Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Keeping/getting out of the system

From time to time we get readers who have gotten caught up in the "system," institutionalized for one reason or another by government agencies trying to "help" them. Sociopaths need to prepare for such a contingency. Here's how one reader got off the psychological hook after being raped:
To get out of counselling, I convinced everyone I had PTSD. After they put a label on me, they felt okay to "release" me. After I got out, life went back to "normal". I never pressed charges or filed a formal report because it felt unnecessary to do so, so I didn't have to act like I had PTSD at school (the event occurred during secondary school). The only glitch in the whole plan was my parents; they were concerned with my lack of... reaction, I guess. Everyone in my family is quite aware of my APD and sociopathy. (We have kind of a Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy when it comes to what I do with my, what I like to call, skills.) I guess they thought we were more vulnerable, haha, that a rape would break me or something. What a riot.

Anyway, it was probably the most frustrating and best learning experience I've ever had. I have since built a mental repertoire of how to react in certain (mostly traumatic) situations, should they ever arise. I'm prepared now. (;
I think for most situations it's easiest to actually concentrate on feeling an emotion that is in the ballpark of "appropriate" rather than faking it. For instance, another socio reader recently suffered a miscarriage. I advised her to respond to people's inquiries by just repeating that she "feels loss." That's my go to response when something bad has happened to me, because I really can feel loss, and if I just keep focusing on the loss I feel, if any, I think I give sufficiently legitimate emotional responses approximating grief.

If you don't have a good "reaction," it can mean trouble. One small example is when I went 10 days with a ruptured appendix. I didn't have any satisfactory answer for why I hadn't come in sooner. People kept asking me questions about my pain threshold, tolerance for pain, etc., but I didn't have answers that jived with my medical history for that either. I think the truth was that I was just very good at compartmentalizing the pain -- mind over matter stuff like walking over coals? I don't know. I obviously still don't have a good enough explanation for it. Once they have you in some sort of "care," though, it's all about playing the game to get out before they have time to observe you for too long. The last day I was in the hospital, I was flushing food down the toilet because they said I couldn't leave until I had eaten. Luckily I wasn't in there with something suspicious like a knife wound, otherwise I might never have been able to leave.

Figure out the "right answer" they are looking for if you can and give it to them -- I know that's the goal, but it's easier said than done. How do you know what the right answer is for having been assaulted? Or having lost a child? The cops and doctors have seen it a hundred times before, so they know how you should act. That's the worst part about it! They sit there all smug, staring at you and comparing it to their wealth of experience while you try to verbally tap dance your way out of custody, sometimes tap dancing your way into even more trouble. It's enough to make you want to run whenever the cops or other authorities get involved, but of course that looks quite suspicious if you do and they later catch you.

As I'm writing this, I realize that maybe I'm a bad person to give advice on this subject. I tend to give people a confused look that makes them want to detain me. My internal dialogue goes something like this: "Is this a situation where less is more? Or where more is less? Do those phrases even make sense? Why are they whispering into that two-way radio while staring at me?"

I've been held on suspicion of all sorts of things, like drug use, cheating, concussions, and smuggling. Once I have triggered more than one red flag, I better hope I am innocent because I can't talk my way out of a paper bag at that point. Cops are the worst. I can't ever give them the reaction they're looking for. I guess that's why I think having a contingency plan is so important, because I have had so many problems with it in the past. It's certainly not because I have any talent for it.

76 comments:

  1. What an interesting blog. At present I'm in the middle of a difficult divorce. It took me 30 years to realise that my husband is a psychopath. As might be expected, he did a number on me and our four children.

    I'm the sort of person who needs to make sense of things. I've found your blog so much more helpful and insightful than those written for victims. In time I hope to understand and forgive and never have anything to do with him again.

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  2. Is that a picture of William Shatner? Heh.

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  3. I think that the poster needs a Advocte
    they can trust, easier said then done.
    Where's UKAN ?

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. M.E.: I watched this season’s premier episode of Dexter last night and this issue of triggering suspicion due to an “off” emotional response was featured. Dexter’s wife Rita is dead and his 911 call was clinical sounding and detached. Naturally this pushed one of the detective’s WTF buttons. Then, when Dexter tells the kids that their mom dies, he says “sorry for your loss”. When he said that I thought, oh come on, for a guy that smart he sounds really dumb! You don’t respond this way to this kind of situation. How do I know? How would I know what types of things to say in situations like being a victim of assault or losing a child for instance? Lots and lots of fiction reading and watching TV and movies. Soap operas are really educational in this regard. Absurd I know. Trust me though. Years of ingesting pop entertainment has provided me with a rich and convincing emotional vocabulary.

    Having said that, although I am a fairly decent actor, even I wouldn’t risk fake tears in front of a cop, especially an older one who might have years of experience and an expertly crafted cranial bullshit detector. I would think that when it comes to fooling experts, subtle emotional displays are safest.

    Medusa: That looks like Kiefer Sutherland to me.

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  6. Socios, please do not repeat cheesy love song lyrics to someone you are with. That's just nauseating and so easily seen through.

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  7. ^LOL. Well yeah. You have to be able to break down and recombine phrases in a way that sounds natural and appropriate to the situation. Otherwise it sounds like you are just delivering lines. Badly.

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  8. When I was a teenager, I dated a guy who ended up being violent and controlling. I really didn't mind the violence, but the controlling behaviors were obnoxious and so about a week into this new behavior pattern I was going to break up with him. That is, until a woman at my church pulled me aside and put her hand on my back, explaining that she'd seen the guy punch at me. I had, of course, moved out of the way and he'd broken his hand on the wall behind me (It was sooooo funny!!!) Anyway, church chick, who was usually a bitch, was all of a sudden spilling her life story to me (why? I'm not sure.)and telling me that it was okay if I wanted to cry. (hahahahah! how spectacular!) Well, I had certainly seen on TV how to act like a battered woman (and I was awarded Best Actress at my school), so I played the crap out of that game for the next year or so. Even after I broke up with him, exactly who I was in most people's eyes had permanently changed. I had "Victim" floating above my head and I can't tell you how much I got away with, or how many times my lies were accepted because I was sweet little innocent me.

    Of course, my small town cops were party to this vision of me, but I do worry about city cops who may have seen more in their work, so I hope to never have any sort of serious encounter with them. I've tried very hard not to let arrogance get the better of me, because I can see where trying to fake more than I'm actually knowledgeable about - more than I've studied, could get me exposed... but playing games can be so much fun...

    Medusa and Daniel,
    I think I have to go with Shatner.

    Daniel,
    I copy soap opera responses and expressions, too. I haven't watched them in years, but I did growing up and I think they're great, even for lines, because so few of the people around me would recognize something like they might from a movie or sitcom.

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  9. Wow. My ex's socializing was constructed of pop-culture references. Not "hidden" ones. But I thought it was just a part of his quirkiness. He is a very controlled and pretty gentle as far as socios go. But despite his minimal chaos, drama or social manipulations every blog or comment section I read here has something I can relate to him.

    Get a load of this..... I ran into him at a concert in my hometown last night (originally he bought us tix and that's why I am home visiting; I decided to go to the show anyway, it is at an arena and I got floor tix and he had gotten us seated ones.). Of course I expected to see him at some point but I almost literally ran into him, so I was unprepared. This is the first time I've seen him since we broke up. He gave me that cold inclineing of the chin sort of nod and a dismissive "hey" as his eyes bored holes into my date and a smirk crossed his face. I was legitimately smiling at something my date was saying and just gave a little wave and kept moving.

    Earlier that day via text conversation we arranged for him to put the remainder of my belongings out on his back stoop so I could pick them up today. He ignored my suggestions that we meet to exchange property. He's said several times that he's "not ready for that" though he has been willing to have the occasional phone conversation.

    At 1am my phone rings and it's him, I answer it, incredibly curious. (6 weeks ago he uncerimoniously dumped me out of the blue after the best 6 months of my entire life)
    He said...... .

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  10. Wow. My ex's socializing was constructed of pop-culture references. Not "hidden" ones. But I thought it was just a part of his quirkiness. He is a very controlled and pretty gentle as far as socios go. But despite his minimal chaos, drama or social manipulations every blog or comment section I read here has something I can relate to him.

    Get a load of this..... I ran into him at a concert in my hometown last night (originally he bought us tix and that's why I am home visiting; I decided to go to the show anyway, it is at an arena and I got floor tix and he had gotten us seated ones.). Of course I expected to see him at some point but I almost literally ran into him, so I was unprepared. This is the first time I've seen him since we broke up. He gave me that cold inclineing of the chin sort of nod and a dismissive "hey" as his eyes bored holes into my date and a smirk crossed his face. I was legitimately smiling at something my date was saying and just gave a little wave and kept moving.

    Earlier that day via text conversation we arranged for him to put the remainder of my belongings out on his back stoop so I could pick them up today. He ignored my suggestions that we meet to exchange property. He's said several times that he's "not ready for that" though he has been willing to have the occasional phone conversation.

    At 1am my phone rings and it's him, I answer it, incredibly curious. (6 weeks ago he uncerimoniously dumped me out of the blue after the best 6 months of my entire life)
    He said...... .

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  11. "I just wanted to call you to apologize;I'm sorry."
    Me, stunned, "REALLY!?"
    silence.........
    Me, suspicious,"What are you sorry for, exactly?"
    Him, sounding very sorry, sounding really, almost despondent,"Before the show toninght I put your things out back, I wasn't sure when or if I'd be home or if I'd be coherent when I got here.....and....well, I did it not realizing......it was going to rain. I'm so sorry"
    (There was an old pressing of a record I love, a book, and one or two semi-valued items that could be damaged by rain)
    Me with a huge sigh,"Yeah, well, I did suggesst meeting in person. You didn't do it on purpose, why are you so sorry?"
    "Vinyl is *very* important to me, I would feel very bad if this happened to me"he said sounding like he was apologizing for running my child down with his car or something.
    "Ha. There's just so much irony in getting such a deep and heartfelt apology for THIS. Of all the things I would like an apology for...this is kinda low on the priority list. I'm super bummed that it happened. But, I accept your apology, I know it wasn't intentional, and I am not angry, just very, very disappointed since this could have been averted if you had not acted so selfishly."
    "If anything needs to be replaced, I'll do my best to replace whatever has been damaged, I feel bad."
    "I'm sorry"
    "Is that all?"
    "Yes."
    "Are you sure? Because it sounds like you might have something else to say."
    "I'm sorry"
    "Yeah, I got that, I forgive you, you. Have a good night" At that point the amount of sorry that he was for this compared to the utter indifference he exhibited to me when he was breaking up with me was almost laughable.

    I kept calm as I could and did say what I was thinking, but I didn't get overly emotional. I also took the high road and I feel pretty good about how I handled it. Additionally, I do believe that he was trying to establish something akin to a "normal relationship" with me, but just cannot do it, despite his respect and admiration for me. I think that his ability to finally feel some regret about something that has happened between us because for once he actually *could* imagine being in my shoes is kind of hysterical. While he was apologizing (he was also half in the bag, so I'm sure that influenced his vehemence)I was just kicking myself over how intense he was about this apology.

    I guess it would be ironic, except it seems like textbook sociopathy to me, and not actually irony from that perspective

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  12. The best thing you can do Amelia is NOT to talk to him and not have ANY contact with him.
    Sounds like you are still not over him and you are just feeding into the game he's playing.
    You gave him exactly what he wanted.
    Socios, am I right?

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  13. Anyway. Other than breaking up with me he hasn't done anything to me at all. we have known each other for 13 years, though until a year ago our relationship was client/hairdresser and I didn't see him much after I moved away until I ran into him last fall after not seeing him for a very long time. He's not big on social drama and games and he's very particular about the way he treats people. Moreso about how they treat him. Honestly, I thought it was kind of amusing. i don't believev that I have anything to fear from him at all. I believev that we will be friends in the future, just as he said once "I'd like our conversations to be less meaningful" haha.

    Seriously, I get it about staying away from destructive and chaotic people, but.... he's been out of trouble and drama for about 5 years, he has a very firm grip on his life. I'm not afraid to be friendly at all, I just see him with new eyes since I understand what he is and no one "gets" it when obvious socio stuff happens, they are always like "That makes NO SENSE! WHO does that?" but noww that I know how he is....everything he does makes TOTAL sense. It's jsut not what I would do. And I'm ok with that.

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  14. It's Shatner, from the movie "Shoot Or Be Shot".

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  15. You’re right ladies. It does look like Shatner. My bad.

    @Pythias: Soap operas are the best. The lines are maudlin (naturally) so toning it down a notch or three is necessary. Otherwise, they are very educational.

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  16. I get it, Amelia. I'm in an okay, post-relationship, "friendship" with a socio. I guess a lot of people have had bad experiences, been burned and think all relationships with socios end that way and give advice from that perspective. It's okay to be amiable.

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  17. Aerianne, I'm still in that stage where I'm getting a chuckle out of it, but also making a sincere effort because I liked him before we dated, I think it will be fine. I have never feared him in any way. I'm also not one to be broken by anyone. There are a lot of things I enjoy about him as a person and even though I don't think I have him totally figured out I know that I have a lot more insight into his actions than most people do now. I appreciate that he is generally very meticulous and he took responsibility for my things getting messed up. I will seek to have him replace them if they are destroyed. I think that holding him to his word is not "playing into" anything, but expected, sure, and RESPECTED.

    I just had to laugh when he was beside himself over doing something stupid and ruining a record while I could have been weeping and he would have looked right through me. heh. Awareness goes a looooooong way. I don't get my feelings hurt as a result because I know it's just how his mind works, and it's different than mine, but that's ok. As long as I take responsibility for my own boundaries and my own actions and emotions I don't really see there being a problem.

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  19. I tend to give people a confused look that makes them want to detain me.

    No, you come across as a sociopath, which is why you get detained all the time. If you really think that a confused look is the only reason people are suspicious of you, then you have more of a detachment from reality than you realize.

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  20. Anon said, "No, you come across as a sociopath, which is why you get detained all the time."

    Sociopathy is a detainable offense?

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  21. That's funny how you find him boring now Aerianne. I realize this would have happened with me as well if the relationship had continued as a couple or even a friend. But with friendship who cares...there's no expectations. I don't even have that with him.

    Amelia, my relationship ended the same way.

    I'm having one of those days where I'm thinking about him too much. It doesn't happen often but when it does I can't focus on my life. I get angry and just want to be left alone with it. Sucks!!
    Grace

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  23. He was low functioning in his life. He had no real affect on anything, except me (dug). He wasn't good at problem solving, only to just get rid of it and then of course he would be ok. I talk in the past tense but this is true of him today. I talked with his ex wife recently and she tells me he's getting worse and he's miserable. Too bad because he's a smart man but he lacks discipline and he can't sacrafice for something better.

    Grace

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  24. Exactly, Grace; I call the state my ex is in now, "No Functioning".

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  25. I'm having one of those days where I'm thinking about him too much.

    Grace, I've been having the same problem the past couple of days.

    Saw him twice in the past month. Haven't seen him since we broke up 6 months ago. The first time he tried really hard to get my attention and make eye contact. I just gave him a raised eyebrow and kept walking. He was with some nasty stripper looking girl who I could see he didn't really care about very much. He was looking around the whole time for someone or something else.

    The second time was a week ago. We were both alone at a show. The lightning bolts across the room were very palpable and left me with a very distinct feeling that "this isn't over". I ignored that feeling and I ignored him. He ignored me as well and eventually he ran away. Both times.

    But now I suddenly have this insomnia problem.

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  26. Hello, it's the Anonymous who commented at the beginning.

    My soon-to-be-ex-spouse has apparently 'found love'. In fact, he's so happy he's been sacked from his job for the seventh or eighth time. I wonder if he pushed a co-worker downstairs again, or did some more ill-advised shagging, or bullied a minion to the point where she had to take 18 months off work. Or maybe it was something new this time.

    I have a solicitor and a barrister and massive legal debts. But needs must. I've been on my knees too long. Standing up now.

    Deb

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  27. Medusa, I get that too. Then other times when I do sleep, my dreams are invaded. I find that consciously shielding myself works during those times. Also, I visualize the energy cords between us, dissolving, retracting and returning to their owners works for me.

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  28. I can relate. I get the same way and then I get moody on top of it all. Like I need this.

    See I think they know this stuff happens to us and they love it. They like the idea that we might be thinking about them and having those lingering thoughts that never seem to leave. Even if there're angry thoughts..it's better than nothing. He accused me of being bitter and angry at him after splitting up. I never exposed my feelings like that to him. NEVER. I wanted to keep calm and detached. Meanwhile I wanted to smash his face in. He wants to leave a path of ruins behind. For him, it's better than nothing.
    I'm on a rampage now...better stop or I will never be able to focus on my work or my son. Thanks ladies.

    Grace

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  29. I've been using the energy cords to my advantage. I don't know if he gives a shit on his end, but for me it is a competition. I'm driven to be more successful than him. Sounds bad maybe, but it's working, and I'm thriving.

    For instance. There is this big-time promoter in town who refuses to work with him and his band for some reason my ex never explained. This promoter has taken a keen interest in me lately for some reason and even wrote me up in the paper this week for our show tomorrow night. Same dude who got me the commercial spot.

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  30. I can feel somewhat smug knowing that I did some damage of my own on the way out of the relationship. He still hasn't recovered in 13 months. I saw that he and his wifey were getting ready to burn me, so I burned them first. Like I told him, I don't burn alone :D

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  31. lol..good for you Aerianne!

    Grace

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  32. I don't think it's a bad thing, Medusa. I mean, after all, they make this shit war.

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  33. True. I'm enjoying it, even if it is just all in my imagination.

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  34. It's love fraud 2.0

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  35. Eh, whatever. Just because we talk about this stuff once every blue moon does not us lovefraudians make.

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  36. Yes, it does. It shows how much it all still means to you, and your feelings and rationalizations aren't at all different from those found on that other god-forsaken site. The only difference is the frequency with which you make your self-indulgence public. Lovefraudians, you are. 2.0.

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  37. Calm down, Grace. I didn't mean to upset anyone. You're all rational adults who can handle a little jest, right? It's not like there's any truth to what I'm saying.

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  38. I keep running into sociopathy in pop culture. It seems to be Michael Douglas' favorite role. You want to see a sociopath fuck his life up: Solitary Man. This guy makes Gordon Gecko look like Jesus.

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  39. Hey, Girls! What say we indulge ourselves a little more and start posting all our weird fantasies here. I think the blog is probably more suited to those type postings ;) wink - wink!

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  40. UKan: I've notice that about Michael Douglas, too. Haven't seen Solitary Man, though. I'll have to download it for the weekend.

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  41. Clearly talking about experiences with sociopaths here means it's all you do or think about. Wtf else are we supposed to discuss here? *yawn*

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  42. I see. Well sometimes we do get pissed off. It's not a big deal to anyone here. We don't take over the place with it and the sociopaths wouldn't let us anyway. I checked out lovefraud last week but it's a bit much for me.

    So there is truth to what you're saying. Can't argue that..don't need to either. Sorry if I offended you with my rare display of profanity;)

    Grace

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  43. Lovefraud aside, why do most women enjoy perpetuating their own stereotype, yet pick and choose feminist ideals (as opposed to egalitarian ideals)?

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  44. It's just part of the mystique of being a woman ;)

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  45. "What say we indulge ourselves a little more and start posting all our weird fantasies here."

    @Aerianne,

    By all means, you ladies indulge yourselves. I'd certainly be willing to read your weird fantasies. The weirder, the better.

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  46. Anon, see, it's not like the socios aren't at all curious about the other side, or aren't fueled in some way by our sporadic little "lovefraud" coffee hours.

    It's information. Information can be useful.

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  47. Gabriel, lol, what socio here wouldn't love it if we laid ourselves even more open for you all?

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  48. Yes, Anon, we're their "psychofantic" pets. It's a give and take relationship we have here. Go away. You aren't a fit ;)

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  49. Aerianne,

    You distrusting little tease. Your exposure (so to speak) wasn't my desire in the least. I was just hoping for you'd come up with a new fantasy for me to ponder. I've grown bored of the usual socio fantasies. I was hoping the non-socios would provide a fresh take on "weird".

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  50. Gabriel, "distrusting little tease" is fine. At first, I thought you called me a "disgusting little tease" and I liked it in a strange way.

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  51. I don't do disgusting. I'm a naive, sheltered, pure-of-heart-and-mind empath.

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  52. If this blog hasn't defiled you by now, we'll have to kick it up a notch.

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  53. (Note to self: Gabriel likes "disgusting" and "defiled".)

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  54. All the good words begin with D.

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  55. It's just part of the mystique of being a woman ;)

    I seem to be missing that "part." Could you provide me with steps by which to obtain it? That would be most helpful.

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  56. @ No One - No, not I. I don't have the "part" either. Hence, the wink ;)

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  57. 10 days with a ruptured appendix?
    I believe if your appendix ruptures It poisons your system and you need an emergency appendectomy asap or you die.
    There is noway you would be alive after 10 days.

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  58. A ruptured Appendix leads to Sepsis, but not necessarily immediately.

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  59. why should we all suffer ? i met my socio on the dating sites within recent history. he was so charming and knew every line to a huge array of songs from the 70's, i was impressed. he studied me carefully and i enjoyed the attention and we liked each other. i liked the idea he was sickly and was in need of a caregiver and he liked the idea that i owned property and could provide an instant home and family. he being a career criminal spending most of his life incarcerated, me never meeting such a person was confused. when i asked "why" he stated that he didn't care but now that he met me he had a reason for caring and to stay clean and out of trouble. won me over since he's sickly and i would enjoy helping out someone who supposedly never had a happy home, being the victim of a lifetime of crime, surely we were a match made in heaven. nothing so simple happened, once we were married and living together his joyful child like behavior disappeared because now there were chores to be done, no more sitting playing video games all day, this was not tolerable for either of us. his health improved once he no longer took his overdose of meds, i had been duped. i set out to divorce him and he set out to destroy my family and i emotionally and financially because he now had all the tools to use against us and we regular folks were devastated to learn someone we gathered into our home and endured huge emotional a financial burdens to accommodate him were all for a very painful learning lesson that still tortures us all.
    Much too complicated and sad has this ordeal become that my only hope is to get out of this divorce with my family intact and my life.

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  60. Yep, Anonymous. A "Nurturer" is an easy target even for those who aren't Sociopaths.

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  61. Something I don't understand about my fellow socios, why choose easy targets? How can you derive any type of satisfaction from such an easy conquest?

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  62. Something I don't understand about my fellow socios, why choose easy targets? How can you derive any type of satisfaction from such an easy conquest?

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  63. Inexperience, lack of self-control, desire for instant gratification, laziness, etc.

    Why does anyone cheat or take short cuts in life?

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  64. cos 'easy targets' aren't randomly chosen. christ, if socios need constant stimulation what better than finding another who does too -
    hence an 'easy target.' if the target plays hard to get, then they are getting some satisfaction. what may seem an easy target at first glance for a sociopath may turn out to be more erratic and illogical. a sociopath doesn't happily do illogic.

    so, what wouldn't be an 'easy' target? a sociopath female? i met a socio male who hated the socio female at work. it was mutual.
    does hate turn to sex? not in that case. conclusion: dunno - i ain't no socio. obviously.

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  65. Anon, how did you become so articulate?

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  66. no one

    are you talking to me? i'm an HSP. there's overlap in a lot of the fundamentals that give sociopaths their often persecuted worldview. the socio i met didn't liberate me from the turgid rules of conventional 'wisdom,' i already had that cos i'm also an extreme. but he gave me great insight into how the world works where i lacked real wisdom. i am grateful. and although i am highly sensitive, i can never go through life seeing myself as a victim if i get involved with anyone whoever they are. that would be laziness.
    it's true that we need to live consciously and aware. aware of ourselves primarily and our vulnerabilities. but to blame others is lazy, and totally futile.

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  67. ummm, eh, ah. I think my brain feels like running out of my scull. OK. is this site to help or worsen or maybe I'm too ignorant or wow. is it possible that to be normal one must get categorized and viseversal. Respect is all I wish to give and receive. did "RESPECT" get excluded from technology now, today. cause i recal when Websters dictionary "books" were arround maybe I'm too old for computerization or web-ology is this system for help to know or for help to confuse.

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    film izleyebileceğiniz en iyi adrestesiniz.En iyi yerli filmlerin hd kalitede bulabileceğiniz ve türkçe dublaj film izleyerek keyifli zaman geçirebileceğiniz bir film sitesi üzerinde çalıştığımızı ve sizler için en iyi aksiyon filmleri izleyebileceğiniz güzel bir site yapmaya çalıştığımızı belirtmek isterim. Kaliteli animasyon filmleri izleyebileceğiniz ve en önemlisi tek part film izleyebileceğiniz bir sistem kurmanın gururunu yaşadığımızın bilincindeyiz. Keyifli zamanlar geçirmeniz dileğiyle.

    ReplyDelete

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