Sunday, October 9, 2011

Non-reactionary

I found this Men's Journal feature on Robert Downey Jr. to actually be interesting and relevant to anyone who struggles with fighting their own internal demons while actively waging war on external ones. In discussing his martial arts training and how it has influenced his life philosophy:
  • "You want to feed the good dog, because the shadow side of any of us is going to pop up at some point.”
  • “Wing Chun is all about guarding your center line,” Downey tells me, talking about the place where touchy-ouchy martial art meets philosophy of life. “Don’t fight force with force; use two hands at the same time; concentrate on your own thing; and after you have that dialed in, effect the balance, look for openings, look for arms to be crossed.
It's interesting to think about that, not fighting force--focusing on doing your own thing and just waiting for the right opportunity. People tend to be surprised with the minimalist, non-reactionary way in which I frequently respond when they're trying to pick a fight with me. I learned to do it first out of necessity because I would often be in altercations where the odds were stacked against me and it was no use fighting force with force. I've since grown to really love it as a tactic even in situations in which I have the upper hand. Now I use it as my default approach, as long as I'm able to hesitate long enough in my initial impulse to immediately lash out in retaliation. I guess that's maturation.

In any case, it's an infinitely better result than reacting like this guy:

325 comments:

  1. The guy flipping out on the phone sounded like a good ol' boy I used to know who would get pretty crazy when he hit hard alcohol and someone started shit in his "domain".

    Your tactic is pretty solid, but not universal. Sometimes you need to take charge with aggressive personalities that aren't stupid.

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  2. No cock for you TNP

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  3. I'm fine with mine.

    Cheers!

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  4. Then you get David's cock in your arse

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  5. No way, no how.

    I hear it's big!

    Then again, I heard that from David, so it's not the most reliable source.

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  6. Well I hear that the Buddhist say: "Respond, don't React"

    I think this is good advice universally

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  7. Bluebird, did you ever stop to ask yourself, if reacting is not ideal, then why would we naturally react?

    That Buddhist shit is for virgins with anger problems out in Tibet. ;)

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  8. Because we are naturally animals, after all. Response is colder, isn't it? More calculated. You can fuck yourself with a reaction.

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  9. And you can fuck yourself over by waiting.

    Yes, we ARE animals. So stop acting like you aren't one. This self-control zen bullshit is just that, bullshit. Half the problems in this world are because most people defy their nature, and those who don't fuck over the rest.

    If you need to be calculating, then so be it. But it shouldn't have to be your default. If it is, you're probably in a hostile or unhealthy environment.

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  10. Could be. But a perfect example is going to work. You're helping a customer. They're being fucktards, and you'd really like to bitch them out or punch them in the face. But you can't. You know? You walk in on your significant other cheating on you with another women/man. Shoot him in the face? Go to jail for manslaughter.

    Maybe I have to control my reactions because they are commonly very emotional-for a sociopath, reactions aren't generally as emotional, right? Since the "emotional" factor is decreased, as is, just de facto.

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  11. lol i find it virtually impossible not to react. I need some artificial sedative or some profoundly calming thing in my life to just let things go. I once blew up in this girls face, she gave an unemotional, sparse response, not a reaction. I respected her for that. I take things too personally not to 'react.' But then, we can't all be passionless robots. Passion is good sometimes.

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  12. Passion is great. Passion is partly why socio boy was always so very appealing to me. I love that flame.

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  13. Actually I take stuff pretty personally, and since I'm emotional things set me off pretty easy. If something really gets to me, I find it hard not to get worked up about it, and it shows for sure, which is not always ideal at all. That's why I ascribe to the "respond, not react" sentiment, because I have often made myself look downright foolish by my emotional reactions to certain situations. I mean, if you are emotionally out of whack and far to sensitive, it probably does you a lot of good to rein these outbursts in if you can.

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  14. I'm not saying do every impulse and emotionally driven action. I'm saying that Buddhist self-control thing is a load of shite and represses who you're supposed to naturally be. When you fight your nature, your nature fights back.

    noteme! How are you doing sweetie-pie? Not punching out customers, I hope :p

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  15. "Passion is great. Passion is partly why socio boy was always so very appealing to me. I love that flame."

    What was he passionate about? Destroying you? And how is that appealing.

    I've heard women talk about their lasting affection towards a junkie partner or some other unfortunate soul, but you are the first to admit you actually like your sociopath. Most sane women can't stand the sight of their socio, after they have been devalued and discarded.

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  16. "When you fight your nature, your nature fights back."

    I bet ME will quote this. just one of those intuitive hunches.

    Anyway, what if your nature is not ideal? Given, mood-disordered, something to that effect. We can only work with what we're given, it is true, so I suppose the best option is always to use the way you are to your advantage in some way. But sometimes our natures hold us back. There are situations in which this is true, wouldn't you agree? Should we resign ourselves to that, if it is the case?

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  17. Bluebird, sociopaths are more sensitive than an average person, I'm talking about sensitive to criticism.

    They take criticism very personally. Stalin infamously wrote out lists of people who were to be killed, most were potential threats to his tyranny, but a large number was anyone who had dared to bruise his ego.

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  18. @anon

    No, not necessarily. That was more subtle, not really the point. He was passionate about life, and whatever he was dead set on, and whatever he believed, and his music, and his ideals-whatever they were for the week. He was just fiery. And when he exercised his sadism, that was fiery too, but that wasn't all there was to the attraction. I am not so dead set on being destroyed that I would have been captivated by that one thing.

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  19. You can fight force with force you just have to be willing to take things to more extreme levels than the opposition and invest yourself all the way into it.

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  20. Stop nit-picking details like a fucking aspie for a second and assume you're speaking to an intelligent human being making a general statement. Seriously. Me, of all people.

    What do you think, Inspector Bluebird?

    And Anonymous/Jason, shut the fuck up and get back to licking Misanthrope's sack. That's all you're good for.

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  21. If you slight a sociopath, you will get a silent treatment until you have "learned your lesson" or they may act in a domineering way and attack your character. Sociopaths are hyper aggressive and vindictive.

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  22. @anon
    I'm very sensitive to criticism, but it makes me sad and self-deprecating, rather than dead set on killing whoever dealt the criticism. It doesn't even have to be direct criticism, either. It can just be the perception that I have not performed well enough, or that I have been shown up by somebody else when I invested effort into a thing.

    The sensitivity to criticism thing, I think this is mostly human. The reaction (this person needs to die) is probably the sociopathic part.

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  23. I attack their insecurities not their character. Get it right.

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  24. TNP, what do I think about what exactly?

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  25. You just asked me a barrage of questions...

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  26. Well you are different. A sociopath will never blame himself, they are the ultimate deflectors, every little problem in their life is due to someone else, everything is about winning and survival with them, no room for tenderness in their hostile world.

    The reason how i know them so well, is cause i have suffered abuse at the hands of one of these "humans"

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  27. You want to be perfect, Bluebird. That's why you will always be disappointed in yourself.

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  28. I only got to know a part of him just once, he told me that when he is genuine with people, it makes him feel as if someone will take advantage of him, so he must project an image that isn't him. (is there a him?)

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  29. Oh, well, as far as our natures go. We have to accept our natures to some extent. You just have to. It's more like a physical law than anything else....but if it just plain old doesn't work, to resign yourself that way....what then? I don't know. I can't think of much, the only thing I can think of is to find a way to make the way you are naturally work in your favor, but it's so much more easily said in theory than done.

    @UKan

    Yes, true. But at least than I am always striving to be better. I think this at least is positive, though there is sort of an opposite force on the other side that is the disappointment that it is not enough.

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  30. The reason how i know them so well, is cause i have suffered abuse at the hands of one of these "humans"


    You mean you put yourself in the hands of a abuser? It's ironic that you talk about people deflecting blame when you are the one here that is most guilty of doing just that.

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  31. Pretty much. Aspire for what you want, not what some bald headed cave dweller in a robe attained.

    The reason most people are unhappy is that they don't address their real desires properly, and instead go after what's expected of them. No one can attain real perfection, and if that's honestly your goal, get your head out of the clouds, kid. You're going to always be disappointed, as UKan said.

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  32. He barely ever showed me affection, after he revealed the real him. Then he told me he would rather cut his finger off than say "i love you"

    When i cried he found it disgusting and would tell me how needy and sensitive i am, what a soulless jackass :( The hilarious thing is i didn't ask him for anything! He drained everything from me, I'm needy? Haha.

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  33. What a load of shit. Go back to spreading your lies on Lovefraud. It's bad enough we get fake sociopaths here. Now, fake victims?

    Get fucked.

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  34. When you try to be perfect being better doesn't feel like a achievement. It's like drinking salt water to quench your thirst. When you don't feel like you have made achievements you feel like a failure.
    That's why you're easy to control. Your susceptible to flattery as well as critisism so all someone has to do is hit your insecurities when you do something they don't like and flatter you with something your trying to be perfect on when you do something they want you to do.

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  35. I guess what bothers me is if the "way I am" is so vulnerable-for example, to socio boy. I don't want to be that vulnerable to anybody in the world, ever again. It flies in the face of my pride and yet it is like a compulsion. I want to know what it is within me that has made me so vulnerable to him. And what it is within him that has been so attractive. I've spent to much time chewing on this question with too little answers that have led to any insight. Obviously there is great weakness within me, but I would not resign myself to that.

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  36. Sorry, i just don't want to sugar coat this abusive behavior, like bluebird does. im not blissfully ignorant, i'm aware of who he really is now. he had the same emotional response from seeing me in agony, than he would if he were watching his favorite movie, disturbing, but real.

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  37. You deserved it for being so weak. At least he moved you up from being a pathetic mark to a bitter victim. Now you will fend everyone off for years thinking they are sociopaths and die lonely instead of being the gullible open sucker you once were.
    Don't tell me that your not needy. You gave up everything to him just to have him give you his affections.

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  38. You just don't want to be used? Well,

    1. You've been with one sociopath so far, so you know what to avoid.

    2. Narcissists will like to keep you around like a neglected pet. Avoid people that force your company but don't really spend time with you.

    3. Never, ever tolerate a violent partner.

    4. My phone is about to die. Cheers!

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  39. you are completely wrong about me dear ukan :) look at bluebird, she wants to get back with her abuser, if that's not weakness you tell me what is? i did what the majority of women wouldn't have done, i resisted all of the devils tricks and i am stronger than ever because of this!

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  40. and ukan, your manipulation won't work on me, i know manipulative peoples tactics like the back of my hand. my ex would probably make you look like the easter bunny, i've been through hell and you can't spare me a nice word?

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  41. You resisted all the devil's tricks and you are stronger because of it? How the fuck is that since you are sitting on a sociopath blog being bitter about your ex-boyfriend stealing all your money? No I'm right about you. Mark my words that you date a type. No matter what in the future nobody will be good enough for you because they will never be like him. ha ha ha. You will die bitter and alone or a endless victim of abuse. When you are old I want you to remember what I said.

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  42. i am trying to help bluebird, she isn't sensible, that's why i am here ukan.

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  43. The way you say he treated you I can only imagine the type of person you are. You must have been staring at him with those big dumb eyes while he stared back with love. Behind your eyes was idealism and understanding. Behind his he thought about how weak and pathetic you were. Is that how it went?

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  44. "being better doesn't feel like a achievement. It's like drinking salt water to quench your thirst. When you don't feel like you have made achievements you feel like a failure."

    Yeah, that's pretty on the ball with me I think. But I don't know if the perfectionism is really what caused me to fall for him like this. It was true, he hit my insecurities very well, and that did hurt, and most likely it ultimately made me more vulnerable to his influence. But I wonder some about the flattery. In retrospect it seems like the flattery was mostly him praising my likeness to him. At first I did not find that flattering, even, I sort of humored him haughtily. La de da, I thought. But he started singling me out more and he has this charisma to him. It got under my skin-I wanted to identify with him, maybe because I felt he was stronger than I was, and because as a senior in high school he pulled me into this exciting world of his design.

    @anon
    who says I want to get back with him? trust me, I've learned the hard way that this is like driving myself against a stake. Now that I know who he is, the whole statement of "wanting to get back with him" just seems laughable to me. "With him"? Nobody is ever "with him". He makes a nice show of, "we're all in this together," but the truth is, it's all him, it always has been, it always will be, and everybody close to him knows that.

    Besides being impossible-I don't know if anyone will ever be "With" this guy, my compulsion as it were is just a gut reaction, a sort of safety in his company, not something I actively indulge, but something that actively affects me. I want it to be gone. That is my motive, really.

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  45. yes, i didn't see the bad in others before i met him. i thought everyone was naturally good, i'm wise now. we were opposites, i was too giving whilst he took and took from me.

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  46. You are not sensible either you dunce. I can tell how bitter you are through every word you write. You have learned nothing but how to be a bitter guarded hag. Knowing nothing of your vulnerabilities you are blind firing into the dark in your realtionships with others. How can you give her advice? You are the end result of what might happen to her in her future if she doesn't figure herself out.

    How can you give advice to anyone when you just got conned by your ex boyfriend out of all your money? You are the one who needs advice you cunt. The only thing you are good for is to use as a example of what happends when you let your insecurities run your life.

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  47. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash

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  48. He was mirroring you, bluebird. And then projecting himself on you.

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  49. i'm not bitter at all, just a little more world weary ;) i just couldn't face it anymore, he'd come in from drinking at 4 am and i was so afraid to go to bed, as he came in angry most nights and i didn't know what would happen if i took a nap. i prayed and prayed that someone hadn't annoyed him while he was at the bar, those were the worst times, he'd smash windows in the house in a fit of rage, i think it was to scare me more than anything. i wasn't a complete pushover. the violence got so bad that i had him arrested five times, but i did lose all my teeth from his beatings, during our relationship.

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  50. lol, hi TNP. I miss your blog, it was one of the best. WHY DID IT HAVE TO GO?!

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  51. Yeah you sure sound like your not bitter. You would think after the second time you snitched on him you would just leave, but I'm sure you have a litany of excuses why you didnt. None of which are the reality.

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  52. ♫♪♪♫♪♪♫♪♫♪October 9, 2011 at 3:16 AM

    ♫♪♪♫♪♪♫♪♫♪

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  53. ♫♪♪♫♪♪♫♪♫♪October 9, 2011 at 3:17 AM

    take THAT everybody












    faggots

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  54. Bleu cheese
    You have no center. That is your problem.

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  55. Anon, why would you take him back after the first time you had him arrested, let alone the second, third or fouth?

    How long did it take you to realize what he was?

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  56. jason ukan terminatorOctober 9, 2011 at 6:51 AM

    UKan, just shut the fuck you cunt.

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  57. @Tik

    it took him breaking all her teeth for her to finally get a clue.

    Ukan is right. you were weak, as if he was the only man you could get affections from at the time but you let your low self esteem, insecurities and low self worth get the best of you. and now you are here. and now i bet you will turn crazy and not give normal men a chance. then again, all your teeth is missing so normal guys probably don't hit on you on the regular

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  58. Does a sociopath feel like a black hole, inside?

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  59. Does a pussy feel like wet silk, inside?

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  60. Fucking weak woman.

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  61. I am not fucking around. I am trying to understand the PD.
    Do you feel devoid of a self? Do you feel devoid of a sense of being a person, inside?
    Is this what the term "flexible self" means?

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  62. Patience is the best thing a sniper can attach to his gun.

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  63. Finally, a video of UKan doing his stupid shit.

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  64. Therapy time from TNP and Ukan. That's new...

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  65. TNP is good
    Ukan says the same shit to everyone.

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  66. I have a date tomorrow with a woman I've been corresponding with for a year now, but have not met in person.

    She was getting ready to go into rehab when I met her online. After her release, I refused to meet her, knowing she hadn't been sober for very long. I told her I knew myself well enough to know how I'd start treating her.

    She really wants to meet me now that it's been a year, and says she knows I'll be straight with her, and won't judge her. I like her a lot... don't want to start fucking with her head. I want to be able to fight my urge to dissect her, till she starts to seem pathetic and useless to me.

    Any suggestions?

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  67. You are an idiot, Eden.
    Who cares?

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  68. I care. But I'm not asking for help from you, anon. Unlike her... I know for sure that you are useless to me.

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  69. You are the fucking useless one.

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  70. The you need not pay so much attention to me. Move on.

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  71. I really want help with this. I'm not just playing around. I could really see myself with this woman, and don't want to fuck it up.

    I'd like some real advise.

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  72. Does this blog look like Dear Abby?

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  73. @ Eden

    I would keep it light and short when you meet her. Instead of going to dinner or doing something that would encourage a lot of deep communication, like taking her to the movies.

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  74. Yes Frank. It kind of does. But more like: Dear Warped Abbey.

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  75. wow i butchered that sentence, but i think you know what i mean.

    focus on having fun together and nothing more for the meantime.

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  76. @Sweet

    I think we're just going out for coffee. Shes had a rough year though, and I won't know how to distract her from opening up to me about it.

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  77. Have you read any of the old articles where people actually discussed important shit, not your pathetic life?

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  78. Start a blog for fucked up,pathetic cunts and ask for advice there.

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  79. Frank, no one is stopping you from doing what you want to do, or discussing the article. Funny that I don't see you make a single comment though, till one of us comes on here, and you feel the need to attack.

    You focus on the blog, and let everyone else do what they want to. You can't penetrate me, or change what I do here.

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  80. Here is my advice, Eden.
    Show her who you really are and she will run like Hell.

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  81. does she tend to bring it up alot online when you talk to her?

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  82. Oh I know- just do what most men do. Think about undressing her while she is talking. That will keep you interested

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  83. Eden
    Shut up with your stupid shit on this blog.

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  84. Put your fucking problems on your useless blog with your worthless poetry.

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  85. @sweet

    No. She keeps things pent up fairly well. I'm the one who has a hard time keeping things light. Most of me will have this urge to dig at her pain, and I'll probably start acting like I'm studying some new species. I have this almost uncontrollable need to get into people's heads, and figure out what makes them act, and think as they do.

    It takes things to a level that hinders forming a natural friendship, or whatever else. It become doctor/patient.

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  86. Is this a blog about sociopaths or people discussing petty problems?

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  87. "Oh I know- just do what most men do. Think about undressing her while she is talking. That will keep you interested"

    I don't think you're understanding me. I'm not going to have a problem saying interested. This is more than a date to me. I want this to possibly develop into something more than sex.

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  88. Yeah that comment was kinda a joke.

    I wouldn't do coffee if it was me, or maybe you could do something right after getting coffee as a distraction.

    You can always stick to light subjects. One of my favorite distractions is joking around and laughing. If you can make a girl laugh, then you got it in the bag.

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  89. Just keep in mind though, that if you feel like you have to change yourself too much for a person, then it is not right. You might actually like her after you start digging.

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  90. @Sweet

    You're still not getting it, no offense. I'm not trying to change myself for her.

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  91. Any of you ever watch The Vice Guide to Travel? I just got done watching their section on Liberia. Fucking crazy! Definitely some grade A psychopaths in that one hour special.

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  92. no Monica,it's not a blog for sociopaths. if you read the comments on each and every single post, you will find boring lesbian relationship nonsense that the general public doesn't give a damn about, people's identity and ip adress being exposed, pissing contests, and a few comedians, and wanna be comedians, along with just plain crazy people that need medication vs. a jail cell.

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  93. No one can get how truly awesome you are, Eden.
    You are an awesome cunt.Now, leave with your stupid shit life.

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  94. Naw, I think I'll stick around, and piss you guys off some more.

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  95. No one cares about you, Eden. I want to talk about some topic matter.

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  96. Yeah I dunno, thats the best I got. My relationships are fake and shallow.

    I can tell you how to get in the door, but not how to keep them. I am not offended, I guess that's why I am here.

    All I know is how to distract and mimic. But I wish you luck, I think it is cute that you are nervous.

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  97. No surprise, nastycheeks.

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  98. So let's see you do it then. Stop talking to me, and start talking about something else. You say you want to do it.... Frank says it... you all keep saying you want to talk about something else. So let me see you do it.

    Do you even know how to?

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  99. Anyone want to talk about the fucking topic?

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  100. I do. I have some questions.

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  101. There was a comment posted by an anon a little ways up, that suddenly disappeared. How interesting.

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  102. Maybe, ME is tired of you Eden.

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  103. WOW... don't all jump in at once and talk about your more important shit!
    See what I mean? You guys don't know how to do anything but complain. So fuck off.

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  104. No one is talking about the topic so what is the problem with talking about something else?

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  105. The topic was addressed at the start. Piggy back onto it, or shut the fuck up with the whining.

    Eden, go enjoy being self-consciously aware of what a calculating, hyper-observant bitch you really are. If that's how you treat and see people, I'd hate to see how your kids end up. Probably far too independent and mature at too early an age, because mommy was too self-absorbed and detached to let them have a real childhood. You might be proud of it now, but your kids will despise you in the end.

    I bet your oldest could probably be fine without you. There's a reason for that.

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  106. yea Eden, M.E. has been deleting my comments from yesterday and today, maybe M.E. fits the bill of a boring lesbian.

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  107. I don't over analyse people who are not potential mates, TNP. I only do it with people I want to have an intimate relationship with.

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  108. Eden
    ME is as sick of you as we are.

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  109. TNP
    Take out this worthless cunt.

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  110. I have been studying the blog and have some questions.

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  111. I am not detached from my children. I am very much able to have a good relationship with them.

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  112. Eden has been fucking up this blog long enough. I am with Frank.

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  113. So ask your questions Monica. You don't need to permission to ask.

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  114. Eden
    You could not attach to a rock. You are fucking pathetic as a mother.

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  115. Addicts are always addicts, whether they're on the shit or not. 'Analyse' that for your potential mate.

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  116. Eden, I can relate to the worry that your need to dissect a person will get in the way of a good thing. Try to put your cognitive analytic side on hold. Allow yourself to be sensual. I mean, instead of focusing on your thoughts, focus on the senses. The sights and smells of her, the atmosphere of the moment. Allow the place in your self that is more animal to take priority over the tendency in your mind to become absorbed with desconstuction. Be blank-allow yourself to react to what she is presenting you.

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  117. TNP
    Drive that worthless shit off the blog.

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  118. Eden is the fucking pathetic one here, not her mate ha ha

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  119. Just thought I'd say that all of these anons and new names are Jason.

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  120. Does the sociopath experience any sense of self?
    Does flexible identity mean that he does not.

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  121. @Blue

    "Try to put your cognitive analytic side on hold."

    That's what I'm asking. How to do that. If I let the animal side of me take over though... it will just become sex for me. I don't know how to access what's between the two.

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  122. You answered your own question. You are nothing.

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  123. Misanthrope said...
    Just thought I'd say that all of these anons and new names are Jason.



    Funny. He sounds a lot like Ami to me.

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  124. Eden
    You disgust me.

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  125. "Addicts are always addicts, whether they're on the shit or not. 'Analyse' that for your potential mate."

    That's actually what I told her, a year ago when I said I didn't want to meet.

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  126. I am going to write to ME about changing the content of this blog.

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  127. It's Jason. Your hyper-observant, analytical side has a piss poor accuracy rating at discerning both intent and identity here so far, Eden. Really, keep your sorry excuse for insight to yourself. It'll be less embarrassing.

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  128. I wasn't saying that it was not Jason, TNP. I said, he sounds like Ami. It was meant to insult him...

    Anything else you'd like to get off your chest?

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  129. "Funny. He sounds a lot like Ami to me."

    Yeah he tries to copy people's writing styles to cause confusion but it's still pretty obvious to me.

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  130. @Mis

    I wasn't talking about the writing style. I was talking about how lame his insults are.

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  131. You look like a crack whore, Eden.

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  132. Yeah, that's ones been tried. Only it was TNP saying I look like I'm strung out on meth.

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  133. You are a ugly dog, Eden.

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  134. I would stay away from addicts of any sort, sober or not.

    Far, far away.

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  135. @Medusa

    That's usually what I think too. But then I'd have to stay away from every other person in my family lol

    ReplyDelete
  136. Looks like I got Mis all paranoid. I did make nearly everyone here think I was him at one point.

    Keep this up. You will make the genuine anons love you more comparing them to me.

    ReplyDelete
  137. I'm peachy, Eden. Just more of your idiotic incapability to read people. You need sort them into boxes that make sense to you, or that you wish was true.

    You only over-analyze potential mates? Heh. You're a laugh riot.

    If that's actually true, it explains why you're so blind.

    ReplyDelete
  138. TNP
    Fuck that bitch up, as only you can do.

    ReplyDelete
  139. God TNP... is that really the best you can come up with? Tell me; what do you do when you meet a potential mate? You don't try to get inside their heads... see what's really in there?

    You have put me into the wrong box from the start. You still think I can't see myself.

    ReplyDelete
  140. There is nothing to see, Eden. Great powers of depth you have.

    ReplyDelete
  141. You don't choose your family. You do choose your lovers.

    ReplyDelete
  142. @Medusa

    There is no doubt in my head that I always choose the same mates. I know my own patterns.... and my family gave birth to those patterns.

    ReplyDelete
  143. And how well are they working out for you?

    You are too old to blame your parents.

    ReplyDelete
  144. If an addict can stay clean for one year, it is a pretty good sign that they take their sobriety pretty seriously.

    If you enjoy partying and doing drugs recreationally, then it is probably not a good match long term. Your partying could encourage a relapse in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  145. I'm not blaming them, I'm saying I'm fully aware of the part they played. I'm not the girl who thinks she's not picking mates, that are just like her family.

    But just because you can see why you do what you do, doesn't mean you can see how to change that. I can't see how to change what I do when in a relationship. It is automatic. I've tried to fight it, address it, dissect it, and reject it... nothing has helped.

    ReplyDelete
  146. The best I can come up with? I'm not trying to do anything to you, Eden. I'm just stating the facts. You have the clarity and depth of wisdom of a muddy puddle. That's why you're in your 30's considering dating an addict and can't tell why your oldest is so damn 'amazing'.

    ReplyDelete
  147. If an addict can stay clean for one year, it is a pretty good sign that they take their sobriety pretty seriously.

    Yeah, but so what? Just because they take their sobriety seriously doesn't mean they don't still act like sneaky bastards, or shift their addictions to something else.

    That one dude I dated was 10 years sober and still acted like a junkie. And when he wasn't doing that he was complaining about other addicts who are defined by their addiction, which is funny because that's exactly what he did to himself.

    Not to mention how annoying some 12 steppers can be...

    Half the time you end up dating their addiction rather than the person.

    ReplyDelete
  148. A year sober isn't nearly long enough, anyway.

    Unless it was weed rehab or some shit.

    ReplyDelete
  149. In a few months time when you're bored of her you'll be wondering why you ever asked for advice, Eden.

    ReplyDelete
  150. They have weed rehab? Hah!

    ReplyDelete
  151. Do unconventional relationships really last?

    If you are as extreme Eden as an you've said, then it always will come down to how much more they can take.

    You laid out quite a bit of the game plan with Sweetcheeks and Bluebird, how you would like the person to be shy and coy, anyone thats really like that is not going to be into an extremley dominate person when they see where their being taken.

    ReplyDelete
  152. "Half the time you end up dating their addiction rather than the person."


    You're right TNP, and Medusa. I'm having a selfish moment. It's usually very brief though. I've been single for 3 years now, and just don't trust myself to ever make the right choice with mates.

    I'll tell her tomorrow that it would be best for us not to date.
    I don't want an addict around my kids, in that way. That was the other thing I told her a year ago.

    ReplyDelete
  153. Tik, what the hell?

    A submissive doesn't like to be dominated? Really?

    ReplyDelete
  154. If you people are going to avoid all addicts of any sort, even co-dependents, who is left?

    ReplyDelete
  155. You may also be living in a self-made fantasy-land, seeing as that you've never even met her. How could you really possibly know that there really could be something there?

    You might be imagining (or hoping) it to be true.

    Though I've never been one to understand how someone can take online relationships seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  156. "Not to mention how annoying some 12 steppers can be...

    Half the time you end up dating their addiction rather than the person. "

    Yeah thats the real issue with addicts. Many of them, even though they are sober, there addiction still controls their life. You have to hear all about their meetings and sponsors and triggers.

    I have always been surrounded by people in and out of jail and rehabs- some do well, some don't. It really depends on the person.

    ReplyDelete
  157. "Not to mention how annoying some 12 steppers can be..."

    Amen. The 12 steps is the substitute addiction. Give me a non junkie non 12 stepper any day of the week.

    ReplyDelete
  158. nastycheeks
    you are an addict, so fuck all with you giving advice.

    ReplyDelete
  159. If it ain't Jason, it's definitely Luke.

    ReplyDelete
  160. I forgot Medusa to ask your permission before speaking.

    Blog Moderator, self appointed.

    Medusa for president next.

    ReplyDelete
  161. If Medusa is president, I am gonna leave the universe.

    ReplyDelete
  162. Good, because I would have banished you to a remote island anyway.

    Less work for me.

    ReplyDelete
  163. @Medusa

    I used to only date people I hung out with for a while, as friends.

    I'm still new to Texas. This is my fourth year. I don't know too many people here, and the ones I do are flaky hairstylists, that party too much.

    I have a habit of just doing the slut thing, when I do start going out, and meeting people, but that's gotten dull. I've burned myself out.

    ReplyDelete
  164. Interesting change to your name, Medusa. And back to the old pic I see.

    ReplyDelete
  165. Yeah, I got bored last night.

    And I'm done eating people for the time being.

    ReplyDelete
  166. How did that work out for you? Eating people that is... ;p

    ReplyDelete
  167. Misanthrope said...
    In a few months time when you're bored of her you'll be wondering why you ever asked for advice, Eden.

    So true.

    ReplyDelete
  168. you gals are bitchy

    ReplyDelete
  169. I used to only date people I ended up hanging.

    ReplyDelete
  170. You turn on people, Eden. How are you gonna be different with her?

    ReplyDelete
  171. "You turn on people, Eden. How are you gonna be different with her?"

    Give me an example of how I turn on people.

    ReplyDelete
  172. Eden, if you want a successful relationship with others, you're going to have to fix whatever it is that's wrong with you. There's no advice we can give about handling things that will make this relationship different than any others. Except if you do some internal change. I know this because I'm in the same boat I think.

    ReplyDelete
  173. You turn on everyone, sooner or later.

    ReplyDelete
  174. Eden
    You set people up, and then knife them.

    ReplyDelete
  175. UKannon said...

    The reason how i know them so well, is cause i have suffered abuse at the hands of one of these "humans"


    You mean you put yourself in the hands of a abuser? It's ironic that you talk about people deflecting blame when you are the one here that is most guilty of doing just that.

    October 9, 2011 2:24 AM

    @Ukan
    Does your wife blame herself when you hit her?

    ReplyDelete
  176. 'you mean you put yourself in the hands of a abuser'

    No you little twat. The abuse was involuntary, and it was done by someone who could classify as 'human'. Empaths/humans are no better then us, they just hide behind their emotions and insecurities.

    ReplyDelete
  177. @Bluebird

    I appreciate that. I really do. Here's the thing.

    I have battled myself for over ten years now, trying to change those things. Some things have really improved about me, and so I can run my own business, and raise my children in a loving way.

    Typically people assume that I've used sex to guard myself in relationships. Hell, even I thought that...

    So I opened myself wide, and dared to face what I thought was the issue, and found that the more I tried to "fix" my issues with intimacy... the more fucked up I became.

    Intimacy has never felt natural to me. As a child, it even bothered me to get a hug. I didn't understand peoples need to be affectionate. I have an attachment disorder, so when I was small, I feared everything, and trusted no one. When people would touch me, even in a harmless way... it was almost painful. On the other side of the coin was a compulsion to harm. I could be extremely sadistic.

    It's my belief that I started nurturing that sadistic side of me, to help me overcome my fear. I chose a life surrounded by violence when in my teens, and fed off it.

    Somewhere in the mix, I became hardened and just stopped giving a fuck about what I did to people. I just lived my life, riding impulse.

    But then I got pregnant, and that changed a few things about me. My goals for example. I wanted to be able to get close to my child. I didn't want to be a mother my child would fear, or not get what she needed from.

    You can't imagine how hard I've fought just to be where I am now. That hasn't changed that I can't seem to attach myself to a mate. The only way I can feel a connection, is through sex... and taking them apart through analysis.

    ReplyDelete
  178. If someone shows caring to you, you turn on them, sadistically.
    How can you ever love anyone?

    ReplyDelete
  179. @Ukan
    Does your wife blame herself when you hit her?

    ReplyDelete
  180. 'Does your wife blame herself when you hit her?'

    I don't need to hit her, she willingly submits herself to me, that's why I value her so much. I got her wrapped into the game as well. My life is full of danger, complexities, contradictions, transient truth, and outright lies. It's a hell.

    ReplyDelete
  181. You don't need to hit her, but you do.
    Does she blame herself for it?

    ReplyDelete
  182. Eden
    After you take them apart, you turn on them, sadistically.
    You can see that on here.
    You must be hell in real life.

    ReplyDelete
  183. I haven't turned on anyone here. What you think you're seeing, is an illusion. I may change my method of toying with someone, but if they can't see that... the blame goes to them. If I like you... nothing will change that. If I don't like you... nothing will change that.

    ReplyDelete
  184. 'You don't need to hit her, but you do.'

    I'm not some loser beer-jockey that smacks people around. I know it's hard for you to imagine that but im not some raging tycoon like you. I use my wits to go about. Only morons like you beat their girlfriends. You can't persuade them with your words so you punch them into obedience. I can't even show a modicum of pittance for trash like you.

    ReplyDelete
  185. The only way I can feel a connection, is through sex... and taking them apart through analysis.

    October 9, 2011 4:35 PM

    Perhaps if you were not so proud of been a slut and a cunt things would change.

    ReplyDelete
  186. Eden
    Do you live in a river called Da Nile?

    ReplyDelete
  187. What decent person toys with people?

    ReplyDelete
  188. @Ukan
    You have admitted hitting your wife(willing victim).
    My question is: Does she blame herself, when you hit her?

    ReplyDelete
  189. Ukan's wife would have to blame herself, or else she would be gone.

    ReplyDelete
  190. Only a really fucked up person would want you, Eden.

    ReplyDelete
  191. I'm sure the same can be said about you, anon.

    I don't see any not-fucked-up people coming here.

    ReplyDelete
  192. @UKan
    "He was mirroring you, bluebird. And then projecting himself on you."

    Have you ever done this to anybody?

    @Eden
    I know I had a very different upbringing than you, but I also have intimacy problems. Being physically affectionate has always been very difficult for me. Normal stuff like hugs and putting your arm around people. Just that sort of thing. I'm physically reserved, I don't know why this is. I have a pretty strong sex drive, don't get me wrong, but even that seems a bit of a deformed impulse, as it is such a self-destructive sex drive that I have.

    ReplyDelete
  193. Perhaps Eden is trying to create her perfect mate, by fucking them up like she is.
    The problem is that then she no longer likes them, as they have become somewhat like her.

    ReplyDelete
  194. Well, there are degrees of malicious.
    You are high.

    ReplyDelete
  195. Anonymous said...
    Ukan's wife would have to blame herself, or else she would be gone.

    October 9, 2011 5:20 PM


    Thanks for your oppinion, but i am interested in Ukans take on it.

    ReplyDelete
  196. Eden, i'll try being myself for a few days. I think you have courage locked up in their somewhere, keep up what ur doing.

    ReplyDelete

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