Thursday, April 7, 2016

Favorite masks

A reader asks which of my masks do I enjoy wearing the most:

I've been reading your blog since about 4 years now and it helped me to understand myself more. I'm now 17 years old and recently took a look at the different roles I've played so far. And I kinda figured out my favourite one.

When I identify someone as an Über-Empath, I get close to them to tell them my dirty little secret. Extra trust points for me. I'm a sociopath, you know. But don't tell anyone, because people are soooo prejudiced and it's so horrible to always hide. In Germany, the prejudice-card is like a royal flush in poker. You'll win everyone over. They always keep their mouths shut. Then I play the "good sociopath". Yes, I can read people, I can manipulate them, but I want to use that gift for good, make everyone feel better because I, the great hero can see what bothers them. But this darkness inside me is so damaging, c'mon pity me. I didn't choose this.

Oh, the tragic anti-hero. The good sociopath. It's so cute, how they believe in what they say. "No, you're not a monster, I know you. It's not your fault that your brain is wired different. Let me hug you, my brave little soldier."

Another role is the tortured artist. I'm so depressed, so damaged. Pity me. Love me. And I can do whatever I want, because "I didn't mean it, I'm mentally ill, I'm so sorry". Of course, this got me in a bit of trouble, cause tortured artists need therapy. One fucking therapist noticed my sociopathic side. But things are going well, I'll fuck up their diagnosis. Some signs of bipolar here, a little borderline there, with some other symptomes of this and that and they won't be able to puzzle anything together, but everything will suit my good old tortured artist. Messing with therapists is kinda funny.

As for other roles, I have a genius, sophisticated, well-mannered character and then well, my flexible one, always at the beginning, miss Charming.

Do you have any preferred roles? I'd love to see something like that on your blog. You may refer to me as Umbra.

My reply:

I've gotten away from roles in the past year or two. I'm not playing roles because I'm not thinking of people's reactions or manipulating them or even really calculating outcomes or consequences to the things that I do and say. But I'm trying to think what my favorite ones were. I had a charming one for social occasions that was pretty good, but sometimes it took a life of its own and turned into what my friend called "the hulk", presumably because at a certain point it was as if I couldn't control it and everything seemed sort of outsized and bizarre to any onlookers. Once I tried "perfect couple" role. There was a guy that was just the right sort of American boy charm, just the perfect tall but not too much taller than I was, and with enough hair and face contrasts that we really complimented each other. More than that, I think we looked different enough that we didn't seem like we were narcissists dating another version of ourselves, like perfect romantic comedy opposites attract (but not too opposite, just charmingly different). I was surprised how much fun that one was to play. I like unassuming genius too, I probably play this one the most still, because whenever you're smart people sort of demand that you act unassuming about it (particularly if you're a woman and particularly if you're not an actual genius like a Marie Curie type but just a bumbling otherwise relatively normal looking and acting person). You know, although I don't try to consciously play roles anymore, it's interesting to see how much of each role still manifests itself in my behavior. I think that means that there's less made-up fiction in each of my roles than I would have thought at the time. More real me than I would have imagined at the time.

51 comments:

  1. Oh, man-you beat me!!!

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, man-I sure did!!!

      But you gotta - Fight On!

      ;-)

      Delete
    2. Socioempath-

      Yes, you did, but I will "Fight On!".:)

      Thank you, for the song!!!

      I LOVED IT!!!

      I know I keep saying it, but that is my new "favorite song", you've given me.:)

      You're being "extra sweet" today.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. Socioempath-

      PS-Did XK say "Sorry, Mr." to you, in Polish???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. I don't know polish, but I am guessing it meant something along the lines of "excuse me".

      Delete
    5. Socioempath-

      On the "language topic", I was thinking-

      If you and XK want to, you could have "Words/Phrases Of The Day", and teach us a little of your language(s)...

      If A learns Hebrew, she could share, too!!!

      If anyone else speaks a language other than English and would like to share, they could, too!!!

      I THINK THAT WOULD BE FUN!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    6. I also found myself purposely constructing roles less often as I have become more aware and accepting of who I am.
      However, I feel like it's more reflexive that's why, I don't need to lie or be someone I'm not, but still automatically tailor all the details to each interaction or situation. I'm calm smooth, well spoken and deceptively intelligent in professional settings, but when the party monster gets loose. It's insane.

      Thanks for sharing everyone.

      Delete
    7. "you could have "Words/Phrases Of The Day", and teach us a little of your language(s)..."

      je ne pense pas

      XK

      Delete
    8. XK-

      Ok-it was just a thought.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  2. A-

    I just got some bath salts, and I didn't realize this when I bought them, but guess what the main ingredient is???

    Dead Sea Salts!!!

    WOO-HOO!!! SO COOL!!!

    That will work, until I'm able to swim in The Dead Sea.:)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  3. More people need to be on http://sociopath-community.com/

    !!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently (relates to kiwifar.ms drama: https://archive.is/M2tXa) that will go down in the forum's history! Be sure to check out http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/ too, as some of its regulars are regulars on SC too!

    Goddamn ME refused to reconnect the blog to the forum so we SC goers will just have to spam advertisements for the forum in the comments section. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I tried to check it out. It's not even mobile friendly! Won't load on safari properly.

      If it's actually an active community I'll check it out later.

      Delete
  4. My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. Three days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. This is his E-mail: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com .

    ReplyDelete
  5. Someone who claims to be following the blog for 4 years, is now 17, and claims to be a sociopath. I seriously doubt a 17 year old in this culture knows what he is and this one apparently knew he was sociopathic when he was 13.

    There is no such thing as a "good sociopath." Don't get me wrong: you can be a good person who happens to have sociopathic traits but that requires that you 1) not like doing & being sociopathic, 2) are putting in some effort at least to undo the sociopathy. You cannot knowingly call yourself a "good sociopath." That's like saying "I'm a good person who likes to do bad things."

    If this kid is for real, tell them to play a new role: be yourself and try honesty for a change. God will not let your effort go to waste.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should add:

      It says a lot about you if you're "playing" a "tortured artist." Only the lowest of the low stoop to this kind of behavior because what you end up doing - knowingly or not - is cheapening the real suffering of real people who are actually going thru, or have gone thru, real struggles in their lives. It also shows that life has been too good to you and that you really have no experience whatsoever with real struggle (no one who has suffered in any way would or could feign that for material gain).

      Delete
    2. Oh. My. God!

      I literally cannot believe my own eyes!!!
      How can you be so callous? Can you not see what the dark lord is doing to you?

      Every time I see your writings, the lower and lower you sink to towards the false light of the unsavory demise!
      It says a lot about you, as a person! Only the lowest, most fat-witted souls thread the path your thread!

      You can still save yourself! Reject the false unholy teachings you follow, and choose life, for otherwise you shall find only misery and demise at the end! You may enjoy it now, but wait and see where it shall all take you when the time comes!

      :-)

      Delete
    3. "There is no such thing as a "good sociopath." Don't get me wrong: you can be a good person who happens to have sociopathic traits but that requires that you 1) not like doing & being sociopathic, 2) are putting in some effort at least to undo the sociopathy. You cannot knowingly call yourself a "good sociopath." That's like saying "I'm a good person who likes to do bad things."

      be yourself and try honesty for a change. God will not let your effort go to waste.

      It says a lot about you if you're "playing" a "tortured artist." Only the lowest of the low stoop to this kind of behavior because what you end up doing - knowingly or not - is cheapening the real suffering of real people who are actually going thru, or have gone thru, real struggles in their lives. It also shows that life has been too good to you and that you really have no experience whatsoever with real struggle"

      Bizarre. This poster is writing his own biography in a public forum and he doesn't even get that. Self-loathing and self-denial for all the world to see. Wow. Keep it coming. Let everyone watch your struggles to convince - yourself.

      Delete
    4. You almost lost me at god.
      However.
      Please give yourself a name.

      Delete
    5. Jonaid-

      Why are there SO MANY MUSLIM TERRORIST GROUPS???

      GO MALALA!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    6. In Paris, journalists were murdered recently because their magazine was rude about Islam.

      The woman whose blog this is has a known identity. Unlike most posters here.

      Any site mentioning terrorism/Islam/jihad will be monitored as a matter of course.

      Worst case scenario, it could draw the attention of Daesh onto her.

      Best case scenario, the NSA come knocking on your door one day.

      Chill.

      Delete
    7. Jonaid: You are forgetting that you are dealing with sociopaths here. I don't think there is a point in shaming them, other maybe the insults - if they perceive them as that. I also would wonder about the definition of a 13 - 17 year old that defines himself as a sociopath. There is a placebo effect in defining yourself, which may create a real or simulated response regardless of what is true. Remember that people do actually get physically ill if they believe they are ill, called the nocebo effect (opposite of placebo). This may very well be the case. On the other hand, he is reflected upon the roles he plays in life. We all play roles, but most normal people don't do it in a effort to manipulate to a goal or hurt others (destroy them for fun). His text makes me wonder if he knows that most of us really are aware of the roles we play. On the other hand again, there are plenty of people who are not aware of their inner workings and follow blindly both the roles they acquire in life and the defined roles for others. For instance, Hitler had a defined role that people believed in. Most people did not wonder what it would be like if he was a milk maid instead, which id perfectly possible for the exact same man - but with a different outcome.

      Delete
    8. I would like to add that I think it is hilarious how stupid many therapists are. They actually believe they are doing science. They so very much want to help you, that they will believe any science fiction you serve them. It is a sad fact.

      Delete
    9. Thank you for your concern. I speak about sociopathy / Psychopathy as a phenomenon and try to avoid individual insults. Nonetheless, it's okay I fear God who's in control - speaking honestly isn't something one should compromise on due to fear of people.

      Delete
    10. speaking honestly

      LOL! :D

      If you speak honestly then I am Buddha reincarnated :-)

      Delete
    11. "isn't something one should compromise on due to fear of people."

      That was not the point made. Consider having a fear FOR another person, who could be put at risk due to someone else's overly reckless or incendiary speech against a religion (that is the target of world-wide anti-terrorism surveillance).


      Delete
    12. Jonaid: My point is not that you should fear sociopaths, but I understand you might interpret the text that way. By mentioning what these people are, I was trying to point out that they don't feel any shame. Thus it is pointless to shame them. You do however try to put them down, which can be seen as an insult. But that is in the eye of the beholder.

      Delete
    13. @ SomeOne:

      "Thus it is pointless to shame them."

      Never a truer word spoken. 8-)
      People could save themselves an awful lot of pointless typing at their keyboard if they took that fact on board from the start.

      "how stupid many therapists are. They actually believe they are doing science."

      Also very true. However, in a sea of stupidity, there is, if one looks hard enough, an occasional island of common sense. But you have to look *very* hard, unfortunately. 8-/

      Schema Therapy can be effective, for example (if a client buys into the need for honesty). It's currently been/being trialled over the last few years in Holland, for their forensic patients with serious personality disorders. Results so far are promising.

      XK

      Delete
    14. Someone:

      Thank you for the clarification. The reason why I sometimes try to remind socios that there is such a thing as shame is because I do NOT think they "don't feel any shame." I'm sure there are some of them - the lowest of the low - who don't but many others do, even if fleetingly. I don't believe in a fixed, unalterable condition called sociopathy or psychopathy. The whole of human history (and the personal experiences of millions of people including myself) proves this to be untrue.

      Delete
    15. I agree with you Jonaid, persons who has psychopathy/sociopathy are nonetheless results or just merely how they adapt with what they had experienced in the past, they just tend to hide what they truly are on the inside.
      This(sociopaths) has been a my Greatest Pick from a long list for my term paper, a with a little help from http://www.gloriousessays.com/ it helped me finish it with flying colors in proper format and style.

      Delete
    16. you used glorious essays too? i have been using glorious essays for a month now, it has been useful to my work i always get it done on time, and i mean tons of paper works.

      Delete
  6. "because whenever you're smart people sort of demand that you act unassuming about it"

    @ M E:

    Yeah; therapy fixes that, don't you find? 'Accept yourself and don't be sorry about it'? No?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anon@ 2:39 PM,

    It's true. People most often react to smart people with a bruised ego. That's both sad and stupid: there's so much to learn from smart people, good and bad.

    Ego fault-lines run through all neuro-types. The egos of Jesus and Buddha were both tested; Mohammad obviously failed his exam.

    To enter Nirvana is to give up the ego to the uber-universal mind, to fate or whatever. In ancient times, hubris against the Olympic gods was considered the worst of all crimes. Speaking metaphorically, for good reason: the gods made and thus understand the underpinnings of reality. Powers in the natural world beyond our understand and control do exist. They probably always will.

    So, no. I don't find therapy fixes the weaknesses innate to having an ego. Lots of psychologists out there with egos that reach to the stars. Dr. Drew. Etc.

    I would venture to say that you can accept those fault-lines without falling into the cracks and losing all perspective.

    Mr. Hyde

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Powers in the natural world beyond our understand [ing] and control do exist."

    Mr. Hyde

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @ Mr. Hyde at 4.16/23pm:

      "I don't find therapy fixes the weaknesses innate to having an ego."

      In case there could be an 'at cross-purposes' debate brewing here: I take the use of the word 'ego' to mean 'self-confident'.

      Rather than narcissistically egotistical. Agreed, like many psychologists....you know who you are, Robert H.......LOL

      Having self-confidence should not be perceived as a weakness, using that definition. Being self-confident often means one can view many sides, which usually results in a sensible perspective.

      Strictly prosaic and utilitarian, me.

      Delete
  9. I’ve never been a huge believer but when it turned out that love spell was my last hope, I gave it a try because my lover stopped talking to me, after begging and pleading with him I realized that nothing was working out, he left me to meet another girl, I had no choice than to ordered a reunite love spell from dradimalovespell@gmail.com to help me get my lover back, after the spell was cast, the results was fantastic, I never expected what I saw, I'm so grateful I came across this spell caster. My love left his other girlfriend and we came back together. DR. ADIMA changed my life and made me a true believer. I want to use this opportunity to thank this great man called DR. ADIMA for what he has done for me and my boyfriend. This great man has brought happiness and joy back again to my life. I will advice every one out there that has a similar issue, and also any one who is willing to get his or her lover back and any one who wants to get pregnant or cure illness of any kind to quickly contact this email;dradimalovespell@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. Socioempath was so good, to share 2 songs today!!!

    That inspired me, to share a song!!!

    BeautifulWar

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  11. "A reader asks which of my masks do I enjoy wearing the most"

    I read that first line of ME's post above and I thought right away "reformed sociopath".

    Gym

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aspie-

      I think you are correct.:)

      You see things clearly, and share them succinctly-I have a great appreciation for that!!!

      Thank you for the music!!!

      THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. aspie-

      I find Classical Music so soothing.:)

      I need to listen to it more-I should go to the symphony.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. aspie-

      I'm listening to all of the songs that followed that song, too, on You Tube.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. aspie-

      Classical Music reminds me of that scene in the movie "Shawshank Redemption", when Tim Robbins breaks into the warden's office at Shawshank Prison, and plays Classical music for the inmates to hear...

      I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!!

      Whenever I come across it, I have to watch it!!! I've seen it so many times!!! HA!!! LOL!!!

      There are a lot of good "life quotes" and "life lessons", in that movie.:)

      I love seeing Zihuatanejo at the end of the movie, too!!! I have been there, and it is truly that beautiful.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    5. aspie-

      Ahhh-and Opera!!!

      Opera reminds me of the scene in "Pretty Woman", where Richard Gere takes Julia Roberts, to the opera.:)

      Just what I needed today.:)

      I didn't even know, I needed it.:)

      How did you know???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  12. Ubra there's without a shadow of a doubt misdiagnosis somewhere. Sociopaths don't act the way you do, deliberately "putting on different masks" for a kick. You've been reading about it for so long that you've convinced yourself you have it... But don't misinterpret the condition.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I like to play the role of the goofy "clown" who's just so funny and gets along with everyone but everyone thinks is a nitwit. Gives me a good way to observe people without them noticing. Also allows me to pick up information and manipulate people from shadows

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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