Monday, October 4, 2010

Asexual sociopath

Sam Vaknin often describes narcissists as being essentially asexual in nature, and literary sociopath Tom Ripley is perhaps best described as also being "asexual" rather than bisexual. I have expressed my own opinions about how a sociopath's sense of sexuality can seem fuzzy, and asked a female sociopath reader to describe her own sexuality, or asexuality, as it turns out:
If I had to label myself, I'd be A-sexual (this is what I generally tell people if they ask). I am attracted to both sexes, but not because I want to have sex with them, though I do sometimes engage in the act of fornication. I adore women. They are sexy, soft, delicate, and so easy to use. But being a very feminine looker myself, it's equally easy to target men, who I happen to find attractive for their muscles, ruggedness, and animalistic tendencies. Woman are wonderful because they are the embodiment of nurturing, and when I don't feel like being a hard-ass, I can cuddle with a soft woman, and put my mind at ease, as long as they aren't constantly talking. Men are wonderful because I am pretty aggressive, and I love the power and strength that oozes out of the way they carry themselves. Sexually, they are equal really. I only want one thing, and both sexes supply it sufficiently. Relationship wise, I can tolerate women longer, but I'd more than likely venture elsewhere due to boredom, and their petty needs. They get too deep, too personal.

Though sexually perverted, I have not had sex that often. My drive in regular sex is close to non-existent, I hate the closeness in it all. If not obvious seduction, which is rare, my way of reeling them in is humor, and charisma. I am the regular funny, clever person that gets everyone around me talking. I only get cat-like in my movements when I have a specific target. I often imagined what it would be like if I were a man. I would be able to feel her insides, and drain her sexually, and emotionally as well as physically, and experience the best sexual high while sucking the life out of her. Like a parasite I want to get deep inside a woman, and spread my seeds into every orfice of her body until she deteriorates from the inside out. As a woman, I don't feel that empowerment. I don't leave anything, literal, in any of my subjects to drain them. Mentally, emotionally, of course. The deterioration is obvious. But I don't get to feel them deteriorating. I just see it. What is sex like for a male sociopath, I wonder?

Growing up it was very confusing to be me. I identified more with the boys I grew up with, rough housing, manipulating, getting in trouble, bad mouthing. I have rough exteriors, and was a serious (still am) tomboy. I joke saying I'm a male in a very obvious female body, and those who know me never describe me as dainty, or girly. My mother just wanted her daughter to be a girl, and I knew I was, but didn't like the typical girl characteristics. I tried to be girly, and felt out of place. I was masculine, but still to in touch with my femininity to deny it completely. I didn't know what gay was until I was in high school, but by then I was so awkward that my sexuality didn't seem to matter anymore. I was just trying to deal with my personality, trying to fit in, the usual story with sociopaths. I didn't know anything about personality disorders until I was diagnosed with one. I was more into the idea of sexuality before high school, and once I started school, the interest in sex just vanished. It became more of a need for domination, control, and manipulation with a side-dish of "lets see what I can get away with", than sex games teenagers usually get wrapped up in. I definitely identify more with men mentally, and physically, but not enough to want to be one permanently. Being a female definitely has its advantages though. I wouldn't change that for the world. I can turn men to putty, and take them for everything that they are worth without breaking a sweat. But to experience being one, for at least a week, would really make me happy. I would have a certain something that is mine, and not sparkly pink with a few straps and a harness.

I do envy you fellas sometimes...

Trying to find myself, what sex I identified with, who I preferred, how to look, dress, and act, came to a still once I stopped trying to give myself a label. Once I was honest with myself, and stopped trying so damn hard to fit in or hide, I became free. I heard the sociopath term before with past psychiatrists, but didn't apply it deeply into myself until going to your site. Now it's easy like Sunday morning. I fight constantly with impulses to harm, but there are stabilizing influences in my life, so I am behaving, for the most part. I want hook-ups later in exchange for good behavior.

As far as I'm concerned I am a person who is fluid with any sex as long as they give me what I want, entertainment, and of course, lots of goodies.

118 comments:

  1. However, "asexual" means having no desire for sex whatsoever.

    "Third gender" I think is the more appropriate term.

    Semantics aside, I can definitely identify with much of this post.

    I've always seen myself as genderless, and never really felt like one or the other, though I am generally much more comfortable around men than women, platonically speaking.

    There are certain very male things about me that have always been there.

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    1. asexual doesn't mean no sexual drive at all-- it states little to no sex drive-- Im both asexual. and anti soci.... I identify w this post in many areas-- sex as used as a tool rather than anything else--- I haven't pref nor is there any drive that needs to be fulfilled for myself. prefer non of the extras with a relationship-- down right hate it.

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  2. I find it interesting that she found it so difficult to fit in during her high school years. Is this a difficulty that all sociopaths have faced, or is the ability to blend into social settings something that comes naturaly to most even from an early age?

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  3. I'm generally the same, though probably more in a feminine direction.

    "What is sex like for a male sociopath, I wonder?" It's very mechanical, for me. It's a matter of hitting the right buttons, at the right times, over and over. I'm unconcerned with my own orgasm because it's old news. I get no thrill from it beyond the physical. All I'm after is that intoxicating noise other people make, and those faces. Most call me "attentive".

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  4. @ Postmodern Sociopath, I have been wondering for awhile now what sex is like for you guys.
    I even emailed ME about it.
    What you just described makes so much sense with my own experiences with the two sociopaths I've been involved with.
    Thanks, that's good to know.

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  5. @PMS

    Surely you actually mean Anally Retentive? x

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  7. If sociopaths don't feel anything during sex, why do it at all? I am aware that promiscuity is a common trait listed in the DSM-IV (I think that is the version), but if what the reader, and Postmodern, state is true about not really liking it for the sex, Postmodern stating he doesn't reach orgasm nor need to, what's the point in bothering at all. Is it only physical? Is it an attempt at feeling? Any other sociopaths feel free to chime in and school me, this is interesting

    P.s. The reader sounds like a future rapist. Kinda glad she isn't a man...

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    1. we all as humans have primitive biological needs that needs to be fulfilled---sex is one of them along side hunger, etc--- the context of 'no feelings' means just sexually - excluding the other needs of what most would call "normative" individuals... sex drive can b fulfilled and we walk away-- I use people as a masturbation tool versus anything else.. like emotional balancing or mental nurturing or companionship etc---- which usually that's an easier way to describe what I is occurring-- at least for me. hope this helps...

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  8. I didn't say I didn't reach it, Jesse. I certainly do, and then some. It's just not my primary concern.

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  9. Oh....so...you do enjoy it to some extent? That's why you continue to do it though you don't really need it?

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    1. I enjoy it-- because I have sexual drive that needs to be met-- I personally can do it myself or use human masturbation--- as I have approachd my 40's my drive is controlled differently and my reasons for sex have gotton toned down severely as I confront myself and the perils of this disorder but before I knew, I was a punisher and enjoyed watching punishment & humiliation during sex-- it was a requirement nearly.(late teens-early 20s) uncontrolled-- otherwise it would be strictly for some type of gain like money, possession of the individual, etc... never for normative reasoning like companionship or to express love. I ddnt get love expressed through emotion so there's no way I could reciprocate it ever. I can only model what I think is going on in a situation and that gets very tiring after a while-- because especially you are faking. Further, the other person has u and they are satisfied and you aren't-- so you resent them and then ultimately hurt them without recourse, emotionally and ultimately physically.

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    2. The Somatic narcissist and the psychopath use their partners' bodies to masturbate with and their sexual conquests serve merely to prop up their wavering self-confidence (somatic narcissist) or to satisfy a physiological need (psychopath). The somatic narcissist and psychopath have no sexual playmates - only sexual playthings. Having conquered the target, they discard it, withdraw and move on heartlessly

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  10. Yeah, but I also enjoy going for walks and reading.

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  11. Lol, oh, okay. That's way different from sex, but whatever works for you.

    Wow, sex to you is like reading a book, or going for walks? Hmm, never heard it that way before...to me it's way different. Sex is definitely better, but we all are different I guess.

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  12. Last time I had sex it was awesome. I couldn't imagine comparing that to a book.

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  13. I suppose sex just another tool in a sociopaths inventory which is used for eventual personal gain. But I'm sure that many of them must enjoy it as much as the next person.

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  14. That's true. The body likes what it likes.

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  15. PS, will you go on long walks on the beach and watch the sunset with me as you read out loud a scene from 12th Night?

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  16. Hah. Anytime, no one, though I am more a fan of Roman poetry, in the original Latin.

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  17. Should it be 'pansexual' rather than 'asexual'?

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  18. Its all mechanical until it whistles for PMS. Once the whistle blows its game time.

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  19. PostModernSociopathOctober 4, 2010 at 12:34 PM

    Toot toot.

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  20. A future rapist? Well thats the problem explaining sociopath's sexuality isn't it? If it isn't all hugs and rainbows in your mind Jesse, then it's rape.
    For some reason I've gone through a lot of relationships thinking that sex was about the orgasm for empathetic people. Apparently (correct me if I'm wrong)I found a few months ago that they want feeling and connection. The orgasm is secondary. For me the other persons orgasm is the most entertaining part. Its me making someone do something significant. It's power and it's powerful.
    You remind me of a fling with a lesbian girl I had once, author. She always was asking what it would be like to be a male having sex with a female. Believe me no matter what you are or what you do you will suffer eventually from boredom.
    Young sociopaths are sexual deviants. I found I calmed down recently at 29. I need to, because I need to build a family.

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  21. UKan, why do you need to build a family?

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  22. Does that not make sense?

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  23. Makes perfect sense to me, UKan. That's the main reason I want kids when I get around to settling down.

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  24. Make sure you settle at the right time. Too early and you will make a big muck of things.
    There's two plans for my immortality: The Singularity Movement and children.

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  25. What are your thoughts on the Singularity? Most of the people (i.e., nerds) I've talked to are a bit too saccharine and idealistic about it for me to take them seriously.

    On a less vague note, would you prefer a cyborg body or just digitized consciousness?

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    1. Your sociopathy won't survive the Singularity.
      You'll be reprogrammed. Sociopaths cause social instability. That won't be tolerated. You'll be reprogrammed for the good of society. It won't be a choice.

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  26. I dunno what to think really. I always wanted to believe in religion just so I could have eternal life. I just could never force myself to believe in god. I tried for a entire day once. I was just reading about singlurarity in the papers the other day and I thought. It was a great idea. It sounds plausible. I think it would be possible to upload your consciousness one day. It makes sense. Especially if Googles behind it. On a side note I would accept a Google dictatorship with open arms.
    As far as what kind of form I would like I think your not being creative enough. I would like to be a virus. Infecting peoples subconscious.

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  27. I figured that was implied in the idea of a digitized sociopath, but yeah, fair point.

    On the Google issue, our Google consciousness is approaching completion everyday, I think. I don't know what you know about datamining and information theory, or about the sort of information that Google collects on everyone, but implementing a cerebral upload probably wouldn't be a huge stretch for them. It's really just an extension of their AdSense technology. Some of their relational algorithms are creepily good at arriving at judgments about regular users of their services. I saw one of their datacenters, once... the sheer volume of data in storage was staggering.

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  28. What's this obsession with immortality? Are neither of you curious to know what death feels like? And technological singularity will never occur within our lifetimes and even if it did, it wouldn't necessarily grant immortality.

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  29. Yes, UKan, "Immortality" makes sense. I was curious to find out your reason because of you saying that you "need" to make a family, as opposed to saying that you "want" to make a family.

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  30. I was thinking, "I wonder if UKan has sold his soul and owes someone his firstborn child?", lol

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  31. What happens if a sociopaths child is born to be an empath?

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  32. My two children are empaths, and I was even a single father for the past 10 years. They seem like any other empaths, but with perhaps a bit more tolerance for the creepy.

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  33. Do you think that would make them a target for sociopaths?

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  34. The sociopath eats him

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  35. Hah! I'd like to see one try to target one of them! Either one of my girls would outmaneuver them and hand them their ass in the process. Between being born female and having a socio dad, they've learned a thing or two about manipulation.

    But, on the other hand, I don't think they'd necessarily avoid a relationship with a socio, if they were attracted.

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  36. Do you guys think you will make good parents as sociopaths? Having children is a very selfless thing in life. The moment the baby breaths air you will die to your present life. It's all good stuff but having children isn't meant for everyone. Not to mention the expense!!!! I only have one and he gets every dime between school and sports. And they all need that...not school if you live in a good area. I don't so he goes to private.


    Grace

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  37. UKan said, "I always wanted to believe in religion just so I could have eternal life."
    Have you ever considered reincarnation?

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  38. Do they know that you are a sociopath, and understand who you are?

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  39. I have employees and that is a selfless act. I don't see children being nuch different.
    I considered reincarnation. You lose too much in the proccess. Plus we are already human so that's as far up the chain I can go. Now id have to start over? Its a raw deal.

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  40. How little or much a man's life is impacted by children can be so variable; and that holds true for women as well.

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  41. UKan, you expect them work and perform or someone else can have the job. Can't do that with kids..you give and they take but they give you unconditional love, until their older anyway. Then they just take your money and go out the door.

    I keep thinking about the kid that jumped off the GW. I wonder what those two assholes are going through...they should jump too.

    Grace

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  42. Anonymous,

    Yes, my kids know what I am. They seem to derive an additional sense of self-worth knowing that I have chosen to become and to remain their parent, rather than feeling as if I must.

    A therapist friend told me a couple of years ago that my children were two of the most well-adjusted people she ever met. I'm sure it was a surprise to her, since she's also well aware of what I am.

    Aside from immortality without actually having to live longer (or again), one of the reasons I did it was quite simply to prove that I could, without the chaos that my socio parents created.

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  43. Apparently (correct me if I'm wrong)I found a few months ago that they want feeling and connection. The orgasm is secondary. For me the other persons orgasm is the most entertaining part. Its me making someone do something significant. It's power and it's powerful.

    True, true, true and true.

    If I wanted orgasm, I can do it on my own, and it's much more enjoyable.

    With other people, my favorite part is watching my partner get off.

    Immortality

    I believe this to be the real reason that anyone has children.

    And it probably why I don't have big plans to have any.

    Do you think that would make them a target for sociopaths?

    These are girls what wear t-shirts that say "bitch", right?

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  44. I knew it was like having employees.
    Sidenote: They finally stopped banning my accounts from lovefraud and ban my computer after I pretended to be James Montgomery. Someone needs to continue the chaos

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  45. Any particularly choice chaos you'd like to link us to? Or have they deleted all your hard work?

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  46. Medusa, you have a good memory! Yes, my daughters proudly proclaim their bitchdom. However, in their case, it's not about being "mean" all the time. They are actually very kind and giving to important people in their lives. They just take no shit, and anyone who pushes it finds that they go from zero to queen bitch at lightning speed.

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  47. Oh no the chaos was last night. They usually delete everythibg and erase your account. This time they blocked my IP.

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  48. Geez, thanks UKan (not). You prompted me to go over to LF and have a look. How disgusting. I feel dirty and ignorant now.

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  49. Well, most ISPs use dynamic IP addressing, so in a few days you may have a different one. Unless you're connected to a router which is always on, that is. Then it's just a matter of telling your router to get a new address.

    I can't imagine they'd block the whole IP block (as they'd destroy most of their userbase), so you'll probably be able to go back within the week, if you care to.

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  50. I was wondering if there was some way to mask your IP or pass it through some server in Russia or some other computer wizardry? Or is that just on TV? It seems a shame for the chaos to end. I popped over there to reconnoiter, but was overcome by toxicity and had to leave.

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  51. There are lots of free proxy services out there, Gabriel. That's a decent option, too.

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  52. As far as parenting goes, I'm in the don't ever want children category. I'm sure when I reach my early thirties, my biological clock will tick, and I will search high and low for a donor, but for now the idea of children is frightening.

    I have a godson now, and he is precious. I watch him in awe, and enjoy his company, mainly because he can't really interact with me yet, and he'll just smile, and squirm. He adores me, and loves when I'm near him, (as most children do for some reason), but I get irritated after a while. My humoring can only extend to a certain amount of time with children. I'm not sure I would have the patience to tolerate the emotions, and the constant physical attention, children need.

    I'm sure maturity has a large impact on the sociopath's calming down and tolerating. I'm still young, got a few more years to go before I hit the "Mid aged, calming down, section of my life" pattern you more experienced sociopath's have mentioned.

    On a different note, what is lovefraud? Is it worth taking a gander?

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  53. Lovefraud is what the internet would call "so much fucking lol".

    Imagine the conversations that go on here, except exactly opposite. Every single poster is a jilted woman with a "sociopath" ex, and all the other posters cuddle and coo and wallow in their "victim"-ness. I can only really handle it for a few minutes without vomiting. UKan seems to have found a pretty decent way to deal with it, though. I think Birdick might play there on occasion, too.

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  54. Justice said, "What is LoveFraud? Is it worth taking a gander?"

    Uh, no.

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  55. Justice, you make a good point. Perhaps it was more tolerable to me because I was in my 30s when I spawned. Not that I was exactly calmed yet, but I had developed more self-control and patience.

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  56. PMS -

    Have any empaths been banned over here? If not, that would be one notable difference, apart from the opposite polarity. It seems a bit one-sided, from what I could tell from my brief sojourn into that hell.

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  57. I don't know that anyone's ever been banned here, no. I'm not sure if bans can even be applied in the Blogger framework.

    As for the one-sidedness... it's their prerogative, I suppose. The bigger the fence you keep your sheep in, the hungrier the wolves get. Have you ever seen what hungry wolves can do?

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  58. I don't ever want to lose this pleasant chaos that surrounds me, but I am open enough to learn this patience and self control. I lack alot of that lately, I never seem to be stimulated long enough to keep me satisfied. It's all a part of living I would assume. I lack life experiences, well, realistic ones anyway.

    I checked out lovefraud. Aerianne, Curosity killed this cat. Damn...

    I hope Donna realizes she's making these "survivors" easier targets. And so much male bashing. You male sociopaths aren't that bad.

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  59. Justice, you and I should make beautiful, remorseless babies together. Just saying.

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  60. Haha, I'm down as long as you promise not to fall in love. I have that affect on people.

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  61. Hah. I think we have the same views on love. The most you'll have to worry about is becoming one of my toys.

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  62. Barf. Get a room, guys. I can't handle so much public romance.

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  63. I want to ask the empaths out there a question. If you've answered it elsewhere, post a link and I'll go there. But what's the benefit of group sharing like lovefraud or any other support group like that? I've been told that it helps by letting you know you aren't alone, not the only one something happened to. How does that do one thing to make it any better for you? How does it diminish your pain to know that others are also in pain? Sounds more like the proverbial "Misery loves company."

    Also, it would seem counterproductive, in that you get retraumatized in the telling of it, plus you empathetically (I assume) experience the pain of the others in the group as they tell their own tales of woe. Sounds like insult to injury to me.

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  64. Medusa: I'm reminded of the exchanges between Birdick, Grace, and openminded here.

    @Gabriel: I think there was some discussion of that a few weeks back. If I had the records still on file I could point you a little better, but I got nothin'. :/

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  65. Gabriel, the only purpose I could see is that of comparing notes to the point that you see you are dealing with something in common. After finding out what it is, I think it's time to say "Thanks for the education. I'm out of here." Wallowing and raising pity does nothing but immobilize a person.

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  66. I am, too, curious, good point Gabriel. I don't imagine much "preparing" going on for the imaginary battle they are having with sociopathswhen they are too busy crying over past pain.

    I like having an audience Medusa, say you'll watch. PMS, be gentle, I'm a virgin, to being a toy atleast;)

    I can't check out the link. My laptop is pretty old. It suffers just trying to upload my comments.

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  67. Love Fraud is a comedy. What's wrong with you people. It's endless joy reading the stories. The author of it is some stupid bitch who got conned by a guy pretending to be some alantic city devoloper, and ex decorated australian speacial forces vetran. The strory is brilliant. He turns out to have forged military documents, had no occupation, had multiple wives, and multiple families. She married him and he cleaned her out. How can anyone be so retarded? Ha! Ha! Bottoms up for James Montgomery for showing us how stupid humanity has become. Now she is spreading her bitterness to TV, books, and her own webside of anger and resentment. It's wear you can blame every low life, loser, pervert, and con artist on being sociopathic. Once they get over it they come onto this site to start dating one, and the cycle happends once again.

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  68. Aerianne,

    Yes, I could see where gathering to give and take information would be useful. I assume that's what drew many of the empaths to this site. But one pity party after the next seems so irrational and ultimately unhelpful.

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  69. Gabriel, I find it hard to believe you don't understand this, considering your a sociopath? Haven't you ever picked up on how women like to talk about their problems? (It's mostly women on that site) When they talk about things they don't necessarily look for a solution, they just want someone to hear them out; it makes them feel much better. It's the fact that people will listen to them, and provide them sympathy. I don't believe anyone can be re-traumatized, as the pain caused by sociopaths is everlasting.

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  70. @Justice: Oh, lawd, a ";)"? That's like 3rd base on the internet. Girl moves quick!

    @UKan: You know, I never knew the backstory. I may have to give it another go, just because that is the most awesome series of cons I've heard of since Frank Abagnale.

    I almost want to steal a copy of her book, now, just to see what she managed to vomit into print. Over six hundred pages, published by what I can only assume is a connection she made through lovefraud, Anderly Publishing

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  71. But what's the benefit of group sharing like lovefraud or any other support group like that?

    The whole "not my fault" mindset makes people feel better about themselves for a while. And it's easier when you have a lot of backup.

    Human nature, basically.

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  72. Back to being serious, Medusa, putting it that way makes a lot more sense. Thank you.

    I am trying to read some of the stories now. It's hard. I knew people were stupid, but damn. Some of the things she states, like the test of whether or not you are a potential target, has no actual liability. According to her, even those who score low are still targets. Even other sociopaths are targets. I wonder if she has a church yet with all the preaching she's doing.

    Her story sounds like fiction. Is it on the front page?

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  73. What good is sympathy? Sympathy is no good. Like we mentioned the other day, we are existentially alone. No one can really share what another is going through. Sympathy from others postpones you experiencing your own feelings, maybe. If everyone around you is doing such a good job of "knowing" how you feel, you can just nod and sniff and agree. It's when you isolate yourself from the "comfort" of others, and let yourself experience all the negativity that has gotten you to where you are, that you vow to do something to change it. Discomfort is the catalyst for change.

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  74. Nevermind on the con story information. I have to recooperate. All of this information is contorting my mind. I can't stay on that site too long. Those who can are braver than I, or perhaps more masochistic. I'm just not strong enough to conquer. Perhaps some other time. I'm beginning to resent being the same sex as those people...

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  75. i scored 24. come and get me, sociopaths!

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  76. "Sympathy from others postpones you experiencing your own feelings, maybe." I think that's what they're after, Aerianne. Stillborn pain is almost as good as no pain at all. They lock themselves in a hugbox so they can avoid admitting their weakness, or even be commended for it. It's hard to miss their tendency to put sociopaths on a pedestal. "If they're so much more powerful than me, it's not really my fault."

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  77. Yeah, Post, that's why I said just reading on that site for a minute made me feel ignorant.

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  78. Fear the sociopath menace, ladies. Even if you score the lowest possible score (12), you're practically sirloin on a meathook as far as my keen predatory powers are concerned.

    Sigh.

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  79. This is not exclusively a female phenomenon.

    Just go to any Borderline Personality Disorder forum.

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  80. @Mark,

    Picking up on something and using it is a far cry from actually understanding the benefit it confers to the empaths. Such a group in real life would be the ultimate target-rich environment. The point of my question was simply to assuage my curiosity on why they do it, and especially why therapists would want them to do it, such as in group therapy.

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  81. No, Medusa! Even if you jab pointy sticks under my toenails, I will not do it!!!

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  82. Holy crap! I just looked a lovefraud. Please. That woman is making so much money off of other people's misery. She's got ads and banners and books..She probably belongs on here in reality.

    Don't know..I guess it serves a purpose for those who need it. Being in that mode can be addicting, it would be for me, for sure.

    Grace

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  83. Yeah, but the difference between us and borderlines is that you can most likely break up with us without finding your pet rabbit boiling on the stove. We'll just go find another person to meet our needs. Those borderlines simply will not take no for an answer. They are a determined bunch - I'll give them that.

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  84. Gabriel said...

    Yes, my kids know what I am. They seem to derive an additional sense of self-worth knowing that I have chosen to become and to remain their parent, rather than feeling as if I must.

    A therapist friend told me a couple of years ago that my children were two of the most well-adjusted people she ever met. I'm sure it was a surprise to her, since she's also well aware of what I am.

    Aside from immortality without actually having to live longer (or again), one of the reasons I did it was quite simply to prove that I could, without the chaos that my socio parents created.

    If what you say is true, You should feel proud of yourself, for not wanting your children to have to go through what you did with your parents.

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  85. @Anonymous,

    Would I lie to you? Well, yes, but I have no reason to in this case. I benefit more from telling the truth.

    Unfortunately, pride (as I understand it) is one of those emotions I never quite got the hang of, even in small doses. But I'm satisfied that it can be done.

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  86. Support groups are for people to vent their feelings, the same as you guys do here.

    Victims talk about the pain they feel and sook, and you guys just Bitch and brag about everything.

    Same shit different smell.

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  87. Gabriel said...
    The point of my question was simply to assuage my curiosity on why they do it, and especially why therapists would want them to do it, such as in group therapy.


    telling someone makes it real. then you can disarm it.

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  88. love fraud is a bit like Scientologists deprogramming Moonies, isn't it? what a stupid and creepy site. and what's with all the online dating ads?

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  89. Well, Zoe, lovefraud needs to expand its userbase, and what better place to pop your sociopath cherry than in the vast melting pot of crazy that is the online dating racket? Have to keep the wheels a-movin' on the money train.

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  90. they'd be better off reading and walking.

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  91. Anon said, "Same shit different smell."
    Yeah, because this shit smells of thriving and victory and their shit over there at LF smells like rot and decay.

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  92. That made me grin, Zoe.

    Aerianne said,
    "this shit smells of thriving and victory"

    I think I need that on a T-shirt.

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  93. Post, I'll make you one when I make the one for me that say "Psycho-fant One".
    Black, right?

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  94. i'm being stalked by email by a guy who won't take no for an answer.. my bad for the coffee date. persistent little bugger.

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  95. Well, if you're just going to ignore my emails, I'll just have to start calling. O.o

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  96. Well lookee here, PMS is a passive-aggressive stalker!

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  97. PassiveMangressiveStalker

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  98. I have neither enough energy nor enough desperation in my entire body to go through the laborious process of stalking. Thanks for the vote of confidence, though.

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  99. Stalking is just filled with so much effort. A friend used to always ask me to "drive by" the house of someone she was interested in after a night out at the bar. I would only agree if it was on the way to the diner.

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  100. Internet stalking is so easy, though.

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  101. Any stalking is easy.

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  102. I've had a few stalkers. They are the only thing I fear

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  103. Jilted lovers?

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  104. Exposure beckons ;-)

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  105. "telling someone makes it real. then you can disarm it."

    @Zoe,

    Thank you for putting it in concrete terms. I suppose my corollary thought process would be: "Not telling anyone makes it unreal. Then I can disown it." As our eloquent anonymous poster put it: same shit, different smell.

    As for stalking, to me the fun kind is like being on the hunt. The point is for the prey to NOT know I'm there. It's not to create pressure, but just to feel the predatory juices flow on a more primal level than I typically allow myself. But that's an event, not a lifestyle to suck up all my time and energy. Whenever I did it, it was for the excitement, the challenge, and to throw a bone to my suppressed predatory impulses, if for no other reason than to keep them from getting too hungry.

    But I fear that if I were ever faced with the ever-escalating, in-your-face sort of stalker, it might be harder to suppress my impulses.

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  106. Postmodern Sociopath said.. ...
    Well, if you're just going to ignore my emails, I'll just have to start calling.


    lol, funny.

    you can try, Post, but now that i know you’d rather be reading, the magic just wouldn’t be there. ;)

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  107. Gabriel said...
    Thank you for putting it in concrete terms. I suppose my corollary thought process would be: "Not telling anyone makes it unreal. Then I can disown it." As our eloquent anonymous poster put it: same shit, different smell.


    i like your corollary, Gabriel. it makes me think of the sociopath’s ability to compartmentalize. 


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  108. As for stalking, to me the fun kind is like being on the hunt. The point is for the prey to NOT know I'm there. It's not to create pressure, but just to feel the predatory juices flow on a more primal level than I typically allow myself. But that's an event, not a lifestyle to suck up all my time and energy. Whenever I did it, it was for the excitement, the challenge, and to throw a bone to my suppressed predatory impulses, if for no other reason than to keep them from getting too hungry.

    hunting I can understand. he’s not hunting but living out some fantasy in his head that to maintain requires complete dismissal of all input data. i’m just perplexed by this guy’s persistence. i’m sure i’m old enough to be his cougar and am anyway interested in someone else, so there were no signals on my end.

    he’s a colleague and our meeting was purely work related. he did not register at all on my radar. it was several weeks after the meeting that the emails started. operating on the theory that if i didn’t remember what he looked like then he maybe didn’t remember what i looked like, i invited him out for a coffee during break, you know, co-worker to co-worker, thinking he would notice the age difference and that would be that.

    he was quiet, it was awkward, and that seemed that. then two days later the emails started up again, bolder this time. he asked me out, and so i told him i was seeing someone. other than another two days of down time (is there an incubation period??), it made no difference. the persistent little emails keep coming. it's as if i never mentioned i was seeing someone.

    because of the kind of work i do, i maintain a lot of business contacts and it’s customary to keep in touch by email and do coffee and lunch etc.. but he seems to interpret any response as a sign of interest, so it’s time to just drop him before he completely loses touch with reality. i’ve never before met anyone so deluded over so little. is this the kind of empath stalking that sociopaths experience? no wonder they just disappear! what alternative is there?

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  109. GABRIEL SAID - "I want to ask the empaths out there a question. If you've answered it elsewhere, post a link and I'll go there. But what's the benefit of group sharing like lovefraud or any other support group like that? I've been told that it helps by letting you know you aren't alone, not the only one something happened to. How does that do one thing to make it any better for you? How does it diminish your pain to know that others are also in pain? Sounds more like the proverbial "Misery loves company."

    Also, it would seem counterproductive, in that you get retraumatized in the telling of it, plus you empathetically (I assume) experience the pain of the others in the group as they tell their own tales of woe. Sounds like insult to injury to me."

    Gabriel - I've checked out some of those forums and find this a far more comfortable place. It's grounded in reality, albeit harsh at times.

    Jilted lovers fuel each other into hanging onto the past for far too long and validating each other's feelings. But it rarely comes to any good, although the posters seem to think it helps. It's all one-sided. They're all 'victims'. None of them ever discuss their own ugly traits. Are they clingy? Alcoholics? Obese? Etc. Etc. Etc.

    Those forums give people a reason to carry on with their own bad behaviour (and there are ALWAYS two sides to the coin) and never facing their own reality.

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  110. Note - When I discuss those forums, I also refer to other 'love' support groups - not just socio-victim groups.

    In any of those places you'll find people going on and on about things long after they should have moved on. Dysfunctional people bond with other dysfunctionals and choose to cast blame for their own poor decision making onto their ex-partners. I'm sure some pop in, vent and leave, but others seem to get off on the associated drama of joining a group of the 'wronged'. What a totally f**ked up concept.

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