Friday, April 15, 2016

Famous sociopaths: Taylor Swift (part 2)

I have never actually said that Taylor Swift is a sociopath,* but she I have said that she is a master of cultivating power. And she has been doing so since she was a teenager. So you draw your own conclusions...

A reader draws hers:

I have spent many hours on your site over the years and find it to be very informative. I was reminded of your page again (for the first time in a little while) after a discussion about Taylor Swift's behavior at last nights "Grammy's."

There is a small but growing number of people out there beginning to believe she is a sociopath. I am one of them. Would you consider doing a post about Miss Swift? I would love to hear your take on this along with any discussion in the comments.

She a complicated woman. She's often described as "calculated" which is a term she hates. Apparently she told Kanye west that she approved of a song lyric he wrote about her, only to to turn around and publicly denounce him and play the victim afterwards (this all went down last month).

I like this article: because while it's definitely subjective and not objective fact, it does interestingly line up her words and behaviours with sociopath characteristics. Also if you google her interview with GQ magazine you can tell that the reporter throughout the interview seems to recognize these characteristics in her. 

You are definitely right, she's perfected her art! 

*And I wouldn't say anything about her other than that, honestly because she makes me a little nervous. She doesn't seem to have any boundaries as to how low she will go to get into a random fight with some nobody or shame some unsuspecting ordinary-man. She's reminds me a little of Putin in the same sense of seemingly indiscriminate life-ruining and potential for extreme pettiness? 


  1. North-

    Why were you with **_*, for an hour???


    1. I suppose we were both finally ready. It wasn't planned.

    2. North-

      What happened???


    3. North-

      I hope you and **_* didn't "you know what", and let him "hook" you again!!!


    4. We talked mostly. No hooks, thanks :)

    5. North-

      I am glad "no hooks".:)


    6. Thanks {{{Vegas}}}. I'd give more details but I'm letting it sit in my mind awhile. It feels fine but who knows what might pop up or resolve over the weekend :)

    7. North-

      You are welcome.:)


      I'm glad you responded, or I would've been worried about you.:(

      If he's anything like mine-I'm sure he's "hotter than hell"...


      When I find my mind thinking about his face, body, sex, etc., I immediately put him from my thoughts. It's getting easier and easier...


    8. That should have been...



    9. Thanks Vegas ;)


      I did ask him if he were still eating those "special foods"; he said he forgot about that ;)

      I think my own sexuality is evolving along with all the other changes.

    10. Vegas, you are still with your husband, right?

    11. {{{North}}}

      "Mine" has eyes the color of icy blue glaciers-they are beautiful.:)

      I can't think of them, or I start thinking of his body, and then sex, and then...

      It's like being on a diet.:( Diet's usually aren't fun, but often necessary, and beneficial to us.:)


    12. {{{North}}}

      Yes, we are married, but I have moved out...


    13. {{{Vegas}}}

      I like your diet analogy :D

    14. North please be very careful. From what you have written in the past, it is evident you have a trauma bond to **-*.

      "The most intense bonds are ones that involve intermittent abuse mixed with promises, hopes, kindness, and tenderness. The abuse creates the intensity; the tenderness allows the fantasy to flourish."

      How long have you and **-* been apart? Close to 2 years, right? Have you spent 1 day, just 1 over the last 2 years when you did not think of him? Ask yourself the question and answer honestly. What is the longest period of time you have not thought of him? Is this love? Is this addiction? Is this something else?

    15. Thanks OldAndWise. I read this article on trauma bonds and found it helpful. I've been doing most of that work; it's a good reminder to continue, thanks :)

      A guy I dated in January last year said love was over for him. I've wondered, too, whether it is over for me, whether I'm forever wired into my father's mould. Whether that's enough for me now. I've pondered this here a few times.

      I've turned away from a couple of NSA relationships in the last month or so because I'm learning it's not enough for me. This is part of what I mean in saying my own sexuality is changing. But the real question, of course was whether **-* is enough for me.

      The beauty of having last month seen the path his arrows took and having healed that over means I was better able and ready to test that actual question.

      **-* was proposing more or less what I wanted to test.

      And it's not enough for me. I want a vast and rich life. He is offering a box.

      Damaged referred me to a link at that listed recovery patterns. The one that struck me was understanding when someone is not available to me.

      It's an opportunity to recognise he is not available; that the box is too small.

      The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead

    16. North knowing what you know now did you see anything in him that really touched you? Anything real?

    17. Small things. He has a beautiful smile. He's like a happy boy when he talks about his macros. He's careful and detailed, which I am not! He has a sweet but clever sense of humour. He's swift to take advantage of opportunities. And he plans to get what he wants then proceeds with his plans.

      The sorts of things we package in our conceptions of other people - the things psychopaths for some reason can't account for in the own perceptions of selfhood. This is a wonderful mystery to me (in general, I mean, not just about **-*).

      I can see the pattern in his behaviour, what he was doing with that interaction. I know what it is I don't want there.

      He once said, before anything happened "Here lies a stupid macro", speaking of his own epitaph. It seemed such an odd thing to say and I wondered what was behind it. Another person once said to me that "we are biochemical robots - the pattern is determined." This idea of being programmed.

      I wrote a few posts back that we are bundles of neuro-patterns; the code can change. The code does change.

      But it takes time and sometimes strange exposure.

    18. North did you still find him interesting? Outside of curiosity about his being a sociopath. Outside of seduction. Did anything seem organic? New? Was there anything magical or was it all too predictable?

    19. North thank you for your answer and I apologize if I'm being incredibly nosey. This is very hard to describe. I guess what I mean is did you see any kind of light or spark within him? One that could match your own and hold your interest in a way that wasn't dependent on games or seduction?

    20. I've been thinking about this; they are good questions. I'm at work and will probably need to elaborate later.

      This is how I conceptualise it: there's who he is, those patterns, styles and preferences (like his loving spreadsheets and his preference for lattes , his introverted, genial style etc). Then there's his mode of operation. And that is absolutely psychopathic.

      But underneath - right, like sub-verbally, sub-consciously, sub-everything, he's human, yes. As we all are. And though he is biologically incentivised differently: he's human.

      When I look at it this way, I can see that the drive to subvert, play games, manipulate - it's how he operates and for a reason, right.

      We can look at all our patterns as being adaptive. We've ALL developed patterns for adaptive reasons. So what functions did those patterns serve when they were created? Are they still adaptive?

      These questions apply to each human. Which patterns of ours are no longer adaptive? How do we change them?

      My curiosity here is an innate drive and it IS adaptive. As I've been discussing, it's the mythologising of the unknown threat as a monster that enables humanity to progress. I don't see psychopaths or their behave as monstrous. They have patterns that are adaptive in their context; perhaps as proxies for the emotional equipment we have, but nevertheless effective.

      Do you see then, that there is nothing to be afraid of? That they simply assume the dominant place at the negotiation table - that doesn't mean they deserve it. It's always a massive bluff that they often get away with.

      Imagine, though, what would happen if they *didn't* assume the dominant place? Imagine! They would suffer massive disadvantage. That drive for power is as essential to them as breathing ...

      Because the bottom line - the absolute bottom line - is that ALL humans compete for resources and status ALL the time.

      We all feed off each other.

      And there's nothing wrong with that, it's how we work. Sorry this is abstract and rushed, I will eventually write this out properly.

      Viewing humanity like this - wow, it's blowing my mind how effective it is. But it's early days, I'm testing, testing, testing and concurrently changing my own patterns. It's like to switching to a "Capital A" Agile mindset: you must immerse yourself in it and learn through experience how it works.

      I don't know if this has answered your questions.

      Yes: I like his style.

      No: he really must be attempting to establish a position of dominance.

      Yes: he is bluffing and does have something at stake else he would not engage and it's that simple.

      Am I playing his game? No: I am engaging with a person using an approach I am devising that accounts for his mode. A mindset shift that I engage in which provides unexpected benefits more generally.

      Is it dangerous: honey from the razor's edge - there is an element of unknown in every adventure and this is how we grow.

      As I wrote to him, he has been my path to healing. It's actually adaptation. I see value in engaging with him but my sense of self is no longer dependent on it. I can understand his games but he will not be dictating terms and I made that very clear. Whether I offer him enough of the value he is seeking

      His narrative doesn't have to match mine. That's not a pre-requisite. People only maintain contact if value of some type is mutually derived. That my value requirements have changed is something he has to account for: he needs to re-baseline.

      Friday was him testing. I'm not saying he is very invested; but he did run through his little processes and invited the contact. It's interesting to me.

      Lol, this will be one of those posts Vegas says are difficult to understand. I need time and space to make it intelligible to others.

    21. BTW OldAndWise, I scored 10 on the Betrayal Bond Index. It is definitely still a work in progress for me :) But I am confident in my progress. Last week was very powerful, even at work, but especially with my children and family. Everything is changing; it just takes time. My sons are amazing; the way they are coming alive again. It's such a joy to see trust in their eyes, and the freedom they have at play again.

    22. North thank you for answering. I have wondered if my definition of light has changed with my experience. Is it really just naivety? I am aware that people feed off each other-i just thought it more like playing music. Some people are not just following your lead and they have something original to offer. That is there mo. They are not after anything you have because they have everything they need. I guess that's what I mean by a light or spark. They just like the way it feels, Sounds-the energy that is generated. That is what I am always looking for anyway. And someone who can sustain their own energy and evolve with it. Anyone can do anything short term. I have been thinking today about what was taken from me and what they gave. And why they wanted what they wanted from me.

    23. I love your idea of playing music; we each have our own instrument, our own style. We can play alone, or create harmonies with others. We can play new songs, learn new rhythms. We can choose.

      What drew me most to **-* was the idea of possibility. I don't think I was wrong in recognising that; but those possibilities unfolded not from him but from within me. He is about constraining me, not releasing me.

      I realised - finally - that I want to act fairly and with respect; and that I will only accept fair and respectful treatment. And what that means in practice. He will not treat me respectfully, nor could I ever anticipate that. He is not available to me, and regardless how beautiful his tune may sound, he can only choke out my song.

      For me, possibilities lie in fairness and respect, in taking full responsibility ONLY for the music I make, both in solo or in concert.

      These realisations are at once liberating, easy, and difficult. This is where my vision of a vast and rich life tugs me forward into the unknown.

      “It’s kind of strange, but when I’m done visualising it I feel a bit of the same sense of liberation as when I actually jump for real. It’s a great feeling. And it tells me that I will be able to master this.” [VIDEO: Sense of Flying 5:03m]
      I feel I have been practicing for this moment, and now the moment has passed, I must keep practicing to reinforce the shift.

      And someone who can sustain their own energy and evolve with it.This too makes a good personal vision, it gels with what I seek to create. To not quell your own energy to suit another, but to let it flow with resurgence and beauty and sustaining power. This is a life to live!

    24. North it's very sad when you see someone's ability and you want to set them free. That is where I am now. Letting it all go.accepting non reality as reality. Accepting the void and walking right on by. Trying to not turn around

    25. And north I think your right-it did unfold from within you. I feel the same. I'm not sure what to do with that but I know exactly what you mean.

    26. True freedom comes with wisdom and the continued pursuit of it. Sociopathy is settling for what you have and going into the world for material gain. Remember you'll never, ever attain happiness so long as you're enslaved to your physical needs and wants.

    27. Anon 5:19 that's how I feel at the moment too

    28. There are times when I miss them. But I wonder if I really miss them or if I just miss the idea of experiencing my idealized self. I'm really not sure who they even are. That makes me a bit sad too for them even though I know I shouldn't be. I just think of some of the times I saw thru them. There was such a strange awkward blank. They really wanted it to stay hidden. This is how I feel about someone else I deeply cared about that I now know is a sociopath. The thought of them being alone is painful to me. In reality I think they are rarely alone but I feel they are always lost a void- unreachable. The blankness in their eyes is haunting to me.

    29. This resonates with me.

      I think it's perfectly fine to feel anything you feel. I used to feel sad for him too, the vacuousness. Feeling sorry for them sometimes triggers a feeling of personal vulnerability... and this is just how I understand it now... it's a feeling you might be susceptible to them again.

      But you know what it also is?!?!? It's your being acknowledging the beauty, the richness and overall the usefulness of your own emotional equipment. That is something to be celebrated; but it is (or was for me) difficult to accept.

      I think vulnerability is first being vulnerable to yourself. To really look at yourself and accept those feelings-messages and not push them away. Once you do that, you can apply the "thinking" layer that says extending mercy to them right now is a major risk (for example). But you have then gained something extraordinary: your own permission to be fully you and practice recognising your own intuitive cues.

      Being able to listen to intuitions as the best safeguard to threat.

      That book A recommended is really useful: The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. I'm extending some of his principles to my own experience here.

    30. North thank you for the reference. I will check out that book. :-) and yes I think it is important to lay everything out at times and look for what is missing. I think this is all a part of keeping yourself. Remembering who you are.

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  5. I find it so interesting that so many sociopaths use the word cultivate -a term that is usually only used by people concerning farming or gardening. Do any sociopaths recall at what age they started using that term. Or where they picked it up?

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  7. That stuff she pulled with both Spotify and Apple was some world class master sociopathy. Seriously, it was impressive. She screwed others over, made more money at their expense, and still came out looking like a selfless princess.

  8. Honestly, just listen to her song Blank Space if you're in doubt.

    But hey, I admire her either way, she's got a certain elegance.

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. Another account of the chief psychopath and his scheme. Read and reflect if you can.

    In the name of God, The Merciful, The Compassionate.

    "And when We said unto the angels: Fall down prostrate before Adam and they fell prostrate all save Iblis, he said: Shall I fall prostrate before that which You have created of clay?

    He said: Tell me, is this he whom You have honored above me? If You will but respite me to the Day of Judgment, I will surely bring his descendants under my sway - all but a few!"

    (God) said: Go, and whosoever of them follow you - then surely hell will be your payment, ample payment.

    "Lead to destruction those whom you can among them, with your (seductive) voice; make assaults on them with your cavalry and your infantry; mutually share with them wealth and children; and make promises to them." But Satan promises them nothing but deceit.

    Surely (as for) My servants, you have no authority over them; and your Lord is sufficient as a Protector."

    Qur'an 17: 61-65

  11. "(Swift) reminds me a little of Putin in the same sense of seemingly indiscriminate life-ruining and potential for extreme pettiness?"

    That comment kinda shows a disturbing lack of geo-political awareness.

    Maybe a bit more overseas travel might help with gaining a more global perspective ?

    Putin is a Master of The Art. Ruthless, and dangerous. A Protector.

    Swift manipulates thousands of superficial people, for superficial gain. Naughty, but nice. A Dazzler.

    USA Style v Russia Substance.


    1. No, the comparison is similar in principle. You lack Taylor Swift awareness hahaha which is fine. She's just good at keeping her Putin like qualities under the radar.

    2. Of course. That's it.

      Are you a fan who can't deal with criticism about your 'idol'?
      Are you a teenager?

  12. She posts to 4chan. Total sociopath! XD

  13. I hate to be negative but Taylor Swift is an incredible bore. I like Miley much better. :-)

  14. These assumptions about famous "sociopaths" are almost funny

    1. Anon @ 10:43-

      Do you think they are sociopaths, or no???


    2. "These assumptions about famous "sociopaths" are almost funny"


      Or is this an attempt at raising the tone? [It's failing].

    3. I don't know If they are or not. The thing is none of you guys know either. You're making assumptions. And assuptions make an ass out of you and me. I understand the need some of you sociopaths have here, to find more and more people like you so you wont feel like a minority. But calling famous people you dont even know sociopaths just because they have one or two "sociopathic" characteristics in their behaviour is as I said almost funny. And anon 2:18 judging from your answer itself it worked.

  15. the worlds a hell who cares what happens in it?

    1. Same 'Spencer' as before, is that? The somewhat SW historian?

      If so, the world as in planet: because it's beautiful. The uninhabited bits that are left, that is.

      The world as in people: no they're not worth caring about.

      If a different Spencer: take an anti-depressant.


  16. According to the Qur'an, the only crime that God will never forgive (after death) is to invent and / or associate partners to Him. Of course anyone who makes friends with "energy" / Jinns does eventually end up worshipping them to some extent, hoping to get favors in return. If that's what rocks your boat and you insist on doing so, and NOT turning around & repenting, just know you're hopeless when you die. Pretending otherwise to yourselves or buying nonsensical stories about saviors dying for your crimes won't help you in the end.

    One may wonder why. I have my own opinion on this. It's pretty obvious that those who go down this road don't just do it for small personal gain. They eventually end up committing the worst crimes & sins because their "friends" demand a higher and higher price for the favors they do for them.

    In the name of God, The Merciful, The Compassionate.

    "Surely God forgives not that a partner should be ascribed unto Him. He forgives (all) save that to whom He will. Whosoever ascribes partners to God, he has indeed invented a tremendous sin."

    Qur'an 4:48

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  19. Woman. I see her as a 13 year old.


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