Sunday, October 23, 2011

Guest song: Wandering star

This song's lyrics have always made me think of someone who has been hurt by a socio, possibly by discovering his true nature.
It leaves her untrusting, but still yearning for closeness.

"Please could you stay awhile to share my grief
For its such a lovely day
To have to always feel this way
And the time that I will suffer less
Is when I never have to wake"

"Those who have seen the needles eye, now tread
Like a husk, from which all that was, now has fled
And the masks, that the monsters wear
To feed, upon their prey"

338 comments:

  1. Portishead. Good choice ME.

    Though I don't identify with this as really how being the victim of a socio-or whatever you'd want to call it-how that feels. This is a better song for me...it's called eyes on fire. Lyrics...

    "I'll seek you out,
    Filet you alive
    One more word and you won't survive
    And I'm not scared of your stolen power
    I see right through you any hour
    I won't soothe your pain
    I won't ease your strain
    You'll be waiting in vain
    I got nothing for you to gain
    I'm taking it slow
    Feeding my flame
    Shuffling the cards of your game And just in time
    In the right place
    Suddenly I will play my ace
    I won't soothe your pain
    I won't ease your strain
    You'll be waiting in vain
    I got nothing for you to gain

    Eyes on fire
    Your spine is ablaze
    Felling any foe with my gaze
    And just in time
    In the right place
    Steadily emerging with grace
    Felling any foe with my gaze Steadily emerging with grace Felling any foe with my gaze Steadily emerging with grace"

    Yes....this song. For sure.

    Uhm, you all would call me a victim. I don't feel like a victim anymore. I've come to realize the world is not like this. It's not so BLACK AND WHITE. I have learned so much from him. I don't perceive myself as having been victimized. After all, the further you look into things, doesn't it become all that much harder to categorize? To say for sure?

    In the end, isn't it just perception? Interpretation? The way you want to look at things. I don't feel like a victim. I feel like I love this strange fascinating creature. He is a rare gem-couldn't you understand why I'd love a strange gem? Everything else non withstanding. I would leave if it were not worth my while to stay. But to stay, to learn, to love.

    This is life.

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  2. I read the Q&A with M.E. and found it interesting. It's a good thing he or she didn't gave all the details surrouding the person M.E., so a lot of the mystery is still intact.

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  3. I have arrived....Kneel before me!

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  4. After some of my experiences of the last week (I'll tell more about it later), I agree with the Tom Ripley quote;

    "I always thought it'd be better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody"

    I have to attend a pro-Israel happening now, I'll be around later today.

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  5. "I always thought it'd be better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody"

    the narcs motto

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  6. Someone is showing their bitterness today, eh anon?

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  7. Is it too late to wish you a happy birthday, Eden?

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  8. That's very thoughtful of you Wheatley. What did you think of yesterday's Q&A session?

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  9. "What did you think of yesterday's Q&A session?"

    It was great thanks! How're you? Can we play??? I'm sexually starved...I need it so bad...You're the only one that can give it to me, Eden!

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  10. Cockmaster said...
    I have arrived....Kneel before me!


    to pay our respects?

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  11. Looks like somebody was trying low key to get in M.E.'s pants yesterday.

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  12. @anon

    I think you just need to enjoy some intimacy. Let's find some common ground to bond on. I enjoy the art of small talk,(if you can call it an art), because it seems to be important to other people that you ask them questions about mundane things, and comment on the same. Would small talk satisfy you anon? Or would that be like starvation?

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  13. I will say that I'm terrible at small talk. I read my small talk practice on here, and see how awkward it comes off, or superficial. I think most people are superficial when engaging in small talk, but it seems to come natural enough to them regardless. I guess in that case, it's not very intimated at all.

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  14. small talk is just companionable grunting, all tone and minimal content. it doesn't come off with content alone. i like it. it's entertaining, a way to talk to strangers... which i love.

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  15. No, Eden. I want you to dominate me into submission...

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  16. UKan Sam said...
    Looks like somebody was trying low key to get in M.E.'s pants yesterday.


    pretty impressive answers.. i think i have a crush on M.E.'s mind!

    UKan shall we Q & A you next?

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  17. Maybe you can bring him back to life, Zoe?

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  18. "UKan shall we Q & A you next?"

    90% of it would be lies lmao

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  19. Cockmaster said...
    Maybe you can bring him back to life, Zoe?


    don't worry it will rise from the dead all on its own. like a phoenix.

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  20. With UKan, there would not be much depth to the answers. What you see is what you get.

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  21. I think I'm on here enough that I don't need a formal Q&A session. I'm actually enjoying watching my wife interact with people here.

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  22. She seems to have a good mind UKan, I am impressed.

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  23. Thanks beaver. She is very sharp. We have both gone a long way. She has calmed me down a lot and I have given her more of a edge. We compliment each other psychologically.

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  24. peeepelllllllllllee ....


    peepllewho need peepEeeeeEeeeeEeeeeEeeeeEeeelllllllllle

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  25. I'd have Eden, Medusa and Sweetcheeks....But definitely, Eden!!! Can you hunt me down like a wild animal, Eden?

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  26. Missey UKan has things to contribute. I agree, Piles.

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  27. No thanks anon. It's not as fun when you want it from me. Time to switch again...

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  28. Damn, spelled my own name wrong.
    I am in the works of a gal like that, but unfortunately her need to self destruct gains the better half of her thinking abilities. In essence, she's pretty immature, and I find myself not having the patience. I'm positive we'll get it right one day. You two are admirable for actually listening to the other. Most relationships fail due to failure to be open minded and listen.

    A few days ago someone mentioned that anyone involved with a sociopath could be seen as weak. I think it is both, but inevitably sides more on the strength end. To me anyone who is willing to put up with the bullshit some can put them through, apply it, grow as a person, and gain some strength to not put up with that shit anymore does have a form of strength. I know some of the situations I put people through would cause any normal person to run screaming. To those that stick around I actually learn to be a little less of an asshole, for their sake, mainly mine. I value their willingness to put up with me.

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  29. Fine then Eden. I was just kidding. I want nothing from you! You suck!!!.................How about now?

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  30. @Piles

    Very good of you to share. I enjoy listening to UKan and Kanney, speak on the dynamics of their relationship together. It actually sound more healthy than any duo/empath relationship I've seen, so far.

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  31. Now anon? I actually think you're kind of cute. I like your playful attitude for sure. I just won't be able to play the dominate role right now. I've crashed from my mania, and for a couple of days to a week from this time, my energy will be far too low to accommodate your wishes.

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  32. Piles / Beaver

    What situations have you put people through that would make them run away screaming?

    Curious

    Cuddles

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  33. To me it is more healthy. Being self indulged with the ability to accept some criticism is the best way to go, in my opinion.

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  34. I was being dramatic for entertainment purposes Cuddles, and honestly, there have been too many occasions. I couldn't be bothered to go through all of them.

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  35. We still miscommunicate, but we mostly understand each other. Like every realtionship I'm sure. The fact I can tell her anything without her being disturbed or judging me helps me be more transparent to her. When she does get disturbed it's for things I wouldn't guess in comparison to other things she just brushes off as nothing.

    She impresses me with her insight, but she is blind to danger. She has a low capacity to feel fear from what I've seen. Where others would run for their life she would stop and try to figure it out and analyze it. Whether it's a person, a situation, or whatever. We climbed this really high atenna the other day. It was so fucking high I was dizzy. I was holding onto rails walking around on the platform and she was trying to do some acrobat shite to reach the platform below us.

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  36. We have a complicated but incredibly gratifying relationship. We make a lot of sense together. We balance each other so it forces us both to grow. Which I think is the entire point of having relationships. And thank you for your compliments. I'm happy not to identify with the victims in the room.

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  37. Define a victim. What makes you different?

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  38. I am not saying you are a victim. I am just asking you to DEFINE a victim.

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  39. has ukan gone soft?

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  40. I can't wait till Eden's in the mood to dominate me....^.^ In the meantime, would anyone like to play?

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  41. Playful Like A Kitty CatOctober 23, 2011 at 1:16 PM

    Mrs. Ukan, can I be you and Ukans slave? I'll serve you well...

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  42. i'll fucking dominate you like you nobody has. you won't enjoy it.

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  43. I spy with my little eye
    a room full of puppets who think they're so sly.

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  44. Playful Like A Kitty CatOctober 23, 2011 at 1:52 PM

    @Harv

    You're no Eden, that's for sure....but...give it your best shot!

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  45. a whistleblowing website WikiLeaks made public a U.S. diplomatic cable which proves that a controversial incident known as Ishaqi Massacre from March 15, 2006 which claimed the lives of at least 10 civilians from the central Iraqi town of Ishaqi, was a brutal and cowardly execution of defenceless people carried out by US troops. The cable provided evidence that a minimum of 10 Iraqi civilians had their hands cuffed behind their backs and were subsequently shot in the head by US troops. Among the victims was a woman in her 70′s and 5 children, one of them mere 5 months old. The Americans then called in an airstrike to destroy the evidence and had all of their top commanders feed public with lies that no massacre took place. Public – traditionally – ate their lies with cherry on top.

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  46. It was informative, to say the least.

    It was like you had been listening to the Wizard of Oz's giant floating head. Then the guy behind the curtains comes out, but he still had the same booming voice.

    Does that make sense?

    What I'm trying to say here, is that M.E yesterday was almost exactly like M.E on any other day, just with less flashy lights and sound effects, but with the same "voice". Not different, just more approachable.

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  47. I like your analogy Wheatley. It makes perfect sense. I will tell you that there is a smug lil devil on my shoulder, that took some satisfaction from the answers which contradicted the assumptions, that M.E. is offended when we go off topic, or act out in an obnoxious way. Can I even help smiling that the one person who has managed to get under M.E.'s skin, so to speak; is Ami? I don't think so, but I'll try.

    Off subject: I'm going to get back to editing my book soon, and may start asking for some of the regulars here, to help in the process. I need a lot of help.

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  48. The anon who asked the questions about going off-topic was me, actually. And then I forgot to tick the little anon-box when I said "Why would anyone choose pepsi?!" which made me feel pretty silly...

    I stayed up 'till 5:00 AM last night so I could follow the conversation and see if I could think of any other questions. I did eventually come up with some new questions, but that was after I'd gone to sleep and was awake again... :/

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  49. It's actually a circle, not a box...

    But anyway, what is this about a book, and what kind of help will you be asking for?

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  50. So did you ask that question because it offends You when we go off topic?

    I really Am trying to understand why there are so many who come here with this 'teacher's pet', way of thinking. This is the last place where we should have to conform to just one way of thinking, acting, or doing. That's why I get so obnoxious some times. I get tired of how scholarly people try to be when they come here, especially when it's so clear that they are worried about their image. They all seem like a bunch of stuffy old ladies. It's funny to me that no one sees that though. They think I'm acting out some kind of greater underlining problem. Or trying to manipulate/seduce people with my sexuality. I'm not even attracted to anyone here. How could I be, when it's all a bunch of smoke anyway. Are you an overachiever Wheatley?

    Are You an overachiever Blue?

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  51. "But anyway, what is this about a book, and what kind of help will you be asking for?"

    I finished my memoir a ways back, and am in the thick with an editor, revising it. It was an overwhelming first start, and I had to take a summer break. Nose it's time to put my nose to the grind, and my biggest issue is describing emotions. No surprise there, I'm sure. I think mainly I need people to push me. I know people will push me in the way I need, here.

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  52. ... it won't be me asking you guys to critique my work. That's what my editor is for. I just need to practice a few things, and see if I improve my ability to connect, or make people feel connected to what I'm trying to convey.

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  53. Here's some lyrics for you, Blue.



    "Undisclosed Desires"

    I know you've suffered
    But I don't want you to hide
    It's cold and loveless
    I won't let you be denied

    Soothing
    I'll make you feel pure
    Trust me
    You can be sure

    I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
    I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask
    I want to exorcise the demons from your past
    I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

    You trick your lovers
    That you're wicked and divine
    You may be a sinner
    But your innocence is mine

    Please me
    Show me how it's done
    Tease me
    You are the one

    I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
    I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask
    I want to exorcise the demons from your past
    I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

    Please me
    Show me how it's done
    Trust me
    You are the one

    I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
    I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask
    I want to exorcise the demons from your past
    I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

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  54. You should Google yourself, Eden... and not your name, your issues. Look up intimacy issues, emotional distance... whatever. Try to understand what you can't do first. What it is your aiming for and against.

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  55. I have Googled those things before. They all just talk about fear. I don't feel afraid when people try to be intimate with me. You're funny to me. You keep talking to me as though I've done no research, or soul search, or any kind of exercise to try and understand or confront my "issues". You are incorrect in thinking this, if that is the case.

    I just had someone chew me out today because I never think to contact her, before she contacts me. I told her I'll do my best to think of her in the future. More than likely, I won't think to still. She will think I'm a selfish asshole as a result, and probably stop talking to me as punishment.

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  56. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpPaKNSh7-k

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  57. Mrs Ukan
    Someone asked how you define a victim. I would like to know, too.

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  58. I really don't see the point in being a teacher's pet to a 'teacher' who has been here a grand total of two times. And I myself don't get offended by going off-topic.

    The reason I asked those questions, was that when the forum was introduced, I thought it might be M.E's way of saying "You can talk about whatever the Hell you want over at the forum, but try to stay on topic in the comments." especially since it was created during a particularly turbulent time here, with almost all energy going into 'unmasking' people. So I was just trying to see if I were right.

    I'm actually an extreme underachiever because (a I'm lazy and (b I don't handle failure very well. I rarely give something 'my all', so I always have the excuse of "I wasn't really trying." ready in case I fail.

    My "scholarly"-ness is probably just overcompensating for a lack of self-esteem, and a little bit of showing off.

    But what you're saying is that you only act "obnoxious" (your words, not mine. I really wouldn't classify it like that) because you're disappointed by the lack of craziness here, so you're trying to stir op trouble by randomly kicking people's shins?

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  59. A very Punk Rock kind of Happy Birthday. It was perfect, of course.

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  60. When you get a curve ball, a victim does not know how to make lemonade.

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  61. i choose or choose not to speak to the anonymi and feel no need to define a victim to those unworthy of the time it takes to have the conversation with.
    At your age I can't assume you've done no soul searching. But I do think you have a fear of emotions you've long not felt and that's why you can't open up to people you date. And why you date people who look up to you that you don't respect enough to be open with. You seem to almost deny them, though you say you've come to the same conclusions.

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  62. I like the teachers pet analogy. I thought it was quite fitting and amusing.

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  63. Eden

    those lyrics are a complete joke.

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

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  64. Mrs Ukan, are you calling Eden a victim?

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  65. Mrs Ukan
    Since you called some "people" victims, who do you mean?

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  66. Randomly kicking people's shins is like the little boy who pulls the girls hair in the seat in front of her. Why does he do it? Is he bored? Does he like her? Does he want to get the fuck out of the classroom and play? Does he want to see her face? Does he want to watch her squirm?

    And does he look around to see who else sees the hair pull?

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  67. "because you're disappointed by the lack of craziness here, so you're trying to stir op trouble by randomly kicking people's shins?"

    Not disappointed. But when people come here acting pompous, and start trying to reprimand people for indulging in childish behavior; I do like to piss them off even further. I like making people like Sceli, irritated because she is so confined, and imprisoned by her own high standards of herself. She gives the impression that she's trying to learn or understand people, but then admits she questions people, because they've somehow irritated her.

    Sex is a subject that people seem to universally see as a low-life way of expression. Even people who say they are extremely open minded, will scoff at the subject if it's not presented in a pretty package. I just think it's funny how easily it hits a nerve in so many people. Even the ones who would say they are completely indifferent to what people say here. But if you go back to my history of when I first came here, you hardly see me talk in such a way. So the fact that so many abandoned their original conclusions of me, only to assume I'm some kind of sexual deviant for bad behavior that only recently surfaced; makes me think that even the people who pride themselves on being able to see through the bullshit of others, are not always on full alert. I of course give exemption to those who just don't care either way... ;)

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  68. Eden, you make no sense. You try to act so callous and uncaring that you lose any logic, in the process.

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  69. Just because what I said went over your head, anon... doesn't mean it has no logic. Acting callous? I'm was actually surprised when I was told I was callous here. There are many things I do here that are an act... I doubt very much you would ever correctly guess at what they are.

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  70. @Missus Kanney, are you going to try to make people open up, and then call them victims?

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  71. You have to rein yourself in when you have a child.

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  72. Missus Kanney what does your photo represent?

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  73. Why is it illogical to want to keep some of yourself private, Missus Kanney? Isn't it possible to open yourself up as much as you want, and that amount be close enough for jazz?

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  74. Missus Kanney, if you have come on here to try to get personal information from people, and then knife them with it, I can see why you married Ukan.
    You are the same shit as he is.

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  75. Missus Kanney is the mal narc not Medusa

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  76. Why can't they both be? Lets not be exclusive, now.

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  77. ukan is many here and you all are the puppets

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  78. Everyone's downfall is his ego. What if you don't care about a person or what he says? He has no power over you.

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  79. Medusa is smart not a narc cuz she cant be knifed

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  80. Can't be knifed would mean a Mal Narc, rather than not mean one.

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  81. Lol she's pissed because the Missus ignored her question.

    Now she's pulling bullshit out of thin air because her ego is hurt. Everyone is a 'Mal N'.

    Good times.

    I remember you saying that you would leave if M.E. said s/he wanted you to... so...?

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  82. The Mal Narc can only hurt people who care. The ultimate "Fuck You" is not to care.

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  83. Wow, seriously I stopped reading the anonymous attacks halfway. I will say, I am not stabbing backs, or trying to call Eden a victim. I don't imagine she even got that impression.
    Erin, I mean you when I say victim. If you want answers respect yourself enough to ask questions with names. It's fucking anonymous anyways, you spineless losers. You're a waste of time. If you want to call me on bullshit like stabbing people, than by all means, I'm ready and willing, but I will not be offended or drawn out by anonymous attacks to explain anything i say.

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  84. Medusa, how come you never say anything dumb?

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  85. Yeah, I wonder what that felt like... to be the one person who thinks they are the most human, and contributing the most sincerity to a blog... and turn out to be the only person the writer of that blog, doesn't care to have there. LOL that was one of the highlights of my day. yesterday. It's little things that do it for me. It really is.

    In your face Ami!!! In a fucking epic way!

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  86. Hey Shit head, if you try to draw people out to knife them, it will be shown to be the case. It is not about Erin or anyone else. Who are you? That remains to be seen.

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  87. Eden, I didn't mean to sound condescending. You were talking about not knowing what intimacy was, so I think or thought you should google it.

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  88. Do you know what real freedom is? Not to care what someone who does not matter, thinks of you. That is like being on a fucking helium balloon going up to the sky.

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  89. It does remain to be seen, doesn't it. that's funny. I'm not drawing anyone, because they don't know me enough to confide in me. I'm just asking questions about other people. Where's the knife? Do you pretend to know my goals? you contradict yourself in the same comment. That it remains to be seen what my motives are, AND that I'm drawing people out to stab them. Lol. You're terrified! Projecting fears all over the place. I didn't have to draw you either.
    Why don't you give us a name, then you'll be drawn out, and you can be right when I stab you.

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  90. Lol. This is fun.
    :D
    It's almost cute how silly some people are.

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  91. I didn't read you as being condescending at all. In fact; because I like you, I will admit that I've been rather indulgent with you. I want you to know it's not meant in a malicious way. In fact I can hardly help myself. I've not been entirely honest with you. I apologize for that because again, I like you.

    An example would be that poem you brought up. I wrote that poem the day that Erin/Ami, was talking about how she would close her eyes, and "prey" before putting the needle in those people. I even posted a comment telling her that poem was directed at her. It has nothing to do with my children, or dreams about killing babies. I was mocking her. I use my poetry to mock people, or gain their trust a lot of the time.

    Forgive me.

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  92. You see Erin/Ami beyond every bush. She had a power you could never dream of having. That is why you try to keep her alive when she is gone.

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  93. The poem about shy boys and sex, was written for Bette... who was having a conversation about how her man and her, have 3 way relationships. I posted a comment to her as well.. telling her it was written in her honor.

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  94. Lol... That's really hilarious!
    And that makes sense. Is that how you feel? Seeing through other people's eyes when you write them poetry? Like being John Malkovich.Going into a door that allows you to look through their eyes?

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  95. Does someone on here just have fun pretending to be her every once in a while, or is she seriously pathetic enough to still be here, looking for more pain? Either way, I'm amused.

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  96. if anyone wants to talk to Erin, go to her blog. She left the link.

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  97. The Mal Narc can only hurt people who care. The ultimate "Fuck You" is not to care.

    Ah so that's why you are still here, to prove you don't care.~

    You are like the crazy lady with the metal detector only instead of metal you are looking for gaslighting behavior. Behind every corner is a Mal N!

    This is what makes you a victim. You make yourself a victim before a predator even appears, and make everyone else one, too (this time it's Eden), because you think they are you. Therefore you become a magnet by your own doing. This is why you are afraid to leave your house nowadays. The predator wouldn't even have to do any work since you already did it for them as you seem to fear for your life every second already. If you stepped outside of your house I bet it would be like you have a search light coming out of your head like those at car lots sales. The scent of blood.

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  98. Does someone on here just have fun pretending to be her every once in a while, or is she seriously pathetic enough to still be here, looking for more pain?

    I'm sure there are others having fun impersonating her, but I think 99% of the time it's her.

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  99. Michael-

    I enjoy your posts but my friends do not, so I came to chat with you here.

    You know a lot.

    I am learning.

    He is riddled with anxiety. He wants to talk backwards. He hallucinates. He has no remorse, no emotion, he can not love, he has no regrets.

    Why do you say he's not a SPATH.

    ?

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  100. it is funny how Erin in all her 'weakness", made an impact on this blog that no one stops talking about her.

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  101. I guess that's a way to put it. There's kind of a semi-delusional way I play a little game with people. If I like them... it's meant affectionately I suppose you could say.

    For instance: Soulfulpath once told me that she saw me almost as a vigilante, after M.E. wrote a blog about it. I took that as a que for us to play a game. A day or two later; I made a speak to SW about how I was really looking for strong women here like Erin, who are willing to fight for themselves, and what it took for them to break the cycle of abuse. That was bullshit.

    Some people saw that for what it really was, others actually ate it up, and it changed the way they started treating me. Erin ate it up like crazy. Not long after; she went from despising me... to loving me.

    It was lie. Some people just want to believe the lie so well, that they'll eat whatever you feed them, as long as it seems poetic, or like you're letting your guard down. To those I don't like, I do it with malicious intent. To those I like, I do it because I feel like I'm giving them what they want.

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  102. Lol. I can hardly believe there are people that retarded. Why don't you just use your name than? If it's pain you want you might as well come out and be open about it. As Medusa said, you've got a beacon on your head anyways. And it isn't like they haven't already exposed exactly who you are to the fullest extent. Why would you hide now? Don't we not have any power over you? Face your fears Ami! I'm a mal N. COme out and talk to me! Vanquish your foe, as you can show they have no real power over you! Prove to yourself your inner fortitude! Rise in the face of your largest adversaries! Reign Triumphant in the sea of Mal N terror that is Sociopath world! You can do it! We have faith in you!

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  103. Eden, I think you have a flare for the theatrical.

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  104. Coming here to SW land, is how I get to see through many different people's eyes. If I'm curious about how someone react to things... I will wait a little while so it's not too obvious, and try acting the same way, to see what it feels like, or how people react when I do it.

    Like when notme suddenly went off about soulfulpath out of nowhere! It was really interesting to me, and I wanted to see what that might feel like. So I did what she did... to a lesser degree. I could never feel like other people, but it's fun to slip into the skin of another... even if you're just wearing them as a costume.

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  105. PB  I am not that close to normal but do sometimes admire its banality.

    but unfortunately her need to self destruct gains the better half of her thinking abilities. Can anyone find a better definition for "need to self destruct" than a devalued masochist seeking a sociopath she's already weathered? Wax this time?

    In essence, she's pretty immature. True.  And how fortunate for you that there are assholes (I mean that anatomically) who don't have an adult's emotional life or an adult's comfort with sex. 

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  106. I have some similarities with you in that way Eden.

    I've been known to yell "faggot!" here once or twice. Just cuz.

    When I was younger I used to mimic people out of curiosity. Like this one girl in high school who had some bone disease which made her walk funny. I was interested, so I watched her a lot, and then started walking like her. Especially if I was walking behind her, it just happened. I wasn't trying to make fun of her, but people had to point out that I shouldn't do that.

    Then there was this other kid with a condition that made his head grow indefinitely. Hydro-something-or-other. Water on the brain.

    I couldn't exactly mimic him, but I did live life at moments pretending as if I had a huge head that kept growing (no pun intended, or?) and seeing how life would be like that. What it would feel like to be in that body.

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  107. Yeah. I did a lot of the same. I would mimic the way people talk, if it was interesting enough. There was this cute boy I liked in 6th grade, who did this almost cartoon-like baby talk all the time. I think he did it to be funny at first, but then it became a habit, and he just started talking that way all the time. I started talking like him at home, and sort of adopted it as my cutie pie act with my father. It actually won him over for about a month or two.

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  108. I think everyone does that in their youth. People experiment with other perspectives while theyre discovering their reality. I used to put myself into peoples heads and write stories from their perspective. Like when columbine happened. I made a bunch of people cry with a poem I wrote. I think its just a way of exploring, and discovering ourselves through trying other things. I think it's something open minded people tend towards.

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  109. this pos is the most obvious psychopath i have ever seen

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9Z6DeC0Uvk

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  110. I guess that's not very grown up of me.

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  111. I mostly do it inwardly, though. I don't limp behind cripples anymore or anything like that.

    I experiment with thinking patterns instead. Kind of a deconstructionism.

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  112. I'm going to be you for a little while, Medusa. I want to see what it feels like to give so little, and get such a strong reaction just the same.

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  113. dance puppets dance :)

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  114. Eden, Medusa... it could be mild tourettes

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  115. @Zoe

    damn it. you broke the trance.

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  116. Medusa, i like the way your name looks. how did you change the font like that?

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  117. I don't think it's uncommon. It's part of our nature to have roles to play. I think it's linked to personality types, though, or specific traits. And I think it's part of a self actualization process.

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  118. How is it you think I give so little? How does it seem like I give less than anyone else here? Because I don't see it.

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  119. Give so little, how? Aggressively, quantitatively?

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  120. That's very true Medusa. But they don't see it that way, because you're not making as much noise. They need noise. They see it as being intimate.

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  121. @Eden

    sorry. i was being an ass... the need possessed me. but your descriptions reminded me very much of an Oliver Sacks story.

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  122. You talk about how you give so little to those in your actual life, in terms of intimacy, yet get strong reactions, yet you sound resentful of me appearing to you to be the same online?

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  123. I thought you were being funny, Zoe. It's hard to read you as an ass. You're so darn bubbly.

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  124. @Medusa

    thanks. i think i want windings.

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  125. There's a crazy lady in the forum if anyone is bored.

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  126. @Medusa

    What? that's not at all what I meant. I was just being playful. I guess I should have said, I'm going to practice aloofness on here?

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  127. I'm basing this on a few things you've said recently.

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  128. Lol. "the Folks"? The victims? The bipolars? The other Sociopaths?

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  129. I was curious where you pulled it out from. This could add some depth to Eden's Character. Do continue, Medusa.

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  130. "I'm basing this on a few things you've said recently."

    Okay. What did I say that leads you to believe I resent you? At least give me the opportunity to explain my own stupidity.

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  131. You've conveyed your frustration at being compared to me just yesterday.

    And this isn't the first time you've sounded frustrated about perceiving me as a difficult nut to crack.

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  132. Okay. I'm glad you brought it up then. Yesterday an anon had asked a bunch of questions like: Coke or Pepsi, black or white, UKan or Mis, Medusa or Eden...

    I was poking at that, because it's been done before. I said I was a little hurt because M.E. chose you... but said I'd probably choose the same. And as far as you being a tough nut to crack... that isn't resentment. I admire you. I can relate to you in some ways... but in other ways, I wish I were more cautious like you. Like the whole Facebook thing. I don't always look before I leap. I can understand why people see me as exposing my child as a result of me careless. I've been told by other people I trust the opinions of, that I am reckless. I would love to automatically be as cautious as you... but I am me... reckless, childish, and idiotic. Take that however you wish. I don't expect people to trust me here.

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  133. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  134. Okay, gotcha.

    Yeah, I'm not very reckless unless I'm in OCD/obsessive mode.

    I suppose I keep myself well-protected. I tend to appear very much in control. In fact, that was my band's name for a hot minute, but it sounded too Joy Divisiony to me.

    I live a pretty isolated existence, though. It'd probably drive you crazy.

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  135. I've always been reckless. My second pregnancy was reckless as hell. Therein lies the other thing i sort of have in common with you, but in a more reckless way than you; of course.

    I've held out so long in telling you though, that I hardly think you'll believe me...

    I just don't want to pull so many "me too", "me too!", kind of responses with you. You might start thinking I'm a creepy, 'Single White Female', kind of girls.

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  136. Are you flirting, Eden? Or is that just how you usually come across?

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  137. No. Not flirting. How did I come across that way?

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  138. I think it was the "Ive held out so long in telling you"

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  139. No Medusa is not a mother. I was going to tell Medusa ages ago that I got pregnant with my second child, with a narcissist who believes he's a shaman.. or wants his, "students" to believe he is. I held out because I was new here still, and didn't want her to think I was trying to pull something weird. I could tell how cautious she was... so I let it pass. Then UKan brought up that you were with a narc who thought he was a shaman, too... and it just seemed too ridiculous at that point to ever mention it. What is the likelihood that 3 women end up on a Sociopath blog, who were with nars, who think they are shamanic??!! Ya know?

    That's the secret Medusa.

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  140. Lol. I think it's high. And I don't know if he was a Narcissist. He was just a pathological idiot. I guess that could be narcissistic. I like to think of him as just being a failure as a person, and leave it at that.
    It isn't surprising to me that people who tend to deal with sociopaths in their lives are a type.
    How old are you? And how long ago was it that you had this idiot BF

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  141. And While we're on song lyrics... The Sociopath world Anthem:
    \Sometimes in our lives
    we all have pain
    we all have sorrow
    but if we are wise
    we know that there's always tomorrow

    Lean on me
    when you're not strong
    I'll be your friend
    I'll help you carry on
    for it won't be long
    'till I'm gonna need
    somebody to lean on

    Please
    swallow your pride
    if I have things
    you need to borrow
    for no one can fill
    those of your needs
    that you wont let show

    just call on me brother
    when you need a hand
    we all need somebody to leeeaaannn on
    I just might have a problem that you'll understand
    we all need somebody to leeeaaannn on

    lean on me
    when youre not strong
    I'll be your friend
    I'll help you carry on
    for it wont be long
    'till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on

    you just call on me brother
    when you need a hand
    we all need somebody to lean on
    I just might have a problem that you'll understand
    we all need somebody to lean on

    if
    there is a load
    you have to bare
    that you can't carry
    I'm right up the road
    I'll share your load
    if you just call mee

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  142. Ah, so that's your secret. Not sure why you made such a big deal out of it?

    I wouldn't have even thought Single White Female until you mentioned it.

    Still haven't seen it, by the way, although I have it. I did watch Ordinary People two nights ago. And the Talented Mr. Ripley last night/this morning.

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  143. I can hear that song done by someone like Panic at the disco, or Marilyn Manson, and lots of devils in the music video. And all these little skittering fairies dancing around and falling into the demons arms and being carried off creepily into a fade to black.

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  144. Lol Missus, that was one of the few pop songs I had the sheet music for when I was young.

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  145. Haha. Great! I like that song. It's quite a classic.

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  146. "How old are you? And how long ago was it that you had this idiot BF"

    He was never my boyfriend. I've known him for 5 years now, and he was just a casual lover. When we first met, he idealized me... but never as a girlfriend. I was so fucking curious about him, because I had never met someone so incredibly delusional, and self absorbed! I poked at him, and tested him... just trying to figure out what kind of person I was dealing with. I knew nothing of narcissists when I met him... it was a friend who suggested he was latter on. She had been raised by a narcissist. I started studying the criteria... and he is textbook.

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  147. I'm doing a cover of We Don't Need A Hero.

    You know, Thunderdome. Tina Turner.

    I rewrote the music part a little bit and slowed it down, but it's still recognizable. And the way I sing it gives it a bit of a different meaning.

    It's just kind of... intense doom metal now.

    OUT OF THE RUINS
    OUT FROM THE WRECKAGE
    CAN`T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE THIS TIME
    WE ARE THE CHILDREN
    THE LAST GENERATION
    WE ARE THE ONES THEY LEFT BEHIND
    AND I WONDER WHEN WE ARE EVER GONNA CHANGE
    LIVING UNDER THE FEAR, TILL NOTHING ELSE REMAINS

    WE DON`T NEED ANOTHER HERO
    WE DON`T NEED TO KNOW THE WAY HOME
    ALL WE WANT IS LIFE BEYOND
    THUNDERDOME

    LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
    WE CAN RELY ON
    THERE`S GOTTA BE SOMETHING BETTER OUT THERE
    LOVE AND COMPASSION
    THEIR DAY IS COMING
    ALL ELSE ARE CASTLES BUILT IN THE AIR
    AND I WONDER WHEN WE ARE EVER GONNA CHANGE
    LIVING UNDER THE FEAR TILL NOTHING ELSE REMAINS

    ALL THE CHILDREN SAY
    WE DON`T NEED ANOTHER HERO
    WE DON`T NEED TO KNOW THE WAY HOME
    ALL WE WANT IS LIFE BEYOND
    THUNDERDOME

    SO WHAT DO WE DO WITH OUR LIFES
    WE LEAVE ONLY A MARK
    WILL OUR STORY SHINE LIKE A LIGHT
    OR END IN THE DARK
    GIVE IT ALL OR NOTHING

    WE DON`T NEED ANOTHER HERO
    WE DON`T NEED TO KNOW THE WAY HOME
    ALL WE WANT IS LIFE BEYOND
    THUNDERDOME

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  148. Regarding the shaman thing, I find it's a typical lie among others from people who do drugs. I think it has a symbolic ideal to people who surf on couches and do too many drugs and aspire for nothing. The other lies are: I used to be a drug dealer, I'm part of the family, my parents are rich, i was in the special forces and was discharged from killing families or refusing to kill families, I was raped/molested/abused, I have nightmares (that you make go away), if you talk to people who used to know me you'll know how important I am, and I have so many friends I miss and left behind that could tell you how great I am. They also tend to know and be great friends with and have done many things for famous people. And not infrequently suffered an almost debilitating injury that managed to debilitate them. For some reason these people tend to come up in drug induced environments, which is why I think it has a symbolic idealism. Who's met one? Any I'm forgetting?

    With women, it's that they know a ton of famous people, but women dont tend to be as pathological about stuff like that.

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  149. Tell me more about this shaman, Eden.

    I think maybe you mentioned him before?

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  150. That's cool. Im not a fan of doom metal, if it is what I'm thinking it is, but the lyrics are great. WHat do you play?

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  151. I think it has a symbolic ideal to people who surf on couches and do too many drugs and aspire for nothing.

    My gut says YES on this one with regards to plastic shamans.

    And as to the rest... yep, been there done that. Most of that describes the ex-junkie guy almost exactly.

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  152. And I'd like to hear about your Shaman, Medusa. I'll show you mine, you show me yours first. Lets compare sscars, I'll tell you yours is worse.

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  153. "Ah, so that's your secret. Not sure why you made such a big deal out of it?"

    Well... cuz there's a second reason I kept it to myself on this blog... but I'm still going to keep that one to myself for now. I've got to start exercising more caution, after all.

    Let me just ask you this... do you recall anyone coming here claiming to be a sociopath, who also claims to be a shaman, or maybe a Navy Seal? Just curious...

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  154. Seriously, its a cookie cut out, right? They're exactly the same, and all as pathetic. Once you know the signs, they're soo easy to avoid.

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  155. Well the doom metal I like is more like very low-tuned, slow, minimalist, bluesy, with a heavy meandering bass with a sometimes Eastern modality, and very dark. No growling or screaming vocals as I'm not big on that shit.

    As for me: guitar, bass, vocals.

    And piano, but mostly for classical stuff.

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  156. Hm. That doesn't sound too bad. Especially when you describe it that way. :)
    And I'm super open minded when it comes to music. I hate techno. And house. And Dub Step, and all that BS. But I'm pretty open to anything else, so it sounds like something id love. It's very obviously something you love very much. How long have you been doing music, and does it pay your bills, or are you in process?

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  157. They are actually. I just had never met one growing up in New Mexico. It's such a poor state. You can't brag about much out there unless you move there from another state. The junkies I knew there, never thought much of themselves... I was so used to people putting themselves down. I'd been around arrogance before... but not to this degree. I knew there had to be more to it with him.

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  158. Not to be lazy, but probably the best way for you to read about the shaman is to type this into google:

    site:http://sociopathworld.com shaman

    You can get a good idea by just looking at the blurbs under the links in the search results without even having to click on them.

    Then you can see what was going through my head at the time, as I'm pretty distanced from it by now.

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  159. They always have a story about some monumental drug experience too, like it was this amazing life changing event, this one time they were high, and it changed them forever, or they bonded so deeply with the other users and theyre such deep true friends, but that's just every loser drug user.

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  160. dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  161. That's ok, I'm sure it boils down to something like he was a loser, and you're over it, right?

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  162. @Medusa

    Good song. I'd love to hear your version of it for sure. I loved Mad Max!

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  163. I hate techno. And house. And Dub Step, and all that BS.

    That pretty much lists all the music I hate as well. Although I would add new country. (The old shit is the bomb.)

    Oh and a certain sort of hipster indie rock. You know, kids in big eyeglasses whispering too close to the mic and playing the guitar like they are throwing feathers at it.

    Everything else I'm open minded-about as well.

    How long have you been doing music, and does it pay your bills, or are you in process?

    Piano since I was 5, guitar since I was 12.

    Yes, in the process, which is the big issue right now that I've been referring to lately.

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  164. They always have a story about some monumental drug experience too, like it was this amazing life changing event, this one time they were high, and it changed them forever

    Holy shit, yes! I would describe this more but for some reason I don't have the patience to write it out.

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  165. I like Dub Step... but only what my nephew has turned me on to... a lot of it is crap. Hate the others that were mentioned though.

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  166. Actually I don't even know what dub step is.

    Is it like sped up reggae?

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  167. Let me find one my nephew plays... and I will put up a link.

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  168. Lol. It's totally ok. You've seen one youve seen them all. I don't need to hear about any more idiot losers. We used to meet two a night when I went to work with my husband. They're just a stupid hippy type that feigns emotional morality to justify their failures and lack of work ethic... For example, What "I don't believe in material wealth and believe in sharing all my worldly possessions" really means, is "I like not having a job and find sharing to be easier. Plus I deserve the fruits of your efforts."
    Seriously it's a whole sub culture. They all have the same belief system. The details aren't that important.

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  169. no drugs or good music Missy Kanney? no fun

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  170. I think it's hip hop beats. so like house or techno, but with hip hop. Does that make sense? Its all just as bad, eaten up chewed up music.
    And I'm a HUGE randy Travis fan! I love country. I don't knopw about new stuff, I don't listen to the radio much. I'm pretty outside of pop culture. I've never even heard anything by lady gaga

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  171. We'd be smoking weed in the house where he lived with his son whilst telling me he was worried about said son's marjuana habit.

    "Well he knows you smoke, right?"

    "Well, yeah..."

    Silence.

    He's waiting until his son is of legal age (two years from now) and then he plans to escape to a remote part of Hawaii to smoke weed and sit around nudist drum circles chanting at the fire with the local elders.

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  172. And that last sentence wasn't even sarcasm. That's exactly what he told me. Says it feels like "home" there.

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  173. Woops... why I put the link in two ways, there is no telling.

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  174. "He's waiting until his son is of legal age (two years from now) and then he plans to escape to a remote part of Hawaii to smoke weed and sit around nudist drum circles chanting at the fire with the local elders."

    LOL That's where my shaman dude now lives!!! I love this fucking site!

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  175. Lol. HAHAHAHA. I'm glad you told me. I hope an unsuspecting shaman finds their way to this site some time so we can fuck with them. They're so delusional, it's hilarious. They think things like drugs add meaning to their life, and make them smarter. They have a knack for adding sentiment to anything that would otherwise require some kind of effort. Lol. That's sad for you, a little bit, but it's really hilarious. The guy I dated had dreams of going back to Santa Cruz and being one with nature and growing weed, and going back to the drum circles, and a lot of them believe in free love too, so no one even has to work to get laid. It's a bunch of bullshit. They enable each other's laziness

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  176. "and a lot of them believe in free love too"

    HA! He used to say Depeche Mode's: Free Love... was his theme song!!!!

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  177. Did you feel like you could grow him up? I think women confuse love with maternal instincts with guys like that. It's something almost every girl goes through, from the women I've met.
    I'm developing a theory about it, in fact... or trying to.

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  178. Just as you said then: Cookie Cutter.
    I'm glad I finally said something. It just confirms everything I said about him.
    Which is why I brought up the "Choad File", last night. He was the first file I did. My friend wanted to expose him, but took hers down. I said, fuck that! I went ahead an put up the perfect file on his ass, and swarms of jilted lovers came forth. They were actually afraid they would get sued because of the hate comments that were left about him, and stories they were revealing. But a lot of his victims deleted their comments on their own.

    When they he found out about the file, he posted a long drawn out blog about what bitter whores my friend and I were, and how I was just jealous because I couldn't be his "queen". He even started telling everyone I was just a "pity fuck", but the very same women who licked up his blog, and spat at my friend and I... were the ones crying about what a tool he turned out to be, a year later!

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  179. Lol Eden.

    He made it clear that if I stayed with him I would have to move to Hawaii with him. Tempting, sort of, but I'm not in escape mode in my life, generally speaking. Or trying not to be.

    So tempted to post a youtube video of him being interviewed, but that's too risky.

    That link...eh. Does nothing for me. But you know what's sorta kinda similar to that sorta stuff that I do like? Just because it's completely insane and absurd?

    Die Antwoord

    I mean, come on, their DJ has Progeria (he's in some of the other videos). Some of their songs are just hilarious in a serious postmodern way.

    Lady Gaga wishes she was this.

    But basically I have barely any idea what's going on in modern music.

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  180. Did you feel like you could grow him up? I think women confuse love with maternal instincts with guys like that.

    Naw. There was the instinct, but by the time I met him I was already beyond that. It's why I left. I don't want that job.

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  181. So your shaman was either Mark Hamill, Dr. Phil, or Kanye West?

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  182. Lol. Good. It's a good thing to grow past.
    I have no interest in modern music, either. it's empty and overstimulated, much like the youth. WHich I hope will be an advantage for them when theyre responsible for the generational upswing.
    Hawaii isnt where you go when you want to make it, Hawaii is where you go when you have made it. It isnt a good place to start from scratch. I guess it could be, but they have a pretty tight system. SInce you want to make this music thing work, are you located opportunistically? Do you make small performances? How are you marketing yourself?

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  183. No... I pulled my name from the file once a bunch of freaky women were contacting me on MySpace, but my friend still has it on the site.

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  184. Let me check. I've not been there in a long time.

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  185. Lol. He'd have you believe he was a spiritual entity of divine worthiness, though he didn't believe in God if it could be otherwise inconvenient or limiting.
    DO you like Rise against? They're my new favorite. And My all time favorites are Queen, Mark Knopfler, and I can't get over Weezer.

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  186. Would you like to see it Medusa?
    It's still there.

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  187. I've recently discovered Imelda May, too. I just love her!

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  188. Ukan Find A New WifeOctober 23, 2011 at 10:38 PM

    with a mind like yours i had higher hopes for your bird

    what a bore

    these birds kiss her ass because she is your wife. without you she is shite

    ReplyDelete

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