Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Book appendix (part 1)


The book is officially out in North America. To celebrate, I thought I would share some source material that I collected to write the book. This is from an email from the friend who first mentioned the word "sociopath" to me:

I remember when you first walked in the office we shared.  Weren't you wearing flipflops?  I was trying to counsel you on how to behave yourself around the office.    And you gave me my own Book of Mormon with highlighted passages!  We talked religion and ethics a lot at first.  Once I found out you had some attraction for the ladies, we started talking about our personal lives. 

So, as far as my arm-chair sociopath diagnosis goes, I remember the following things:
(1) I would exercise my charm on people around the office, including our boss.  (What was her name? I can't remember anymore.)  You would observe me do this and comment on it. Like, complimentary comments.  I thought about that and the way you watched me, as if you were analyzing the interactions.  It reminded me of the way another sociopath friend would analyze how I interacted with people and try to integrate it into his repertoire.  But you had charms of your own, of course.
(2) Your penchant for law and economics and how we would argue about the lack of humanity in the system.  I remember I told you the story of my first-year law school class and how our teacher asked how we might assign ownership of property besides "first-in-time."  People suggested things like first-in-merit, a lottery, etc.  I raised my hands and suggested "first-in-need."  Everyone stared at me and the prof didn't even write it on the board!  When I told you the story, you gave me a look like you couldn't imagine why an intelligent person like me would say something like that . . .
(3) Your attitude toward law school and your job was so . . . emotionally detached.  I don't know exactly how to explain this.  There are a lot of people who go to law school or take jobs as stepping stones to something else, not because they see inherent value or want to help people, etc.  But you were outside of that, even.  You achieved almost effortlessly and didn't seem the least bit anxious about your performance.  It didn't seem like your self esteem hinged on your success--it was easy for you, because you weren't scared the way most of us were.  I didn't see you in action in law school, of course, but you would talk about it and this struck me as interesting.  I was a little envious of your detachment.
(4) You took me to church with you.  And to some anti-sex education class afterward (at the church).  I could see that you had very little, if any, investment in any of what was really being taught.  You claimed to be a Mormon, but it seemed skin-deep to me.  Like you were playing a role you had been assigned and decided to go along with.  I remember thinking: "She doesn't believe any of this; her world-view comes from a completely different place and it's just easier to try to fit in."
(4) You would flirt with me,  a little, but I didn't get the impression that there was any actual feeling behind it, other than that you liked me, found me somewhat interesting and perhaps useful for bouncing ideas off, etc.  I could see myself being attracted to you, but sensed--at some level--that there was something different about you.  I flirted with you back, but not a lot. Just enough to intuit that I could get hurt if I actually let myself develop feelings for you.  (QUEUE FLASHING WARNING LIGHTS!)  My intuition prevented me somehow, even though you were highly attractive.
(5) It was the end of the summer before I finally said the word "sociopath" to you outloud.  You and I were hanging out together outside of work by this point.  I remember you were driving me around town.  It might have been the same day you took me to visit your family. In any case, we were walking outside somewhere and I remember you telling me a story about someone--someone who had been going through something difficult.  You said something like, "I don't know how to react in those types of situations.  I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say or feel."  Now any empath could say something like, given a strange situation--a situation they had never experienced before.  But given all I knew about you and the situation you described (which I can no longer remember), it sort of hit me in a "lightbulb" moment.  I think I said to you, "M.E., have you ever considered that you might be a sociopath?"  I think I explained a little about what I meant, trying not to offend you.  You didn't seem offended at all, but just thoughtful for a minute or two.  I probably explained a little about my sociopath friend and my experience with him.  Maybe you remember more about this than I do.


107 comments:

  1. awww, what a cute story!!! i just bought your book on kindle (;

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    1. do share your opinions of the book. go ahead and write a review at the amazon.com. be kind, very very kind.

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    2. Yes, one of my g/f's is a new bestselling author. The reviews are key.

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    3. You don't have a girlfriend.

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  2. I'll be purchasing the book for sure. I just read an article in Psychology Today and it brought me to this site. I'm absolutely fascinated with this topic.
    Was in a relationship with someone who had to be a sociopath. It's so damned hard to know. I want to know if we ever had a "real" relationship or if it was always some sort of game to them. How can I ever know? Would absolutely love an opportunity to share dialogue with someone who openly identifies themselves a sociopath.
    The question that begs an answer though is why would a sociopath be willing to answer questions about being a sociopath? Isn't the ultimate goal for their to be a direct pay-off of some kind in order for them to engage anyone in any type of genuine way? Is there any genuine way in their world?
    Would appreciate any feedback but honestly am not too hopeful that I'd get any response on this. I will continue my search however, since the relationship I had has made a major impact on my life and after three years, I'm just now finding my way back from the abyss

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    1. i openly identify as a socio, and would be willing to talk about it as long as it interests me

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    2. I remember in high school, I was in a relationship with a girl for a few months. For a while, I'd been bored of her and didn't really feel like spending any more time with her. Suddenly at work one day, I realized I didn't have to! I was pretty excited about not having to see her anymore.

      I went home and called her and broke up with her. I don't remember exactly what I said, but she made it clear that she didn't want to, that we had so much in common, etc.

      At school the next day, someone I knew told me that my ex-girlfriend had called them, crying. I didn't really care, and didn't understand why I should. I didn't break up with her because I wanted to hurt her, only because I didn't want to see her anymore.

      Whatever your experience, was it sudden and traumatic? I really never gave her any social cues to let her know how I felt. I can play nice for the longest time, but I almost never share how I feel about anyone, ever.

      As for your questions, I find people interesting. You appear to be not retarded, and you hold loosely to your opinions, suggesting that you are willing to re-evaluate them. Sometimes I like to help people, to teach them something, to say something nice. My motivations are purely selfish, but what does it matter if I help you for the sake of my own enjoyment, rather than yours?

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    3. The question that begs an answer though is why would a sociopath be willing to answer questions about being a sociopath? Isn't the ultimate goal for their to be a direct pay-off of some kind in order for them to engage anyone in any type of genuine way?

      I don’t identify as a sociopath, so take my answer with a grain of salt. But I’d guess that it’s an interesting game to play, seeing how much you can reveal of your inner nature to a select few without having it come back to bite you later. There’s also the feeling of power that comes from knowing that you have information and insight that someone else wants. It must be akin to the power one feels when playing the role of teacher. Your student needs what you have; maybe even wants to be who you are. It’s a position of authority. Expertise conveys its own brand of power upon the expert.

      Is there any genuine way in their world?

      How genuine is anyone, really? Most people are excellent confabulators. They’re so good at confabulation that they thoroughly manage to fool themselves. Most people are experts at the fine art of self deception.

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    4. Daniel Birdick, you are a cerebral narcissist.

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    5. ^ You have me pondering~

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    6. Awww! That is the sweetest thing anyone has said to me on here in a while. Thanks precious!

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    7. If you've got it, flaunt it!

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    8. @Daniel Birdick "Most people are excellent confabulators." Are you sure you're not a psychopath? That is pure projection.

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  3. On my way to buy it now. I am so excited!

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    1. On your way? To the Internet?

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    2. Yes, what are you the "Figure of Speech" Police?

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    3. Monica steered her sturdy sloop to the dock, salty waves lapping at the hull as she moored. Before her stretched dense forests, trees loaded with unimaginably diverse delights. She had finally arrived at the Amazon.com.

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  4. M.E. how many other people in your daily life are aware you are...M.E.?

    How do you trust them to maintain your anonymity? Do you blackmail them?

    I'm confused, but maybe I shouldn't be. The other day you posted about being in the closet, yet it seems at least one person knew you lacked empathy before you did, and it seems like you'd be taking quite a risk using scenarios that involved other people as excerpts. Maybe you want the risk idk.

    But do you have a small group of people that know the "real you" that you've demanded not to reveal your name?

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    1. Go to Youtube and look up Dr. Phil... also entering the word "sociopath" and you'll see who the author is. Albeit, this woman is wearing a blonde wig to hide her identity somewhat for the sake of her friends and family. Didn't make much sense to me because you can clearly see her face and I doubt the wig is going to do very much as far as hiding her identity. I really didn't see what the big deal was especially when she has a book out there that she's trying to sell. The interview with Dr. Phil was a tad confusing to me personally. I thought I had a general idea what someone being a "sociopath" consisted of, I'm not so sure anymore. I think it was Dr. Phil's reaction to certain comments this author made is what added to my confusion. Just my opinion but I was under the impression that he didn't buy into this woman being a socio... or at least he seemed to be in question? You'll have to judge for yourself by viewing the interview. I wish her good luck on the sale of her book as I would anyone. Good day to all :-)

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  5. Sociopaths seem pretty fearless. Those of you who are sociopaths, what do you fear?

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    1. I fear that my carefully constructed life will fall apart because I've said too much of what I really think and feel. I fear what I'd be capable of if I felt I had nothing to lose.

      Luckily for everyone I have LOTS to lose :)

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    2. How did you know the name of my cat? Did I publicly mention it?

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    3. I said that to identify myself to you and you alone. You're a clever girl, you know who I am :)

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    4. my major fear is very similar to andys. though im not unduly concerned about it being because ive revealed what i am. im more concerned with people figuring out the extent to which i manipulate them and leaving alone, i have spent years building my life and i would hate to have to begin again

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    5. Why do you speak of intestinal related things so often? Do you have some kind of fetish? Or Crohn's disease

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    6. Not a fetish, nor a disease. Stop being clever, it's distressing.

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    7. No, you can't be. Nobody's that good at creating a persona. I'm crazy, just crazy...

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    8. I feel like I'm in a game within a game within a game. Like I said, just crazy talk!

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  6. Does a distressed state aggravate your bowels?

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    1. I like spicy food, bit it's all I've eaten for two days. Fortunately, there's room for only two brains in this body, and so far none of them are up my ass (I hope).

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    2. Again--what are you talking about?

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    3. I currently have an amazing superpower. I can shit fire.

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    4. I know how to milk a mouse. I'm proud of that!

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    5. Actually no. I have literally milked mice.

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    6. Is Andy Glass your legal name?

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    7. What is it? I bet it's Ed or Mark or Mike or Todd or Peter

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    8. Why do you want to know my name? You said you don't like me :(

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    9. Phew, that's good because you were cloooose.

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    10. My name, it's a combo of the letters in those names :)

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    11. Matthew? Raymond? Richard? Andrew...

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    12. You're too smart, I'm not giving you any more clues!

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    13. arnold? arthur? robert? jeremy?

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    14. Why, because you're pretty and I'm lonely and all I want in the world is a friend ? <3

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    15. Are you and Inquire stalking me?

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    16. You've given us your picture, your location, personal information, etc. However, I haven't bothered to try to track you down. I figured that if you wanted people to know exactly who you are, you would have no problem just telling them. Also, I think WE'RE stalking Inquirer.

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    17. God just don't look up my mug shot...

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    18. I've never gotten so much as a speeding ticket. Post the mug shot, I dare you lol.

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    19. Hell no. Not my best look. Also I hate my legal name.

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    20. Just forget about conventional means of transportation. Tell me who you are, I'll go kidnap you and drive you north, you can escape, claw my eyes out, and drive my car the rest of the way to New England!

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    21. No idk who that rolling stones guy is

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  10. Confessions of a Sociopath — a book I don’t want to buy or read.

    Those whiny bitches at LF crack me up! But I will give Ms. Anderson this much credit: she has managed to turn her “victimhood” into a cottage industry. Capitalism is beautiful, no?

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    1. Is LF a common acronym for a website I'm not familiar with? I want to read about people that discuss books they won't read :(

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    2. Love Fraud, started by one Donna Anderson. Ms. Anderson was made a fool of by her "sociopath" years ago and then went on a crusade, all Batman style, minus the money, cool gadgets, intellect and good taste (her hairdo is absurdity itself...) to fight the evil doer anywhere and everywhere. And by anywhere and everywhere, I really mean online only. And by "fight", I really mean provide a place for "victims of sociopaths" to whine and whine and then whine some more.

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    3. Clearly you're buying whatever she's selling if you're au fait with her taste in books.

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    4. Is she not aware of the irony of promoting the book on her website? Also, is M.E. really going to be on Dr. Phil?

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    5. I know. I thought she wanted to protect her identity. What's she going to do, wear a burka?

      On balance, this book is probably a good thing. At least young up-and-coming psychopaths won't feel so alone. ME can be there role model as a functioning psychopath.

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    6. When Amanda Berry turns up on Love Fraud, will you be calling her a whiny bitch?

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    7. "I'm probably going to kill someone some day"

      I think we'll have to pass the role up to someone else.

      Any volunteers?

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    8. I could fake it for publicity. I already know how I'd kill someone if I had to do it. It's easy :)

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  11. Oh by the way folks, don't miss ours truly on Dr.Philly's show tomorrow

    http://www.drphil.com/

    I imagined you to keep a better facade M.E, but you got cute eyes though

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    1. I'm 99% sure the girl with cute eyes is a baby-stealer, and Dr. Phil will talk about M.E.'s book without the pleasure of her company. The value of that publicity probably makes M.E. wet though.

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  12. Here's the PubMed abstract with a link to a paper that looked at people with ASPD in the general population. According to the article, 30% of people with ASPD display no 'instability criteria' that would indicate maladaption to society.

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20420474

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  13. Clearly not, anymouse 2:15. One can be familiar with an author's oeuvre without "buying what they're selling".

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  14. I think I'm understanding what annoys me about you, M.E.-You and your friend are nerds.

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  15. ^^Nerd wasn't the correct word. The word I meant is awkward. The emails you post, the things you write, it's all so awkward. And I read that excerpt from your book about how you impressed these men by discussing classical music...You don't think you have Aspergers or are very narcissistic? There's just something so...unsmooth.

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  16. The reviews on Amazon suggest she tends to go on a bit. Like all the psychopaths I have known. They like to drone on about themselves oblivious to eyes glazing over.

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  17. In answering an earlier question, yes. She did "end it" abruptly. No conversation, nothing. During our "relationship" she used me as a scapegoat behind my back. Blaming me for things I didn't even know had happened, used me for money, drugs, whatever.
    According to her mother, I was the closest person to a "friend" that she had since she was in highschool.
    I also knew her far better than almost anyone she knows. By her own admission, she tries to have no friends and she says feelings and emotions are a waste of time.
    To me, it sounds desperate and lonely. If she is a sociopath/narcissist, is she desperate and lonely or is that just not a possibility?
    She felt something for me. Pity perhaps, I'm not sure. But when she had an opportunity to really, legally put me in harms-way, she refused (she was a paid confidential informant). I heard her refuse.
    Then two Weeks later, she decided she was done with me and the only brief dialogue I've had with her since is when I'd tried to call her mother and she answered telling me her mom had died but she knew I had tried to help and she thanked me twice in that brief call.
    Nothing since. That was two years ago.
    Also, I'm clean and in recovery now so for me honesty is my life. I have only my truth (which I suppose now would make me a perfect target) and while I am open to all opinions, I'm trying to not be naive and protect myself from trusting the wrong people.
    I hope that by understanding her and my relationship with her, that I won't repeat the same mistakes, expecting different results.
    Any thoughts are appreciated and I'm also open to the possibility that she might just be an asshole and *not* sociopathic. So far however, all the checklists I've seen, suggest something else and I'm wondering if I'll ever know for sure.

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    Replies
    1. Sociopaths have their own strange social expectations. For example, when a sociopath chooses not to fuck you over for their own profit, they expect to be treated like they saved a puppy from drowning or something. That's loyalty in the extreme, and if she knew that you saw her decide to spare you, and you didn't get down on your knees and praise her, she may have gotten pissed at you.

      Pure speculation of course, but assuming you didn't heap praise on her, a two-week incubation time seems about right for something like that. Yeah, I know it's weird, but that's how we roll :)

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  18. P.S. If in fact she is Sociopathic, is there any approach that might get her to engage with me in conversation? I have multiple motives to try to speak with her. They aren't as important as just trying my own "game" to see if I'm able to arouse enough interest in her, to want to speak with me.

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    Replies
    1. Oh, yeah. Mention that you really appreciated it when she didn't rat you out when she was a CI. Knowing nothing else, that might get her attention.

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  19. I've actually tried that one. She didn't appreciate my mentioning that "career" choice. I know for sure she was paid to set several people up. All the people we'd rolled with were arrested. Not us though. She got paid, ended our "whatever" it was and two Weeks later, no more talking and she went to Vegas to spend some cash. Also, her criminal record dramatically changed (I checked on a site I used to belong to). Then she worked $100k from an 80yo. man right before he died. She did that right under the noses of his family and friends. It was impressive actually. Sick but impressive.
    I so want to speak with her. I suspect (could be wrong) that she is fearful that I actually know her more than anyone else and that somehow I got past her defenses.
    Again, I don't know anything for sure and for me, that is what frustrates me. Having a brutal time letting it go (as you can tell).

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    1. Two years, shit, you're not kidding! Why is it that you want to talk to her so badly?

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  20. I think it's got something to do with the fact that no one has ever "gotten-over on me" like this before and I want to understand what happened.
    I fell for her hard. Nearly died for her. I feel as though I need to know. She did some horrible things to me during our "run" and I just want to know if anything was real or if she is this other thing.
    She had a boyfriend who committed suicide and she claimed she didn't have any feelings about him or that and she has been "connected" in one way or another regarding at least one more persons death.
    I can't help but wonder what else is in there. I saw some things and heard some things that really made me wonder several things.
    I want an opportunity to try and figure a few things out, now that I have a clear head.

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    1. If she won't talk to you, then she's pretty much done with you. I think you might want to just leave her alone. If she's connected to people dying, she sounds like the kind of person you should be glad you're rid of. I'm sure it was 'real' while it lasted, but it's definitely finished now. Forget about her and keep moving on :)

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    2. I made the mistake of trying to continue to communicate with and learn about my sociopath after she was done using me and it ended very badly. I suggest trying as hard as you can to stay far away from her or you will likely regret it. Sociopaths are like wild animals. They may be cute but they WILL bite and being bit is not funny. There's no limit to the lengths they will go to to hurt you if they want to.

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    3. You need to get on a forum such as Psychopathfree.com - go No Contact, heal and move on with your life.

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    4. psychopathfree has mention the book btw. It is a conspiracy to make the world think that sociopaths are victims, while they are actualy evil monsters :) haha.

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  21. I'm thinking that one of the main differences between a sociopath and an empath is that an empath only wants to hurt people if they feel that those people deserve to be hurt but a sociopath wants to hurt people whether they deserve it or not. Do you all agree?

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    1. You're sort of on the right track. Empaths care whether or not they hurt people, sociopaths don't. Whether someone deserves something or not is completely irrelevant.

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    2. Wrong. Empaths don't give a shit either.

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    3. Right, right. Empaths deflect blame for any of there actions that cause another pain such that they accept no responsibility for what they've done. I forget sometimes :)

      I have idealized images of empaths and sociopaths in my mind, I sometimes forget that everyone's a uniquely pungent asshole.

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    4. My fucking god I spelled 'their' wrong, shoot me.

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    5. empaths are also less inclined to hurt people for their own amusement. socios often do

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    6. In my experience, a true empath NEVER wants to hurt a person, whether they deserve it or not. They are gentle, forgiving souls.

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    7. they do have a breaking point though. everyone does, if you piss them off enough they will try and get back at you. thats when the fun starts

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  22. Not true about empaths not giving a shit. Some empaths go to great lengths to avoid hurting others and would feel horrible if they did.

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  23. Andy, I've read on here that sociopaths see others like robots that stop working when you're done interacting with them. Is this how you see others too? If so, do you ultimately know that even though you see them that way, they are actually thinking, feeling beings like you?

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  24. I'm entirely aware that the people around my are thinking and feeling, the center of their own universe, just as I am of mine. I simply don't share their pain, or their joy. It's not infectious. The excitement of others rarely spurs mine, which throws people off. It makes me seem like a robot, but I just tell people that I usually don't get excited easily, and they take it in stride.

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  25. Anon 7:31
    Thank you. That is incredibly sound advice. I think I'll option that suggestion.
    I'm still enthralled on the topic but will count myself as getting off "easy" and try to just let it be.
    The only other thing is that once in awhile (every six months or so), she calls my phone, doesn't say anything and hangs up. Maybe to see if I've changed my number. No idea.. Maybe even to keep me "on the hook" somehow?
    Dunno but again, thanks for the clarity you've all provided. Now I shall just become a "lurker"

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    Replies
    1. Posted a message to you above Dakman. Block her number. Stop her games, she wants to see if you're still dangling at the end of the hook.

      Delete

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