Saturday, September 28, 2013

Seeing the good in the bad

I liked this reader comment on what it was like to be the victim of "ruining":

Calm down on the ruining part. My worldview was totally twisted two years ago by a socioblabath. After the initial shock I was recovering for months. I that I could never experience joy again. In my following psychological quest for answers I became aware of things I was obnoxious to before. Before the path crossed my yellow brick road, my main concern were my looks. I made myself up before an exam as if I was going to Fashion Week. Histrionic. Promiscuous. Superficial. Attention-craving. Self-centered. The only thing I like about my former self that I, even then, felt happiest when making others feel good about themselves and their lives. But I was so busy trying to be a Kim Kardashian, that I hardly took the time to do so. At 24 I was behaving like a deluded child. Then I was hypnotized and drained by that 'thing'. In hindsight, what really broke my heart is that I failed to charm him. I thought I was a bonus in his life. I thought he was lucky to have me be infatuated by him. But the only time he felt good with me was in the end. When I looked at him in pure shock for witnessing the manifestation of evil. You could tell he loved that. And now, two years later? I appreciate my friends and family as never before, I hardly wear make up and it looks like I'm graduating cum laude for my masters. Instead of plotting my new headtwirling look, I'm busy helping my retired neighbours get money from their insurance company for their sinking floor. What I'm trying to say is: because of that asshole I realized I was heading in the wrong direction. Ruined? 

Another along similar lines:

I second this. My life too was enhanced by a psychopath. At first I thought he was my ideal man - tall, dark, handsome, rich and charming. I soon found out he was a self-obsessed user. These days I know a thing or two about evaluating a person's character quickly.

I am happier and more joyful than I have ever been because I learned first-hand that all that glisters is not gold. I have re-aligned my values and my life is richer. Plus I can spot an asshole at a thousand paces. Wealth per se no longer impresses me. It's all been quite freeing. I wish I'd met him sooner.

And a sociopath's appreciation of being called out:

Having someone else call you out on your bullshit is beautiful too. The beauty lies in the display of ability and intelligence, whether it's my successful lie or the other person's successful perception of my lie. Seeing someone else be beautiful does not diminish my appreciation of its beauty.


  1. Today's topic is a perfect illustration of the difference between
    being "asleep" and "awake."
    These two lovely ladies were raised in the Narcastic States of
    America. The frauds who decieved them were only playing the social
    roles that they were taught that sucessful people are suppost to play.
    These beautiful women needed the shock-slap in the face-of hurt to
    wake them up from the America dream. (Nightmare.) Now they are on the road to self acculazation. They have learned to function in
    their own best healthy interests.
    They have raised their comprehensive level, and therefore have
    made themselves more attractive to "genuine article" men and women
    as well.
    A major reordering of the priorites of this land is in order. It can't be
    accomplished through the mass media. In fact, it can't be accomplished through "mass" anything. The only hope is self-reflection. Seperating the wheat from the chaff.
    I LOVE my sociopath brothers and sisters. It is NOT to my advantage
    to see them suffer in anyway. What is GENUINELY good for ONE is
    good for ALL. In the interest of saving you many years of futile and
    useless searching for the reason for existence and the most positive
    productive way to live I will give you the names of the only 4 orginaztions you need look into. These groups will provide you with
    everything you need to lead a contented and fulfilled life. They are:
    1) New Life Foundation (Based in Arizona, USA) They provide you
    with simple information that gets overlooked. If you simply pay attention to what is said, you'll reap the benifits. You don't have to fight
    or force ANYTHING.
    2) Krishnamurti Foundation Of America (Based in Ojai California USA)
    Krishnamurti, was the third greatest spiritual teacher after Jesus Christ and the Budda. The New Life Foundation "borrows" a lot from
    his teachings. N.L.F. might be the better choice for people who can't
    grasp his meanings. His greatest regret as he (Krishnamurti) lay
    dieing, was only a few people "get" my teachings.
    3) The Ennagram Institute. (Based in N.Y. state USA) The Ennagam is
    the best personality system in the world. Everyone falls into a certain
    number between 1 and 9. Though you can't change your number, you
    can be the healthiest version of your number. It's based on the books
    by Don Riso. Through the Institute, you can make connections with
    other people that share your number, and see examples of well adjusted people. For example # 3 (Called the Motivator) could be
    a sleezy politican like John Edwards or Arnold Schwatznegger.
    There aren't many healthy versions of 3's, which just signifies how
    sick American culture (Which is presently a "3" culture is.)
    4) The Associates For Scripual Research. ASK is a Bible study
    orginaztion based in Oreagon USA.
    For 2,000 years (at least) people have been purposely feed disinformation about the Bible. The reason is obvious. Christ said,
    "You shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall set you free."
    Certain vested interests DO NOT want you to know the Truth because that would put them out of business.
    The Bible is God's road map to what His' intentions are, and what He
    has in store for the world. Do you think "they" want you to know what
    the Bible REALLY says without watering it down so they can enslave
    you economically and bodily?
    The "Arab Spring" was no surprise to me. I knew way back in 1981
    it was going to happen. People, through no fault of their own, have it
    all wrong! If you've been fed lies all your life, all you know ARE lies.
    So please DON'T be like "Nowhere Men." Assume responsibilty for
    your own lives. Run, don't walk to these 4 orginazations and come out
    into the bright sunshine.

    1. I promise I am not trying to be mean here but I really am curious. Why do you think a very long lecture full of misspellings and urgings to submit to the authority of fairly obscure religious groups is going to change the hearts of a population segment that has no problem ignoring the requests of those the sociopath has a far more vested self interest in?

      From my vantage point I can appreciate the idealistic yearnings to save sinners from eternal damnation and appreciate that you feel the need to put your beliefs into action.

      What I struggle with is the arrogance of expecting a poorly crafted diatribe to be the key that unlocks the souls of the sociopaths you love so much. It seems like sloppy thinking is a fairly universal pet peeve of regulars who frequent this site, and if you are to be effective, it can't hurt to demonstrate that you've taken the time to proofread what you've written. That basic gesture of respect is a good place to begin if you are going to lead with hard core judgment.

      If you truly love sociopaths and aren't just trying to convert them out of a sense of moral duty, you would take the time to speak with care. Your harsh judgments and carelessness combined seem very ill aligned with your stated "LOVE". If sociopaths don't convert in droves after reading this I think that it is less about their moral vacuousness and more about the fact no one likes to be talked to like this.

    2. sounds like a bad parody to me, Mach. A little bit of everything for everyone.

      Wouldn't look much different if it was satire:

      In hindsight, what really broke my heart is that I failed to charm him. I thought I was a bonus in his life. I thought he was lucky to have me be infatuated by him. But the only time he felt good with me was in the end. When I looked at him in pure shock for witnessing the manifestation of evil.

      or this:
      At first I thought he was my ideal man - tall, dark, handsome, rich and charming. I soon found out he was a self-obsessed user. These days I know a thing or two about evaluating a person's character quickly.

    3. How long does it usually take for an empath to feel guilty when they commit immoral actions? Is it possible that some may feel less guilt than others and if so are they still considered an empath?

    4. My comment was actually referencing the religious diatribe posted directly above me, but I can see where I should've been clearer, because the post also was rife with misspellings (for the record, I make spelling/grammatical errors too so I'm not trying to discount anyone because I am obsessed with literary form- just noting that the message it send when there are frequent and blatant errors is that the writer does not respect the audience enough to proofread.
      But anon 12:02- point well taken. Perhaps we will see this repurposed for the fourth installment of fifty shades of gray.
      ME is no dummy and I suspect by sharing the confused meanderings of self important empaths she is leading readers to infer that perhaps sociopaths are maligned with an intensity that feels disproportionate.

      At the risk of pissing off the grammar police myself I must state boldly that ALL people suck sometimes. And that I understood the first poster to have had a similar epiphany to mine which was- until someone is truly careless with your heart, it's easy to be careless with other people's hearts. Empathy always has a point of reference.

    5. tale cheating for example. let's say the empath is cheating constantly on their lovers in all sorts of ways...but they still kind of feel guilty about it...but they still keep doing it behind their spouse's back, does that make it an addiction problem or different type of personality disorder?

    6. Mach, the "religious diatribe" is only a tiny part of the whole crude self-help mix, and that's why I referred to it as parody.

      The ladies on the other hand have the feel and taste of either satire or melodrama:

      When I looked at him in pure shock for witnessing the manifestation of evil.

      If you say so. Look: tall, dark, handsome, rich and charming man are in high demand and may not be quite able to fulfill all the desires charming their way up to them. ...

      ME is no dummy and I suspect by sharing the confused meanderings of self important empaths she is leading readers to infer that perhaps sociopaths are maligned with an intensity that feels disproportionate.

      I do not care much about what M.E. may or may not have in mind with serving up these profound revelations from the psychopath perception pop culture. Ridicule? The problem is, it is pretty banal, mundane.

      Oh, the deep revelations of the web. I'll better shift to pure fiction:

      "[Otto Kugelblitz] an early psychoanalyst who was expelled from Freud's inner circle because of a recapitualation theory he'd worked out. It seemed to him obvious that the human life span runs through the varities of mental disorder as understood in his day--the solipism of infancy, the sexual hysterias of adolescence and entry-level adulthood, the paranoia of middle age, the dementia of late life ... all working up to death, which at last turns out to be sanity.

      'Great to be finding that out!' Freud flickering his cigar ash at Kugelblitz and ordering him out the doors of Berggasse 19, never to return. Kugelblitz shrugged,emigrated to the U.S.,settled on the Upper West Side, and built up a practice, soon accumuating a networkof high-and-mighty who in some moment of pain or crisis had sought his help."

      Let's see how many psycho and sociopath references Pynchon manages to weave into his NYC tapestry.

      Enjoy further revelations from box a) "socio/psychopath" and box b) "normals/neurotypicals". I am gone.

    7. recapitualation = recapitulation

      whoever finds another typo may keep it.

  2. @AnonymousSeptember 28, 2013 at 1:19 PM, re: guilt in an empath. (Interesting Q btw)

    Empath here (I suppose). I don't feel guilt very often, I have to admit, and certainly I haven't in the last 6 months or so, even though I've done or said things that would probably set others' remorse off.

    But when I do, from my experience, it depends how long it takes. Sometimes, it's right away, as soon as I've done whatever the guilty thing was. Other times, it takes a couple of hours to 'incubate' before the guilt comes. And on very rare occasions I haven't felt bad about doing something for years (literally not caring one jot) and then suddenly a memory is jogged somehow and a wave of guilt hits me and I feel awful. Weirdly, the guilt starts intense (and I think "what an asshole I must be") but it fizzles out to nothing after a few minutes and then I'm back to 'baseline'. Move on.

    None of the stuff I did was all that bad (nothing like your example of cheating), but hey empaths will be empaths and get all worked up about spilt milk! Though as I said the old guilt reflex hasn't kicked in in a while, guess it needs some oiling :-)

    1. I can relate to that. I've had times in the past (years ago) where I was so dissociated from my behaviors that I was unable to control them immoral or otherwise. Now I have learned to. I guess that comes with growing up. And if I'm wrong, I feel guilt as well. Although depending on what it is it can come an go as well. I think that if it were something like cheating, it would really depend on the relationship I had with the person that I was cheating on. If I was miserable and they treated me badly I might be more inclined to not feel anything at all about it. But if I was happy, and that person was good to me, its a different story all together

    2. I wouldn't say I'm dissociated (I at least feel as if I'm in control!) but perhaps you're right about the growing up thing. Growing old reverses it all I think since people of and before the baby boomer generation seem to say whatever they hell they want!

      It's interesting that some people, although they feel really guilty about stuff, can get over it relatively quickly and then others wallow in their guilt for years until it eats them up. Could this be psychological 'evidence' of the (currently theoretical) "sociopathy spectrum", or is it just a weird quirk of behaviour?

    3. see cognitive dissonance theory

  3. Sociopaths are the cooolest kids in the worldddd... Mmmm, hugs for us allll!

  4. Taking the good with the bad is from having to look on the bright side of your life. I dont think people born into happy happy can do it as easily as people who got fucked up the ass.

    Idk if it's a socio thing or an abuse victim thing or what , all i know is that damaged people attract damaged people.

    I had always complaining abt my ex going to leave know, the ocd mal narc antisocial, histrionic with borderline features undiagnosed bipolar? My friend said
    Oh he's not gonna leave you! ! Who else would put up with him. And who else would put up with you? It wasn't true for us, not by a long shot. She wasn't familiar with his breed..

    i do know that damaged people stick together . There is a glue there and it isn't necessarily a codependent bond. There comes a high tolerance for bullshit and an appreciation for benefits when you had to sort of tell yourself all the reasons you didn't kill your parents when you were little.

  5. Thank you for this post. I too crossed paths with a socio and it was through that experience that I realized the difference between the worlds of empaths and socio's and I'm glad to be an empath, I'm glad I can feel and I wouldn't want it any other way. I was asking myself why this happened why he came into my life but you helped me realize it's so that I can REALIZE how much I appreciate my family, my husband and my friends. Because now that he's out of my life I have such a great appreciation for everyone and everything. I am so happy to be alive everyday and the funny part is I chose to be happy and not ruin my life.

  6. "Verily, my fart has become a date! I shall be remembered forever!"

  7. Assigning of blame[edit]

    The sourcing of a fart involves a ritual of assignment that sometimes takes the form of a rhyming game. These are frequently used to discourage others from mentioning the fart or to turn the embarrassment of farting into a pleasurable subject matter.[11] The trick is to pin the blame on someone else, often by means of deception, or using a back and forth rhyming game that includes phrases such as the following.
    Rhyming phrases:[12]
    He/She who declared it blared it.
    He/She who observed it served it.
    He/She who detected it ejected it.
    He/She who said the rhyme did the crime.
    Whoever spoke last set off the blast.
    Whoever smelt it dealt it.
    Whoever denied it supplied it.
    The next person who speaks is the person who reeks.[13]
    The smeller's the feller.
    He/She who inculpated promulgated.
    The one who said the verse just made the atmosphere worse.
    Whoever's poking fun is the smoking gun
    He/She who accuses blew the fuses.
    He/She who refuted it tooted it.
    He/She who pointed the finger pulled the finger.
    He/She who articulated it particulated it.
    He/She who deduced it produced it.
    He/She who was a smart-ass has a fart-ass
    She who sniffed it biffed it.
    The slanderer made the gland error.
    He/She who eulogized it aerosolized it.
    Whoever makes the joke makes the ass smoke.
    He/She who rapped it cracked it.
    Whoever rebuts it cuts it.
    Whoever spoke it broke it.
    Whoever asked gassed.
    Whoever started farted.
    Whoever explained it ordained it.
    Whoever described it applied it.
    Whoever thunk it stunk it.
    Whoever resented it, presented it.
    Whoever accused it, diffused it.
    Whoever spoke the words is baking the turds.
    He/She who spoke it broke it.


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