Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Guest post: Morality

When I was five, there was a kid in a cafe where my Father would take me who would steal the toys from other kids. Apparently I would watch him steal the toys from other kids. When he decided to steal mine, I spat in his face, at which point he started crying and went to his mom. When questioned, I asked her why I would spit in his face. My Father highly approved, although did not tell me that he approved or had noticed for a number of years.

Around that time, I got the nickname Ender from my Mother's tech friends, due to my obsession with winning games. I figured out how to beat Civilization II without the ability to read, just playing it over and over and figuring out what the pictures meant.

When I got into third grade, my Mother started moving frequently, mostly for financial reasons. I have moved more than fifteen times in my life, but this is primarily of importance because the next several stories involve bullies who figured they'd pick on the new kid with glasses who read books. My general policy was to hurt them just enough they'd refrain from hurting me in the future.

There are only two cases which I find particularly of note. One was in fourth grade, where three kids tried to pick on me after school. I got one face down on the ground before the others could react, and threatened to hurt him if the others didn't back off. One backed off, but the other decided to call my bluff. I had to break the first kid's arm in order to make the courageous one stop hitting me, which I remember thinking as unfair, since he had given up as soon as I had him on the ground. The broken arm was blamed on him falling down some stone steps at the school, and I helped him get to the teachers. I do not tend to hold grudges.

The second was in seventh grade. A large pack of boys had gathered on the blacktop after school, having decided that if I'd fight two or three of them, I wouldn't fight back against five. They cornered me next to the school one day, and told me they meant to hurt me. I told them to hold on a second, dropped my books, and turned to the nearby brick wall. I then proceeded to bash my head against it until I could tell I was bleeding, turned around, and told them I was ready to fight. The guys began muttering about how they weren't going to fight some crazy bastard, and went away. It was the best way I could think of at the time to intimidate them into not fighting me, because I knew they'd win.

Until I was fifteen, I wasn't sure if I was gay, straight, or what. I simply did not feel attraction toward other people. It wasn't until I found a group who I found intellectually interesting that I became at all sexually active. It just wasn't important enough for me to bother before then. I tend to have one girlfriend at a time, with several girls I am involved with consistently, and then a number of random flings. The girlfriend is one of the major points where I find I deviate from the normal idea of a sociopath. My girlfriend is of genuine importance to me, and their well-being strongly effects my mood.

I do not tend to feel empathy toward most people, but my girlfriend is always part of a population which I call "My People". This has never been more than four people, and is generally at least two. They tend to define my self, with their opinions and advice shaping who I make myself to be.

I have a very strong personal code, which I have gained in large part from my Father, who also seems to function in a similar pattern as I do. I am not really able to articulate what this code is, other than that it requires I not harm others simply for pleasure, and that those close to me are particularly off limits.

Two years ago, around the time I turned sixteen, I started to realize that there is something different in how my brain works than the rest of the population. Sociopathy seems to be the closest thing to a proper diagnosis, but there are several things that simply due not fit with the traditional model. I am curious as to what you think about my particular makeup.

135 comments:

  1. i don't know about the first bully story. would a fourth grader really have enough strength and know how to break another boys arm with his bare hands?

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  2. I haven't heard of a single non-sadistic sociopath or psychopath before. Ever. Same goes for moral codes. If we make 'um, we break 'um.

    If you have low empathy, it could be something akin to Aspergers. Another possibility is Schizoid.

    There's also the possibility that all that moving as a child made it very hard for you to properly form attachment to others. It isn't a PD but nonetheless an emotional deficit.

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  3. This for me is spot on. I think adopting a code you follow arbitrarily changes you quite a bit, but at the core you still just a mirror.

    I'd argue you the more disciplined sociopath, partly due to following your own internalized code.

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  4. You aren't a sociopath, a sociopath would threaten the bullies with a knife, scare the whits out of them, not bang their head on a wall like a retard. When I was younger and I walked by a group that I thought was going to try something, I'd stick my chest out and walk by them, you can't show weakness, because when I see weakness I attack it, that's what they do. If they threaten you threaten them back, If they beat you, beat them ten times worse, otherwise the bullying will continue.

    Sociopaths don't care about girlfriends, family or friends, family means nothing to me, if my sister was to get raped I'd laugh.

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  5. the guys who were beating you up were the sociopaths, you were the victime.

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  6. ^two very stupid comments.

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  7. Explain how my comment was stupid, everything I said is fact, I don't beat around the bush like the others, but they don't know what their talking about I do.

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  8. well this is all very intersting. i was bullied in high school and made an elaborate torture chair in art class with circular saw blades and a severed manequins head on a broomstick with giant nails up its nose covered in lots of blood and wrapped in barbed wire. a maverick art teacher put it on display and the principal removed it. but the kids did not bully me again.

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  9. pre-columbine. lol.

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  10. what do you think of sam vaknin?

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  11. i have met him and think he's a cunt

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  12. i think all of us should get together and commit a huge massacre, we all would make the headlines which is unacceptable, there can only be one star.

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  13. sam has new videos up

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  14. i think all of us should get together and commit a huge massacre

    can i drive the tank

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  15. Adam, wouldn't it bother your ego if you were out numbered enough that you couldn't win? Not showing fear and beating down someone that threatens you, I'm all for that. There's something to knowing your limits though and not setting yourself up for failure. I'd also argue that failure would be letting other people dictate to you what course of action you have to take (i.e. fighting 5 guys). He took control of the situation by choosing his own actions, which effectively did scare them enough to make them back down.

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  16. It never happened me, I wasn't singled out like this guy was, I was in a group that bullied other children.

    There was a person named Brett that my group used to target, his parents hardly let him out of the house because it was a run down area, he took karate lessons but he was naturally a terrible fighter, people who join martial arts are usually victims. We convinced him to put a huge sheet of cardboard over his head one time, I nodded at the cardboard while it was over him to a friend, my friend ran over and pushed Brett while he was in the cardboard, he came out of the cardboard and smacked his head off the ground, and smashed his glasses, I couldn't go back to my area for a day, I thought we killed him haha.

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  17. Brother from Another MotherApril 20, 2011 at 7:29 AM

    After having spent some time perusing through previous posts and comments, the thought occurs to me that some of you might be gifted rather than sociopathic. Of course, some of you sound like imbeciles too. You know who you are. The intellectually gifted are neuro-atypical. Their inner experience of the world is markedly different from the norm. It’s possible that the poster might fall into this category. The Ender reference triggered that idea. He or she doesn’t mention their intellectual capacity though. Notable’s ideas about schizoid and Aspergers also sound plausible.

    I throw the possibility out there because frankly some of you sound far too thoughtful and self aware to be sociopaths. I have a really hard time believing that sociopaths have moral codes of any kind. Isn’t the sociopath, by definition, amoral?

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  18. Morals are relative concepts, not absolutes.

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  19. Part II:

    I blame the whole thing on my friend after I get back, he was already seen as a trouble maker, mainly because I got him to take all the risky moves. Ater a while I started to build a superficial friendship with Brett, I found out Brett had a new games console and his fridge was always filled with soda which i wasn't used to. Even at that age my friends would always laugh at my jokes, if they didn't I'd take offense. We were walking up to Bretts house I was telling a friend how Brett was being used and I didn'tlike Brett, Brett opened the door and handed me a soda, I turned my head towards my friend and wispered, 'now I'm starting to like him' lol.

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  20. When you try and fool people into seeing you as another person Notable, change your writing style, you have the nerve to call others imbeciles, when the biggest imbecile is you.

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  21. I'm easily the most manipulative person here, by miles.

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  22. Haven:

    Relative or absolute, why would sociopaths actually give a damn about morals of any kind? It's one thing to pretend for the masses. It's quite another to actually abide by some kind of moral code when the masses aren't looking.

    Kesu:

    I know, on a site called sociopathworld, nothing anyone says can or should be trusted. Even so, I assure you, I am not Notable Path. The fact that you think I am made me smirk though.

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  23. I know you are Notable, you half autistic douche.

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  24. I doubt most do care about morals. But many do care about masks and the ability to create masks to get by in social situations. Control doesn't just arise spontaneously. It's something most people have to work at, moreso socios. If someone acts on every impulse when people aren't looking, it's going to be harder to temper those impulses when you're around people you're trying to maintain a mask for.

    A code of conduct, as a form of personal morals, perhaps.

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  25. I trap people automatically it's not a conscience decision, it happens in phases without planning.

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  26. don't you guys think that ME is very similar to Sam?

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  27. Sam Vaknin? Lol no, he sounds like a softie compared to Vaknin.

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  28. Haven:

    Self control is one thing. The thoughts displayed here though indicate minds that are perhaps asynchronous from the norm but not necessarily sociopathic.

    Kesu:

    Your certainty really tickles me.

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  29. Wet:

    To the degree that M.E. has turned being a sociopath into a cottage industry, yes, he does remind me of Sam Vaknin.

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  30. I agree with the thought that some here have minds asynchronous from the norm but may not be socio. For whatever reason a lot of people glorify/idolize being a sociopath. They try to fit their atypical thoughts into a recognizable category. Perhaps to rationalize why they are different. There's comfort in a label I suppose. Knowing they fit somewhere, can explain why they do the things they do. That's an extremely unsociopathic sentiment though.

    It's more likely that self indulgent children want to be more special than they are and act out somewhere there won't be any repercussions.

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  31. I agree with Note post about the strong sadist aspect in sociopathy as one of the most important markers. Drive to power is another.

    The biggest argument on this blog seems to be authenticity, which I believe is difficult because the lens box is just too small and defines the answer to be only black or white. Grey is the hidden option.

    Living in a moral code world (aka sheep, the cultural dominated) with no moral code (aka wolves-instinct dominated) is quite a crucible. Diagnosis aside.

    Everyone who visits here is in some state of self-reflection, boasting, challenge or interaction.

    Hell, why not?

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  32. Sociopaths and narcissists don't choose not to have a moral code, they are naturally that way.

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  33. Haven " There's comfort in a label I suppose."

    My point exactly.

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  34. Haven:

    Well said.

    Anonymous @ 8:23:

    Right. Not only that, I doubt it would even occur to a real sociopath that they need a moral code of some sort. Or if it did, they would falsely see themselves as the bearers of all things righteous and crush those who disagree - in the name of "goodness".

    I've made my point. I know that it'll be lost among those who need to see themselves as something they are not as a means of coping with their insecurities. But for those who are brave enough to risk genuine self inquiry, consider the possibility that you may not be a sociopath. Maybe you are gifted or schizoid or... just plain human.

    And Kesu, keep working on those detective skills!

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  35. Now Not able is trying to be zhawq.

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  36. M.E. doesn't remind me of Vaknin at all. Notable does, though.

    After having spent some time perusing through previous posts and comments, the thought occurs to me that some of you might be gifted rather than sociopathic.

    I've said this myself several times, and I'd agree. Most of the 'gifted' ones have disappeared, though, and now we are left with mostly narcissists.

    Kesu, your skills of perception really sucks, and your 'eureka!' moments are usually wrong. Love you!

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  37. Why is MY NAME being used before I've even given my first post of the day? You can at least wait to copy me after I make my first post. So annoying.

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  38. Medusa I may very well do that...-_-

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  39. Oh and Notable, that wasn't mean as a diss. I actually like Vaknin.

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  40. How is notable like Vaknin? Vaknin hates women, have you seen I, psychopath?

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  41. Kesu, your posts have strong opinions. I agree with Medusa. Don't let the trolls undermine your voice. Better to have opposing views provide that.

    Medusa likes everyone. Good tactic.

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  42. Hatred is as blinding as love. The middle ground has surprising more footing for power, fact finding and general flexibility of movement. Yet a good fight either overt or covert is hard to beat.

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  43. it's very unlikely that note is a narcissist, narcissism stems from problems with the mother figure.

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  44. let me see what you look like you cowardly fucks

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  45. Soulful.... I like that and certainly agree. Hatred is as blinding as love. They're the extreme sides of the same coin. The phrase 'everything in moderation' seems pretty prosaic, but finding that middle ground, or at least not getting trapped by one extreme provides more opportunity. Doesn't mean extreme measures aren't sometimes necessary, but living all on one side or the other is a good way to burn yourself out.

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  46. @Anon... most {?} Socios have a narc streak. It's not uncommon.

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  47. the only people who i believe are sociopaths on here are, kesu, adam, ukan and misanthrope... why? they provide evidence and they never changed...

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  48. I just realised something, everything i say is fact and everything haven says is stupid.

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  49. I was snooping through M.E's twitter to see if i could catch a glimpse of one of you.

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  50. You know what they say about opinions and ass holes, right?

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  51. It's not an oppinion it's a widely known fact.

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  52. Notable is like Vaknin in that he likes to play the 'super expert' and has an answer for everything. And posts everywhere he possibly can, always referring back to his own posts. Also has a smooth writing style. Not quite as poetic, though he has his moments.

    And he does indeed have severe mother issues, which he never talks about.

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  53. Yes but notable does it to help people, Vaknin does it for narcissistic supply and Vaknin very rarely replies to peoples questions.

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  54. AS far as hatred and love I can say this. I've never been motivated by love to do anything. Hate though. Hate has pushed me forward. It gave me substance when I lacked it and drove me onwards when I was weak. For the longest time in my childhood all I had was pride and hatred. They were water and bread to me.

    ...I must wonder though what the other side of the coin feels like. I can't even begin to imagine. I think I grew up in such a hateful environment where love was such an alien concept that those pieces of me shut down. In truth compassion sets off alarms in my head to this very day. Do a kind gesture towards me and watch my paranoia kick in. I can't help it at all. I can't even say how many times I've had the conversation of
    Me: Why are you doing this?
    Person: To be nice.
    Me: What do you want? What are you trying to get?

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  55. Notable does it for the exact same reasons Vaknin does it.

    Vaknin also writes under the guise of helping people. He does reply to people's questions, usually with a massive list of links to stuff he's already written. Not much different than Notable always referring to his blog posts.

    Notable just has more time on his hands to write more personalized responses.

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  56. Fine line betwixt love and hate, yep.

    I see my ex around sometimes, and it's always a crazy staring contest. Like, who is going to look away first? Who is more intimidating? Who can bore the biggest hole with the eyes?

    I kind of love it. It's extremely charged, just as much as love, and there is an intense amount of lust being passed back and forth. The chemistry is incredible.

    I always come home with the thought, "It ain't over, and it never will be."

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  57. Meh, I flash between intense love and intense hate. The middle ground for me is almost a blank. It's a calm sort of acceptance but not really emotional. I'm either really attached, or I could leave as easily as stay.

    I hate love sometimes. For me it's intense and maddening. Exhilirating and devastating. It's never easy, or stable. But it's always alive. Even the craze it causes makes you remember that you're connected to someone here, in some way. I'm absolutely the wrong person to give perspective on this.

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  58. I despise everyone except me.

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  59. medusa, your arm chair diagnoses of notable is way off, malignant narcissism is extremely destructive, the malignant narcs need to verbally abuse people to feel better about themselves, when has note ever told of his abusive ways? malignant narcissists are highly "toxic" people. you are just giving him unwarrented attention.

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  60. Fact: We all gravitate to the juice.

    Stimulus junkies . . . all of us.

    Everything else is Maya window dressing.

    Kesu: Believe it not compassion supplies just as much juice as hated to some people. Again we are all wired to feed.

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  61. Anon, calm the hell down.

    I said Notable is like Vaknin in terms of intent, mostly internet related. I did not say he was a malignant narc. I did not make any diagnosis.

    Anyways, Notable refuses to give us any real stories for whatever reason, so what the hell do you know?

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  62. tnp has no stories. he goes to work and the sits on his computer at home.

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  63. he types up the most boring stories to EVERY SINGLE ONE of his five fans.

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  64. Medusa fuck that anon. Why even bother. Cowards who don't even have a face to come on stage aren't actors worth mentioning. Just extras that fill up the empty space with unimportant trivial actions.

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  65. "Cowards who don't even have a face to come on stage aren't actors worth mentioning."

    You take this place way to seriously, Kes. anything other then trivial and unimportant would be out of place here, it's a blog! besides, everyone here is anonymous.

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  66. Heh. You're the one getting all up in arms about "armchair diagnosis".

    Kesu said the same thing you just did.

    you are just giving him unwarrented attention

    =

    Medusa fuck that anon. Why even bother.

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  67. lol shut up medusa u beady eyed slut, i will rape u lol

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  68. that story about bashing his head on the wall to scare away the bullies reads like something he made up. something he lay in bed imagining he had done, when in reality he had got his shit kicked in.

    "I have a really hard time believing that sociopaths have moral codes of any kind..."
    i think i agree but really if i've learned anything about the subject is that there are many overlapping circles of traits that at the extremes fit stereotype diagnoses of sociopathy, aspie, schizoid, or narcissist, but really where do you draw the line and does it really matter if you put a name on something? you can try to tell me there are 7 colours in a rainbow but i know it is a continuous spectrum.

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  69. Everyone knows I have an unbridled hate for anons. Any reason I can see to fire off at them I will.

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  70. Ah this post hit it right on the dot.

    I am an aspie, but I am different from most of them. I really am starting to think I have a mixture of something.

    Not sociopathy, but some schizoid, and narcissism.

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  71. Look if you try and fit the cookie cutter 2 things happen. 1. You try and fit the symptoms pushing your farther into it if you are already it. 2. You say look at all these little bits that don't fit I must be something different.

    The fact of the matter is that if you hit most of the main symptoms you are probably it. We are all a mixture of nature and nurture. As much as we all want to say we are above the influences of the world around us it just isn't true. Even with Medusa's bubble people still bump into her and push her this way or that way. The experiences we have shape our views. Everything about people is contextual. People aren't absolutes like numbers. This however doesn't mean people are unique snowflakes either.

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  72. I scored 38/40 on Hare's PCL-R.

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  73. where, on quizilla? lol shut up adam.

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  74. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xZMjpDD9go&feature=related

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  75. Adam, you have to be 18 to be diagnosed - so you have 6 years to wait before you can hope to achieve your life's ambition of being an official psychopath.

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  76. 34uwetkleh5ysdr;kytrkjykjrkluyrktjukrujkrtunr6nukn

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  77. excerpt form guest post:
    from Two years ago, around the time I turned sixteen, I started to realize that there is something different in how my brain works than the rest of the population.


    every normal sixteen year old thinks that. you seem intelligent.

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  78. Medusa said...
    Can't wait!


    leave some for me!

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  79. Kesu said...

    Adam, you have to be 18 to be diagnosed - so you have 6 years to wait before you can hope to achieve your life's ambition of being an official psychopath.

    Ok I didn't write this but... This isn't mocking. Well not me. So one of you little anons is starting to worship me or at least wants to be me. So all I can say is please be a hot Japanese school girl. No penis. We can meet up for drinks. I'll treat you right. Just for one night. A night you'll remember for the rest of your life. I can assure you on that one.

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  80. Kesu you just made me spit wine with the... "Adam, you have to be 18 to be diagnosed - so you have 6 years to wait..." comment.

    Rock on.

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  81. Most of the comments in my name are from those imposters also, I would sign into my blogger but I'm lazy.

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  82. Why are you happy at him abusing me? That was a harsh blow, you have no idea how much of a sensitive soul Adam is.

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  83. ughh, shut up kesu you sleazy litte bastard.

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  84. this place is boring without the sociopaths.

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  85. stop talking about shit that nobody cares nobody cares about.

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  86. hahahahahaha shit.

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  87. Wow. Wouldn't it be nice if people could just be open and talk about their feelings and... oh wait. Who the fuck cares.

    If you're bored, pick a topic. Odds are the rest of us will pick it up.

    {also = drunk)

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  88. Why don't you your childhood with us Haven.

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  89. Fuck my childhood. It was all puppies and rainbows shitting unicorns.

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  90. Or unicorns shitting rainbows. Whatever

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  91. What about your dad, how was he?

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  92. He was a critic but basically awesome.

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  93. @Haven

    I promote holistic treatment for you like hypnosis, because you seemed to have tried everything.

    Experienced hypnotists also jerk you off mentally. It's really good. If you listen to it repeatedly for a year, you can make real changes.

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  94. What caused your bpd? were you raped?

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  95. For a year? Who has time for that? I barely have an hour a day free for myself. How am I supposed to get a years worth of hypnotherapy?

    The erotic hypnotist Roommate and I saw did the pleasing hypnosis thing (not to me). idk. It was all kind of, new agey to me

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  96. Nothing caused it. It's just my temperament. Things exacerbate it over the yeaSR, BUT it's just there.

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  97. did he touched you?

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  98. mp3 audios are a one time payment and you listen to them for 20 minutes max. Unless you are too busy for that.

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  99. @Jason... which audios? I can do 20 min

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  100. http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/

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  101. I made up an account once on a rape victim site, told her a sob story that I was a girl who had been raped as a child, she explained in detail how her uncle would molest her, awesome.

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  102. lol shut up faggot nobody cares about hypnosis faggot i'll smas your face in then see what good hipnotism does lol

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  103. @JC

    You have a problem with faggots? Yes I am a faggot. Whatchu goona do?

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  104. lol i'll come to your faggot club and smash you fag face in like i did to a faggot one time in the street and i left him in the middle of the street lol

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  105. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  106. The reason I never talk about my mother is because she didn't raise me. I have a small handful of memories visiting her, and that's it. To say I have mother issues because I was raised without one seems a bit silly. Then you could argue these new age parents (two daddies) will have a bunch of fucked up kids because they weren't attached to a teat during formative years. Possible? Sure. More than likely, you can't imagine a childhood without a mother, and therefore believe it damaged me to not have one.

    Personally, I find BAM insulting, and how you could mistake me with him is ridiculous. This poster makes the argument that if you are in a state of introspection and have heightened intellect, you most likely aren't sociopathic. S/he is making the daily Anon argument that if you aren't a hardcore stupid criminal, you aren't a sociopath.

    Psychopaths and Sociopaths are created from either nature, or nature and nurture, and to discount a personality disorder based on the fact that someone can stop for a moment and use their brain is like saying 'that nigger must have some white in him because he can read.' You're the equivalent of a colonial era anthropologist, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

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  107. Please sent for me. I have no penis or radiation. I love you long time.

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  108. It's just that the few times you referred to your mother, you sounded very bitter.

    I have a friend who's mother was never around and he also claims it didn't damage him and that it's no big deal to him, but that's bullshit. He's a wandering nomad with no attachments (not to mention an alcoholic) for a reason, and mostly only has superficial friendships (drinking buddies).

    My mother was around but she did damage me (though I love her to death now), so it goes both ways.

    In terms of intelligence vs sociopathy... I think the point was (or at least it is when I say it) that those that are highly intelligent are also often, shall we say, removed in a sense and have that 3rd eye, and can see past blind morality. Standing-on-the-mountaintop type of perspective. Take Birdick for one example.

    BAM didn't jump to the conclusion that you just did, namely that intelligence precludes sociopathy. It's just that it's possible, that when people are trying to figure themselves out, they may be mistaking one for the other.

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  109. "but living all on one side or the other is a good way to burn yourself out"

    That explains why there are more sheep than anything else. The few who don't have that attitude seem to be able to maintain a 'standing army' mode at all times. Most just don't have the ability or see the point.

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  110. I'm going to join Ukan in Libya. I know he'll take good care of me. Medusa, you should come too

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  111. Okay. But I think he's just in Irish business school... or dead, or in prison.

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  112. Could it also be fear or aversion of the prosaic or mundane that drives some to the mountain top? I think intelligence, like morality, is also likely to be contextual.

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  113. I believe we clear up our issues with our parents when we pull back the projections and/or use the wounds as a motivation to excel. Both have substantial outcomes. Who does not carry a wound? Best presented as a battle scar. Whining and blame can be limited and short sighted. Also humor offers humility which closer to the paradox of reality than an inflexible story one telsl themselves over and over.



    An what ever happened to Daniel Birdick?

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  114. Oh, so you have a friend who had a similar situation and assumed it affected me the same way? Pity.

    No, I'm not bitter towards my mother, and I'm not one to hold grudges either, except apparently towards my father, according to my psychologist. Now there's some bitterness, no doubt. I won't deny I have daddy issues, hell, I even did a blog post called (Narcissist) Daddy Issues :P

    I don't see how being intelligent and top-tier equates to being sociopathic in the least. Having a higher opinion of yourself, and rightfully so, sure, as in Narcissistic. ResC commented on how actual competence directly correlates to perceived competence with a blog post he did a few months ago. It does not however explain sadism and a perpetual need for power and dominance. Wouldn't you think such a divine creature would be above such needs?

    So no, I don't see how anyone would honestly think they were a sociopath if they actually knew anything about sociopathy. There are a handful of low to no empathy disorders and situations that create such low affect that do not necessitate sociopathy.

    If someone is highly intelligent, they won't stop at the "No empathy" clause and go, "THAT IS SO ME!!!"

    That's pretty much the opposite of intelligent.

    PS: I am so not sleeping in my bed tonight. I just saw a huge goddamn spider crawling on my bed and I can't find the damn thing now >.>

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  115. Another comment eaten by the Spam Filter. Le Sigh. It will be back in a few hours, hopefully.

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  116. Ho, ho, ho! Well, if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles, you eunuch jelly thou!

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  117. Alex... are you now, or have you ever been, a homosexual?

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  118. could someone elaborate on what schizoid is (particularly in comparison to a sociopath)?

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  119. "I doubt it would even occur to a real sociopath that they need a moral code of some sort.

    Or if it did, they would falsely see themselves as the bearers of all things righteous and crush those who disagree - in the name of "goodness". "

    The second paragraph above... Do we have a socio like that in SW?

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  120. Not the fancy italicized type.

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  121. Could it also be fear or aversion of the prosaic or mundane that drives some to the mountain top?

    Unlikely, as fear usually burrows, doesn't ascend. I suppose it's possible in some sense, though. Although I'd argue that it's a fake mountain top. read: narcissism.

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  122. I want italicized faggot surgery, dammit

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  123. Well, as long as you aren't a fancy italicized homosexual, you're OK in my book, Alex.

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  124. That would be common place 'fear'. I was referring to a more specific fear. Anyways you did answer the question at the end.

    How do you reconcile an intellect required to be supremely functional in the human context to 'exhibit' amoral, narcissistic or non emotional characteristics without being 'targetted and destroyed' at some point?

    Wouldn't the truely smartest/ruthless to the core actually be like nothing portrayed by Hollywood, Hip Hop culture or sensation feeding blogs like this
    or Vaknin's but instead be entirely comfortable with the most prozaic image? Isn't sharing, show casing or 'trophy/reputation' collecting and polishing entirely incongruent with the purest apathy required in the larger scheme of things?

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  125. How do you reconcile an intellect required to be supremely functional in the human context to 'exhibit' amoral, narcissistic or non emotional characteristics without being 'targetted and destroyed' at some point?

    Superior intelligence and awareness.

    Regarding your last paragraph: Yes. Indistinguishable from the loss of Ego (or at least having the gift of being able to hide it well). I guess that's what they call Enlightenment. But without the Ego one wouldn't feel such a need to be 'ruthless' (although it might happen anyway but without the intent, or the 'power' goal)... so...round and round we go.

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  126. I wonder sometimes about the relationship between Ego and Intelligence. I mean,..the inherent self destructive part of the Ego that requires the additional(wasteful?) effort of 'control' doesn't seem mathematically well thought out.

    I can understand strategic boasting to create envy and a following though. But envy swings bothways.. so round and round we go again?

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  127. I see a similarity with the close circle ''my people'' agenda that you mentioned. I work in exactly the same way and over the years I've come to a realization that I was different in a lot of ways from other people although not outwardly.

    In any case, I treasure ''my people'' dearly and I would protect them in a lot of ways. Still, in many other ways, I feel restricted, primarily because there are a lot of things i cannot accomplish.

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  128. @TheNotablePath
    I am sadistic as far as I can tell. I enjoy inflicting pain on people, and it is difficult for me to stop hurting someone once I have begun. It is not tied to my sexuality as far as I can tell, simply enjoyable.

    As for the moral codes, I am not sure anyone doesn't break their own codes.

    Regardless, I have decided since I sent this email that I am likely not sociopathic, just highly gifted with stunted emotional growth, and raised in a family that itself did not value people as individuals.

    But I am also not sure that sociopathy IS just one thing. Why should it be? There is as of yet no concrete brain chemistry to declare that X or Y are sociopathic. So the label itself is perhaps entirely not useful as a concrete diagnosis, which it seems to strive to be, but rather to describe a set of characteristics.

    @Adam
    At the time, I did not carry a knife around with me. When I got into High School, I started carrying a small dagger(Gift from my Father) in my backpack.

    I am not narcissistic, and in general avoid contact with people I do not find either useful or entertaining. It would have been more bothersome to posture for them and other bullies, than to simply beat them when they tried anything.

    @Brother From Another Mother
    I am male and very highly gifted, at least in some respects. I score higher than IQ tests are designed to test, which is 145+. However, while I do not personally identify as sociopathic at this point, I am curious why you think intelligence has anything to do with sociopathy. The sociopaths who are more intelligent seem more likely to me to seem to function normally to most people, and therefore be harder to diagnose.

    As for having a "Moral" code... I agree with @Haven.

    @Soulfulpath
    Has it occurred to you that everyone might be a sheep? In the sense that the herd is important and drives us, anyway. From what I have read and understand, even the most violent and "inhuman" psychopaths are heavily influenced by the people around them.

    As for the liking everyone(@Medusa as well), I find that it is more useful for me to trust people until they prove themselves not worth trust, simply because for the most part they cannot(Will not? Not relevant, I suppose.) damage me in any way comparable to the amount I can damage them.

    (Also @Medusa, @Haven) I find that hate is not useful, and try to avoid feeling it at all. It tends to cloud judgement and create errors. Do you seek to hate, or is it something that merely seems to happen?

    @B.A.M.
    You do not find that a set of rules(Of course to be broken if found to not be helpful in a given situation) helps to keep those around you from, well, running away?

    @Medusa
    Why can people not be both sociopathic and gifted?

    I am also curious as to why people seek to be diagnosed. It seems like an official diagnosis would impair ones ability to do certain things in society, or at least endanger them?

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