From a reader:
Part II and Part III
The more I read [your blog] the more reassured I became that the person I am in love with is a sociopath. I have known this person for 7 years, and during these years I was constantly fascinated by him, the way he manipulates people into satisfying his needs, the way he quickly rises up the career ladder, the way he sometimes in an instant lets go of any particular relationship, and the way he never takes responsibility for anything but rather blames the people around him. I have always noticed how people start out by loving him, turning him into an idol, a God, they worship him, but within time every single one of those people ended up hating him. He has constant affairs with women, and each time he claims he is in love (however short lived). Women in his life come and go but I'm the constant. I don't understand why. He said he considers me one of his best friends, however my feelings for him are way stronger than simply friendship. That fact that I love him annoys him a lot, he hates any form of emotion or weakness on my side.
I have learned to accept him for who he is, although sometimes due to my more emotional nature I lash out at him demanding change, I try to explain to him why sometimes I feel alienated by him, or that I simply need more attention, usually these types of conversations end up in a fight, because he is unable to see my side of the story. I understand that it's something that he will never be capable of. However we have managed to keep this friendship running for 7 years. I have invested a lot into this relationship, and yes I willingly putting myself into the position of a victim. I fully accept this. He is a great person, and I am very attached to him, however due to his constant change in behavior I often fear that I will lose him. His attention may turn to somebody else in a blink of an eye, and keeping him in my life (even if only as a friend) gives me a strange feeling of adrenalin (a bit selfish here). He has the power to crush and mend my world in a split second, the high and lows that he puts me through are incredible, although it sometimes exhausts me, but as I said I willingly put up with it. It's my choice to stay friends with him. I'm not going to give up on him simply because he is slightly different from the rest.
I'm not here to complain, I am here to try and better understand him, so that I can further adapt better. So the question that I want to ask is: if sociopaths have no attachments, why won't he let me leave?
There were times when I was very close to abandoning this friendship and each time I would make that decision he would pull me back. He does threaten me sometimes "if you show your emotions one more time I will never talk to you, and this friendship will be over", however he has never actually done it, which means he doesn't really want to let go either. Maybe he takes pleasure in observing me, observing how I'm struggling to keep this friendship running. Or maybe deep down he feels alone, and I'm the only women who loves him for who he is and not for the mask that he puts on for the rest. His true reason for keeping me in his life doesn't matter, as long as I'm in it. I'm just curious of what the reason could be.
He can be very caring for me, and very sympathetic, and he can be very supportive when I'm going through a difficult time, he would constantly call me to check up on me, and than suddenly he would become all cold. Almost as if somebody had pressed the "off" button -- I can cry my eyes out, and reach out for his support, and he won't give it, and it would seem like he doesn't care at all. However, I'm the only person who was ever invited to his family home, the only person with whom he has kept in touch for 7 years, and he protects me (ex: when we would be driving with friends, he would tell me to sit behind the driver because thats the safest place in the car). So what does he feel for me, if he actually feels anything?
Part II and Part III