Thursday, April 7, 2011

Giving in

One symptom of my life being too legitimate recently is an increasing need to exercise self-control, a resource that recent research suggests is in limited supplies:

Results suggest that "people have a diminishable supply of energy that the body and mind use to engage in self-control," says study author Kathleen Vohs, a consumer psychology professor at the University of Minnesota's Carlson School of Management. "When people use this energy toward achieving one goal, they have less of it available to use toward achieving other goals."

***
Results suggest loss of self-control resources isn't the same as being tired, she says. "The ability to engage in self-control is determined by prior use of self-control, not by how much sleep one had the night before."
***
Sian Beilock, a psychology professor at the University of Chicago, says it's interesting that "being taxed in terms of doing one task can have these spillover effects on another." People may think they can compartmentalize the different tasks they do during the day, but it turns out they are all connected, she says.
***
For the rest of us, Vohs recommends being more mindful of priorities:

"When you want to engage in good self-control, the best thing that you can do for yourself is set up your day so you exert your self-control resources toward that specific task you want to succeed at."
Maybe this explains why I have been needing so much alone time recently. My social interactions used to be casual, more for pleasure and relaxation. As my life gets more legitimate, more of my social interaction is professional and highly visible. Consequently, I have had to exercise more self-control in dealing with others. However it is important to realize that exercising self-control in one situation, even in a relatively meaningless social interaction, could hurt the amount of self-control I could muster in another situation in which it might be more important for me to exercise self-control.

The article is right, it's a question of being mindful of priorities and not being a spendthrift with scarce resources. Instead of denying myself all the time, I should find healthier outlets so I can be around people without exercising so much self-control, perhaps athletics or music.

96 comments:

  1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Begotten

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  2. Must watch -

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Poughkeepsie_Tapes

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  3. Anon, get August underground mordum, nothing comes close. It's exciting to watch.

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  4. Behavioural and emotional regulation is of course easier under some circumstances than others. But who doesn't *not* prioritise their day including how much of themselves they'll give to tasks or to others depending on how important they are? Or am I missing the point?

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  5. Oops! But who *doesn't* prioritise their day... *shakes fist at painkillers*

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  6. I agree with this post. I've often been in situations that I've needed to exert an inordinate amount of self control (though from a perspective of trying to not have emoting outbursts - usually of anger). It's draining, causes irritability when I also have to deal with other things, for which my patience is greatly reduced.

    Self control is important, especially professionally and if you want to maintain amicable social relationships. But it doesn't mean the supply is endless.

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  7. i wonder if the government would massacre the populace in developed countries, if they could get away with it. i would imagine there are hundreds of hitlers in every government, which is scary.

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  8. Noteable touched on this before.

    As a normal and empathic I choose or weigh how much I can give,I guess thats the same that other's here are doing with self control. Or at least I'm comparing it to that.

    But I have an instinctual reaction to other's pain emotional or physical that I don't seem to have any control over when it unexpectedly presents the situation to me. This is painful to me and draining so I find the need to be alone or go to sleep.
    Controled small amounts of empathy don't have a damaging or draining effect on me but large ones do.

    I can also find myself in trouble if I give it out to the wrong person in the wrong situation. I think this is where a S/P sees the opportunity to manipulate.

    This is a view from the other side of the coin.

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  9. Those who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder have a highly distorted self-image. They are unable to accept that they might have faults and therefore are unable to imagine how other people perceive them.

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  10. Pointers

    Thomas suggests the following pointers may indicate the presence of someone with narcissistic personality disorder.

    * They expect others to do the day-to-day chores as they feel too important to waste their time on common things.
    * They very rarely talk about their inner life - for example their memories and dreams.
    * There tends to be a higher level of stress with people who work with or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism and staff turnover.
    * They feel that rules at work don't apply to them.
    * Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversation of others.
    * They get impatient and restless when the topic of conversation is about someone else, and not about them.
    * They constantly use "I", "me" and "my" when they talk.
    * If you share the workload with them, expect to do the lion's share yourself.
    * They lack empathy and this colours everything they do.
    * They love to delegate work, and then interfere by micromanaging it. If it goes well they take the credit (plagiarism); if it goes badly, they blame the person they delegated it to.
    * Blame others for their actions and misfortunes.
    * During a conversation, no matter what topic is being discussed, they usually end up talking about themselves.
    * They will always cheat whenever they think they will get away with it.
    * Virtually all their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others

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  11. Sounds like Medusa.

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  12. I co-manage at work with at work with a narcissit, live with a daughter thats bi-polar and have a boyfreind thats a sociopath.
    Are we having fun yet?

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  13. Oh and I forgot to menton my best freind has BPD.

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  14. "and have a boyfreind thats a sociopath"

    Doubtful, every single boyfriend can't be a sociopath, he probably has emotional numbing due to clinical depression and you think he is a sociopath, it could be a hundred other things, stop jumping the gun, it makes you look dumb.

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  15. Whatever !!!!
    Commenting on someone you don't know and to state it as a fact is down right arrogant and ignorant.

    If you have denial issues then thats your problem not mine.

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  16. I heard things like self-control are dependent on glucose.

    It appears that those who drink things like lemonade have more willpower and self-control at their disposal.

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  17. my word goes bitch.

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  18. if people keep slamming doors in my home im going to blow their fucking heads off

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  19. my slutty bpd daughter is out on town with some nigger friends, im going to drink some ale and rape her when she gets home

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  20. Whatever, Madusa in internet drag.

    Your word smells like your ass.

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  21. psycho monkey seekedApril 7, 2011 at 9:55 AM

    very timely post for me... i've lived alone for over 15 years so I have not had the opportunity to tolerate little arguments, etc. As I get older I have no tolerance for conflict, yet mediocre people throw in some sort of conflict all the time. I wish I had my personal psychopath who would delight in attacking such people (not to kill, God forbid, but to just deal you know, like a body guard of sorts. have you seen the commercial where the monkey jumps out of the trunk and attacks the bad drivers.

    ok, don't be mad at me, but i want me a psycho monkey.

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  22. This is good stuff to know. This is why I am such a mess at the end of my day. I never even thought about there being a limited supply of self control, as if it were an exact amount. Are there ways to expand it? I need more.

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  23. @seeked How much does the job pay?

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  24. Kesu if you figure out a way to expand Self-Control, lemme know. I'm too impulsive for my own good some days. I could use a little more.

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  25. I expend most of self control on impulse control like 80 percent. Makes it hard to do other things.

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  26. i love drinking all day long. my life sucks and i don't care about anything, so who fucking gives a shit anyway? lol.

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  27. Anon, if you love drinking all day long then that's the biggest reason your life sucks.
    Your not the master but the slave to a inanimate liquid.

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  28. i'm beyond caring, tik. i think a started drinking because my life was already screwed up, or perhaps you're right and it's the other way around, who knows? i'm in a hole and i'm not getting back out, i've lost everything, my house, my wife, my children, my job. i'm not even depressed any more. i'm too wasted to care. you can tell that i really don't give a damn because i've come to a sociopath blog with a sob story(perhaps they'll get a kick out of it, in which case i'll have served some perpose at lees. i'm just waiting to die to be frank, i wake up every day nd i'm surprised i'm sill here. it all started going down hill when i beat my boss up. it set off a chain reaction of events which sent my life spiralling out of control. it's like i've been falling and falling, and ij never going to stop, until everything stops.

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  29. Waiting to die... You know there's a way to speed that up right?

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  30. yup, i know, but i'm just waiting for the alcohol to do the job for me. i want to die doing the only thing that i still enjoy, drinking. i'm suffering from psychotic depression, i hallucinate and hear voices. i can't tell what's real and what's not anymore. to put it simply, i'm completely out of my mind.

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  31. So you're kind of so pathetic you can't deal with life AND so pathetic you can't deal with death?

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  32. feeling suicidal is a type of freedom that most will never know. a sociopath supposedly cares about nobody but themselves. try to imagine not caring about anyone or anything, including yourself, and that's where i am. i've completely let go everything, everything that i used to be, everything that i could have been. my ex wife, my children, they can all go to hell fof all i care. it's unlikely that they'll get there before me though.

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  33. if you don't care about anything tell us about yourself.
    you said you are psychotic - is it fairly constant or are there episodes? the voices you hear, do they sound like you? are you religious - if so how does that influence what you think of your life?

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  34. Don't be so pretentious. You clearly care about yourself, why else would you bother moving to put that bottle to your lips. You're so desperate to get rid of all that shame and guilt and loneliness that you hate feeling you'll do anything to lose it for just a moment. Ergo, you care.

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  35. ii don't know if it's constant, or not. i can't figure it out anymore, i just know i'm crazy. i hear myself some times, i think i'm actually speaking, but when i look in the mirror my lips aren't moving. i can hear my fathers voice, i always know that it's not real because he's been dead for a long time. sometimes i still get confused, and i call this old numbe i have, but nobody picks up. i don't know if it was ever his, to be honest. i know when i'm hallucinating, alot of the time. it scares the shiy out of me. sometimes i don't know because it all seems so real, mabye it is real. i hardly sleep anymore either. i believe in god, but he doesn't believe in me.

    i'm not afraid to die. i've plyed games of russin roulette with a dummy, and myself. i know that really happened because there are bullet holes in the side of the dummies head, i can feel them.

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  36. Did you seriously just say "i believe in god, but he doesn't believe in me."

    Nah, you're either afraid or you don't want to die. You were right though you are amusing.

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  37. you tried anti-psychotics meds?
    who knows, after a pill or two you might feel normal and happy. if you can't be bothered to even try that then you really may as well just hit the bottle until it kills you.

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  38. Sorry Anon I had to drive home.

    You don't have to base god off of what you believe (thats what your doing) base Him off of His promises.

    He didn't put you in this position, it's consequences.But they don't have to last.

    Stop medicating yourself and slowly killing yourself. Let other's take care of you and go to a rehab via emergency room. See what happens after that.

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  39. i think the amount of energy one has for social situations or to maintain the mask is the major difference between low and high functioning sociopaths.

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  40. @Haven

    Hypnosis may also work.

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  41. When did the psychosis start before or after the boss thing?

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  42. i want to die. i'm not going on any meds. perhaps they would make me feel better, but the feeling they produce would be less real than the voices i hear. my life and my happyness, would be one big lie.

    i know that god has forgotten me, i've lost all communication with him. i'm not worth the effort, and he knows it. i'm lost.

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  43. tik, some people's lives aren't worth living and it's better for everyone if they just die. why are you assuming he should go on living? if you had an old pet dog that was insane and in pain then you would put it down - why not be that compassionate when a human being indicates that it might be the best option for themselves too.

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  44. Thats not what He's telling me Sweetheart.

    He says He works incredible good out incerdable pain. And thats His promise

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  45. after, but there was something going on inside my head before that incident. i couldn't think straight, something was eating away at me. perhaps, that was actually the begging of my condition.

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  46. Res, I can't physically stop him but I was in a similar situation.

    My life is new and it wouldn't be if I didn't get help.

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  47. aww honey, so you hear voices in your head too - then i guess maybe you are in a better position to advise this guy. you go for it ;)

    your imaginary friend isn't very articulate though is he? i didn't actually understand what he was trying to say there.

    look at it this way - if this guy did die soon then you would believe that it was god's will, would you not? part of his plan? who are you to get in the way of his plan?

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  48. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  49. i think the best thing for him would be to see a doc. but experience tells me that you can't use rational argument against someone who is not rational. he's not gonna take any advice; i dunno why he's on here any more than he does.

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  50. I wasn't hearing voices without giving details.

    But I know what it's like to give in and give up.

    He'll never know. God's will is never negative. And He doesn't want this guy doing it to himself. God's not punishing him, he's punishing himself.

    He needs to give it up and let other's help him.

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  51. Mmm. Tik. Question, what exactly is your deity and whole surrounding... religiony thing?


    word verification - hyper
    and I am as it happens.

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  52. God's my father, I have a relationship with Him. And thats it.

    Not religious, I don't follow people's rules.

    And you know what, I live with His presence and recieve as a daughter would His love.

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  53. i do love how the religious claim to KNOW god so well, but fail utterly to be able to make ANY predictions about what his plan is...
    if you don't know someone well enough to be able to make any predictions about their future behaviour then, setting aside any questions about how worthy they are of worship, you really don't know them at all.
    but like i said, there's no point using logical argument against an irrational belief.

    gotta go now - but tik do please enlighten me and i'll check tomorrow.

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  54. For when you check back tomorrow Res, I would believe if I didn't have proof.

    You have the right to your own opinions and it's not up to me nor do I have the power to change them.

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  55. If you don't follow peoples rules why do you put a capital every time you say 'him', that's a rule.
    How do explain things like the tsunami in Japan? A loving God going out, killing all those innocent people? Is he a sadist?

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  56. dont ask those questions tn an tik dont answer them. we already know that you'll never reach a definitive conclusion so lets not waste time.

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  57. its all a matter of opinion.

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  58. Out of respect I use the capital.

    And the earth is having labor pains.
    Why is every disaster God?

    Not anything that happens good.

    You want to blame Him but not trust Him.
    If He punished now no one would survive past being a toddler.

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  59. That's right Anon, one should never seek to understand things beyond their own mind and experiences, 'cause that would just be silly!

    I'm not after a debate about theism. Just interested in your personal belief system.

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  60. @Jason... hypnosis is something I haven't tried. Hm.

    Curious, why do you seem to think my PD is holistically curable?

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  61. I'm not saying it is. I'm just saying if you have an all powerful God, why is it he chooses to let these things happen. He can't be all loving and all powerful.

    So, how far does your worship extend? If you don't belong to a particular sect and no rules apply, do you have your own rules (things that god wants from you)?

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  62. Hearing voices, hallucinations, depression... sounds like schizophrenia to me. They make pills for that.

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  63. this what the blog was like when it first started out. way before all the trolls turned up and way before the ukan and the misanthrope turned up. pure intellectual debate and discussion.

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  64. Yeah but the problem is the pills are never that good. To many side effects. O well. I just hope the guy makes a video of his next Russian roulette session. Sounds like it would be interesting to watch. O god the God debate. This has to be the most pointless debate ever. Instead of proving/disproving god lets dis/prove vampires. GO GO GO!

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  65. Finally, I get it. ME is a butch. A mannish woman who likes to be on top.

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  66. This Sociopath's View of Christianity (from experience)

    In the Old Testament he is a power hungry, ruthless God of War. Thousands, if not millions are slain from the wars he insists upon, not to mention The Flood, for a single Race, not even religion! Instead of ruling us with an iron fist, he has the audacity to give us Free Will and then expect us to act like we don't have it to appease him and defy his own greatest angel who got tired of his BS. Most of the rulers during this period ended in complete, horrific tragedy.

    In the New Testament, we don't see much of anything about him except John's crazy acid trip book of Revalations. His son on earth is some hippy who seems to piss on everything that Old Testament god liked, such as piety, power, and money. Typical son, eh? But no, this is a time of compromise, so now anyone from any race can join their flock.

    The grand mission of course being, to convert the shit out of the entire world. Not to lift up your fellow man, not to advance society, not to make the world a better place, but to follow the new leader.

    And I'm the insane one? Ok, so maybe I am, but this drama of the gods is like a Sunday Night family movie that takes place in a small town's high school.

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  67. If i hear the word sociopath again I'm going to vomit.

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  68. Sociopath.

    Enjoy your dinner. Again.

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  69. Jesus was just a guy who brought teachings from the east to the sensation addicted west. Some say he was a Yogi. The parallels in the physiological control in Yoga theraphy and miracle healings including resurrecton is pretty damn close.

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  70. Religion is just one of many power generating centers, as is finance. There lives the stories of power, hierarchy and dominance. (The big game)

    It is the little stories of the individual which keep one foot in front of the other. (The inner game) And this is linked to connection, faith and discipline. Kinda of a wireless magic, and ephemeral moment. Which is expanded through training/discipline. The living god. Manipulation can perhaps bring this about, yet I believe these moments are gifted by chance and by synchronicity. The arts, music and the humanities touch into this best.

    Fleeting meaning in a meaningless world.

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  71. A person with a personality disorder indicated by a pattern of lying, exploitativeness, heedlessness, arrogance, sexual promiscuity, low self-control, and lack of empathy and remorse. ...

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  72. Human being carry patterns of lying, exploitativeness, heedlessness, arrogance, sexual promiscuity, low self-control, and lack of empathy and remorse at some point in their lives.

    The cure?

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  73. 1. An unstable and aggressive person
    - schoolyard psychopaths will gather around a fight to encourage the combatants

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  74. Psychopathy the way this idiot^ describes himself (I say "himself" because only a dude would assert that drivel- 'just sayin) is CHILDISH and MANIPULATIVE, dip shits.







    THE END

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  75. Schoolyard fights ensue everywhere for many reasons, usually from frustration and pack bullies, or just one really bad bully

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  76. The cure is:

    don't be a psychopath

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  77. "Arrogance" is a gift. Live it, learn it. Just don't show it or abuse others.

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  78. Actually, not in the least bit so.

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  79. i love how you wannabe sociopaths change the definition every time you wish, the truth is sociopaths are abusive bullies, you can sugar coat it no longer.

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  80. Horrible day. Spoke to a "guru" about gurus. Surreal. Can't really hide anymore.

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  81. That's not what Madoff thinks, anon

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  82. "abusive bullies, you can sugar coat it no longer.."


    Doesn't mean that every bully is a sociopath, though, does it?

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  83. You are correct , SIR

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  84. No, but all sociopaths are abusive, they have no conscience or morals, what's holding them back?

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  85. http://raising-a-psychopath.blogspot.com/

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  86. Stop plugging that shitty blog. You're a horrible parent and your child isn't a psychopath, he's a sociopath because you fucked him up because you were too busy cybering and playing WoW to take care of your child's emotional needs.

    Go fuck yourself.

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  87. http://raising-a-psychopath.blogspot.com/ GuyApril 7, 2011 at 11:39 PM

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  88. I would feel so much more smug with that easy bait and hook if I actually believed the person who posted that was the same guy...

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  89. what are the plans for summer note

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  90. I'm actually going on vacation next week, probably. Possibly the Deep South, or Maine. I haven't been to Maine in a very long time. Such beautiful country. I remember Island Hopping up there some years ago. That was a lot of fun.

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  91. awesome! how about you misanthrope? gonna start your serial murdering any time soon? :)

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  92. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22ltlLZkFlE

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  93. Extended version:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GJHr0d8dDE

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