Monday, September 5, 2011

A time and a purpose

Some people really get on my nerves. I had a needy sister growing up and I was never able to relate to her. I have a little relative who is also very whiny in that way, impulsive in irritating ways, selfish, an act first think later boy, which forces everyone around him to constantly clean up his messes. Just the other day, though, I was "watching" him and his two brothers while they were around a pool. I was busy with other things until they started yelling that their toddler brother was "drowning." I yelled at them to grab him. The oldest brother, mild-mannered, good-natured, did nothing. The impulsive whiny kid immediately reached out and pulled his younger brother up out of the water, even though he is not a strong swimmer himself. I thought -- even though I don't like this kid, he at least is good for some things and some situations.

Interestingly, I think that when I was growing up some of my siblings thought I was more trouble than I was worth. I got into fights all the time. I was impulsive and reckless and people were constantly having to clean up after me. I was selfish, always did what I wanted when I wanted. I bullied my siblings in a lot of ways. I would make them pay me money to play the games that they wanted to play, and then I would beat them at those games. I was told on several occasions that I was "evil" and that they hated me. I was also the person that people turned to when they needed special help taking care of a problem. My tactics weren't always things that people felt comfortable adopting, but you couldn't deny their effectiveness. I wasn't a general, all purpose tool, but for certain situations nothing and no one could do the job like I could. It only took a few clutch bailouts in late teens to early adulthood for my siblings to really appreciate how useful I could be, what a resource I would be to them throughout our lives.

In my healthiest relationships, people know what to expect from me -- outside the box thinking, efficient problem solving, ruthlessness, an eye for exploitation, impressive loyalty, which are all very useful tools in certain situations. They also know what not to expect from me -- empathy, commiseration, a deep emotional connection, hand holding, mercy, unconditional love. But not everybody needs everyone in their life to be those things, right?

230 comments:

  1. You said you didnt get into fights when you were young and were pretty mild mannered and colm and did your best to fit in with everyone else by being cool. why you changing your story now?

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  2. I was not cool until I had a best friend who brought me out of my shell and until my talent was discovered. I never tried to be cool. I was bullied and then it stopped when I got my friend and her Mom as a mother figure. I felt I fit in better after that.

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  3. I was very smart and I raised my hand too much in class in grade school. I didn't know you weren't supposed to. No one else knew the fucking answers. Then I looked around and they were making fun of me. I got very self conscious and was bullied for being self conscious and not having expensive clothes. I was miserable.

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  4. ME? Anyway, on your last question for this post, why not fake those? Do you really have to be 'real' with those close to you?

    I've only tried it a few times, and it doesn't work out too well because it changes the dynamic, and I liked the dynamic, dammit.

    I just don't buy it, at all. Some 40 something year old waltzing around telling friend and family alike that you're a sociopath. Just sounds like a crock of shit, especially in the UK where they lock sociopaths away for life.

    It's just completely foolish.

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  5. and I was left alone a lot.

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  6. who are you talking to, tnp?

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  7. I must be real with those close to me.

    Why TNP? Are you considering telling people you are a sociopath?

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  8. I was addressing ME. Was this not from ME? It wasn't labeled guest or reader.

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  9. I always try to be as 'real' as I can get away with around people.

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  10. I try too. But I change. I blow hot and cold with people but I can't ever say this.

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  11. I am super real when I am in the moment with someone, though.

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  12. I am afraid of people.

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  13. Wheat, that's a cheap answer. You're speaking about thresholds, not actual authenticity.

    The value and emphasis about being 'real' and 'honest' in the modern sense is completely hypocritical. You're allowed to be 'real', but only when it's civil? Please.

    The fact is, people don't want you to be real. They want you to be what they want to see in you, and that's why sociopaths are so good at what we do. We know what they want to see, and become those roles.

    Of course we push the envelope on occasion, but in general, we do what we need to do to get what we want. Deception may be unnecessary but it expedites point A to point B, so why not?

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  14. I agree that this whole "coming out" thing doesn't make sense. If you've controlled yourself and played nice around people then they're just going to think that you're nuts when you tell them. If you've treated them like shit then they're not even going to care about you being a sociopath. You're already just a bastard to them so what difference does it make. It's pointless anyways. I don't confide in anyone because I don't need to. Lies and masks are just part of how I interact with people so why would I need a break? When I am "real" it's more about not giving a shit what certain people think of me and just doing whatever I like. Sometimes it really doesn't matter how you act and it's not hard to get people to excuse my behaviour when they're disturbed by it. I only care what certain people think of me because controlling that takes me further.

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  15. Usually when I start getting closer to the real me, it's more to see how they react. Not strictly to fuck with them, but genuine curiosity. Sometimes it is to fuck with them, and that's usually highly enjoyable, but I'm still curious.

    I will say or do things things that most people would consider out there, fucked up, or just plain vile, and I eat the shock up like candy. That confused expression of, "Did he just...? No way..."

    God, I love that.

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  16. If I feel like a fake, and I know I am pretty real, than how do I know everyone around me isn't a huge fake, huh?

    I don't think most people are real.

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  17. It is fun to be real, then.

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  18. 243

    do I do that? because I feel like I might, but I don't want to admit it.

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  19. This isn't the real TNP.

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  20. tnp is a boring faggot

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  21. Sociopaths are interesting people sure they only hang around you when they want something or just to break the loneliness for a while i know at least 2 sociopaths that im aware of i think one of them is actually a narcissist but he thinks he's a sociopath whatever it may seem fucked up but i enjoy interacting with sociopaths they dont do stupid things for no reason like other people do or at least they know why they do the things they do

    they think i dont notice the things they do when they try to manipulate me i am somewhat manipulative myself i know the tricks so that makes you vulnerable its a weakness to think so highly of yourself and i just point it out to them
    the real goal was trying to make him understand that people just dont choose their personality or are able to change it at will theres no need to hate them for that some people are just not self-aware its ok to show them what they are thou in whatever way the bigger the fall the harder it hits their brain

    we play games on each other i dont think he's aware of my little games i am aware of at least 2 of his playgrounds lol
    i can relate to them i could do the exact things they do except i would get out hurt or something i guess

    rate my English lol

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  22. what is the difference whether or not this is tnp. I spoke to someone else last night who wasn't tnp. Or I idk, maybe it was. I'm not sure what the point is. But you seem to be making one. Are you saying I like to talk to sociopaths bec they are fun?

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  23. I had a good time.

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  25. Does Donna on Love Fraud know about Sociopath World?

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  26. just more of the same on here...shut the fuck up erin..you live your life on this blog...how exactly do you know shit? you show zero insight when it comes to your own issues and make wild assumptions about others...i'm so sick of reading your drivel.fuck off you childish cunt.why anyone here is entertaining your stupidity is beyond me.

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  27. Interivews With AlistairSeptember 5, 2011 at 7:56 AM

    Al: Today we have a special treat for you.I am on the road.
    I have made a visit to the home of bette blu.
    Bette is morbidly obese,as you can see.
    At 427.5 pounds,it was impossible for her to make the trip to the station, so I am at her home,now.
    After this brief commercial break,we shall start the interview.

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  28. Bette Blu Interview--Part OneSeptember 5, 2011 at 8:07 AM

    Al: Betty,do you want two chairs or the love seat?

    Bette: Two chairs are fine,Al. Well,I think I need three ,ha ha. My rear end needs it's OWN chair.

    Al: Yes,Bette,I can see that.


    Bette: Al,I LOVE me.I know that I am worth ten intelligent,slim and beautiful girls.

    *smug, self satisfied look while eating a Man sized Burrito*

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  29. yeah yeah yeah... you are a tard with limited imagination.. this is the best you can come up with?...lame...why not respond to me as to why you insist on making this blog all about you and your problems..which you will NEVER resolve...you are too attached to them...too much invested in being "sick"..you don't know sick..what happened to you is just life..get over it....you self-aborbed, boring cunt..

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  30. Bette Blu Interview--Part OneSeptember 5, 2011 at 8:19 AM

    Al:Well,Bette, what gets you mad?

    Bette:
    I hate weakness, Al. When I see it, I want to sit my 427 pound ass on it and make a pancake out of it, ha ha, and I can *laughs,farts and burps*

    Al: Bette,control yourself.There is no weakness,here.It is just you and me.


    Al: What about your children,Bette?

    Bette:Well,if they are weak,I burn them.
    I burn their arms until they stop crying.
    It works.They are not weak, ha ha.

    .

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  31. Al: What fuels you,Bette? You seem to have a 400 pounds ofpent up hatred and rage.
    What do you do when you are not eating yourself to death?

    Bette: Well,I HATE beautiful,slim,intelligent woman. I could kill them and wipe them off the face of the earth.
    I know I am an idiot.I know I am stupid and have no talent.

    I like to destroy woman who have what I don't have and can never have:beauty,brains and personality.

    I could never compete so I must destroy.

    Al: Well, you heard it from Bette's mouth.
    That is it for today,bidding you Good night from me,Alistair Cooke.
    Farewell,until next time and there will be a next time :)

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  32. ...you are truly an idiot...done with you..

    so...we have tentatively added a third to our relationship...she is extremely submissive, enjoys pain and is shy..i kind of like being the number 1 and having a #2 that I can have fetch us coffee...sexually i'm not sure the chemistry is as there as I would like it...she is just too nervous yet but its fun to allow another in our bedroom to watch us and tell what to do...we'll see how this goes..she is living with us for now..i took her shopping and to the salon to get a bit more glammed up for my husband..i was hoping for more of a true relationship but i'm thinking she is more of a toy for us when we choose..we'll see how it goes..it may blow up but i'm interested in seeing how it plays out..

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  34. no you fuck off

    this is boring. was all of that bette blu or a troll? can't tell

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  36. gross is fried bubble gum...just saw that on the news..

    Erin.....just a lifestyle choice..don't knock it if you don't know what you are talking about..you might like it...lol...but first you'd have to get off this blog and have a life.

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  37. did you really want the third or is to keep your partner happy? i mean what's in it for you? why share the "resources"?

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  38. gross is bacon flavoured ice cream :(

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  39. it is mutual..i like having a girlfriend around and we can do girly things..we laugh and have fun...we have lots in common..i get i happen to like seeing my husband with other women..i enjoy being with women also..its what works for us..i know i have his heart..sharing him physically is a turn-on for me..

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  40. bette blue = badpenny

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  41. I once looked for a girl like bette i decided to grab one i liked and shaped her personality the way i wanted it has proven to be a real challenge sometimes she drives crazy and throws the bullshit i tell her back at me LOL

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  42. bete blu is actually bette blu but is married to badpenny

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  43. Hello? *listens to echo*

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  44. while on a business trip, i met a guy who had been in a threesome - him, his wife and another woman. they did a lot of coke the whole time and in general. he said at first it was fun, then the women got possessive. he cheated on them and they found out and got mad. then his wife got jealous of the other, and the other had to go.

    it seems all so complicated

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  45. M.E. wrote...
    In my healthiest relationships, people know what to expect from me -- outside the box thinking, efficient problem solving, ruthlessness, an eye for exploitation, impressive loyalty, which are all very useful tools in certain situations. They also know what not to expect from me -- empathy, commiseration, a deep emotional connection, hand holding, mercy, unconditional love. But not everybody needs everyone in their life to be those things, right?


    actually, i don't understand the loyalty, let alone impressive loyalty, without the emotional connection. surely it implies some emotional connection? loyalty to me suggests you are getting something in return, that there is some sort of connection there, even if not a deeply emotional one. like a good friendship?

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  46. ME clearly isn't a sociopath. He seems like a fairly normal guy, slightly on the unemotional side

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  48. oh erin...you only show your ignorance and bias...we are three consenting adults..we are all the same age and all in agreement over the terms of our relationship. open up your mind...you assume she's young because she's shy? I just happen to used to very open and aggressive women. i have never been with someone shy..so it is a weird change in roles for me.
    sexuality has many dimensions..i don't find any of it disgusting..that david choses to sell his body for sex works for him and for his clients. i've been shocked to hear so many people on here rail against him for such an easy con. it is all about experimentation and personal preference..

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  50. "David does not gross me out"

    that's not what you said before. you contradict yourself every time you speak.

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  51. thank you anon...exactly

    erin..you know nothing about me as a person..nothing..just a lot of assumptions and projections.. as with all of your "insights" you paint broad brush strokes about that which you know nothing

    it might be offensive if it weren't coming from you..you pathetic troll

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  54. actually, i have been nothing but honest on here..there is nothing fake about anything i have said..you are the fake..the fake "beeper" the fake who hates people one day and kisses their ass the next..the fake who changes her opinions with the wind..the fake who supposedly stands up to socios but only wanting them to like and accept her..you are a trick erin..nothing but

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  56. oh right..let me guess... i am your rotten mother or a mean girl you knew in high school? didn't you claim to KNOW eden..like you know medussa, and on and on and on...use your psychic abilities elsewhere..i've seen just how accurate they are...as i said...you are lame..with no skills at assessing others..you daily come back here and say..oops i was wrong about you..please like me..anything you say is utter drivel girl...no, I KNOW you...we all do..

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  57. and the next time david attacks you, hell be the scum of the earth again. won't he, erin?

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  59. and what's with all the smiley faces, erin? it's kinda weird.

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  60. @Erin

    Who did you nick-name "The Ape" again?

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  62. this is soooo very boring. just stop talking to erin, already.

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  64. Sex toys and shy boys
    Whips and chains and Polaroids
    Make it fast but make it last
    Take me rape me it's a blast!

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  67. Being provocative and covertley hostile is YOUR fault, Erin. Do ever wonder why most people here can't stand you?

    Do you understand why this is, or is it everyone else's fault for being big mean bullies?

    I don't know what bent your life out of shape, but you need to stop wasting time and get it sorted. You admit to having problems, but instead of dealing with them you hang around online all day with a bunch of psychopaths, and other people who despise you.

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  69. I'm not Betta, and I'd prefer it if you actually take what I said onboard and mabye even answer it.

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  71. that anon was not me...lets see..you got 98% wrong..and this is boring...i'm outta here

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  72. My new poem is for you, Mrs. Blu
    Have your cake and eat her too! ;)

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  73. 'Anon
    HI Bette!'

    I'm not Betta, but well done for getting out of answering my comment. I'm afraid you're just lost, Erin.

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  75. 'LOL' is no a valid argument, my dear. /:

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  76. "He was prolly very kind and tender to you.
    You need that, as most of us who have been abused do.
    You kind of fell for him.When you did, he kicked you to the curb and humiliated you in front of people,on here.That is classic Socio behavior

    That is prolly what happened.You have nothing to be ashamed of.
    Show your face on here. Be you!
    Don't let someone run you off.
    It will help build your confidence.

    I can't not come on here anymore, Erin. Now that this is the only place acceptable to show my daemons to live people, I am afraid I will never be able to leave.

    When I make a connection it isn't for abuse. It is from the memory of a past kindness. I hold on to it.

    I have people--plently of people -you wouldn't believe-- in the real world I don't show any of my pain. I have the worst feelings of shame and emptiness. It bothers me when people here, especially someone like TNP, who you say knows a bpd person, tries to tell me I am not one.

    Maybe I have wronged him by imposing kindness onto someone who isn't ever a kind person. Maybe that is why he has been so mean. I have discounted his personality so he did the same to me? I thought that because he had had a bpd person as a gf that he would not cause pain because he knew on an intellectual level the gross levels. I had the feeling that there were sociopaths here that got depression.

    Since I am here, I have been mirrored and all I see is newly found daemons and a need for acceptance, again, from abusers. There is one very very special place I go in real life where I am afraid of possible mental abuse. The trade off is worth it, so I can handle this. Somehow the trade off is worth it here, and I am so so much better in real life now than I have ever been in my life.

    I can only be happy that TNP causes me pain. Such pain I was denying. But I don't care. He showed me my illness on his blog and he knows he was kind to me once. For that little bit I am grateful.

    I tried to say I was grateful in an email--a very short un-needy email today, but his email address is not working. So I say this here. And no, no one will run me off here. I make my own decisions.

    I am a very nice person. I'm so nice you wouldn't believe it. I play here to escape. It is the best medicine. So I feel like a winner even though I hurt like crazy.

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  78. @Mania awwww are you going to take in bella... help her... let her fall in love im touched :')

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  80. BTW I know some of you will think I am grobbling up there. No, it doesn't feel so. If you were in my head you would see grace.

    And I can be humble if I want to here. It is my right to be who I want. I don't grobble. I am humble and I will always have grace in my head. I am not a narcissist, either. So far from it.

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  81. It's an awfully windy day today.
    I don't mean in this place, even though it's a fitting description.
    I guess everyone's getting their periods all synced.

    It's windy here, in central Texas, and my mother just confirmed that her house is burning down. I wonder how much insurance she has...
    I kind of wish my apartment would burn down. I have it well insured. Or my shop.

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  82. That's not a fucking con Dave. His con backfired and you swept up. If he weren't so stupid you'd have gotten nothing, don't call yourself a con man you useless whore. And you were is nurse as well as his sex slave? Great. Doing things you hate for money for years on end, that's the goodlife.

    And what's with the fucking group therapy sessions in here?

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  84. "Helping him in his household, putting him under the shower, doing all kinds of 'stuff' with him."

    Lol.

    "When I entered his apartment on friday evening (normally I stayed untill saturday afternoon) he always had a written list ready with things I had to do (most of them sexually)."

    That's my favourite part. I can just imagine you lying on the floor of his sex den, under his arm like princess laya with jabba the hut.

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  86. I am not interested in falling in love, Erin. Please don't make light of this. Today is a very bad day.

    Hello David. We have never interacted. I am sorry for your own troubles. They sound bad.

    Now I need to get out of my own head and listen to music and do my own yoga now. Thank you, ME, for sw.

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  87. Eden, sorry about your Mom's house.

    I seriously have wished my apt would burn down. It would be a load off.

    bye

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  89. you know fires happen a gas leak the light of the sun going through a magnifying glass
    shit happens and lives get destroyed
    good thing people invented insurance

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  90. why dos sociapath kill prostitute

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  91. why dos sociapth kill sociopath

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  92. @Bella

    Don't be. I know my mother, and she's not sorry that her house is burning down. She's excited.
    It doesn't even bother her, that the fat dog she had to leave behind, is probably dead now.

    If this were happening to my hysterical sister, she would have called last night, whaling about the dog she was having to leave.

    My mother seemed.... I wouldn't say calm, just a little excited. She loves when disaster strikes.

    lol I have a FUCKED up family! It's all in the book.

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  93. Well this place hasn't changed a bit. The whining, the verbal abuse... The whining. Delightful as ever.

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  94. @tn

    what happened your shitty blog?

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  95. "Remember, to go against the church is to go against God."

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  97. cause she so scientific nd logikal

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  98. fukin' david deleted his comments again.

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  99. You can delete your comments on here, but the memory of the comments will remain.

    hehe

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  100. It's glucose. Because I'm sweet like sugar, of course.

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  101. What does tn stand for??

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  102. Just to be an asshole. This is David's idea of a con:

    "He made countless sex contract (almost on a monthly basis) during the years I spend time on him, he was obsessed with sex. He did the same thing with a minor guy back in the '80's, the family of the minor (who were friends of his family) found out. His brother saved him there, otherwise he would surely gone into jail. In the end he sued me on a contract that had financial and sexual elements. He forged the contract by eleminating the sexual stuff and copying it, hoping I wouldn't have the original anymore, but I did. He was again lucky the prosecutor didn't sue him for this. When my lawyer saw all my evidence his reaction was "the question should be here if you were paid enough"."

    Stop making out that you're the predator Dave. You're a victim of sexual abuse who was lucky enough to find an angle.

    Some of the funny parts about what his ex did to him are listed above in my second response comment.

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  103. I rather doubt that tn.
    No one who comes here, seems to be their first claim.

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  105. Who gives a FUCK, Erin.

    Why do you think anyone cares about your internal minitae? Write it in your journal. It's obvious you have no empathy otherwise you wouldn't be so annoying to everyone all the time and would stop ignoring it when everyone tells you so.

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  107. This is not bette, sorry. Your psychic powers really suck.

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  109. You can just LOL your way out of everything, eh?

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  111. Nice work Misanthrope but then, you were here last time I explained it.

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  112. "Interestingly, I think that when I was growing up some of my siblings thought I was more trouble than I was worth. I got into fights all the time. I was impulsive and reckless and people were constantly having to clean up after me."

    When I read the first passage this is what I was thinking. I wondered how you would describe yourself, so this was pretty funny.

    Ah, the being called 'evil'. I was called that, by my step parents, especially the woman. I secretly found satisfaction that she saw me that way, I saw it as her admitting that I did have impact and importance despite the fact she always used to try and make me think the opposite. :)

    There is something and some ways for everybody. Variety comes with human nature, and it always starts within ourselves.

    If we were all the same, why search for the right one?

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  113. i assume you were talking about me erin? unless there was someone else who called you a cunt today, which with you is a likelihood. in the event you were, and thought for a second that i was being "nice" to you at any point, you are delusional ..anon is not me..i don't come on here as anon..i have no problem saying what i need to say and don't need to hide.

    cute poem eden :)

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  116. "Choosing not to believe in the Devil, won't protect you from him."

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  117. "When the Devil has nothing better to do, he rapes his children."

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  119. projection much, erin?

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  121. Who's This:

    "You're just cherry picking now"

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  122. Erin you think you're ukan now?

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  123. for the record..i am not a bully. just really fed up with reading your bullshit...i actually will help people that are weak when they are willing to help themselves..if they are not willing to do shit, i move on. i won't waste my time. I have nothing to be envious about. I live a charmed life ...i am very comfortable in my own skin and i have all the externals.. i am very happy and content with my life. i actually have a masters degree and have a very high pressure career...i work..i don't spend my day giving away "psychic" advice...quite the business woman you are erin. you are weak because you chose to ignore whatever advice is given to you that may actually make a difference...you instead spin your wheels...and it is annoying...holding up a mirror isn't bullying erin..you choose to view it that way so you can remain a victim and blame others for your sad station in life..

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  125. ever thought that mabye people here rag on you because you annoy them, erin? it might not be everyone else's fault, y'know.

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  127. anon again with the quick and to the point back up...ty

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  128. Erin can turn anyone into a sociopath. Quite a talent.

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  132. Thanks doctor! I'm quite sure you are qualified to diagnose.

    I'd say your time is better spent worrying about yourself and your own problems and quit deflecting. Just do it in private.

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  133. *knock* *knock*

    Ms. Hilton?

    Yes?

    I'm sorry to inform you that you apparently, Don't... live a charmed life.

    Oh yeah... why is that?

    Because you pick fights with people who annoy you. It's the law.

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  136. Hey bette stop calling her a cunt.

    Hey Erin, you are a cunt.

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  137. Most of the fights that happen here are instigated by you. Yes, you do pick fights. You can't live without them.

    I notice you mention me a lot when I'm not around, hoping I'll come out of the woodwork so you can fight or be abused.

    You ask for it, and you know it.

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  138. @ medusa lol

    you said a swear word...beware the wrath

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  140. i'm not bete, you are paranoid. nobody is singling you out. when you come to a forum and behave the way you do (although i can't hold it against you because i don't believe you are aware of your behaviour), you can't expect people not to get annoyed with you. when everyone else is against you, you know you're in the wrong, erin.

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  141. You still think that Medusa's Helper person was me. Get over it.

    I'm the same as I always was.

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  143. Erin said...
    So,if someone is gonna call me a swear word, I am gonna react.That is it.


    why react to it? why not just ignore it? not everything is worth reacting to. sometimes it is, but not always.

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  144. You teach people how to treat you, 'Baby'.

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  147. Apparently that's: Where have all the cowboys gone?

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  148. @Erin

    Any chance at me getting you to think the same as me, all the time?

    Let's see if you can mimic me.

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  149. I found this quote in the archives:

    "If you focus on being a victim, you will continue to be a victim."

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  150. Nero said...
    you can't appreciate the difference between a girl you have gamed and an escort.

    I never understood why people post comments on blogs if you need to talk just imagine it.
    September 2, 2011 5:07 PM

    I don't get it what is the difference between a girl you have gamed and an escort?

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  151. The difference is you pay one, you rob the other.

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  152. Erin:

    "You have two prominent traits.
    One is that you are very envious of others.You are very average.You know that and instead of accepting it, you want to take others down."

    You have good insight, sweetheart.

    Now, can you use that sharp psychological understanding to look into your own soul?

    I mean, truly, wouldn't it be interesting? No, that's not the right word... Wouldn't it be a healing experience?

    Because you do need healing, yes? That was why you sensed this was the right place to open up. Yes?

    You often overhear things that could be of importance for your own situation. Maybe you will zoom in on this message and respond?

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  153. which one do u pay and which one do you rob?

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  154. this is a list of words Erin understands

    Erin
    God
    want
    hurt
    me
    I
    have
    don't have
    envy
    jealous
    cry
    bitch
    cunt
    and whore

    use only these in a sentence when speaking to her
    she always skips over the others

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  157. @Erin
    i'm curious. what is your definition of being violated? i mean here on this forum.

    how do you tell the difference between someone who is being bitchy maybe because they had a bad day, or maybe because that's just their personality, and someone who is sniping at you in a bullying way?

    you say you want honesty, and that you like people who are "real". sometimes people are bitchy and even bullying, but that doesn't make them bullies. just as being nice on the surface doesn't mean you're not one. there are very subtle ways to bully others.

    so doesn't interacting with people who are "real" require a certain amount of tolerance to their flaws and even bitchiness? that to me is real. and when you can get past seeing the flaws, people can surprise you and turn out pretty cool.

    i haven't been keeping up with the posts but at times your anger toward the others here seems a little out of proportion. i mean they're just forum people right? why let them get you worked up? you can't tell the whole picture from a few words.

    i think everyone needs room to be an asshole now and then without being judged. and if there is any place for that, this would be it. this is that room.

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  159. Erin, Is it possible you may have a problem with women?

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  160. If woman go after me

    I am working through NOT standing up to bullying by a woman

    Why do you keep reiterating 'woman'?

    Pretty unfair and very narcissistic to treat everyone like they are your mother. Like everyone is a toy for your psyche to play with.

    We are not quarters in a tube sock.

    I see you are putting 99% of your efforts into these so-called "bullies" and other people, and very little into yourself. If you did, you might eventually see that the bullies don't matter, and they would no longer get to you.

    Until then, you are still very much under your mother's power.

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  161. Bette: Well,I HATE beautiful,slim,intelligent woman. I could kill them and wipe them off the face of the earth.
    I know I am an idiot.I know I am stupid and have no talent.

    I like to destroy woman who have what I don't have and can never have:beauty,brains and personality.

    I could never compete so I must destroy.


    Well if this ain't projection, I don't know what is.

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  164. No, it's called basic psychology.

    And listening to your heart when you are mentally ill is often self-defeating.

    Junkies 'listen to their hearts' all the time when deciding whether or not to get their next fix.

    You can't go anywhere new if you are going soley by what already was...i.e. the heart.

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  165. I have an idea to wonder

    Medusa Zoe Zhawq

    You're doing this same thing as erin is because you keep trying to make her see your reasonings, expecting that eventually she will.
    I don't think she can. Her defenses are designed to keeping her in the dark. But in the thinking that you can make her see it, you are also keeping of yourselves in the dark with her.

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  167. Yeah, I know.

    The absurdity is such that I can't help thinking that she's just a troll.

    Besides, what I write to her is not only for her.

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  168. "I love these Anon's who can't even get a name and are prolly some idiot like Bette."

    erin got angry with anon's comment because he spoke the truth she doesn't want to confront.

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  169. I be thinking she got some issues with her father.
    Is there something she isn't seeing about him?
    She does think of him as her mothers dog.

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  170. Medusa

    this is a place these people for who can not have their minds changed. It is that nature of us to think because we can understand a thing, it can be changed to our understanding of it. Thinking can be the worse of this process. Obsession will go away when you stop thinking, and do something else. Time taking care of the rest does a better jobs.

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  171. @erin

    I think its time you went and poked your little knife into the toaster again.
    Please try not to soil yourself this though.

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  172. This *time* though. Oops....

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  173. Hello medusa, Eden Ralene and Zoe.

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  174. Erin:

    "Hi Zwahq
    I have appreciated you,from the beginning."

    That is good to hear, Erin.

    However, your misspelling my name shows differently. It's alright, though, I know you have issues that can bring some aggressive sides up in you. You are human, like we all are. ;)


    "Yes, I need healing. Part of my healing it to tell bully woman that I am not free territory to violate.
    You know?"

    I do not know about your particular situation, Erin, but I understand what you're telling me.


    "Healing is many layered and so hard."

    Very true indeed.


    "I am here cuz you can be honest,here."

    I see. I find that many people seem to feel that they are not really allowed to be honest here.

    They're wrong, of course, and you're correct when you say people can be honest about themselves here. Even if it leads to a lot of attempts to scare and hurt you.


    "If a woman bullies me, I HOPE she will live to regret it."

    But how will you know? People are not likely to show you or tell you if you've hit home on a soft spot in them. In fact, most just goes on, repeating themselves endlessly and playing on the sociopath wannabes in other readers so as to make them want to follow them rather than become the target and "called out" as yet another wannabe, fake, 'moron" and "faggot", and so on.

    ... These kinds of words really do make people emotionally react.


    "Isn't that a form of healing.Baby?"

    :) - I don't know, Erin. Is it? I am certainly seriously and honestly interested in hearing about your experiences in this regard (and we know there are many readers who would benefit from learning what you have discovered).

    Will you share it with us?... Ignore the sour and aggressive comments and tell me/us about this kind of learning?

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  175. It would be rather hilarious (and somewhat ironic) if erin was actually ME...and every response was being logged and noted for some new psyche experiment involving socios and their online interaction characteristics.
    Ha...that would be funny indeed.

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  176. What up Lycan. What's on your morning agenda?

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  177. I love social experiments. How exciting!

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  178. where are all the bad asses?

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  179. Lycan:

    "It would be rather hilarious (and somewhat ironic) if erin was actually ME..."

    Haha. One of my acquaintances (well, private life friends) has a lot of experience with posting in different fora. And he tells me it's normal for the posters to suspect each other for having multiple accounts and having made multiple alternate personae that they use those accounts to portray.

    I asked him if it never showed, and he said that yes, of course it does. Most of these people are reasonably easy to find out (meaning it's reasonably easy to deduce who their alternate personae are. But the strange thing is that hardly nobody ever does!!

    Which means both those who9 blame and accuse others of hurting them while in hiding under a different persona, even they like it and thrive with this state of affairs.

    Personally I've had a lot of fun through when chatting with my friend. He will alert me to something someone wrote in a forum I haven't frequented for months. I imagine it must seem as if I'm a mind reader when I turn up exactly when they're talking about mt. Hehe

    My friend tells me it has also led to people thinking he and I are one and the same person (something I find especially interesting. '^L^,

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  180. @Eden

    A day of domestic drudgery Im afraid.
    The weather is particularly pleasant today though so I guess thats a plus.
    All good though, even a socio enjoys wearing clean clothes!..lol

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  181. "He will alert me to something someone wrote in a forum I haven't frequented for months. I imagine it must seem as if I'm a mind reader when I turn up exactly when they're talking about mt."

    Well I'm imagining that if they're not complete and total morons, they probably suspect that someone has alerted you to their comment. Which would only make sense.

    I've noticed that happening here before, and it doesn't make me think anything more than, some of the lifers here, keep in touch by other means, not just on this blog.

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  182. @anon 8.53

    Badasses?..hmmmm...I think erins left. so theres none...

    except the lurkers who are watching for some scintillating conversation to erupt so they can throw their pennys worth in.

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  183. @Eden

    yes , Ive noticed that too.

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  184. @Lycan

    You're naked right now though. Where is your picture?

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  185. why dos sociapaths use famas

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  186. Wasnt signed in through the blog. Am now though...tadaa...

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  187. @Anon

    Because they get wet at the thought of being a sniper.

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  188. @Eden

    and justifiably suspicious I might add.....

    this place just brings out the bestest in people aye?...lol

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