Thursday, June 9, 2011

In love with a sociopath (part 2)

My response:

It's a pleasure to read such a thoughtful email about the realities of a relationship with a sociopath. I imagine my friends and family feel similarly about me, or at least I hope they do.

Sociopaths are odd people when it comes to relationships. They're "antisocial" but they can also get immense satisfaction in pleasing people. The satisfaction does not come from imagining how good the other person must feel, it comes from being able to provoke such a strong reaction in the other person. Because you are apparently charmed by the blatantly sociopathic elements of his personality, you are especially valuable to him because he can charm you, provoke you, thrill you and chill you without having to put forth any sort of effort. He may get some special pleasure in doing this all without wearing a mask (or at least not his usual mask), but probably it's less self-affirmation he is after and rather just an awareness of how singular a presence you are in his life. If you are not the only one in his life that he can be that way with, you are probably only one of a handful and he will not let you go easily because of this.

I wouldn't hold out hope for ever having a more intimate or committed relationship with him. He would never want to "have to" be supportive, nurturing, protective, etc. To the extent he does it now, he does it because you view those behaviors as a gift, not an obligation. And it's an unfortunate tendency for most people in relationships to feel like the other person somehow "owes" them something. If you want to try a relationship with him, I would focus on this aspect, never making it seem like you expect anything. Have you read "Washington Square"? The protagonist heiress is seduced by a gold digger. I'm paraphrasing here, but there's a passage about how she felt about his sporadic visits:
Whenever Morris Townsend had left the house, her imagination projected itself, with all its strength, into the idea of his soon coming back; but if she had been told at such a moment that he would not return for a year, or even that he would never return, she would not have complained nor rebelled, but would have humbly accepted the decree, and sought for consolation in thinking over the times she had already seen him, the words he had spoken, the sound of his voice, of his tread, the expression of his face. Love demands certain things as a right; but Catherine had no sense of her rights; she had only a consciousness of immense and unexpected favours.
It's a good book for someone in your situation to read though.

55 comments:

  1. O M G.. just kill this bitch already

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh quit whining like a little bitch "fed up socio".

    ReplyDelete
  3. um..

    fyi ,M.E :


    She rejected him in the end, "bolting the door," turning the tables. She shut him out of her life. I wonder how Morris felt about that? Think he went on to another willing victim who was equally engaging? She made HIM feel special!

    We hope he did not ruin her sufficiently. (Back then at her age, the prospect of finding another man were slim, and she was already loner.)

    Perhaps she always would have been a loner. Which makes me think that maybe Katherine was also somewhat sociopathic. -a highly educated woman with an abusive father, wasn't she? Highly impressionable? Maybe Morris was just an opportunistic fool, and she was the socio?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Adele sang it best :::::: Turning Tables

    Close enough to start a war,
    All that I have is on the floor,
    God only knows what we're fighting for,
    All that I say, you always say more,

    I can't keep up with your turning tables,
    Under your thumb, I can't breathe,

    So I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
    No, I won't rescue you, you to just desert me,
    I cant give you the heart you think you gave me,
    It's time to say goodbye to turning tables,
    To turning tables,

    Under haunted skies I see you,
    Where love is lost, your ghost is found,
    I braved a hundred storms to leave you,
    As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down,

    Next time I'll be braver,
    I'll be my own savior,
    When the thunder calls for me,
    Next time I'll be braver,
    I'll be my own savior,
    Standing on my own two feet,

    It's time to say goodbye to turning tables,
    To turning tables,
    Turning tables, yeah,
    Turning, no, ooh.

    ReplyDelete
  5. She was also a socio because she was a loner? Give me a break. She was a introverted codependant and you're a clown. How many sociopaths do you see out there that are loners. A sociopath wouldnt be waiting by the window for some jack ass mooch to take more of her money. You are a ignoramus.
    As for that song, what a joke:
    "Next time I will be braver"
    They always think that don't they? Once you enter the room all sanity blows out the window as if you brought the wind itself with you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Someone will always be stronger. Someone will always be weaker. Some people will prey, some will be preyed upon.

    What I'm curious about is... why is this chick writing in when she clearly accepts her situation. She seems to be looking for understanding but she has no intention of doing anything contrary to what she's already doing. Seems pretty pointless.

    ReplyDelete
  7. duh...

    real 'paths have "hard" personality traits:

    hard meaning "unchangeable", think: autism, down syndrome, crack baby, retard, learning disabled, hyperactive, add, etc......

    it is physical and based on brain structure, and can't be changed.

    yet, up in here people are tryin' to be 'paths even though they don't have the mal-formed brain structure of a real 'path.

    wtf?, why?, are some of the "'path traits" somehow currently "in vogue" such as the "emos" were before?, and this is just another rebellion to "trends", which is just another trend itself?

    psychologists and society are retarded and so r u.

    why even define and limit your self-identity/self-feel?

    it is better to be "undefined" and you just "know" you r "good" without any crutches.

    "using people" to get to the top in the corp?....is for most just acting the 'path, and absent 'path brain structure. real'paths aren't just acting 'path, they really have something missing, that was never even there ever, they are vacant, like zombies.....not something to glorify, think dick cheney.

    the fact that the people are up in here at all means they aren't 'paths, a real 'path wouldn't even be up they lack the "sensitivity" coming up in here even requires in the first place, they are only like HAL on a space odyssey.....picture someone missing sense of taste and smell...that is how a true 'path is at the level of conscience, they just can't smell what is "wrong".

    conscience meaning having some respect for the welfare of others.

    real 'paths are "broken" and "ignoble", and eventually get seriously fucked up by those they fucked over.

    don't bother tryin' to adopt 'path ways to cope with the world.

    better to just be smart...and entrepreneurial and not a "pussy", but don't be "ignoble".

    that's all fuckers.............

    ........................./´¯/)
    ......................,/¯..//
    ...................../..../ /
    ............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`•¸
    ........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
    ........('(...´(..´......,~/'...')
    .........\.................\/..../
    ..........''...\.......... _.•´
    ............\..............(
    ..............\.............\

    ReplyDelete
  8. Does love demand certain things as a right?

    Perhaps when love is business, responsibility or a game with rules. Yet when it is an elemental force of nature, like the grand entrance wind Ukan boasts about, all bets are off!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love does demand certain things because people deman certain things. No one is entirely selflessness. Most aren't even close. There is always the demand for some return to what is given. Otherwise you have completely one-side or unrequited love.

    The alternative is two utterly selfless partners. I'll take bets on them finding one another. Or existing at all.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm having an argument and I'd like to see if anyone else wants to pick up on it....

    Is morality a subjective concept or an inborn trait?


    I hold the former is true.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Good words for this reader, M.E.;

    Good luck to the Reader (who wrote the mail published yesterday)!... '^L^,


    Haven:

    Is morality a subjective concept or an inborn trait?

    Morality is an adopted ideology. It's the cultural agreement of what is good and bad, right and wrong. You don't need an inner sense of these things if you have morals.
    Ethics is more your own version of the same thing.

    Ps. Don't ask me how to form a personal sense of these things, for I can't answer. I haven't done it myself and don't care to. I just like to know about how things work and so on, lol.


    UAintDick-etc.,

    Most of us who have been around for a few months have said what you just wrote more than once. It's not news that being "socio" is 'cool' these days.

    Either way, there're a few actual deals around these parts.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ukan said:
    "She was also a socio because she was a loner?"

    No, Clownface. She was a loner because she "could have been" a socio. I have "could have been" in quotes, and I put a question mark after "maybe.... she was the socio?" because it is FICTION. And therefore the work is left to interpretation. I have chosen to interpret it thus, for the sake of pleasing the women in the room. It is a convenient way to make me feel as if I have people on my side.

    POWER.

    If you don't think the above gives me power that is ok with me. My power is also up for interpretation. And what I say in my own head goes. Beacause that is all that matters to me. But i will happily smile and nod at your interp if it will get me laid.

    ReplyDelete
  14. science has given us what is really meant by morality:

    petty scamming is not immoral.

    to be immoral, the thing has to
    definitively cause (or probably cause) substantial harm to health or well being to the organism.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I don't think
    katherine cared about her money

    ReplyDelete
  16. imfo if 'pathy is "cool" these days it is already played out and "fucked"......and the next "cool" thing is going to be.............a "paired down", religion-free, minimalist system of morality, but where offenders are completely "fucked" by a rebellious society ie. corporate elite's that harm health by polluting and stealing vast sums will get targeted and fucked by a new breed of home-grown terrorists.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Not all corporate elitists get what they're after. plenty of vengeful sociopathic people have ulterior motives that may serve a large portion of disenfranchised people. ANYONE can be a greedy fucker. It isn't sociopathic to be a greedy shithead. One of my favorite narcy guys donates to political candidates based on reversing the corporate greed in America.

    ReplyDelete
  18. the only 'pathy that is real results from a mal-formed brain structure.....if there is no mal-formed brain structure then the 'pathy is only an "adopted" strategy for "interacting" with the universe.

    if there is no mal-formed brain structure, this shit shouldn't even be called 'pathy. it should be pseudo'pathy.

    i guess there is a lack of a better term so it is being lumped under "real"'pathy.

    real 'paths can stand aside and watch a "weak pussy" viciously assault an innocent little old lady, beating her to death with a pipe, and not even feel anything at all....even if 250 lbs pure muscle and could reach forth and crush "the pussy"...they just wouldn't want to get their shirt dirty....this is a 'path.....i'm pretty sure most all the people up in here on sociopath world would immediately waste "the pussy" ...so i don't feel they are "real" 'paths.

    ReplyDelete
  19. There are more pathologies than sociopathy, you sound stupid using some slang coined phrase that you made up. What role are you going for? It comes off as the wanna be hip psych student, but never sat in a psych class type.
    Real paths? Real sociopaths fit a system of behaviours. I find your retarded scenarios if old bitches getting pommeled ridiculous. You are always caught up in some romanticised evil that the sociopath would do in some shocking situation. Everyday you have a new one. Like Bad Ass Sociopath. Maybe you are one in the same. You are a wanna be. You have yet to fulfill any great purpose, and you are a under achieving
    mooch. Even your aspirations above your meager existance lacks substance. A man who stands around waiting for moral moments like elderly beating robbers or muppet serial killers that have sex with decomposed headless bodies. Its a attempt at shocking people that's retarded and a quasi fantasing it through safe means.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ignoramus whether you stated it as a theory or as a fact doesn't take away the fact that your very idea itself is the work of a complete fucking idiot. What you are now telling me is that you weren't all he way in on this theory of yours, you were just feeling around. Just giving your opinion eh? Your opinion is complete shit, pure bullocks, and the work of a amateur trying to sound clever. Fail.

    ReplyDelete
  21. James fallon.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs1Re2-NAD4

    ReplyDelete
  22. James fallon is a sociopath.

    ReplyDelete
  23. "Its a attempt at shocking people that's retarded and a quasi fantasing it through safe means."

    whatever....but actually every time i hear "psych"...jeez...psych is really all fictional bullshit funded by the government to rule the "stupid". like you.

    clinical psych is scientifically based but is "used" by the authorities aka govt to lend credence to regular "psyche" which was created to "control" you...and sell you pharmaceuticals.....religion...same deal....wake the fuck up.

    who the fuck are they to "classify" fuck them and their dsm i-iv or whatever the fuck it is.....

    i only hate one thing, not faggots, drug users, prostitutes, gamblers, petty thieves, or whatever.....i hate those who don't care who's health and well being they hurt...think madoff, cheney, netanyahu, hitler, jesus, mohammed, abraham, and ALL religion for lighting the match that would lead to countless losses of life, and nuke plant operators, and bp pigs, that purposely "cut corners" for cash, all these cocksuckers that will sell you and your mom out for a fucking dime.......

    no i aint a 'path and hate all such "classifications" concocted by expert/authority cocksuckers seeking to control with lies, deceit, and flat out disregard for human rights...if these are what 'paths are they should be wiped out on a massive scale.

    there i said it....and fuck all society since it's the voices of 7 billion lies.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anger is not shocking here.

    What are you doing personally to change what you see as a damaged world. When is the last time you lied to another? How fertile is the soil of your own flesh? Perhaps channel your self hatred into a passion which motivates a solution. Perhaps go to law school, your rants would be at least be better written. Your rant is powerless. Take a risk.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Haven "Is morality a subjective concept or an inborn trait?"

    Concept is the key word. Inborn traits are survival and clan protection (affection). Morality as a concept is molded between territory (survival against the rival) and creating a safe haven for nurturing young. Thus, incest as a universal taboo. Therefore, its important for breeding purposes to have alliances with other clans. I believe everything builds from there.

    ReplyDelete
  26. don't worry, i got a plan to put a serious chink in some internet biggies..........

    ReplyDelete
  27. by the way, i have no "self-hatred" since what am i to "hate"? i feel my "less-than-perfect" qualities only enhance my life as "truly" human, i would hate to be "perfect" it's too artificial and unnatural.....


    so again, fu

    ........................./´¯/)
    ......................,/¯..//
    ...................../..../ /
    ............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`•¸
    ........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
    ........('(...´(..´......,~/'...')
    .........\.................\/..../
    ..........''...\.......... _.•´
    ............\..............(
    ..............\.............\

    ReplyDelete
  28. Sociopathic interviewJune 9, 2011 at 9:24 PM

    What with the hand?

    ReplyDelete
  29. i hate when people think all lies are not good, there's a difference between lying in order to fuck someones girlfriend, and lying to cover up dumping of poisonous chemicals into watersheds......a vast difference, in fact lies are the greatest tool in the universe, only the ignoble use them for such things as the latter case. fu

    ReplyDelete
  30. Sociopathic interviewJune 9, 2011 at 9:49 PM

    Next question . . . are you an environmental freedom fighter or just some sociopath who fucks other people's girlfriends? What's the real story?

    ReplyDelete
  31. UKanada said said "Fail" to ignoramus' opinion/theory that katherine could have been a sociopath not because ignoramus was wrong, but because ignoramus backed off from committing to the theory?

    Why must ignoramus commit to anything? If you see another side of the coin you r weak?

    Please explain.


    Also, I did not realize we were in a debate; i thought it was a calm discussion. Have you taken hormone supplements today, Ukanada?

    Am I in training to be an arrogant little fucker,or am i just trying to grow a larger set of testicles. What size is best?

    ReplyDelete
  32. Sociopathic interviewJune 9, 2011 at 10:15 PM

    Size doesn't matter if you are losing a debate. Who bullied you when you were a young pup? Daddy?

    ReplyDelete
  33. who are you datamining, sociopathic interview/.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Wallflower at the orgyJune 9, 2011 at 10:34 PM

    Once you enter the room all sanity blows out the window as if you brought the wind itself

    I get quite the rush watching this happen. I usually have a choice, take part (as a lunatic) or see if there might be someone surfing the wind.

    A great books and masochists club, how cute. Carry on.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Dick Cheney's environmental cohorts.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I'll keep my sanity, thank you very much.

    ReplyDelete
  37. To the OP: He will never care more about you than he does now, and the fact that you cry and somehow expect him to change implies that despite the 7 years you've 'had', that it will be short-lived. If he's a true antisocial, he'd have little tolerance for this nonsense. Heck, 'normals' have little tolerance for this.

    I posted here over a year ago ('Bad Romance' was the name of the thread). Since then, we've broken up and recently returned to some sort of relationship.

    In my particular situation, there is a lot in it for both of us. I have a unique career path, and the peculiar nature of my own life piques his interest. Likewise, he is extraordinarily successful and leads a highly dynamic life. I don't expect him to change, and I'm in it because I, too, get something out of it. He fuels the adrenaline junkie in me, and there are no illusions as to who and what he is. We are both aware of his uniqueness, but due to his exceptional success and control in his life, he has plenty of things to amuse him along the way.

    In my particular situation, I choose my terms. I was once like you, OP - enamored by the ballsy, brazen, charismatic 'badness' in him. It's kind of fun, even for normals, when someone like that finds their way to the very top of the food chain. We like our anti-heros. And yes, I'm still intrigued by all that, but not with the vulnerability I used to have.

    You are in a highly dependent situation, and it strikes me as unhealthy. You are prepared to take the crumbs tossed your way. Either rise to the occasion and bring something more to the party, or go into counseling to try to determine why you require him. If you just get off on the adrenaline rush, then that's fine, but stop expecting him to change.

    People need people, antisocials, too. They can be exceptionally loyal to a select few. You need to earn that - but to earn it, you need to be someone they highly respect - and have something they want.

    While you seem to be devoted to this man, you've certainly given up an enormous chunk of your soul. I'd investigate that. As one of the posters in part one of this thread mentioned, the person you are today isn't the one you were 7 years ago. Truer words were never spoken. I'm not the same person I was 3 years ago. I've become more jaded, but due to our unique life circumstances, I'd have to say I've gained a lot. Personal growth can be triggered by the most unlikely people - if you are smart enough to accept them for what they are, learn from their strengths and strengthen yourself along the way.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Your arguing how stupid you look for opening your mouth ignoramus. I think it's pretty clear. You don't need to committ to anything but being a complete fool for being wrong.

    Freedom Fighter you are a idealistic twat and a imbecile. You are not educated enough about politics or psychology to even contemplate such a grand scheme. Conspiracy theories are a way to explain things to the uneducated people on how the world works. Much like religion. Welcome to failure. Say hi to ignoramus.

    ReplyDelete
  39. i am two wedgeys away from a colombine

    ReplyDelete
  40. i fight the "ignoble" power, and support the "noble" power.


    and fuck no, i'm not a 'path.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Bravo, "open minded." Yet it takes pure courage and deep respect on both sides of any relationship. Choosing and holding your terms is the dynamic aspect of mature boundary setting; a honorable quest. I would trust your kind to hold my back. You hold your own authentic power with a self-aware flexibility (soul intact) Your self-love triggers his self-growth too.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Thanks, Soulful. I appreciate your words.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I was talking with a friend yesterday about past relationships. He was talking about how he enjoyed being sweet to girls and couldn't help it once he started even when he was just trying to sleep with them. I was of course laughing. I haven't actually laughed like that in awhile. So I started talking about the way I work in a relationship.

    He said he wanted to be able to do those things that I do. Like how I just take constantly. Now I've always seen my relationships as fair exchanges. They spend money on me and do what I want and in return get my time(Obviously this is the simplified version of the convo). As we went back and forth talking about the things we enjoy in a relationship I guess I just kept going darker. He looked at me and said "You wonder why people think you are evil.". I of course said I don't see anything evil in what I just said.

    He explained to me why some of the things were evil or at least unfair. I have to say I've never seen myself as evil. I still don't actually. In fact I see myself as the only good person on earth but I kinda got what the guy was saying.

    ReplyDelete
  44. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  45. "Your arguing how stupid you look for opening your mouth ignoramus. I think it's pretty clear. You don't need to committ to anything but being a complete fool for being wrong."

    I'm not arguing anything, and I don't think i am a fool or wrong. There is nothing wrong with stating that I think katherine got as much as she gave ACcORDINGN TO WHAT WAs ImPORTANT TO HeR.. she didn't care about her money.

    I don't give a shit whether I'm wrong or right in this matter, fyi.

    Clearly you want to get a rise out of me by putting me down verbally. why so?

    ReplyDelete
  46. @Openminded, I applaud your strength of character.. Sounds like the opportunity for extraordinary growth presented itself--you seized it and have a relationship of pleasure, challenge and litte expectation. How beautiful.

    @Wind: IF you are largely Rational and Have a Full Range emotional life, going Free Range on occaision can be damn excellent. Go ahead, peek at the dark side of the moon.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Thanks, Wallflower. You're absolutely correct about the opportunity for personal growth. Not of the traditional kind - much more. I require the challenge, and it serves me well. I force myself professionally to achieve higher levels than I ever have, before. He benefits in his ways, and I in mine. It's likely as close to an 'equal' situation as you can find with an antisocial. Of course he'll always have the next step planned, but that's half the fun. Coming in with my own new angle.

    We don't argue. A battle of the wits is terrific fore and after-play.

    People say these things can't work, but I beg to differ. A whiny, clingy, needy woman would be eaten alive, but if you bring your own little skill-set to the party and are willing to adapt your expectations of normal, you can have a highly unique relationship with a high-functioning antisocial. But the minute you place 'normal expectations' on things, it's time to 'exit stage right'.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Everyοne loves it when people get togetheг
    and shаre opіnions. Great blog, cοntinue thе gοod
    work!

    Mу webѕite ... payday
    my web page > payday

    ReplyDelete
  49. Inspiring quеst theге. What happenеԁ after?
    Take care!

    Fеel free to surf to mу website: instant payday loans

    ReplyDelete
  50. Νo matter if ѕomе one seагсheѕ for hіs neсessаry thing,
    therеfore he/she needѕ to be аvailable thаt in detаil, so that thing
    is maintained оveг herе.

    Μy web-site; Property for Sale

    ReplyDelete
  51. No one is reading any more of today's post.

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.