Friday, September 9, 2011

Saying sorry

"Sorry means you'll never do it again." That's what I always used to hear as a child in reply to my rote recitations of the words "I'm sorry."

I grew up with a narcissistic father. He could be such a hard ass sometimes, but he could weep uncontrollably at the most ridiculous things. I learned not to trust signs of emotion from him; they were just farcical manipulations trying to fit whatever image he was trying to project, not sincere responses to normal stimuli. He was so erratically hot and cold about everything. I hated how unpredictable that made my life. And he always kept score, even for some of the bad stuff about himself. I think he actually spent his whole life resentfully trying to put more hashmarks under the "good" column than the "bad," just so he wouldn't have to hate himself. I say all of these unrelated things just as context for this next point:

Whenever I wanted to enact justice, he was always opposed. The situation could have nothing to do with him. I could be having a dispute with a friend or even an enemy and if I did the slightest bit of retaliation, he would disapprove or actively fight me on it. I was never molested by priests or anything, but I have had enough things happen to me or my siblings that screamed for justice to know that if I was, he would have said something like, "Just let it be." He had the most ridiculous reactions, and it wasn't any religious turn the other cheek thing either.

You see, whenever he saw a perpetrator, he always identified with him. Every time I was out for blood, he thought about himself. He was afraid. He was afraid that someday someone would come after him for something he had done, just like I was going after other people. In his world he wanted actions to not mean anything. He wanted to think he was above any consequences, above any causal relationship between his actions and the results of those actions. I don't know if he actually believed that he was above them or maybe he just had to think that way in order to live with himself, but the gist of it was that he wanted to be able to do whatever he wanted and still think whatever he wanted about himself. I hated him for that. I interpreted it as more of his up is down, down is up delusional propaganda, a way to slip out of blame for anything. And he hated me for wanting the world to be one predictable flow of cause and effect.

Anyway, now I'm fine if that's how people want to live their lives, and I know that people who are like that are deaf to any attempts to reason with them, but I still get the most pleasurable sensation of schadenfreude when I see them getting exactly what's coming to them.

309 comments:

  1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_YI3SQAJzE



    xo

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  2. "he wanted to be able to do whatever he wanted and still think whatever he wanted about himself. I hated him for that. I interpreted it as more of his up is down, down is up delusional propaganda, a way to slip out of blame for anything. And he hated me for wanting the world to be one predictable flow of cause and effect."


    Because they are off the hook. Unscathed.

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  3. I say that word very well now. It used to be like swallowing bile, to do it.
    I even convince myself I mean it too. That's the best way. But I always repeat my behavior. I just take a longer route before I get to it. That's best too.

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  4. I've never had a hard time saying sorry. It's just a word.

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  5. Agreed Mis.
    All words are just that, words. Collections of syllables associated with socially constructed emotions and values.

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  6. Even though the Zwang thing is over I'm still going to post this. This is our girl Puzelle AKA zhawq crying about being stalked, raped, abused and terrorized in her own neighbourhood:

    "They'll invade me because I ... let(?) ... them??

    But I don't let them!!
    They quickly enough find out that I have no one around me who'll help me stop abusive behavior from my surroundings, and then the game is on.

    No, I don't let them!!

    Dammit, I've been sitting walled in at my apartment for months, not opening the door and not answering the phone, simply to stop this. And yet, when I begin to venture out ... taking a short walk to the store, f.ex. ... there they'll be.

    I write "they". This has happened more than once in my life (I'm 50). It's usually one person who catches the scent of fair game and start stalking me. Obviously I get no help from the police either (been there, tried that, etc.). And such a single person will and can carry on with their abuse for years. The guy who's currently on me has been doing it ("it" here means rape, stalking, verbal abuse, ambushing, and more) for about 14 years as I write this. Two years prior to him another one did the same thing for about 5 years.

    Believe me, I've stood my ground, said what needed being said, etc.. It just doesn't work when people find out that you're different - in that you don't read their social cues, which again leads to them overstepping your private boundaries, which again lead to them finding out quite practically that you also have no way of protecting yourself (because no one let's you actually stand on to your rights in thew state I live in).

    So again: No, we don't necessarily "let them" do anything to us!!

    It's a very common misconception that we sadly have been lead to believe in ourselves. However, it's another trap, another suppressive notion from our surroundings. Think about it! Of course we wouldn't let anyone step over our private boundaries if we had a choice!! Not even out of desperation, because we're not desperate about being abused! When we think we're "letting" others abuse us, really we aren't, but they're using the fact - that we don't always know what's us and what's the other person - against us with success; because if our inability to read their social cues are just our own fault, then we're fair game and should feel embarrassed.

    And yes, we feel embarrassed as we "should". It's almost like pressing a button.

    But I refuse to buy it! And I'm hereby acting against embarrassment that should be the abusers' and not the abusees'! So I proudly write about it here.

    *******

    Hang in there, guys!

    And don't put yourselves down by believing that their abuse is your fault!!

    *******

    ^L^,

    Puzelle.

    *******

    Note: Let the abusers who read this become embarrassed!, and do know that you won't be able to keep your game up forever! You'll get to answer soon enough!! Our role as "autistic disordered" is on time limit; change is happening as you read, and our place as a personality variety - and one that is needed and a gift! - will be just as real to you in the future, as your abuse is to us now. See if you like the odds when that happens!"

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  7. Sorry is a useful word, if you seldom use it.

    All words are just that, words. Collections of syllables associated with socially constructed emotions and values

    Go play with your biochemist set

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  8. Note: Let the abusers who read this become embarrassed!, and do know that you won't be able to keep your game up forever! You'll get to answer soon enough!! Our role as "autistic disordered" is on time limit; change is happening as you read, and our place as a personality variety - and one that is needed and a gift! - will be just as real to you in the future, as your abuse is to us now. See if you like the odds when that happens!"

    Yes change is on the horizon for us autistics! Abusers beware! We will soon be posting lengthy texts on your websites pretending to be you!

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  9. Hahahahaha. She didn't just lie about raping and abusing. It actually happened to her.

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  10. She just can't remember if it was twice or three times ha aha ha ahhahahahahahahahah.

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  11. "I put it on her blog"

    She now delete's every comment that threatens her reputation. Its still fun to imagine her sitting on her computer all day guarding her site. Lol. This is her life and she's living it in fear.

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  12. "He was afraid. He was afraid that someday someone would come after him for something he had done, just like I was going after other people. In his world he wanted actions to not mean anything. He wanted to think he was above any consequences, above any causal relationship between his actions and the results of those actions. I don't know if he actually believed that he was above them or maybe he just had to think that way in order to live with himself, but the gist of it was that he wanted to be able to do whatever he wanted and still think whatever he wanted about himself."

    This pretty much embodies my narc-Ex and why he tried so hard to beat me down... he was forced to face the consequences of some of his actions with me and he resented the hell out of me for it. His little world and entire self image began to crumble when he was forced to see that the world is wider than what he believed. That's also when he would lash out most and become the most abusive. I hope he dies in a fire.

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  13. This is her life and she's living it in fear.

    That amuses me greatly

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  14. Saying "I'm sorry" is a tool. I apologize when I realize it is socially appropriate to do so, but I rarely, if ever, actually feel sorry about something I've done. More often then not I realize that if I don't say the words people will leave, and I can't have that, so I let them hear what they need to hear to fulfill my own needs (getting them to stay). It's all a means to my own ends, really. Just words, though occasionally useful ones.

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  15. ukan, isn't it strange how the ones who get abused here are also being abused in the real world? that's a clear sign that you can judge a person through their words. erin and zhawq have been attacked since they came here and in the real world it seems to be no different for them.

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  16. predators don't attack you for no reason, they attack because you have gaping wounds.

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  17. Oh, this place is sick like that. That's why I love it so much. As soon as actual sociopaths started coming in (We used to have a lot of Zwaqs) the abuse started. Once a drop of blood hits the water all the sharks start to circle. For the abused it's therapy. They get to live out the abuse they hid from themselves for so long. For us, it's amusement. Mental sadism and cruelty that's as easy sending a text message.

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  18. Look at how delusional Zwaq is:

    Anon 1:22:

    Do you think Jack Nicholson is a charismatic psychopath? I was once friends with a person who is a charismatic psychopath, and I've always thought by his mannerisms and the way he carries himself Nicholson is bound to be one too.


    I don't know that Jack Nicholson is a psychopath. I haven't studied him and don't know much about his past.

    Since my words are not without weight in some professional circles, it could bring about unwanted consequences if I begin assessing people from afar... a practice I'm against, by the way.

    Questions like this should be emailed to me, so I can answer in private.

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  19. I think it's the annoying ones who get abused on here.
    Zhawq was annoying because of his long winded, boring comments
    And Erin is just full of shit

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  20. he sounds a little disheartened, it's very unlike him.

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  21. i an sorry sociapaths r so retarted, lol jk no im not sociapaths relly sucks a lot

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  22. "Questions like this should be emailed to me, so I can answer in private."

    As if anyone worthwhile reads his blog anyways.

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  23. there is more to it than that. it can't be a co incidence that the two people getting the worse here are also being victimized in person. you can tell a person by what they speak about and their written beliefs etc.

    zhawq told us he is an aspie and erin a codependent, go figure.

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  24. i can tell that ukan and misanthrope like being the center of attention and prefer to take control of a situation.

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  25. Since my words are not without weight in some professional circles, it could bring about unwanted consequences if I begin assessing people from afar... a practice I'm against, by the way.


    This is what got me laughing the most. His words are not without weight in professional circles?! Ha ha ha ha

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  26. medusa is the most adept out of the women here, at playing the game.

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  27. This is where I found that story from Zwang:

    www.wrongplanet.net/postt125565.html

    Open Puzelle's profile and click on "Find all posts by Puzelle".

    Theres a whole load of funny shit on there.

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  28. "wrongplanet"

    that name fits perfectly.

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  29. zhawk is from denmark and his profile on there says he's from Scandinavia, Mis

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  30. Denmark is in Scandinavia. Jesus I never even finished secondary school and I still know that.

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  31. you know you are fucked up, when you can't even fit in with aspies.

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  32. "For the abused it's therapy. They get to live out the abuse they hid from themselves for so long. For us, it's amusement. Mental sadism and cruelty that's as easy"

    I agree with this.

    I've been trying to figure out why this place works for me. Yeah, I've been shown my past. It's a good thing :)

    And TBH, I get bored of people hiding their desire to abuse, then say "sorry" It's a turn off when people lie.

    "I'm sorry" should only be said if it is true or if you're intentionally working someone. They're very different usages.

    I think I've always gotten off on thrill seeking, but it doesn't make sense to go out, get smashed, fuck a criminal, rob a bank with him, gamble the money away counting cards, getting raped in prison and start living my life yet again.

    Going manic is fun, but ultimately dangerous.

    I don't think my ex intentionally wanted to "abuse" me.

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  33. holy shit, mis. zawk actually has a game avatar as his profile avatar on that 'wrong planet' forum. :D

    WHAT, A, NEEEEEEEEEEEERD!!!

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  34. ooops, i meant so say 'her profile avatar'. (:

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  35. "If you want to know the truth, don't listen to hearsay and enemies. Go to the source, it will save you time and wasted effort"

    --Zhawq. twitter.

    Oh the fucking irony. Hahahaha.

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  36. This one goes to David, Mis, UKan (alphabetical sorting).

    I don't believe in hitting the weak but when the weak does not know its place and tries to bullshit the strong, the associated pathetic narcissism upsets my stomach.

    I am really impressed with your ability to call on narcissistic bullshit and expose the pathetically wounded who is trying to steal the scene.

    Not once, not twice, you have shown this bullshit locating ability enough many times. I can only imagine your exposure over the years to similar types of narcissistic losers is the main source of your ability to quickly identify these types, but I may be completely wrong.

    What is your take on the root reason for your ability to call on narcissistic/insecure/pathetic bullshit?



    UKan said...
    Oh, this place is sick like that. That's why I love it so much. As soon as actual sociopaths started coming in (We used to have a lot of Zwaqs) the abuse started. Once a drop of blood hits the water all the sharks start to circle. For the abused it's therapy. They get to live out the abuse they hid from themselves for so long. For us, it's amusement. Mental sadism and cruelty that's as easy sending a text message.

    September 9, 2011 8:44 AM

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  37. "narcissistic losers"

    are you trying to say that ukan, david and misanthrope aren't narcissistic? lmfao seriously?

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  38. and how do you associate narcissism with insecurity, narcissism is self love.

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  39. @11:14
    studied logic much?

    @11:15
    narcissism is self-love in the absence of healthy confidence based on reality. narcissism and insecurity go hand in hand.

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  40. Dave shouldn't be in there. He's only been here for a few week and the only person he's managed to hurt is Erin because she's a moron. He actually is one of the deluded, narcissistic bullshiters and we've been calling him on his bullshit since the second day he's been here.

    These people are so easy to spot because they always seem like they've got something to prove even when they try to hide that. All you have to do is push them and they'll bust open trying to defend themselves and reveal all their insecurities.

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  41. do you actually think that ukan and misanthrope are on a holy crusade to take down narcissistic people? bet they couldn't have gave a shit if zhawq was narcissistic, or not. they were doing it for enjoyment. it's like trying to have a deep philosophical view about rape, when there is nothing more to it than domination, control and of course the sex itself.

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  42. "narcissism is self-love in the absence of healthy confidence based on reality. narcissism and insecurity go hand in hand."

    what amateur article did you read that from?

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  43. when we asked if he was promiscuous because he wanted to have lots of children and this attain a sort of "genetic immortality" one of our psychopathic subjects laughed and said "I just like to fuck"

    -- without conscience.

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  44. You attack David, but I don't see David toppling over like the others. He also makes healthy realistic observations about his current state plus likely future state (and not necessarily rosy). But, you're right, he is new and certainly not a part of any triangle. I like his honesty, he's been honest from day one. His excessive appreciation of luxury certainly ties into some level of insecurity and narcissism but if that is what turns him on what can we say.

    Your reasoning... They seem they've got something to prove... Hmmm. I certainly failed to identify that. What were they trying to prove?

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  45. sceli, you should go listen to marilyn manson he hates narcissism and the establishment just as much as you do.

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  46. narcissism is a supreme superiority complex, if narcissists were that insecure they'd be cutting and burning themselves.

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  47. it is actually an egomaniac with an inferiority complex

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  48. The reason David can be so 'honest' about himself, is so he can tell himself that tgat honesty elevates him above the rest of us.

    David is the fat kid with the glasses that desperately wants to join the cool kids, so he waggles along while trying not to pay attention to the fact that everyone's making fun of him. The fact that he has to put 'socio' in his name speaks volumes about how desperate he is.

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  49. "He also makes healthy realistic observations about his current state plus likely future state"

    Not when he first came. His opinions have changed to suit the rest of us. Whe he first came he was a refined and sophisticated gentleman, now he's a lonely and friendless whore with some refined tastes. He tries to expose people to impress us. Like how he tried to link Wheatly to that video yesterday, that was just forced and pointless. And when erin asked him to take down her information he told her to apologies first. He wanted her respect, he didn't even try to threaten her with it.

    "What were they trying to prove?"

    That they're not pathetic. That they deserve respect. That they're sociopaths(alot of the time).

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  50. Narcissism is overcompensating for low self-esteem.

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  51. "The reason David can be so 'honest' about himself, is so he can tell himself that tgat honesty elevates him above the rest of us.

    David is the fat kid with the glasses that desperately wants to join the cool kids, so he waggles along while trying not to pay attention to the fact that everyone's making fun of him. The fact that he has to put 'socio' in his name speaks volumes about how desperate he is."

    Exactly. And he only switched to this approached when he realised that everyone hated him.

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  52. Mis, thanks. That helps. I agree with your observations.

    'Trying to prove that they deserve respect and that they are not pathetic.' I absolutely buy this as a narcissist key to look for in evaluating someone's approach.

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  53. Notice that when you attack David for a while he switches back to "I'm better than you because I have this and that and blah blah blah". I don't brag about myself as a defence. In fact I very rarely even have to defend myself here. Dave is only as self aware and honest as we allow him to be.

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  54. Sceli I just remembered that you were the one who refused to ever speak to me and UKan again.

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  55. 'Once a drop of blood hits the water all the sharks start to circle'

    This reminded me the movie, Colombiana, the story of a good female body taking revenge by killing a bunch.

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  56. :) I pay respect when it is due.

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  57. Trying to get acceptance is probably the reason David uses an actual picture of himself:

    "Look at me! I'm the only one with enough balls to show my face!"

    Of course, with him being David and everything, you can't go back and re-read it, but he actually challenged everyone to do the same. Nobody responded of course, which was hilarious.

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  58. @ukan and mis

    zwahg is getting exposed on his own site, he hasn't noticed your comments yet!

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  59. But before anyone acuses me of any bandwagon-jumping;

    why haven't I been attacked yet?!

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  60. omg zhawq is an aspie

    Lmao!

    You'd almost think the first couple of anon's 'thanking' Puzelle for her blog are Puzelle herself. ^L^

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  61. Haha. I think I'll post the link to her blog about eating disorders on there.

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  62. I recently got involved with the last narc I WILL EVER get involved with. Inb4 he ain't no narc, just a regular ass, YES, a regular narc like i said before i attract asses. Point being, for a while I thought he may be borderline, for a while he thought I was an evil bitch, point is, fuck him and fuck assholes like him. Just throwing out an update on my 'romantic' life people. Enjoy. I'm also a little loose-lipped since I'be had a vodka but fuck that. Point being, I'm gonna find me a little nice boy. If only they weren't so goddamn submissive they might just get a look in. Oh well. Life is such. Oh and HI! wats going on here? Anything REALLLL for a change?

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  63. Oh oH! And soullufl and msedusa, I Finally got me a couple of kitties! I got them from the shelter, two little brothers. Ones a tabby and the others a black cat )spookiyyyyyy)But anyway. they are so cute. The tabby is always all up on my shit (LOL i like talking ghetto) licking my face and stuff. SO cute. I decided against pure breeds and went to rescue a couple instead. :))))) Are you proud of me? :))))

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  64. do u know what i fucking love? Revenge baby, unconccious revenge is a speciality i suppose. I've drvien a wedge between him and one of his 'bros' lol! Ain't it fun? He tried to isolate me from EVERYONE i care about. Everyone I love. What an ass. He thinks I'll take his shit lying down. WROng. Don't get me wrong, there are sacrifices when you 'deal' with a narc. There are times you have to take the submissive route, (as fake as it is), but really, getting out of that hell-hole excuse for a realtionship is the only routw for someone with any fucking pride. Make them think they have you under their control. I feel sorry for the guy, i really do. But sympathy is pointless. Emotional vampire = narc.

    I wrote a couple of lines

    Baby I never let go of love
    It's not mine to let go of (it ryhmes when u sing it)

    Meaning, however much you care for someone you gotta move on sometimes, and love isn't all that sustains a relationship and at the end of the day, love is not ours to control. It goes through us, and it's eternal, and the body that encloses it is the only thing that changes.

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  65. nitme, girl talk is on the other post of the day.

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  66. what? fuck that. :) This ain't girl talk. This is whatever i dunno. :P dO YOU GOTTA PROBELM!>?????

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  67. also, my name is not nitme.

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  68. :) Typically the one who asks has a problem. I was just saying so you have some interaction going,

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  69. hahaha, that was a oke! Get it! get it ^ in case you thought that was a troll. It's not. Its me, notnme, :) hello.

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  70. thanks sceli
    so what do you think of my post?

    What do think? huh?

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  71. Someone here is trying awfully hard to replace Erin. :P

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  72. IF YOU'RE IMPLYING THATS ME WHEATLEY I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS
    not fucking dunny since i've been here LOOOOOOOOOONG before her. So, son't talk shit, k? thats just emabressing

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  73. are you playing up your drunkness, notme? :p

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  74. Lol! You shouldn't take it so personally. That was what the ':P' was for.

    :P

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  75. Very profound about the love.

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  76. I don't want to complain about the lack of conversation here without contributing myself, but I've got zilch. Anyone else have any ideas?

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  77. Why does an abused person seek out abuse?

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  78. Because people are creatures of habit, of course. :)

    But I dunno. If I were to hazard a guess (which I am), I'd say that they really just do because they don't know any better.

    Not all abuse victims, obviously. All generalization are wrong, obviously. :)

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  79. Takes them home. Plus gets them attention. Double whammy!

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  80. wheatley no one has attacked you because you're dull as powder

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  81. yeah, you've gotta be a bit more outrageous in a place like this

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  82. maybe it's your name... makes me think of a field of wheat... borrrrannnng

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  83. What is your take on the root reason for your ability to call on narcissistic/insecure/pathetic bullshit?


    I get in constant conflicts with narcisssists in real life. Around when I first came here I asked as a anonymous about a situation I had with someone and what kind of person they were. It was some guy who was pathologically lieing to make himself look like some rockstar. This type of person is what my father is, and what almost every enemy I have ever had is. At the time I was ignorant of psychological terms. I knew the outline like I know many others, but I call them something else.
    I don't like narcissists because they are costly in my business. They refuse to quit, because it's not about business for them. It's all about how they look and what their appearance is. They lie not to get out of trouble, con someone, or play games with people. They pathologically lie about who they are so that they add color to their drab life. So that they add worth to their pointless existance. Like my business partner with his fake rolex watch, or his car that 'looks like a bmw'. Or this guy who sat down next to me on my couch at the club and started giving me lip about how much of a big shot he was not knowing who I was. I can name them all day long. I despise their weakness. It disgusts me because even though nobody else can see it, I can. I can see the weakness and self loathing in every action they do. They constantly need validation and that's the main give away. They also for some reason always envy me while at the same time trying to be me which is even more ridiculous because to everyone else they spew nothing but hatred for me.
    Examples in this little website is TNP and Zwaq. TNP and Zwaq both came in with this Good Boy Sociopath shite. As soon as they saw the tone in here get influenced by myself and misanthrope they totally changed up. TNP used to be nice to all the victims. Now he's just yelling at them. Zwaq tried to come out and say he was a violent criminal and rapist. The thing is if you are a violent criminal you already know many demons, devils, and saints. I don't know how but I can see who's soft and who is hardened. Just by looking at them, listening to them, or reading their words. It's instinct.
    As far as victims are concerned, well they are easy. I'm drawn to them like a bee to honey. I'm always looking for a weakness. If that's all you display then the rest is a fucking cake walk.

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  84. @sexpuppy

    Not sure if you're really giving your opinion, or just trying to humour me...

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  85. ^ spotting a narcissist is the easiest thing in the world for a socio type.... it is instinct.. you meet someone who is basically a walking breathing mockery of yourself and well... you can just sense it.
    Then they open their mouths....

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  86. Another example is David not being able to hold back putting up his picture. I knew he would. The more misanthrope and I taunted how he looked in real life the more he felt he had to put something up to prove us wrong. I knew he would give us Erin's info too. Reason being that he tried to side up with us before using Erin as something to unite behind and I told him to get stuffed. He thought if he brought something to the table he would be 'in'. Erin fell for his shite because she's ignorant of homosexuals and thinks they are all nice. I guess she thinks sexual preference supercedes psychology which it does not.

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  87. just fucking around... i haven't read much from you to be honest. i think i like you though :)

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  88. Man he looks like such a queer, too. that david guy. is that SERIOUSLY his real picture?

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  89. @UKan

    So that's why you told Erin that the IP-addres from Belgium was you! I thought it was weird you stood up for David. :)

    @sexpuppy

    I can certainly be long-winded at times. But, thanks I guess?

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  90. what happened to erin anyway

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  91. Erin wanted us to see her site and picture for the same reason as Dave. It backfired because her site was awful and she looked like shit.

    Zwangs site is up in flames now by the way.

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  92. Ooooo i wanna see that sad sack of shit erin... where might i find this?

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  93. "As far as victims are concerned, well they are easy. I'm drawn to them like a bee to honey."

    Hmm, I don't mean to be a cunt, but bees are drawn to pollen, they make honey.

    I felt the need to point it out because there's nothing better to say

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  94. 'Hmm, I don't mean to be a cunt, but bees are drawn to pollen, they make honey.

    I felt the need to point it out because there's nothing better to say'

    i loll'ed so hard

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  95. Bees aren't drawn to pollen, they're drawn to nectar. And actually, honey as well. Try smearing it over your face and standing next to a beehive. :)

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  96. Goddamn it don't steal my thunder

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  97. WHAT THE FUCK IS HONEY ANYWAY YEAH I THOUGHT SO.

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  98. battle of the the nit-picking cunts, know it all, cunts.

    lmao

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  99. If you're going to correct someone, at least correct them correctly...

    @Anon 4:23

    What's stopping you from coming up with something better to say yourself?

    ReplyDelete
  100. Really, where is a link to Erin's picture!?

    ReplyDelete
  101. It's http://www.christianpsychic.com or something. I forgot. It should still be here somewhere.

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  102. found it i think....

    http://psychic.fencl.org/


    hehhhehehhehehhe it's so funny

    ReplyDelete
  103. Interesting. M.E. switched the order of his two posts around. I'm guessing he wants more attention for his personal story. Fuckin' narc~

    It was some guy who was pathologically lieing to make himself look like some rockstar.

    Mr. Shaman did himself up to look like a rockstar. He looked very much like Ian from The Cult. Or one of the dudes in the Sisters of Mercy with the hats on. Only he knows nothing about music. And he's 45.

    And he would tell these really long grandiose stories about peyote and shit and how he was some kind of hero in the Mexican wilderness and tribes of natives would circle around him and present him with magical chairs and shit like he was some kind of god. And everyday he would tell me a new story about some lady who was in love with him, and the fact they were in love with him made him really angry, or at least he pretended it.

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  104. I know a guy like that, Medusa.

    He wrote these really long blogs about how in just a few months times, he had been promoted to a position he had no qualifications for, because he was so good at shit talking.
    Around this same time, some local band was begging him to be their front man. He met the mayor of the city at a bar, and got offered a job... and he landed a himself a movie gig, doing stunts or some such thing.

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  105. Zwangs site is up in flames now by the way.

    Nice, I thought he deleted it by now. Since he didn't I threw more shite on there ha ha ha ha.

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  106. Yeah. It's to fucking late now because the rest of his readers have already seen it all and the ones from SW saw it here. Of corse he'll still carry on and make up readers to respond to his posts though. It's funny because he's still getting more comments from this than from anything he's ever written. People are more interested in his destruction than anything he ever had to say.

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  107. And he would tell these really long grandiose stories about peyote and shit and how he was some kind of hero in the Mexican wilderness and tribes of natives would circle around him and present him with magical chairs and shit like he was some kind of god.

    Oh my fucking god, this bloke that I stole my wife from had the same fucking story, except it wasn't in mexico. He claimed to be a shaman and had said something profound around a fire and they carried him on their arms around a fire. Where do they get this shite? This is like the Special Forces rubbish I hear from narcissists everywhere. They always claim they had to do horrible shite to people in wars and they are tormented by their conscience. He also claimed his great grandaddy was in the family of this organized crime figure here who is popular, a claim that is ridiculous since they don't even have the same lineage.

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  108. It's funny because he's still getting more comments from this than from anything he's ever written. People are more interested in his destruction than anything he ever had to say.

    I was just thinking that when I saw it was at 40. It's almost a mini sociopathworld where he is the sole subject of humiliation.

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  109. I love doing this to people. You tell them exactly what you will do, yet they still fall for it because they think you won't do it to them

    I wonder if M.E. put this up on twitter after she saw what we did to zWaq.

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  110. "y dos sociapaths run society"

    this was also on ME's twitter... lol

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  111. I had a really hard time taking him seriously, but I did try because he was hot, virile and had a wonderful dick. If only he wouldn't use the phrase "making love" all the time. Ugh.

    He told me his father tried to kill him (with curanduro magic) because he was too much a threat as he knew his father cheated on his wife, but he was tipped off by someone who was working for his father and was following him at his father's command, who he said decided to take a liking to him (because he's special and you can tell by looking). So he magicked his father before his father could do it to him. By leaving a bunch of magic shit on a table in a restaurant his father was going to be at.

    And he was all "A-ha!" to his father. "Gotcha!"

    He blamed his relationship failures on curses and went insane over eagle feathers a lot. Omens! Everywhere!

    And everyone is after him everywhere, trying to 'use' him, blah blah blah. Very paranoid man.

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  112. In repones to M.E's initial post:
    Boo hoo, Daddy was a narcissist.
    Stop whining. Suck it up bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  113. hey medusa what is 'curanduro' magic?

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  114. His stories were like the indigenous Mexican version of the Sopranos or some shit.

    His father's side of the family is of the Yaqui tribe (mother is Syrian). One day he came over and my brilliant housemate brought out a Yaqui to English dictionary (which she had because her fiance is also half Yaqui) and he had no idea what it was. I guess because it said Yoeme to English dictionary, and Yoeme is just another word for Yaqui.

    Very surprising that someone so seemingly involved in his native heritage had no idea what his own tribe was called.

    Especially since the Yaqui was like the one tribe that the white man couldn't conquer. Total badasses.

    Maybe he just read too many Carlos Castaneda books. Who himself was a fraud.

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  115. thanks Medusa, Knew i'd head that word before.Castenada was a dick, and full of shit. as was your ex it appears

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  116. @Medusa

    lol

    I can't help but laugh at your story! I'm sure you don't mind. Life as a cartoon? Perhaps something from 'Adult Swim'. I'm with you on the wonderful dick sentiment. I'd ask you to tell us more details about all your ex's... but I know you do things your way, and in your own time.

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  117. I guess the fact that crazy women are good fucks goes both ways. He sounds pretty far out there though. You should tell him if he wants to date you it has to be a open relationship and he can't talk.

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  118. Hey UKan, I thought you were supposed to be a badass gangster? But every weekend you're posting your aimless shit on here. Its almost like you dont have a life.

    Rise above that, biatch.

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  119. I'm not a bad ass gangster I don't know where you pulled that up from.

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  120. Good god he was good at the sex thing, though. I sensed a narcissism about it (I'm sure he thinks he's the greatest lover in the world), he was all kinda like "look what I can do!" with some of the stuff he did.

    His personal ad looking for booty (no that's not how I met him) said "I light the fire inside. I'm a mystic and poet in my own right and I like making love on a hot day next to a waterfall".

    I get the feeling he was obsessed with sex to an abnormal extent, bordering on addiction. I think that's his version of love, but he convinces himself it's some kind of "mystical ideal love" crap.

    He has all these huge collages covering his bedroom walls that he made, that was like something a junior high school art student would make, only the photos he used were all erotic and photos of large-breasted women overtaking men, with text bits that said shit like "SUBMIT" and "authenticity is to be appreciated in all it's forms" and new-age stuff like that. He so obsessed with authenticity to the point that it sounded like he was trying to convince himself. Authentic people don't need to tell you that they are authentic.

    For some reason he told me how him and his ex would go to sex clubs, including a new Ron Jeremy one. I thought only fat middle-aged gross swinger people went to those places. My housemate said she went to the Ron Jeremy club once, and she was disgusted by the desperation. This is coming from an ex-stripper who married a 38 year old when she was 16.

    His 7-year ex is the ugliest woman I've ever seen. And I don't like calling anyone ugly. She seriously looks like a man. I've never seen such a manly woman before. It was so bizarre because he's really hot. She seriously looks like a tranny, but she's not, I guess. I'm sure she's a cool gal, though, I don't know her.

    What's the story behind hot men with ugly women? Could it really be that he really loved her? No, I really don't think so, even though they stayed together for 7 years.

    He has a huge teepee in his backyard. I regret never sleeping in it.

    He said he was once setting a teepee up somewhere and his gf was helping, but she had some kind of injury or was ill or something so he told her to stop because her energy is going to fuck everything up. She didn't stop, and something happened and he was all "told you so!"

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  121. He's was a fucking awful kisser, though.

    He seemed to like playing thumb-war with his tongue. Really annoying.

    It felt like mouth-breakdancing or something.

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  122. @Ukan

    its your avatar with all the liitle gangsta guns and your blogger profile background with the balaclava. you knob.

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  123. "I think that's his version of love, but he convinces himself it's some kind of "mystical ideal love" crap."

    Yeah, I watched a documentary about sex addicts once. The kind who wreck their whole lives, to get it every moment they can. The doctor trying to explain it, said just that; it's their version of love.

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  124. who the FUCK would got to a swinger pary organised by Ron Jeremy? Although from what i've seen of swingers, ron jeremy would be considered something of a looker.

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  125. @Eden
    Yes, I think anything we crave,badly, is our version of love.

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  126. His father beat the shit out of him when he was younger. And forced him to take over the family clothing manufacturing business. Said his father was always like "SUBMIT! Submit to me!" which is interesting. Clearly his father was some kind of tyrannical narc.

    Eventually he was hired by a very large shoe company (very well known to punkers out there) to start a jeans line. After a while he realized that the jeans line wasn't ever going to happen, so he got all dressed up in warrior gear and went into his boss's office and yelled "You lied to me! How dare you!" and did some kind of warrior lecture in front of everyone.

    Then he says he later ran into his boss on the street, and he was all in his mystical everyday getup, and the guy was all "I KNEW this was who you are!" like the guy knew he was "special" and totally some warrior with massive amount of integrity.

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  127. My comma's look retarded.


    It is rare to find a man who can kiss.It has to be subtle, like impressionistic painting, not paint thrown on the walls.

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  128. lol

    Okay... I need to hear more about this guy. I love it! He sounds exactly like the guy I know. I wonder what the draw is too being a shaman?

    Is that the new fad?

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  129. Ah Eden, the meeting was classic.

    Our eyes met across a darkened room at a metal show. He was there alone, I was there alone (although I had friends there). Lots of back and forth eyeballing all night.

    I was going to go talk to him, or at least I tried to make it easy for him by sitting at his table, but within a few minutes he handed me a note and left.

    "You have beautiful eyes. Enticing.

    Then I caught a glimpse of the "wedding ring" [it obviously wasn't though I had it on my ring finger].

    Figured you were married. If I was wrong, if you are so inclined, maybe we can meet for a drink or coffee. If you are, give me a call at XXX-XXX-XXXX.

    Peace, G______.

    If you are married then your husband is a very fortunately man."

    He underlined the word "man". So I was like, cool, I guess this guy sees himself and a real "man".

    I subtly used that "man" bit against him when I broke up with him. Because he wasn't one.

    I had actually seen his personals profile before I met him. He was the only one I bookmarked, but I had quit the whole online thing a couple years before (that's how I met the previous junkie dude) so I never wrote, and he seemed like he had the potential for douchery. I never like to do the picking up thing anyway. I let the other person do it.

    But he had long hair and intense Middle Eastern eyes and that was enough.

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  130. i used the 'Im A Shaman' bit too. Never failed.

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  131. It is rare to find a man who can kiss.It has to be subtle, like impressionistic painting, not paint thrown on the walls

    Yes, there needs to be some kind of slow sensuality. It's an art form, much more than sex is in certain ways.

    Stabbing someone's mouth with your tongue is not sensual at all.

    It should be ballet, not a tap dance.

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  132. heya rip

    so what didn't i miss?

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  133. "It should be ballet, not a tap dance."

    Perfect summary. I agree too. Kissing needs to be more sensual.

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  134. His birthday is in two days, on 9/11.

    I'm considering sending him a short note just to make my life more interesting.

    Haven't spoken since the break up.

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  135. Anonymous said...
    Why does an abused person seek out abuse?


    the alternative is to explore strange new worlds and boldly going where you haven't gone before. people hate change.

    or actually, maybe we're programmed to repeat patterns not for some psychological reason due to a complex abusive childhood or what have you, but simply because that's the way the brain functions. you keep repeating thought patterns that got created early in childhood. as you get older only the ones that get repeated the most remain, until there's no thinking actually involved. just reruns. you get the very old people who just repeat the same stories again and again and again. from a survival perspective it makes sense because you want to stick with what works. and so the way of thinking that got you through the first twenty or thirty years of your life is going to be pretty darn hard to let go.

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  136. For some reason he saw me as someone with whom he could share all his insecurities and mid-life crisis problems and shit. I barely knew him. Was the same with the junkie guy, who felt it necessarily to tell me about the people he might have killed and to show me his bullet-wounds and do the "woe is me" play way early on.

    I became the guru to the guru.

    At one point he was all, in a moment of frustration over his life, "I've had so many different personalities..."

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  137. hi medusa, eden, erin and notme. did i miss any ladies :)

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  138. is that really your website Erin? nice pic.

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  139. Thank you,Zoe
    These IP addresses are so scary.You could go to someone's HOUSE with them.
    I would never hurt anyone with this stuff unless they really,really hurt me.

    These are the wildest things I have ever seen.You can zoom in to streets with names.

    Man, technology is going too far lol

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  140. @Medusa

    Does it bother you that he's a nark, or are you just amused?

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  141. not much different than going to a bar and giving out a phone number. the pond is just bigger.

    you don't have much google presence yet

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  142. Looking back at my history, it seems I really like narcs.

    Or rather, they like me. I guess because I look like something.

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  143. I wouldn't say it bothers me, Eden. More amused for sure.

    My ego is bothered that I'm not having sex with him.

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  144. I can be with narcs.

    In fact, before three years ago, I didn't even know what one was. I can honestly say I'd never encountered an NPD, while living in NM.

    It wasn't until I chose to move back to Texas, that I that I had my first experience... and it was so alien to me, I wasn't sure what to think.

    I just couldn't believe someone could seriously think so highly of themselves. I thought it had to be some kind of trick.

    But once I knew what I was up against... it turned my stomach sour, and I just can't do it.
    It's not much fun when the lies are real to them. Kind of like playing make belief with a 5 year old... I'm just no good at it.

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  145. Its the hidden nurturing side I keep trying to tell you that you have medusa I'm telling you. Narcs are little fucking babies and they love strong nurturing women.

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  146. It's not like I don't know it, UKan.

    Funny though because I've never had much of a desire for children.

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  147. That was supposed to be: I can't be with narcs.

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  148. UKan, thanks. I stand corrected that I thought you had nothing to teach me in the past since I was not interested in attacking anyone. While I am not interested in attacking anyone, however, it is very important to me to be able to identify personality types in general but also to peel off anything that is or appears to be narcissistic in my attitude. I want truth in both understanding others and presenting myself. I edited both my question and your response somewhat and will store away what follows to refresh my understanding and questioning once in a while.


    How to identify narcissistic bullshitters:

    I get in constant conflicts with narcisssists in real life. Around when I first came here I asked as a anonymous about a situation I had with someone and what kind of person they were. It was some guy who was pathologically lieing to make himself look like some rockstar.

    This type of person is what my father is, and what almost every enemy I have ever had is.

    I don't like narcissists because they are costly in my business, because it's not about business for them. It's all about how they look and what their appearance is.

    They lie to get out of trouble, con someone, or play games with people. They pathologically lie about who they are so that they add color to their drab life. So that they add worth to their pointless existence. Like my business partner with his fake rolex watch, or his car that 'looks like a bmw'. Or this guy who sat down next to me on my couch at the club and started giving me lip about how much of a big shot he was not knowing who I was.

    I can name them all day long. I despise their weakness. It disgusts me because even though nobody else can see it, I can. I can see the weakness and self loathing in every action they do.

    They constantly need validation and that's the main give away.

    They also for some reason always envy me while at the same time trying to be me which is even more ridiculous because to everyone else they spew nothing but hatred for me.

    Examples in this little website is TNP and Zwaq. TNP and Zwaq both came in with this Good Boy Sociopath shite. As soon as they saw the tone in here get influenced by myself and misanthrope they totally changed up. TNP used to be nice to all the victims. Now he's just yelling at them. Zwaq tried to come out and say he was a violent criminal and rapist.

    The thing is if you are a violent criminal you already know many demons, devils, and saints. I don't know how but I can see who's soft and who is hardened. Just by looking at them, listening to them, or reading their words. It's instinct.

    As far as victims are concerned, well they are easy. I'm drawn to them. I'm always looking for a weakness. If that's all you display, then the rest is a fucking cake walk.

    Another example is David not being able to hold back putting up his picture. I knew he would. The more misanthrope and I taunted how he looked in real life the more he felt he had to put something up to prove us wrong.

    I knew he would give us Erin's info too. Reason being that he tried to side up with us before using Erin as something to unite behind and I told him to get stuffed. He thought if he brought something to the table he would be 'in'.

    Erin fell for his shite because she's ignorant of homosexuals and thinks they are all nice. I guess she thinks sexual preference supercedes psychology which it does not.

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  149. Why did you break with him medusa?

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  150. Because he was trying to cross my bridge without paying the troll toll.

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  151. I enjoyed that Medusa. It's fun when you share.

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  152. whats a troll toll?

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  153. I have a hot body and very verile

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  154. Cool blog. I thought sociopaths were a bunch of psychos. Most you seem kind of normal. Maybe my ex was onto something.

    Your dad sounds like my dad in a lot of ways. He's always playing the high road but doesn't live it. He's told me a lot of baloney stories about his youth that did not seem like him. Deep down he's a lonely loner with a lot of rage. Thats part of why i don't like hanging out with him. What drives me bonkers is when we talk and I come up with an idea and he'll be talking to my mom later or one of his friends and say "I came up with this great idea" when im standing right there. wtf? Try some humility on for size. Throw some credit where its due. Whatever my dads an asshole.

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  155. the alternative is to explore strange new worlds and boldly going where you haven't gone before. people hate change.

    or actually, maybe we're programmed to repeat patterns not for some psychological reason due to a complex abusive childhood or what have you, but simply because that's the way the brain functions. you keep repeating thought patterns that got created early in childhood. as you get older only the ones that get repeated the most remain, until there's no thinking actually involved. just reruns. you get the very old people who just repeat the same stories again and again and again. from a survival perspective it makes sense because you want to stick with what works. and so the way of thinking that got you through the first twenty or thirty years of your life is going to be pretty darn hard to let go.

    Zoe:
    I think the attraction to abuse is so that you can rewrite the end of the story. = You hope that this time, you will simply not get/feel abused, or this time I will be stronger, can take the pain better, this time my heart is harder.

    Somehow it is a compulsion to win back the past.

    Letting go of the past is the win.

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  156. :) Q, your closing sentence sounded very funny (truth...>funny).

    I am not sure if there are any great dads. There is not a single dad that I know who is about nurturing and contributing. It's as if they have to play the role of an asshole to prepare children for real life.

    What would life be like when we step out there had we had 'great' parents? All the randomness and chaos seem to make life more interesting, somehow. If there are anyone to blame for the general malaise it is those who pointed out to ideals as if those should be the underlying assumptions and expectations.

    We all are screwed up in our expectations in one way or another and the majority of them are the societal bullshit as opposed to the expectations we would have had we born on a memoryless island.

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  157. Haha ok professor sceli. Man i dont usually think about shit like that unless im high but i know some pretty chill dads. They arent all compulsive lying ass holes.

    I dont really see what your talking about with great parents. You talking about being home schooled or something? I went out and did stuff with friends growing up so i dont think it would have mattered.

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  158. Do women and men mean the same thing when they say its all purely driven by sex? Why dark tunnels, threats of danger and violence if its all just about that shot of serotonin, dopamine and Phenylethylamine to the brain?

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  159. It would be music to my ears if I read some cool parent stories.

    I am not talking about homeschooling. I am talking about parents you can't have enough of. Parents who don't try to raise you to their own liking but to understanding what you are about and catering some cool life style that fits your needs without giving up general ethics, physical/financial care, etc.

    I loved playing games and traveling with my dad, for example. But he was also a short-tempered ass-hole at home, and still can be. That's why I don't appreciate people barking. I like people who can talk about anything deep and wide without losing their cool and calm. People who can take any questioning without getting offended or freaking out. I'm no where at that point yet, but sure am going that way in a very determined way.

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  160. Ukan says narcissists "constantly need validation and that's the main give away."

    I read somewhere that a baby always looks at their parents for approval. It is their first cue for HEALTHY narcissism.

    Therapists ask you always "does it matter what I think?" It should not. But they are looking at you disapprovingly.

    Why don't therapists talk about this?

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  161. When I hear a woman say she was very sexual and active right from childhood (Eden being one) accompanied by a fact that it wasn't until years later that they learned to achieve orgasm (again Eden being one) I sure am at a loss.

    Sex without an orgasm is only a torture.

    Perfect for submissive and ready-to-be-abused types.

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  162. Sceli, I don't think abuse and submission have to do with orgasm.

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  163. One of my friends has a cool dad. We all get together at there house a few times a week and chill. Swim in the pool, play billiards, drink, whatever man. He's not one of those dads trying to live through his kids either. He's just some old retired dude that likes spending time with his family and there friends.

    I still dont like spending time with my dad. It feels like a chore or a punishment. He's just a pain in the ass to deal with. Such a baby or an asshole about everything. Every time he opens his mouth in public with a stranger its like fuck what's he gonna say now. I guess i shouldn't be talking shit about my dad cuz hes my dad but im tired and and i dont give a shit right now.

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  164. It is in your best interest not to talk shit about him to someone in person. People basically judge you for running against your own family really quickly, not necessarily believing what you are saying. Plus, what good it does to weaken the family against outsiders. BUT, it is good to see your family members for who they are and discuss in forums like this.

    You really don't know if that dad is an all-around great dad. It is great that he can be a fun friend without overdoing it but it is when the family is all alone the truth appears. All my friends always thought my parents were the coolest. Maybe they were sufficient for my friends' needs. I wanted more in terms of mental connection.

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  165. Bella, I said lack of orgasm is acceptable for those who are submissive and prone for abuse. Turning the sentence around does not follow. Are you the anon I asked earlier studied logic much?

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  166. No, I'm not that anon with the logic problem.

    Oh, I didn't get what you were saying about orgasm. Now I get it.

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  167. Ya I get it. Maybe he is secretly like some child molesting wife beating communist with a subscription to playgirl. That would be pretty fucked up lol. I dont think hes fucked up. My friend would have said something by now. I can usually pick out creepers from a crowd and this guy is all fucking nice happy teddy bear when hes drunk so i doubt hes anything but chill.

    People judge yeah. I judge. I mean like i know you aren't supposed to but why? Why cant i try and figure out who and what you are? I don't see anything wrong with that. If i was all non judgmental... dude i would have been fucked over so many times.

    I like most of my family but my dad is a dick. And he thinks no one else notices it like hes some fucking illusionist. Anyone who spends time with him finds out what hes really like pretty fast. I can tell that they dont want it to be true so they just keep up the act like they dont notice or they just swear him off like a bad habit.

    Im going to bed professor sceli. Catch ya later.

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  168. It would be music to my ears if I read some cool parent stories.

    My friend's Mom used to smoke pot with us, taught us how to use tampons and put on makeup. Yeah , the pot thing is weird and she is a BIT fucked up. But she taught us things realistically. There was no babying, shielding from the truth, patronizing. You could really talk to her. They dated bothers!

    Her daughter is a fantastic Mother. And they still smoke pot together. (-Not the grandkids)

    Ok not very "motherly" but her kid turned out very healthy

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  169. What on this planet doesn't have to cope with trauma apart from plastic flowers? It's the skill of overcoming the effects of damage that imbues value to the person. That's why this is so sought after as a prestigious status. A vicious cycle of 'qualifying and disqualifying'. People and Institutions that feels compelled to share such skills freely to even out the 'value' gap, are instinctive attacked or ostracized to preserve this gap. That's more a feature of our Darwinian side rather than anything enlightened.

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  170. What do you mean by 'value' gap?

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  171. What did you do to attract your shaman? Appeal to his compulsion to be a healer?

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  172. are you talking to me, sceli? Or is Medusa here too?

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  173. This just hit me:

    The last couple of days we've been very preoccupied with Puzelle, who turned out to be an aspie instead of a psychopath, like she had always claimed to be (start reading her blog with this knowledge and suddenly it's really fucking obvious that she's an aspie)

    The day after, we get a double post (for the very first time, no less): one sociopath-ish quote (with a picture, so obviously prepared beforehand) and one about apologizing (without picture, but with a song). The order of the posts gets reversed after awhile, so now the one saying: I'm sorry is at the top of the page.

    Now, I'm probably reading faaaaaaar too much into this. I realize that the above means absolutely nothing. I just want everyone to know that, if the next post says: "I'm sorry, I'm an aspie too." I fucking called it.

    Good! Thanks for listening. Oh, one last thing: vegetarian chicken nuggets. :)

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  174. "start reading her blog with this knowledge and suddenly it's really fucking obvious that she's an aspie"

    SO true

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  175. ? Bella, when I am talking to someone it is quite obvious. Are you suggesting that you think one of the anons is me? Well, it isn't. The brainy sounding anon at 2:24 is new, and I am not clear what s/he is referring to when s/he defines value gap.

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  176. Can someone please do a quick summary of how to identify an aspie?

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  177. For example:

    The way she says 'the Truth' and 'the Dark'. I assumed she was German because of this (in German you have to capitalize nouns), but that seems really aspie as well.

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  178. That was @Anon 3:13.

    @Sceli

    Not getting sarcasm/irony is one. Puzelle actually labelled sarcastic/ironic posts as such.

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  179. I read some on my own question. Sounds like clear social issues are a must. So, instead of socializing normally with people Zhawq prefers pretending to be a psychopath on SW. Has reduced down her interactions to computers.

    This could happen to anyone who feels inept for social interaction at the level s/he is used to or targeting. Meaning a narcissist who steadily gains weight could choose to lock herself at home and stay online instead of dealing with her fat/ugly self (in her eyes) amongst people.

    My point is I am not following what makes Zhawq aspie altogether. She sounds like a consciously unhappy person who wished she was a psychopath.

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  180. THere is a side of me that makes me wonder if I have aspie traits. One is my tendency to take things literally. Unless I know a person and her/his sense of humor I go by literal understanding of any statement and have been warned to have failed sarcasm/irony, etc.

    Another is being very very shy until 19 with strangers. I fought the darn thing and eliminated all butterflies, and now I can't even feel any darn butterflies. It is better to feel some when called for, I have none. I guess it is fair to say I numbed it all as opposed to finding a healthy level.

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  181. value gap = the gap between what is valued and what is not?

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  182. I think that everyone has moments of not getting the joke/sarcasm/irony.

    I used to think I was shy, but that had more to do with the fact I never actually tried to be socially acceptable. I'm pretty good at it now. ^.^

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  183. I was commenting on medusa'a posts from an earlier time about damaged people whose existence are apparently devalued and retarded by the wounds bad experiences.

    I am not convinced either by the argument that such, are flaws and should be hidden or diverted by taking a completely opposite stance or, for crippling self loathing and humility as a badge of honour and self acceptance.

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  184. Gap typically is the difference between the target level and the reality. No idea what it is in the used context though.

    Wheatley, now you make me think. It is true that I really did not try to be socially acceptable with strangers up until 19. I had a very large circle of friends and family around me, and I was a very popular kid (way above socially acceptable when it came to friends and family). After 19 I was in a way forced to interact with people I couldn't care less for professional reasons and started to feel a sense of pressure to mask (unsuccessfully, I'm very blunt/harsh with truth) my true feelings about them. Yikes... This whole masking training on SW is really good for me.

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  185. The more I dig into why I couldn't understand the need to be socially acceptable, the more I see how it seems to be rooted to my innate rejection or dissonance of anything that enables subjective empowerment. Which in my mind, contradicts with the notion of being social.

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  186. The need to be socially acceptable could only become conscious if

    1. You would be forced to doing things you wouldn't want to under the premise that society/friends/family would not accept you as you are.

    2. You would not want to be doing what is asked of you and feeling uncomfortable because of either forced doing (experiencing loss of control) or rejecting (potential feeling of guilt).


    Tough shit whichever way it happens. One way to solve this is to find a society where the issue does not exist. I suggest SW, lol.

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  187. September 7, 2011 8:39 PM;

    What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger: No it doesn't. So far from what I've seen; it just causes people to build more walls to keep life out. It makes them fear more, believe in less; and worst of all... it builds a tolerance for stress and drama!

    People are not getting stronger because of what they've been through!!! They are just becoming bigger babies. "My heart's been broken... My heart's been broken!" Do you know how many times I've heard that? So fucking what??!

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  188. I wrote a long post and lost it.
    Subtext is the ability to intuit what is going on below the surface.

    All humor is based on subtext. Subtext is what is really happening.

    The Aspies are low in picking up subtext.That is why they seem dorky.
    I think that most PD's are low in subtext except Socio's who are very high in it.

    That is why Socio's have an outstanding sense of humor.

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