Saturday, August 18, 2012

Immune to insecurities

I am dating someone who has loads of insecurities, body image issues, career dissatisfaction, etc. The insecurities are not to the point that they're annoying, they're just there and in ways in which this person readily accepts about themselves. The whole thing is actually pretty attractive to the sadist in me. But it has also gotten me thinking about what it means to be insecure. See, I don't think I've ever been insecure. I know it sounds absurd. It’s not like I think that I am the best at everything. I am well-aware of my many failings. I guess it’s just that they don’t bother me, and I certainly don’t identify with them in this bizarre, fixated way that I often see people do.

I was talking to my friend about this, because she often suggests that I am overly secure with myself. We had the following conversation:

M.E.: I think you're the one that's really made me realize that I am basically not insecure about anything

Friend: If anything you're oblivious

M.E.: Oblivious?

Friend: To others reactions or positions which in turn insulates you and makes you immune

Very insightful, I thought. I do seem to have the ability to be targetedly oblivious to things. I know in the abstract that there are people who hate or judge me, but I probably wouldn't be able to name specific people. Is this the origin of my confidence? Is it really because I don't care what people think, or that I think they're wrong, or maybe that I just am blind to others disapproval.

95 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Keshawn the only clue I get?

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    2. i'll give you more when you give me some. 50/50 style you know

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    3. OK. Call me Mr. S. Nice to meet you, Keshawn. What do you do in the Norfolk area, bay?

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    4. Bay i'm just going to school and working. I'm about to go to my cousins house then we are going to head to either lynhaven or mac arthur mall later. If your in the area your more than welcome.

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  2. I have always been secure in what other my consider my short comings, who am I to judge?

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  3. i'm so secure you can call me a bank

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    Replies
    1. A bank or a blank? I, guess, it's in the eye of the beholder. lol

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  4. i always wander why normal ppl are so venerable and insecureties are defendly a part of that.
    that's one of the ways i always knew i was difrend (ofc my father and brother beeing the same it took a little longer)

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  5. I have been told many, many timed that " CONFIDENCE " borders on "CONCIET". But I just don't see it?!?

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  6. question ther's a guy at work who i suspect is an aspie (or schizoid) i can give him anxiety (trigger it) but if i bully him he doesn't react
    you think he's aspie?
    what other ways can i test him?

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    Replies
    1. hes got no facial expression kinda asocial quite

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    2. leave him the fuck alone, see what he does

      aspie or schioid is of no value to you, manipulation doesn't stick either, but if you keep fucking with them then you will probably trip over them, meaning they aren't like the people you are used to messing with so you won't be able to pull the same shit and it will likely fly back at you for one reason or another, and either one of them is potentially capable of hurting you, even though your narcissism probably won't let you see that

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  7. Being insecure/having low self esteem is one of my many masks. I find it's a good scapegoat.

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    Replies
    1. This is a benefit. That way few, if any suspect your capability/precision. I do the same thing appearing more innocent &/or less skilled, less aware.

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    2. And were suppose to care about your capabilities. Get over yourself.

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  8. If I could ask ME some questions, they would be these.
    Has your greater confidence been at the expense of anything?
    Is it an actual confidence or a"exaggerated muscle" which then put opposing muscles at greater risk because they were not developed and were skinny.

    For me, I got very insecure because I had my mother's voice in my head telling me I was bad, selfish,vain etc for things that were just human.

    That was my "muscle" that got super developed i.e being self critical and self rejecting. My confidence got to be the skinny muscle.

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  9. If you want to break a person, you have to take away all of their aspirations to be anything other than an animal. You have to work on the part of them that aspires for higher things than their animal nature.

    You have to make them feel they are "uppity", a big shot or a phoney when they want to rise above the lowest parts of themselves. Then, you have crippled them, forever.

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    Replies
    1. How on earth, as a born anew sociopath,can you have voices in your head which litteraly make you feel bad, even for things which as you say are typical of a neurotypical? Then to add to this, to say this has resulted in your confidence being a skinny muscle instead of , as found in sociopaths, (as we're talking in metaphors) a strong, tough muscle which drives many to believe they can succeed in pretty much whatever they put their mind to? I find this somewhat contradictory to your general accepted view that you are, somehow, a sociopath

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    2. which drives many to believe they can succeed in pretty much whatever they put their mind to?

      Who believes this?

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  10. Replies
    1. What a fucking moron you are, monica. You log in as themes, then log out, then post as name/url? hahaha. What a fucking retard you are. Why did you make themes a blog in the first place.

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    2. Anon 8:49
      You really think your going to get an honest answer from her?

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    3. Eden doesn't need an honest answer from anyone as all her sock puppets can talk to themselves~

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    4. i remember loosing my erection in bed and the girle feeling bad about it
      it was hard for me me not to lol at here feeling bad
      (i allready told here she was ugly)

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    5. you could always post the url of the song in the name of the first post instead in the a reply

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  11. Lynnhaven mall til like 9:00

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    Replies
    1. So your male then Keshawn? It's a start.

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    2. Still no clue who you are bay tehee

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    3. I'm Mr. S... haha. I have brown hair.

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    4. ok i'm Keshawn im 6 ft tall. your turn

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    5. It seems we have at least two things in common. Male, 6'... Now you, Bay?

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    6. Wrestler and i surf religously your turn

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  12. Yeah you should come

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  13. Party later maybe.

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    Replies
    1. party? who said party? let's paaaaaaaaaarty!

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    2. I just want to party

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    3. I am the original party animal.

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    4. Yeah i know...

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    5. so what kind of party animal are you? party duck?

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    6. shit flinging party monkey?

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    7. Frank makes the ladies wild, if he can say so, hisself

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    8. I was going to ask about you, Zoe. I have not seen you around, lately. How have you been? Do you have a new hombre in your life? Tell Frank all.

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    9. no hombre, Frank :(

      i would love a hombre. but they don't seem to be dropping from the sky and the cats haven't dragged any to the door yet, just icky mice. at the moment i'm too busy to do anything about it..

      so tell me, what's new with Frank?

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  14. ME wrote...
    I know in the abstract that there are people who hate or judge me, but I probably wouldn't be able to name specific people. Is this the origin of my confidence? Is it really because I don't care what people think, or that I think they're wrong, or maybe that I just am blind to others disapproval.


    if you're identity doesn't depend on what others think then being "blind" to their disapproval is inevitable, in a way.

    i think it's possible to care and not have your identity depend on it. this would be a confident empath. in such a case, i guess, caring might mean validating opinions we don't agree with and giving them room to exist, rather than letting them cannibalize your core - the traditional approach.


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  15. God what a boring post.

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  16. ME:

    "The whole thing is actually pretty attractive to the sadist in me."

    What a surprise and lovely.

    Me:

    "is it really because I don't care what people think, or that I think they're wrong, or maybe that I just am blind to others disapproval."

    I'd say it's because you are a sociopath etc.

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  17. Replies
    1. not much. tell me something cool aspie

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    2. My question was in response to your "?" with the youtube link. Anyway, that was just some part of a song I liked the other day. Something cool? How about watermelon on a bed of ice?

      How are things with you. Do you think sociopaths can be "good" or is it possible? Do you think they are misunderstood?

      I really enjoy speaking with women lately. Moreso than males. They are very intelligent in their way, in my exp.

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    3. an with vodka in 'em :)

      i think we assume that those who are aware of their "badness" are somehow more evil than the rest simply because they are aware. and we let the bad empaths off the hook because they just couldn't help themselves. so here is my question: are sociopaths really worse than empaths? that there are proportionally more of them in prison (if you believe the testing) means nothing since we don't know what percentage of people who have never committed crimes are sociopaths. in theory, sociopaths might even be less violent than empaths, who knows.

      i think everyone is misunderstood by someone.

      maybe the biggest illusion we have is the power of free will. i believe we have it. the question is to what extent. when we choose to do good instead of bad, or the other way around, how much of that is really choice and how much just the brain's wiring?

      "They are very intelligent in their way" - this made me lol.

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    4. yeah, lol, i didn't mean it in a sexist or arrogant way, just that i have been surprised at how self aware (and honest) and at even the vocabulary level of many of the women I have been speaking to has been... it's interesting and I guess also sexy too, also very rewarding in terms of sharing

      i could be wrong, and I often think that many of my opinions and ideas and intellectual notions are sometimes driven by or are the result of the simplest of things including and esp. stress levels and other things that influence hormones and associated behaviour... but S's do seems to have a bad bent... i mean that objectively, my exp has not been very bad with these types... it's been for the most part quite good.. but they are not helpful people.... they are present but what they give back is often a manipulated truth... it's presence all wrong.... you take an nt and he may be jumbled up, but get him present and he will usually be there and truthful...

      for me it's all about intention... "normals" or "Nts" do commit evil acts... but the difference often is they are reacting emotionally to things... sociopaths are not operating from a base of honesty, but manipulation and shaping... what is worse than that?

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    5. but the answer surely can't be that everyone should be like everyone else. that's been tried and it failed. so why not let the sociopaths manipulate and shape shift reality, and arm ourselves with awareness? they are as entitled to being the way they are as anyone else. it's when we walk the path of "this is how it should be" that we're most vulnerable to manipulation and easy prey. but it's then that we're often the biggest prey to our own selves.

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    6. I don't know for sure about that last sentence in that paragraph you have there... perhaps...but that's a good point imo Zoe... however my point is not that everyone should be like everyone else but more that some people are like this and watch out. i think "evil" displayed by S and nt is usually quite different... and the S by nature is always looking for pity, always looking to blame the victim... is it not?

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    7. yes, good point, aspie. the trick is in recognizing it before you're hooked, isn't it?

      those looking for pity and someone to blame are also the narcissists aren't they? or maybe both do it? i always see the sociopaths as the fun ride that suddenly ends without explanation, and the bad being what you do in your head afterward, the vilifying, to explain to yourself why it ended.

      the narcissists are the ride you hardly ever get to go on. you spend most of your time waiting in the line and watching them go round and around.

      whatever they are they will suck the life out of you if you try to fix them. so i no longer do this: let them in

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    8. in real life i now steer clear of people like that and no longer bother trying to analyze them. the second you engage them, even only in thought, they've gotten into your head. personally, i don't think they deserve the mental effort for the analysis. i don't mean here, or what we do here in general, but am referring to the leaches in real life looking for a free ride. they're a bitch to peel away once they attach themselves.

      actually writing here is an excellent way to self reflect, and assess if you're still actively engaged in an unhealthy relationship, even if only in your head.

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    9. that's more or less what i meant by "we're often the biggest prey to our own selves".

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    10. to use an analogy...

      the part of town where i live is invaded by a very aggressive weed. there is no getting rid of it. you'd pretty much have to replace all the soil in the neighbourhood. now i have a neighbour who HATES this particular weed so much that she always works herself up into a state if you remind her of it. she is in a war with this weed.

      her yard is pristine because she spends much of her time pulling them out and trying to get at the roots. but while she keeps them under control in her yard, they have overrun her mind.

      in my yard, they live in all the corners, and i don't bother with them unless they get too aggressive. but they hardly ever get inside my head. that's my approach to the sociopaths and the narcissists. :)

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  18. I am what I am, having been a former empath groomed to be a sociopath. But I'm enjoying having evoked to this. If anything my mentor is envious. I WON he LOST. Whos to say I'm evil now when I have slayed him?

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  19. jfmBITCH...........
    Don't you know - we all judge ourselves! You will do this in the hereafter, also. God doesn't judge you - you judge yourself.

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  20. I have no bad feelings for anything I now do now. I feel justified!

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  21. i cannot be light rt now.

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  22. Dear M.E.,

    I hate reading these conversations. Your friends offer the same bullshit wannabe-interpretive crap advice I have encountered from the few I have myself confided in.

    Do us all a service and discontinue this particularly boring variety of upload!

    Thank you

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  23. I think its just an unwavering intent to remain happy? I don't know if I have insecurities.. all I know is that I experience insecurity in my life.

    ReplyDelete

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