Friday, May 17, 2013

Book appendix (part 4)

From an interview with my mother:


It was hard for me when you were born.  Baby number three is always hard because when there’s two there’s one for each parent, but when there are three it’s hard.  And you came so close to Jim.  And Jim was taking his sweet time getting potty trained, so I had both of you in diapers for like a year.  And that was before the disposable diapers were popular and they were expensive so we had cloth diapers and I had to wash them and hang them out on the line because we didn’t have a dryer.  So it seemed like that was my whole life was taking care of babies, changing diapers, washing them, hanging them out.  I think that was the time I went a little nutso.  I remember I just started freaking out sometime and dad had to call grandpa and have him come over and talk me out of it.  I don’t know, just the stress and everything probably piled up.  In those days I wasn’t very good about keeping on an even keel.  I’d let thing build up and build up and then just start flipping out.  

We thought you were perfectly healthy, but you had thrush at birth and the thrush got worse, which made you not want to nurse.  I would try to calm you down by nursing you.  You would just be upset and there was nothing we could do to get you to stop crying.  You would cry until you were exhausted and then sleep for a while.  So that was a very trying time.  Finally, I don’t remember how old you were until we finally took you into the doctor, and they checked you out and said you had thrush.  You had a herniated navel too, probably because you were crying so violently.  That was sad, my poor baby.  I just remember the family get together at the beach when you were crying and everyone was trying to be the one to hold you and calm you down but nobody could do it so I just took you and went away with you walking around the whole park.  I would sometimes just leave you in a room to cry.  There was nothing else to do.  I put you on your stomach on the water bed because you seemed to like it.  So you would cry and fuss, the waterbed would rock you and you would finally go to sleep.  In some ways I think that made us bond more because I was very emotionally involved with you and protective of you, wanting to fix what was wrong and wanting you to be better, happier and healthy.  So I think I was maybe a little extra attached to you.  Dad would be the one who would say, “Just put her in a room and shut the door.”  Because we lived in that little dinky house, so there wasn’t anywhere where you could escape the noise.  I wonder what Jim and Scott thought of that.  I don’t remember focusing on them at all, I was just so wrapped up in you.  Poor Jim, because he was just a little guy.  He probably got ignored a lot when this screaming baby came along and kicked him out of mama’s world.  

I can’t remember hardly anything about your childhood. I remember you drowning as a child.  I can’t remember who noticed you back there but then when I saw you, it seemed like you had let go of the boat.  But I just remembered feeling totally frantic and I remembered just having this sick feeling and praying that you would be ok.  It seems like we had to go down the river a little to be able to pull over to the side of the river.  I can’t remember how they called to get people to come help.  I ran up the beach, sick with worry.  I guess you just kind of came to and started breathing.  You seemed to be pretty much ok.  I mean kind of out of it a little, but I was just happy you were conscious and breathing and back with us.  

I remember when you had your appendix problem.  I always thought that I was pretty good at reading my kids, knowing what was wrong with them, but you were super hard to read.  And we had never had anything serious happen with the kids before, so this was a first for us. I didn’t really know or think there was something that was seriously wrong because you weren’t even acting serious until you developed a fever.  But when we went in there and it had ruptured and you were so sick, I was mad at myself for not having taken you in sooner.  But you were really good at being closed off, showing a brave front and going off and doing your thing and you didn’t really care if you were sick or let little pains get in the way.  You were just off doing yourself.  So I guess your common sense with your health wasn’t that great.  Because I remember you went and even played in a tournament with your appendix either ruptured or about to rupture.  So that was crazy.  I can’t even comprehend someone being able to do that.  

I remember you hated the hospital and always tried to get dad to eat your food, which wasn’t very hard.  And I remember he had to finish your breakfast that morning so you would get out of there and wanted to get out so bad.  And then you had to be in a wheelchair for like 5 days after.  And I remember you being at school and seeing how the kids were fawning over you and I realized that you had a lot of friends and people that cared about you.  And you seemed to be in pretty good spirits about the whole thing.  It’s not like you were like, “I’m in a wheelchair and this sucks.”  I think you were kind of enjoying a new experience.  But I think you were happy to get better—get back to your fast paced life.  You wouldn’t have lasted in a wheelchair that long for sure.



62 comments:

  1. Beautifully written. Very poignant.

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    1. it is the saddest of all posts. It comes at a good time, when viewers saw only the mask, not the hard past, explaining the hard girl.

      Good going ME. You tell the world what happened when you were a little baby!


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  2. Your mom seems so aloof about it all, like she's always on benzos or something. If you had to deal with that level of emotional neglect as a child, it's not surprising to me at all that you went to school more mind than heart.

    I wonder if emotional and cognitive intelligence aren't always in a tug of war. My guess is that you're like me, vastly exceeding your parents in ability and achievement. Would you still be that way if you'd been nurtured properly, or would areas of your mind now burgeoning with intellect be filled with thoughts of ponies, butterflies, sunshine, hugs, and kisses?

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    1. I can't really imagine something worse than having stupid and deluded parents.

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  3. Judging from your portrayal of your parents in you book, I wonder if I might not have turned out a bit like you did. Your mother does indeed seem detached and aloof. Saying that she does not remember much about your childhood is very telling - if you say you don't remember, then you are saying you can't be held responsible for anything that happened. Weird.

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  4. Who said life is easyMay 17, 2013 at 6:51 AM

    This looks like a case of getting a lot of attention from mom and not much at all from dad. We know what that sort of imbalance breeds.

    I read somewhere that many of the borderline babies are those who cry excessively right from the beginning, as if they know by birth how to seek attention and use manipulation. Or, it's like a chicken and egg thing once they see the reaction to their cries they keep on crying.

    In ME's case for example, her mom says she literally forgot about the one who was just a little older and turned all her attention to ME. This sort of deal breeds narcissism and separation anxiety while putting a strong front.

    More and more I also started to see that ME is more a borderline. All on the spectrum, of course, maybe more on the sociopathic side compared to a really self-harming borderline, and more on the borderline side compared to a full-fledge psycopath.

    She really should not come out given already how many people are repulsed by her statements.

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    1. If that sounds like a caring, attentive mother to you, then you have some problems. M.E.'s classification aside, that sounds like a terrible environment to develop as a baby. Are you aware that we learn more in the first couple years of life than in all the decades that follow?

      I strongly urge you to consider the effects of neglecting an infant before you consider reproducing, unless you've already made that mistake.

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    2. Is it possible for an adult to fully recover from neglect as an infant, and live a fully realised life?

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    3. That's like asking if a child's bones can grow to full length if he was locked in a tiny box as a baby. The brain has some plasticity, but any damage done to an infant's developing mind is irreparable.

      So no, the effects of neglect are pervasive and permanent.

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    4. andy, so the adult will always feel like an outsider, unacceptable, unlovable, somewhat expecting to be neglected over and over.

      What if the adult gets someone the way MBrig got someone....an exceptional person who wont leave, who shows amazing compassion, a person who will be there when there is an expectation of neglect, a person who simply does not give up, no matter how much they feel need to negate the love?

      They cannot heal even after there is a someone who shows they will always be there loking at them, fulfilling the baby's needs? There's no healing?

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    5. don't listen to andy.

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    6. I didn't say you could never be happy, but you will never be whole as most people would describe it.

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  5. I think Jesus can heal all things but only Jesus because you need love to heal. You missed it the first time around, so what are you gonna do? Try to get it from obsessive relationships, most likely. We all know how that goes.

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  6. I don't want to offend you or anything but this person sounds like a narcissist to me. Maybe it's just me, but it seems the way she uses I a lot; about situations with you she focuses on how she felt. Anyway interesting read.

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  7. http://abovethelaw.com/2013/05/sources-and-dr-phil-offer-insights-author-of-confessions-of-a-sociopath-who-might-be-this-law-professor/#disqus_thread

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  8. Should be this one. That one takes you to the comment thread at the end of the article.

    http://abovethelaw.com/2013/05/sources-and-dr-phil-offer-insights-author-of-confessions-of-a-sociopath-who-might-be-this-law-professor/

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    1. So, your name is Jamie? I had a neighbor named Jamie, she was always nice :)

      Are you experiencing the "Oh God what have I done? Shit, shit, shit!" feeling? I always hated that one.

      Maybe you can lawyer your way out of this one? Don't leave us, I got your back :)

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    2. Yep, it's Jamie. She should've, at the very LEAST, done something to better disguise those two very distinguishing moles on her chin.

      "I never talk about my gender, or even strictly about my ethnicity, or any other demarcating personal characteristics. I hope that by doing so I will be a blank slate."

      While I can respect anyone's desire to remain anonymous, I must say that Jamie's fatal flaw is that she assumes that people are so much less intelligent than she is, that they will be easily fooled. She doesn't have to try very hard to disguise herself because people are just too stupid to figure it out anyway.

      And as much as she says she wants to remain anonymous, the truth is obvious that the desire to be in the spotlight and to receive the accolades that come from writing an already infamous book, made it so that she couldn't resist appearing in person, in a half-hearted disguise, on national television.

      Just own it already, lady.

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    3. So, do we all agree that she is just a narcissist?
      Oh, god, another one no!

      Delete
  9. We out here tryna function

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  10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhvtRykqpQk

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  11. Little Bunny Foo FooMay 17, 2013 at 1:58 PM

    Walking through the forest. Scooping up the field mice and BOPPING em on the head.

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    1. Pretty sure boppinemonda is one word.

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  12. ME is a cocky little bitch, eh? LMAO

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    1. Fuck if I know. Way to much reading material for me :x

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    2. Holy fucking flying Jesus on monkeys! I meant too (:

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  13. Do you think she really wanted to be fired or she was that stupid? I mean, as stupid as to think that people were stupid?

    Jessi

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    1. Given the fact that she did nothing to alter the appearance of her face, including failing to conceal the two prominent moles on her chin, I find it hard to believe that she went into this without knowing she'd probably be outed in short order, but how short? (The interesting question for me is, did she overestimate how long it would take?). She had to know AboveTheLaw (among others) would pick this up (they pick up everything)and their site is so widely read by law students nationwide that it was only a matter of time before one of her students named her.

      As it turns out, it took 24 hours from the time ATL posted their first story to the time when they posted her name.

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    2. When she talked about coming out probably she suspected how this would end if she appeared at Dr,Phil's. But then, why not to appear as helself and not with that ridiculous wig and accent? Why to embarrass herself by doing something poorly?

      Jessi

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  14. Well hello JaM.E.

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  15. It is interesting because my spath is also entering a self-destruction phase. I very intrigued.

    Jessi

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    1. Quasi? I came to have a look after I saw the increase in number of comments and then... Waw, Jamie out of the closet!

      Jessi

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  16. Hopefully M.E. won't ditch the blog.

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  17. I agree that this is self-destruction. She has even said that she has a pattern of self-destructing every few years. I do wonder, however, if she made the decision to destruct (by going on Dr. Phil) consciously.

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  18. Okay Jamie, damage control.

    The only card we have to play here is the victim card. When I look at the PCL-R and think myself to be a psychopath, I rate myself higher. When I examine objectively my day-to-day actions, I rate myself much lower. Thoughts and intentions are not crimes, and we can't be punished for them legally (yet).

    So, you are emotionally stunted due likely to neglect as an infant, and yet you've managed to be very successful as a law professor. The memoir consists entirely of embellished accounts of your past, misinterpreted through psychopath goggles that don't accurately reflect the events that transpired.

    Thus, whatever your mental condition may be, it does not interfere with your ability to do your job. In fact, your mental condition largely results in the execution of self-destructive acts, such as appearing on Dr. Phil, that cause no harm to anyone but yourself, and even then the harm is not to your physical body, but to your social status. You were so wrapped up in your identity as a sociopath that your buried conscience led you to punish yourself.

    This mental disorder, then, that does not affect your ability to work, should be treated as an emotional disability more similar to autism than psychopathy, and any attempt to restrict your ability to do the job you were hired to do based on that disability is illegal.

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    1. "Emotional disability more similar to autism than psychopath" is an interesting view. Could this blog simply be M.E.'s aka Jamie's obsession with the idea that she might be a sociopath because her friend raised that issue? Autistic people are certainly prone to obsessions and some high functioning ones like those with Asperger's can be manipulative but it is more of a defense mechanism than an intent to cause harm. Most on that end of the spectrum have good intentions. If they don't like someone, they don't both with them. I don't know what M.E's true diagnosis is but I do not think she is a sociopath after watching her on Dr Phil. I thought she did a very poor job of reading/manipulating Dr. Phil on the spot. A true sociopath would have done better unless she was deliberately trying to muddy the waters of her diagnosis but that doesn't seem like a smart way to sell people on her book. The two sociopaths that I know personally (one male, one female) are both so charming and at complete ease when they are putting on a show for someone. M.E. came across more as friendly in BPD way rather than charming like the sociopath she claims to be and she had a nervous laugh.

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    2. The firing should not be related to what she said, but if she really used and abused people in the past, those actions are accountable.

      Jessi

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    3. " A true sociopath would have done better" anon, 6:30

      I would like to see those sociopaths you know in front of Dr.Phil saying they are sociopaths. You might have a too positive opinion about sociopaths social skills. One thing is to be charming in a non challenging social context, were people look at the sociopath with eyes of trust, and another to be watched as a possible sociopath.

      Jessi

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    4. "you are emotionally stunted due likely to neglect as an infant"

      That's a very sociopathic sentence. Not all kids with Jamie's life would have become users and abusers. Many mothers do work,( like many fathers do work!), and apparently her mother is a nice woman. Jamie has some issues but neglect of her mother is not the cause. And YOU are also accountable for your misconducts and YOU are neither superior to anybody else, neither the stupid nor the chihuahuas ;)

      Jessi

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  19. this has inside edition written all over it

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    1. this is a complete disaster!!! ME lets hide under the blankets together :O

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  20. I feel sad if that is ME and she didn't want it to come out. Many of us here really care about you and I, for one, feel sad and hope that this was your plan xx

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    1. Monica backs up sociopaths or self-destroyers nowMay 17, 2013 at 4:27 PM

      You were just as out of conrol with your identity when you first came out here. What were you thinking? Maybe we can gain some insight from what you were thinking in to the mind of ME. And, this pust you on the spotlight, oh my.

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    2. Well, the good news is, even if YOU'RE sad for her, she's not sad for herself!

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    3. No, sad no, but angry... Brrrrr

      Jessi

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  21. Since I've enrolled in law school I have got involved with some crazy mindf*ckers and this blog had helped me for two years now to dodge bullets and recover wounds inflicted by emotionally handicapped people. Thank you M.E.

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  22. I am almost finished reading the book, and while I enjoyed it and found it to be very interesting, I don't believe that Jamie is a sociopath. I do, however, think it's quite possible that SHE truly believes she is. I haven't come across anything that has said how she was diagnosed, but I just don't think she fits the bill of sociopath. The fact that she thinks she is one, is likely a result of some sort of mental disorder, but I don't think sociopathy is an accurate diagnoses.

    Having said that, if she IS in fact a sociopath, then I truly hope that people will actually take the time to read her book before writing her off as a fraud based soley on her unfortunate Dr. Phil interview. I also hope that readers will read all the way through to the end because if they stop halfway through, they are likely to miss the more endearing chapters towards the end of the book that show that Jamie is capable of loving other people and does very much.

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    1. Did you buy it or downloaded it on the internet? I think I'll read it.

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    2. Downloaded the audio version and listened to it over the last 2 days. I started reading it before I'd seen the Dr. Phil interview, which I'm glad of because I'm not sure I would have bought it if I'd seen the interview first.

      I've now finished the entire thing and I really wish M.E. had of put the part of the epiloge in which she discusses her reasons for trying to remain anonoymous as well as her expectations as to whether or not that would actually happen. She also says that if you really want to know who she is, then email her and she will gladly tell you, but that in return, she asks that you keep her name private and allow other to find it out for themselves. Obviously she didn't realize how quickly her true identity would be found out following the Dr. Phil interview. I'm sure she now wishes she had sat behind one of those dark screen instead of showing her face.

      I would recommend reading the book. It's insightful and interesting, as well as educational. I was interested throughout the entire book.

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  23. In the book she took several tests and was diagnosed by doctors. She Is a primary Sociopath, not a secondary.

    Distinction is type of illegal behavior, among other things.

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  24. What chapter does she talk about being diagnosed? Because I somehow missed that part. Or maybe forgot, who knows.

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  25. It feels as though I'm the only one here who hasn't seen the full Dr.Phil episode yet.

    Can i find it somewhere online?

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  26. That is one ugly baby. No wonder you're such a mess.

    But in all seriousness, get a life you nerdy faggot.

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  27. Not only does she discuss the testing she underwent at length, the shrink's report is actually printed in the opening pages of the book.

    ReplyDelete

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