Thursday, December 1, 2011

Thriving sociopaths at work

From a reader:
I'm a reader and I have been reading your blog for a couple of months. Since you seem to be very welcoming to readers, I decided to pitch this idea that came to me. I'm not sure I'm a psychopath, but I have a few traits I relate to, and it certainly affects the way I accomplish my job. I was curious to know how other sociopaths get by, so I made up this post.

We could cite a few individuals who achieved success in life: an accomplished career; a respected image; a strong family; security in wealth; a prestigious opinion.

Sociopaths have traits that set them apart from neurotypicals, like greater ease in face of prolonged stress, the backbone to make tough decisions, a keen eye for detail, a skeptical stance that freshens his/her view on others and a sincerity that can materialize changes around him/her.

Not all sociopathic traits work well for society's greater good. An utmost sense of individuality could be argued to fuel capitalism's invisible hand with providential effects, but so could fraud and corruption peak at catastrophic levels. The same individuals who were hired to promote change in big companies ended up achieving sole success at the expense of the system in the end line. Albeit personal success is a common goal for sociopaths and neurotypicals alike, legitimacy through the system can be a great way for a sociopath to trail his destiny.

Some job descriptions list sociopathic traits as valuable. Robert Hare advocates the use of the sociopathic courage in the police force and firefighting. It is common among them to suffer from PTSD, depression and anxiety after consecutive years under stress. Sociopaths, on the other hand, would suffer much less, maintaining good levels performances under such conditions.

Charm, sociability and appeal are listed traits for hosts, salesmen, lawyers and spokespersons. Are these career examples far fetched? Are there other legitimate careers that society looks high upon which sociopaths would inevitably succeed?

216 comments:

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  6. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8sNpup9zL0&sns=em

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  7. Too bad all the jobs sociopaths are 'good' at, are the ones that are most destructive towards society. You are all heavily self-deceived fools who wallow in your delusions, I mean that not as an insult, truly, I pity your lack of capacity for the truth. You are all stuck believing your own lies ENDLESSLY no matter how much evidence confutes it. You have cycles where you hide your fuckups enough, or convince others your mistakes aren't mistakes or at least not that bad, and keep up the facade, but it will never be more than that, a facade, a deceptive appearance. Sociopaths are incredibly delusional about themselves. YOU ARE DYSFUNCTIONAL. You look great on paper because you pathologically lie and since you have no self, there is nothing to verify the accuracy of a statement against. A great example was when ME bragged about how amazing he was doing at work, how amazing his ideas were, and how everyone is always so infinitely impressed with him. This is completely contradicted in a previous blog post about how they were fired from a company at the start of this blog for sociopathic behavior. They also mentioned how they subvert peoples complaints (which are probably legitimate issues that if solved would increase company productivity) and filibuster so things never get taken seriously and nothing is done about them.

    You poor creatures, you truly have no clue what you are really like, it is the complete opposite of what you think. Socios/psychos are simply narcissists who are further along the spectrum, your ego is more flexible and doesn't break in the same way, and you don't seek narcissistic supply as the end all of 'power'. You are fuckups, you are not these successful, highly advanced, more evolved creatures that you think you are. You are not only not better than others, you are very much worse off and dysfunctional. I have not seen any legitimate logic from either ME or Zhawq, or any other psycho/socio/narc, you rely on logical fallacies exclusively. I've been told many times I'm very logical, and I've realized that I'm also very emotional, and when I'm being logical I'm trying to verbalize and explain my emotions. I can't help but wonder if you lack logic because you lack the emotions. I often FEEL that things make sense first, then I try to explain why it feels that way, that is where I get my logic.

    Anyway, I have no reason to insult any of you in anyway, I know none of you could ever care, and I'm on a spiritual path where I aim to love everyone equally, even the monsters of the world. I know I'm wasting my time because you are deeply delusional and incapable of change, but I can't help myself sometimes.

    Anyway, you are all very very deeply wrong about how you are, sorry but its the truth. You are pure illusion, pure deception, so much so that you are fooled by yourself. Its very easy to get caught up in your words, people want to believe what they hear, especially if it sounds good. At the end of the day though, they are just words, and ME has said themselves, "I look great on paper" and this blog is nothing but digital paper.

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  8. I haven't seen any outright boasting from M.E. She comes off as humble, if anything. She says that she is smart, but that's not necessarily arrogant. I get the feeling that she is reluctant to be seen as arrogant.

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  9. Amazing

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0sCXgF_vOk

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  10. Drug use is more related to low self worth.

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  11. My girlfriend said that being a sociopath may be a step lower on the evolutionary scale, if you can say that. With his emotional world, the sociopath may be like one of the ape/men pictured as they show mans progress through evolution.

    However, in some things, the sociopath is far above even the most developed man.

    The sociopath can weather storms that would put an empath under his bed, cowering.

    The sociopath can offer solace unlike any empath ime.



    Are they only tied by cords of reason? That may be the primary difference. You can't touch the heart of a TRUE sociopath. However, that brings us to what is a true sociopath. I think there is a spectrum. However, there may be a drop off point where a sociopath has dropped off the face of the earth, in terms of being human. I think this is rare, if it exists, at all.

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  12. Sociopaths lack a key component in what makes a person human, empathy. Hence, the sub species thing.

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  13. I don't doubt sociopaths, the high functioning ones, are intelligent. It's the apathy and the anger and the sense of entitlement that holds them back. And the fucked up 1+1 =3 creative quantum math. It's a very nice creative out of the box way to think, but we live in a society of conformists with rules and laws. Fuck, society needs them! But the sociopath feels like an outsider.


    The smartest kids in school were the potheads. And they dealt it too. No doubt some are very high functioning socios.

    One's an aneasthesiologist. Pretty high stress. Perfect career choice. And God complex anyone?

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  14. Drug use is more related to low self worth.

    Sure, heavy addiction.

    Not all drug use. Lady Gaga uses it to create . I have a friend who has a problem child. He smoked some pot and wrote down possible solutions while free associating . It helped him think logically and creatively, which I'm not sure he as doing with all of the anxiety he had.

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  15. @Missus (getting back to you from last night, sorry I passed out).

    "Haven, do you find it to be worth it to have people you don't care about?"

    No, actually I don’t. I have a lack of object constancy so if I don’t really care about someone (hell, even if I do) they may as well not exist in my world if they’re not right in front of me.

    I do love the excitement, the rush is amazing… the problem is there’s always a crash and that’s pure devastation. I’m incredibly hard on myself when this happens and it’s very, very unhealthy. I’m trying to be a healthier person in general. I like the highs, but the lows just aren’t worth it yanno. Boring really does nothing for me. I’m trying to do what’s right for me (find some stability) but I find this just does not hold my interest. If you can’t push my buttons in some way I go looking for someone who can. Maybe I just have relationship ADD.
    Being resilient is one of the few things I think I have going for me. Very little affects me for too long. It just a matter of making it through that brief time.

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  17. /"If:

    They crave what will make them grow, it just scares them so they do drugs instead. They're trying to cheat.

    Then by transitive:

    "Haven craves what will make her grow, it just scares her so she does relationship drama instead. She's trying to cheat."" /



    Haven craves intimacy. It’s not that I’m trying to cheat it but it does scare me. I just don’t know how to handle it. The drama is a byproduct of how I try to protect myself I think. I don’t know how to let someone in and keep myself safe at the same time. Ultimately I believe people are out to hurt you or take advantage of you. That doesn’t stop the feelings of wanting to be close to someone though. I allow someone to get just so close to me before I pull back. I pull back when I feel they’re getting too close and there’s a possibility that I can have any vulnerability exposed. Most people don’t operate like this though. They keep falling forward, even after I’ve abruptly stepped on the brakes (sometimes they don’t realize), which makes me feel guilty. I don’t try to hurt people, so I think it’s better they don’t get involved with me, I’ll break things off, find someone else to play with who’s less close and therefore safer, etc., but I want to be close at the same time, so I’m afraid of losing them, at which point I move back in. It’s just this constant back and forth of me trying to find where I’m comfortable

    It’s like shopping for love on a lay away plan. I’ll just make little installments when I’m ready… unfortunately by the time I finally can pay it off, the style of the season has changed.

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  19. I've been told many times I'm very logical

    By highly illogical people, undoubtedly.

    Here's some legitimate logic for you, Anon:

    (p ∨ (¬q ↑ r) ↑ ((r ⇒ q) ↑ p) ≣ r ⇒ p ⟺ q

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  20. smoking weed is for pathetic slackers. i never touched weed in my life. i'm completely against it.

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  21. As for the post:

    Are there other legitimate careers that society looks high upon which sociopaths would inevitably succeed?

    That’s the thing. I don’t think any generic personality type can be said to inevitably succeed at anything. Success isn’t inevitable for anyone. I don’t see how it could be.

    Having said that, of course some general personal types will theoretically do better at some jobs than others. But beyond that, it’s best to take individual strengths and weaknesses into account before speculating on how well they will do in any given occupation. After all, every human is slightly different, which despite popular opinion, includes sociopaths. No two humans are 100% identical. Even our brains are as unique as our fingerprints. We’re all special snowflakes. ~

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  22. when you feel superior, you want the world to know.

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  23. Hey James-bend over, someone wants to buy a bag.

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  24. Special snowflakes I like that. I think you have to follow what you love, as best as you can. It is hard if what you love is out there, by society's standards. However, when you love what you do, your life has a happiness and a reward that is yours alone.

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  25. Hey James
    Can you give me steps to put heroin in my ass so it does not come out and burn me.

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  26. There is no such thing as logic. Strong people can bend logic to fit themselves.

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  27. @Anon 6:48

    The plant has been stigmatized by an extensive propaganda campaign over the years, it is built it to the culture that it is evil and will ruin your life while alcohol with its deleterious health effects and social consequences, tells people through advertisements that if you drink it you will get hot women and look good on the beach. Explains why you HATE it so much. try the grocery store, frozen food section. I hear there are some HOT chicks there for you. BTW...while you are at it, you should throw out all your CDs.. actually no, I'm sure you still run tapes. So throw your tapes out because the music world is full of drug/cannabis tokers.

    Have a nice day

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  28. Post:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pX4fog2rsAo

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  29. Michael Martin PlunkettDecember 1, 2011 at 8:31 AM

    pothead got provoked haha

    why not take both pot and booze go well together if ya really wanna be out there take some barbs too no need to drink so much no hangover

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  30. You call it being provoked, I call it educating. Not all people have access to information. ;)

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  31. y dont ya do cabonated monsta bomb w/ jello shot , put up ass and get mellow yet coheeernt

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  32. To be opposed to marijuana - in particular - is to say you are opposed to all things natural. Numerous studies have shown the positive health benefits of it's use. It is immoral to limit access to such a simple, harmless substance when it... is able to improve the life of the individual. If you are concerned about drugs that harm people turn your energy toward making nicotine and alcohol illegal.

    Humans have cannabis receptors. We are built to utilize the active ingredients of marijuana. It is not for fear of harm that might befall the individual or society that has made it illegal. For it does not harm either. It is because of greed that it was outlawed and greed is the reason it is still illegal.

    Anyone who does some honest, open-minded research will see that prohibition of cannabis has only harmed us. If it were legal almost every product we use would be cheaper. Our lives could be so much better in many ways. When i consider the good things it has to offer it is hard to imagine that the negative aspects could outweigh the positive.

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  33. I think they used to give it to hysterical people, like lithium, or sumpthing

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  34. jah back when they wanted to shut bitches up for being hysterical

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  35. I suggest you leave your judgements and opinions at the door. this blog is for thinking men only. Bitches git

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  36. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  37. what does suffering lead to?

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  38. http://www.bltc.com/buddhism-suffering.html

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  39. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  40. yeah, get rid of him. He's/She's the object you need to purge.

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  41. Hey James
    Can you give me steps to put heroin in my ass so it does not come out and burn me.



    LOL

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  42. Maybe the spammer will spam the last post lol

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  43. Haven

    It really is a nasty push and pull isn't it? I swear I could meet Mr. Perfect and I would purposely put him through the ringer almost as a test. By the time he would gain clearance, I would be over him.

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  44. Why do you do that, Sweetcheeks? Can you put it in to words, or not?

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  45. Caroline

    I suppose it is a mixture of reasons. I am unsure if I can experience true intimacy, so the games and infatuation are all I really have to keep interest. In a way, the games help fuel the infatuation.

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  46. True intimacy starts with a true intimacy with oneself which is very hard because we have to accept all parts of ourselves. As easy as this sounds, verbally, it is very, very hard, I think.

    Do you agree with what I am saying, Sweetcheeks?

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  47. It really is Sweets. I'm not really sure how to get over it. My therapist basically tells me to take it one day at a time and try not to overthink things. Which, let me tell you, is pretty much impossible. idk. We'll see.

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  48. Caroline

    I would say that is correct, although, there are some people that will never be able to experience certain bonds with other people know matter the level of self awareness.

    Haven

    One day at a time is a good way to deal with it. If you figure it out, let me know~

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  49. @Haven
    This is my honest reaction to what your therapist said. You are PAYING money for that tripe lol


    I hate when friends give me platitudes. I want to punch them in the face lol
    Everyone knows those answers. How do they help?

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  50. Haven

    Do you have a hard time being completely honest with your therapist at times?

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  51. Haven, I feel the same way about my relationships and do exactly the same thing. My therapist says the same thing too. Sometimes you are close to certain people, sometimes you are not.

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  52. You act like you have some extensive knowledge of psychiatry from being a psych nurse caroline. You really don't need that much expertise in being one. I found out several months ago that my father used to be a psych nurse when he was being trained in England. I guess it's compulsory to getting the license for his profession. We were talking about history and he brought up some dictators. He said that they are psychopaths and that psychopaths are murdering liars. He said that he used to have run ins with them in the psych hospital and that one of them charmed some psych nurse into marrying him. I asked how the marriage went and he said that she got beat up all the time.

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  53. Correction *Psychology not psychiatry*

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  54. Green Machine, I smoke weed all the time, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that humans are built to smoke weed. That is ridiculous.

    wv:untale

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  55. Yes Green Machine, people also have opiate receptors, you know.

    All drugs have receptors, THAT'S WHY THEY WORK.

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  56. Lady Gaga didn't do drugs to make her creative. She did them because she was depressed:

    "I was so unhappy," she explained. "Yeah. I think that I was lonely and there was something about the drugs that made me feel like I had a friend…I didn't do it with other people. I did it alone. I did it all alone in my apartment and I wrote music and you know what, I regret every line I ever did...."

    Source

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  57. @Sweets

    Yeah, I'm definitely not 100% honest with my therapist. I hold back even with her and keep my secrets. It's close though, I'd say I'm about 90% honest (the 10% is stuff I withhold, not stuff I fabricate), but 50% emotionally inhibited.

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  58. If people were honest with their therapists the therapist wouldn't have a job.

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  59. Ukan, I am not bragging, just talking.

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  60. Eh, I think Gaga plays up and romanticizes her drug usage to seem more 1980s lower east side.

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  61. Ukan, I am just trying to figure out my own life, not show I know things lol

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  62. Lower east side of what? Are you talking about heroin chic?

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  63. She is kinda reviving the 80's Glam thing, so I'd say it at least fits with the image she's portraying.

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  64. Why what's going on in your own life?

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  65. I am your average co-dependent, I guess, but I won't share specific details after seeing what has happened to other people, such as you.

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  66. Sweet, that's a cop out. Anyone can develop to a deep level of being intimate with someone. For some people it's just harder. I think Eden could be intimate with someone, it would just be a monumental feat for her with all the emotions she would have to pull out in order to feel truly connected to someone. And for her, I don't doubt that she'll want or need to be older for intimacy. But to say that some people just can't be that intimate is an excuse, and I think you use it as a sort of justification for yourself.

    Haven, I think whatever you can't be honest to your therapist about shows that you have protected areas that you don't yet want to be honest with yourself about. And that relates directly to your feelings toward insignificant others.

    Intimacy takes time. And Caroline psych speal is right, though detached. You have to be aable to feel a lot of things that you've not necessarily paid attention to. With your being a borderline, I imagine there are strange feelings that have come up from your general uniqueness that may be difficult to admit to yourself.

    Everyone has alienating issues from their past somewhere, and most people don't know about them. Facing them, and then allowing someone else to see them is where intimacy finds any of its real value. If you had nothing to hide, intimacy wouldn't matter. So its just a process of learning how to find the things you hide. It sounds like your therapist is close, but you aren't ready.

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  67. Caroline, you got onto your text book. I can't say I don't do it, but you went into nurse mode, almost. Like teachers tend to have a teacher voice.

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  68. Nothing happened to me, so if you are here to figure it out why don't you just come out with it.

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  69. Heroin chic was more of a 90s thing.

    80s was coke.

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  70. Missus Kanney
    I don't try to go in to nurse mode lol It is just something that is part of me like singing would be part of a singer. I happened to study it, but I would be a natural psychologist, without it.

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  71. Missus, you're definitely right in that I have a lot of areas in myself that I'm still protecting. My Detached Protector my therapist calls it.

    Along with my BPD diagnosis I also have a Dissociative Disorder which makes figuring out my emotions rather tough. It's like trying to figure out how I'm feeling through someone else's body. It's odd. It also probably contributes to why I can be so very logical. I'm either all in emotions, or all out of them. I'm working on reconnecting these parts so I can experience them as an integrated whole.

    I'm actually very good at admitting things to myself if it seems objectively accurate. It's connect the cognitive knowledge with the emotional feedback that I have a problem with. It's often disconnected.

    "Everyone has alienating issues from their past somewhere, and most people don't know about them. Facing them, and then allowing someone else to see them is where intimacy finds any of its real value."

    I like this.

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  72. I had Co dependancy issues because my dad was an alcoholic and tended toward violence. He was generally controlling, and very sensitive. And i suspect bipolar. He quit drinking when i was in around fourth grade, maybe sooner, I don't remember. It made me very reserved, and i craved a lot of attention, but was always daunted to receive any. I've learned to use that and grow past it, though I still struggle with some residual issues from aspects of it that i wont go into.

    See. That's not so hard.

    Lol. I'm ciara and I'm a codependent.

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  73. Everyone has alienating issues from their past somewhere, and most people don't know about them. Facing them, and then allowing someone else to see them is where intimacy finds any of its real value.

    I like that, too. Very true.

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  74. Everyone has alienating issues from their past somewhere, and most people don't know about them. Facing them, and then allowing someone else to see them is where intimacy finds any of its real value. If you had nothing to hide, intimacy wouldn't matter. So its just a process of learning how to find the things you hide


    This is brilliant but here is the rub, in my opinion. Very few people, therapists, included can really deal with someones deepest issues. It is a exceptional person who knows how to allow a person to unfold. If one finds this person, one can heal.


    The larger rub is that this person must be healed to greater degree than you are, in order to help you. That is rare, again.


    You can have a million degrees from Harvard and not be able to help anyone heal. You can be a simple janitor with life's wisdom and allow many people to heal.


    Education means little to being a healer. It is just the ticket to get in the door, in my opinion.

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  75. there is absolutely nothing sexy about taking drugs, or smoking. i look down on people who indulge in them.

    you only have to open a magazine, or look at tumblr and you see countless images of self deprecation. the glamorization of drugs, tattoos, atheism. it's like some horribly warped trend, as if the whole world is on a mission to destroy themselves and to get out of their lives, or reality as quick as possible.

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  76. Lol! Wtf? He thinks drug use and atheism is a trend.

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  77. of course the use of drugs are a trend, just as an eating disorder is merely a trend.

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  78. generation x = giant self depreciation orgy that should be wiped out.

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  79. I don't mind the tattoo thing anymore. It's a cultural trend in the same way that neck rings that make you look like a giraffe have been popular for centuries in certain Asian and African tribes. It's about the perception of beauty, as well as a bit of self-promotion. I don't think it's much deeper than that even for the old-school cultures. It's all just ways for people to create themselves in a more ideal form.


    Pure atheism is fine, but the kind that gets to me is the reactionary 'God is dead' kind. The kind that only exists as a disparaging of it's opposite. Or the kind that says God doesn't exist because it can't be proven by science (which I often believe in itself is just another form of religion, but that's a another topic), or by whatever other prevailing cultural language happens to be popular at the time.

    "Your religion is absurd, therefore God is dead." Negative-space atheism. Eh.

    Atheism doesn't have to exist as merely a negation of something else, but these PoMo hipsters can't see that far, I guess.

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  80. I smoke weed, have tatoos, and don't believe in anything. What does that have to do with self deprecation?

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  81. I have zero tattoos for the same reason that I refuse to wear clothes with words on them.

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  82. tattoos are basically a lump of dirt that's under your skin. i'd never hire someone with tattoos.

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  83. Tattoos represent experiences. They are older than your prejudices.

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  84. Do you smoke a lot of weed, Ukan? It is easy to depend on substances for pain relief or boredom relief, or whatever.

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  85. Eh, weak argument, anon. Cosmetics is basically dirt you put on your face. A haircut is basically self-mutilation. American food is basically dirt you put in your digestive system. A car is basically a machine that puts dirt in your lungs. etc. etc.

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  86. I enjoy tattoos and I see it as living art with the flesh as the canvas.

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  87. Is that coming from experience, Caroline?

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  88. @medusa


    those things are socially accepted. i'm a conformist. when your me you can look down from your mountain of pride, at the ants.

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  89. Tattoos are statements. Its a facet of society you place yourself into if you get one or more. They're a simile to braces, as well Medusa to support your neck ring argument. Its a way of distinguishing yourself for your identity, and for mating purposes, or other such social uses you seek or make.

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  90. everyone cconforms, you just conform to a larger, more nondescript whole. That doesn't mean you can look down, that just means you'll always be average and your value will always be limited. Society values unique skills more highly when they are more beneficial.

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  91. those things are socially accepted. i'm a conformist. when your me you can look down from your mountain of pride, at the ants.

    Translation:

    I'm ordinary, but have delusions of grandeur. When your me, you have to create fantasies about yourself of being great, and try to convince others.

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  92. Look around, anon, get with the program. Tattoos are now socially accepted as well. It's completely mainstream for anyone under 40. No one gives a shit anymore, except the elderly.

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  93. Ukan I am VERY careful about any drugs, alcohol included. It is a slippery slope and I respect it. I never was addicted. I could be, though. Anyone with pain could be.
    That is why is it easy, as I said.

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  94. No one gives a shit anymore, except the elderly.

    And mums that don't want little Paddy to grow up.

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  95. And did you pay the troll toll?

    Fork it over, dude.

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  96. So what drugs have you done?

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  97. And did you pay the troll toll?

    I'll buy him a ticket. Trolls are welcome in my books. Keeps it entertaining.

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  98. hardly, medusa. the upper class will always have fervent distaste for tattoos.

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  99. I have not done drugs because I always respected the power of them.

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  100. society will always have a filter and rightly so. i'm glad that people hang themselves with the dim decisions they make.

    example -- a rap artist will never be taken seriously in politics, due to his background. life is a game perception.

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  101. game of perception

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  102. What did you use for your pain instead?

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  103. ukan, you can always get your tattoos removed.

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  104. a rap artist will never be taken seriously in politics

    Yet they are holding events to get people to vote in the states and putting political messages in lyrics. Young people will listen to music artists before they listen to boring people like you. Rap artists didn't make a bad decision if they are getting rich doing it. How much money do you have compared to Jay-Z. He bought his own basketball team.

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  105. A rap artist will never be understood by politicians... that's why tthey fail society.

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  106. ukan, you can always get your tattoos removed.

    Is that what you do with your past? Regret it?

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  107. @Ukan I know it sounds trite but when you help people, it lifts you up. I get a lot of happiness from that. So, I do simple things like that, exercise and I sing.

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  108. @ukan


    my decisions aren't based on emotion, sir. never have i had my own individual style, i just wear and do as i'm supposed to.

    sure, when i was young man, i got teased for being a sloppy dresser and i sank into a deep state of depression because of it. i swore to myself that i wouldn't be attacked again.

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  109. Wow anon that sounds like a pretty shitty existence.

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  110. Snappy dresser anon is lying

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  111. If you are sad and you help someone, you feel better. However, what is ever more powerful is if you try to help and give, as a general lifestyle, expecting nothing, then, when you are hurting, you will be given back what you gave out. It may come from a totally unexpected place but it WILL come. It is a spiritual law. Spiritual laws are as real as natural ones, such as gravity. You just can't see them, obviously lol

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  112. my decisions aren't based on emotion, sir.



    sure, when i was young man, i got teased for being a sloppy dresser and i sank into a deep state of depression because of it. i swore to myself that i wouldn't be attacked again.

    Good example. I guess next you will tell me that you never contradict yourself except when you're lying through your teeth.

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  113. @sweet

    it has it's up's and downs. i do realize i'm completely hollow.

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  114. If you are sad and you help someone, you feel better


    So you help people because you are hurting inside? I guess that means if I make you feel sorry for me, I can get you to do what I want. As long as you feel like it's helping not being told what to do.

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  115. Caroline, you can't help people valuable unless you are enough developed to do so. You said so yourself with psychs. So theoretically, I have a better a hot at being a good therapist than you because even if I am brutal, distanced and distinguish boundaries, I am more developed in myself. I'm able to excel because I'm able to move past caring what people think and toward my development. People who try to help people end up in religions following someone who's actually useful trying to find themselves uses. Although it is a great and blissful existance, its debasing to yourself, and settling for mediocrity. Everyone likes to make people happy. That's why if you can make tough decisions, you can do it on a far greater scale. Being empathize isn't what people need. Everyone can be that. That has low value by its supply.

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  116. I try to use wisdom, Ukan, but I have been hurt for giving too much. It is worse to be so closed that you never give. It is a balance one must try to learn. One will never do it, perfectly, either. If I get hurt, I get hurt. It won't kill me, or hasn't so far, but maybe you would be the case where it would lol

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  117. Missus Kanney you need a balance between hard and soft. Too much either way is not good. You need both empathy and tough love, you could say, but empathy is not the right word. Understanding and kindness are. However, one will never be perfect in the balance because one is flawed.

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  118. Balance is something I'm developing...
    With people I care about.
    Patients, I care about.
    Pupils, friends, teachers, acquaintances, etc.
    I've learned how not to care about everyone. Its important.

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  119. I am trying, very hard, to erect boundaries. Inside them, I want to take care of my mind, soul and emotions, first, before I try to take care of other people. I was raised not to do this, so it is very hard to break this ingrained habit. I feel like I am being selfish when I love and take care of myself. That would be my biggest issue, since UKan asked me what my issues were. That would be number one.

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  120. "i do realize i'm completely hollow"

    How can someone exist being completely hollow? Something has to make you tick.

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  121. So tell us about your code pendant history?

    WV: nurds
    Another one I wish i had a use for!

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  122. So your people pleasing is your vice not your strength, wouldn't you agree?

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  123. @Ukan my vice is my ego, in the various forms of which it manifests. Needing approval would be one. Wanting someone to make me feel like I am OK would be another. Ideally, I would not need that. That is what I am striving for.

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  124. those things are socially accepted. i'm a conformist. when your me you can look down from your mountain of pride, at the ants.



    i do realize i'm completely hollow.

    Wow. Didn't take long to make you topple did it. A hour and a half. How does it feel to be crawling with the ants?

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  125. On the contrary, I think your vice is a lack of ego. If you had a identity you wouldn't need people to fill in the blanks. Did you notice some people thought you were fake? That's a tell tale sign. Needing approval and praise for your deeds is another.

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  126. hkjhgiugiguiglugu


































































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    hjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj




































































































    rtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

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  127. Yes, needing praise and approval is a vice. I agree. I fit co-dependency.

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  128. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKxEjlJwDSs&sns=em

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  129. "If you had a identity you wouldn't need people to fill in the blanks."

    Isn't that what you and your wife do for eachother? That's what you said, anyways...

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  130. Lol. You keep pulling that back up because you misunderstand the concept.

    You pull it out like self actualization makes people perfect, and it doesn't.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Happy world AIDS day! :D

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  132. Why isn't there a Personality Disorder Day.

    Or is that Halloween.

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  133. Codependent ListmaniaDecember 1, 2011 at 3:53 PM

    CO-DEPENDENCE
    Denial patterns:
    -I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
    -I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
    -I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
    -I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
    -I label others with my negative traits.
    -I can take care of myself without any help from others.
    -I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
    -I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
    -I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted.

    Low self-esteem patterns:
    -I have difficulty making decisions.
    -I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
    -I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
    -I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
    -I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
    -I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
    -I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve.
    -I am jealous of the relationships between others I would like to have as my own.
    -I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake.
    -I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good.
    -I perceive myself as superior to others.
    -I look to others to provide my sense of safety.
    -I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
    -I have trouble setting healthy priorities.

    Avoidance patterns:
    -I act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward me.
    -I judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
    -I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance.
    -I allow my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships.
    -I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
    -I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery.
    -I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
    -I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away.
    -I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than myself.
    -I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.
    -I withhold expressions of appreciation.

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  134. Missus K How do you define self actualization, in practical terms?

    ReplyDelete
  135. October 10th: World Mental Health Day.

    'Nuff said.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Codependent Listmania said...December 1, 2011 at 3:57 PM

    MORE

    Compliance patterns:
    -I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
    -I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
    -I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
    -I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
    -I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
    -I accept sex and/or sexual attention when I want love.
    -I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
    I make decisions without regard to the consequences.
    -I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.

    Control patterns:
    -I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
    -I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
    -I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
    -I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
    -I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
    -I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
    -I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
    -I demand that my needs be met by others.
    -I use charm and charisma to convince others of my capacity to be caring and compassionate.
    -I use blame and shame to emotionally exploit others.
    -I refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.
    -I adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
    -I have obsessive, compulsive thinking patterns and cannot focus on daily activities.
    -I use terms of recovery in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
    -I pretend to agree with others to get what I want.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Consciously acting and determining g your future from what you've discovered from your subconscious. Using your traits to your favor by knowing your human aspects or faults, as well as your strengths. Being able to express desires you used to hide, or bringing forward aspects you uused to suppress. Balancing social demands with personal needs.

    ReplyDelete
  138. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Lsjtmq69Zs&sns=em

    ReplyDelete
  139. Consciously acting and determining g your future from what you've discovered from your subconscious. Using your traits to your favor by knowing your human aspects or faults, as well as your strengths. Being able to express desires you used to hide, or bringing forward aspects you uused to suppress. Balancing social demands with personal needs.


    That sounds good. Got a pill for it lol

    ReplyDelete
  140. Three people, one of whom was a codependent, were in line to be executed at the guillotine. The first person stuck his head in the hole, the rope was cut, and the blade fell, only to stop an inch above the person's neck. The executioners saw it as a sign from God and so decided to let the person go.

    The next person put his head in the hole, the rope was cut, and again, the blade stopped an inch above the person's neck. That person, too, was released.

    As the codependent walked up for his turn at the guillotine, he turned to the executioner and said: "You know, I think I know how to fix that."

    ReplyDelete
  141. Darn I missed the tattoo discussion. I love those.

    Caroline have you ever thought about looking into Schema Therapy? I just wrote up a bit on Self-Sacrifice the other day. You seem to fit that.

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  142. I find art helps a lot. Growing as an artist is a good motivation for discovering yourself. Discovering what makes you unique. Having a larger motivation of what you can offer the world is more gratifying.

    ReplyDelete
  143. Speaking of art, Haven, I really enjoy the pictures on your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  144. Aw thanks Sweets =) I used to have a Tumblr I ran alongside it, but my attention span didn't last long enough for that. I love picking the pics I find.

    I agree that art is incredibly helpful in self discovery though. I draw, I paint, I write. It's all part of the process of discovering and expressing who I am.

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  145. One of the struggles I have is making time for myself as a mom to do things like that. I feel like all my mental energy goes to my job and my kid and doing crafts with him and whatnot.

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  146. Honestly that's one of the {billion} reasons I don't want kids. My lifestyle, frankly, is too selfish. I don't want to give up the time I have for someone else 100% of the time.

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  147. Caroline have you ever thought about looking into Schema Therapy?


    Please tell me about it!

    ReplyDelete
  148. Here Caroline... I've been writing a lot about it the past few weeks. This will give you an overview of Schema Therapy

    ReplyDelete
  149. Yeah Haven, kids are definitely a challenge. My son is a bundle of energy lately and I am having a hard time keeping up LOL. He is asking a lot of questions at this stage of "Why is this...?" and "What is that?" "How do you spell...?"

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  150. Thanks Haven
    I will look.

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  151. What if you want to keep your identity unknown

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  152. Answer: As obvious as your namesake.

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  153. You guys should liven up the forum sometimes.

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  154. wooooooooo cats in hats!

    ReplyDelete
  155. I need a new tv show to watch any suggestions? I just caught up on Dexter. I tried watching season one of weeds and big love on tvduck but all the links are dead:(

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  156. Thanks I will check it out. I remember seeing one episode in the past that was interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  157. You're the one with the retarded cat picture.

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  158. Yes that's me. Sorry I did not pick some hard ass sociopath caricature.

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  159. Eden what's with the blood drinking german goth band?

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  160. I won't go to the forum on principal.

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  161. Not at all. Just thought you were some other retard, when I saw it.

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  162. I think Mcnulty (The Wire) is the poster boy for a psychopathic cop. You have to laugh at how much shite he causes for the department. Has anyone else seen it?

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  163. I thought it was funny, UKan.

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  164. I just googled blood drinking german goth band. Nothing. The Wire links are dead too. I need to find a new site.

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  165. I watched the whole series, in like, a week.

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  166. It was pretty funny. I wonder what goes on in these people's head.

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  167. yes please. I really don't wanna download anything.

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  168. Yeah I think it took me two weeks. My favorite series by far.

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  169. Tom Arnold is on tv talking about being anally raped.

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  170. Careful Kitty when talking about anal rape around here, it tends to get people excited LOL

    Eden

    Guess what I watched the other night... "Bye Bye Birdie". I figured I would branch out a little and watch a musical ;)

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  171. Was it good, Sweets? I've never seen it.

    ReplyDelete
  172. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s492PMdIaJs

    ReplyDelete
  173. I would love to hear/read any and all anal rape stories S.

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  174. Eden

    I thought it was corny. I prefer Grease.

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  175. I'll skip it then. But I will take you up on that other offer. Booze, horror, and pjs.

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  176. I'll give you an anal rape story. But first you have to show me your hole.

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  177. Let me get to know you a lil bit 1st.

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  178. That's how she gets to know people

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  179. That link you posted about summoning satan reminds me of this time I challenged someone. He was arguing with me about the existence of god and satan so I told him, lets get a oujia board or a circle going and cal him and see if he comes to join us. I stated "If he shows up, you right and if he doesn't, I am right."

    He gave me the "what the hell is the matter with you look" and doesn't bother arguing about it with me anymore.

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  180. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete

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