Wednesday, November 12, 2014

The Seducer's Diary

The Wikipedia synopsis (spoiler alert):

Written by 'Johannes the Seducer', this volume illustrates how the aesthete holds the "interesting" as his highest value and how, to satisfy his voyeuristic reflections, he manipulates his situation from the boring to the interesting. He will use irony, artifice, caprice, imagination and arbitrariness to engineer poetically satisfying possibilities; he is not so much interested in the act of seduction as in willfully creating its interesting possibility.

Søren Kierkegaard from the Diary of a Seducer:

I once knew of a girl whose story forms the substance of the diary. Whether he has seduced others I do not know... we learn of his desire for something altogether arbitrary. With the help of his mental gifts he knew how to tempt a girl to draw her to him without caring to possess her in any stricter sense.

I can imagine him able to bring a girl to the point where he was sure she would sacrifice all then he would leave without a word let a lone a declaration a promise. 


The unhappy girl would retain the consciousness of it with double bitterness because there was not the slightest thing she could appeal to. She could only be constantly tossed about in a terrible witches' dance at one moment reproaching herself forgiving him at another reproaching him and then since the relationship would only have been actual in a figurative sense she would constantly have to contend with the doubt that the whole thing might only have been an imagination.

I also like this idea of people loving, but loving in two entirely different ways. Consequently, although neither is lying or otherwise misrepresenting themselves, there is still a gross misunderstanding:

The tragic is that the two lovers don't understand each other; the comic is that two who do not understand each other love each other. That such a thing can happen is not inconceivable, for erotic love itself has its dialectic, and even if it were unprecedented, the construction, of course, has the absolute power to construct imaginatively. When the heterogeneous is sustained the way I have sustained it, then both parties are right in saying that they love. Love itself has an ethical and an esthetic element. She declares that she loves and has the esthetic element and understands it esthetically; he says that he loves and understands it ethically. Hence they both love and love each other, but nevertheless it is a misunderstanding.

51 comments:

  1. http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/compassion-is-a-funny-thing-2

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  2. Compassion is a Funny Thing
    By Jennifer Young

    This is the point in which your compassion spills over...out of your cup and into the cup of someone whose cup may be empty. For someone who is pathological, your compassion is what they need. They do not have compassion for others so they take yours, using it to manipulate and strengthen their mask. They mask the horror of who they are with the fantasy of who you need them to be.

    Herein lies the risk: He is just looking for someone to believe his story, and it is usually a really good one. He needs someone to believe that he is the victim and he is worthy of "compassion" and "help" so you will cooperate. Once you listen to his story, your compassion kicks in and you will do everything you can to help him and join the team. Compassion is the feeling which drives your helpfulness and cooperation. Remember, for you, compassion is an action word.

    Herein lies the benefit: Once you realize who and what he is, your compassion shifts. It is hard to have compassion for a thief and a liar. It is hard to have compassion for a con-artist and a manipulator. So, when the day finally comes when you see who he is your compassion shifts. Again, your shift of compassion combined with knowledge and resourcefulness leads you to get out of the relationship. You are no longer willing to participate in his charade, no longer willing to feel his pain. But the most interesting part about real compassion is that it will evolve into compassion for his disorder.

    The truth is that he has a disorder which will never go away. He is missing something that others have and he has lived his life compensating for his deficiency. The symptom of his disorder is inevitable harm for those who end up in an intimate relationship with him. His disorder is incurable.

    After a while, you will learn that the best way to leave the relationship and begin your healing journey is through compassionate disengagement. You will begin to understand how you would never ask a blind person to see anymore than you would ask a pathological to feel. You will accept the unchanging nature of the condition out of compassion...compassion which understands limitations. Compassionate disengagement means you have chosen to see his disorder, understand his disorder and move toward healing the effects of his disorder by leaving. The action of your compassion has now turned toward your healing.

    Take a minute to think about the "feelings" you may still have for him. If compassion is still an overwhelming feeling, then take a minute to focus on what you are resisting. Your continued compassion that pulls you toward him is a sign you are not truly convinced as to who and what he is.

    Take a minute to list the reality of your relationship. You can list the experiences you have had that led you to believe he was pathological. List the undeniable behaviors or experiences you have witnessed...and even the things he should have done but did not do. When you compare your list of reality to the behaviors that are typical in pathology, the reality will be undeniable. With the facts comes compassion that his disorder is unchangeable and you can begin to disengage.

    The trio of Super Traits - Cooperation, Helpfulness and Compassion - are traits that tell us what you have to offer others...and yourself. These traits represent your ability to give back, to care, to share and to understand. They are not the kind of traits you would want to "go away". They are not the kind of traits you would want to stifle. These are the traits which have allowed you to understand others and make things happen. They have allowed you and driven you to make things better. They have created in you a light that others feel and are drawn to.

    As with all the other traits that overflow in you, the solution is not to put the light out but to turn it into something manageable...and something not so bright that those who have NO light are filled with YOUR light.

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  3. I have been advised by numerious people at various times to "get help."
    Let's examine what that phrase means to different people.
    First off, people view the world through the "prism" of their own objectives and
    cultural conditioning. The prejudices they have been taught.
    Let's say I hold an unpopular viewpoint. People look at that contracdictory
    viewpoint and say, "He's dangerous. He needs help." How does one know when
    he's "helped?" Why, when he comes about to the more socially acceptable
    viewpoint. To compell him to do this, the pressure of social ostracism and
    pharmasuitical drugs are used.
    But suppose an entire society is "insane" like Nazi Germany? Who then, is the
    "insane" one? The lone individual who refuses to "go along to get along," or the
    "Masses who happen to be asses?"
    The past couple of days I've layed out a sceniro where M.E. could help K.C.
    What did I say that was factually incorrect? Could the sceniro actually happen?
    If M.E. REALLY wanted to do it, COULD she? Casey is NOT behind LITERAL
    prison bars. But she IS behind figurative prison bars. Casey isn't a "great"
    accomplished Sociopath, or a high functioning Sociopath, but she is the most
    IMFAMOUS Sociopath. She's in limbo, and a big question mark hangs over her
    head. What an achievement if M.E. could restore her, bring out the best in her!
    Is that such an "insane" or far fetched fantasy? Google "A Girl Like You," from
    The Young Rascals, (1967)

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  4. I will choose who or what I will love, and that will become my target.
    So fuck that girl and the horse she rode in on.
    So does that make me a sociopath?

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    Replies
    1. What if you target another socio? What does that end up looking like?

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. I never said I was a socio, I really don't think that I am.
      Also…...I don't think a real sociopath would care what it looks like.
      I also think that a true sociopath wouldn't be hanging around this blog.
      I am here to develop more sociopathic traits. I thing sociopaths got it made and are to be admired.

      Delete
    4. That's something I'm curious about, too. I'd love to see a breakdown of what romantic competitions between each PD would look like.

      Psychopath vs Psychopath
      Sociopath vs Sociopath
      Psychopath vs Sociopath
      Borderline vs Narcissist
      Histrionic vs Borderline...

      ...and so on until it's all covered. Even have it broken down by gender in each category. I think the most interesting (in just my personal opinion) would be a male psychopath vs a female borderline. I can only imagine how juicy the manipulation could get.

      N


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    5. I believe that true love is unexplainable. True love is perfect, and that which is perfect is unexplainable. It is not the person who is perfect (sociopath or non-sociopath, because neither is perfect); it is the true love in him or her that is perfect. And yes, true love can happen in anyone's soul. Sure, some could argue with me, but no one can prove that what I am saying is untrue or impossible. Nothing is impossible in this world, because true love and its perfection is not something that is born in, stays in or can be controlled by one's brain. Real love is something that resides in the soul, which is separate from the brain. Nothing or no one can control it once it's known and felt.

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    6. So, how does one make your "true love" happen?
      I call B S. It even says in your bible that love is a choice. Sounds like a bunch of new age mumbo jumbo.

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    7. True love happens. It just is and exists in its perfect state without any attribution or explanation. In other words, it doesn't need to be "made," because it is not an object. Soulmate love is this way, being meant to be. Again, it is unexplainable, outside of any religions in this world or new age beliefs. What's more, I don't practice any religion, and I don't involve myself in any new age practices. Perfectly unexplainable.

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    8. And it's not my bible, because I don't read it, and like I just wrote, I neither believe in or practice any religion in this world, nor do I practice new age concepts. True love doesn't have to be associated with any religion, the bible, because you have brought up this religious book in particular, or with new age concepts. It's in the person's soul, and when I say soulmates, I don't associate that with new age ideas. It's something altogether DIFFERENT.

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    9. "and so on until it's all covered. Even have it broken down by gender in each category. I think the most interesting (in just my personal opinion) would be a male psychopath vs a female borderline. I can only imagine how juicy the manipulation could get." My friend, I couldn't agree more. There is no more perfect pathological match out there :P To give an example, there is just no question in my mind that Bugsey Segel's main squeeze was a vegas borderline female. Such a perfect match.

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    10. Dr. Ginger,

      Why did you think of her as a "Vegas main squeeze"?

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    11. Anonymous,

      "That's something I'm curious about, too. I'd love to see a breakdown of what romantic competitions between each PD would look like."

      What is a romantic competition? Also, why would you want these people to compete with each other, if that is what you truly meant, instead of finding common ground in a more positive way, and actually getting along based on what they find?

      Delete
    12. Stay Smart, I'll get to it in just a bit, but here was what one contemporary commentator had to say about Virginia Hill:

      ...more than just another set of curves. She had ... a good memory, a considerable flair for hole-in-the-corner diplomacy to allay the suspicions of trigger-happy killers and a dual personality, closelipped about essentials and able to chatter freely and apparently foolishly about inconsequentials.

      Delete
    13. Reluctant November 12, 2014 at 5:43 AM

      "I will choose who or what I will love, and that will become my target.
      So fuck that girl and the horse she rode in on.
      So does that make me a sociopath?

      Reply
      Replies

      AnonymousNovember 12, 2014 at 6:50 AM

      What if you target another socio? What does that end up looking like?

      ReluctantNovember 12, 2014 at 7:08 AM

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      ReluctantNovember 12, 2014 at 7:22 AM

      I never said I was a socio, I really don't think that I am.
      Also…...I don't think a real sociopath would care what it looks like.
      I also think that a true sociopath wouldn't be hanging around this blog.
      I am here to develop more sociopathic traits. I thing sociopaths got it made and are to be admired."

      What is your true point with all of this?

      Delete
    14. I dunno....just everything about her sounds like a borderline personality type to me...risk taker, drawn to the underworld, duplicitous, seductive, sexual, she was violent, she liked the element of danger involved in being caught up with the mob.....here's a link..http://www.crimelibrary.com/gangsters_outlaws/mob_bosses/women/3.html

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    15. Dr. Ginger,

      She also claimed to have neither worn nor owned a pair of shoes until the age of seventeen. Strange, right?

      "More and more though, borderlines are being seen as psychopathic by people, even professionals. I frequently here psychologists say that borderlines are "sociopathic"."

      Do you really believe this, and because we're talking about Virginia Hill here and you said that she was a borderline, do you think the above applies to her?

      Delete
    16. Stay Smart:

      The comment earlier regarding what would happen if one sociopath targeted another sociopath made me wonder what romantic relationships where both parties have PDs would look like. But if we're being fair, a competition is pretty much what those relationships would be. They'd each have their own agendas and strategies to reach their end goals. I imagine endless cycles of manipulations, wounded narcissism for miles and miles, tit-for-tat games, blowups and constant shenanigans.



      N

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    17. Well I wouldn't necessarily say it's a matter of "belief". It's based off my observations of what people are saying, and my experiences with professionals, and the things they are saying as well. I'm sure some would say Hill is a sociopath, but I get more of the borderline vibe from her. Her personality seemed very dramatic, and breaking women's jaws out of jealousy over a man is pretty borderline-y.

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    18. Dr. G:

      Unless I'm mixing you up with someone else, you have mentioned having BPD and even referred to it as being a part-time psychopath, correct?

      How do you think you'd fare in a romantic relationship with a male psychopath? Hot do you think he'd fare? What do you imagine that being like in general?

      N

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    19. "How do you think you'd fare in a romantic relationship with a male psychopath?" oh boy, you're getting all personal here lolol. How do I answer this, and still sound like I reasonably still have my sanity in tact :P I guess I'll put it this way. If I didn't have the background in psychology that I have, god only knows what I would have gotten in to. We won't even get in to what my teens were like. Fortunately, I do have the education that I do, and where I might be smitten for a few minutes with a real, true psychopath, reality would kick in, and would remember just how messy involvement with PD's can be. I have had a couple of relationships with borderlines, and it was like two hurricanes colliding.

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    20. Dr. G:

      Awe, just TRY to imagine it on a strictly hypothetical basis. I'm really curious about this now!

      N

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    21. Dr. Ginger,

      Can you talk more about the relationships you had with the two borderlines? I can see the difficulty in what you've mentioned. Like we talked about Virginia Hill, the importance is to be able to differentiate between a highly dramatic person and a borderline. In your opinion, how would you go about doing that?

      Delete
    22. LOL! "Hurricanes colliding" - that's about right. My ex is BPD and after the first year, we settled into a fairly stable relationship - but that first year! Whew! In the end we split up because she, rightly, did not want kids and I very much did (and I LOVE my kids!!!).

      A few other shorter term relationships were also BPD, but we didn't get over the hump. I typically went for "partners in crime." Ma Haller is as straight as they come -

      What that looks like: drama drama drama - maybe a few giggles if at least one of the two is articulate. The movie War of the Roses comes to mind...

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    23. N, I suspect me and Vlad Tepes would have had good chemistry. I think we would have gotten along well.........until one of us killed the other, but tis the nature of such relationships.

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    24. "Can you talk more about the relationships you had with the two borderlines?" uuuuhhhh yea we won't even go there....even on sociopathworld I gotta maintain my dignity to some degree, and not reveal just how crazy and stoopid some things can get..

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    25. Dr. G:

      Amusing to see that you chose an impaler as your theoretical psychopath boyfriend!

      Personally, I'd love to throw down with a sociopath like Tom Cruise. I'd have an absolute field day calling his ass out and trying to turn the tables on him when he starts his D&D'ing. My goal, however futile it may or may not be, would be to chip that ego apart piece by piece. Some sociopaths are very sexy to me. Tom is a silly child chasing fantasies. That's why he likes Scientology so much. Lol

      N

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    26. Maintaining your dignity. I can understand that about you, Dr. Ginger.

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    27. "That's why he likes Scientology so much. Lol"

      Anonymous, you'd be unsuccessful.

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    28. "Amusing to see that you chose an impaler as your theoretical psychopath boyfriend!"

      Anonymous, he wasn't JUST an impaler.

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    29. Dr. Ginger,

      As I just wrote to Anonymous, Vlad Tepes was not just an impaler. He would nail Turks to walls, and it wasn't their turbans he'd crease and ruin. The target was their brains.

      Also, there was a story about him which everyone believed to be true, appearing now in history books. Vlad Tepes placed a golden cup by a public water fountain used for drinking water and other uses fitting those times. As time went by, people would use the cup without removing it from its place, and it continued to happen without any change for many years. One day, the cup was no longer there. Apparently, Vlad Tepes had died that day.

      Yes, he was more than just an impaler.

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    30. Yes, he was definitely an interesting historical figure. Highly educated, intelligent, adventurous, skilled in psychological warfare, etc etc. I enjoy reading about him, and I agree, much much more to him than what he ultimately became known for. It's interesting to study historical psychopaths to see just how far this stuff can be taken.

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    31. Dr. Ginger, I studied Vlad Tepes in great detail. I liked doing so - great detail.

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    32. Stay Smart:

      I don't believe I indicated that he was just an impaler. It's really not that serious anyway. I found humor in that part and that's about it.

      N

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  5. I wonder why more posters haven't responded to the post entitled, Attached (Part II) - the post that shows up before yesterday's post, Quote: Brutality. I just did, because I thought of patience and how it develops.

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  6. I mentioned patience in the other post and called it a virtue. Most people would link that to religion or religious beliefs, because I coupled it with the word virtue, but I don't. I have my OWN beliefs, outside of any religion or new age ideology.

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  7. Memo to God. [The Imaginary.] As opposed to God. [The Real.] It was not a good idea to create animals, creatures with lusts to survive and to reproduce, with self awareness and the power of abstract thinking. As this web site indicates to anyone (besides an insane and imaginary God), no good can come of this

    We are breeding like rats. 7.1 billion of us at last count, and even as I write this a man has ejaculated into a cunt and the sperm are shouting, "Watch out egg! Here I come! Ready or not!"

    In ten years, humans will establish outposts on the planet Mars. Obviously the septillions of stars, many of whom have planets capable of supporting life (though now obviously longing for the sound of nonsensically babbling human voices) are waiting for us to spread throughout the universe like the vermin we are.

    Who will stop us before we spread. Is this web site the answer? Is some reader of this web site scheming to exterminate our species before it is too late? Speak up now! Recruit the rest of us to be your orcs before it is too late! It is your mission in life!

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    Replies
    1. Oh Rad, a man after my own heart.

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  8. Dr. Ginger,

    Yes, based on what I've read, Virginia Hill's personality was dramatic. However, breaking women's jaws sounds very violent to me and outside of the realm of being just dramatic, because one can be highly dramatic without being borderline. Right, I can see the borderline effect in the breaking of the jaws, but do you think that it could've been something else in her, in addition to the borderline traits that you have pointed out? After all, in some ways, she was also a really emancipated woman for those times.

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    Replies
    1. Really emancipated woman for those times...yea, I mean so was Emma Goldman, Ayn Rand, Nancy Wake...etc etc. Certainly makes them all fun, interesting characters to study. Are you asking if today if she would receive a comorbid diagnosis?

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    2. Dr. Ginger,

      All of these women were emancipated, which is admirable on levels that can truly make them engaging characters to study. I am familiar with all three of them, and have studied them, having concentrated on their incomparable individualism.

      What I asked was whether you see her as much more than a talking and walking borderline personality that has passed away - the qualities that actually made her Virginia Hill. I suppose that you can see it as "comorbid," half clinical and the other half of this person being non-clinical.
      What I am essentially saying is to look at the whole person, and profoundly see the big picture.

      Delete
  9. Santa Maria! Pray for us ! ~♡

    ReplyDelete

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