Sunday, August 19, 2012

Ordinary

I have encountered some truly extraordinary people recently, and that's got me thinking about what it means to be ordinary vs. extraordinary. I have always been successful at whatever I have done, and I've always had a healthy opinion of myself, but sometimes I wonder if I have somehow squandered my potential. I think most people do. I have a lot of talents that I feel could be used to do something extraordinary, if circumstances necessitated it. But I also don't really feel like carving out a piece of fame for myself just for the sake of carving out a piece of fame. If I was to achieve really great, fame worthy things, I think I would be more a Wellington responding to a Napoleon, not a Napoleon determined to alter the course of human history. I think I like day-to-day living too much to choose such a distinguished life. Perhaps the least sociopathic thing about me is that I really really like people. They fascinate me, they amuse me. I have frequently dedicated myself to some plan or another for a time, collecting little achievements as I go, but if I have aspired to anything beyond conquering these little obstacles of life, it is to be a sommelier of people. A gourmand of the human condition. I appreciate humanity, but I'm set apart. Or at least that's been my M.O. for the past decade or so. And for me to be as ensconced in humanity as I am requires concentration and dedication that doesn't allow for much else.

Still, the spectre of extraordinary haunts me, sneaking in in little ways. As I recently wrote a friend:
I need to pour my energies into more productive things and stop indulging myself all the time. I feel like emotionally I am frequently tempted into eating the equivalent of [fill in the blank food allergy]. I know it will make me sick, but I do it anyway because it is there and I don't want to deny myself anything. I don't know why, I have always been bad about saying no to things. I think I worry that otherwise life will pass me by. I have a friend who says things like, "everything we do changes us, we should be careful about what we do." I think you think the same way, like when you told me not to sic C on K. Maybe you thought it was wrong, but your strongest arguments for me were your concerns over how it would change me. Would I be like a shark who has acquired a taste for human blood? Would I eventually have to be put down? I don't want to trade self control for mere experiences. At least, I should be very careful whenever those are the terms of the exchange. I have a scarcity of self control as it is.
I believe I have made the right decisions so far. I believe I have been correctly walking the fine line between doing things for experience, glory, fame, amusement or whatever, and not doing things because they will change me for the worse. But I understand the temptation of becoming extraordinary. I feel the allure daily. But I agree with this quote from a film about an extraordinary musician and her ordinary sister: "If you think that being an ordinary person is any easier than being an extraordinary one, you're wrong."

118 comments:

  1. Maybe M.E. has seen "Looking for Mr. Goodbar"?

    I do not consider myself a sociopath, although I did stay at a Holiday Inn Sexpress once. (*ba dump*) But seriously folks, the sociopath (or smartass?) within me does have the odd impulse of finding competence insecurities within sociopaths, and then inserting blades to twist. Yes, this is insane but I can scarcely contain this impulse.

    It works thus: The sociopaths or (quasi-sociopaths) I have known will advertise their success and expertise while hiding their real opinions of their own abilities. But these things are easily observed in their behavior. I don’t think they’re being self-delusional, like narcissists. They simply understand that the politics of perception often beats actual achievement out in the real world. I will then do my impulsive stab and twist thing, sometimes subtly, other times overtly.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living. I wholeheartedly agree. Most people’s lives are worthless. How many normals decided, with conscious thought aforethought, to pair up under the dubious principle of romantic love, endure the assembly line of secondary and graduate education, so they can waste the only real treasure any of us ever has, time, to work at cookie cutter jobs they barely tolerate, for the pleasure of being a debt ridden consumer and a wage slave until they retire, all the while programming the next generation to continue their fine tradition of leading lives of quiet desperation? How many normals have even considered the worldview, the background set of beliefs and ideas that inform those decisions to begin with? How many of them have ever seriously and deeply asked WHY?

    M.E., you’ve made a conscious choice. You’ve chosen your life, deliberately, willfully, with full awareness. As far as I’m concerned, that is extraordinary in and of itself.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Most people’s lives are worthless.

    Define worth in the context of describing a person's life.

    ReplyDelete
  4. In my original comment, I quoted Socrates as saying the unexamined life is not worth living. Within that context and using his quote as a measure, most people's lives aren't worth living hence worthless, since the majority of them neither examine themselves nor their lives.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think normals spend a lot more time examining their lives than we do. It's one of the reasons they're not plagued by the insatiable boredom. They spend time reflecting on their past and present, as well as their relationships. Why do you think so many empaths show up here looking for answers? They don't wallow in confusion for the fun of it.

    Generally speaking, it's the narcissistic types who don't spend much time genuinely evaluating their own lives. They're too busy thinking about the future, too accepting of everything they've done, too caught up in "the game," to really give it much thought. But there are obviously exceptions.

    To really examine something, you have to be able to look at it objectively. If you look back and see only awesome and right, you're not really capable of that. In my opinion, that's not what Socrates was talking about.

    I think he was referring to the ability to learn from your mistakes and grow into the person you want to be, to really mold yourself and not just your environment. It takes a lot of courage and strength to change the way you look at both yourself and the world, and many narcissistic types just don't have it. They're locked into one way of thinking, and they just let it take them where it will. As a person, their growth is permanently stunted, though their knowledge and decision making may steadily improve.

    Now, that type of life, I can definitely see being not worth living--for me at least--though I wouldn't go so far as to call it worthless. Regardless, I believe Socrates was just talking about what brought him (and many others) personal satisfaction, and that's what it all boils down to. If you're satisfied with your life, then it's certainly worth living. By your logic that would mean the life is not worthless.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Peter Pan said, “I think normals spend a lot more time examining their lives than we do. It's one of the reasons they're not plagued by the insatiable boredom. They spend time reflecting on their past and present, as well as their relationships. Why do you think so many empaths show up here looking for answers?”

    Surprise! I beg to differ. What I’ve noticed about the normals that show up here is that they are looking for reinforcement of beliefs they are already committed to rather than examining the validity of those beliefs. They show up wanting to know why the sociopath does this and why the sociopath does that rather than asking themselves why they’re asking to begin with for instance and what they hope to gain when they get the so called answer they were looking for. In my view, the most important questions are directed inward rather than outward.

    Which is another way of stating what I said in my first comment. It’s not that normals never ask questions. It’s that they rarely question the questions they’re choosing to ask and they rarely question themselves to any degree of exactitude. The panoply of background beliefs that determine which questions they’re going to ask is itself left unexamined, and the questioner, the man in the mirror, is also very often left undisturbed by questions of purpose and identity and reality.

    They don't wallow in confusion for the fun of it.

    This is also debatable, as some do indeed “enjoy” confusion rather than clarity. It’s easier for some to pretend as if they don’t know what’s going on than to face the reality staring them in the face, because then they might have to take some responsibility for their lives and take the kind of actions that might lead them out of their comfort zone.

    I can’t comment on what you said about narcissists other than to say that you could be right. I don’t know.

    And as far as my comments about the unexamined life being worthless… I was once again being polemical. Of course it’s truer to say that life is neither worth-full or worthless, it just simply is. And yes, it’s truer to say that personal worth is in the eye of the beholder. It’s entirely subjective in that sense. For many people, satisfaction can be had by simply believing the things they’ve always been taught and that’s fine for them. That is not however fine for me. From my own subjective reference point, most do not ruthlessly examine their lives and ergo their lives are not worth living. Which is to say that I’d rather be dead than be an unquestioning automaton. But that’s just me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right. depression is my comfort zone. that sucks.

      It is very hard, a very hard life. you try not to wallow, you do your best.

      I am not lovable. A very ugly person, loathing self. It's not my fucking fault.

      I am old. What a waste.

      Delete
    2. grotesque siamese twinAugust 19, 2012 at 7:15 AM

      you whine.

      Delete
    3. go fuck yourself.

      Delete
    4. SW Welcoming CommitteeAugust 19, 2012 at 9:17 AM

      Grotesque Siamese twin
      Welcome to SW

      Delete
  7. I have a slightly different take on the reasons behind some of your observations, but overall, I think I can agree with what you just said.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Peter Pan said, "I have a slightly different take on the reasons behind some of your observations, but overall, I think I can agree with what you just said."

    Wow. It's a miracle! Peter Pan overall agrees with Daniel Birdick... therefore god exists. lol

    ReplyDelete
  9. We agree quite frequently, Daniel. Our differences are usually in the details. I've chosen to respect those differences instead of wasting time trying to discredit them.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Peter Pan

    That is not true. You and Daniel have disagreed on more than just details.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Did I say always?
    I'm sorry, I meant quite frequently.

    My apologies.

    ReplyDelete
  12. People's lives worth are as subjective as the rest of you two's arguments. Personally I think people don't live life they way it should. Fast, risky, and to the fullest.
    Most of what people argue on here is subjective. Like morals. It's ridiculous.
    To answer a earlier question Peter I do read books, but I think they only serve purpose on labeling life experiences (besides history). I would rather have wisdom than knowledge.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nothing's really extraordinary in the end, everyone dies no matter what their impact, and that impact will be meaningless when man eventually dies. Just enjoy yourself while your here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. eeeeooohhh ahhh the nihilist, bravo, you showed up, how pointless.

      Delete
  14. Pager

    "I do read books, but I think they only serve purpose on labeling life experiences"

    Err.....how on earth do the amazing great literary works do this. They serve as a katalyst for your own brain. Metaphors for life. Wisdom.

    Come on, just be yourself and say hey i dont have the patience, i have things to do that interest me more.

    ReplyDelete
  15. "I do read books, but I think they only serve purpose on labeling life experiences"

    I presume you're referring to "A Clockwork Orange" - hehe.

    http://www.gordonbanks.com/gordon/pubs/kubricks.html

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous said, “Nothing's really extraordinary in the end, everyone dies no matter what their impact, and that impact will be meaningless when man eventually dies. Just enjoy yourself while your here.”

    Zackley.

    ReplyDelete
  17. i do not believe i am a sociopath or an empath. but i have just recently had the experience of one thats brain is severly a sociopath. you all seem to yammer on about what you know more than others, but its all the same, noone, including you are that special. your just a little more shallow because of the illusion you create and dont understand the stuggles of really contributing to something else besides yourselves. sad, shallow, damaging, NOT brillant, or unique. just sad, selfish, childish egomaniacs that truly have no enlightment. i challenge you all to attain enlightment, and please dont purchase a card telling yourselves and others you have it. with your intelligence, calculating coldness, really use it to make the planet better for all, and then you might play the game of life where others can exist on your playing field and challenge your actions, thought process, or points of view. but please if you are such tremendous vaulable socio's use your power for future generations. we are all connected and all effect this beautiful planet. please would you just for 2days a week grow up and out of yourselfs. Peace! Nameste!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Enlightened people don't generally stumble around telling people to "grow up."

      How stoned are you, really?

      Delete
    2. "with your intelligence, calculating coldness, really use it to make the planet better for all"

      it was insightful up until this point, where you demonstrated a severe misunderstanding. the rest is too new age pseudo spiritual half truths and wishy washy feel good unrealistic expectations babble, the kind that many unaware narcissists spout in real life without it meaning anything to them, and without them realizing it doesn't mean anything to them.

      These people are not capable of productive change. You are asking a pathologically self-deceived person to stop being self-deceived, they CAN'T stop, these people don't change on a fundamental level, but the people AROUND them do, and they often take credit for that.

      You are asking water to not be wet, grass to not grow, and birds to not fly. It is YOU who must grow up and transcend, and let the demons fall into a hell of their own making without wasting your energy attempting to change them.

      Delete
    3. how can one make the planet bttr for all? See, this i what I really hate about you fucking religious people. The planet has been going to shit since it came into existence. Know how when a person gets born it just starts getting "ruined" We are like just like the earth. That's what your fucking god created.

      ANd if your almighty, if he had a fucking plan, planned it to separate the weak from the strong. and planned it so people like me don't procreate. And planned it that someone like me, a strong one, did not procreate. SO don't tell me god wants strong people to breed. he wants strong people to fight.

      And if your god planned everything, he'd wanted me to be chosen to ideate suicide. And that's one of the reasons I don't do that. Because then god won. Fuck your stupid god. I've prayed to some force, even used the word god. No one is there. And yet a whole bunch of freaks are living the high life thinking god put them here because he loved them.


      I ask, how can anyone make better for society when it is so fucked. One of my favorite quotes here is don't blame me blame society.

      Delete
    4. God's plan was to lessen procreation and keep the strong. There are too many people in the world. Adopt, you fucking stupid breeders.

      Delete
    5. well if you so strong why don't you become a protester? An educator? A politician? Better society with all that beautiful anger, why don't you. Instead of sit on your ass why don't you better society?

      Delete
    6. shutup cunt, I'm not in the mood for you.

      Delete
    7. "but please if you are such tremendous vaulable socio's .."


      which ones are the douchebags here that have actually called themselves valuable? I forget.

      Delete
  18. Learn to form a coherent sentence, and I'll attain Enlightenment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Post Menstral, did it never occur to you that there are peeps here doin that shit just ta piss people like you off?

      Delete
  19. @PMS Shut the fuck up. That is all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. if pms is your name in short you must be a borderline woman

      Delete
  20. "Life", as it's called, is going to pass you by no matter what you choose to do, so do what you want.

    ReplyDelete
  21. bug or an old one?(1st kinda)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and to think i sended you an article for a nice post
      parels voor de zwijnen

      Delete
  22. I have to go look up the word sommelier.
    ME uses words as a gourmet uses food. I love how the words caress you when he writes.
    As for the subject, I would like to get as enough detachment from myself to be able to choose what I wanted to be/do.
    I think that detachment is an important step if one has a hard past to overcome, as many of us do.
    I think I am too close to myself. I am all intertwined with myself like a grotesque Siamese twin.
    Being here has helped me to detach, some, such that I can appreciate ME's detachment. However, I don't have it, as of yet.
    Great article, once again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you just need some tlc
      i'll disarm you slowly and gently
      i'll make love to you slowly and gently
      and i'll kill you with kindness slowly and gently

      Delete
    2. Where do you live?

      Delete
    3. the gentlest of criminals

      Delete
    4. killing people with kindness. That's also what I see. People getting duped all the time by kindness.. ugh. A socio ruined you asses because the socio pretended he was kind. Get a fucking read on people. If someone takes your money, get it back or strong arm him. I'm not putting myself above others (a joke for you idiots) but stop being so fucking stupid.

      There's a reason we hate the weak and hate ourselves for being weak at the same time. To hate in another what you don't like in yourself is not fun, but it doesn't go away like magic. It doesn't go away, and this forgiving people is complete bullshit. I know because I've tried it. And Monica, just because you love and forgive your mother doesn't mean you should not have wacked her over the head with a lead pipe and killd that cunt.

      2 wrongs don't make a right bullshit. There is evil, alright. You want to accept that part of yourself sometimes. Justice is good. SUre, in the long run who gives a fuck. But i the short run, mwah.

      Delete
    5. you learn quickly, anon 6:37.

      Delete
    6. grotesque siamese twin. Ha!!!!!!!!!!!

      Delete
    7. Quite an image~

      Delete
    8. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyeBqe4C9y0&feature=related

      Delete
    9. The words caress you?
      Monica you're turned on by me. You love her seduction stories and implications, and you want to be an object of corruption.
      I say go for it. God will forgive you, and it will help you to embrace your sin so you can truly ask forgiveness for what you crave because you will know it.
      Monica, go have sex with a stranger in an alley. Indulge, somehow.

      Delete
    10. Kany
      Sexual intimacy is easy( not that I am a ho ~) The hardest intimacy is emotional intimacy, first with oneself and then, bravely, with another.

      Delete
    11. srsly Monica, you are such a ho.

      But never mind.
      How DO you go about asking/expecting intimacy from a normal person when you have trouble delivering?

      Do you have to lie?

      I want them to trust me even though I am detached. Do I have to withhold the truth and keep mouth shut until I am successful? To tell it is very painful and I know how that scenario goes. -It would seem like intimacy to them. But it is not.

      will anybody with the intimacy problem talk about their relationship to their normal sig other?

      Delete
    12. Anon 9:51
      I totally know what you are talking about. Anyone with a PD, even co-dependency, which is considered a vanilla PD, if you will, cannot be emotionally intimate, basically.
      This is my dilemma, and the dilemma of others with PDs, if they care to face it imo
      I can't give an easy answer. If I could, I would be a billionaire. I am trying to find the answer, step by step.

      My current stage of understanding, at the moment is this. One MUST have some sort of a solid, identifiable self before one can be emotionally intimate. This is because emotional intimacy IS a sharing of one's self.

      Sure, one can fake emotional intimacy. Perhaps, the other person will believe it( for a short time or even a long time) That is not the point. Oneself wants to experience emotional intimacy as it is more precious than anything.

      It is part of what makes life worth living.

      That is why I strive for it, so much. I was healthy enough, at one point in my life, to be able to have emotional intimacy, so I do have a baseline from which to work.

      The funny thing when I heal is that my progress and my results are totally different than what I expected. When I get a new part of myself kick in, it is not what the shrinks would tell me "should" be me. It is a totally different piece, but a piece I knew from the past.

      That is why I treasure my healing so much.

      I hope you understand some of this, Anon dear.

      Delete
    13. Yes, and thank you very much.

      Delete
  23. sommelier: wine steward.

    "I love how the words caress you when he writes."

    JESUS CHRIST! Monica, go get a life go live!

    ""Life", as it's called, is going to pass you by no matter what you choose to do, so do what you want."

    Heed that shit!

    ReplyDelete
  24. across the street from you
    (i SEE you)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. o my god why didn't you come over?

      Delete
  25. belgium btw is haven from belgium2 here blog's got a .be extention
    and the only haven citty in belgium is antwerpen so i take it she's from there

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. jum jum i've had lots of antwerp callgirles
      Grrr

      Delete
  26. i'm not real
    i'm bits and bites

    ReplyDelete
  27. it's so hot here i feel the need to take off my clothes
    feel free to follow my lead ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. may i come over?

      Delete
    2. we're in the pool
      coctails optional

      Delete
    3. i'm sorry i got busy, maybe tomorrow?

      Delete
  28. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84cXRKxaCpg

    ReplyDelete
  29. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNErWi_lTig&feature=related

    ReplyDelete
  30. A final farewell letter to my sociopath: I have thought about everything, our conversations in earlier days exposed everything. You, yourself tried telling me, yet it took an entire year for me to accept. When someone like you tells a person like me that they are incapable of feeling, it becomes a mission to "enlighten" or "change that. I feel everything so passionately. I feel words, i feel music, i feel smiles, tears, hate, love....pictures breathe life in my world. I sometimes wonder if there is an ecstasy for a non-feeler to watch what they themselves do not possess unfold. They cannot
    experience those feelings, but there
    is great satisfaction in being the
    force behind inducing it. To see us
    surrender to the very thing they are void of. It has to be exhilarating to watch it play out. Almost like a mother living her own unfulfilled life through her child. The child will forever long for a trueness in the relationship, yet the mother is
    incapable of separating herself from
    her own personal needs. The desire
    to see herself in that child is the
    driving force. I see this as the
    same. there is a beautiful surrender
    in us that becomes a multifaceted
    pleasure for you. You become the
    oxygen to a masterpiece, a
    masterpiece that represents all that
    you do not possess. The vampires
    depict this so beautifully. They
    became alive on the pages to me.
    An amazing parallel to the insatiable desires in all of us for a supply of something. The fact that they had to stop sucking before death occurred, the exhilarating hunts, the ecstasy in the kill, the close examination of each victim, each word spoke to my soul.....a torturous reality of my own was unfolding. I cannot dismiss all that has brought me to this point. Your willingness to "assist" me was only another self serving attempt to conceal your secrets. Secrets that you not only shared with me, but secrets that have utterly destroyed me. I feel like you stopped sucking, i was suppose to die, but I'm fighting tenaciously to live, and sadder yet, i am slowly turning into the likeness of you. A dark place for me to be, yet necessary to survive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. do i know you
      you sound faliliar

      Delete
    2. you make me REAL

      Delete
    3. now make me a sandwich, woman

      Delete
    4. i'm just a scared little boy who wants to be loved

      Delete
    5. you shown me that there is no other option for me but wearing the mask and living the lie

      Delete
    6. btw i fucked you best friend

      Delete
    7. reality is perception
      controle is an illusion
      and am an illusionist

      Delete
    8. ^^ triple dog dare you to try again tonight

      Delete
    9. I fucked thee ousekeepa

      Delete
    10. ^^gladly ;) and ^i keepa thee ouse

      Delete
  31. "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not ... And when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you. Ended above letter w this amazing quote. Gigs up. Time to come clean.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does not himself become a monster

      Delete
    2. only a bit. 20 % is good enough, maybe 25%.

      Evil is on a continuum anyway. What's the diff?

      Delete
    3. you would like to see me go, yes?

      Delete
    4. ok. for a very long time, like forever?

      Delete
    5. My Love says no. My listness life says yes

      Delete
    6. Take me with you.

      Delete
    7. i am devouring love and put others to shame.

      Delete
    8. we were made for this

      Delete
  32. Shall i end with, "in anticipation of your final revenge"..... sincerely, me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. revange is waisted on the dead

      Delete
    2. i'll revengefuck your best friend

      Delete
    3. your my best friend

      Delete
  33. here i was thinking narcissistic buddha was the only true love

    ReplyDelete
  34. If you are on this badass blog site because you feel some connection to a sociopath, you think yourself a sociopath, then I have a question to ask; where are the bodies? Where is your wake of destruction? If your bodies are buried in your mind because you feel you are capable but just haven't done bad things, you should go seek help through a therapist or a very close friend. If your wake of destruction is nothing more than your family and friends you have tormented with your obsessively narcissistic behavior your whole life and theirs, then I have some good news for you Sunshine; you are just an asshole malignant narcissist.

    If on the other hand your bodies are buried deep in well planned out locations, or your wake of destruction stems to dozens, scores, or more strangers that you have left emotionally, mentally, and/or financially broken; then the likely hood is you are a psychopath (sociopath just sounds too neat to me).

    Only you, the person reading this can answer that question. No need to search any further. Answer the question. Those of you who are psychopaths will not stay here long, this web site isn't life and you can not bury the bodies here. Those of you who can't answer that question truthfully and know they do not fit the mold but still desperately for whatever reason want to be associated with being a sociopath will stay on this blog and demand validation (there is a whole list of regulars that are stuck in this pattern).

    One last thing, to those of you who are not "sociopaths" but here for some other reason, have fun fucking with the "wanna be's". That was a shout out to you Medusa, give them hell!

    I have my answer. I know where all my bodies are buried and where all my destruction has been left. Peace Out Bitches!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you are on this badass blog site because you feel some connection to a sociopath

      i never feel connections

      Delete
  35. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/YouAreNotAlone

    ReplyDelete
  36. Replies
    1. i hope i get to see my thunder buddy a gain one day

      Delete
  37. I think sociopaths are like potatos. Round and good tasting

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What makes you think that?

      Delete
    2. john said that at my house the other day

      Delete
    3. Wait what? I'm a litle out of it. Sorry its monday

      Delete
  38. and toy can make frensh fries with them?

    ReplyDelete
  39. Indeed. Raw potatos are better thoe.

    ReplyDelete
  40. What the blogger seems to have said is that he finds ordinary people extraordinary. I would agree with that.

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.