene? How long have you djed? Would you say you're any good?

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  164. If you dont mmind my asking, how much do you make a year with your sales job?

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  165. I'm a little older than your husband. DJ'ed for 13 years. Yeah I love the music scene. Everyone says I'm good. I think the best barometer is how many people ask you what song you just played or if they give you positive comments on your mixing. If people start walking up asking for Usher you know you're in trouble.

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  166. ushers songs are better than any of the ones you've posted her.

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  167. Loll no kidding.
    What do you like about the music? I assume you play house or tTechno or whatever. (Istillcant tell the difference) and I just can't understand the appeal to that stuff. The only time iI ever liked it, which was short lived, I had to bbe on drugs. What's the draw of it? For you personally?

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  168. It commission based. I've done 6 figures each of the last 3 years. I usually request 15% of gross sales.

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  169. So what kind of place do you llive in? Are you a city person in a flat, or the home type? Do you own your own home?

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  170. No not much techno. People don't wanna hear that at the places I play. They do wanna dance though. It really varies. Some people just wanna stand around and get smashed and look pretty. I don't take requests. No proper DJ does.

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  171. So do you DJ at clubs, than or underground spots?

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  172. Do you know how much houses cost in Los Angeles? They're expensive even if you make six figures. I rent. I almost bought a house with my last GF but I was not ready to settle down. We did look at like 50 places though. We had 20% down and we're approved for a loan on the rest. LA is a town of massive sprawl. Its all suburbs really.

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  173. I will and have DJ'ed almost everywhere. Club, Barn, Basement. It helps that I have all the equipment.

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  174. So you live in la. I missed that, or forgot.
    So do you rent aa house, or a flat?

    ReplyDelete
  175. Oh shit. Her they come. 50 questions.

    MK, every time you start this shit up, I think of this scene from the movie Clueless

    ReplyDelete
  176. We're not dating anymore but we still talk everyday. I would not be surprised if we got back together. We dated for 10 years.

    ReplyDelete
  177. Yeah i'm trying to be accommodating with out giving too many specifics.

    ReplyDelete
  178. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete

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