Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Vigilantism

I've recently had experiences where I was nice to someone, a stranger or someone I didn't think mattered, and then had them show up again in my life in another context, or turn out to be a connection I needed to a third person, or I ended up developing a crush on them. I used to be less careful about being nice to strangers, but have learned that it frequently pays off, particularly very visible kindness to strangers.

Behaving better when people are watching turns out to be a trait that everyone shares. In this Ars Technica article covering a recent Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences issue dedicated to human cooperation.
Some studies do find that we empathize with the plights of others, and just want to help out. Participants in one study saw a worker getting a series of electrical shocks. When told that they could reduce the number of shocks the worker got by volunteering to get shocked themselves, most volunteered for the jolt. The response was the same whether the participant would continue to see the worker after their decision or not, indicating that they weren’t just trying to make the unpleasant situation disappear. Instead, the researchers suggest that the participants wanted the best for the worker.

However, studies show that the prospect of someone else watching—even if it’s just a drawing of a pair of eyes—makes us more cooperative. Similarly, when participants in the Ultimatum Game are told that their offers will be made public, they tend to offer a greater proportion of their cash. Clearly, our motives aren’t all selfless.
Why are people worried about a pair of watching eyes? The article answers that unlike the rest of the animal kingdom "we are the only species that seems to be offended by inequalities that we aren't affected by, and as far as we know, we're unique in our liberal use of punishment." In other words, we're worried about rampant vigilantism.

And there will almost always be a pair of eyes looking out for misbehavior, if not a vigilante, the victim himself. The truth has a way of getting out. I used to be more reckless when I was younger because I didn't have much to lose if people discovered that I am black hearted. My current life position makes negative behavior more difficult for me to explain away, so I just default to being courteous to most people, and obsequiously charming to some.

If vigilantism doesn't scare you, google "necklacing."

346 comments:

  1. Postmodern: "I guess I'll just have to keep doing whatever I want."

    Yeah, true. I am just glad you're back. Now I have a real reason to read the comment section. Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. @ Badass Sociopath:

    Why are you looking like that at me dude? I have 2 options regarding Postmodern:

    1. Hate him for the way he is and try to hurt him someway.
    2. Tell him honestly and relinquish the hatred.

    I have nothing to gain from neither of the options. But if I start to hate him it start will eat at me. So I chose the other one. Judgemental fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Anon: Probably hunger.

    Ooh, I'm gonna give you such a pretty necklace, Sociopath. You're just going to die when you see it.~

    <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hm, I would think this had something more to do with a subconscious/potential reward system which accompanies any "altruistic" act.

    ReplyDelete
  5. @Postmodern, Yeah, good luck with that dude.

    ReplyDelete
  6. No appreciation for topical humor. Duly noted.

    ReplyDelete
  7. if you dont have something intresting to post just smash your face against the keyboard and hit enter instead of the usual bullshit thanks

    ReplyDelete
  8. hifhiufrhdhuidhdhidfihudfihudnsubge9uh9fibuf9cilspiefhuefoh~

    ReplyDelete
  9. Postmodern: Dude, I'm not trying to fall into your graces. FYI.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am normally nice to people, not because I am naturally a nice person, but because I get a rise out of it, and it gives me a sense of control. When people receive help from me, they put themselves under my complete control, and their success relies on me. The feeling is almost euphoric, and it is impossible for me to resist.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I wonder if the concept of batman was based off of this concept.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hello Darlinks :) :)
    Feeling Great Today
    Nothing like a little truth therapy for one's soul

    ReplyDelete
  14. If you were I wouldn't find you very entertaining at all.

    On topic, I own a shirt with a picture of an eye on it. I've read the study mentioned in the article, and I enjoy bringing it up casually in conversation when I'm wearing the shirt. It makes people quite self-conscious, I think, to consider the little nonverbal cues that dictate their lives.

    Some suggest that if the Moon faced the other direction relative to the Earth, human mythology would have grown rather differently. The most notable feature of that side of the moon is an enormous lunar mare. Whimsical folk suggest it looks like a giant eye, rather than the perhaps more jovial "man" we are familiar with.

    I suppose the theme of these rather disjointed ideas is that the eyes are the center of discomfort for many people. Judgment comes from the eyes, disdain, voyeurism. In many cultures it is considered discourteous to look certain people in the eye.

    And I don't think it's unique to humans, by any stretch. Remember this? The main difference is that we respond with discomfort and comparative rectitude rather than tearing another person's face off.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Poster Boy for Boring
    I do :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. cosette, erin is one of those people who love to be control, y don't u try controlling her.

    ReplyDelete
  17. yeah next to Jason, Erin is the runner up bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Well I am having a slow day today, I 'spose I could waste some time idling.

    Erin, what do you need help with?

    ReplyDelete
  19. @Cosette
    You know what I want?
    Why I am here?
    To face truth.
    You Socio's seem like you do that well.
    I like that. I want that
    You shall know the truth and the truth will MAKE you free.
    Truth will do it.
    So,I am a seeker of truth
    That is it--simple.

    ReplyDelete
  20. You know what good mental health is---by definition?
    Seeing the truth
    Simple but how elusive--you know?

    ReplyDelete
  21. If Seeing the Truth is the definition of mental health than we live in a world of lunatics.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Life is like "The Emperor's New Clothes"
    People see things but they won't face them. They don't trust what they see.They are afraid to say it even to themselves like "That guy is a puffed up pompous ass" for example.
    Everyone nods and says"How interesting" :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Ukan is black

    Erin is a tarot reading whore

    ReplyDelete
  24. @Haven
    Seeing the Truth IS the definition of mental health
    One line,one statement, as precious as gold.
    When you have lost your mind, you have nothing
    Beauty,money, relationships ---nothing matters.
    You are in a prison and it is gray.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Yes most of the world is crazy but not everyone. A few people are not but they are rare.
    They are the truth tellers to themselves first of all and most of all.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Erin you ask for the truth and when anyone touches on it you go on a tirade against them with juvenile names and insults.

    The truth offends you.

    Morning, your somewhat coherent

    Afternoon, you regress to trying to suduce, that only lasts for about an hour

    Then right into name calling, temper tantum shit flingging because your not getting what you wanted.

    It's not cute.

    If you really wanted truth you wouldn't go down hill like you do.

    ReplyDelete
  27. OK
    No one can hurt you if you will face the truth. They can only hurt you if you have a big mask on that you want to defend.
    I have my own mask.Yes,of course.We all do .
    My quest however is to face myself.
    That is my passion, what I live and breathe for
    Without it there is no life,only gray.
    Do I not look good doing it?
    Yes,I don't always or often look good doing it.
    I look bad doing it often.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ok
    Here is a basic truth
    You can't save your ass and your face at the same time

    ReplyDelete
  29. There's some truth.

    Gray is staying on this computer all day long and not going out to experience life. Living in the past and not creating your future.

    Your letting your whole summer slip by, your never going to get it back.

    ReplyDelete
  30. When I like something about a person I do make it a point to share, it's positive and it's real. People enjoy that, and sure enough several times I ran into such people later in the most unexpected ways.

    I was raised by a dad who was overly (according to mum) complimentary to strangers. I used to get uncomfortable when I did not agree with his compliments, sometimes they were the kind Kesu mentioned once, complimenting someone's weakness or complimenting more aggressively when someone was weak. I enjoyed watching the control/attention his attitude gets, but knowing he did not act that way towards us at home made me always question his attitude as well. What was funny about mum is when dad was not around she would do exactly the same thing-- towards guys.

    Complimenting, kindness, etc. comes also easier for people who have no sense of boundaries.

    Then there is the other side of the coin, when I am at the receiving end. I know guys like to watch how women melt for kindness and look for more in submission. I do flirt but only with intelligent dialogue, find it impossible to pretend to enjoy stupid compliments. I smile, say thank you, and change the subject, expecting the mush to stop right there. I also feel angry when I don't agree with what is complimented and may turn a touch hostile in the ensuing discussion.

    ReplyDelete
  31. VIGILANTISM=UKAN

    TODAY IS HIS BIRTHDAY

    3 DECADES OF SELFLESS ACTS OF DOMINANCE

    WHAT'S NEXT? POLITICS?

    ReplyDelete
  32. @Truth Teller

    I escaped from the world cuz I could not feel the ground.Everything hurt.I could not keep myself intact cuz it oozed out to others.
    I hurt all the time even though I had everything the world could give.
    It was all grey so I went in to the house.
    Then I got a new career--my charts and my readings .
    I will prolly be in my friends band when my guitar gets a little better too
    However, I am not ready to go back to the world yet.
    I need my self,my identity to be strong enough so it doesn't hurt all the time to be me and to be in my own skin.
    Then,I will.
    You are right in what you say but I am not ready.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Sociopathic IronyAugust 3, 2011 at 6:57 AM

    My identity?

    ReplyDelete
  34. One needs to have a strong sense of self--yes.
    Humility is the right size of the self --not too little and not too big
    Too little hurts badly.It is what I had.
    Yes,I want a stronger sense of self.
    It is all a balance.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Life without a good sense of self, a true sense of self hurts so much that you may as well be in the house.
    I have traveled so many places but it was all grey.
    Why bother?
    Your sense of self and your mental health is one of your most prized things.
    Look at Amy Winehouse.She had it all.What did it mean without loving herself and honoring herself--mind and body.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I was blessed to have a honestly kind father who is 97 and in a rehab to get strong enough to come home.

    He makes an impression on everyone he is in contact with. He gives respect and gets it, always.
    He never flirts but is complimented always.

    He's spent his life this way and no one disrepects him. He's not to soft so that he's taken advantage of, he's wise.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Erin, I had not heard the phrase, so I checked and found this:

    In 12-step recovery groups, especially AA, interesting aphorisms develop, which are remarkably accurate. One is that “you can’t save your face and your ass at the same time.” What this means is that people can’t paint a rosy picture about their lives and make any progress with their recovery. If someone chooses to save face, then their fundamental dishonesty puts their recovery from substance abuse in jeopardy. To recover, a person must be rigorously honest. If they choose to save face by not being forthright, then their “ass” will be vulnerable to relapse.

    If this is true for people in AA, which it is, then it is even truer for people who have experienced religious abuse.

    Although Christians should be the most candid and transparent people in the world, they are not.

    In fact, a large percentage of Christians will go to nearly any length to protect their image. They want everybody to think they “have it all together,” even when it’s the furthest thing from the truth.

    When these people are religiously abused, instead of being honest about their experience, they internalize it and put on a happy face for the world to see. Practicing denial, they choose to save face, suffering the consequences, which are shame, loss of self worth, and a host of other debilitating emotions.

    In this sense, they sacrifice themselves by withdrawing emotionally, physically, or both. Placing their image above being real, they prefer to nurse their wounds in private rather than come clean and get the help they need to stabilize.

    Choosing to save their face rather than their ass, they save neither, as they pursue this self-defeating strategy. It’s one of the reasons why recovery is so necessary. When you think about it, isn’t seeking recovery from abusiveness really the Christian thing to do, anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  38. YES YES YES
    That is why I get so mad at Tik.I can't take the churches phoney face any more.
    If I can't be real---I don't want it.
    If I can't not "look good" I don't want it
    If I can't make a joke about spit or swallow I don't want it
    My God loves Truth above all else.

    Want to know my real goal?
    I don't want to die mental.

    ReplyDelete
  39. That fucker ain't me, Badass only talks about his own badassness. Like the time I took down a police chopper with a slingshot. Badass.

    ReplyDelete
  40. @Truth teller 2
    Wisdom IS Truth.
    He sounds very special :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. My father is a Christian, not perfect. A wonderful man. He can put color back into life when it's gray just being near him.

    He doesn't complain and is not self absorbed.

    I've had his example all my life, solid ground.

    You know what after 60 years of marriage he told me that my mother never said she loved him but that she showed it.

    Thats a stronge man.

    ReplyDelete
  42. @Truth Teller 2
    Awww Sounds like he got quite a few things balanced.
    We must be strong but not arrogant
    We must have a self but not be selfish.
    It is all really hard to do.
    Thanks for writing that.I feel kind of wrung out from my debacle last night :)

    ReplyDelete
  43. You know what I learned last night when I lost my face to save my ass?
    IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY ARE AN ASS WIPE AND BEHAVES LIKE AN ASS WIPE,
    Believe them

    ReplyDelete
  44. Postmodern, I need to ask you a question. How do I learn math without a teacher? Or is a teacher necessary?

    I am asking because I am currently going to this professor to teach me and I can't stand him. He feels inferior to me and tries to punish me for that. I need to not need him anymore. I still have a book that incorporates all the math theory I need but I am worried that if I give up going to him I might still need his knowledge. I don't want to continue going but I need to continue learning math.

    In your infinite wisdom, can you tell me what to do?

    ReplyDelete
  45. "We must have a self but not be selfish"


    In order to have a self we are inherently selfish. All humans are selfish. It drives the desire for ones own well being. All acts have some root in selfishness. This is not good, nor is it bad. It simply is.

    ReplyDelete
  46. What level mat? What particular subject?

    You are not in a class, but taking private math classes? To prep for what?

    ReplyDelete
  47. ignore HOERIN............now

    ReplyDelete
  48. @Haven
    Yes we have a self but with the and PD's ,it is not a stable sense of self/identity for example.
    The self is fractured.
    I have BPD traits .I am not judging The pain is so horrible when the self is not right sized.
    That is why I am here.To get my self right sized.
    Do you see what I mean?
    This self business is not a little thing.It is everything

    ReplyDelete
  49. Money never sleepsAugust 3, 2011 at 8:17 AM

    PM, math has never been a language I've understood well so I am always interested to see how it metabolizes in your comments.  I am slightly better with words so your thinking actually might be useful towards grasping structural concepts which have thus far eluded me. 

    Iddic vision would have imposed meaning on whatever side of the moon  faces us.  I am partial to earlier associations with darkness, feminine energy and lunacy, all of which correlate (observably) to tides.  If that doesn't  hold water, then it  probably is worth considering  that the moon might be made of cheese.

    The all seeing is pervasive, on U.S. currency it's a Masonic symbol.  Fitzgerald has an optometrist surveying the Ashland, most dystopias have the watchful gaze of a big brother or unfathomable number one. Explicit and inventive eye/I/mind connection in the original Prisoner,  dialogue is all doublespeak. 

    The observer effect certainly stokes Err-in's dependance.  Or perhaps M.E. has gifted her herd with a summer plaything. 

    ReplyDelete
  50. Everyone has some traits of the PDs. You, however, are not BPD. You are a victim of abuse and codependent. These two are not fundamentally the same things though they can comingle. Trying to find healing for abuse in a place of abusers, where people fundamentally function in a way different than you can perceive, is a fools errand.

    It's like trying to treat a snake bite with shark repellent. It's just the wrong treatment. At best you will not cause more harm and gain some understanding of what doesn't work for you. At worst, you subject yourself to more pain than you began with.

    ReplyDelete
  51. @Haven
    I appreciate your POV.Thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
  52. How am I gonna learn the nature of what I grew up with if I don't face it.
    I ended up with a Socio.I can't escape obviously or I would not have.
    Since I can't seem to get away. Why not try to face it?

    ReplyDelete
  53. The saddest movie scene used by scientists on psychological tests. I am curious to hear if and at what point it touches you to a point of a tear or two (or more?). I started unphased but when the kid started running around asking people to wake champ up I did drop some silent tears.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAhrqKqK_cA

    Oh, thanks for asking how my cold is.~

    ReplyDelete
  54. @Sceli
    How is your cold :)
    So you want to know at what point this movie clip touches people?

    ReplyDelete
  55. :) Yes, Erin, confirmed, that's what I want to know.

    ReplyDelete
  56. @Eden

    The mask can be very constricting. I feel like I need time to go home and recover. I need to let it drop. I can't keep lieing to myself.

    ReplyDelete
  57. @Sinatra

    Are you trying to share an intimate moment with me?

    ReplyDelete
  58. Yes, because you can understand the need to blend in.

    ReplyDelete
  59. @Sceli
    After I do it, tell me how the scientists used the movie

    ReplyDelete
  60. Are we negotiating, Erin? OK, deal.

    ReplyDelete
  61. @Sinatra

    Intimacy doesn't work on me. Try another method.

    ReplyDelete
  62. @Eden

    I am asking you to relate your experiences with the masks you wear.

    Im not trying to get you to love me.

    ReplyDelete
  63. What about rampant sarcasm Eden?

    PMS left you a comment on yesterdays post.

    ReplyDelete
  64. intimacy |ˈintəməsē|

    • a private cozy atmosphere : the room had a peaceful sense of intimacy about it.
    • an intimate act, esp. sexual intercourse.
    • an intimate remark : here she was sitting swapping intimacies with a stranger.
    • [in sing. ] closeness of observation or knowledge of a subject : he acquired an intimacy with Swahili literature.

    ReplyDelete
  65. @Kesu

    I can appreciate good sarcasm.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Heehee, how about me Eden, can I share an intimate moment with you ::wink::

    ReplyDelete
  67. I am above petty intimacy.

    ReplyDelete
  68. @Haven

    The difference being that you and I are just enjoying role play. Sex is not a problem for me.

    ReplyDelete
  69. 'sex is not a problem for me.'

    What would that translate as? Mine is a philosophical question, and not just addressed at Eden. I ask this because I heard that declaration from others as well. We typically don't declare our nonproblems, like we don't say 'dressing is not a problem for me.'

    1. Sex is typically a problem for everybody.
    2. Sex used to be a problem for me and I don't have it anymore.
    3. I have no interest in sex.
    4. I have sex any minute I want and really enjoy it each time without an exception.
    ?

    Sorry, I still have fever and am chatty.

    ReplyDelete
  70. @Sceli

    lol You don't have to say your sorry for trying to find a hidden meaning behind my words. I'd like to hear all the theories.

    ReplyDelete
  71. :) Eden, this was not about you for me. Are you suggesting that you have not heard the statement from others before.

    ReplyDelete
  72. :) Eden, this was not about you for me. Are you suggesting that you have not heard the statement from others before.

    ReplyDelete
  73. oh, my 'sorry' was for taking up too much space on the blog, Eden.

    ReplyDelete
  74. @Sceli
    Please keep talking.I want to hear. You fever makes you more pleasant :)

    ReplyDelete
  75. I treat people like shit and they love me for it. Sometimes ill start treating my wife decent and she starts getting cheeky. After I get curt with her she is all happy and bubbly. Its the same everywhere for me. The nicer you are to people the more you leave yourself open for attack at your flanks. People should be rewarded or punished, not given anything. Not even a kind word or acknowledgment should be given without them earning it. When they do earn it they feel twice as good as if you had just given it away to them.
    A kind word seldom given is like the rare jewel everyone seeks.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Emotion elicitation using films:
    http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/The-Saddest-Movie-in-the-World.html#ixzz1TJaTH41L

    ReplyDelete
  77. @Ukan
    I think you get short term compliance only.In the end ,people will hate you.

    ReplyDelete
  78. @Sceli
    I will look later.I am not in the mood to cry now :)

    ReplyDelete
  79. Is that a fact erin? I bet I could make you compliant to me long term. Easily. You are a much less complex person than my wife is.
    People just say that to make you a decent person. Its good to believe that way because we can't all be wolves. Wolves need sheep.
    I treat people to how they act in relation to my standards. If they don't meet them I dismiss them. If they meet them I am generous. If they go against them I break them down with cruelty.

    ReplyDelete
  80. @Ukan
    I think you think it works cut it appears to short term.
    I think you will find that long term your wife will hate you.
    You can make someone behave from fear but that will not build a true loyalty.
    ONE day, that person will pay you back for demeaning them.

    ReplyDelete
  81. UKan, you're one pussy-whipped gangster. You're muppet in her hands. "my wife' this, 'my wife' that. No difference than 'my socio' is this 'my socio' that.

    She wanted a gangster, she got you. She has no interest in giving birth, pulling your short leash with 'get legit' first excuse.

    She perfected giving you the sense of you are in charge, while she prays someone will bust you when you make enough money so she can move unto a man she can have babies with.

    She already got the house on the lake, didn't she? I'm sure you had her name on paper. Do you lick toes, too? She'd like that a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Do you know what Rose Kennedy did to her husband who ruled by fear?
    He was a cold tyrant to her.
    He had a stroke.She left him there and went for a long walk on the beach.
    When she came back and finally called 911 he was a cripple who could not do a thing for himself from then on not even utter a word.
    Long term--no way will it work.
    It goes against basic laws of human nature.

    ReplyDelete
  83. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  84. I agree that people should be not treated over-generously. Being overly-kind to people seems to bring out their deep inner insecurities.It gives off an 'I am perfect' vibe, and we all hate those that project our weaknesses. It's a necessity to be nice, but being too posh is dangerous, you need to mix the kind up with some bad, give people the impression that you are no better then they are.

    ReplyDelete
  85. If you're a bastard most of the time your acts of kindness will be even more memorable. If you compliment people on qualities that usually go unnoticed by other people, they'll appreciate those compliments even more. Tell the pretty girl how smart she is and the old bitch how young she looks. I don't like being nice to most people out there. I like to piss people off and pick fights. But being nice isn't hard to do and sometimes it has to be done.

    It's like a hen night in here.

    ReplyDelete
  86. You think what she did to him was bad, think of all he did to her. It was a good trade I would say.

    ReplyDelete
  87. I rule my house fairly, that's something you could become accustomed to, right erin? A predator who watches over you? Your own beauty and the beast fairy tale. Isnt that something you would submit to?

    ReplyDelete
  88. :)

    Hen night with two fighting cocks...

    till the cocks start fighting with each other...

    ReplyDelete
  89. The beauty and the beast is an incompatible analogy.

    Your wife is just using you for inside access UKan.

    ReplyDelete
  90. @Ukan
    Want to hear sumpthin"
    My Socio and my song was Beauty and the Beast"

    ReplyDelete
  91. Jason you are alone you fucking fat kid. You remind me of this guy I know. You spent your young days being a 'friend' to girls you were being nice to, while I was their first major mistake. Your the guy they go to so they can cry on your shoulder about me but they never sleep with you.

    ReplyDelete
  92. That's because its all inter related erin. You are submitting to a destiny. You are submitting to a adventure? You are submitting to security. Would you comply with that?

    ReplyDelete
  93. Haha UKan, I just have no interest in tricking some girl into liking me, but it's nice to know that even the scum can find true love.

    ReplyDelete
  94. @Ukan
    Well I was married to a super successful person and had all the material stuff.
    He beat me down emotionally.
    I was to weak to fight back but I hated him.
    What did it get him? Compliance
    He made a slave but not a lover.A lover is heart.

    ReplyDelete
  95. @Ukan
    Hope it has longevity :)

    ReplyDelete
  96. Nice. Now your alone with your cats. Don't talk to me about longevity. You obviously don't know how to please a man. That sociopath is going to fuck you and run for his life.

    ReplyDelete
  97. @Erin:

    Since it's free, a piece of advice... you could get the right kind of attention you need from other places, like from your friends, your family, church and even from support forums over the internet.

    Why aren't you focusing your attention on support forums for the abused? Lots and lots of life changing information there, both from internet buddies and health specialists.

    Why you haven't talked to a pscychiatrist and a therapist I don't know. Perhaps you're trying to take the step.

    You know you come here to replicate the abuse you suffered. It's familiar. It's the most common form of kindness you had. Except you didn't quite know it's twisted and deformed. You try to find humanity in the so called sociopaths here because you want the abusers from your past to be human. It's truly sad, but they weren't. Life's that, shit happens and nice things happen too.

    You need humans. Real humans. You need empathy. The moment you understand there are different types of people, with different personalities in different moods, that come from different backgrounds and diverse world views, you'll understand that some are inherently unempathic, no matter how wishful you are, and that you need to search for the right people. They're out there, by the scores: the ones that will truly like you for who you are - given time and practicality - and treat you nicely in a two-way relationship; not the ones that let you starve and throw crumbs like they're being generous (wich, btw, is the second cheapest trick in the book; the first one is the smile with fake compliments).

    So, again, why you haven't already sought some measure of healthy attention from a support group is the very same reason why you're stuck here. You're forfeiting generous support for crumbs.

    Find a doctor (not just one, probably), make friends, socialize and start doing things that you like. Make your life matter, because it does. You were sistematically taught otherwise, so you need to re-educate your inner self on that. It's your path for a new life now.

    ReplyDelete
  98. @Ukan
    Since you brought it up.What are your ways for a woman to please a man ? I mean it gets lonely with cats so someday I may need it :)

    ReplyDelete
  99. And I pissed off every sociopath on this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  100. @Erin:

    Since it's free, a piece of advice... you could get the right kind of attention you need from other places, like from your friends, your family, church and even from support forums over the internet.

    Why aren't you focusing your attention on support forums for the abused? Lots and lots of life changing information there, both from internet buddies and health specialists.

    Why you haven't talked to a pscychiatrist and a therapist I don't know. Perhaps you're trying to take the step.

    You know you come here to replicate the abuse you suffered. It's familiar. It's the most common form of kindness you had. Except you didn't quite know it's twisted and deformed. You try to find humanity in the so called sociopaths here because you want the abusers from your past to be human. It's truly sad, but they weren't. Life's that, shit happens and nice things happen too.

    You need humans. Real humans. You need empathy. The moment you understand there are different types of people, with different personalities in different moods, that come from different backgrounds and diverse world views, you'll understand that some are inherently unempathic, no matter how wishful you are, and that you need to search for the right people. They're out there, by the scores: the ones that will truly like you for who you are - given time and practicality - and treat you nicely in a two-way relationship; not the ones that let you starve and throw crumbs like they're being generous (wich, btw, is the second cheapest trick in the book; the first one is the smile with fake compliments).

    So, again, why you haven't already sought some measure of healthy attention from a support group is the very same reason why you're stuck here. You're forfeiting generous support for crumbs.

    Find a doctor (not just one, probably), make friends, socialize and start doing things that you like. Make your life matter, because it does. You were sistematically taught otherwise, so you need to re-educate your inner self on that. It's your path for a new life now.

    ReplyDelete
  101. You can start off by having sex with them. No man will love you before that, except jason. If your not good enough you will be discarded. If you are you might make the team. If you dont go to try
    outs you'll never make the team.

    ReplyDelete
  102. @Ukan
    But if you have sex before love won't he leave you (Don't laugh-- You know who you are )

    ReplyDelete
  103. @AMoral

    Where did that long comment you left for Erin go?

    ReplyDelete
  104. @Erin:

    Since it's free, a piece of advice... you could get the right kind of attention you need from other places, like from your friends, your family, church and even from support forums over the internet.

    Why aren't you focusing your attention on support forums for the abused? Lots and lots of life changing information there, both from internet buddies and health specialists.

    Why you haven't talked to a pscychiatrist and a therapist I don't know. Perhaps you're trying to take the step.

    You know you come here to replicate the abuse you suffered. It's familiar. It's the most common form of kindness you had. Except you didn't quite know it's twisted and deformed. You try to find humanity in the so called sociopaths here because you want the abusers from your past to be human. It's truly sad, but they weren't. Life's that, shit happens and nice things happen too.

    ReplyDelete
  105. You need humans. Real humans. You need empathy. The moment you understand there are different types of people, with different personalities in different moods, that come from different backgrounds and diverse world views, you'll understand that some are inherently unempathic, no matter how wishful you are, and that you need to search for the right people. They're out there, by the scores: the ones that will truly like you for who you are - given time and practicality - and treat you nicely in a two-way relationship; not the ones that let you starve and throw crumbs like they're being generous (wich, btw, is the second cheapest trick in the book; the first one is the smile with fake compliments).

    So, again, why you haven't already sought some measure of healthy attention from a support group is the very same reason why you're stuck here. You're forfeiting generous support for crumbs.

    Find a doctor (not just one, probably), make friends, socialize and start doing things that you like. Make your life matter, because it does. You were sistematically taught otherwise, so you need to re-educate your inner self on that. It's your path for a new life now.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Yah if your bad in bed. You must be a let down.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Dunno Eden. Had to try multiple times.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Erin, UKan's suggestion would indeed create a good submissive, and serve the interests of others more than yours--unless you enjoy positioning yourself sexually as a submissive and look at the situation as a pure win-win..

    If you enjoy dominating the scene it's similarly easy, all you have to do is locate a submissive. There are many men who enjoy being sexually submissive, and they do advertise. You could even make money by slapping a few.

    Now, the alternative where there is mutual respect and love and good old love sex where the full package matters will not happen by sitting at home, or practicing sex or asking UKan.

    What do you think YOU need to do to achieve a meaningful sexual relationship?

    ReplyDelete
  109. @AMoralBing
    You have a REALLY good point. Consider this though with an open mind cuz I really don't know the answer either so we are discussing it here,only.
    I have been in therapy most of my life.I have been in the church for years and years.I went to 12 step programs like Al Anon for 13 years.
    I was STILL sick enough after all that to fall in love with a Socio.
    You got any better ideas than SW?

    In theory you have valid points but nothing worked that I tried so what do I do?
    I am coming here trying to face it.
    I don't know what else to do.

    ReplyDelete
  110. @AMoralBing
    I will say this right out.I have a ton of nice friends.I have many men who are interested in me.
    Inside me is the me my mother abused.I don't know how to get it out.
    I am attracted to men who will do the same thing.
    Even if I don't ever have a man,my self esteem is atrocious.
    Nothing fixes it.
    I figured I would try to come here and see what that would do.

    Actually,I feel better.You know why?
    I will freakin kill any bastard who abuses me on here like I did to Frank whom I now love *Hi Frank waves*

    What I did last night to that sick pathetic Bore I could not do to my mother.

    ReplyDelete
  111. ERin, Falling in love with a socio is no indication of sickness or weakness, unless you could have done much better given the circumstances. I mean, being able to bring in a financially well-performing socio is not a bad deal unless you are giving more into it than the other. There could be win-win with a socio.

    Like the old Kennedy lady. She played the best hand given the situation by staying with her socio. When she went back to her dad she was told to go back to her husband (good Catholic dad) and divorce was not allowed. She chose to stick with the church and pop 9 babies, as opposed to running away. But, look at the status the woman had, Kennedy's mother, yeyyyy, big deal for a moron and the friends and family, no?

    ReplyDelete
  112. @Erin

    I see. Well, I can tell you this: the very reason you're trying to face the demon is an indicative that you're gaining strentgh on your journey.

    Remember, the steps are: denial, avoidance, anger, acceptance, transcendence.

    I think you have a modicum deal of anger, but you're trying to accept too.

    The reason you should stick with the strategies and avoid this environment is because you're still not very strong on your feet to face it here. You're being dominated left and right and the fact that you're tagged as the toy is proof that you still can't stand toe to toe with abusers.

    ReplyDelete
  113. I have a theory Erin. You are just a weak stupid codependent. Just roll over, take it, squeal for you master a little, and other than that be silent. You'll be happiest that way. O and stop trying to think. You will just hurt yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Erin, you really did not do anything to Post. He's unchanged. But clearly you felt good after doing what you did. So, heck, go do it to your mother.

    Why not?

    Get it over with. You may actually learn things you had no idea. Seek the truth from the source.

    Also, go to a university library and find some old book written by a sociologist with a title Mothers and Daughters. There will be an entire section, choose the one that looks the best to you. You'll be amazed to read how your relationship with your mum is already nicely categorized and recognized. Reading the stories of these daughters will help you lighten up about the garbage.

    ReplyDelete
  115. @Sociopath: The best thing to do, assuming you mean higher math, is to grab a calc book, an abstract algebra book, a book on set theory, and a book on analysis (real analysis, for the sake of simplicity). Attack them in the order you can understand them. If you reach a point where you don't understand something, find out why and which other book could help. Don't be surprised if you spend a few days on just a few pages. Math books aren't like novels. You can't finish them in a day.

    If you can give me more specific details, I can offer more specific information.

    @Kesu: Replied.

    ReplyDelete
  116. @Anon
    Falling in love with a Socio is a repeat of a background of the same theme--in many cases not all.There are exceptions.
    Mine was a repeat of my mother
    I am attracted to abuse. I feel I am dirty and bad.I have a sense of self which in the toilet.
    I don't know what else to do but come here and try to learn about what I went through with my mother.
    I pick my mother over and over in men .

    @SW
    You will never see me bully anyone.You will never see me start a fight.However,if someone attacks me I will defend myself.
    For the record :)

    ReplyDelete
  117. @Sceli
    If someone attacks me, they will get the best I can dish out back.
    That is all I can do.

    ReplyDelete
  118. You have to know and accept your weaknesses. As much as you'd like to get strong, you should know that the human psyche works in baby steps. Given time, its capacity to heal is truly astounding.

    Focus on the strategies you mentioned. You said they didn't work because you're still sick, but, on the contrary, they probably helped you stabilize and recover a great amount.

    The thing you don't need is to go to epic world war II without guns. Shit, woman, even doctors stay out of this environment. A place with unempathic people is not a place to pour your heart out and ask advice on your traumas. You're just feeding yourself to the lions. They have no language for what you seek.

    ReplyDelete
  119. @Kesu
    I had you really humiliated with the Vagina throwing.I let you go out of the goodness of my heart which is not appreciated around here but I don't think you want me to pin you to the wall again :)

    ReplyDelete
  120. Erin you may not start fights, but you definitely bully, and your name calling is what anyone would consider verbal abuse (even if your targets are unphased).

    ReplyDelete
  121. You see help and truth as attacks and fights. You do try to bully people when in this mode, and you resort to the lamest, least effective kind - juvenile namecalling.

    ReplyDelete
  122. @Erin

    Believe it or not, I actually see the logic in your point of view. If you are afraid of the dark, you don't go to a therapist to get rid of that fear. It makes more sense to sit in the dark room, alone, till you understand the room is no different with or without the light.

    If your goal is to stop caring what people think of you, it would make sense to face the people most likely to get to you, until you realize you don't need validation from them anymore.

    Your behavior reflects that your goal is to do exactly what AMoral suggests, though. That you come here trying to prove to yourself that a sociopath is no different than you.
    They are different though. Maybe you should include the acceptance of that, into your goal of facing things.

    But remember this: You are facing people here under protection of a computer screen. It's not the same at all as sitting in the dark. Go face your mom. That's the only way you can beat it.

    ReplyDelete
  123. @AMoralBing: "The thing you don't need is to go to epic world war II without guns. Shit, woman, even doctors stay out of this environment."

    The sudden shift from soothing to incredulous was enough to make me grin. Bravo.

    ReplyDelete
  124. @SW
    Ok IF someone attacks me--I use my natural wit and brain power to cut their balls off/male or female
    So............
    What is unfair about that?

    ReplyDelete
  125. That's not what I would call wit, Erin. It's called lashing out blindly.

    ReplyDelete
  126. "Ok IF someone attacks me--I use my natural wit and brain power to cut their balls off/male or female"

    *FACE. PALM.*

    ReplyDelete
  127. @Medusa and Haven

    That was fucking funny!

    ReplyDelete
  128. @Haven
    My targets may be phased or unphased.Funny Boring Post JUST came back after I opened up about this and showed my cards.
    Hmmm
    Anyway--I can't control if they are phased or un phased.
    I can just use my natural wit to cut their balls off.
    That is it :)

    ReplyDelete
  129. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  130. Erin, a fight is about hurting someone not feeling good about the way you fought. Do you TRULY believe you were able to hurt anyone on SW so far?

    And, seriously why are you not fighting your mother? Are you afraid her heart may stop? Or, blood pressure sky rocket?

    ReplyDelete
  131. Well this is all theory now .We shall see what happens the next time a person attacks me.......
    Right :)

    ReplyDelete
  132. =)


    @Erin... As Eden said, you see attacks where you are not actually being attacked. Watch some other "fights" here, there are actual arguments and defenses happening. It's a game and a dance, and they stop when the other quits playing.

    You just sling shit at the walls and persist even after someone has stopped speaking to you. You berate and belittle incessantly. I imagine it's something that was done to you so you are in turn, mirroring this behavior that you should want to be better than. Just because it was done to you, doesn't make it any less abusive.

    If you don't want to be treated like an empath in a socio forum... pick another forum. If not, then don't bitch that you're being treated exactly as you should expect to be treated.

    ReplyDelete
  133. why are you still wasting time talking to this bitch erin?

    ReplyDelete
  134. FIGHT THE TRUE ENEMY, FIGHT THE BITCH... THEN COME TELL US HOW IT WENT.

    ReplyDelete
  135. Theory is just that. We shall see.I don't know.Maybe I am right.Maybe not.
    Time will tell.

    ReplyDelete
  136. @Haven
    The person can tell when/if they are being attacked.
    Another person will/can mistake it.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Anyway
    Lets change the subject :)

    ReplyDelete
  138. It's like you have spots in your vision. It's interesting to see what comments and insights you completely ignore and which ones you do not.

    I notice when someone says something that might help you the most you don't respond or reply to it.

    ReplyDelete
  139. you stupid fucking sluts... you can't help but have a cat fight with erin. stfu already.

    ReplyDelete
  140. I don't want to discuss me with you.Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  141. It's not a catfight until Erin starts calling everyone a Pussi or AH.

    Until then, it is a discussion.

    ReplyDelete
  142. I wasn't even talking about anything I was saying, Erin 2:48

    ReplyDelete
  143. discussion is pointless with that stupid ho.

    ReplyDelete
  144. Well I learned something last night.If a person shows you who they are--believe them :)

    ReplyDelete
  145. 92x
    ?071qr
    su.mv32677

    ReplyDelete
  146. Erin, you refuse to learn or respond to suggestions, but maybe later tonight you'll go over what was said. I asked questions for which I still expect some answers when you are ready.

    In the meantime you got me interested in sexual abuse of a daughter by her mother. I'll start with reading this one
    http://cacnd.com/uploads/resources/42/the-best-kept-secret-mother-daughter-sexual-abuse---julie-brand.pdf

    ReplyDelete
  147. It's not a catfight until Erin starts calling everyone a Pussi or AH.

    I will admit though Medusa, her spelling of Pussi amused me. For all of 3 seconds.

    ReplyDelete
  148. "I had you really humiliated with the Vagina throwing.I let you go out of the goodness of my heart which is not appreciated around here but I don't think you want me to pin you to the wall again :)"

    ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? O man, you. You are making me smile. Pinned to the wall. Everything you do is laughable. No one is even offended at what you say when you are trying your hardest. We all think you are juvenile. I have a cousin who has a certain form of mental retardation which keeps her in the mindset of a 14 year old. She closing in on 30. You act just like her. You will never have an affect on anyone here other than to make us giggle. You are simply an idiot. Jesus can't there be a test when a woman get pregnant that determines if the baby will be retarded and if they are abort immediately.

    ReplyDelete
  149. @Sceli
    You don't DEMAND that I answer you.You can ask.

    ReplyDelete
  150. We shall see Kesu .We shall see.Talk is cheap on both sides :)

    ReplyDelete
  151. @Daniel
    I spell it that way cuz I don't swear :)

    ReplyDelete
  152. "I spell it that way cuz I don't swear :)"

    Medusa, please put that one on Sociopathetic! Please.

    ReplyDelete
  153. I am here so I can see people like my mother --up close.

    ReplyDelete
  154. erin does swear. i've heard her say bitch, shit, retard, ass and pussy.

    ReplyDelete
  155. I hardly think that God/Jesus cares about the difference between a swear word and a swear word spelled incorrectly.

    vw: catti

    ReplyDelete
  156. This Twitter is going to the be the vehicle of vigilantism for idiocy =)

    ReplyDelete
  157. Sociopathetic is open for use to anyone here.

    I passed out the username/pass already.

    ReplyDelete
  158. What's the difference between sex with a condom and sex without one?


    God still knows you're not a virgin.

    ReplyDelete
  159. I'll be darn. On that pdf, on page 5 is a list of 'Covert Sexually Abusive Behaviors." Any nudity or sex talk appears to be a symptom. All of that happened in my home, which I thought was a typical European home in this regard.

    I'm moving unto the list of Overt Sexually Abusive Behaviors where touch is involved.

    Feel like a reporter, lol...

    ReplyDelete
  160. My forms of expressions are not your domain or business .That could be shortened to "Who died and made you God?"

    ReplyDelete
  161. I do swear sometimes
    Yes tis true

    ReplyDelete
  162. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

    now i know my ABC, wont you come an- suck my dick mutherfuckers

    8=====D

    ReplyDelete
  163. You leave yourself out here for judgement, then declare "don't judge me!" when backed into a wall by your own straw men.

    ReplyDelete
  164. I want to know what would make someone molest an innocent little girl of 3-4.
    I figure here is the place to find out.

    ReplyDelete
  165. @Medusa P
    Your opinion is not wanted.

    ReplyDelete
  166. @Medusa P
    I learned SW Lesson One last night.If a person shows you who they are--believe them.
    Why would I want your opinion on anything?

    ReplyDelete
  167. Maybe Erin's just a really obnoxious undercover cop.



    If you want to know that. Go ask your mother. One abuser will not have the same reasons or motives as the next. No one here is your mother and therefore does not have that answer.

    ReplyDelete
  168. Erin, you act like a tiny black hole, trying desperately to grab all of the attention you can and suck the life out your environment. Why? Because that’s what you believe you are. Nothing. You can choose to feel and think differently. Changing your mental habits will be hard work, but it can be done. But we both know you'll never do that, don't we?

    I was going to promise not to interact with you here again, but meh, why do that? If I ever feel like rubbing salt in your gaping psychic wounds and since that’s what you want because it makes you feel like yourself anyway, I just may.

    ReplyDelete
  169. @People who could molest a child
    WHO are they?

    ReplyDelete
  170. I learned SW Lesson One last night.If a person shows you who they are--believe them.

    And who exactly am I? Can you tell me this in straight terms without resorting to meaningless insults like AH or Pussi? This is a test.

    ReplyDelete
  171. @Daniel
    Rule One--when someone shows you who they are--believe them
    That applies to you Darling :)

    ReplyDelete
  172. @Erin:

    I feel what you mean. If you will, take this in your heart: dose your exposure. People here don't have your interest at heart, so even if they help you on the truth, it is blunt and unproductive. Even worse, the exposure to truth while unprepared may even reinforce denial and avoidance (like being told you're wrong the most humiliating way possible; of course you will argue and fight back).

    You know those people who are cured from spider fobia and stuff? Gradual exposure...

    Pick your fights, gather your strength. Live one day after another. Build your cathedral one brick, one day, one tiny lesson at a time.

    I hope you gradually go back to those strategies you spoke of. They're nice and very organized.

    ReplyDelete
  173. Erin said I want to know what would make someone molest an innocent little girl of 3-4.

    Isn’t it obvious? You wanted it.

    That is, if you didn’t imagine the entire thing via false recovered memories.

    ReplyDelete
  174. Hello Daniel, I'm not sure we've ever introduced.

    I've had the same thought to completely sever interaction but it somehow doesn't seem to stick.

    ReplyDelete
  175. @Daniel
    Would I expect anything less from the likes of you-----no :)

    ReplyDelete
  176. See I learned one thing at least
    Stink is stink :)

    ReplyDelete
  177. Erin, that pdf has a list of reasons for why/who does that. So far it looks like narcissist mothers who don't feel a separation between themselves and the child.

    There is also a good list of what problems take place during the therapy, as in what the child is fearful of. One of which is the fear that she'll be a sexually abusive mother herself.

    Are you reading the pdf? The title says best kept secret, quite fitting.
    http://cacnd.com/uploads/resources/42/the-best-kept-secret-mother-daughter-sexual-abuse---julie-brand.pdf

    ReplyDelete
  178. @AMoralBing
    Ever hear of flooding.You stay around the obnoxious substance so long you are cured of it.

    ReplyDelete
  179. Ever hear of flooding.You stay around the obnoxious substance so long you are cured of it.

    What? Stay in a flood and you drown, usually...

    ReplyDelete
  180. @SW
    I already LIVED you
    This is nothing compared to what I already lived.

    ReplyDelete
  181. @Medusa P
    Maybe
    Maybe not :)

    ReplyDelete
  182. Hello Haven.

    With Erin, no really does mean yes. And since I'm such a giver...

    ReplyDelete
  183. Since my mother beat on me I suppose I should hang out with more people who beat on me, or somehow get my mother to beat on me some more in order to cure me.

    Homeopathy, yay.

    ReplyDelete
  184. @Sceli
    If you have been in abusive relationships --you were abused.
    Covert sexual abuse or ambient sexual abuse is what you are reading about.
    It is the intent of the parent not the actual thing,often
    The child will feel the intent just like you can feel when someone is picking a fight with you :)

    ReplyDelete
  185. Here I quote
    "mother-daughter incest is the ultimate violation of trust."

    Yikes, sorry, Erin. I'd say think of her as just a body who popped you out. By the way, where was daddy in all of this? Is he still alive? Any other daughters?

    ReplyDelete
  186. @Medusa
    I could tell you some things but I am not up for it now.Maybe another time.

    ReplyDelete
  187. "Ever hear of flooding.You stay around the obnoxious substance so long you are cured of it."

    hasn't worked for us with you. :D

    ReplyDelete
  188. Oh Erin, you should expect the truth from the likes of me. Harsh and unencumbered by any need for whitewashing or sugar coating.

    This place mirrors what you believe to be true about yourself, no more, no less.

    Didn't Jesus say himself, ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door will open unto you?

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.