I find that most sociopaths are not sad at the thought that they might be one. You could also be BPD, but you might just be a young teenage socio girl in a sorority living in the narcissistic generation that you belong to. Does criticism hurt your feelings?The reader:
If you are a socio, learn to use your drives for power to help you keep self control. For instance, it bothers you when you weird people out because you lose power over those people, right? So let the part of you that craves power lead you to a better choice, e.g. keep people wanting more by being less available. Read the Art of Seduction and 48 Rules of Power.
I don't know if I could be BPD, however, I do play different...personas? with different people. Being in a sorority has nothing to do with anything though, as I just recently joined one. I just think I'm a socio because I manipulate people instinctively.
Since I sent this email I've been really analyzing my present behavior. I realized how much I watch other people's faces, trying to see if their feelings are sincere or just being fascinated by the way they react to things. I sometimes even try to replicate their faces. People always give me strange looks when someone is crying because I ask why or become irritated by it. I hate being criticized, mostly because I don't think other people deserve to judge me and because I see their flaws clearly and accept them, so why can't they do that for me? It seems unfair.
I always feel extremely powerful when people pay attention to me or treat me in a special way. For example, the boy I'm dating now sees me as his only confidante and that's why I like him, even when his depression gets irritating because he harps on how he wants to kill himself. I always pretend to them that they're special to me and that they're the only ones I can come to for certain things and that I really appreciate them. Another thing is that I've lived apart from my family for my entire life and people ask me if I miss them and I say yes, because it's what is expected. I find questions like do you miss them or who's your hero or things of that nature stupid. I don't miss anyone, I miss the things they could be doing for me or the entertainment they could be providing, as I'm constantly bored.
I make mistakes in my reactions to things sometimes. My girlfriend (I'm "bisexual") cheated on me and I was more concerned about whether I looked stupid or not in front of her friends instead of the fact that she "betrayed" me. I didn't really care and I was only dating her because I liked the attention we got or the reactions I got when I told people I was dating a girl.