Saturday, May 18, 2013

Book appendix (part 5)

(cont. from interview with my mother):


Sometimes I feel guilty for it because I know I was gone, being on the stage and trying to figure out what would bring happiness in my life and I was gone way too much. I should have been home more and keeping tabs on things.  

I know you were always closed off, like affection.  You weren’t ever very affectionate, as far as hugging.  You were kind of closed off emotionally.  I don’t ever remember you crying.  Instead of you being sad, you usually chose to be angry.  That was your emotion of choice.  It seems like when you got angry, you would just get in someone’s face verbally and then you would try to get that person to have their own emotional explosion.  I remember you would try to push dad’s buttons and get him to get really mad.  It’s almost like you liked the emotional turmoil of anger and every now and then you would feed into that and make it happen.  Then things would calm down, until they would build up again.  But I don’t know. Dad was like that too.  But it seemed like you and he butted heads a lot.  I don't remember you ever being sad or hurt.  Even when you were in the hospital with the physical hurt, you weren’t crying or sad.  You know, like a normal person would do.  Especially girl.  You know teenage girls, they would cry over stuff, be hurt or have their feelings hurt.  I don’t remember you ever being like that.  So you were definitely not the typical teenage girl.  I think that’s why you didn’t have a lot of teenage girl friends. Most of your friends were boys, maybe because you related to them a lot more.  Boys aren’t very emotional, they’re more thinking.   

I think you have a little ADD.  It’s hard for you to focus on one thing at a time.  You have to be doing like 3 things at once, even in church you’ll be doing multiple things.  You can’t focus on one thing at a time, or at least not for very long.  But I also think you’re always just thinking about things and wondering about things, so something will catch your interest and you’ll want to explore that.  You’re kind of an explorer type of personality; you like to explore new and different things.

In the way that you did far more and went far more than any of the other kids, that was a little bit of a surprise because I don’t think it was anything normal. You were like super child, going out and doing things far beyond what was expected.

I don’t think you’re trying to corrupt people, but I think you like to do things for shock value—just throw things out there and see how they land, see how they would fly. So I think I was a little uncomfortable with your influence over your younger siblings. I think you’re influential. Sometimes I see the whole family bending to what you want to do and I think we have set you or accepted you in that role of figuring out what we want to do or how we are going to do it, and I think we enjoy that. And I don’t think you carry it too far either. I don’t think you’re too pushy about it. But you are definitely a natural born leader. I think that’s what makes you such a good teacher. I think you’re influential because you’re smart and determined and passionate about the things you want to do, and I think people tend to want to follow someone like that. I think the family follows you because we know you’re smart and efficient and you can figure out probably the best way of doing things and you have novel and fun ideas. You’re always full of ideas. And you’re always coming up with good ways of solving problems or making things happen smoothly.

I remember one time when I was super proud of you, singing this particular song I like. That was a proud moment because you were just up there saying I’m my own person, I don’t care what other people do to me, I’m going to live my life the way I want to.  And I was just proud of you for that.  I don’t think I’ve ever been that way.  I’m getting to be more and more that way, but I used to not be.  I used to be codependent, trying to manipulate people from the wings but never really voicing my opinion and saying what I wanted, what I needed.  I was always kind of in the shadows.  That’s why I liked the stage I think, because I could be somebody else, another person.  And I was good at it and people thought I was wonderful, so I think that’s why I kind of got addicted to the stage.  

I think the book is kind of cool.  I see it as another step in your healing and becoming more your own person.  Kind of dealing with all of the stuff that’s happened to you and figuring out who you really are.  I think the book is part of this process.  

46 comments:

  1. If M.E.´s mom would know everything sge M.E. exposed here, would she still be convinced that her offspring isn´t evil?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. nobody wants to believe their baby is evil unless their baby does unthinkable cruelty proven premeditated.

      Delete
  2. Those books Tucker Max wrote supposedly helped him figure out his issues. He also saw a shrink. TM thinks he's going to hell. (IHTSBIH, it's in the title).

    Another guy, Sam Vaknin, who is diagnosed ASPD (though he focuses on NPD) wrote quite a bit about psychopathy. His works don't seem to glamorize the personality, rather he asserts his aim is to warn. He didn't study law though, he's only got some mail-ordered PhD.

    LDS life seems completely inconsistent with having an absence of empathy. Of course, it's hard to gauge how invested one has to be to actually believe the tenets of the LDS doctrine rather than to merely tithe, teach it on Sundays, and say they're a mormon. A person diagnosed with ASPD who breaks away from religious traditions isn't hard to imagine though.

    If this Confessions book helps with validation, that's good, but it's certainly going to change the way the legal community perceives things. Whatever impact the book, this blog, and lawyering have had individually is just that. The Dr. Phil interview from Wednesday took away the mystery. Collectively, all this material is eye-opening.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes malkovich is better looking
      grapje

      Delete
    2. jij haar boek besteld?
      (ik wel)

      Delete
    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  4. remember one time when I was super proud of you, singing this particular song I like. That was a proud moment because you were just up there saying I’m my own person, I don’t care what other people do to me, I’m going to live my life the way I want to. And I was just proud of you for that. I don’t think I’ve ever been that way. I’m getting to be more and more that way, but I used to not be. I used to be codependent, trying to manipulate people from the wings but never really voicing my opinion and saying what I wanted, what I needed. I was always kind of in the shadows. That’s why I liked the stage I think, because I could be somebody else, another person. And I was good at it and people thought I was wonderful, so I think that’s why I kind of got addicted to the stage.

    hpd/npd?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like this comment. If sociopaths (and wannabe sociopaths like dear Jamie) would stop manipulating people with what would they truly wanna feel their time with?

      Jessi

      Delete
    2. *fill

      Jessi

      Delete
    3. @ 417
      why does this sound like narcissism? it sounds like a person more comfortable with a script and hiding. i dont think that is a narcissist or hpd thing. She may not have been in touch with herself. Why does that spell npd or hpd?? unable to show an inner life for some reason does not mean delusional person propping herself up. I think ME's mother sounds shy.

      My narcissistic associates are full of themselves, put people down and think they are better than others. This person is in touch with self as private or hidden.

      Mother sounds like she genuinely admires the child and does not criticize, whilst my n parent did criticize and put others down, making herself the connoisseur on what is good and what is bad. She has disdain. This mother loves her child the way the child is.

      If i am off on this, 417 please explain.

      Delete
  5. Zeker geen grapje, het 'smelly bruin' kostuum en bril waren een ramp. Mijn wijn is bijna op, kan jij me een verse fles bezorgen?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. whiskey is myn ding en tegenwoordig ook gintonic als the weer the toelaat

      Delete
    2. How's business Dave?

      Delete
    3. ik heb maar 2 verslavingen escortgirles en koffie
      sta jij op rode lichten d?

      Delete
    4. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y-0Bz_e6EQ

      Delete
    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    6. click here

      as a woman, I don't think you're more attractive than him. You've got a weak chin that's ruining your entire face as well as a huge forehead, a tiny mouth and signs of baldness.

      Klootzak. Smeerlap. Eikel.

      Delete
  6. I think Dr Phil cheapened M.E's desire to let people in to the mind of a sociopath. Dr Phil did not treat her with the respect she deserved.

    If you go on Dr.Phil, he will use you to make himself look good. That is what I took from it. Dr Phil is all about Dr Phil and not about the relevancy of the content.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Considering that guy's credentials are rooted in psychology, and he's been a psychologist almost 35 years, he could easily be just as confrontational privately (if he were still practicing), without worrying about viewership or profits from his show. Sociopaths sit down with shrinks who attack how he does all the time, but in private settings.

      Lots of people act the way he does, without formal training in psychology. That public perception of sociopathy Dr. Phil feeds on doesn't make him the victor, and his ridicule doesn't necessarily make the personality-disordered guests of his show villains.

      Sociopaths are tenacious people, people who aren't discouraged by attacks like this. Respect obviously isn't what's at stake here with the book, or the interview. If a sociopath wants to attempt to grow this way, then an obstacle like a televised rebuke, or propaganda from commentators within the sociopath's professional field won't maim that desire. A sociopath does what a sociopath wants, it's just a matter of how and when it's accomplished. Determining any consistency in that kind of process is impossible though.

      Dr. Phil and the telephoned "co-worker/friend" were at best commenting on an overview of the state of mind a sociopath is in, not the nuts and bolts of what's going on within. They can't accurately reach that conclusion, and no one can, and that's the whole point. Otherwise, there would be no ASPD.

      Delete
    2. "...been a psychologist almost 35 years."

      Sweetheart, you say that likes it's one of Dr. Phil's virtues. For examples of where his mindset resides, gun any search engine to the way he observed his "doctor-patient confidentiality" in the Britney Spears evaluation. He was there for the cameras, not for her. In my book, that makes him a disgrace to his profession.

      "A sociopath does what a sociopath wants..."

      Doing what one wants is surely more a human goal, rather than a characteristic of sociopathy. You're making vague statements with no backing/coherent examination, which includes you in the cadre of gentle folk who watch Red Dragon three times and view themselves as an Armchair Starling.

      As for our dear friend ME, well, sweetie, save it for the diary under your mattress. If you truly are a sociopath, then we can all let out a sigh of relief. You'd be the easiest offender to catch.

      But, ladies, gentlemen and the omnipresent Internet, that ain't the case. Sociopaths are real. And they ain't hiding behind a blog.

      That's the whole damn problem.

      Delete
    3. You're delusional. So sweetheart, what's the title of your book? Let me read it so that I can tell you about its lack of virtue. I digress.

      Were Dr. Phil a therapist and if Spears or any other of his guests met the criteria to classified as his patient, then the whole ethical hoopla involving doctor-patient confidentiality would matter. Here, Dr. Phil's profession is in entertainment. Like I mentioned, Dr. Phil is retired from his Texas practice. It's not even hard to find on any search engine, you gunner! Follow this link:
      https://licensing.hpc.state.tx.us/datamart/detailsTXHPC.do?anchor=12a0a96.0.0
      You should be ashamed you're so readily able to cite another show where Dr. Phil has capitivated, as you have demonstrated, a feeble audience, with his sensational approach to televised therapeutic tecnique. Yeah, shrinks everywhere are jumping on the bandwagon to do all their talk therapy like Dr. Phil does because they now can now circumvent the ethical constraints for their occupation that involves entertainment. You're a dumb old twit.

      Delete
    4. https://licensing.hpc.state.tx.us/datamart/searchByName.do Search By Individual: "McGraw, Phil." He is retired.

      Delete
  7. Dr Phil is a meanie verbally outclassing the poor defensless sociopath
    lmao

    ReplyDelete
  8. Isn't this FITTING. A site devoted to "socios". And, how totally PREDICTORY...:p I am sure you're saying to yourselves.." How DARE anyone say we are predictable.." ..lol (You are also emotionally primitive and easy to spot!) You all don't like to be "labelled" and yet you spend so much time on socio definitions and lists and...giving yourselves "labels". Sociopathic people like to target me. I'm the kind of person that socios see as one whose emotions can be "exploited"...resulting in weak attempts to manipulate or "toy" with my fundamental morality, generosity, and depth of character for their own gain... lol. My emotions don't weaken, they STRENGTHEN. Oh, and btw, EVERYONE on Earth is a sociopath, it's in the DNA of the HUMAN Race...it's just that some of us have more emotionally, spiritually and intellectually...EVOLVED. :) Anyway have a trite, selfserving, ultimately unfulfilling eternity, sociopaths!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Daddy always said don't stick your dick in crazy, and honey, you qualify.

      Delete
    2. is your daddy boring?

      Delete
    3. They say that the measure between genius and insanity is success. I'm sick of our society portraying humans as these moral supreme beings. Only the strong survive according to Darwin, and sociopathy would give anyone a winning advantage. I think everyone is somewhere on that spectrum, and whether something is morally right/wrong doesn't mean that it isn't an important survival trait.

      I'm not a psychology major, like Dr. Phil, I'm a biology major. I can tell you about male lions invading another pride, and eating the lion cubs of the defeated to eliminate any future competition. Is cannibalism morally right? No. But one does what they can for their survival.

      "Crazy" in my eyes is the individual who believes in fairytales. In good guys vs. bad guys. The world is not so black and white, I'm sure we'd all like to live life the "proper" way, but sometimes our survival overcomes everything else.

      Delete
    4. No, no, not " only the strong survive", the more adapted survived, said Darwin. But what is to be more adapted? You will see it with time.... And when I imagine a sociopath population and an empath population I get a hunch on what will be the trait that will make one of those groups survive rather than the other...

      Jessi

      Delete
    5. And for god's sake! It has absolutely nothing to do with morality!

      Jessi

      Delete
    6. "Oh, and btw, EVERYONE on Earth is a sociopath, it's in the DNA of the HUMAN Race...it's just that some of us have more emotionally, spiritually and intellectually...EVOLVED."

      'Evolved' in CAPS Lock.
      Jesus, lady.

      I'm with Andy Glass's old man on this one.
      Take a pill and another hit of gin, Sylvia Plath!

      PS> argument about sociopathy being "absolutely nothing to do with morality." I had a dry chuckle at that one.

      Delete
  9. I would like to know how ME felt after the challenging interview with Dr.Phil. I don't know if ME is really taking herself serious her healing process, but in the very unprobable case that she does, it would be very sad that the interview pushes her out of that track by feeling angry at the whole thing. I think she should take the positive side of it: her self-reflection make her disqualify as a sociopath in Dr.Phil's eyes. If her goal was to sell more books that was bad, but if her goal was to heal herself, that's good news.

    Jessi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i dont think it was a best representation of er/him, and that is why i think ME is putting the mother's take. People will generally take a mother's view more valid , even though mother will be biased. ME wants to preserve reputation after a shit representation. These last few posts are an attempyt to save her rep. It is understandable and it should happen. If you have been reading hee for a while, you know ME wants to be understood as a sociopath with struggles who wants sympathy. This is what i take. I do not see a person fake and bragging when i read here.

      Do people see HAven as a shitty person? I know a pwrson with bpd who is a good person, just maybe with inner dialog not shared.

      I have inneer dialog not shared.

      You want to put a person on the spot, or you want to put yourself on the spot and try to reveal the self, there will be a lot of foot-in-mouth aspects. I cabnnot imagine saying the truth about what i think on tv like that.

      who is to say what me's mo is?. If it is self destructive, (like playing with social knives) it is a compulsion to blow up the self. To what end? Social death? Maybe that's what ME feels like doing. Maybe ME wants to put the self to bed by revealing the self.

      Delete
  10. ME looked like she was having a blast up there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You sure sound like an exoert in body language-NOT.

      Delete
  11. but shes smiling alot. people smile when theyre happy right?

    ReplyDelete
  12. The first step to improve oneself is to know where you stand and who you are. Self-exposal can serve to that purpose. The worse attitude to improve on anything is to think is to think too good of yourself. Still wondering why she did what she did.

    Jessi

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi Chet :)

    Jessi

    ReplyDelete
  14. Replies
    1. Me? I will check from time to time. The interview got my attention. I wonder if Jamie will talk about it.

      Jessi

      Delete

Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.