Thursday, September 5, 2013

Better off post-sociopath?

A reader writes about how he appreciated having sociopaths in his life, if for nothing else because they add excitement and color to life and brought out different aspects of his own personality:

I'm much better off for having sociopaths in my life at one time.  Have you ever read Jack Kerouac's "On the Road?"  Whether you have or haven't, I'll give you some context: JK, in my estimation was a very shy empath, hence the raging lifelong alcoholism.  He found himself drawn to Neil Cassady, a sociopath who probably had some bipolar disorder thrown in as well.  Cassady brought so much fun, spontaneity and wildness into Keroac's life that there literally would be no "On the Road" or Jack Kerouac if it weren't for Cassady. 

Anyway, in all honesty, I'm probably more like Keroac in temperament - a good bit more outgoing, but nonetheless, an introverted empath.  My best friend through much of my childhood and adulthood is the co-founder of a website that's a household name now.  To make a very long story short, he cut me out and threw me away when I was no longer convenient for him in the internet businesses, however I wouldn't trade the experiences and pain for anything.  It's the time in my life that's worth writing a book about (which I have), and if we're really all honest with each other, I would bet that its sociopaths that make life more interesting, and worth writing about in the first place.

By the way Ms. Thomas, I love your book.  I am now a practicing psychotherapist, a profession mostly populated by empaths, and your book provides the greatest insight into sociopaths of anything I've ever read, and I have a stack of books up to my chin about sociopathy.  

If you feel so inclined, I'd love to ask you some questions; I'll start with one: you said in your book that Mormons were some of the sweetest, most loving people you've ever met, or you said that about people at Brigham Young, I believe.  How do you as a sociopath react to sweet, kind people?  Do you see them as rich source for gain and opportunity, or do you enjoy the love you feel, or some combination of both?

My response:

I like sweet people as long as it comes from a genuine place. I think that most people who are self-actualized or able to see the big picture tend to be a little bit sweet and generous because they realize that life is short and there aren't really winners or losers (at least not in the rat race), so why not make friends with your seatmates. And a lot of Mormons are this way. It is like I said in the book -- Mormons believe that we are all spirit brothers and sisters and of course you're going to act more generously with your brothers and sisters than an enemy or non-relative, so there is generally a lot more social capital that I have with Mormons than other people.

But I guess to get more to the heart of your question, I like who I am around them. I'm really impressionable, like a chameleon, so when I'm around goodhearted Mormons, I'm more goodhearted myself. I'm also more willing to take risks and consequently I feel more effective, like I'm leveraging my assets in a way that is clearly making a difference in the lives around me. That makes me feel powerful. And I feel more in control of my own self when I am being that way, like it is my best self. It's one of the times when I feel most engaged in the world. Oddly one of the other times I feel most engaged with the world is when I'm playing a long con or mind game ("ruining people"). 

15 comments:

  1. Sociopaths do add spice to life because they
    represent "variety." But like stormy weather, they
    can whirl around you on a dime. No one who needs
    predicablity in their life should knowingly associate
    with a sociopath. Trouble is, sociopaths are so adroit
    at concealing themselves it's impossible to know
    until you're too deep into the relationship.
    Also, the unfortunate family members of a sociopath
    don't have the luxary of choosing their relations.
    So they are often in denial because of "commitment
    and consistancy." "I can't give up on M now!"
    So they hold on for "dear life" which is actually
    "dreadful death."
    A "loveable" sociopath is like a politican, or a
    "reformable" grifter like the character in the play
    "The Music Man." He entices the imagination of the
    gullible townspeople by promising acess to non
    existant musical instraments so they can form an
    imagnary band. This insn't unusual because society
    is built on swindles and unsustainable "promises."
    We wouldn't have religion, advertising and presidents if that were not so. The answer to the
    charming sociopath is "Let the buyer beware."
    The gross ugly unloveable sociopath is represented
    by someone who carries a social stigma. An ugly,
    hulking person lacking in the social graces who feels maligned when he interacts with society.
    His only hope to be a winner is when he demonstrates
    dominance and control over the group that excludes
    him. Hence the serial killer. He may not be a
    sucessful human being but he is sucessful at killing
    human beings and getting sex the only way he can.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi. You describing sometimes theway i feel when i entangle myself in a relationship. at some point the other's face says that they want to get out because they are seeing bits of the real me .

      I think it is my narcissism though. I dont think there is sociopathy they are seeing. There are control issues in narcissism. Me, I bend the other way so far (overcompensating) the control issue is hidden and the other thinks they have struck gold. Then they see that i was not as i appeared to be at first.

      Then they get a wash of disappointment. I did sthg they never would have expected, or had a last straw moment where i was tired of giving them all the control (bec I am afraid to communicate well. I have anger and fear and afraid i will be rejected if i make demands even though my demands are pretty nothing. I feel like i should not ask bec i wont get)

      so i often think i have duped the buyer. I cannot show certain things bec i do not think i am attractive unless i am being soft. i dont want to be like my mother, a dominating cunt, or like my father, an out of control, angry, depressed narcissist. I am not bad like they are, but my thoughts can be I want to be my own self but all i see are my ugly parents.so i do reject my self.

      But i am so charming and easy likable and the life of the part, good conversationalist, giving, loving person, they don't see until they are tangled and then when they do see, they want to leave me(my perception sometimes/self fulfilling many times, but sometimes just the truth) I see their face when they see the real me and are disappointed.

      So now i do not know how to proceed. I don't want to live alone by myself but i dont think anyone will want me with all my colors. Bec i end up feeling suffocated when there is too much contact. I have to wade through this garbage in my mind and it sucks

      I think this is narcissism. I think it sucks. and people here are so mean (you know you have some narcissism) bec you end up feeling alone is more satisfying.

      But alone is not good for the soul.

      Delete
    2. and i am fun bipolar like kerouac's friend.

      Delete
    3. No one who needs
      predicablity in their life should knowingly associate
      with a sociopath.

      It isn't 'just sociopaths. I am up and down bipolar and i cannot be predictable either. I fake it. It doesn't work to fake anything in life.

      I agree with ME ...to be around good natured people, they bring out your good nature. THey do not stimulate your mean, you won't get mean. Maybe :o

      Delete
    4. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVE WITH MONICA AND UKANSeptember 5, 2013 at 11:53 PM

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      VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
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      VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
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      VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
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      VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

      Delete
  2. I am a nice bipolar unless you f with me!

    ReplyDelete
  3. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVE WITH MONICA AND UKANSeptember 5, 2013 at 11:53 PM

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
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    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
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    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
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    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
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    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
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    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
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    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE
    VEGITOPATH EEZ BACK AND WANTS TOO HAV UKAN'S AND MONEECA'S BABEES TEEHEEEE

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVE WITH MONICA, UKAN AND SKYE. TEEHEE.September 6, 2013 at 12:21 AM

      Simply from reading the (part 1) letter, I would suspect her of being more of an emotional retard than a sociopath.

      "I used to torment my best friend thinking it was playful/it didn't bother her and hadn't a clue what I'd done was considered wrong/cruel until junior high when she wrote an explicit poem on how it made her feel...and then directly told me that the poem was about our interactions."

      Either the girl just hasn't been exposed to enough social situations to learn how to react to people in a beneficial way (assuming she is on the spectrum and has manipulative impulses) or most of the scenarios she outlined are the workings of an emotionally retarded (superficial) bully.

      TEEHEE. MEE IN LOVE WITH SKYE WHOOO EES A SOCIOPATH POSER TOO. TEEHEEE MEE LUF HER BECOOZ SHEE EEZ NOT A SOCIOPATH. SHEE EEZ AKSHOEALLY A VEGITOPATH LIEK ME. SHEEE EEZ EMOTIONALLY AND SOCIALLY REETARDED LIEK MEE. TEHEEE. THEREFOUR SHEEE EEZ AKSHOEALLY A FEEMALE VEGITOPATH WHO SHOOLD BEE MARREED TOO A MALE VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE. TEEHEEE.



      Simply from reading the (part 1) letter, I would suspect her of being more of an emotional retard than a sociopath.

      "I used to torment my best friend thinking it was playful/it didn't bother her and hadn't a clue what I'd done was considered wrong/cruel until junior high when she wrote an explicit poem on how it made her feel...and then directly told me that the poem was about our interactions."

      Either the girl just hasn't been exposed to enough social situations to learn how to react to people in a beneficial way (assuming she is on the spectrum and has manipulative impulses) or most of the scenarios she outlined are the workings of an emotionally retarded (superficial) bully.

      TEEHEE. MEE IN LOVE WITH SKYE WHOOO EES A SOCIOPATH POSER TOO. TEEHEEE MEE LUF HER BECOOZ SHEE EEZ NOT A SOCIOPATH. SHEE EEZ AKSHOEALLY A VEGITOPATH LIEK ME. SHEEE EEZ EMOTIONALLY AND SOCIALLY REETARDED LIEK MEE. TEHEEE. THEREFOUR SHEEE EEZ AKSHOEALLY A FEEMALE VEGITOPATH WHO SHOOLD BEE MARREED TOO A MALE VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE. TEEHEEE.

      Simply from reading the (part 1) letter, I would suspect her of being more of an emotional retard than a sociopath.

      "I used to torment my best friend thinking it was playful/it didn't bother her and hadn't a clue what I'd done was considered wrong/cruel until junior high when she wrote an explicit poem on how it made her feel...and then directly told me that the poem was about our interactions."

      Either the girl just hasn't been exposed to enough social situations to learn how to react to people in a beneficial way (assuming she is on the spectrum and has manipulative impulses) or most of the scenarios she outlined are the workings of an emotionally retarded (superficial) bully.

      TEEHEE. MEE IN LOVE WITH SKYE WHOOO EES A SOCIOPATH POSER TOO. TEEHEEE MEE LUF HER BECOOZ SHEE EEZ NOT A SOCIOPATH. SHEE EEZ AKSHOEALLY A VEGITOPATH LIEK ME. SHEEE EEZ EMOTIONALLY AND SOCIALLY REETARDED LIEK MEE. TEHEEE. THEREFOUR SHEEE EEZ AKSHOEALLY A FEEMALE VEGITOPATH WHO SHOOLD BEE MARREED TOO A MALE VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE. TEEHEEE.

      Delete
  4. I had a recent experience with mind gaming, a game which was unintentional on my part. My impression was that my opponent (the ignitor of the game) was very weak. I think many predators consciously single out people they see as "weak" so they can do their game without ever having to reveal their weak and insecure inside. TEEHEE.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Doesn't anyone want to know who this exciting, internet/website famous person in a famous company *is*? What book did the letter writer write???

    ReplyDelete
  6. i just received my diagnosis a week ago!sorry anonymous we have to respect the writer´s need for anonymity here lol i presume the book wasn´t another coming out story of a sociopath under pseudonym?

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have to say I had the best time with my sociopath...truly! And at the same time realized I'm BPD. I cannot get mad because he gave me the most apparent red flags everywhere, I just chose to ignore them. We just had a lot of fun. I knew it wasn't going to last and he made me very aware of of his promiscuousity and the sex was awesome.
    But at the same time he taught me a lot. Living my life, moving to another place, loving everything around me, changing everything about me...i can't explain it. In the end he LITERALLY told me who he was 'narcissistic sociopath, baby'...and I knew what I already thought I may have been deaing with. I was lucky...he was kinda nice, but I also got out early and we had fun. I learned A LOT about myself.

    ReplyDelete
  8. ME: you make me laugh...

    I like sweet people as long as it comes from a genuine place

    you socio's don't come from a 'genuine place' but sweet people must come from there...LOL

    Have you taken note that all :your people: abandoned you? Let's please that be a topic. It's very interesting that once they found out that #1 you were female: all socio's hate females..esp female socio's,,,,,I rest my case.

    #2 They hate an accomplished socio..hey they are just like that...

    I'm sure you don't feel like they all 'jumped ship' but they did. It's an all around nasty core group that has moved on.

    Awe are you sad?

    ReplyDelete

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