Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I'm not an addict

People have suggested to me several times that drugs might enhance my ability to "feel," particularly MDMA or cannabis. I haven't tried either, but even if I were to feel different things I think my brain would reject them as not coming from me. Already when I have emotional hallucinations, I basically ignore them as being quirks in my brain chemistry, like you might ignore voices in your head. I think the same would go double for narcotics, particularly if I knowingly consumed them as opposed to be drugged.

Sociopaths are supposedly prone to addiction. I can sort of see why that might be true for some--chronic boredom would mean self medication in some form or another. I have never been drawn to narcotics, though, in fact I would say that I affirmatively dislike them because they hamper my brain function/control. Not only do I not like narcotics, a recent study, discussed in this NY Times article, suggests that sociopath's brains may make them particularly unsusceptible to addiction. The article first discusses how addicts tend to have an underactive reward system in the brain:
Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, has shown in several brain-imaging studies that people addicted to such drugs as cocaine, heroin and alcohol have fewer dopamine receptors in the brain’s reward pathways than nonaddicts. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter critical to the experience of pleasure and desire, and sends a signal to the brain: Pay attention, this is important.

When Dr. Volkow compared the responses of addicts and normal controls with an infusion of a stimulant, she discovered that controls with high numbers of D2 receptors, a subtype of dopamine receptors, found it aversive, while addicts with low receptor levels found it pleasurable.

This finding and others like it suggest that drug addicts may have blunted reward systems in the brain, and that for them everyday pleasures don’t come close to the powerful reward of drugs.
In contrast, there is research that suggests that sociopaths have an overactive reward system, which would presumably make them largely immune ("aversive") to at least certain substance addictions.

Interestingly, the article cites the borderline personality disordered as being particularly susceptible to addiction ("People with borderline personality disorder, who struggle to control their impulses and anger, often resort to drugs and alcohol to soften their intolerable moods."). Is this possibly a way to distinguish between the brains of sociopaths versus those with BPD for purposes of diagnosis? If so, it might be a step toward ending the gender stereotype for sociopathy and BPD.

In any case, those facing drug addiction problems can always rely on Vermont addiction services or other similar programs across the United States for treatment help.

486 comments:

  1. Brandon Marshal...l

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  2. This finding and others like it suggest that drug addicts may have blunted reward systems in the brain, and that for them everyday pleasures don’t come close to the powerful reward of drugs.

    I hate studies like these, or at least ones that are explained like this. Useless; assumptions. Clearly it's possible that the drug use turned off certain receptors, not the other way around.

    Also, it's like, of course masturbation is not going so seems as rewarding as it used to be once you start having sex. And one man's penis you used to love is not going to seem so great once you experience a more magnificent one.

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  3. Entertaining thought. I am generally mystified by addicts. I understand the desire to do drugs and I love a good high (though I prefer stimulants to narcotics), but I can't imagine "get drugs" as a serious motivation.

    Especially coffee/energy drinks. What's that about? "I must ingest this foul-tasting beverage or I will get a headache and be an asshole." At least heroin addicts have the decency to die in their hovels instead of insistently exposing themselves to the world. /seinfeld

    If you can't get your substance of choice, just don't do it. Is that really difficult?~

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  4. I have many addictions.

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  5. Without vices we would be robots.

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  6. I remember havibg read somewhere that oxytocin makes you more resilient to addictions and reduces withdrawal effects. But I don't remember where I read that, so you shouldn't take it very serious. Also: coffe is not that bad. :)

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  7. Post you'd better do another blog entry. :)

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  8. I thought it was widely regarded by now that certain drugs lessen your brain's pleasure responses.

    It's why the person feels so down without the drug and is driven back, without the drug the world has quite literally lost all colour.

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  9. Something to keep in mind: Drugs don't necessarily work the same for the PD minds because part of our brain structuring is different to begin with. Not to say it won't have effect, but it may not be what you expect.

    For Ex. Oxytocin and BPD

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  10. Everyone experiences drugs in their own way.
    It is different for everyone not just people with PDs

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  11. 'Path Beveridge PatrolAugust 2, 2011 at 5:01 AM

    People who use caffeinated energy drinks are the scum of the earth so when I see them buying their next fix in the supermarket I set the blogosphere alight with my moral outrage. TAKE THAT, YOU CONSUMER OF NON-PATH-APPROVED BEVERIDGES! Feeling ashamed of your filthy habit now, huh?

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  12. I just have to say this. I am so jealous of Postmodern. He is really smart and he is chill all the time. He seems to be enjoying the "interesting" life.

    I am smart enough but I am that kind of smart that doesn't manage to find a place in society. Everyone seems stupid to me and I don't want to have nothing to do with them because they disgust me. I really am an active(as in not passive) misanthrope.

    I bet Postmodern doesn't have that kind of problems. He seems to have found his place in society and seems to have a really clear look at the world. That, I would want to get myself.

    I am about his age and I really feel his wisdom.

    I just hope this comment doesn't make you want to cut the wisdom supply short because I know it would make me do that. Everytime someone tells me a thing like this I am like "I don't want to spread wisdom around the world, I hate people."

    There you have it...

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  13. tobacco, alcohol, caffeine, cannabis.
    I could stop taking any of those if i wanted to, but i dont, they all play a part in my life, i guess thats what a vice is.

    @Sociopath is it time for a reality check?

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  15. LOL

    Erin is trying to sound more intelligent by sayin 'one might blah blah blah'.

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  17. Honestly i didnt understand what she said

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  18. Erin what do you want?

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  20. "That Anon is prolly you :)"

    Postmodern doesn't do stuff like that Erin...

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  21. If he has something to say, he says it. There's nothing for him to lose. He always makes sense.

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  23. Chinese Couple Sells Children For Video Game Money

    http://www.g4tv.com/thefeed/blog/post/714839/chinese-couple-sells-children-for-video-game-money/

    Addicts.

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  24. ME:

    Enhance your ability to feel… what exactly? And why isn’t your current emotional palette enough for those making the suggestions? How can they be so sure their way is better? (Rhetorical questions, obviously.)

    Besides, most people are addicted to feeling certain emotions. It’s just that some use socially approved means of generating those emotions, while others do not.

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  25. That's true Birdick. Drugs are just a way of escaping the life you don't like. There are also those who do it just to experiment and end up being junkies because the sensations given by drugs top the real life emotions. I am one of those junkies. I first smoked marijuana when I was 13 and have smoked until I went 20. I realized then that I have no idea where I am, who I am and what the fuck I am doing here. So I had to get off of it. But I'm telling you: I can't enjoy life one bit now. I am 21. For about a year and a half I stopped smoking.

    I get myself high on caffeine and nicotine all the time because I can't drink alcohol because I am on anti-psychotics. I also look for rushes wherever I go. In the subway I stare at people and try to get them to start fighting me. I always poke the emotional side of people because I am so utterly bored.

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  26. Don't know if that makes me a sociopath but it's kinda the same thing. I am desensitized emotionally.

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  27. But, I guess that a sociopath would "feel" something by smoking weed or whatever. It's all about sensations.

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  28. My addiction is sudoku. I need to feel that sense of solving, and solving faster and faster. This is a time costly emotional addiction but at least my brain gets exercised.

    Watched The Limitless last night, thanks for the link. Got a kick out of how they can convince the layman wrt controllability of the stock market decisions in a short time period.

    All they had to do was roll some tickers on the walls, and let people equate seeing a lot of numbers rolling as someone's brain working.

    The actor did not act socio at any point really, he also was not abel to create a likable character.

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  29. oh, on the point of spelling accept vs except... that's a little brain mishap, not a spelling problem. there are other pairs that frequently happen:
    write, right
    phase, face

    any others?

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  30. I noticed Erin and notme are the only two who used 'prolly.'

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  31. I choose my addictions. They can be a hobby, a person or an ideal. Drugs provide an experience, yet like any Faustian deal will rob you in the end.

    Best to have an addiction to something with a positive payout, like Sceli's mention of Suduko. Then an addiction becomes a passion and you get to achieve some level of mastery which for power mongers is a ultimate meal of satisfaction. Some attention on mastery balances the self-destructive tendency everyone seems to carry, even outside the spectrum.

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  32. Yes, I fit Soulful's classification of addictions.

    My people addictions are the shortest lasting ones. Not everybody can play well. BPDs get too dramatic after a while. Socios sometimes wanna short cut to benefit and get pissed off and let go quickly. Narcissists also get old quickly. Normals are boring unless they are powerful in something and educational to observe.

    ideals, I have no shortage of, but learning to be flexible with those. I try (not very successfully) not to push mine unto others, and totally resenting if anyone tries to push their own ideals unto me. Sudoku is the one where I can objectively judge what kind of brain day I am having.

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  33. Half asleep are yaAugust 2, 2011 at 9:19 AM

    "I noticed Erin and notme are the only two who used 'prolly.' "

    You prolly on MJ long time.

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  34. 8:07 I can somewhat relate to you except that thing you said about experimenting, at the age of 13 you didnt even know what that word meant not fully anyway.
    I first smoked when i was 14 (stupid kid) i am 19 now (stupid older kid) i dont intend to stop.
    I want to experiment more things, DMT, ecstasy, salvia, wild cannabis, some kinds of shrooms, LSA. These are the one that dont fuck your brain - much.
    Except for ecstasy (MDMA).

    I used to drink a lot of alcohol that stopped when i started to smoke almost everyday well i think i did smoke everyday for about year.. too much is bad but once in a while its fine i now smoke once or twice a week lead a regular life considering the situation.
    I walk the street and when i see someone looking at me i think to myself "what the fuck are you looking at?" I feel an urge to punch every stranger that looks at me

    So drugs are bad leave them to me-

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  35. Have you noticed how people are most secure in what they know the least on the spectrum?

    I wonder if they knew just a bit more would they quickly realize there is so much more beyond their level. Or, would they just react and get back to their narrow definitions to not let go of that security, that not-knowing-bliss.

    Like Erin's self understanding of her own intelligence and religious views. She feels secure with those. And happy with those. It really is in her best interest to stay that way. And find interest in areas where there are no objective or rational truths. Objective/rational fields have no end to learning more and more, and the necessary brain power and focus that is required to move higher are way too taxing.

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  36. smile for a changeAugust 2, 2011 at 9:23 AM

    When you see someone looking at you look straight back, smile, and say hi. I am curious how that will fell for you.

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  37. Beliefs are meant to be tested. How can you actually say you believe anything if you have never had to defend the belief. If you can't defend your beliefs then you probably shouldn't have them. A wood door will splitter a steel door will not.

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  38. When you see someone looking at you look straight back, smile, and say hi. I am curious how that will fell for you

    vulnerable, sweet, naked, anxious and warm all at the same time.

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  39. Are you socially awkward anon? Why naked and anxious? Is it hard for you to make contact with people?

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  40. sudoku, video games, and the like are encouraged in my business for down time. Down time is resting before battle or before highly concentrated events. These events can wipe you out for the rest of the day.

    we call these down time activities "toddler activities" hehe.

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  41. anon, you must be military

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  42. kesu, no

    It is a bit too stimulating and I like it.

    I am only socially awkward with certain people under certain conditions.

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  43. In my off time I drive a tank and kill Taliban.

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  44. 946
    not quite . I have 2 different jobs. I could have been military and I could have been an emergency worker, though.

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  45. 947
    cool. need to "kill" some civilians myself, now. bye.

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  47. Erin, ever hear of being honest with yourself?

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  50. I doubt that is the real Daniel Birdick.

    If you are, well hello there.

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  52. high blood pressure, smoking, diabetes, and obesity may cause the brain to age faster, possibly 10 years faster, according to a study published Monday in the journal Neurology. Researchers found people with these risks factors had smaller brains and had diminished brain function later in life.

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  53. Erin your beliefs are your beliefs. They are fine. You can have them. IF though you plan on sharing them with well anyone expect people to question them. There is nothing more irritating to me than a disorganized mind. Which is a reason I tend to dislike you. You want to learn to debate particularly over the internet? Then do these simple things.

    1. Find sources of credible information.
    2. Organize your points in your head or on paper. Doing this well give you better flow and keep you on topic.
    3. Try to think of counter arguments for your statements. That way you are prepared for them.

    If you can do those three things you will find people are much less hostile to you. Maybe not here but just in general. Also, it should take off some of the scariness of debate. All in all you should never just accept something as true. You should actively try to prove things to yourself and not just believe something because it makes your world simpler. Adversity is a companion that uplifts not a foe that oppresses.

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  54. Daniel Birdick was an interesting poster a while back. I find it odd that he and PMS returned at the same time. He is very perceptive like the other one though.

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  56. Erin, I told you I am beyond labels. You could be too. Hell, everyone could be. But most people prefer their self deceptions though.

    But you know what? Just for you, I'll be whoever you want me to be.

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  57. do you have a soft spot for people who are coughing, or do you keep away from them?

    i normally keep my distance unless family or my responsibility, as in house guest.

    i'm at a cafe, coughing up a storm occasionally (sounding like an old man in the morning, yikes, and to my amazement three guys stopped by offering TLC. no woman offered the same. hmmm... what should I think? one of these guys is cute. hard to flirt when not feeling well.

    i normally never read into approaches unless a guy puts it out there in words that there is no denying of his interest.

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  58. @Blog

    I can only understand addiction through obsession. I've always displayed obsessive behavior since I was young. Music was an obsession for a time. I would spend hours, or whole days recording music from the radio.

    I would stay up very late, knowing that the next perfect song might be next.

    But I've always been lucky that my obsessions pass because of boredom, and being fickle.
    I could never stay addicted to one thing for years, or a lifetime.
    I especially can't see being addicted to something that can impair your ability to function, or rationalize.

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  59. Jason:

    Will the real slim shady please stand up?

    Kesu:

    All of your last comment went completely over Erin's head. Either she is lying about everything and playing a game here to amuse herself with (aren't we all?) or she's being semi-honest and therefore obtuse to everything that threatens her fragile sense of self.

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  60. I agree with Daniel. Here is an Erin quote:
    'I hate debate cuz my mother--An Aqua Sun combust Mercury was always debating stupid stuff.
    She had a Libra moon and could never make up her mind which side of the debate she was on which did not help cuz she would take both sides.'

    When people understand both sides of an argument one can talk about what is good and bad on both sides, and one does not have to stand for one side unless competing on a debate team. Erin has a singular mind, and her idea of studying includes charts, and wishy-washy sides of eastern medicine. I have a huge respect for Eastern Medicine but get really uneasy when I hear a chart-reading gringa start talking about how she studied eastern medicine.

    Reading charts can be a fun afternoon activity just out of curiosity, but to turn that into a study and obsession? Hmmm, maybe certain memorization parts of the brain are getting a good workout, then it is better than nothing, I suppose.

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  61. http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/08/02/miami.dolphin.borderline.personality/index.html?iref=NS1

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  62. Whether I am wrong or right in this, Daniel, I truly don't care. I believe she is being honest.

    However small the chance though I must take it. The idea that maybe something will penetrate that concrete dense skull of hers is too tempting. For all I know she has had an early onset of dementia. It would make sense and be much easier for me to swallow than the idea that I am the same species as her and that these are her full cognitive abilities.

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  63. ranks of faggyness:

    1 gay
    2 borderline faggot
    3 faggot
    4 uber faggot
    5 gaylord
    6 extreme faggot
    7 mega faggot
    8 malignant faggot
    9 extra-ultra faggot

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  64. kesu 10:42, harsh to funny...

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  65. You know this faggot thing is being well organized. There is a list being kept and know we have standardized levels. I'm hoping for a comprehensive system of classification next. -crosses fingers-

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  66. Sorry, I'm too chatty today. My head feels swelled up, my sudoku is not getting better than 49% (normally I enjoy 20%), I have nothing better to do than be here.

    but, i actually managed to get some deal this morning that may result in 10 k or so (not just one time, annually) by the end of September.

    Time for ibuprofen..

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  67. I think Erin has a learning disorder. Maybe even several.
    I think that would explain perfectly, why she can't seem to process the information given to her, or debate her beliefs.

    I think there's a passage in the book of Revelations, and probably in others, that shuns the act of reading stars. The Christian belief for sure, looks on Astrology as a sin.

    But if I had problems with reading; like say I was dyslexic, I may never read my Bible,or fact check, because it would be too much tiresome work for me to unscramble everything.

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  68. to have a healthy appreciation of religion one has to rebel, get out, understand the big picture, and then come back if needed (could be social and financial benefits in doing so) with a personally customized version of her religion w/o feeling out of it. like a catholic child, becoming gay, getting out of the church, and yet coming back years later and taking part on the choir every weekend. organized religion versus spiritual connection with God/energy/life force...

    I wish dyslexic people posted some samples of how they see a certain page next to how it is written. I saw the following:

    What do Dyslexics See when they read?

    There is no single pattern of difficulty.

    He might see some letters as backwards or upside down;
    He might see text appearing to jump around on a page;
    He might not be able to tell the difference between letters that look similar in shape such as |o| and |e| and |c|;
    He might not be able to tell the difference between letters that have similar shape but different orientation, such as |b| and |p| and |d| and |q|;
    The letters might look all jumbled up and out of order;
    The letters and words might look all bunched together;
    The letters of some words might appear completely backwards, such as the word "bird" looking like "drib";
    The letters and words might look o.k., but the dyslexic person might get a severe headache or feel sick to her stomach every time she tries to read;

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  70. I used to do alot of speed when I was younger and I've tried other drugs but I've never been hooked on anything. Nowdays I mostly stick to drink and cigarettes. Whatever substances I take I take because I want to not because I need too. I barely consider weed a drug and it doesn't do much for me anyways. I'd say I'm addicted to sex. I get pent up and angry if I go without it and I get bored of fucking the same woman so I have to move on alot. That's the same for everyone on some level but it's more extreme for me. I have to keep myself occupied. If I don't the world turns grey.

    Speaking to erin is stupid. She's a character. If you want an abuse whore I recommend jason.

    There's no evidence for the existence of god so I don't believe in him and I've got no respect for other people's beliefs especially when they're wrong. Faith is for ignorant and stupid people. I've heard alot of people here say that most sociopaths are agnostic. I don't know why they think that.

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  72. 'Speaking to erin is stupid. She's a character.'

    we have known that for ages but some people wont listen...

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  76. you can't...your hooked to the abuse

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  77. Speaking on addictions. This is a prime example.

    Says the crack addict to the drug dealer: "I thought we were friends! Maybe I should rethink smoking crack, if you and I can not be friends."

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  79. people despise you the most, erin.
    although, it's actually more like we're in awe of your stupidity.

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  82. people despise you the most, erin.
    although, it's actually more like we're in awe of your stupidity.

    does it count now? :D

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  83. ...read eden's last post...then reread it.. your answer is there..it can't be explained more plainly than that

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  86. ouch erin

    (almost exceeded my max)

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  87. @ erin

    to laugh in peoples faces and call them stupid

    duh...

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  88. Bette
    I am asking you in more than 3 words--why are you here?
    I mean--you have cheap words for me and lol but you are here.
    You must have a reason

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  89. I owe you nothing...

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  91. @Daniel: Sometimes it feels like we're playing Good Cop/Bad Cop.

    @Kesu: I hope we get a mention on the acknowledgements page when "On the Classification of Faggots" is released.

    @My fan Sociopath: Well, you've really got me in a Catch-22, there. If I reject you harshly, I play directly into the expectation you have for me. If I accept your praise, I look full of myself.~

    I guess I'll just have to keep doing whatever I want. :D

    @Erin: I am here because of people like you and people like Birdick. The former I can pick apart and toy with because they just can't see beyond themselves and their stupid problems long enough to defend themselves. The latter I can chat about "truth", strategy, a shared mindset, all without devolving into pointless navel-gazing and philosophical masturbation (okay, maybe a little masturbation). The difference between you and me is this:

    You see things with an Eastern eye. I see things with mine.

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  93. "If you can't explain your jabs then are they really jabs?"

    If you can't explain your belief system, is it really a belief system?

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  94. haven = gay
    zoe = gay
    notme = gay
    soulful = borderline faggot
    ukan = faggot
    misanthrope = faggot
    eden = faggot
    pms = faggot
    tnp = gaylord
    zwag = extreme faggot
    kesu = mega faggot
    erin = malignant faggot
    jason = extra-ultra faggot

    birdick added

    birdick = borderline faggot.

    it's official.

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  97. he just explained why he comes here. STUPID BITCH!!

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  100. I have my loyalties though I realize they're rather irrational things. I accept this.

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  102. I'm here because I find people fascinating. I'd keep them in a cage if I could, but as I can't I'm happy to watch them wheel around in their own.

    I'm a student of the mind and watching how other people use theirs is a study

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  104. Here to make friends?

    I may be crazy, but I'm not unintelligent. No.

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  106. @Erin

    I'm here because God told me you were looking for more abuse on SW.
    So... you're welcome.

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  107. anon 10:38 post is about a male wanting to become the face of BPD. Significant majority of BPDs are women, yet the self-declared face of BPD is a man. Working on male BPDs won't translate into female BPDs, the differences are already identified. Sounds like how the average body temperature scores have already been based on measurements on males.

    Another lost opportunity for a woman to take the spot (and then all the beepers to be affected).

    One of our own BPD ladies, especially the one with that great body would have made such a good rep. I'd say consider...

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  108. Oh Eden, that's so magnanimous of you!

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  109. Damn it. I was shooting for gaylord. Missed it by a hair.

    @Erin God no.

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  110. So haven, you dedicate your time "study" people, and you put cage in the same sentence, nice delusion going on there.

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  111. @Haven

    What can I say, except praise Jesus!
    Which reminds me: Why is it that when a large percentage of addicts get clean, they suddenly find God?

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  112. What about the drugs and sociopaths.
    Do they really enjoy them, like the normal people, or they not able to get the full experience.

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  113. @Sceli

    Interesting. Very interesting. I say let him. It's a sad fact that BPD is understudied and underfunded because it's not 'popular' and it's stigmatized as a woman's disorder. We still live in something of chauvinist society so it's written off as 'just being moody' or 'pms dramatics'... if that gets us money and attention I say work the system.

    I'm also just gonna say thanks and assume you were talking about me ;) I'm working on it, working on it.

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  115. If a friend is defined as having someone ready for access anytime you feel like it, SW collectively is indeed a friend.

    If a friend is someone you can share one thing that you could not share with any of your other friends, SW again is indeed a friend.

    If a friend is someone who can tell you who you are based on what you write without worrying about your feelings, SW surely is your friend.

    Erin, you got a friend who thinks you are one of the house fools.

    You would not let that happen anywhere else knowingly. Stay and it will help you develop narcissistic capabilities further. SInce your truth and others' are a world apart, to protect yourself you will learn not care about others in a much deeper way.

    You already do it, but this place is going to enforce it more and more.

    SW is where friends make narcissists.

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  116. @Anon... Pretty sure that was 3 sentences and I'm a little morbidly poetic today. Don't take me too seriously.


    @Eden... Probably because they've burned off so many brain cells they don't have enough left to think for themselves =D

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  118. @Erin

    I suspect you've "gained" a lot of weight, from sitting on your ass all day, hogging up the blog threads, in this place.

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  119. Haven,
    sorry, should have used your name, but just was not sure. Now I checked, and yes, I was talking about you, and on top I was serious too. In this world it looks like one leap of faith that turns you into a hero.

    By the way, I'd say sustaining it is enough, you don't need to work on it any more.

    You are a lucky woman.

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  120. I think you've been good for this place Erin. You gave everyone here common ground. That common ground being someone to hate without regard. Unity through hatred.

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  121. @Sceli

    Quite alright, I do try to take care of myself =)

    One leap of faith indeed. He has the advantage of a high profile position which provides ample resources in a field where theatrics and aggression are accepted, almost encouraged, by the media. It's a position most women in this society do not have access to and can not afford. If a woman in that position were to speak out and display the kind of aggressive behavior that we are prone to the stigma she would be struck with would be much worse for the receiving. There does need to be a balance though. People always forget the balance. He does in 5 minutes, more than I've been able to do in 8 months since starting my blog. I may reach 1000 people/day in education and information sharing but he can reach the masses. That one leap of faith will hopefully pave the way for a million more steps in a positive direction to educate and break the stigma.... and hopefully a greater role model as well.

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  122. Kesu, you once said SW is a better place because of Erin, meaning you liked it better with Erin in it.

    Who is Erin? With as much as she shared, assuming was the truth, a weak woman with confused belief systems who has experienced the toughest thing any woman can have. Death of her child, and on top death as a result of suicide. Well, ok, a hungry psycho eating her child would have been worse, but still.

    So, Erin is interesting whichever way we look at it. What we don't like to hear is how everything goes into 'my socio.' There was a point I had to leave, could not take her anymore, but now that I have the stupid flu, SW is the only place to keep me interested. And, looks like SW learned to calm down and not get into Erin as much.

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  126. What the hell kinda home did you co... NVM.

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  127. Who was Ammy btw?

    I saw that Medusa put a quote up from her, on 'Sociopathetic' last night.

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  128. It always makes me laugh when you delete your comments Erin. I guess every now and a blue moon, it actually registers just how pathetic you sound,even to yourself?

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  129. Erin, what you said there pretty much defines what home is/was for (I dare here) everyone on SW

    ego driven, painful, no love, no warmth.a cold place you come to with the hope of maybe warmer today


    I bet you put a dent with those words... They sure gave me one.

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  130. Haven said...
    @Anon... Pretty sure that was 3 sentences and I'm a little morbidly poetic today. Don't take me too seriously.
    [quote]

    numbers, numbers bahhh

    Well was just a opinion,assertive and direct, usually I don't walk walk around the corner, I just call for a cab and go straight to the destination.

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  131. eat a dick pms

    8====D

    all you do is make sarcastic comments

    Pitiful
    Monsterckock
    Sucker

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  132. I dislike both drugs and alcohol. I like having control and the lack of control I feel when I'm drunk or high is very uncomfortable for me.

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  133. "I dislike both drugs and alcohol."

    faggot

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  134. I can appreciate assertive and direct ::grins::

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  136. I view addiction to anything as a weakness. People who feel the need to devote themselves to the pursuit of a 'quick fix' are utterly disgraceful. Most of the time, people who need to exclusively rely on anything, whether it be a drug, person, or object, are trying to escape a problem or some sort of insecurity. People who do it because other people do it are no better. Self-sufficiency is the ability to survive and cope on your own, it shows strength, and power. Going for a smoke to 'feel better' not only shows that you aren't self-sufficient, but that you are weak, and will never be able to make any progress in anything.

    People who devote themselves to religion are like addicts.They make it their aim to please one or multiple deities that don't exist. It lets them 'escape' into a delusional world where everybody holds hands and gives unconditional love to all. They can't function in society without knowing that some big powerful guardian is going to save them from the unbelievers.

    Just awfully pathetic.

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  137. "Erin, what you said there pretty much defines what home is/was for (I dare here) everyone on SW"

    Quite to the contrary.

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  138. as a kid i loved using LSD, MDMA ETC..... as an adult i used heroin, but quit rather easily and don't crave it at all.... my mother was an alcoholic and prettty much died as a result.... so i watch myself closely but also feel my sociopathy allows me to indulge without to many consequences unless i want them.

    that said i think lsd helped me alot, i could relate to emotion while under its influences.

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  139. Erin, sorry. No, you did not make any difference in my life, you just reminded me/us what we all already know and learned to brush away quickly. Your staying with it on and on is what's pissy, it's like harden the f up already, stop positioning yourself in the victim position, we don't like victims. Seeking our understanding is also pissy. Or friendship. Don't try to soften us. We're where we are happy already.

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  140. I'm with you Post.


    Also, hello =)

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  141. 'but also feel my sociopathy allows me to indulge without to many consequences unless i want them.'

    wtf? sociopaths have addictive personalities and little self control.

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  143. not true......

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  144. Cheers Sceli!




    "wtf? sociopaths have addictive personalities and little self control."

    I'd venture that each is an individual and many don't cram themselves into such a limited mold.

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  146. cosette, what u say reminds me of those christians.they really think they r going to b saved or some shit.

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  147. Post once said
    "My family was upper middle-class in the Clinton era and poor immediately thereafter. My parents divorced when I was fairly young, as was the style of the time. Not a rosy picture, but certainly not the usual daily abused, bedwetting, blah blah blah childhood that the newsworthy sociopaths seem to have."

    I'm sorry post, but that sounds like a warm place to you?

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  148. Cosette, were your parent's christian or something? why do you hate god?

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  149. 'path = fag git

    all 'paths snort coke and love ferrari's.

    so what we do is plant a toxin in bundles of cocaine, and then we offer them 2 grand and a ferrari to murder for cash(all 'paths would murder for cash).

    if they say yes, we sell them the toxic coke, and of course the 'path dies upon snorting said coke.

    stupid fuckin' 'path. that's how neo-hitler rolls.

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  150. @Frank

    No, I just find that christians and religious people in general are usually the weakest. They need something to believe in the stay sane.

    Not to mention that they constantly spew shit about how great and 'HOLY' they are.

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  151. so you're saying that sociopaths don't have addictive personalities and low impulse control, badpenny?

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  152. @Sceli: Divorce and a change of fortunes make for a cold home? It's like my parents are WASPs. :D

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  153. Post, you also once said you recognize emotions but you don't understand why. given your intelligence I'm sure you understand what I mean by that. But, hold on, let me ask, when did you start living in your own head? The chances are as far as back you remember... Way before their divorce...

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  154. if the 'path fails to snort the toxic coke, when he reaches the location of the target he plans to murder for cash, he will be greeted, and subsequently wasted by a neo-hitler death squad.

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  155. If I wanted to make friends with something transparent, I'd masturbate with Saran Wrap, Sceli.~

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  156. "that said i think lsd helped me alot, i could relate to emotion while under its influences."

    Interesting. LSD is one I haven't taken that and heroin. Can you tell me more about the LSD?

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  157. I want to wrap myself around you and until you confess everything.

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  158. Post, I heard Saran Wrap works really well for taste-free cunnilingus too. I am not much of a Saran Wrap user, are you?

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  159. Only for the preservation of leftovers. Didn't you know it's illegal to use household products for anything but their intended purpose?~

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  160. :) For leftovers I like the bubbled ones where you pop the bubbles and the ends stick. yeyyyy.

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  161. "neo-hitler death squad."

    That is starting to sound like regular old Hitler. Hmm I'm starting to smell a farce.

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  162. Ah LSD, the good old days.

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  163. Something tells me you're lying about not taking LSD, Kesu.

    Acid games are fun! Some of my fondest teenage memories involve LSD.

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  164. The thing about having SW in your soul is that even if I get away from you I will find abuse.

    Yes, yes you will, definitely. Unless you learn to scale the boot camp training walls (mostly of your own making). Going into fetal position in the corner does not a soldier make.

    It may look like a tender kitten like my Socio did in the beginning.

    SW has never looked like a tender kitten to me. WTF? You were imagining things, seeing what you wanted to see.

    but without fail it will be my mother--smirking at me.

    Do you want thoughts of your mother to have power over you? Or do you want to have control over thoughts of your mother?

    Decide.

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  166. How difficult is it to pass a psych evaluation?

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  168. Yes Mania,
    Please take tips from the biggest lunatic here, on how to pass a psych evaluation. :D

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  169. "They have lie stuff that you have to watch out for.They try to be smarter than you are."

    uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggghhh.....ugh*facepalm*

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  170. Erin, you said:

    This place seems to be like boot camp and that is why I stay even if people don't like me

    Have you never been to camp? Where there are those walls you have to figure out how to climb over?

    Or did you hide in your tent hoping no one would notice you weren't there?

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  171. @Medusa

    Just more quotes for new Twitter. Today was a wealth of stupidity.
    Who is Ammy, BTW?

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  173. well erin has been to college and studied 'all types of stuff'... lol

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  174. Ammy is this person.

    Old old quote, but unforgettable.

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  175. Medusa, agreed. The thing about bootcamp is you have to have the intelligence or the deep frustration in a current situation to see the long range benefit. The pleasures of the flesh, even abuse can become an addiction.

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  177. I can only imagine your guitar playing skills, Erin. Acoustic guitar from JC Penny's playing watered-down Ani diFranco covers or some shit at open mics.

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  179. @Erin

    I'm sorry it hurts your feeling when I call you out on your learning issues.
    I know it burns you up that a High School drop out, like myself, can go without an education... and still have a sharper mind than you.

    IQ has nothing to do with education. You are a prime example of that. ;)

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  182. How many times are you going to use the tired-out Deliverance references?

    When are you going to quote the "purty mouth" scene?

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  184. Wouldn't "skin flute" be a more entertaining attempt at an insult?

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  186. Dumbass, baritone is a male's voice.

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  188. There is no way you're old enough to have twenty year old son, Erin.

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  189. And yes, my ass is very talented, since you mention it.

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