Wednesday, April 11, 2012

About me? (part 1)

A reader asked me this interesting question:

The more I meditate and the more detached from my emotions I become, the harder I find it to be, to describe myself to people.

I begin to feel as if a personality doesn't exist for me and is dependent upon the moment and what's going on.

And because of this, I constantly find it impossible to put anything in my "About me" on facebook. Almost anything I can think of seems to have some reason behind me not wanting to put it, or mainly I can't find any reason to put anything there... mainly because I don't have a scenario that I wish to set up with words describing myself, which I don't even know how to do. If this makes sense? There's no problem to be solved so how should I portray myself to the world in my about me? I can't be the only person with sociopathic tendencies to have this problem. I literally find it impossible to describe myself to others, because I feel anything I could say would be lying, other than, who I am depends on the situation and the person I am interacting with. It's like how sociopaths have trouble with stable personalities on personality tests.

I would be very interested in reading what you have to think about sociopaths describing themselves, in places such as an about me on facebook.




26 comments:

  1. Thought this was going to be an interesting read, until I hit the part about "facebook". Seriously, wtf is this garbage?

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  2. Yes, this is a problem I have. It's as hard as hell to come up with something that fits, even for a specific audience, even if you know exactly who'll be looking at it.

    Try to make it short and intriguing, and you just look like some trying-too-hard pseudo-intellectual ("I'm special and cool and interesting and a little bit dangerous!!"). Copying the style other people use makes you feel faintly nauseous.

    It's telling that the socios I know are either absent from online networks, or have very bare profiles with no About Me info filled in.

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    Replies
    1. A narcissistic socio WILL have the info section filled up, as well as every GREAT thing they do every minute of the day... like. "Just woke up"

      Earth moving info

      Delete
    2. "Be careful cause with me ya never get the same day twice."

      "I'm a real spitfire, and half the year I have PMS!
      Let's get together for cocktails!"

      Delete
    3. Oh, I am SO going to use those :)

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    4. The fact that the guy gives a shit about this problem suggests to me that he's a narcissist. If he was a shameless sociopath, he'd just accept this part of himself and move on to the next thing.

      I have experienced a similar phenomenon to the questioner and written about it. It may be of use to readers of this blog:

      http://narcissistworld.wordpress.com/2012/04/11/mindful-narcissist/

      As far as I can tell, after a life filled of caring too much about what you think other people think/feel about you, you can put that burden down and just be what you are - because deep down you really don't give a shit what other people think. It is a tremendous relief to attain this.

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    5. Well i wouldn't be so sure about that. This blogger is trying to find some differences between *normal* people and sociopaths to write about.
      I, for example, haven't filled that "about me" section too, but i don't really care about it. I tried to fill all places, when i was updating my new FB account and just skiped some, because i had no ideas, what could i write. Also, i thought that that "about me" section is stupid. Furthermore i think before posting sth to facebook, because i don't want to tell more when i should.
      Oh, by the way, i think it is possible for one to be a narcissistic sociopath :)

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    6. Of course people can be a narc socio.

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    7. you guys are taking it too literally. personal profiles are an entertainment opportunity, nothing more. no one really cares who you are. they want to know two things only: one are you richer/smarter/better than them, and two friend, foe or opportunity?

      i used to hate describing myself too until i realized these intros and profiles were not meant to be soul baring revelations but hellos of sorts. a starting point for rapport. i stopped hating them when i stopped being an "aspie" about them (sorry aspie). name, age, career, kids, cars and cats will tell you nothing. it's all the other stuff, the stuff you want to know about others that they want to know about you.

      still i usually don't bother filling them out either.

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  3. ..Or they just don't give a fuck. This doesn't sound like a socio at all, who could care about what the internet thinks of them. Or if you want to get technical, the face persona you make your relatives/acquaintances believe, because that's all facebook is used for. You'd think a socio would love it, being as you can recreate yourself anyway you'd like, but I personally fucking hate it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You kind of have to care about what the 'internet' thinks about you, when you meet everybody that you date and hang out with on facebook.... It's so much easier, it's also so much easier to control the personality you portray online because you have time to think about what you can say. I really agree with this post as I've had the same issue, I simply don't put more than 2 or 3 words in my about me so it leaves me room to create a personality of whoever I talk to.

      I have different goals for everyone I talk to and it leaves me a wide range of options when I can control how they perceive me

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  4. Hang on a sec.
    You are postulating all sociopaths are the same. Are they? I only ever met my father, and as sociopaths go he's very, very different from you. How are sociopaths different from each other.

    Jung (was it Jung? can't be bothered to google) postulated 16 personality types for empaths/"normal" people. One in every 16 people is like me. I know, because I've met them.

    On facebook: Well, a person is not just the sum of their personality traits. You can talk about what you have acheived, what your work/career is, etc. Don't mention you have a popular blog, or people will ask to read it, haha, unless the facebook profile is for M.E. and not RL!you.

    Ideas for you: you can be ruthless when necesary (it's necessary all the time, but why should they know THAT) but also very, very nice (when you feel like pretending) and you are also a great listener (pft, I'm laughing my head off here.)


    I have an unrelated question that has been bugging me since I first heard you mention that you (and sociopaths in general, i suppose?) get a lot of satisfaction from ruining someone's life (with is fine with me, as hobbies go), in a "look, it's all because of me, you dance to my tune" kind of way.
    Would you hypothetically get the same satisfaction out of helping someone/engineering/manipulating them so they are successful? Knowing that everything they are, everything they have acheived, everything they cherish in their lives, is thanks to you, that YOU have engineered it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't have enough self and I'm bored with trying to better myself. I've never been good at it. I'd like that to change, but I feel disabled in a way.

      If I literally feel selfless, or I lack enough identity, won't I feel satisfaction seeing what another needs and doing for them? Grey put that nicely. It comes from having apathy about my self and having my immediate needs change too often. If I can't do it myself and I need an outlet why not give to another you can see could benefit? You see the fruit of labor. I don't give a fuck about getting public credit. Does any of the above make me a pure altruist? Idk.

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    2. A sociopath would never help someone as a game for themselves unless it were to to knock them down to nothing from a higher height at a later date.
      other people are lesser beings and the fun of destroying them is linked to putting them in their rightful place, not making them successful.

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    3. I think it's about power, Res. Power and control. Unless I'm mixing up sociopathy and narcissism. A person who has controlled another's destiny "selflessly" has power. You keep people indebted to you when you help. Normal people will feel guilty about not giving back. A sociopath knows this and milks you because he knows you're the type to feel beholden to him/her. So I think there can be a plan in place. Am I mixing up sociopathy and narcissism?

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    4. Mmmm. I think it all depends on the sociopath. We may share a common diagnosis but we are as varied as nature allows. I think its also circumstantial, depending on what needs are being met at any given time. If I have no sense of self, who is there to catch the emotional validation that empaths build their identity on? Sometimes I do things just to do them. Just to watch how things are effected. I've found much more power in diplomacy than in being parasitic. I think there is a very narrow perspective out there about true advantage. But to each their own.

      And in referring to social networks, (before I shut down my Facebook) I had a fake one. Fake name, wrong gender, real friends, real photos. I needed to not be searchable, and my friends tolerated this online abomination.. No, they loved it. I didn't have to include my real information, because they were too busy laughing to care. Hiding in plain sight, my "About Me" just said: "Wouldn't you like to know" ;D

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  5. To write something really and truly honest would alienate people. The whole point of social networks is to invite people into your life. I don't want that anyway. I'd feel like a liar because no description sticks to me either. I feel very much like M.E. does.

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  6. i don't think this feeling of being too fluid pertains to just sociopaths. most people define themselves when asked to by listing what they like (breaking bad and micobrews!), what they do for fun (sustainable backyard farming and traveling to the places i saw on anthony bourdain!), what their jobs are (this is the 4th time i've mentioned i'm a dentist!). if you cannot describe yourself to a box you can fill in on the internet, i would say you probably have an excellent personality!

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    Replies
    1. I wouldn't say that... unless I was being completely honest... and what's the point of that? If you're too honest you could push people away who would otherwise be useful.

      In my mind, anything I say is either a lie, or fact, depending on the situation. If I talk to somebody and I don't want them to know a certain fact about my life, even if that fact about my life is true, I consider it a lie in my head. I like becoming the perfect person when I talk to somebody. I won't necessarily tell them I don't do something that I do, but I won't go out of my way to tell them.

      In short, only tell them what is going to be directly beneficial towards your goal with them in one way or another, and leave all the unnecessary information out.

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    2. That's what I feel. I hate small talk and I'm always surprised when I'm engaging in it. When they talk I'm thinking stuff about their presentation and reading them. When I talk, I do it so they think I'm interested in them or I try very hard to seem empathic. I'm not always. What I do is intellectualize and advise. It's generous but I don't think it's warm empathy. People rrally appreciate it. I do share with those like me or those who can help me. But I don't like to socialize. I force myself to do it and it makes me feel alive. But I don't think I am a sociopath. I just think I have very long time depression and detachment and don't like to have people know me. I do feel very, very fluid. I kind of like that but I do get confused. I can't possibly be a sociopath but I end up manipulating situations to my advantage all the time and people start liking me and then I'm uncomfortable with it a lot of times. I think it's an attachment disorder and bpd more than sociopath. I'm glad to be here with people who talk about feeling fluid and detached. I have told a very select few a bit of this. They think it's "interesting" and want to hear more. Then I feel like I'm on display and I don't like that..

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    3. I like the twitter about being asleep . I think I sleepwalk through life. what a waste, huh? I can't wait till I'm better. I refuse to think I am stuck. My life changes daily and I make strides. I hope that whomever is reading this and can relate to it that they can do anything, too. Oh yeah, I'm a nihilist but I still believe in hope and I can't live any other way. Nor should anyone else.
      Peace

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    4. it is what it is, anonymous

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    5. In my mind, anything I say is either a lie, or fact, depending on the situation.

      So what you say is either true or it's not true. Well fuck me.. whoda thunk it.

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    6. i think what anonymous meant was: what is truth or lie to you is only a tool to me, and not to be confused with the absolute truth (or lack of). which doesn't really exist anyway.

      Delete

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