Saturday, April 14, 2012

Love sick? Or sick love?

I have often voiced the opinion that empaths who chronically fall in love with sociopaths do so not despite but because of their sociopathy. Many readers have vehemently disagreed. Why? What is so scary? Is it because I'm suggesting that sociopaths are actually loveable? Or is it disturbing to believe that individual people -- not just society, business, and evolution -- find sociopathic traits worthwhile and attractive? This reader and lover of sociopaths has enough self-awareness to realize she is attracted to sociopaths for who they are:
I find myself attracted to "sociopaths" again and again, or at least people who have all of the defining traits of sociopaths. Often these people are drug abusers or alcohol abusers. I do not know what the allure is, except perhaps to live vicariously through people who seem to take what they want out of life. Many of them are incredibly good looking, which makes me wonder if the attention they are getting from their physical gifts helps cultivate this addiction to power that they have over others, since they get so much attention. I am a bit of an attention whore myself, so I understand it and always (foolishly?) admire it in people who are better at it than I am. I am not some hapless creature who is going to get pregnant by one of these creatures, but I thoroughly enjoy the energy they give off and like being around it. So many people I know are sad sack depressives, I get sick of their constant whining, but I am guilty of it myself sometimes but also more strongly identify with manic or hypomanic folk that are also hypersocial. I realize that I am often a pawn, and I play the part I am supposed to play, with the sociopath often not realizing I have any more depth than the part they have assigned to me. (which is generally sweet hapless thang whom they take advantage of sexually) I do not mind this, as I have a very masculine attitude towards sex and am happy with arrangements that are primarily sexual. I can socialize and go to the movies with my friends, and then have my sociopathic lover come over later that night. The domination is annoying, as it always has to be on their terms, that is my only beef with this kind of arrangement with this kind of person, but men are generally horny enough that i hear from them just as I begin having withdrawal symptoms. All of my friends are like "you'll never be able to have a normal relationship with a guy like that", but then I look at their boring arrangements, how they are often pining or having a crush on someone else, or going on antidepressants from lack of stimulation in their lackluster long term relationships, and I just have to ask myself- why are the kind of arrangements I enjoy so taboo? Why is everyone telling me all the time that I need to find someone 'normal' and be in a "healthy" relationship? Jealousy! I think people are jealous of this kind of excitement.. As long as one braces themself for the ride, and realize their part in the game, it can be deeply satisfying to be involved with such people. While they may technically be nutjobs, I so much prefer to be around an exciting person than a sweet dullard. I just find these type of men more masculine. I don't need a man who is as touchy feely, wishy washy and as insecure as myself. Yuck. I have a number of male friends who say to me "you deserve better" but their idea of better is themselves, like they would "treat me right". I'd rather be a pawn of an incredibly attractive bastard than worshiped by some tepid "nice guy". These nice guys wouldn't act any differently if they were much better looking or as fearless as the sociopathic types they despise and tsk-tsk.
Good use of the phrase "tsk-tsk."

90 comments:

  1. This is self-awareness?

    I disagree. This is someone who justifies her decision to "love" a sociopath while denegrating the healthier relationships that can be available to her.

    Personally, as someone who has loved at least one bonafide sociopath, I feel as though I am self-aware in this regard.

    Yes, the sociopath has very alluring qualities - but what you get is a lie, a facade of a real person. There is no true intimacy, no true exchange of love, empathy, shared values and dreams. There is only the mask of what they think you want them to be. And when they are done or bored or through with you...they can simply walk away. It's all a lie.

    And to love someone like this, is only to lie to yourself. I know. I did it for two years.

    Never will I betray myself for anyone again. Sociopath or not.

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    1. I understand the woman who says she enjoys and attracts sociopathic men. I get that. i do too. But, she is compromising her authentic self and all she could be without this parasitic nomadic carnivore. And the role we play with them is self-deception and slowly, insidiously wears our true worth down...we know, without question, how to play the game and the game is his-I knew all along the game I was in and he did not have a clue,I saw through all his deceptions and allowed him to be the extreme and cunning master manipululator and so edept at charming his way around everybody..............eventually, yes, he will tire when he knows he has taken all he could from this person........that he can get no further.........and all the while, in the backround noise of his mind he will be pining for his next target, victim, stimulation to empower his lack of true connectedness ! Be careful...in the end they usually pull a nasty, nasty contemptuous exit!!! And does it really feel so good to be in a role where one really has to play utter ignorance..so passively..a role of true self-deprecation, allowing a predator to have his will.........temporarily, of course and always if one has some semblance of self-regard. Sociopaths no more....hit the next target!!!! They are exceptional in their ruse!

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    2. NO KIDDING. I'M WITH YOU! TRUE PREDATORS/TRUE LIES ! INTIGUING FOR A WHILE...THEN MOVES IN A DANGER ZONE.....RUN..RUN...RUN...

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    3. The best I've ever had in bed was not a sociopath but this mild-mannered geek who surprise the hell out of me. In fact, the sociopath I almost married learned his moves from me and most certainly used them on each victim afterwards, lol! At first he didn't even care if I was satisfied, but got a rush the first time he heard me scream and from then on it was his ego that was pleased by pleasing me. Plastic bastard. I've never once looked back on him -- never missed the head games for one day. It was like all of a sudden he was gone (I dumped him) and I was glad.

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    4. I am see a sociopath too and I think I'm over it now. I think the excitement of being with one has to do with being young and emotionally immature, which I have been. I'm just bored with the same old shit now. Just be careful not to waste too much time with them, because you don't get time or your youth back.

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  2. Who said I "love" them? I just enjoy the carnality and the variety, so when things end, I'll just find another one. This seems to be my pattern. You can have your wishy washy, Oprah-ish idea of a "healthy" relationship, many which end in divorce or marital boredom. (54% divorce rate! and look at the ones who stay married...) Why is a woman public enemy #1 if she does not believe in fairy tale love and "healthy" (read: long term monogamous relationships with children) relationships? Some women are just more adventure seeking than security seeking...Deal with it.

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    1. I eventually get bored with the carnality. It's good for about a year. Then I get either bored or THINK I want more. I don't know if I do what Monica does, which is cast off my desire to be ok desiring more (who fucking knows) or if I do not want more. I can't make up my mind so I put off making any decisions. They shouldn't be made in a vacuum, I know. I know I need to take other's views into consideration. But somehow, after getting the other's input, I simply want to yield to them. It's easier that way. I get a fucking blahness about me. I want to want something definitively.

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    2. Don't settle. Have your cake and eat it too. Figure it out.

      Delete
    3. [Edith] (spoken)
      I have no complaints. I have everything I ever wanted.

      [Edie] (spoken)
      You had a rich husband; you should've stayed with him.

      [Edith] (spoken)
      I had a perfect marriage... beautiful children... terribly successful marriage,
      I never had a fight in my life.

      [Edie] (spoken)
      Ha!


      Send “The Cake I Had” Ringtone to Cell Phone

      [Edith] (spoken)
      I have no complaints. I have everything I ever wanted.

      [Edie] (spoken)
      You had a rich husband; you should've stayed with him.

      [Edith] (spoken)
      I had a perfect marriage... beautiful children... terribly successful marriage,
      I never had a fight in my life.

      [Edie] (spoken)
      Ha!

      [Edith] (spoken)
      I had a very, very happy, satisfying life.

      [Edie] (spoken)
      Can't be done. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. You can't.

      [Edith] (spoken)
      Ohhhh yes you can.
      I most certainly did have my cake and eat it, down to the last crumb.

      (sung)
      What good is cake
      You have but never eat?
      I never could
      Deny myself a sweet,
      So I sliced my life
      And licked my knife
      And ate the cake I had.

      [Edie] (spoken)
      Can't be done, I'm telling you...

      [Edith]
      Two perfect sons
      I thoroughly enjoyed
      An absent spouse
      And cats to fill the void,
      And the tri-state's best
      Accompanist
      Oh yes, I ate the cake I had.
      Moist. Light.
      Gaily decorated.
      Every tasty morsel,
      Savored, chewed and masticated.
      Young. Bright.
      Rich and thin and clever.
      Like a second helping?
      Sister, would I ever!

      [Edie] (spoken)
      I'll probably be an old maid until I die. I'll sit around with cats the rest of my life.

      [Edith] (spoken)
      When are you gonna learn, Edie?
      You're in this world, you know! You're not out of the world!

      (sung)
      The days are gone
      When money grew on trees.
      The money tree
      Came down with elm disease.
      But at my age, ducks,
      For my two bucks
      I'll eat the cake I have
      And like it.
      I'll eat the cake I have.

      [Edie] (spoken)
      I think the saddest thing was my not marrying.
      During the war, my best friend, she was a nurse with the Red Cross... she met
      somebody overseas in a hospital. A Marine.
      Lost both of his legs at Iwo Jima.
      Romance was inevitable, really, given the situation. But I couldn't travel.
      Mother wasn't well during the war, you see.

      [Edith] (spoken)
      Gerald Gettys worshipped you - and those two nice Rockefeller fellas-

      [Edie] (spoken)
      They were horrible! Horrible!

      [Edith] (spoken)
      You just didn't want to get married. Now it's all blamed on me.

      [Edie] (spoken)
      I missed out on everything.

      [Edith]
      Gripe. Groan.
      Point the famous finger.
      Life is disappointing,
      Put the parent through the wringer.
      Sulk. Moan.
      Blame it on the mother.
      When I'm dead and buried
      You won't get another.

      [Edie] (spoken)
      I met a Count, in Greenwich Village.
      He was a poet and a playwright, and he said,
      "Edith, I want to make an honest woman out of you."
      I thought that was very decent.

      [Edith] (spoken)
      He didn't have a nickel in his trousers! Not a nickel!

      [Edie] (spoken)
      Mother despised him. Gave him the pink slip.
      To think, I coulda been a Countess - Countess Edith!

      [Edith]
      Enough with all
      Your celebrated loves.
      You had two hands.
      You could have modeled gloves.
      Is it my fault that
      Your cake fell flat?
      That you're unmarried,
      Bald and fat?
      As the world waltzed by
      And Edie sat...
      I ate the cake I had
      And loved it.
      Oh, I ate the cake I had,
      No thanks to daddy.
      I ate the cake... I had.

      [Edie] (spoken)
      Sometimes I think I have the saddest life...


      I had a very, very happy, satisfying life.

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    4. ^^^^^

      Get a grip, girls.

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    5. Hey, that's from "Grey Gardens". How funny.

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  3. I could be totally wrong, but you seem a bit condenscending and a touch angry or defensive. This is not my idea of "healthy."

    You also seem to equate health with some stereotype that is pumped out by Oprah, or some other popular self-help icon. I agree with you in this regard - this is only band-aid, superficial health. But to take the same staunch attitude on the complete opposite side of the spectrum is silly, too.

    Adventure seeking is one thing, and I personally don't see that as being any better or worse than someone who is security seeking (as you labeled it). I define health as in, are you happy with yourself. Are you secure in who you are? Have you made peace with you?

    Or do you seek out destructive relationships that compromise who you are? Do you seek distraction, whether in the guise of alcohol, food, sex...or another person? Perhaps a sociopath?

    I never endorsed the idea that a woman is incomplete without a man or that something is wrong with her for not buying into a fairy tale love story. In fact, I think the most important love relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.

    The second most important, is the one you will have with your children.

    I just question your insatiable desire to be stimulated and used (though in an exciting fashion) by another. Clearly, I would guess that you are uncomfortable with the most basic of human needs and desires. To be loved. Children who are rejected and/or abused still need love, but acquire "learned helplessness" in a dysfunctional effort to get their basic needs met.

    Essentially they learn to become victims. In order to rationalize their behavior, they often tell themselves as an adult that they *choose* this for themselves.

    Your edginess "deal with it" attitude also suggests to me that you might be a survivor. I just wonder if there might be something softer and less fearless deeper within.

    I know who you are. I've seen you in my own reflection (in my younger days perhaps).

    Good luck to you. I wish you the best.

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  4. Well i am touched by your sweetness and diplomatic tone, but it is condescending to insist that if someone makes different choices than the norm, that they must somehow be a victim of abuse. I am not a believer in long term monogamy. I don't think it is natural or healthy, that is just my opinion. I get love from my friends and do not need it from a man. I think it is ok to have men as playthings. That is why I am attracted to sociopathic types of men, because I do have a conscience and would not want to "use" a kinder person in this manner. And my desire is hardly "insatiable"! How can you say that? You do not know the frequency of my encounters. I do not plan on having children, so this frees me from having to take whether or not someone is fundamentally decent or good parenting material into consideration. You seem like a more traditional person, and that is fine, but I lead a more urban, bohemian lifestyle. I realize i am a small minority. I know my lifestyle choices irk a lot of people, they seem to be very controversial. I feel I'm in good company though, as many artistic women through the ages have had unconventional arrangements. While I don't think Madonna is a proper role model for everyone, I find strength in her unconvential romantic choices. (eschewing lifelong monogamy, in other words). I know my choice to live this way will always rub people the wrong way; maybe that's part of the fun! To each her own. I give and get a lot of love from the world and am a kind and decent person. The bedroom is a different story, however. It is also about what is available to a person. I do not denigrate relationships that are available to me, as you said. I would not date someone I am not attracted to as it would be unfair to that person and we would both be miserable. I am in my 30s and am not some hapless thing. Think of it this way- when I am tying up the energy of a sociopathic man, I am keeping him busy and thus keeping him away from potential innocent victims. So I'm doing the world a favor, in a sense...

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    1. I agree, although I do not enjoy the company of sociopaths, I seem to like men with a personality disorder.

      I am not interested in marriage or living with a man, I have done that and it is boring and too much work.

      And I don't want to hurt anyone, so boy toys it is!

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  5. I am also prone toward being attracted to sociopaths. I'm currently dating a 'nice guy' and I find I'm not attracted to him at all. You could be healthy. You could be not. It's your business. I'm honestly more interested in having fun than having security, and it's interesting to see the misconceptions men build around me. It's also fun to play different roles while the think they've got you figured out. But I consider sociopaths the game- the real challenge is trying to retire. I personally don't feel that retiring is necessary for all people. Maybe you don't need to. But I am far from being in a position to be giving anyone advise- you're probably twice my age. Have you noticed how sure everyone who has posted seems of themselves? You, the commenters? You're all condescending. By choosing to post and yield an opinion, I have become condescending. Judging is fun, isn't it?

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    1. Can't anyone, yourself included see that YOU are a sociopath...

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  6. Well….

    You would think sociopaths would have a distinct advantage of being able to reproduce due to fearlessness and lack of anxiety. If this were true, then sociopaths would have the evolutionary advantage—they don’t. Humans with empathy would be in the minority, and empaths probably wouldn’t exist. Sociopaths and empaths are the outliers at this time.

    I’m fascinated by sociopaths not because of their qualities, no; I’m interested in sociopaths because they are odd creatures to me. I would like to call them pseudo humans, or some other type of subspecies. Imagine a person what couldn’t empathize, and is forced to mimic human abilities? I find it unbelievably fascinating. I personally think that the coming future people will be more aware of them. They won’t be able to hide forever. I think the era is shifting a bit that we aren’t just saying that serial killers are bad, so lock them up, it won’t happen again. When society opens its eyes to finally understand that the pseudo humans are among up. Beware. Check your neighbors; check your priests, your politicians. Damn it! We need more brain scanners!!!


    And yes, people have a tendency to act on a lot of unhealthy actions. People love to tolerate a lot of bullshit, flattery, and what not. I sometimes view certain individuals to be very weak minded, and will eventually be subjugated to manipulation of any sort. Some people like to inflict pain unto themselves and others. When people are vulnerable, opportunist will always be there, whether they are sociopaths or not. They are, however; people that truly enjoy life. They see the world in a completely different light.

    People love to get a reaction out of situations that make other people feel uncomfortable especially at their expense. Just take a look at jackass the TV show—which I find utterly appalling. This does not mean they are sociopaths.

    Hahaha. Later.

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  7. Well, this thread is interesting.

    I date a sociopathic man. He told me he was a sociopth type after 3 months together. I almost left him. I asked him a series of questions when he told me. He explained that he wouldn't be able to fall in love with me - get married and have children. I asked him why bother having a girlfriend? His answer was that he needed to appear normal to his peers. My next question was why me? He told me he thought I was cool, easy to be with and he felt good while I was with him. Perhaps he only told me that because he thought that is what I wanted to hear. But I think even a person with this type of condition is able to be nice when there is something or someone that makes them feel good. Isn't that what we all feel comfortable with.

    Personally, because of his admission, I am always careful, he is highly manipulative and domineering. I don't mind. I am usually the domineering one in relationships, so this is a refreshing change. I am with him for companionship, and sex. But that is a relationship even if you're normal. I see no signs of him destroying me.

    He can be mean sometimes and he sets up mental "field mines" for me to trip, so far I have side stepped them all. I guess that is why I have lasted.

    I understand that he is indifferent. I understand why. I don't care as long as the trade off is still good for me.

    C.

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  8. I have dated a number of people that have sociopathic tendencies or are perhaps sociopaths. Having been in relationships with "normal" men with "normal" amounts of empathy, and also having been with sociopathic types, I have come to the conclusion that for me, dating sociopaths is less painful. Once you realize who or what they are, they can often be lots of fun. I even enjoy their attempts at sadism sometimes. I just take whatever hurtful things these men do less personally then when a "normal" guy is hurtful. I suppose it goes back to the Kahlil Gibran saying "when choosing between two evils, choose the more overt one". With these types of men, you know what to expect. I've never really had my heart broken by one, but with normal guys, there are all sorts of expectations that they will behave better. They catch you off guard with their bullshit. At this point in my life, I almost can't stomach a so called "normal" guy. They'll hurt you, but in a much more devastating, unexpected way. With the sociopaths, it's much less personal. And I do think they are more childlike and thus easier to forgive. It's almost like, as bad as they can be, they are somewhat clueless and therefore somewhat innocent.

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  9. What a classic conversation - I too dated a socio for 4 years (7 years ago - what a SLOW recovery!!!) - nearly destroyed me and I am DEFINITELY changed - I am harder, less emotional, more suspescious, less trusting, less empathic (having been someone who wore their heart on their sleeve) - I almost feel like I 'caught' something from him - being ridiculously naive, the mistake I made was apparently was to try to understand something that was mostly not understandable - I say that my curiosity was my Achiles heel and part of my downfall - while in serious pain, I figured that I would 'try out' and see how it would feel to behave the same way (with no conviction in my heart and going against everything I felt) - I wanted to try and understand what it would feel like to flirt mercilessly in front of him with other men, care less about who I spent time with (men in pools alone) that sort of thing - I damned near killed me!! and I had to stop - it doubled the pain trying to understand - I had to give it and him up in the end - I was TOTALLY out of my depth - but I must say - I did learn a lot - it was Dog-eat-Dog, people looked and sounded different, I attracted socio's looking for an easy hit with 'one of their own' - I played the game for a month and it almost killed me - I have some compassion on that basis for those who display tendencies, or have been so damaged in childhood that they carry on with that behaviour - having compassion for the socio though it is a harder task - I still find it confusing and can get sucked in - the 'game' runs so parallel with authenticity - those who are really good at it and have not yet come to understand that their 'feelings' are not authentic are so plausable until they cheat, hit, embarrass etc - and I still have a tendency to minimise it - I find it SOOOOO hard to understand/believe that a human being can not have a full range of emotions, particularly when it all 'sounds' right etc - clearly I still have a lot of recovery to go through - I am currently trying to extricate myself from a socio, or perhaps a Borderline - I'm not sure - he is SO damned funny, quick, and aplogises like it's an art form (something socio's apparently don't do - the last one didn't but this one is a cracker at it - I have NEVER heard such eloquence - only for the behaviour to escalate hours later into violence)...classic professions of you're the only one I've ever trusted with my history, the dodgy 'can you lend me $50 and then pays for drinks, later declaring that he doesn't owe anything because he bought drinks (totalling $55), the 'fly up here, I will pay' ($200), then doesn't wire the money, the flirtatious innuendo's in text messages when I have two black eyes, incessant distinctions between love and sex (to prove he's in for the long-haul dispite cheating on everyone he's ever been with - AND - openly admitting it!!! - CRAZY SH#T but somehow I have to agree with both sides of the conversation - there is something really amazing about these people; despite being tortured, their 'shallow affect' allows them to feel and let go very quickly, which as a feeling observer looks and feel like freedom - yet Star Wars did not come from a void - the dark side IS EVIL to be sure - and knowing how to handle it takes being human to a new level - it can be a growth experience but I think one that most people could do without - having been damaged by it, learnt from it, I can see a mild upside, I am a lot wiser than I was and wiser than most, because I HAD to learn and it did flush out some personality issues that I had that I may not have dealt with otherwise - sometimes I think I am a nicer person because of it despite my vulnerability and at other times I think I have been really damaged beyond repair - jury is out - I'll have to wait and see, knowing too that age ha a way of making life a little less complex : )

    Female38

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  10. From a brief glance at the comments i have a feeling most people don't feel the way this girl does. (Or at least, it should be assumed)

    I however, totally agree with this woman, I think i fell in love with a sociopath, and Its because of his sociopathic tendencies. I look at monogamy and long lasting relationships and just kinda think, "eh not for me." My favorite characters you have also mentioned are most likely sociopaths, (batman, house) They're just super intriguing.

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  11. Are you kidding me? I loved my sociopath madly. It was such a rush to be loved like that.

    I beat myself up a lot over the way I felt about this man. I'm now in a healthy relationship but yeah, it's boring as hell.

    Only now am I able to say, yeah he's the person I was most attracted to in my life, maybe the love of my life.
    I wish I'd realize it sooner. I would've stayed single like this girl for sure and not fallen for the lie that every woman is most satisfied in a long-term monogamous situation.

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  12. I have the qualities of an empath.. Maybe we are so attracted to sociopaths because they have such strong base desires creating turbulent emotions that remind us of everyday life, but instead of absorbing all of the feelings of those around us who we can't help, we can focus all of those feelings back onto one person who requires so much, but can basically be satisfied.

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  13. Its the drama. Many empaths are attracted to qualities they want in themselves. I mean this literally when I say, go better yourselves. Go make yourself more interesting to be around. I'm not condescending, just sharing some important advice. The reason Empaths evolutionarily outweigh Sociopaths is not because we can't get our genes to pass on, its because we destroy our partners.

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    1. LOL Good points Grey

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    2. Bullshit! Don't agree with one word.

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    3. Hers's the thing, Grey. You do not have to destroy people. You have control. Give someone their walking papers in a graceful way. Chose someone who will take them gracefully. This ruining people sociopaths boast of is complete nonsense and really over-the-top giving yourselves much more credit. If a person is self aware, they see flags but choose to ignore them.

      Pick smart, self aware people and give them a bit of credit instead of focusing on how big and powerful you are that you ruin people. Cause that attitude is base.

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    4. Oooooooohh my. Well. First things first.
      Monica- thank you dear. Your comments are lovely and I always make a point to read them.

      Now.. Anon 7:54. You are so welcome to disagree with the self serving advice. It seems as if you heard what you felt, instead of what was said. I was afraid this would happen. I meant it when I said no condescension. I'm not going to waste both of our times by explaining why I know what I know. You might find that taking a less defensive stance may be enlightening? Just a thought.

      And Anon 10:11. I think you may be attacking someone you don't understand.. Have you read any of my posts on this site?? Please, feel free to research. Where did I boast about ruining anyone? Or claim to be powerful? Do you think its impossible for me to be speaking about this from a victims perspective? Again, I'm sure you could care less about my own story. So I'll spare you. I don't disagree with your insight, but I'm grasping at how you came to the assumption that 'Go better your lives' means 'I am better than you', if you'll indulge my paraphrasing. Yes, I am a sociopath. But a fairly neutral one. Lots of sociopaths are destructive to their partners, and that kind of damage impacts how things evolve. I choose not to have partners for this reason. I'm attempting to be "host-free," if you will. I suppose its a trauma-based hesitation. Because I genuinely do lack empathy. But also because on some level, parasitism is pathetic. I think I'm too selfish to engage in behavior that only lends me power.

      I love how well-meant advice turned into an attack!? This site is endlessly amusing.

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    5. Grey. When I (anon 10:11) use the word "you," many times *I* mean a collective "you people." As abhorrent as that may sound, I often refer to my own kind as "you people". Sometimes I get ranty and forget to break up my posts. Some sections should read "for those of you who that think blabitty blah.." I've had this confusion with Bizy Lizy before, BTW. Please forgive me and allow me to kiss them hem of your garment. I do hope no more knickers get knotted in future. And thank you for pointing out my grating habit.

      I don't know you, as you say you'e a fairly new poster.

      *cough*

      I've heard some people here talk about the joy of ruining. And to them, I also say, "go better yourselves".


      I have not attacked you, though I am very pleased to see you have taken my accidental bait and explained yourself. I, myself, lecture here to a select few I think can benefit from my wisdom acquired from experience, and so on and so forth.

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    6. AND before someone goes on to say I am a narcy mc narcadoo, let me add: "Go better yourselves" in this case means get another hobby (besides ruining others) you don't share with those of your own kind. They'll broaden your horizons and give you even more access to the empathic world. It will do wonders for your self esteem, too. I speak from experience.

      And this concludes my lecture for the day lol.

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    7. Lol.. I see where we got off on the wrong foot. Who has time for fine print! I apply "go better yourself" to the malignant sort as well. And, to myself, because why not. Really, who wouldn't benefit?

      You strike me as having a fair amount of life experience, or at least a deep comprehension of your collected experiences. I do think wisdom is applicable here. May I ask what interests you about this site? Surely we all share a common fascination. I sense that you are more growth oriented, and find peace in assisting others with their own enlightenment.

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    8. Thank you, Grey.

      Delete
    9. Grey, I suffer from a lack of self. It's crazy fluid. I've spent my life with apathy. Maybe that's because I get bored, or maybe I just haven't thought I was worth it. Don't know, don't care, something's amiss. I don't want to see these weird things as faults. These things people here discuss on a regular basis. My relationships have been shit. Part of the reason is that I've chosen jack-offs.

      *cough* But I digress.

      I have a mean temper I've controlled my whole life. I've been accused of blowing hot and cold, switching erratically from loving to hating. I can't stand to be around the same person for too many hours in a row. Some fanatics on the net like that Thomas Sheridan, would refer to me as a "puzzling person". I've been accused of it.

      For better or for worse, I believe this place has helped me come to terms with a few things about myself. I have been wondering what. the. fuck. is wrong with me my entire life that I can't get my shit together. I've never felt normal. I have been an outsider looking in on the typical lives of my normal friends. They tell me I think too much and I'm always "in people's heads". That trait has served me well, but other times it is a hindrance.

      By and large I am a grown up child. I may not sound like one right now, but I am. And
      People gravitate to me with all my youthful charm. Superficial or not, I'm fucking charming. Guess where that's gotten me? ... nofuckingwhere. Sure it has gotten me in doors, but so? I can't seem to find the benefit in all these "sociopathic" traits I did not know I had. I also have a fascination with the macabre. I'm a pessimistic. And I'm right a lot. Humanity sickens me. I think I've said enough. I've ranted on and on. But the bottom line is that I'd like to use my traits to my advantage, not just stare at them.

      This place is packed with people bragging about some of these very traits. I seek the knowledge of those here who have handled themselves and harnessed them to their advantage, not to their detriment.

      Oh, you're out there. I want to handle myself with more love and acceptance of myself. Whether you be "empathic" or not, some of you turds are smart. I intend to not be victim of my own baggage. I don't like sites with victims. I'm told people with pds have a hard time changing. I can be chock full of pd. No therapist has been able to help me get over my humps. If some "goddamned sociopath" can learn to be less impulsive, fuckit I can too. And I will pick your brains (empaths and socios alike) like a honey badger if I have to in order to embrace these wacko qualities *I* have CULTIVATED unbeknownst to me throughout my meaningless life.

      Because I'm worth it.

      You ask why I care to help some of you? It makes me feel good, pure and simple. And I don't feel good most of the time. I have no children to help. Maybe I'm a giver? Not normally, not anymore anyway, and certainly not without an agenda. Idk really, because I change my opinion of myself like I change my underwear. Anyway who gives a fuck? I have stopped asking why others (sociopaths and empaths alike) do the things they do. Why should I treat myself any differently?

      I'm learning here how to have empathy for myself. I have ADD and I've hated that too, my need for constant stimulation like a fucking 7 year old. And that's another trait some of you have.

      And now I'm bored with myself.

      But wait, there will be more lol.

      Delete
    10. Lol. Oh, so relateable. And I like your tenacity. You're and aggressive learner. I don't know what to do with my acquired "skill set" either. I think it would be interesting to help people from a sociopathic advantage. I can't decipher if my interest in helping others is completely pure or not. Sometimes I think it genuinely is. I do a lot of harmless things with great suspicion of my self, as I can be self deceiving. I guess I am bored of the "game" if you will. Its self defeating. I think I've gravitated to lighter things because its given me a new set of challenges. And it IS frustrating to have these skills and not get where you need to go. (I'm speaking of a non destructive direction) Sometimes I get really mad at the world when its easier to be criminal than get a promotion at work.. lol But I'm trying to be patient.

      Delete
    11. Ah. I understand you. Good to know you, Grey. I hope to bump into you again.

      Do you plan on hanging out in this cesspool much longer?

      Delete
    12. Thank you. Hard to say! When I get bored I'll leave.

      Delete
  14. "Every girl want a bad boy who is good just for her. Every boy wants a good girl who is bad just for him"
    Get over yourselves, stop thinking so much as to who you are attracted to and why and just enjoy the ride. You want to date socios and make yourselves their willing victims, go ahead. Stop justifying your choices. It really is fun to fuck those gorgeous bad boys that have a way of making you feel oh so special.
    I agree with Grey, better yourselves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ^To better yourself means to walk away, oh wait, I
      mean run.

      Delete
  15. I think that BizyLizy is right in a lot of her assertions, but I wonder where that leaves a woman like me. My father was a sociopath, and all I felt nothing but anger and indignation at his abuse. At the age of ten, I realised that "he likes to hurt people," and that I could never reveal any sense of emotion to him. At the age of twelve, I realised that that'd no longer be enough; that I'd actually have to become him in order to protect myself from him. So I did. Luckily for me, there wasn't anyone with the knowledge or intelligence to recognize the shockingly obvious symptoms of a Conduct Disorder in a teenage girl, and I left when I was eighteen before anyone could slap the "sociopath" label on me. To this day,I have no idea whether I had a Conduct Disorder for genetic reasons or whether I adopted the traits purely as a protective measure. I do remember telling myself that I was in control of my behaviour and that I'd only consider my behaviour beyond my control if I started lighting fires. Which I did.

    As an adult, the symptoms appear to have matured out, though I have immense difficulty in identifying my own emotions (I'm almost as good as my father was at detecting emotional changes in other people, though). In all honesty, I wouldn't mind have inheriting (or learning) a few more of his personality traits. His charisma, for one - he was so ludicrously charismatic that despite his lengthy criminal record, he never had any trouble convincing people to hire him or to allow him to rent one of their properties. Ironically, although I was an absolutely excellent liar as a teenager, I couldn't lie to save my own life now. There was some aspects of my father's existence, however, that I wouldn't wish on anyone. His impulsiveness meant that he was never able to maintain a job or manage his own finances, and by the time I was eighteen, he'd lost his mind to alcohol.

    With that being said, I do not believe that the notion that some people are attracted to sociopaths is incorrect. I saw my father manipulate and con the same people dozens of times. Sometimes I found myself hating his victims; hating them for exposing their weaknesses to a predator, hating them for allowing him to manipulate them again and again, hating them for forgiving him...

    Anyway, the outcome of this crazy journey is that I'm applying for medical school next year, after my early adult life took the exact same direction as my father's did (I suppose I was just intelligent or lucky enough to reel it in). My sister, however, has BPD, which, I am told, is far more common in the female daughters of male sociopaths than CD and ASPD.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Why am I attracted to sociopaths?
    It is hard to describe a visceral reaction or a visceral longing, which would be more like it. To put it into words, I would say that I split off a part of myself. That part had all the things I thought were unacceptable. The sociopath could see that and so I could be free with him.Moreover, he did not judge.

    However, I have a business which is becoming more and more successful. As it does, I am forced to step out of the manicured self as she is not fit to deal with the situations presented to me. The unacceptable self has to come out. Then, I find that she was just a slice of human nature.

    This is an ongoing process accompanied by a lot of pain but it is happening. For that, I have to thank ME who gave me a place to talk about these things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DARK TRIAD GUYS GET LAID

      CHICKS LOVE THE DARK TRIAD (Narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism):

      http://www.google.com/search?q=site%3Aheartiste.wordpress.com+%22dark+triad%22

      Delete
    2. "Then, I find that she was just a slice of human nature."

      Sounds like bullshit.

      Delete
  17. She says I should be grateful she doesn't want to marry me, and like any REAL man I should be thankful her panties aren't spread out all over my bathroom. I don't want to be your fucking wife, she says. I'm an ungrateful idiot, she says.

    Next thing out of her mouth is has she told me how good she feels around me.

    Advice?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Replies
    1. TCO, I am not "A regular guy" I am a lovely lady. Thank you for the offer, though. I will keep that info on file.

      Delete
    2. It's good to know what you want and go after it. The author is carefree obviously. BizyLizy you are not carefree at all you sound like a worry wort. I can see why your perspectives clash.

      If you know what you are getting into in a relationship good things can come from it. Even with sociopaths. The reality is you will get someone who is ruthless, impulsive, manipulative, domineering, and most likely breaks the law. However you are also getting someone who is ambitous, adventerous, charming, and a lot of fun.

      The problem arises with these people who seek out people like this thinking they can change them into Mr/Mrs Nice. The reality unfolds and they end up being the one changed. Forever.

      Delete
    3. That was fake Monica. I think a certain someone bristle at my getting a compliment. Three guesses. The first two don't count he he

      Delete
    4. lol

      sometimes i think the two of you may be the same person

      Delete
    5. ^@Zoe

      I agree with you - same person

      Delete
    6. ^@Zoe

      Sick, huh?

      Delete
  19. Oh my god. All you new people with the sociopaths stories and the walls of text. Please divide up your posts so that they are easier to read. Use paragraphs. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I didn't want my comment there so Im moving it here.


    It's good to know what you want and go after it. The author is carefree obviously. BizyLizy you are not carefree at all you sound like a worry wort. I can see why your perspectives clash.

    If you know what you are getting into in a relationship good things can come from it. Even with sociopaths. The reality is you will get someone who is ruthless, impulsive, manipulative, domineering, and most likely breaks the law. However you are also getting someone who is ambitous, adventerous, charming, and a lot of fun.

    The problem arises with these people who seek out people like this thinking they can change them into Mr/Mrs Nice. The reality unfolds and they end up being the one changed. Forever

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was dramatic at the end there.

      Delete
  21. Hello SW. Interesting place, I will be around here from time to time.

    ReplyDelete
  22. ME's picture is so disappointing although he has great hair

    ReplyDelete
  23. "Good use of the phrase "tsk-tsk."

    That there looks like one of those sociopathic type compliments.

    ReplyDelete
  24. i believe this song was once featured (and mocked) by ME on this blog as a song of the week... just would like to dedicate it to everyone here :)

    if you leave me now

    ReplyDelete
  25. I have always wondered what it is like to fuck a sociopath. I'm guessing anyone who actually wants a relationship with a sociopath is a masochist, not always foolish.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It feels like they are trying to secretly devourer you and you mistake it for passion ...at first.

      Delete
    2. What do you think it is after "at first" ?

      Delete
    3. *Willing* possession!
      ...Then after enough time you feel as though you will get majorly screwed over and then you get someone to buy an iPod (or do so yourself [but I already had one and my little borderline socio. knew it]) and offer to set it up, but use it to record conversations (because it is GREAT quality)
      Mhmm... Destroy their carefully maintained persona; destroy them worse than they can destroy you. I didn't even show my favorite person involved yet and I don't know if I can hit that point of malice.

      Delete
    4. I love the charade of making a man feel they have possessed me. You shouldn't emasculate a man till you're done fucking them for good.

      Delete
  26. Interesting post...personally seem to have evolved into being always gravitated towards by nurses...and figured it out...apart from those rarest of anomalies labelled angels of death, nurses are born with "extra-large" consciences...which seem to seek to fill that something missing in those cursed with holes in theirs...make sense to anyone?? Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As a nurse I can tell you it makes total sense.

      Delete
  27. the author of that long post detailing their sexual life....you know what I think? I think you just can't find an attractive nice guy to want to be with you. you are probably average looking but ache, moan and desire to look like beyonce, so you let very attractive sociopathic men demean, abuse and use you. because at least for one night you can pretend you really are that attractive, have super-model looks and that is why these guys call you, not because they need a quickie, somewhere to release a load, of course not right. if realistic human flesh-feeling robot blow up dolls are developed, they wouldn't call you anymore...

    ReplyDelete
  28. I'm with you.... 05:51am. Thats exactly it. I did the game and knew it from the get-go but found it fascinating and intiguing watching him work his guise. Very bright. Never, for a second thought I would get caught..always knew I could walk away cause I knew it was all way toooo over the top. He knew I knew eventually and actually wanted me more because he got bored so quickly in relationships...he said.....and...would not stop the pursuit ............. has now. I beleive because he knows he can go no farther and or get nothing else from me......$$$, making him look good,really he just knew I wasn't going to give it to him! He wants someone elses money and of course, sex. And thats it. Honestly, though I do miss the periodic companionship even though I knew it was meaningless to him. There was a this lost, profound longing in him. For what. I am not sure. I am human. But it is over!!!!!! and yes, actually, i am very attractive.......but also knew it was about the other, as you stated!! Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I was also in a pseudo friendship with this one sociopath. I always saw him through right at the beginning but was so attracted to his pseudo charm. I would still be his friends as true as a friendship between empaths. The only thing was that He backed out when he sensed that I knew his true self I don't know if we would still meet and hang out again but I really miss hanging out with him. Do sociopath really fear someone know who they are?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Honey where I come from this is Kinky and you're what we call in The BDSM lifestyle a masochist for a Dominant, enjoy ;) They're hard to find.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Plz. You can do whatever you like. If you like sex without "strings," go for it. Just don't be high and mighty about it. He will hit anyone available at the moment as long as she doesn't try to control or blame him. He has no empathy; he has no shame. Doesn't matter what the mate looks like. If she looks good, may make him more giddy. If she pays the bills, then it is even better. He refuses to be "safe," so you may be in for more than fleeting excitement.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I would be great with this type of arrangement except for one thing..protection. One thing I need is to feel protected and unfortunately socio's don't know how to do this because it's not something you can mimick. I dont mean someone physicaly attaxking me and him protecting me. I mean him sticking up for me when someone is underhandedly insulting my charachter. 1. They are usually oblivious to this even happening. 2. If you point it out they say "who cares what people say" becauae they cant feel that you are hurt by the words. 3. The funny thing is that they hate people they perceive are "talking shit" even when its not true lmao!

    ReplyDelete
  33. What did you mean by emasculating the man partner?

    ReplyDelete
  34. People often confuse the idea of psychosis with psychopathy or sociopathy, or think that all psychopaths are psychotic. These disorders are actually very different, and rarely overlap. Someone who is psychotic tends to lose touch with reality, usually to the point of having hallucinations or delusions. Psychopaths and sociopaths are usually very grounded in reality — they understand what they're doing and the consequences of their actions, but they don't care. A psychopath or a sociopath might kill someone's dog because he or she wans to cause emotional trauma to the owner; someone who is psychotic might kill the dog because he or she thought it was robot sent to take over the world.

    Some of these supposed sociopaths might actually be psychotic, such as bipolar , especially the one who blows hot & cold

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://m.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-difference-between-a-psychopath-and-a-sociopath.htm

      Delete
  35. I have recurrent bipolar manic episodes (April to Sept summer long)... being in "love" with a sociopath for me when I am in that state is love only because he/she is stupid enough to think I buy their crap or that they are buying my act of not buying theirs and it makes me happy that at least in the end, I can give them that cold shrug and say I was just manic dude/babe.... Plus, the sex is always badass as is manic sex so it is great there... Give him money to spend and then hit on his or hers other boyfriends/girlfriends... I love the games and sex and fact that I ruin most of their other sugarmama/daddy set ups but it's all in good fun. People that aren't sociopathic expect you to apologize every 5 minutes for trivial manic shit and most of the time, they either ask for it and enable it or provoke it and deserve it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're just a plain asshole.

      Delete

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