Thursday, April 28, 2016

Famous Narcissists: Ernest Hemingway?

From a NY Times article, referencing Ernest Hemingway's intermittent way of getting back to good writing in his bloated later years:

Yet Hemingway was not a healthy man during the latter phases in his life. He was drunk much of the time; he often began drinking at breakfast and his brother counted 17 Scotch-and-sodas in a day. His wives complained that he was sporadic about bathing. He was obsessed with his weight and recorded it on the wall of his house.

He could be lively and funny, the organizer of exciting adventures. But he could also be depressed, combative and demoralized. His ego overflowed. F. Scott Fitzgerald, who endured a psychological crisis at about the same time, observed that Hemingway “is quite as nervously broken down as I am, but it manifests itself in different ways. His inclination is toward megalomania and mine toward melancholy.”

Even as a young man Hemingway exaggerated his (already prodigious) exploits in order to establish his manliness. When he was older his prima donna proclivities could make him, as one visiting photographer put it, “crazy,” “drunk” and “berserk.”

He was a prisoner of his own celebrity. He’d become famous at 25 and by middle age he was often just playing at being Ernest Hemingway. The poet David Whyte has written that work “is a place you can lose yourself more easily perhaps than finding yourself … losing all sense of our own voice, our own contribution and conversation.” Hemingway seems to have lost track of his own authentic voice in the midst of the public persona he’d created.

His misogyny was also like a cancer that ate out his insides. He was an extremely sensitive man, who suffered much from the merest slights, but was also an extremely dominating, cruel and self-indulgent one, who judged his wives harshly, slapped them when angry and forced them to bear all the known forms of disloyalty.

By this time, much of his writing rang false. Reviewer after reviewer said he had destroyed his own talent. His former mentor Gertrude Stein said he was a coward.

I went to a presentation today by someone that appeared to be a narcissist. He was old, and his mannerisms both betrayed pomposity and a deep insecurity and concern for whether he was being perceived as some great scholar or intellect. He combined an odd amount of name dropping with an awkward obsequiousness to the people who invited him to speak, calling one of them by the wrong name at one point in a case of trying to hard to endear himself and fumbling in the effort. But narcissists don't irritate me anymore. And I don't want to say I feel sorry for them, because I feel like that's it's own form of both (my) pride and (their) offense. But sociopaths and narcissists are an interesting comparison because both live empty lives, but the sociopath tends to embrace his with a nihilistic glee while the narcissist is afraid of his, like to look the shadow in the eye would cause him to lose all hope for a happy life. Just ramblings. 

134 comments:

  1. M.E.-

    "Just ramblings."

    I like it, when you ramble.:)

    ~Vegas

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  2. M.E.-

    I have seen Ernest Hemingway's house, in the Florida Keys.:)

    I heard much of what is mentioned above, and I remember thinking how awesome it would be, to live in a paradise like the Florida Keys...

    ~Vegas

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    Replies
    1. Are there a lot of 6-toed cats running around there? I read somewhere that there are.

      Delete
    2. Hi Damaged-

      Actually, there are a lot of 6-toed cats running around there.:) I think there are currently 45 cats, although I don't know if they all have 6 toes.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  3. M.E.-

    Also, I saw a television documentary film in 2013, that was created by Ernest Hemingway's granddaughter-Mariel Hemingway.

    The documentary was called "Running From Crazy", and Mariel talked about her battle with mental illness, and said that her family battled with alcoholism, mental illnesses, and suicide.

    I recommend it, if you haven't seen it.:)

    ~Vegas

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  4. Psychopaths/Sociopaths-

    "But sociopaths and narcissists are an interesting comparison because both live empty lives, but the sociopath tends to embrace his with a nihilistic glee"...

    Psychopaths/Sociopaths-

    Do you think you live empty lives???

    Do you think you embrace life, with a "nihilistic glee"???

    ~Vegas

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    Replies
    1. Empty insofar as most interactions being superficial and lacking in connection to others.

      Nihilism is there and it's not there. Find your own meaning and change it when it suits you; just a subjective tool to play with in differing combinations with others. Why not be gleeful when playing games? They're meant to be fun after all.

      Delete
    2. Work is a place where you can lose Yourself-this is very true to me. I get very frustrated if I feel I lose control of my own persona. I'm not a sociopath but I wonder if socios might feel like that. Or-if it is more like they never really identify with what they are doing to begin with.

      Delete
    3. Narcs and socio are so similar to me. But one main difference is that narcs make their own persona from scratch so to speak. It is completely their own creation. Sociopaths need someone else to mirror, to copy. Without that they are lost it seems. Can sociopaths create their own persona?

      Delete
    4. I'm not sure I'd say "glee", but I've been told I'm nihilistic and solipsistic. I accept that ultimately there's no point to life, we just do what we want to do. And I know that I have to be the one looking out for my own enjoyment in life.

      It does seem like empaths have trouble with those concepts, but I could never figure out why. Similarly I watched someone freak out about the prospect that we don't have free will and I couldn't understand that either. Because if there isn't any free will then nothing can change that so why worry?

      I don't have a lot of experience with narcissists, but the ones I've met always seemed kind of brittle - like they lacked an underlying resilience to take the bad turns in life.

      Anon @7:15
      "Without that they are lost it seems. Can sociopaths create their own persona?"

      Depends on what you mean by persona, I have a number of different presentations, masks, that I can drum up without external prompting. My girl who's also a socio is kind of the same way, though for her she tends towards just the one happy, bubbly kinda mask for most occasions.

      Delete
    5. I'm a narc and I have not made myself from scratch. I have a beautiful persona made up of all the wonderful characteristics I have ever come upon. I just have this unique way of seeming absolutely and fabulously authentic. My persona changes over time, just like my taste and what I'm going for changes. I've actually had people obsess over how authentic and simple(as not even trying) I seem.

      Delete
    6. Hi Scarlet,

      "Depends on what you mean by persona, I have a number of different presentations, masks, that I can drum up without external prompting."

      I'm speculating here, curious: do these masks connect in self-recognisable ways to deeper impulses or motives? Are they adaptations to context or conscious mechanisms by which to capitalise on context?

      Or more like spontaneous constructions of self in the vein of multiple personalities? I presume not based on your design of them, but I'm wondering about connection to deeper drivers.

      From childhood, I've had a puzzling capacity to vary my style spontaneously to new social environments and adapt remarkably well to change, but this comes from what I assume is a very different place. It was a minimisation of my self-assertion in favour of the more urgent need to flow with my environment. A lack of self-identity to preserve the physical self. Reasons for that.

      So I'm always intrigued by sociopathic masks and the frequent sociopathic expression that the sense of self is lacking. Sociopaths are assertive and always seem to know what they want (I'm learning from this!)

      It seems to be a quite different sensation of lack - and in fact I didn't even recognise my lack of self-identity until I started to create self-identity. What I experienced was - I think now - panic though I repressed it.

      I'm interested: how do you experience the relationship between your masks or styles and your self? Thanks.

      PS I agree that nihilism isn't negative. It's liberating in precisely the sense you describe: we are responsible for our own enjoyment of life :) That's awesome!

      Delete
    7. Anon @ 4:14-

      "Why not be gleeful when playing games? They're meant to be fun after all."

      Games are gleeful, and meant to be fun.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    8. Anon @ 7:09-

      "Work is a place where you can lose Yourself-this is very true to me. I get very frustrated if I feel I lose control of my own persona. I'm not a sociopath but I wonder if socios might feel like that. Or-if it is more like they never really identify with what they are doing to begin with."

      I understand what you are saying, and think that can apply to everyone.

      Does anyone else have any thoughts???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    9. Anon @ 7:15-

      "Narcs and socio are so similar to me. But one main difference is that narcs make their own persona from scratch so to speak. It is completely their own creation. Sociopaths need someone else to mirror, to copy. Without that they are lost it seems. Can sociopaths create their own persona?"

      This was interesting.:)

      Psychopaths/Sociopaths-

      Do you think you need someone else to mirror/copy, otherwise, you are "lost"???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    10. Scarlet-

      Everything you said, resonated.:)

      Thank you, for touching on the "persona" question.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    11. Anon @ 12:16-

      "I'm a narc and I have not made myself from scratch. I have a beautiful persona made up of all the wonderful characteristics I have ever come upon. I just have this unique way of seeming absolutely and fabulously authentic. My persona changes over time, just like my taste and what I'm going for changes. I've actually had people obsess over how authentic and simple(as not even trying) I seem."

      Thank you, for your post.:)

      I think this could apply to everyone, to a certain degree.

      Thoughts???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    12. I'm enjoying your blog, North - I've just discovered it! I'll see you over there! Hope all's going well with you

      Delete
    13. Nice to see you again, Muddling Through!

      I started getting into Markings last weekend - dense stuff! One or two of his lines is worth pondering days over. Loving it.

      How have you been? Looking forward to chatting again :)

      Delete
    14. Me too! Been meaning to continue all along, but life piled in on me, throwing me off my stride a bit (as it does). Was wondering how you'd got on with DH! It is dense. Very unique stuff, though, and original. Light and dark at the same time (?) or something like that. Very honest. Just been enjoying reading your developments - good stuff!

      Delete
    15. Yes, I feel like I have an empty life. Empty emotional connections, empty friendships, empty mind, empty body, empty morals.

      I've struggled with my acceptance of Psychopathy so I wouldn't use Glee to describe it. There is a high from many of the "games" I play. But it is short lived and in general empty as well.

      As far as personas. I think I have a fairly good idea of who my personal "self" is . But it essentially is the most extreme version of me. It also doesn't really exist. Instead I create personas and limits based on mirroring those around me. to an extend I become what they are, at least for the time I am around them. When I'm by myself, I do feel lost a lot of times. I feel like there is nothing there.

      Delete
    16. Thanks Muddling Through!

      "Our secret creative will divines its counterpart in others, experiencing its own universality, and this intuition builds a road towards knowledge of the power which is a spark within us."

      A spontaneity of essence from a deeper and more powerful current; there's a way in which my intuition recognises what he says in that passage, but it's a little out of reach. And its this hint of unfound treasure that draws me on, both within my own self and with the book ;)

      TPI, thanks for sharing your experience. I like reading your blog because you do convey your experience in ways that help me imagine, and that's valuable. Valuable to understand different ways people experience life.

      Delete
    17. It's great isn't it. The intuition does recognise it. Like it sparks/engages part(s) that were dormant but respond to it and come alive. Elusive to the analytical side though (hence the dormancy maybe?) which thinks if it can't be measured it can't exist..? Devil of a job to talk about, though, without cornifying it, which I find I always do. Hence art, I guess ?. Nice Emerson quote though:

      A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages.

      Delete
    18. I love that paragraph by TPI too. Funnily, that's the kind of thing in this area that I find incredibly easy to relate to. Although I'm sure my experience is probably crucially different, I'm totally at home with it and could almost have used the words myself (whether meaning a different thing or not). But the 'nothing' is what I like best.. (more The Cloud of Unknowing, maybe.. http://bit.ly/1X1QzOx )

      Delete
    19. Here's a video I think you'll love (if you don't already know it)

      http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/pleasure-finding-things-out/

      Delete
    20. In the name of God, The Merciful, The Compassionate.

      "We verily created man and We know what his soul whispers to him, and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein."

      Qur'an 50:16

      To think you can imagine whatever you want and do whatever you want so long as you can get away with it is a dangerous & self-destructive delusion to be indulging. Your slyness, sharpness and "energy" pals won't be of any use when your God-given time runs out.

      Cheers.

      Delete
    21. ThePsychopathInside-

      Thank you, for your posts.:)

      I have also visited your blog a few times, and discovered yesterday, that we like the same music.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    22. Thanks everyone. Mostly, I just try to be real (as real as I can be). I don't try for it to be something it isn't. My blog really is just a collection of random thoughts and occurrences. I figure if someone gets something out of it that is all the better. It's just one person's experiences. In a lot of ways I don't think psychopathy makes me that much different from the general population. Everyone has different masks they wear. the way I talk to students is much different than the way i talk to bar friends, or family, or friends, despite being a psychopath or not. Its just how people work.

      Vegas- I feel like my musical taste is all over the board. But mostly developed from being dragged around to multiple concerts at a very young age, so much stems from classic rock and things that remind me of such.

      Delete
    23. ThePsychopathInside-

      I like, that you try to be real.:)

      I haven't gotten to spend a lot of time on your blog, but plan to visit there more-thank you, for sharing your experiences.:)

      I agree that psychopathy isn't that much different, than the general population. We do all have our masks-it is how people work.

      I also enjoy all sorts of music, and love going to concerts.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  5. It’s truly appreciated coverage regarding topic and right to operate for the working. Click here


    ReplyDelete
  6. Your ramblings are always interesting M.E.

    I've read your book recently and I am inspired.

    Keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. M.E.-

      I have yet to read your book.

      Have the majority of people read M.E.'s book???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  7. You guys are often comparing narcissists to sociopaths. They are similar, but that doesn't change the fact they are two different PDs. You dismiss all advantageous characterestics of a narcissist and only project the ones of the sociopath. In this case you are the ones seeing only what you want to see, avoiding the concept of "competition", like accepting it would make you loose hope for a successful life.

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    Replies
    1. What are the advantageous characteristics of a narcissist BTW?

      What competition are you talking about, and why would you lose hope for a successful life if there was one?

      Delete
    2. Anon @ 3:20-

      Good question.:)

      Psychopaths/Sociopaths-

      Do you "avoid the concept of competition" with narcissists and/or others???

      "like accepting it would make you loose hope for a successful life."

      Would "competition" cause you to "lose hope for a successful life"???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. "But sociopaths and narcissists are an interesting comparison because both live empty lives,"

      Generalising, much.

      Most people lead empty lives. It's probably why there's so much depression, insecurity and anxiety all over the place.

      Delete
  8. I don't think socios and narcs necessarily lead empty lives as much as what drives them is more Empty-shallow. Regardless of accomplishment or the exterior or illusion of such there is always an internal void that can't be filled.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "Regardless of accomplishment or the exterior or illusion of such there is always an internal void that can't be filled."

      I'm afraid that's not true. What drives a psychopath is action. Goals. Doing. Living. Thinking. Experiencing. Planning. Choosing. Got it?

      Normals tend to have empty meaningless lives, since so many of them are so conventional and apathetic. Must be like a living death. Why bother getting out of bed every morning when you know it's going to be like every other.
      That seems much more like empty-shallow.

      XK

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    2. Not true as a rule: passive psychopaths don´t seek action but the opposite..

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    3. Xk yes I've "got it" it's a big endless circle of goals that fulfill. For a moment anyway and then you feel empty again.

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    4. Passive socios just want a cosy sofa & and some books, perhaps tv & movies too. They see lots of "rats" running around in a "metal wheel". They think to themselves that those "rats" seem rather busy, so "eager" indeed..

      Delete
    5. What about games, XK? Any truth to the old chestnut that socios see every social interaction as a game to be won?

      Delete
    6. "I don't think socios and narcs necessarily lead empty lives as much as what drives them is more Empty-shallow. Regardless of accomplishment or the exterior or illusion of such there is always an internal void that can't be filled."

      You have summed up beautifully how I feel. On the surface I don't have an empty life. I have a successful business, a nice job, a beautiful house, a husband that is a long term relationships, children who are brilliant, I just finished a graduate degree. I have a lot. I'm goal driven and will continue to strive for things. But it isn't because I want them, its just something to do. I want to always have action and be accomplishing. Achieving anything to me is a let down because its time to move on to the next thing.

      Delete
    7. @ anons 4.33am, 6.00am, 12.09pm:

      "it's a big endless circle of goals that fulfill. For a moment anyway and then you feel empty again."

      Who are you trying to convince; yourselves? You seem somewhat invested in the belief that there has to be emptiness and internal voids for some reason.

      I assure you, I have no idea what you're talking about re 'emptiness' and 'voids'. There's boredom very occasionally, usually to do with being around boring people, who I attempt to avoid at all costs.

      As for activity and passive psychopaths: who said that thinking, at length, isn't an activity? It doesn't mean one is 'passive'.
      Sitting on the sofa watching TV sport and drinking beers is 'passive'.

      If any of the above Anon posters are psychopathic, [rather than other people trying to tell themselves it sucks to be one] - has it ever occurred that certain lifestyles, being culturally determined to an extent, are in fact - empty and meaningless? eg. if you're in the USA, you work to 'acquire', do you not?

      That choice of goals is empty and meaningless; not the being psychopathic within a culture that embraces those goals, quite probably.

      I can't relate at all to this premise of internal voids and emptiness.

      @ anon 2.34pm:

      Re games to be won. No. Not every social interaction. What for? More accurate to say every social interaction should strive for maximum understanding, be pleasant hopefully [or otherwise], for all parties. Hence, one listens, observes, modifies one's own responses, to facilitate that.
      Doesn't everybody do that? If not, why not? Do they prefer just to hear the sound of their own voice?

      I don't waste my time messing with people's minds for fun; it's very boring, too easy, there's no 'reward'. Now *that* 'game' *would* be empty and pointless, thinking about it. I could see how that would leave a void comparable to a mid-oceanic trench.

      Oh well, another two preconceptions about psychopathic personality, down the tubes. No pointless games, and no empty voids. Oh dear. LOL

      XK

      Delete
    8. @ ThePsychopathInside:

      Hmm. I only ever do stuff I want to do, if it's interesting and therefore rewarding to do. It would make no sense to do anything that makes one feel 'empty' after it's done.

      Could it be that the things you've chosen to do are not things that actually fulfill you long-term?

      Several people over the years told me "you're never satisfied". I looked at them blankly. Because I'm *always* satisfied. [With not that much, materially]. However, I always want to *learn* more. Not because of repeated 'emptiness'. But because I'm interested in lots of things, which then become useful for me, long term.

      So how could that result in 'emptiness'?
      I don't understand.

      XK

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    9. XK we get get it. You don't have genuinely high ambitions in life and it seems you haven't the strength nor the patience to strive for anything. Psychopathy is the inverse of a true life. It starts off all glittery, fun and exciting but gradually fades away and leaves you not "empty" but filled with regret, sorrow and misery.

      Now of course you won't believe me and persist in your delusion. That is the nature of this pathology. Have fun while it lasts. You're a fool to think God isn't well aware of every single thought you have and every single intention behind each act. Play along for a while, then your time will come.

      A psychopath thinks they're smart but they're actually stupider than an illiterate farmer cut off from civilization.

      Delete
    10. I should elaborate since psychopaths are incapable of reading what is intended and interpret it as they see fit. You have "ambitions" which you think are "high" but are devoid of genuine effort (which is essential for genuine self-respect, knowledge and self-fulfillment). You're nothing more than a fake coward who uses fancy language and wit to try to outdo others and thereby satiate your own ego. Exactly what you'd expect from an EMPTY person.

      What is a human being who lives his life like a child given too much attention? A sad tale.

      Delete
    11. "Normals tend to have empty meaningless lives, since so many of them are so conventional and apathetic. Must be like a living death. Why bother getting out of bed every morning when you know it's going to be like every other. That seems much more like empty-shallow."

      Wow talk about projection. If you had the ability to THINK deeply, you'd wonder "why is it that these people living these boring, systematic lives clinging to their fairy tales seem to be so content and happy with it?" You don't get it do you? They don't need the "Goals. Doing. Living. Thinking. Experiencing. Planning. Choosing" to fill the void. They simply do that to make a living. Get it?

      Delete
    12. @Jonaid
      " [...] fairy tales seem to be so content and happy with it? "

      Seriously? Content and happy? Have you ever listened to 'normal' people? They're the most discontented, unhappy beings to be around - endlessly complaining about their shitty lifes. They could change it, but they don't. (Would really want to know why...)

      Delete
    13. Depends on how one defines "normal." To me "normal" is not what you all call "neurotypical." Normal is someone with sincerity, alive on the inside, with genuine ethics and an appreciation for Truth. Most people don't fit the bill but they're still better off than psychopaths - the lowly scum who sell their souls & integrity for fleeting pleasures. I dislike stupidity and no one stupider than a intelligent person who opts for a delusion.

      I was a "normal" by your definition last year. I was whining not because I was unhappy but because I was screwed over by psychopathic loved ones who I trusted blindly. That's life, when you're wronged, you sometimes complain. Should I now sell out, kill my heart and turn into that which caused my pain? I didn't do that when I was ignorant and lost and God-willing I never will now that I know for certain He exists and is well-aware of what your kind are doing.

      In time we all will know the Truth.

      Delete
    14. I used your definition of "living these boring, systematic lives clinging to their fairy tales" and called it "normal" as in "around the average when scored on a scale".

      Following this definition, sincerity is not normal at all... but that doesn't matter.

      " psychopaths - the lowly scum who sell their souls & integrity for fleeting pleasures "

      Watch your tongue, Jonaid. It's quite respectless to call people "scum", mind you? ;p

      Delete
    15. ThePsychopathInside-

      Thank you, again, for your posts.:)

      I find your writing enjoyable to read, and understand.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    16. XK-

      I am getting a very "Anti-American" sentiment from you.

      Is that correct?

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    17. @ Nihilistic Mind:

      Oooh, I know this one. 8-)

      "They could change it, but they don't. (Would really want to know why...)"

      Lack of courage to be different. Too busy fitting in and being 'normal'. Getting scared no-one will accept them anymore if they're not doing what's expected.

      Their 'reward' is getting all that emotional reinforcement from all the other 'normal' people.

      Course if that's not a reward in itself, the trade-off is pointless.

      XK

      Delete
    18. @ Vegas:

      "I am getting a very "Anti-American" sentiment from you.
      Is that correct?"

      Too simplistic a question. What is 'America'? A people, a system, a geographical country?

      The countryside has some very attractive regions. Some of the people, such as African Americans, are wonderful. The political system is garbage. The infrastructure is decaying. The wealthy elite are rapacious and very psychopathic or narcissistic or both. The general population are both naive, poorly educated and self-serving. The health system is a joke. The prison system is barbaric. The banking system is utterly amoral. The foreign policy is overly imperialistic and aggressive. I could go on......?

      Be careful what you wish for LOL.

      XK

      Delete
    19. @ Jonaid:

      I think it's a very good thing you write so much about how you imagine others to be. It gives a very clear picture of what you feel is deficient about yourself. Keep up the good work.
      8-)

      The very lacking in ambitions, inability to think deeply scum XK

      PS. there is no way you could afford my soul. LOL

      Delete
    20. @XK

      That's a shitty set of excuses xD

      Thank you tho, I guess it makes sense from a 'normal' point of view. Still utterly illogical in my mind... I've never had much disadvantages upon not fitting in, in the worst cases I just had to undo the changes and everyone just forgot about it.

      Delete
    21. "That's a shitty set of excuses xD"

      I've always thought so. I'm very happy not to have to bother with them. Life is lot more rewarding being oneself.

      XK

      Delete
    22. Anonymous 5:07

      I don't know how to respond to counterpoints that are not actually made. Your soul belongs to you, not me, and I have interest in purchasing it.

      Delete
    23. I have NO interest in purchasing it.

      Delete
    24. XK-

      What country do you live in???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    25. many people feel their lives are empty and some others don't like to think about the question so they "fill" their lives with activities, at the end of the activity they may feel empty again and look for more activities and so no

      but.....what do those that never say their lives are empty have thats different?
      apparently old people say that what made life living were their relationships.....

      I'm really curious about all the comments here about empty lives and wonder if sometimes people don't really just mean lonely....because if you talk about an empty feeling it must mean that you also have knowledge of a full life....or you wouldn't know you were empty....

      emptiness is what Buddhists practice......
      emptiness also feels terribly boring.....that's the monkey mind telling us that we are bored
      boredom looked at from another angle is peacefulness and it is also a very privileged and guiltless place,
      in the same way your anxiety can also be read as excitement if you want to read it that way just try it it's easy, next time you are freaking out about something just tell yourself that it's really exciting not frightening.....

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    26. @XK Answering your question from earlier, I typically only do those things I really want to do, or have very good reason to do them. But psychopathy feels like this: I don't have emotional investment in anything so when its over, It is just over. That is the type of emptiness I'm talking about. There is no long term fulfillment because there is no passion for anything long term. I'm always happy with my outcome. For example, one of my goals in life was the typical "american dream" get married, start a family, buy a house. My husband and I have all that. We have a good working relationship, children, a home. It was a success. I wouldn't change that and I enjoy the benefits of it. But That goal is achieved, so what energy was spent to achieve that goal isn't being fulfilled. There is no planning, plotting, work towards something once it is achieved. And therefor is empty. Because for psychopaths and sociopaths (atleast those i've known), it is about the "games" no matter what they are.

      Delete
    27. I am not a sociopath but I do understand being propelled by "Motion." thinking somehow that will solve things. It didn't for me. I was just running blind. Sociopaths almost seem like they are wearing red shoes-they must dance till they die. The drive for motion is good and bad. Are you dancing or are the shoes?

      Delete
    28. @ TPI:

      "But psychopathy feels like this: I don't have emotional investment in anything so when its over, it is just over....There is no long term fulfillment because there is no passion for anything long term."

      Ahh. OK. I see the issue. Start of essay 8-/........

      Passion is always transient. That is the way it is. Rewards will always be temporary, but regular and intermittent if one finds entirely engrossing fields of endeavour [there are some] that can 'fulfill' one's particular personality traits. But one has to work out what one's own reward system is first. It may well not mesh easily with stable family life.

      The traits are designed for constant challenge, destructive/constructive change, peripatetic lifestyle, inability to tolerate constraint. That is by design. A standard life trajectory of domestic bliss and academic and business success per se, may well not be sufficiently engrossing or challenging to provide the stimulus required. Some people do manage a 'consistent life plan', but they tend to become surgeons, attorneys or firefighters etc. where the occupation involves risks, excitement and continual variety.

      It is OK to ditch activities and contexts that no longer rewarding. Why not? Change is a good thing.
      In case this all seems to suggest that one is advocating selfishness and irresponsibility towards one's family, not at all. One can look after children as well on a beach [or a forest] as a suburban home. A simplistic example but you'll get the drift I'm sure.

      Hiring f/t night-time childcare for overactive children so you can sleep rather than struggling on yourself also comes to mind. Accepting that you have the right to be irritable to students and colleagues when you are exhausted due to sleep deprivation, and you have the right to expect their tolerance, would not be selfishness but taking care of one's health.

      One could also perhaps explore the possibility of not being very good at identifying one's emotions or even have the skills to realise that [without therapeutic help]. Regarding one's internal dynamics - if it does turn out that the emptiness is boredom and dissatisfaction with fulfilling others' expectations; best not ignore that insight. Feelings, even fleeting ones, are flags, telling one to pay attention and respond, adjust. It may be that the response required is logistical change.

      One cannot tread water in one's life. That is the harsh but unavoidable fact of having those traits, unfortunately. It is suggested that modifying one's context to more reflect the implications and imperatives of the traits will be required eventually.

      It is quite possible that that is at the root of the emptiness that many feel. It is empty to conduct one's life according to a template designed by the more emotional and communally-minded majority. It does not work long-term because their reward structure does not offer you joy, but boredom.

      This 'essay' may be utterly wide of the mark, and it does read like an Agony Aunt column. I admit I hesitated to write it. But I leave it with you.

      XK

      Delete
    29. @ TPI again:

      Boy the above sound pompous now I'm reading it here. Tried to be succinct[ish], not very well.
      XK

      Delete
    30. Anonymous May 1 - 5:07

      To correct my earlier comment: your soul belongs to God, not you.

      Night.

      Delete
  9. I think socios despise narcis, they see them as vulnerable, prancing peacock-birds. Just the way zodiak-Scorpio may see socios: clinging, needy and desperately seeking human approval/contact. Ever heard about a psychopath leaving mankind behind..?

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    1. Anon @ 5:31-

      You have very valid points.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  10. Vegas my beautiful fish , I'm saying that because that's how free I feel when I hit laps, I'm sure you feel the same. I'm no pro that for sure. Sprinter not long distance.I like free style, kick boards, breast stroke, front, back crawl, the butter fly I'm not the best at it but it's fun to try. Haha, responding here from previous post. Just been busy. Talk soon.

    I love tennis, when I was a little girl, and teenager I used to go downstairs to Eatons every fuckeeeen week and buy a new racket and tennis balls! Smell the shit out of my new tennis balls, pow pow! Lol

    God how I miss tennis! Last I played was in my twenties. Quite a few years has passed. Lol. Squash I really like too. I can play that for a long long time. I'm actually looking into tennis with a friend again. I probably will suck at first but hopefully it will all come back to me. : ) I'm sure it will with time.

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    1. Superchick-

      *****BLUSHING*****

      I like it when you call me, your "Beautiful Fish".:)

      I do feel like that, when I hit the water!!! A beautiful fish, mermaid, etc.:)

      That's cool, that you're a sprinter, too.:) SPRINTERS RULE!!!

      YES!!! Kickboards are WAY COOL-it's fun to kick and splash!!! I like "pull buoys", too, since I've always had decent upper body strength.:)

      There was a tennis court, by the pool I used to go to all of the time.:) I was always swimming, diving off the diving board, playing pickleball, and resting in the sun listening to music after that, that I never really played tennis.:( A few times I went up to the tennis courts to play around, but I never REALLY played tennis.:( I should try it someday!!! I think, it would be fun.:)

      I had to look up "Squash"-that does sound like fun, too!!!

      You will have fun playing with your friend, and it will all come back to you, in no time.:)

      ~Vegas

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    2. :D :D pow pow !

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    3. Superchick-

      I love your sound effects!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  11. Enjoyed this post M.E : )

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  12. Scarlets post, thumbs up !

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  13. ESTP I want to take you up on your invite. Where abouts should I go to see you?

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  14. "But sociopaths and narcissists are an interesting comparison because both live empty lives, but the sociopath tends to embrace his with a nihilistic glee while the narcissist is afraid of his, like to look the shadow in the eye would cause him to lose all hope for a happy life. Just ramblings."

    This is absolutely true. I did molly once with a sociopathic relative after finding out they're socio. I will never forget what they said. "I have feelings! How do I keep these?" They then went apologizing to another relative and got so excited they wanted to "fix" everything that was wrong in the family. They were so happy they even offered to tell me everything they had done to me. The next day, of course, they backtracked and said they were paranoid because of the drug.

    Now I've done molly and I never felt paranoid nor did I feel like suddenly I have emotions (because I always have them). I've done it with my socio friend too and he was never more beautiful, genuine and at peace then when he was when on molly.

    I'm not suggesting, at all, that molly is good or that drugs ought to be abused. The point is that true life is on the inside, not the outside. You're a walking machine with some physical needs and wants without a lively, healthy emotional world. THAT is why we're empathetic. We're ALIVE on the inside. God alone can give you a true experience of life. Without Him, you have nothing but delusions, satire, play, games, distractions etc. etc. all means of avoiding your own emptiness. I SO understand now why the God-less love making fun of the faithful now. I used to do it too...when I was ignorant and lost. You don't know what true joy and love is until you experience it.

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    1. Beautiful Jonah that you saw what was just inside. You tapped into something. Is it because we're more alike than not. ;) I can't wait for the day when psychiatrists claim that sociopaths have much of emotion as anyone else but it's how they shut it off or channel it. It will come, the stigma will lesson. The most oppositional ones are the most sensitive inside. I find it easy figuring it out. Why do I - Where others want to expose them how they lack so much empathy? Bullshit. Well for me anyway. Not referring to you Jonah , just talking in general terms.

      Delete
    2. And the brain is like a muscle-- we shut out emotion it becomes automatic. But If we learn how to feel it, process it as best we can we become free. It's okay to not be scared of your feelings. Some feel it more, some feel it less. But I guarantee you it's there, like you said -- inside , it's how its projected that this world judges on it.

      Delete
    3. Psychiatrists have no clue what they're on about. The human mind and heart are anything but pure biology. They are attempting to study a macro phenomenon (the human conscience) in a micro environment devoid of any consideration whatsoever for it's Divine origins. I get it there's no need to mention God when studying purey empirical phenomenon but the reason why psychiatry is a largely bogus science is because it wrongly assumes that our inner lives are nothing more than randomly evolved neurons firing.

      This delusion is good for psychopaths who can then lie to themselves and think they won't be held accountable - in life or after - for their transgressions.

      Peace.

      P.S. Why do you call me Jonah? I'm Jonaid!

      Delete
    4. Opps it's my phone autocorrecting I'm trying to be diligent in seeing them but I fail miserably lol

      Sociopaths and empaths all do fall into an illusion of some sorts. We will all be held accountable :) Referring to ur statement up above. I can think I'm right and just in my mind, than realize I've gained nothing without really listening to the other persons perception. Dialects has gained way in psychiatry. There's so many ways seeing things, they all take presidency in my mind. My words fall flat at times, I admit . I love being won over. I have no problem in submission. It's actually a powerful experience. But I'm feisty aswell. :D

      Delete
    5. Jonaid-

      Do you know if there is a difference, between "Molly" and "Ecstasy"???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  15. Another thought

    Why do some sociopaths seek revenge sometimes (and the same for empaths ) don't tell it's not because of emotion flodding through. But the projection can be more calm and collective. Now what type of emotion they are genuinely feeling ...they need to figure out. That's why it's best to work with a councillor to help figure out what your feeling. Even if it's for a shorter duration that it surpasses through you quicker than your average neaurotipical.

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  16. In the name of God, The Merciful, The Compassionate.

    "What is the life of this world but amusement and play? but verily the Home in the Hereafter,- that is life indeed, if they but knew."

    Qur'an 29:64

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  17. The right words at right place great

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  18. For fucks sake my errors i meant dialectics in my post up above :D

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  19. Re comparing sociopathy/psychopathy and narcissism. That's an interesting topic, and quite a complex one too.

    IMO, from an observing point of view, there are a lot of overlaps. Pathological lying, egocentricity, twisting facts and telling bullshit at an over-average rate with little to no concern about making it sound authentic. (Note: That's what nons' see, as soon as they had negative contact with either disorder.)

    Upon taking a closer look, there seems to be a major difference in what they take offence on: Narcs tend to freak out if you show them how pathetic they are within a social setting, while Sociopaths don't seem to be thrown off balance by the like as long as they can draw an advantage out of it.

    The topic of emptiness... Personally, I'd rather associate this with depression. Or borderline syndrome. Narcs, maybe. The ones I've met seemed to have quite a problem with feeling empty when they had no audience/narcissistic supply. They looked kinda lost.

    I personally don't feel empty, rather bored sometimes. There were times in my life however when I felt a void (or at least that's what I wrote down, the feeling itself is gone and therefore forgotten), and there's a significant difference between 'emptiness' and 'indifference'. Feeling indifferent, at it's extreme, equalizes the color into a grey mass, while feeling empty denies the existence of color altogether. I'm colorblind however, so I'm not exactly sure if it made a difference. (No really, I've got a problem with red-green vision. Not exactly unable to see them, but an impairment nonetheless.)

    As far as I could see, the thing with personas is different, too. Narcs have a limited range here, they create them for themselves, to please the audience for the purpose of getting approval, thus the possibilities are limited. I've got plenty of easily modifiable personas, always akin to get the job done (well, depends. If there's nothing I want to gain in that moment, I mostly don't really care). I can switch in a heartbeat between personas, even unrelated to the situation I'm in - which seems to be extremely difficult for narcs. They've got a reputation to defend, after all. That's why I come across as 'authentic' and narcs don't. (n=7, so of course I might be wrong)

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    1. NM-

      You sound good-things must be going well, with your SO.:)

      I always like to hear "your take" on things.:)

      Has dyslexia been a challenge, especially knowing and using both German and English? It doesn't appear to be-you communicate flawlessly.:)

      Is being colorblind with red and green a challenge, especially in the area of driving? You mentioned driving, the other day...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. @ NM at 12.53pm:

      "Pathological lying,.... twisting facts and telling bullshit at an over-average rate with little to no concern about making it sound authentic."

      Thing is, I don't think that is psychopathic per se. It might be useful if you're trying to avoid a criminal conviction, of course.

      Why bother lying to people if one hasn't got much interest in them anyway? So perhaps pathalogical lying is only a feature of lower functioning groups, ie inadequate, of any description.

      XK

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    3. Hi Vegas,

      Things are going smooth again, for the most part at least. I still need to accommodate to the new state of our relationship. Especially turning down my need for control & the obsessive reactions he caused.

      Dyslexia can be trained out to some extent, and there are a lot of different kinds of dylexia. I confuse left and right, as well as a bunch of dichotomic concepts like good/bad, sour/bitter, etc., and every once in a while I can't remember some words in the language at use. Tho I never accidentally swapped vocabulary between English and German. I have quite a problem identifying those mirrored letters p/q, b/d if not part of a word and 2/5 in digital clocks but this doesn't interfere with daily life.

      What can be a problem sometimes is my inability with reading analogue clocks aloud; in German you only say the hours and quarter/half/three-quarter, I've got to use past/to additionally or else I get too confused, and difficulties with two-digit numbers like 45 and 54.

      It's not a full-fledged color blindness but enough to make me believe for most of my life that there are at least three times more tones of blue than red or green.

      I can't afford a car, or a driver's licence. I go by public transportation. But colorblindness is not a big deal while driving, my dad has almost completely absent red/green vision and drives just fine. ;)

      Delete
    4. XK, I should have elaborated more on that topic.

      First off, I make a distinction between pathological and habitual lying.

      For example, I'm a pathological liar, but I don't lie habitually. I need to actively keep my mind from 'confusing' trivial facts if I want to tell the truth (which is much easier in writing) whereas habitual liars lie actively.

      Trivial facts as in age, favorite whatever, what I did a day ago, etc. All that stuff which is in the moment irrelevant to me.

      If lies serve a purpose of saving you from punishment, those lies are just human and very normal. (At least in my culture? Not sure if that's a thing anywhere else)

      I agree that habitual lying (wasting energy on unnecessary lies) is likely a symptom of low functioning.

      Sorry for the of definition, it's getting late over here.

      Delete
    5. *the lack of

      and late means 3am xD

      Delete
    6. Hey NM-

      I'm happy things are going smoothly, for you and your SO.:)

      I'm glad dyslexia and partial color blindness, haven't had a negative impact on your life. Blue is a better color to see IMO, anyway.:)

      I think that's cool, that you use public transportation. What is the public transportation like in Austria? Do you use a bus system? Do you also have train and/or light rail options? I know-I could "Google" it, but "Insider Tips" are the best.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    7. @Vegas,
      Colorblindness is not a big deal in everyday life. Most people don't even know they have until some doctor tells them by chance.

      I personally dislike blue... Green is much better. My favorite shade is a vibrant light to middle green with yellow hues - very recognizable, 'cause there ain't much different shades of green anyways xD

      As for dyslexia, I've had help reducing the 'noise' it causes and thus it's rather 'silent'. I think I don't have a particularly severe case tho. It's an interesting dysfunction and makes for quite some funny situations.

      Re public transportation, in Vienna we've got subways, tram, train and bus. I personally prefer subway and tram, but use train and bus as well sometimes. Depends onwhere you go :)

      Delete
    8. @ NihilisticMind:

      "I'm a pathological liar, but I don't lie habitually."

      Not trying to be pedantic; but, I'm still confused. An explanation would be helpful as I keep reading 'in the literature': 'pathological liar' but it never seems to be defined curiously enough. So, I do understand habitual lying, I understand lying 'to stay out of jail' - but what do you understand pathological lying to imply?

      XK

      Delete
    9. @XK,

      I came across the same problem, most articles on the web lack a congruent definition of what they mean by pathological lying and additionally they often confuse all sorts of lying with no regard to motivation.

      Most forms of lying are driven by a motivation to distort facts, whereas what I mean by 'pathological lying' is basically a lack of motivation to stay true to facts.

      I lack an internal chronological timeline, and retrieval of emotional memory seems to be heavily dysfunctional.

      The way my brain stores memory makes it necessary to concentrate on retrieving actual facts when I want to tell the truth. This costs energy and time, which makes people suspicious.

      Making up facts is much more energy and time efficient, plus it happens automatically.

      Neurotypicals (or actually, most people) make up facts in their mind as well, but don't seem to face the same problem with retrieving memories, especially more or less emotionally charged facts - like age, date of birth, favorite things, names, places, etc.

      So whenever I don't focus on telling facts, lies happen out of energy efficiency. Happens more often under frustration/distress as far as I could see.

      I hope that made it a bit clearer, if not feel free to ask further. I'd be more than happy to explain :)

      Delete
    10. Right so could you explain why anyone should believe a word you say considering you're a pathological liar? Even when you utter a true statement a healthy mind ought to wonder "so what's his agenda" since by default you always lie.

      You see you're not the only one who inherited less than optimal neural functioning. You just lack the will power and the integrity to accept that and struggle a little in life. You prefer to sell yourself a nice story about how you're far better than you are, put together one cleverly articulated lie after another.

      I get it. Once you chose to live like a two-face, you have to make yourself believe it's for the better. Unfortunately for you the truth doesn't change because you stunt your own mind.

      I swear to God I haven't seen much genuine stupidity in anyone except psychopaths. Especially the ones who make pals with "energy" and then forget that Someone created that thing too and just because He gave you a certain time span to test you doesn't mean you won't be held accountable for your actions.

      Kids behave this way. They have almost zero stress tolerance. Kids, of course, don't know any better.

      Delete
    11. Jonaid, everyone is free to believe whatever they want to believe. I don't feel the need to justify my self on here. Besides, didn't we have such a similar discussion already? Starts to feel like a deja vĂș.

      However, if it really troubles your mind:

      Consider that I wouldn't get much out of lying to complete strangers on the net.

      I do, however, get something out of training my abilities in staying concentrated enough on facts to minimize the effect of my atypical brain wiring.

      Plus, it's a whole different story to prevent lies in text messages than in real-time conversations.

      Delete
    12. @ NM:

      Aha. Got it. Lying to make up info so things 'flow' with someone, in conversation. Yes?

      If so: no, I don't do that. Not because it's 'wrong'. But I think in pictures. So I just run the internal video to 'remember' stuff. I describe the pictures.

      "The way my brain stores memory makes it necessary to concentrate on retrieving actual facts when I want to tell the truth. This costs energy and time,"

      However, I know exactly what you mean by that too; my very short term memory is occasionally hopeless now [due to a concussion], so I just tell people that. So they don't start with the "which makes people suspicious." stuff.

      Many thanks, NM
      XK

      Delete
    13. I wonder how stupid one has to get before they realize that constantly lying gradually destroys the ability to be truly objective and see reality. Like I said, the stupidest people (who think they're the smartest) suffer from this pathology.

      "Consider that I wouldn't get much out of lying to complete strangers on the net."

      Your definition of pathological lying is a lack of motivation to say true things. So I assume this too is a lie. Nonetheless, psychopathic liars get a thrill of it - thinking they're messing with others' heads or confusing them.

      "I do, however, get something out of training my abilities in staying concentrated enough on facts to minimize the effect of my atypical brain wiring."

      Maybe you should work on your ego, less so on articulation, and more so on thinking deeply and reflecting. That is, if you really care to correct your "atypical" wiring.



      Delete
    14. When the genie has had his fun with you, having successfully made you destroy your own brain in exchange for the fulfillment of your base desires, they'll start playing with you just like you play with others. It looks like schizophrenia down the road. You don't have to wait to die before you start reaping what you sow. Thankfully, death is no escape for criminals either.

      Use your reasoning faculties for some good while you can.


      Delete
    15. In the name of God, The Merciful, The Compassionate.

      "The day when they come forth, nothing of them being hidden from God. Whose is the Sovereignty this day? It is God's, the One, the Almighty.

      This day is each soul requited that which it hath earned; no wrong (is done) this day. Certainly God is swift at reckoning.

      Warn them of the Day of the approaching (doom), when the hearts will be choking the throats, (when) there will be no friend for the wrong-doers, nor any intercessor who will be heard.

      He knows the traitor of the eyes, and that which the bosoms hide.

      God judges with truth, while those to whom they cry instead of Him judge not at all. Surely God is the Hearing, the Seeing."

      Qur'an 40: 16-20

      Delete
    16. @ NM at 4.27pm:

      Another thought, re your point:

      "most articles on the web lack a congruent definition of what they mean by... 'n'... and additionally they often confuse all sorts of ...'n'... with no regard to motivation."

      This is *exactly* what I've discovered by reading much research; and at the same time seeing psychologists. I finally by chance found a monogram online about the relevance of motivation to interpersonal interactions. What an epiphany. It became clear that the problem psychologists have in understanding psychopathic behaviour in general [hence the 'n'] is that they never take into account that motive is different in people with different wiring. So they never ask, so are continually baffled by the behavioural responses. They don't realise that they unconsciously assume all parties are on the 'same page'.

      That mistake tends to be very prevalent in the blog comments. Here though, it often seems utterly pointless and time-consuming to keep saying, "no, that's not what I meant or why I said it".

      [Now, getting on a soapbox]:

      Another annoyance is the 'they don't feel emotion' ridiculousness in research papers. The psychologists I see, to their credit, never swallowed any of that nonsense.

      [A quiet room somewhere, with soothing decor]

      Short Shrink: "Of *course* you have feelings. What to you think those fluttery things at the back of your mind are? Bats? Now just pay attention to them and stop messing around!"
      XK: "Hmm. So that's what those are. OK, I've got loads of them. I don't pay much attention to them."
      [XK notices Short Shrink expectantly watching and waiting for a coin to drop.]
      [short pause]
      XK: "But what do you do with them?"
      Short Shrink: "You listen to them. They tell you things."
      [XK looks askance at the Shrink. Is Short Shrink actually a voice-listening schizophrenic? Surely not.]
      XK: "So, what exactly do you mean by that, Short Shrink?"
      Short Shrink: "They signal if things are OK or not OK, for instance"
      [XK looks dubious.]
      XK: "Then what?"
      Short Shrink: "Then you work out why you felt that particular one, and that tells you what to do next"
      XK: "You what?!! You mean you're supposed to use them as a guide to behaviour? Unbelievable!!!"
      [XK uncharitably thinks, 'no wonder the world's such a mess].
      [Short Shrink thinking 'I am dealing with an utter idiot here', nevertheless, with a hint of triumph, replies]
      Short Shrink: "Exactly."
      XK: "Aha! Got it. A Hitchhiker's Guide to Life, in your own head! How incredibly useful. *Who knew*?"
      [Grins delightedly]

      [XK, having only ever paid attention to one emotion before this, rage, walks out of room feeling extremely pleased. Impressed even. A whole wealth of new opportunity in life, revealed. Mystery finally cleared up!]

      [Short Shrink rolls eyes tolerantly at the closing door. Then scribbles on pad: 'Progress slow, but one does not despair'].
      LOL

      Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Well. The never convicted if one were strictly accurate and not pathologically lying. 8-)

      XK

      Delete
    17. XK-

      [XK, having only ever paid attention to one emotion before this, rage, walks out of room feeling extremely pleased. Impressed even. A whole wealth of new opportunity in life, revealed. Mystery finally cleared up!]

      I am interested in this.

      Can you explain why you've only paid attention to 1 emotion, and why that emotion is rage?

      I would really like to understand this.

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    18. NM-

      I would appreciate anything you can share on this topic, as well.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    19. NM-

      You described the green you like, perfectly-I can envision it.:) That is absolutely, a beautiful color.:)

      Thanks for your take, on the public transportation, as well.:) Did you say previously, that when you pay to use public transportation there, that you can use whatever mode of transport you want to???

      Trams are fun.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    20. @ Vegas at 10.38pm:

      "Can you explain why you've only paid attention to 1 emotion, and why that emotion is rage?"

      Cmon, cmon, that's easy. Because it's so strong; it's obvious when it intrudes.

      Rage: LOL well, you just really don't need to go through any effort. You react. Or not.

      Rage means something has gone wrong. One shouldn't not ignore its source.

      Actually I was sloppy; happiness amusement and joy are also strong, but one experiences them; not 'pays attention' in that heightened alerted way.

      XK

      Delete
    21. XK-

      Yes, I understand.:)

      Would you say, that you feel rage "more strongly", than other emotions? More than happiness, amusement, joy, etc.?

      There seems to be a differentiation between processing rage and other emotions-that you pay attention to rage in a heightened and alerted way, whereas other emotions are merely experienced-is that correct???

      Thank you, for your response.:)

      The way NM, you, and ThePsychopathInside write, is easy for me to read and understand.:)

      ~Vegas

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    23. @ Vegas at 12.47 am:

      They are experienced mostly mildly; there's a sub-set of them I've discovered that aren't experienced at all; the ones I've mentioned specifically are strongly experienced; rage is the only one that also has an automatic response of alertness, since it triggers the fight automatic response of specific brain circuits. Apprehension does that too, but not very strongly. Often apprehension is ignored.

      Happiness and amusement don't provoke fight [or flight].
      Unless the attempted joke is really terrible. Then flight kicks in LOL.

      XK

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    24. XK, you're funny. I really like your humor.

      "Aha. Got it. Lying to make up info so things 'flow' with someone, in conversation. Yes?"

      Quite yes. I think it's important to stress that often times it is subconscious.

      Strangers are always suspicious when you stop midsentence for a second, aren't they? xD

      Re shrinks, they're the most strangest species of people in the world. I've been in therapy more than half my life, and aside from one psychopathic and 3 very open minded individuals, I got the impression they don't even try to understand my inner workings. Most wanted to either stroke their ego or make themselves believe they helped someone (doesn't that account for the same endresult? just came to my mind...). My current therapist is rather useful tho.

      I've got to excuse typos and incoherence... I'm not quite sober right now.

      PS I love that sketch xD

      Delete
    25. XK-

      Thank you, for your response-it helps me, to understand.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    26. @ NM at 3.40pm:

      [I nearly missed your response as I assumed all would now be at the next blog entry.] However, 8-)

      Re the sketch; life's been full of those moments since I started seeing shrinks. I have a collection of them [shrinks and moments 8-)]. Like you say - they are odd people. Very odd. I think I've been lucky, all the ones I 'know' are very nice people who also have a very good sense of humour.

      "I got the impression they don't even try to understand my inner workings."

      I would say that is true for about 9 out of 10 of all standard shrinks. I recommend forensic shrinks. They have a sensible perspective, gallows 8-) humour, and are open-minded.

      Most of the others are completely at a loss and no use at all. I had no idea so many were so useless. It has made me messianic to an extent.

      I nowadays think they have a duty to get their shit together and start helping the situation, not fanning the flames of intolerance. A few names come to mind at this point.

      I leave you tonight with this vignette:

      Round Shrink [a research psychologist] and XK are talking.

      Round Shrink: "Who knows what psychopaths want" [said wistfully]
      XK: "Well, have you ever asked them?"
      [short pause]
      Round Shrink:"That's a brilliant suggestion!! I could ask one!! What a great idea!"
      [Long pause by XK]
      XK: "Round Shrink, are you saying you've *never* asked one what it is they want??"
      [Round Shrink blithely carrying on obliviously without realising all credibility has been lost]
      Round Shrink: "Well no, I've never asked one..."
      XK: "Uhuh. How many years have you been dealing with them in prison?"
      [Round Shrink, now understanding the immensity of the faux pas, shamefacedly admits]:
      Round Shrink: "Umm; ten years"

      XK pointedly says nothing.

      8-)

      XK

      Delete
  20. Can someone help me out. Why do men in their forties, fifties and even sixty year olds look at teenagers and girls in their early twenties sexually? Can someone explain this to me? Because if my boyfriend ever looked at my daughter in this way I'd shoot him. No questions asked. The ownership falls on him, not the girl.

    What's it saying about the man? I need clarification and someone to enlightened me. I'm baffled at what I see at times. And generally is this all men (honest answer). If so, I'd be happy turning bisexual and living with a women. I can live with pussy. Please tell me NOT all men are attracted to young teens and girls who are half or triple their junior. If so I'll accept it but I'm turning over to pussy fast and because it can save me the heartache of even ever dating a man again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I know where your coming from. Read this: it gets far better as you read the whole article midway to the end. It explains the cons more so with the men doing this.

      http://www.thefrisky.com/2011-03-31/guy-talk-is-it-natural-for-older-guys-to-lust-after-young-women/

      Delete
    2. Anon @ 3:35-

      Thank you for sharing that article-THAT WAS AWESOME!!!

      I wish I could've seen the look on that guy's face when he thought the barista wanted his number for herself, but she actually wanted it, to give it to her mother.:)

      PRICELESS!!! HA!!! LOL!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  21. Not every man is interested in teens, some are interested in women their own age and some interested in women older than themselves. I would think biology plays a role sometimes, other times it's men thinking they are still teenagers themselves, they can be in their 50's with a beerbelly and they act 16, not much selfawareness or growth, furthermore it's accepted that man oogles woman and older mindsets where man rules probably add to the behaviour.I think it also has to do with how we view age, attaching "vital" to "young" which might be an aspect when someone doesn't feel young or vital, to go for the "trophy" thinking it might rub off, instead of finding vitality also within self.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm proud of my non pretentious nature it would be a pain having to deal with self consciousness and trying to look cool but I'm immune to peer pressure. I've been told I have no self awareness whatsoever but that's what makes me a sociopathworlder and not a redditor. Redditors have too much self consciousness and sociopathworlders have none.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Redditors are very susceptible to peer pressure and trying to look cool. I spent an hour on Reddit to see why everyone was talking about it and it didn't impress me. The people on there are not bright but very smug in the most nauseating sophomoric way. Reddit is why I dislike most students and college culture.

      Delete
    2. Sociopathworld is a patriarchy or a fatherland if you will. Here men rule the roost. I got the feeling on Reddit that women had an equal say as men on there and that's never a good thing. Who in their right mind wants to listen to women?

      Delete
    3. Hello Adam.

      "Who in their right mind wants to listen to women?"

      LOL. Exactly.

      "I've been told I have no self awareness whatsoever"

      By those same women perhaps?

      I suspect you have a great deal of self-awareness; no?

      ttfn 8-)

      XK

      Delete
    4. This blog was created by a woman...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    5. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for a woman, and you live with your aunt, who is also a woman-correct???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    6. ^that comment, was for Adam...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    7. I love Maya Angelou, and heard this poem again today, and thought I'd share it:

      Phenomenal Woman
      BY MAYA ANGELOU

      Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
      I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
      But when I start to tell them,
      They think I’m telling lies.
      I say,
      It’s in the reach of my arms,
      The span of my hips,
      The stride of my step,
      The curl of my lips.
      I’m a woman
      Phenomenally.
      Phenomenal woman,
      That’s me.

      I walk into a room
      Just as cool as you please,
      And to a man,
      The fellows stand or
      Fall down on their knees.
      Then they swarm around me,
      A hive of honey bees.
      I say,
      It’s the fire in my eyes,
      And the flash of my teeth,
      The swing in my waist,
      And the joy in my feet.
      I’m a woman
      Phenomenally.

      Phenomenal woman,
      That’s me.

      Men themselves have wondered
      What they see in me.
      They try so much
      But they can’t touch
      My inner mystery.
      When I try to show them,
      They say they still can’t see.
      I say,
      It’s in the arch of my back,
      The sun of my smile,
      The ride of my breasts,
      The grace of my style.
      I’m a woman
      Phenomenally.
      Phenomenal woman,
      That’s me.

      Now you understand
      Just why my head’s not bowed.
      I don’t shout or jump about
      Or have to talk real loud.
      When you see me passing,
      It ought to make you proud.
      I say,
      It’s in the click of my heels,
      The bend of my hair,
      the palm of my hand,
      The need for my care.
      ’Cause I’m a woman
      Phenomenally.
      Phenomenal woman,
      That’s me.

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    8. I also heard this quote today:

      "We are versions of one another" -Norman Lear

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    9. Well-well, Our Lord fuckery Adam has graced us with his presence. Adam is here looking for his bromance to suck his masculine cock. :D

      Girls give him cooties. :) none of that now.

      Delete
    10. @ Vegas:

      Re the song lyrics. Adam obviously brings out the worst in you. 8-)

      Stop that right now! Naughty.
      "I'll get angry. You won't like it if I get angry....." 8-)

      XK

      Delete
    11. Superchick-

      I love your posts.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    12. XK-

      Those weren't song lyrics-it is a poem by Maya Angelou.

      I don't know if Adam brings out the worst in me or not-I was merely stating fact.:)

      I like to be naughty.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  23. Xk, you are obviously not a sociopath but a narcissist. Cute <3

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hi everyone! So excited my husband is back after a break up !
    My husband broke up with me last week, i was so frustrated and i could not know what next to do again, i love my husband so much but he was cheating on me with another woman and this makes him broke up with me so that he can be able to get marry to the other lady and this lady i think use witchcraft on my husband to make him hate me and my kids and this was so critical and uncalled-for,I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to get back my man until i went to NY to see a friend and who was having the same problem with me but she latter got her Husband back and i asked her how she was able to get her husband back and she told me that their was a powerful spell caster in Africa name Dr.Unity that he help with love spell in getting back lost lover back, and i decided to contacted the same Dr.Unity and he told me what is needed to be done for me to have my man back and i did it although i doubted it but i did it and the Dr told me that i will get the result after 48hours, and he told me that my husband was going to call me by 9pm in my time and i still doubted his word, to my surprise my husband really called me and told me that he miss me so much, Oh My God! i was so happy, and today i am happy with my man again and we are joyfully living together as one good family and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr.Unity of Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that good spell casters still exist and Dr.Unity is one of the good spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are there and your lover is turning you down, or you have your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore contact the powerful spell caster Dr.Unity on his email: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com .if you have any problem contact Dr.Unity, I guarantee you that he will help you. Thank you sooooo much Dr Unity.

    ReplyDelete
  25. M.E.-

    Regarding your tweet:

    "What I do is bad but it's never clear why."

    It sounds like you are being "naughty", and that you need some spankings.:)

    HA!!! LOL!!!

    Just kidding.:)

    Will you use a song for your next post???

    For me, please???

    The last song I remember you sharing, was Bjork's "Dancer in the Dark"...

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete

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