Thursday, November 20, 2014

Dark matter

Some minor health issues have had me thinking recently about diagnoses of exclusion. There are certain things that we can never prove, we can only prove that they must exist because there is an observable effect with no other explanation. Certain stomach viruses are diagnoses of exclusion, so is love and religion/god. Along those same lines, a reader asked, " is it possible for a sociopath to be self aware when there is no self construct?" I responded:
Your question is interesting and implicates what it means to know anything about oneself. Whenever I write things that would be considered autobiographical about myself, I always wonder -- is this the truth? Is this what actually happened? I'm sure everyone feels this way to a certain extent, but I wonder if my weak sense of self combined with my ability to hyper-compartmentalize makes me even more susceptible to those effects. I often question the objective veracity of my reality -- I acquired that habit a decade or so after I went on a self-deception binge that ended very poorly. If I'm not careful, I am just as likely to hide certain things from myself as I am to hide them from outsiders, like Hyde hiding things from Jeckyl, or more modernly Tyler Durden and the Narrator. This may be why it is commonly said that sociopaths are not aware enough to even wonder whether they are sociopaths (although clearly the oft heard suggestion that "if you think you might be a sociopath, you aren't one" is an exaggeration).

It is true what you said about the difficulties of being self-aware without a self construct. A lot of it is indirect observation, I think, like how we know that there exists dark matter in the universe not because we can see or measure it directly, but because we can see its effects so we presume it to be there. I guess that is how society knows that there are psychopaths among them as well -- we typically stay hidden, albeit in plain sight, but you can certainly see our effects.

166 comments:

  1. This person is stupid.
    1) dark matter is simple its dark energy that is difficult but its now been confirmed. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-13462926

    2) We know things such as wind and gravity from exclusion. God has no effects so you can not use exclusion. God is dead. I really feel i will/should replace it.

    3)love is not proven by exclusion, you can see the lights light up in the MRI when someone experiences love or eats large amounts of chocolate. The chemical for love is well known.

    4) Not sure about the rest of you, but i have a very strong sense of self. I am god. I never understood how can a group of people who tend to be realistic thinkers have a weak sense of self?

    5) she sounds like one of those new age crap. Every time i see of the those new age crap it makes want to burn their building down and torture each of the shitheads there. Its so stupid but they do make good customers for meaningless piece of wood with stupid dead languages on them. It costs a few cents to manufacture them in Vietnam and it sells for around 30 usd. If there are aliens no wounder they haven't made contact. Who would want to be associated with a species that contains these fucktards.

    Every time i see one of these new age crap i want to take their magic protectors and punch it down their throat.

    Too bad criminology is advanced now days. If only we can have the duck feather weighting system again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you're God, why aren't YOU dead? So smart you delude your self, except for calling your self Wet- like the water that flushes your shit. Not hatin', just keepin' it real.

      Delete
    2. You may have missed the metaphor. When you say "wolf in sheep's clothing" for example...you wouldn't question whether wolves are capable of knitting.

      Contrary much?

      Delete
  2. "Love is not proven by exclusion, you can see the lights light up in the MRI when someone experiences love or eats large amounts of chocolate. The chemical for love is well known"

    Sociopaths and their admirers like to say dumb shit like this.

    Life and consiousness are chemical reactions and lights. Love is just once of them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What is this 'sense of self' of which you speak?

    One's truth is always subjective, so one's reality is always virtual.

    In my opinion it's a myth that a singular, unified self (identity) exists, and never more so in our time of constant change. Surely the insecurity of being is too great for one's selfhood NOT to be fluid and temporary?

    To my mind 'self-awareness' is too often employed as a false measure of how much one can explain, in the ruling dominant discourse, how one's essence is compatible with the dominant self-concept and dominant worldview *shakes fist at The Western Mind (R)*

    Most people know their character, feelings, motives, and desires - they're just judged by the ruling elite as not existing because they're not the 'right' insights.

    ReplyDelete
  4. lol zeric you write like a faggot and nobody cares what you say.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Now this is a nice post. I love it when your brain is involved in the writing of a post ME. It is very insightful and detailed. This is a great read.

    ReplyDelete
  6. "God is dead. I really feel i will/should replace it."

    I feel the same.

    "Not sure about the rest of you, but i have a very strong sense of self..."

    I'm bi-polar on top of everything else. This makes me wishy washy. I change on a dime. The truth about me often changes while I'm saying what the truth about me is. Everything is changeable in me, but I always have an idea of who I am more or less. I think. My mind does this trick where it will have very concrete ideas of who I am just to steam roll them away. As far as personality I change for situations. So who the hell am I when I'm lone? You would think the fact that I spend ample amounts of time alone would have given me an answer. It hasn't.

    BTW Zeric are you 50%?

    ReplyDelete
  7. frank the faggot is lickin ass like a sociapath posser but no one likes u frank the faggot

    ReplyDelete
  8. self construct is faulty. it is based on "data" pumped in from "society", so you see yourself through the lens society has colored, and "society" has a neurotic consciousness.

    no one can be defined, except by behavior, which will be different in different circumstances, and even that will change as new premises are added to consciousness.

    it is these overarching premises we add to our consciousness that make us who we are in the universe.

    hopefully, we add good ones like:

    respecting well-being is fun.
    be powerful, resilient is fun.
    working hard for success is fun.
    etc.

    no need for self-construct, only premises, and at the end of the day were we true to our premises?, did we somehow elevate the universe?

    ReplyDelete
  9. 50% of what? Kesu, dear, do enlighten me.

    I construct my self every hour of every day, and my being is an endless sequence of performing, to convince others of who I am.

    My self-incarnations consist of gleaming plastic identities to go, conjured from what doesn't exist, based on meanings unshared.

    The gap between reasoning what is, and reasoning what ought to be, is filled by...'me' ^_^

    How can our age be godless when I'm such divine energy and matter in motion?

    ReplyDelete
  10. self construct is faulty. it is based on "data" pumped in from "society", so you see yourself through the lens society has colored, and "society" has a neurotic consciousness.

    Touche! *washes brain*

    ReplyDelete
  11. Comment Part 1.

    (Today's comment is lengthy. Iused the Chinese Wall all up when I wrote it!)


    Most diagnostic assessments are made by a mixture of both conclusion and exclusion.

    F.x., as we've seen plenty of examples of on our own boards, it is very easy to mistake Narcissism with Sociopathy or Psychopathy, because all three tend to show strong traits that are indistinguishable unless you know what kind of symptoms the individual do have, as well as does not have.

    (Hm, there's another reminder of an article I still haven't written. I promise, I'll do it soon: An article about the diagnostic process.)


    I often say: "It's always easier to advice and guide others than it is to do the same for oneself!"

    I've heard others say the same thing, but they usually indicate that you shouldn't advice others if you can't use the same principles for yourself.
    I think that's a wrong conclusion, because there's a very good reason why it's not that easy to advice yourself. You're in the middle of your issues, and it really is easier to get an 'objective' view over s situation you're not dirctly involved in.


    The question about how well we know ourselves isn't so easy to pin point.

    You put forth the theory that it is somehow harder for a sociopath (I take it this goes for psychopaths too) to f.x. be sure about the correctness or preciseness of a memory, than it is for other people (you mean mainly neurotypicals, yes?).

    If your description really is representative for sociopaths in general, then this is one of the things where our two sub-groups differ, because psychopaths generally don't have problems with sense of self, even as we typically have the same chameleon-like traits that many sociopaths have.

    I can only speak for myself, of course, but I'm not sure that I agree with your theory, at least not where psychopaths are concerned.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Comment Part 2.


    Actually, I don't think this is is so much about sense of self. There're two other things I would attribute to whether or not we have, and feel we have, a good memory.

    The two things are these:
    1) Less emotionality (flat affect) may help you keep a memory that is more consistent with "objective" reality.

    2) Intellect. A good intellect, and a higher IQ, are things that help you be generally more aware and able to observe, notice and remember a larger amount of details/observed phenomena - be it from your surroundings or from your thoughts/sensations.

    I guess my theory is as arguable as any, but I'll say this much: I am as chameleon-like as they come and always have been! I have issues every day when I write my articles, even when they're not Autobiographical, and even when they're about the present.

    There's another probably minor aspect where I've noticed sociopaths and psychopaths tend to differ, at least in degree and frequency. And it is this: Psychopaths can generally change even in small details and aspects, such as f.x. the point of view one has in regard to some subject or issue. We can take either stance in a discussion or a debate, and neither are more 'us' or correct than any other viewpoint.

    Of course this is not a complete mindset, even psychopaths have some pervasive ideas and ways of looking at things (except perhaps those with a full score of 40).

    But for me this actually means that I every day have to make extra checks and double checks in order to be consistent with what I present in my articles.
    Yes, there are some viewpoints I consider my "real ones", but it is so very, very easy to slip into one of the others that are more of a construct for the sake of creating a smooth communication in a social setting where you want something, or for the sake of mere entertainment.

    And after all the above, here's the point: I have no problems with remembering which version of reality I experienced at the time of my memories!

    ...ecxept for the common human reality, which is that everybody remember everything selectively and in after-rationalized versions... to some extent! That is a common human experience, even if people don't think so.

    - Just take witness reports, f.x. They're a mess!

    ReplyDelete
  13. there are no "boundaries" or "rules" with what i "think about":

    i let my id roam absolutely and completely free, and drive it along consciously even, thinking the hardest, most self-uncomfortable thoughts possibly known, and attempt to even magnify it as much as even possible.

    therefore where is the self-concept? since my mind roams completely 100% free there is none.

    the only premise i will ever follow, is to elevate the universe. and have fun doing it too.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wet,
    3)love is not proven by exclusion, you can see the lights light up in the MRI when someone experiences love or eats large amounts of chocolate. The chemical for love is well known.

    True. And there're other emotions that involve certain transmitters which can be traced.
    The fMRI shows to some extent what kind of emotions a person has, but you also need to know the test and time schedule for the test that was undertaken at the time.

    They won't let me see my results, it's maddening!! I really think it's unethical to let someone go through those tests and then not allow them to see their results, but tell them they have flat affect and only their occipital lobe lights up white when their temporal and frontal lobes should've.
    - Is it my fucking fault my brain lights up elsewhere when I'm empathetic? Empathy is empathy, and if I feel empathy in my left elbow who's to say I don't?!


    fmri'em,
    Sociopaths and their admirers like to say dumb shit like this.

    And people who think they're smarter than everybody else always jump to conclusions when they should take the time and find out what is meant.

    Wet didn't mean chocolate substances are in the brain when you're in love, smart ass! It was a joke!
    That said, the feelings of pleasure you get when you eat something you really, really like, do trigger transmitter substances (they're chemical in nature, btw), which can be measured on a scanning apparatus.


    Wet (again),

    4) Not sure about the rest of you, but i have a very strong sense of self. I am god. I never understood how can a group of people who tend to be realistic thinkers have a weak sense of self?

    Well I always had a very, very strong sense of self as well. Maybe there're more than one meaning to it? I don't know.
    But it seems to me that my sense of self is at least a good deal stronger than are most neurotypical people's.

    Another thing is that sense of self is not a static thing. You can see it clearly in action if you undermine somebody's self esteem. Self esteem is an important part of one's sense of self, and once it weakens the rest will easier follow (that's why it's always there people begin when they work somebody).


    Zeric,
    One's truth is always subjective, so one's reality is always virtual.

    In my opinion it's a myth that a singular, unified self (identity) exists, and never more so in our time of constant change. Surely the insecurity of being is too great for one's selfhood NOT to be fluid and temporary?


    Good to see yet a reflection of sanity! Seems my comment will actually be understood. (Sheer wonder)
    lol.


    Anon 9:06,
    self construct is faulty. it is based on "data" pumped in from "society", so you see yourself through the lens society has colored, and "society" has a neurotic consciousness.

    it is these overarching premises we add to our consciousness that make us who we are in the universe.


    I like what you say.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh, hey jc, you retard. Nice to see that you still try to get attention.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh,..
    As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh,..
    I’m a lucky man to count on both hands
    The ones I love,..

    Some folks just have one,
    Others they got none, aw huh,..

    Stay with me,..
    Let’s just breathe.

    Practiced are my sins,
    Never gonna let me win, aw huh,..
    Under everything, just another human being, aw huh,..
    Yeh, I don’t wanna hurt, there’s so much in this world
    To make me bleed.

    Stay with me,..
    You’re all I see.

    Did I say that I need you?
    Did I say that I want you?
    Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
    No one knows this more than me.
    As I come clean.

    I wonder everyday
    as I look upon your face, aw huh,..
    Everything you gave
    And nothing you would take, aw huh,..
    Nothing you would take,..
    Everything you gave.

    Did I say that I need you?
    Oh, Did I say that I want you?
    Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
    No one know this more than me.
    As I come clean.

    Nothing you would take,..
    everything you gave.
    Hold me till I die,..
    Meet you on the other side.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Zhawq, my point with that is all of consiousness and being is "lights" and chemicals. Your existence and life is as much a chemical reaction and assorted lights on an fmri as love, emotions, breathing and thinking and self awarness. If love is an illusion, then so is thinking and being, there is no difference.

    Also, sociopaths and psychopaths are the same damn thing. Read the history. Some later idiots made distinctions but they essentially all do not feel remorse. They are the same.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ugh. I deal with this constantly. Therapy always starts with:

    Therapist: How are you today?
    Me: Alive.
    Therapist: How do you feel?
    Me: Ok, I guess.
    Therapist: You guess?
    Me: I have no basis by which to define 'Ok', therefore I am guessing at what 'Ok' feels like.

    ReplyDelete
  19. "I'm bi-polar on top of everything else. This makes me wishy washy. I change on a dime. The truth about me often changes while I'm saying what the truth about me is. Everything is changeable in me, but I always have an idea of who I am more or less. I think. My mind does this trick where it will have very concrete ideas of who I am just to steam roll them away. As far as personality I change for situations. So who the hell am I when I'm lone? You would think the fact that I spend ample amounts of time alone would have given me an answer. It hasn't."

    I think straight up bipolar (non-S/P) and BPD have too much in common. This is very often my existence. Well said.

    ReplyDelete
  20. forget "delineations" between personality types, who cares what the DSM or Briggs "experts", aka retards says, why do people constantly try to define what can't be. it is like religion, tries to do, it is retarded.

    people are searching for the "concrete" in order to develop solutions to their "predicament", and start following the "delineations" laid out in the dsm and briggs, but those delineations are faulty, and trying to define the undefinable, but they can sell their tests, and make cash. fuk that.

    truthfully, it much better to "accept" being completely "undefined". let the moment define you, as you abide by the universe without restrictions.

    ReplyDelete
  21. "truthfully, it much better to "accept" being completely "undefined". let the moment define you, as you abide by the universe without restrictions"

    Some of us don't like the way we are undefined. By which I mean, the disorder that I am diagnosed with encompasses a selection of very uncomfortable traits that do not make my existence as pleasant as I would like it to be. I accept that the label is unnecessary and will not change anything, however, knowing what I'm dealing with is key in figuring out a way to overcome it and lead a life of my choosing.

    ReplyDelete
  22. The "diagnoses of exclusion" is an Idiopathic way of grabbing intellectual straws for the complex and unexplainable. (if I can divide it, I can conquer it)

    "Pathos" is suffering, "Idio" is one's own. And it is in this egocentric adventure into suffering we fall into.

    This is why work, service, emotional seductions, alliances, blogging and creative or manipulative pursuits lift one out of self-infliction. They are social.

    Who is a primate raise their hand?

    Yet we are primates with the capacity of invention.
    Anybody up for inventing a new God?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anon 10:36am wrote: "the only premise i will ever follow, is to elevate the universe. and have fun doing it too."

    You seem like you are game. Go ahead let's hear your elevation strategy . . .

    ReplyDelete
  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Haven, you seem to have quite the combination of an engineer/bohemian mind.

    The engineer:" knowing what I'm dealing with is key in figuring out a way to overcome it"

    The bohemian: "and lead a life of my choosing"

    Che bella! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  26. "the disorder that I am diagnosed with encompasses a selection of very uncomfortable traits"

    diagnosis made by yourself, or some "retard"?

    ReplyDelete
  27. my aim to "elevate the universe"

    by taking down the "ignoble" power, disintegrating it, and replacing it with "an open way of nobleness".

    this will be accomplished by fukin' up the corporate elite, through a redistribution of wealth that will occur by giving any individual the opportunity/power to get any amount of cash desired, within reason.

    ReplyDelete
  28. @Soulful... Well I am an engineer and something of a Bohemian so Cheers!


    @Anon... if by some retard you mean a Psychiatrist and my therapist, then yes. I'm not self-diagnosed. I actually have a good deal of respect for my Psych and my therapist has been quite useful.

    ReplyDelete
  29. "by taking down the "ignoble" power, disintegrating it, and replacing it with "an open way of nobleness"."

    I love statements like this. You know why? Because it sounds like it was answering the question, but was in no way answering the question. It is just rhetoric. I am going to change the world. How? By making it better. WELL THANKS FOR SHARING!

    "this will be accomplished by fukin' up the corporate elite, through a redistribution of wealth that will occur by giving any individual the opportunity/power to get any amount of cash desired, within reason."

    Now this piece is just laughable. This has all the thought put into it that an 8th grade anarchist can possibly put into anything. Do you feel oppressed like you can't get up? Ahhhh.

    ReplyDelete
  30. "@Anon... if by some retard you mean a Psychiatrist and my therapist, then yes. I'm not self-diagnosed. I actually have a good deal of respect for my Psych and my therapist has been quite useful."

    well, not to call your judgment into question, but how do Psych make money? by "creating" diagnosis so they can make cash.

    my opinion is fuk them, and their fabricated-for-making-cash-bullshit.

    the only thing that matters is you that you feel good, but not at the expense of others.

    everyone has a "condition", but the more you focus on your condition the worse it gets, just forget about it, and you dont even have to be a "kind" person, just dont fuk people up, how hard is that?

    if you do this you can begin to completely "ignore" your "condition", because really what else really matters, there is nothing any one "has" to be, and no meaning in the universe except to elevate the universe itself.

    other then that, the universe feels according to how it's molecules are arranged, we can feel differently, to a degree, by changing the arrangement of molecules in the brain, but it takes drugs/substances and deep thought.

    ReplyDelete
  31. "this will be accomplished by fukin' up the corporate elite, through a redistribution of wealth that will occur by giving any individual the opportunity/power to get any amount of cash desired, within reason."

    this will be done.

    ReplyDelete
  32. "other then that, the universe feels according to how it's molecules are arranged, we can feel differently, to a degree, by changing the arrangement of molecules in the brain, but it takes drugs/substances and deep thought."

    could be anything that gets physical health in balance, since physical health has an extreme effect on consciousness.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Love all the 8th graders trying to sound smart. It's adorable in the ahhhh he is trying(But failing) sort of way.

    ReplyDelete
  34. http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln36ezQLkY1qldlyho1_500.png

    ReplyDelete
  35. http://static.images.memegenerator.net/Instances400/7/7952/8143116.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  36. haha im more smart then eny of u

    ReplyDelete
  37. Kesu said:


    You are just being an honest heart felt person. Which is annoying because I can't grip your throat. I loathe people like that. What the fuck is there to smile about? The world is not a sunny place where rabbits and coyotes share a cocktail and then play tag. Take off those god damn rose colored glasses and say something of substance. I hate filler and fluff. It is useless shit for people who have nothing real to say. I need to express myself but I have nothing worth saying excuse the smell but I'm about to talk out of my ass for NO FUCKING REASON but worry not I think everything smells like roses and that there is good in people.

    Excuse me as my stomach turns. I've met people like you all my life. These pompous bloated sacs of goodness and kindness. They see the beauty in a pile of shit. They always tell me the same thing. You have a kind giving soul. I smile and say thank you. Then one day the proverbial knife is at their throat and I am the one holding it or even better yet I am the one watching it who could help. I love that situation. When they ask me for help. If it took three words to save their life I would only say 2. The moment that fact settles into their head the look that they give is pure horror. As if their world of sunshine and flowers melted away and in it's place lays a wasteland of pain and misery. I'm no longer a person with a kind giving soul but a smiling devil who took all their kindness, generosity, and general compassion, without the intention of ever giving it back.

    The most amazing part about your species of people is the fact that after it is all done you take me right back in. You make excuses for me. You just can't believe I am as horrible as the situation and those around you said I was. You have to believe there is good in people. So I get to fuck you over and over and over until you are raw and the amount of blood loss is making you pass out."

    See now this above should be the featured comment of the decade on this blog. This is sociopathy. You talk to a sociopath long enough you will get this above. This is the good stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  38. soulful better described it as the 'evil monologue'(lol). i don't think anybody took it seriously except you, aspie.

    ReplyDelete
  39. i think he meant it

    ReplyDelete
  40. ye but nobody gives a crap.

    ReplyDelete
  41. lol haha kesu is a dumb bitch faggot and everyone important here insults him and laughs in his face and only a faggot like u cares what he has to say aspie you cunt lol

    ReplyDelete
  42. My psych could just as easily diagnosed me with a hundred other things, most notably Major Depressive Disorder which I also have. He wouldn’t have to make up something so extreme as a personality disorder to make money. They are in business to make money, I’ll give you that. However when every other thing I can think of to help me has not worked, it’s time to give the meds a try and they seem to be doing some good.

    How hard is that to ‘not fuck people up’? Hahaha, no offense, but do you know where you’re preaching here? I’m not S/P and even I can’t manage to not do that. Some would argue it comes more naturally and more explosively to me. That’s why I need to get help to fix myself. Ignoring the problem does not make it go away. That’s a fools logic.

    I don’t care what my condition is called. I care about all the symptoms and presentations that brought about the conclusion. Those things are real, they affect me, and by extension, they affect everyone around me. You have not a single clue what the fuck you are talking about and you just changed your opinion in your own blurb here. Fuck psychs and their drugs, but you need drugs and deep thought to change? Did you bother to proof what you just wrote before you hit send?

    I can completely ignore my ‘condition’ now. True. Of course doing that for the past 18 years has made me miserable. I do not feel good. I choose to do something better for me. And right now that means, doing everything I’m pursuing, including my Psych and meds.

    ReplyDelete
  43. congrats on the better se positioning me

    ReplyDelete
  44. Jeez, we can't get through one day here without somebody calling somebody else a faggot.

    ReplyDelete
  45. haha thats cos thers so many faggots like u aspie and kesu who need to be called out lol

    ReplyDelete
  46. spell right you idiot

    ReplyDelete
  47. one time i walk past a fag bar and me and my bros kickid the fuck out of a faggot coming out and wrote pillow biter on his fag face and took pictures on ar phones lol

    ReplyDelete
  48. lol sut ur fag face aspie before all the cum u been eating comes falling out hahalol

    ReplyDelete
  49. lol haha im not a faggot at leest ha and u got aspie syndrome which makes you hardcore retarded you spaz lollol i bet u still got a condom stuck up ur faggy ass from last niht lol thats why ur pissed faggot hahalol

    ReplyDelete
  50. yeah but you're a closet gay retard projectionist who can't spell and types lol too much

    ReplyDelete
  51. hahalol ur trying to projecting ur faggyness onto me u faggot lolololol i bet ur sukin ur moms dick as you type haha u can keep on hating cos what fags say dont count for shit and spelling is for faggots like u hahahahahalololololololololol

    ReplyDelete
  52. ah don't get upset, poor thing

    ReplyDelete
  53. lol getting upset is for fags like u hahalol another time i held this faggot down while my bro pored battery acid all over is foot after my sisters birthday party lol

    ReplyDelete
  54. "lol getting upset is for fags"

    ok, well show some restraint because it looks bad for you, your sexuality aside

    ReplyDelete
  55. hahalol ur a fag and im awsom lol i beat my cousin up for readin gq lol and i get fucked up and laid evry night lolha

    ReplyDelete
  56. "I can completely ignore my ‘condition’ now. True. Of course doing that for the past 18 years has made me miserable. I do not feel good. I choose to do something better for me. And right now that means, doing everything I’m pursuing, including my Psych and meds."

    r u 18 yrs of age?

    ReplyDelete
  57. Hey if it is working better than what was before and you are happier with it then do it.

    I guess I probably somewhat naively believe that nature "for the most part" does not create life to live in pain or to suffer. I think the suffering comes from environmental influences which include amoung other things individual diet/nutrition. Pharmaceutical drugs (and other drugs) have toxic effects for which there are more drugs and toxic drugs effects. I wonder how many would benefit from a calculated short term fast and then self monitoring.

    ReplyDelete
  58. yeah, fuk u kesu, u little fukin faggit, all u do is SUCK DICK.

    ReplyDelete
  59. @Anon.... 18? Not even close. My 'condition' began to surface when I was 11/12. You do the math. I'm no child trying to play cool here.

    @aspie... diet/nutrition are very important to maintain steadier living. I do exactly as you suggest. In fact, that was primarily how I 'medicated' for years, watching my diet and exercising. Unfortunately it's not enough. It may be just fine for some, however for me it has proven to not be.

    I absolutely agree pharm drugs can be nearly as toxic, if not moreso. I've been on some that made me worse, however I refuse to stop trying, and at least at the moment, things do seem to be improving for me. I believe in the end it's about balance. Finding that proper balance of healthy living, incorporated therapies, and a determination for change.

    ReplyDelete
  60. That's awesome Haven. You seem very engaged and very brave.
    I sometimes, based on things I've read and observed, feel exercise is not a very helpful thing for many people. Moving around especially in context of social activities and not sitting long in a chair etc are good things but exercise in terms of longer cardio and repetitive stuff i think may play havoc with important hormnones. I've seen dramtic positive benefits with diet but not much with exercise and have seen much bad including serious injuries etc.

    ReplyDelete
  61. what if you were simply to begin smoking big bags of dope?

    ReplyDelete
  62. "hahalol ur a fag and im awsom lol i beat my cousin up for readin gq lol and i get fucked up and laid evry night lolha"

    yeah wit a big fattie bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  63. if your're fuck'd up accept it, then change it as much and as best u can.

    then if you can do that, you will feel good/better and you will have the "energy" to do what you want in life.

    ReplyDelete
  64. I like the guitar solo that starts at around 3 minutes:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cf-KmL5w348

    ReplyDelete
  65. Anonymous said...

    "Yeah, fuk u kesu, u little fukin faggit, all u do is SUCK DICK."

    I have a question anon and I know talking to you is feeding the trolls but I seriously have to ask why you think talking about homosexuals and their related activities are in anyways going to bait any of us into what confrontation you want? You realize that most of us(here) don't care about gender that much right? Sexuality even less. Now I don't care what you write I'm just wondering why you think any of us would actually care about that stuff. I'm also wondering if you can put together a coherent train of thought.

    ReplyDelete
  66. hahahahahahahahahahaha

    FAGGOTS

    ReplyDelete
  67. i love being "undefined". i love being "everything":

    i love being a faggot, little old lady, albert fish, the little bitch kesu back in the alley with a crack pipe, gettin my ass fucked behind the dumpster, anythin, at all, even though i am not.

    i am "anything, and everything".

    this thinking allows me an endless arena of mind where my faults are seen as small.

    do allow my "anything imaginable" id visions translate into real life impulses, fuck no, because i have a credo: elevate the universe.

    i fuk'd over some people in the past, not greatly, but still i've acted in ways i'm not proud of, i think they will live, and in the grand scheme it could be all for the better.

    so now i live in the moment, and have an eye on a strong and decent future, this idea also improves consciousness in the now.

    ReplyDelete
  68. it feels good say the word faggot for some reason.

    "hey, shut up you faggot!"

    i love it.

    ReplyDelete
  69. kesu u fuckin homo bitch faggot, i know because i'm spying on u right now, that you have a pair of balls slappin' up against your chin.

    stfu dummy.

    dumb fuck.

    pussy.

    ReplyDelete
  70. lololhahahaha!!!!!!!!

    fuck all!!!!

    yeah, especiallyyou, you fukin' faggot!!!

    ReplyDelete
  71. hmm, well, i guess kesu is a bit of a fag

    ReplyDelete
  72. "so now i live in the moment, and have an eye on a strong and decent future, this idea also improves consciousness in the now."

    Such bait has arisen my curiosity. Do tell how you made the shift?

    Yet, I will point out you do not have as much courage as Kesu. He puts himself out there in the fire and you hide behind the safety of an anonymous mask.

    Perhaps I will call you "The Undefined"

    ReplyDelete
  73. lol like anyone needs courage to creat a screename

    ReplyDelete
  74. LOL and the children will play.

    ReplyDelete
  75. lol u sound like a faggot soulful lolhaha but then i remember ur a woman which is wors lol shut ur mouth unless ur down on all fors suckin my dig u slut bitch ho hahahahalol

    ReplyDelete
  76. test

    <http://www.sociopathworld.com>sociopath test</a>

    ReplyDelete
  77. lol, "FAGGOT HATER" hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  78. ok, you see this code below:

    <http://www.sociopathworld.com>sociopath test</a>


    just put the link you want like this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYWxE-ShdXc

    as a subsitute for what is there within the code now and post and you will have a link

    you can put any youtube or any internet link in it's place, just keep the other stuff where it is at and you will create a link

    ReplyDelete
  79. tho they do often say those who hate the gay r gay ;)

    ReplyDelete
  80. led zep


    test

    (also change the text where it says sociopath test to what you want like the name of the song of the link you are posting)

    ReplyDelete
  81. Perhaps Defining the Undefined . . . or also known as the abstruse, enigmatic, ambiguous, and indeterminate . . . will aid in your quest.

    • The undefined is so absorbed in his imaginary life that it is impossible for him to learn from his mistakes.

    • The abstruse adopt a particular belief system, based on a logic of their own and seldom have any doubts.They can inspire people around them to create a separate culture parallel to the existing society. They are very successful in creating a base of gullible supporters who worship them.

    • In some cases, for enigmatic types, strange ideas tend to substitute reality for these individuals. They deal with issues with a selective perception, rationalizing it or questioning its credibility.

    • These ambiguous individuals often tend to rationalize their actions with illogical reasoning.

    • The indeterminate feels free to do whatever he wants, irrespective of it being against the accepted norms of society.

    ReplyDelete
  82. i hate faggots cos they faggots lol me and my bros crack faggots heads on weakends hahaha we picked up a fag prostitute ones and knocked his teeth with a can full uf pebbles and and held a lighter to his eye until it poped even tho it was burning my hand and then left him in the parking lot behind mcdonalds loloololhahahahaha we never got aressted for it lolhahaha

    ReplyDelete
  83. "Such bait has arisen my curiosity. Do tell how you made the shift?"

    have some truthful, simple, and clear overarching premises in your consciousness.

    and matter how hard and painful life gets, live every moment to it's fullest possible extent.

    what more is there? it is all one can do.

    ReplyDelete
  84. "Perhaps Defining the Undefined . . ."

    that is shit written by an idiot retard.

    undefined = the universe , i am that.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Ok, your name is now "i am that'

    You can smell shit with a trained eye.

    "have some truthful, simple, and clear overarching premises in your consciousness."

    Like . . . .

    ReplyDelete
  86. UDFy-38135539 credo:
    As long as i am aware the sun rises and sets, i will exist in the moment, and move ahead, without any rules, except my own.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Ok, now your name is "Hubble Ultra Deep Field"

    I have been aware of the sun rises and sets for decades. I also exist in the moment and have my own code.

    So what makes you so special. Perhaps it is in your "pure awareness."

    ReplyDelete
  88. Aspie . . . re: Feeling.

    You have a sense of humor.

    ReplyDelete
  89. myself, faggots, niggers, ?-heads, low wage earners, disabled, prostitutes, strippers, homeless, geeks, and retards are special.

    ReplyDelete
  90. UDFy-38135539 credo2:

    fuck society

    ReplyDelete
  91. i like when he says "i wish I never met you girl", you'll never come again.... i don't mean it in a humorous way althougt it could be taken that way

    ReplyDelete
  92. UDFj-39546284 credo:

    ........................./´¯/)
    ......................,/¯..//
    ...................../..../ /
    ............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`•¸
    ........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
    ........('(...´(..´......,~/'...')
    .........\.................\/..../
    ..........''...\.......... _.•´
    ............\..............(
    ..............\.............\

    ReplyDelete
  93. Soul... Only you could try to maintain a civil conversation with mad 15 year olds who. -smh- How do you teach the unteachable? You don't. You let them rot and happily know that you are above them. It's a cast system. There is a reason they developed.

    ReplyDelete
  94. yeah until she is not

    ReplyDelete
  95. Slaves to your giant, Kesu?

    Are they in the airplane you are batting between your god-like hands.

    ReplyDelete
  96. Aspie, were you damaged or stabbed in the heart by a female. Your misogyny is dripping.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Jesus. This place has gone way down without me

    ReplyDelete
  98. is that what you think if dripping soulfulpath? i was referring more to an s/p relationshipo

    ReplyDelete
  99. Referring, dripping its all the same. Again, are you a musician? Your taste in music and multiple music posts point in that direction.

    ReplyDelete
  100. "your misogyny is dripping"

    your idiocy is dripping, moron

    ReplyDelete
  101. Edgy tonight. And I am your current dart board. Always the minimalist language with you.

    We all have our blindspots. If you are not a musician then you want to be one. Who darts you? Or do you never let anyone close enough.

    ReplyDelete
  102. your just talking stuff out of your ass... which is always annoying...darts? who darts you ?

    ReplyDelete
  103. This is perhaps why you are not a musician. You have never let your inner poet speak from your angry buttocks.

    ReplyDelete
  104. An aspie who is a musician. I wanted to say something sarcastic here but I can't think of anything that wouldn't be easily misinterpreted as something other than sarcasm. So in lue of that I say I wouldn't be surprised if he was.

    One of the most perplexing and interesting things to watch in an aspie is their "right" thinking. The idea that the way they think is the only correct way and thus they know the only correct way to do or say things. Thus, anything they don't understand is stupid and illogical. Not that it applies to this situation I'm simply interjecting it.

    ReplyDelete
  105. BTW they aren't airplanes merely nats.

    ReplyDelete
  106. the lol ok was for soulfulpath

    that's a stereotype... a person with this type of diagnosis can be very flexible in thinking

    ReplyDelete
  107. the point is not the musicianship anyway

    ReplyDelete
  108. "that's a stereotype... a person with this type of diagnosis can be very flexible in thinking"

    It isn't a stereotype it is a common trait. While it doesn't appear in every aspie the ones I have come across have told me that they think that everyone in the world thinks they way they do. Kind of like naming things in a way that suits them rather than going with the conventional name.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Kesu, so you are not the next anti-christ alien master who takes down airplanes in his bare hands?

    You are really just a mortal swapping at gnats during a summer stroll.

    aspie, is music your current 'aspie obsession' or is that also a stereotype I am targeting.

    ReplyDelete
  110. I'll tell you what's happening SoulfulPath..... you are all kinds of loving all over Kesu...and Kesu thinks that all "aspies" think they are right...

    you are both boring

    ReplyDelete
  111. soulfulpath, no offense, but your comments are dumb


    kesu.... you seem to have the ear of the aspie foundation of thought... ask them what they think of the little bit I posted of yours...will you do that?

    yeah

    ReplyDelete
  112. aspie, you never give us any information on yourself. Safe strategy. Pulls them in, huh. You are a self-contained fortress and therefore more boring.

    ReplyDelete
  113. that's not totally true SP... i've given plenty of info... extremely deep and vulnerabalizing info ...i'd say a fortress is more interesting wouldnt't you?

    sorry if i was rude though

    ReplyDelete
  114. Touche'

    You were not rude, you were just you. I will accept your apologies if you tell me you about your relationship to music.

    ReplyDelete
  115. lol....i don't really care either way but i will tell you i play some instruments. I have a very good ear. I like music. My memory is even better. I can remember things like you wouldn't believe. And I'm nice.

    ReplyDelete
  116. anyways, goodnight, and I hope it works out for you and Kesu.... good luck!!

    ReplyDelete
  117. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  118. aspie is not a cat person.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Hi aspie

    why do some musicians make fun of max weinberg?

    ReplyDelete
  120. Hi aspie

    why do some musicians make fun of max weinberg?

    ReplyDelete
  121.  My self-incarnations consist of gleaming plastic identities to go, conjured from what doesn't exist, based on meanings unshared.

    @zeric the meanings are often shared, a lattice of mutually understood constructs that facilitate movement.  It is your intention  (planted in sand) that you cosset.

    All organisms react with their abilities and characteristic style to perceive  and confront the environment.  Some, are sharper and more flexible than others.  Taken in aggregate most creatures  exhibit certain behavioral consistencies.  You approach the infinite, but are constrained by the limits of your talent.   Intrigue lives in the hunger to test limits.

    ReplyDelete
  122. @Pat  Taken in aggregate most creatures  exhibit certain consistencies 

    Characteristically, i'd offer a list but I somehow doubt you're co-dependent.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Hi there, You've performed an excellent job. I will certainly digg it and for my part suggest to my friends. I am confident they'll be benefіtеd from thiѕ web ѕite.
    My weblog ; Loans for Bad Credit

    ReplyDelete
  124. Hi! Ѕomeοne in my Fаcebοоk gгοup ѕhared thіs
    site with us sο I сame tο gіve it a lοok.

    I'm definitely loving the information. I'm book-marking and will be twеeting this tо my fоllowerѕ!
    Outstаnԁing blоg аnd outstanԁing ԁеѕіgn and
    ѕtyle.
    Check out my homepage ... how to stop snoring

    ReplyDelete
  125. What i don't understood is in fact how you are now not really much more smartly-appreciated than you may be right now. You're very intelligent.
    You knοw therefore conѕiԁerably when it cοmes to this
    matter, proԁuced me іn my opinion consiԁer it frоm a lot
    οf varied angles. Its liκe men anԁ women aren't fascinated until it is one thing to accomplish with Woman gaga! Your individual stuffs nice. Always deal with it up!
    My page ... loans for bad credit

    ReplyDelete
  126. You can сeгtaіnly ѕee уour еxρertise in thе
    work you wrіte. The arena hopеs for morе passіonate ωriters like уou ωhо aгen't afraid to mention how they believe. All the time follow your heart.
    Here is my webpage : 1 month loan

    ReplyDelete
  127. An outstanding share! I have just forwаrded this onto a coωοrker who hаd beеn doing
    а littlе hοmework on this. And he in
    faсt bought me breakfast because I discоveгed it for him.
    .. lоl. So allοw me tо reωoгԁ this.

    ... Thanκ YOU for thе meal!! But yeah, thanx foг
    spending somе time tο diѕcuѕs thіѕ issue heге on your
    site.
    Feel free to visit my web site : loans for bad credit

    ReplyDelete
  128. It's actually a great and helpful piece of info. I am glad that you simply shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

    Here is my site; short term loan
    My site > short term loan

    ReplyDelete
  129. Hello theгe! ӏ just would like to οffeг you a big thumbs up for the great іnfo you've got here on this post. I will be coming back to your site for more soon.

    my web-site :: quick cash loans
    Feel free to visit my web-site ... quick cash loans

    ReplyDelete
  130. It іs rеally a nice and helpful piecе of info.

    I'm satisfied that you simply shared this useful info with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

    Here is my website :: bad credit payday loans

    ReplyDelete
  131. great put up, very infоrmative. I'm wondering why the opposite specialists of this sector don't геаlіze thiѕ.

    You ѕhoulԁ сontinue уour writing.

    Ӏ am sure, yοu hаve a great reаders' base already!

    Also visit my blog: payday loans
    Also see my page > payday loans

    ReplyDelete
  132. It's remarkable for me to have a web page, which is good in favor of my experience. thanks admin

    Here is my web site - small loans

    ReplyDelete
  133. Saved aѕ a favοrite, Ӏ rеally likе
    youг website!

    Look into my web ѕite; payday loans

    ReplyDelete
  134. The human mind, at it's present state of development could NEVER
    comprehend God. Our minds can only fathom beginings, middles, and ends.
    (Though we can't fathom "the end" of ourselves. That's why people strap bombs
    on themselves in hopes of gaining a reward in the "afterlife.)
    The concept of a force that is eternal is to much for our limited minds to grasp.
    The human could not function if he could understand it.
    Life is a specifically designed obstical course, a training ground for character
    development. We have to strattle the path between self preservation and
    cooperation with others. We must learn that self-harm IS "other harm" and
    other harm is self harm. We can only do this if the ego and carnal mind are
    abolished. We are NOT who we think we are. The carnal mind just doesn't
    pertain to sex, it is the WANTING mind. It is pefectly natural to want the
    material basics, because the survival of our physical bodies is dependant on
    them. There IS no life after death, and everybody knows it. That why most
    "sane" people will fight to survive. Even the girl with cancer, who recently
    killed herself, wanted one more day. It is NOT death we want, it is the "death"
    of misery.
    When we see our desires as useless, we shed them like a snake sheds it's
    skin. We obtain relief from the burden of "ego" and has long as we have
    rudimentray survival skills, i.e." we know where are next meal is coming from,"
    we can be free.

    ReplyDelete
  135. Great post by M.E. Her evocative prose hit places in me both high and low.

    Grendel

    ReplyDelete
  136. Please checkout my websigh, palefacedayloons.com. You will find God there.

    ReplyDelete
  137. This post looks like a rorschach test. Why is it that the two people on here these days who write significantly about the combination of violent urges with lack of remorse are pwBPD?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are just lucky, I guess - 8D~

      Delete
    2. Was that the sum total of your insight for today? :)

      Delete
    3. It may be - I' could be suffering a "crackpot theory bender" hangover. ;)~

      Brings to mind a Jimmy Buffet Song: My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twJYU8MgEpY

      LOL!

      Delete
    4. Also, Ma Haller had The Unholy Spawn out and about last night, so I had lots of time on my hands to post. Tonight, we're making up for lost time. 8)~

      Delete
    5. Me too... "we can see its effects so we presume it to be there." I was wondering how if at all this relates to a statement you made that you don't have a conscience, per se, but rather a perspective. And also, is it crass for me to ask if you love your spawn?

      Delete
    6. Hi DocSF,

      LOL! No worries - on this forum it makes all the sense in the world.

      Yes, I love them deeply and dearly. I call they "The Unholy Spawn" because it makes me laugh - it's that dark sense of humor.

      I'm not sure about the dark matter connection - I have to give that some thought...

      Delete
    7. So, making a hypothetical question, if some ill were to befall one of your spawn due to some act or lack of action on your part, would you feel remorse? I can see how it might not be easy to answer in the hypothetical case given that you have never felt it before...

      Delete
    8. Hi DocSF,

      I kinda figured this is where we were going...

      A year or so ago, Jr. had a sore throat and Ma Haller was fretting about what to do. For reasons that don't really matter, I was in a "triggered state" and was in what I call "tunnel vision mode." In this mode I will achieve my objective no matter what - and I've left wakes of destruction operating from this place.

      Jr. has a fairly developed gag reflex, so looking at his throat is tricky even when he's calm and at that moment, he was upset.

      But, I was going to get a look at that throat!!!

      It's the only time that I can recall where I was acting in a manner that didn't take his feelings into consideration. I remember seeing fear in his eyes.

      He was afraid of me.

      That upset me. What I felt was anger at myself for doing that to him. I was angry at myself for forgetting THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE - of not being mindful of it. I was angry at myself for letting myself loose control with him.

      I haven't repeated that mistake. Is that remorse?

      My feelings for my kids is so different from anything I feel or have ever felt for another person. I connect to them in a way that is completely new to me - and I'm not even sure I have the words.

      The way in which they changed my life (and I think me) has been a big positive step in growing.

      Hmmm...maybe massive doses of oxytocin are a treatment for sociopathy?



      Delete
    9. I think the oxytocin thing has been mentioned here before. I actually tried oxytocin once. As the saying goes, sometimes a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing lol. For a period of time I was going through the academic literature, and reading about all kinds of different studies for various things. I requested some pretty strange things from doctors, and had to really fight for what it was I wanted. A number of times I had to bring in the journal article. Most of them thought I was nuts, but said hey, I guess since a study says it works..

      I had a guy who was really interested in me. I have a bit of a problem with bonding, and I had read all these studies with oxytocin. I finally convinced a doctor to prescribe it to me, and god what a battle it was. I couldn’t get it at a regular pharmacy though, it had to come from a compound pharmacy. It didn’t make me bond to him though.

      Delete
    10. I was half joking - I know the biology is far more complex than one hormone.

      However, I do wonder sometimes what that would be like - any reflections to share?

      In my younger days I did enjoy tinkering with my neurochemistry. Still think about it from time to time. Had an old chemical engineering professor that was into that. Passed away years ago - still miss him. Lots of fun to hang out with and I learned a lot from him.

      Don't get me on my libertarian soap box about the waste that is prohibition...

      Delete
    11. HLHaller, yeah that strikes me as remorse -- a deep inner sense of anguish or in your case anger with yourself -- for harming another and then changing behavior.

      I can also say that with my son I have felt remorse about some things to a degree that I have never felt before or probably will ever again. I think it is way more than oxycontin, it's a primitive built in fierce instinct to care and nurture one's offspring. I guess not everyone has it. Ok, my pov here of course.

      I appreciate your description of tunnel vision. I wasn't aware how that might work.

      Delete
  138. ah dude I totally have a foot phobia :P Seriously, I'm completely neurotic about feet, you have nooo idea. I wear foot deodorant constantly...I like always wear socks. Always have lotion on, and everything is manicured, and I never show them lol. If I was ruler of the land, I would make it illegal to show feet. Who told everyone it's ok to run around showin off their butt ass fugly phalanges.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dr. Scifi, I wanna put a bullet in someone's head about every ten seconds, and I would have ZERO remorse...why does this fascinate you so much? :P I'm not evil...I don't do it. I figure I've made it this far, and haven't killed anyone yet, it's probly not gonna happen. Also, there are things I care about a great deal, but they often tend to be on a larger scale such as social issues. So am I a bad person? Am I evil? I dunno. It seems like to me, most people are concerned about behaviors rather than people's internal states so this is what I frequently focus on. Regardless of what I may be struggling with inside, I try not to engage in any abusive behaviors.

      Delete
    2. Dr. Ginger, yes it fascinates me that people can have strong violent urges, no remorse and yet not do harm to others for most of their lives -- whereas other people in the same situation do act in dreadfully harmful ways.

      In high school I dated briefly a person who loved to kiss my unwashed toes. It's funny I can still remember how grossed out I felt.

      Delete
    3. ummm a well developed orbitofrontal cortex? :):)

      Delete
    4. "In high school I dated briefly a person who loved to kiss my unwashed toes" I literally just crumbled, and fell apart in my room. This is what just happened to me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY3nThSKHjU

      Delete

Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.