Sunday, April 3, 2016

Needing things to go a particular way

A reader asks me about this selection written by another reader that I featured in a recent post: "I have learned that with happiness, comes sadness... and to not block either emotion. Emotions are like yin and yang and you cannot have one without the other."

I had heard that one before, and I'd absolutely disagree with the yin and yang portion. I've had the, opinion, that feelings are without meaning and importance, but the positive ones feel good so I focus in on them, and the negative ones don't feel good so I think my way out of them as much as possible. If we are to maximize pleasure and minimize pain, that system seems to be the most efficient. Or maybe that's what I do because of the general lack of good stuff in my life for right now and the following few months due to the responsibilities and obligations that come with having future goals, as well as the anxiety of the ambiguity my future holds.
What's your approach to feelings currently, every-other-week therapy person? (Asks a rather depressed reader, I guess.)

And by the way, the way you tagged the Bill Burr video surprised me. You can probably easily see that he is not at all an actual sociopath, far from it actually. 
Anthony Jeselnik is probably the only sociopath comedian I know of, if he is one. He's at least as 'sociopathic' as I am, and openly calls himself one at occasions. You'd probably enjoy him if you haven't heard yet. (Spotify/Netflix)

My response:

Ha, for whatever reason I am bad at detecting sarcasm. I didn't really know who Anthony Jeselnik was before you mentioned him, except I was vaguely aware he dated Amy Schumer. I could see sociopath, and he's the type that also probably likes to see the sociopath in others as well.

As to the second part, I don't think you really can think your way out of negative emotions. I think you can avoid them, but they kind of stay there? Like no rational person would think that you can just ignore having to file your taxes and that by you ignoring it, the obligation to file your taxes would disappear too. I don't know why exactly this magical thinking is easy to believe with regard to emotions. Maybe it's possible to never notice an emotion, like those women who don't feel fear (http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2013-02/researchers-scare-pants-previously-fearful-patients), but even with those people, it appears that their body registers the emotion, and some place in their brain does, just not their conscious selves.

Have you ever remembered a situation associated with a negative emotion and felt the emotion again? If not, maybe you're much better at eliminating negative emotions than I am, but my guess is also no if you're depressed. If yes, this suggests again to me that ignoring the negative emotion does not actually eliminate it, but rather just forces it deeper into the subconscious, but still very active and possibly affecting everything you do.

For me, my every other week therapy approach has been to change the beliefs underlying a lot of my emotions. My most common belief along those lines was "I need things to be a particular way to [feel good]" Feel good could have meant a lot of more specific things over my lifetime -- feel happy, or feel satisfied, or get good sleep, or whatever. And then if you're this way and if things don't go that particular way, you not only don't feel good, you feel like you don't control your life and maybe even that no matter what you do you won't ever be able to ensure that you'll live a life of feeling good more often than not. And you're right in a way, because no one can guarantee or ensure that things will go a particular way. But if you learn to feel good without things going a particular way, that's a trick worth learning.

43 comments:

  1. Second!!!

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your response makes good sense ME.

    My additional learning from the past twelve months is that 'bad' feelings are messengers. Rather than suppressing them - which can transmit a tightness to the body - letting their energy flow right through brings release. And not only release, but information about what, deep down, you want to do about a situation.

    The process is like "facing your fears". Just being present with the feeling, making space for it. Because after all, this is something your self is generating. It's worthy of your welcome.

    I feel, then, as though I am allowing the impossible to change me. There's a kind of euphoria in that... But it is naturally balanced because it is a kind of work too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. More people need to be on http://sociopath-community.com/

    !!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently (relates to kiwifar.ms drama: https://archive.is/M2tXa) that will go down in the forum's history! Be sure to check out http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/ too, as some of its regulars are regulars on SC too!

    Goddamn ME refused to reconnect the blog to the forum so we SC goers will just have to spam advertisements for the forum in the comments section. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. M.E.-regarding your statement:

    "Ha, for whatever reason I am bad at detecting sarcasm."

    I believe my husband is a sociopath, and he is also "bad at detecting sarcasm".

    The irony is, that I have a very sarcastic sense of humor.:)

    To think of all my "joking", that he has taken "literally"...

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  5. "If yes, this suggests again to me that ignoring the negative emotion does not actually eliminate it, but rather just forces it deeper into the subconscious, but still very active and possibly affecting everything you do."

    I agree with everything M.E. said and this especially. I would just add that re-writing reality in your own mind doesn't remove the truth from your subconscious - it just removes it from your conscious self. You keep piling up the truth deep down and that requires more and more lying to oneself and to others to maintain. Gradually you get MORE sociopathic - you must in order to maintain yourself.

    It takes courage and strength to face the truth (especially when the truth includes you doing some rather unpleasant things to others), change your ways, repent and come back to reality and it shows in people who do - they usually end up doing amazing things when they come back to the real world. The relief and renewed sense of life drives these people to do wonders. Needless to say those who don't own up and love their degraded selves so much that they consider it beneath them to face reality - well we all (the sane ones) know what happens with them too. They enjoy a long, playful delusion until the time comes when it all breaks down - and it ALWAYS breaks down.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel your pain, Joanie! It must be really hard being a self-deluded narc, constantly narcissistically lashing out, shaming and undermining everyone around you, giving "advices" which are actually full of false preconceptions and half-truths... Oh heavens, what a horrible fate hath befallen such an individual as you!

      Your comment may look "deep" on the surface, but what it actually is is just another shallow comment full of preconceptions, designed to undermine and covertly shame behaviors you do not like and narcissistically elevate yourself as "morally good and superior". Oh well, some people are just too prejudiced and biased :-)

      Fight it, J! It does not have to be this horrible, you do not have to be a big fake and a liar like this, you just need to gather the courage inside and recognize the truth! We'll get you through this dark path you have unvittingly chosen - it is not your fault! Stop deluding yourself and listening to Jinns! You do not need Jinn's aid, Jinnaid!
      XD

      Delete
    2. Oops!!! Replied in the wrong spot-here it is again:

      Socioempath-

      "Jinnaid"-I LIKE THAT!!!

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      You always come up with the best stuff.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. Socioempath-

      You are more than welcome, for the kind words!!!

      Yes, I'm your "sincere reader".:)

      You're not calling me "Vegas" today???

      Today I get a song, and some tongue.:)

      THAT'S AWESOME!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  6. Socioempath-

    "Jinnaid"-I LIKE THAT!!!

    HA!!! LOL!!!

    You always come up with the best stuff.:)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  7. Regarding M.E.'s tweet:

    "if you allow people or events to anger you to the point that you remain bitter, those people and events are in fact controlling you"...

    SO TRUE!!!

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  8. M.E.-regarding your other tweet:

    "research suggests that psychopathic kids do better in shitty homes than non because they don't spend time feeling bad about the bad things"...

    "shitty homes"-M.E. YOU ARE SASSY TODAY!!!

    I don't think I've seen you use a "swear word" yet.:)

    HA!!! LOL!!!

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was thinking about the above tweet.

      I agree that psychopathic kids in a "shitty home", would do better emotionally-at least initially.

      In general, I believe anyone can let their enviornments do 1 of 2 things:

      1. You can allow it to make you weaker.
      2. You can use it to make you stronger.

      PS-Spending time feeling bad about the bad things, is definitely a waste of time, energy-life...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. Apparently some might consider my childhood "shitty"; Living on a single mother's income, neglection, abuse... my brother. My brother is a rather interesting character. A more clichéd psychopath for being a serial killer of domesticated animals and having violent tendencies. He put me through various kinds of abuse, and it was his tendency towards violence that led me to being excessively hit on the head and having an immediate seizure.

      I don't ruminate upon my childhood all too much, it has little relevance to what is happening now in my life and what may come in the future.

      ESTP Sociopath

      Delete
  9. In the name of God, The Merciful, The Compassionate.

    "Most surely man is ungrateful to his Lord.

    And most surely he is a witness unto that;

    And most surely he is tenacious in the love of wealth.

    Does he not know that when the contents of the graves are poured forth

    And the secrets of the breasts are made known,

    On that day will their Lord be perfectly informed concerning them."

    Qur'an 100: 6-11

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does one not see how thou hath fallen into thy abyss of thee deceitful, and duplicitous?

      How horrible and perverted must one be to even dare harbour a thought, the unfathomable thought of desecration of the holy writings of one's own faith, whose only purpose concerns furtherment of personal agendas, just because one is concerned only with power and good publicity!

      Beware the false prophets, the Jinnaids of the world, for they have fallen into a dark pit of the unholy ones, and their sermons are nothing more than the will of the dark lord and his minions!

      Stop desecrating that poor book of yours, Jinnaid, you duplicitous manipulator! For that heinous act is the height of Jinnery, and should you continue to listen to the dark whispers of your buddies, the unholy minions, God will strike you down with all his holy might, and you shall forever burn in eternal torment, for there is no place in God's plan for false prophets misusing His word for their own twisted purposes!

      :-)

      Delete
    2. Well said I agree with everything you wrote here except of course the accusation that I'm using the Truth for an ill-intended purpose.

      There's a saying attributed to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) which says something to the effect of:

      A good heart by default sees the good in people and assumes good intentions whereas a diseased heart by default sees sinister intentions in others.

      Delete
    3. A similar narration is attributed to Jesus in the Islamic tradition.

      Jesus comes across a hideous, foul smelling dog. Some people passing by say "What a horrible stench this dog has." Jesus says "what beautiful white teeth it has."

      I should add: even IF everything I'm doing and saying is for an ill-agenda, that just says a lot about me and nothing about what I say. The Truth is not contingent on my affirming it nor my abiding by it.

      Peace.

      Delete
    4. This is helpful in clearing up some misconceptions about women in Islam:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQQCAxv-6WI

      Delete
    5. Your disagreement does not matter - the Truth is that you are using the Truth for an ill-intended purpose!

      A good heart by default sees the good in people and assumes good intentions whereas a diseased heart by default sees sinister intentions in others.
      Then your heart is diseased!

      I should add: even IF everything I'm doing and saying is for an ill-agenda, that just says a lot about me and nothing about what I say. The Truth is not contingent on my affirming it nor my abiding by it.
      You see: you are already excusing your own behavior; oh how the Jinn are insidiously acting through you! The Truth and the Message is that the Message and the Truth you preach bears the taint of your despicable mindset and behavior, thus invalidating the Truth and the Message as you bend their purposes for your own purposes! The Truth and the Message must come from a good, clean heart, for only then it shall be genuine, untainted!

      Look what your dark buddies are doing to you! The Jinn have so insidiously, subtly, turned you into their willing pawn!
      I will pray for you, Jinnaid, you poor, lost soul. I hope you find your salvation before you are called out of this world and the Lord judges you, for if you do not, you shall have your wish and join your dark buddies forever!

      XD

      Delete
    6. Hahaha! "Misconceptions"? Tell that to the Saudi woman who isn't permitted to leave her home unaccompanied by a male escort, nor even possess a driver's license. To the little girl who is deprived of her childhood because some religious fanatic hacks off her clitoris, before she is forced to marry some perverted old fuck old enough to be her grandfather.

      Look. I am well-aware that there are western moderates who don't advocate for this bullshit, but the *FACT* of the matter is that this is the status quo in many Islamic countries because *THAT* is the example your so-called "prophet" set.

      And you would lecture me on morality. In his name! LOL

      "A good heart by default sees the good in people and assumes good intentions whereas a diseased heart by default sees sinister intentions in others."

      Ooh wow. You make this soo easy, Joanie baby. :)

      Are you seriously that oblivious?

      By your own admission, your own heart is diseased, because you are *obsessively* focused on the sinister intent of others toward you on this blog! You haven't stopped demonizing and dehumanizing everyone since you first arrived to save us all. XD

      "The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?" Jer 17:9

      Delete
    7. I saw Malala Yousafzai, in an interview. She is a young Pakistani woman, who is an activist for female education.

      The Taliban shot her on a bus, but she didn't let that stop her!!!

      I want to read her book, "I Am Malala", and see the movie, too!!!

      She is the youngest person, to be a Nobel Prize Laureate.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    8. Jonaid-

      Would you like to share your thoughts, about the Taliban???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    9. Jonaid-

      While your at it, would you also like to share your thoughts, about ISIS???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    10. Jonaid-

      How about HAMAS???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    11. Jonaid-

      Hizballa???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    12. Jonaid-

      Al Qaeda???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    13. Jonaid-

      IG???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    14. Jonaid-

      PIJ???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    15. Jonaid-

      I could keep going, but I won't, since there are dozens...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    16. There are more than a dozen such groups and yet altogether they don't make up even 1% of the global Muslim population.

      As for Saudi - it represents less than 2% of the world's Muslims and is the only country (out of 50+ Muslim-majority nations) which prevents women from driving. Had it not been for Western support of the Saudi royal family and (be extension) their gang of religious frauds, Salafism (the extremist, literalist strand of Islam) would be almost unheard of.

      Delete
    17. A *minority* of Muslims disagreed entirely with terror attacks on American troops.

      About half of those opposed to attacking Americans were sympathetic with al-Qaeda’s attitude toward the U.S.
      http://www.worldpublicopinion.org/pipa/pdf/feb09/STARTII_Feb09_rpt.pdf

      World Public Opinion (2009): 30% of Palestinians support attacks on American civilians working in Muslim countries. 24% support the murder of Americans on U.S. soil.

      Only 74% of Turks and 55% of Pakistanis disapprove of terror attacks against civilians on U.S. soil.
      http://www.worldpublicopinion.org/pipa/pdf/feb09/STARTII_Feb09_rpt.pdf

      Pew Research (2010):

      55% of Jordanians have a positive view of Hezbollah
      30% of Egyptians have a positive view of Hezbollah
      45% of Nigerian Muslims have a positive view of Hezbollah (26% negative)
      43% of Indonesians have a positive view of Hezbollah (30% negative)
      http://pewglobal.org/2010/12/02/muslims-around-the-world-divided-on-hamas-and-hezbollah/

      Pew Research (2010): 60% of Jordanians have a positive view of Hamas (34% negative).

      49% of Egyptians have a positive view of Hamas (48% negative)

      49% of Nigerian Muslims have a positive view of Hamas (25% negative)
      39% of Indonesians have a positive view of Hamas (33% negative)

      http://pewglobal.org/2010/12/02/muslims-around-the-world-divided-on-hamas-and-hezbollah/

      Pew Research (2010): 15% of Indonesians believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified.
      34% of Nigerian Muslims believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified.

      http://pewglobal.org/2010/12/02/muslims-around-the-world-divided-on-hamas-and-hezbollah/

      Delete
    18. ...religious frauds...
      ...extremist...

      And for the third strike: denouncing of those "minority terrorist extremists".

      Ha! Called it! :D

      Delete
    19. So much for the statistic you pulled out of your ass, Joanie.

      I posted plenty more, but they keep disappearing. ME never used to censor or delete posts, now I cant help but wonder.

      Anyway, typical that you should blame the West for the actions of terrorists, and not the example set by your marauding, raping, pillaging, beheading, crucifiying paedophile of a "prophet". :P

      Delete
    20. North has suggested some time ago to break up comments in multiple parts, and apparently it seems to solve the problem of disappearing comments. It may also depend on the browser, though.

      Maybe a single link is causing the spam filter (if it is implemented) to delete it?

      Delete
    21. Don't know, that is quite possible. It got deleted again.

      But it doesn't matter. The first group of links is sufficient to make my point amply clear. :)

      Delete
    22. Maybe... Maybe it is a sign!

      It must be! It is a sign of Jinnaid calling the Jinns for help! Gasp!

      Look at you, Jinnaid! Once again, you rely on the unfair "help" of your dark buddies! How unfathomably immoral and evil of you! :D

      Delete
    23. "I posted plenty more, but they keep disappearing. ME never used to censor or delete posts, now I cant help but wonder."

      I don't think ME is doing anything. A while ago my posts would disappear right after I posted them. It turned out it was because I was blocking 3rd party cookies.

      Delete
  10. My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. Three days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. This is his E-mail: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com .

    ReplyDelete
  11. My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. Three days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. This is his E-mail: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com .

    ReplyDelete
  12. fix your marriage and relationship after a divorce or breakup right now no matter how hopeless your situation seems.
    My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. Three days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works fast, I suggest you contact Dr Unity. He will not disappoint you. mail him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or contact him through his mobile number number : +2348072370762.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi, I am a USA citizen, am here to testify how i got my Ex back with the help of this God-sent called Dr Unity for the great things he has done in my life.. First of all i want to thank mareen for the post she made on how Dr Unity helped her in bringing back her lover. At first when i saw the posting i was so happy and in the other hand so scared,That this might not be real, Then i decided to give it a try in which i contacted Dr Unity and told him how my lover left me for another lady for the past 3years and i have been lonely and depressed without him,So i asked him if he has helped anyone called mareen and he said yes, that was the lady he helped in bringing back her lover. I said good and i told him that if he can help me in bringing back my own lover,He laughed and said once i have contacted him that my problem will be solved.He said that my lover will be back to me within 48hours, Truly when the 48hours was completed i got a text from someone saying am sorry, then i decided to call the number i saw it was my lover Steve voice.i was so happy he was begging me and crying on phone, That he is ready to do anything that will make me happy in life,So i told him to come over which he did,As he was coming he came with a brand new Car as gift. i am so happy today with the help of Dr Unity. He has proven to me that he is not going to leave me for another lady again and stay with me forever, Am so happy today and am also thanking mareen for posting this early.Dr Unity you are truly a man of your word. He can also any kind of sickness and he can solve any kind of problems in this world. Friends i believe Dr Unity is a man to trust and believe on. You don't need to cry anymore Dr Unity has been sent to clean our tears you can contact him on his Email: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or cell phone +2348072370762.

    ReplyDelete

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