Friday, April 15, 2011

Sociopath?

From a reader:
First of all, outwardly I appear charming and intelligent with a readily engaged sense of humor. By the way, laughter is something I've learned to fake perfectly. Very few things are actually funny to me and most of those include scenarios where someone gets conned even for the hell of it or some other kind of misery in those around me.

Speaking of other people's pain - I understand it perfectly on a totally intellectual level but can't feel it myself. When my uncle died recently I had to wear sunglasses a lot because I can't cry on cue (yet). I liked the guy because he was smart and could carry a conversation with me, but the fact that he's gone is absolutely no bother to me at all - I'm not happy about it, it just doesn't make much difference to me.

I honestly don't care for people very much but I keep them around for the same reason I imagine a chess king covets his pawns - they're useful and if I exploit them enough they become invaluable. I'm good at this - to me human interaction is based around a simple principle: you give so you can take, and if you're wise you can give very little and receive a lot.

I've given it some thought and I realized that I have feelings but not emotions - feelings are anger, desire, physical satisfaction - all things I experience powerfully. An emotion is, if you ask me, an attachment to someone based on one of those basic instincts - this is what I lack. I don't care about people at all except for what they can give me and I take a lot of pleasure in subtly manipulating their
emotions when they aren't doing what I want.

I am a thrill-seeker. I have no driver's license and I enjoy stealing my parents' cars at night and going out to party with friends, then sneaking into their room and leaving them by the bed so "there's no way I stole them, Mom." I steal cash, from everyone, but only when I know with absolute certainty that I won't get caught - different people have different thresholds for their likelihood to notice, obviously. Once I do something like this it becomes boring and any small adrenaline rush I may have derived from it is gone.

I have violent fantasies with slight sexual undertones - kidnapping someone, anyone, and doing whatever I want to them for as long as it takes for me to get bored before ritualistically killing them and disposing of the body. I drift off sometimes when people piss me off (which is almost all the time - they are, for the most part, pathetic and weak) and have fantasies like this - for example, I was sitting behind a friend of mine in a car - the man wouldn't shut up so I imagined how easy it would be to loop my shoelace round his neck and just pull till the struggling stopped. These thoughts don't scare me - there is no sense of shame associated with them - they are simply a part of who I am.

It's strange, but as a child I was outwardly very normal. I never understood certain things like birthdays but I did understand that it was important to fake it, so I did. I was never violent but I was constantly prodding at other kids' emotional weak spots for fun. They would go to the teacher and tattle, but I chose such a trivial problem that the adults basically told them to suck it up - and they did. When another child angered me I did this in earnest to spectacular, tearful results. This is how I got my real jollies as a kid but it was never picked up on by the adults around me - I'm a master at charming people older than me and prefer them to those my age - their behavior is much more linear. When I was seven years old my father took me to a lab party (he's a genetic researcher) and I amazed a table of his seven colleagues and boss with my knowledge of the immune system while my parents stood in the background looking politely embarrassed.

I want to know what the readership thinks because, being underage, I can't get a Hare
Checklist (PCL-R) done.

61 comments:

  1. I don't even try and charm people anymore, why should I? They charm me or they can get fucked. My boat my rules.

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  2. I sent a imbred faggot to the emergency room for talking to my girl and now I'm suspended from school for 10 days you know but he should of known not to try to steel her like I said cause I laughed at his smashed in nose and mom was all you know your high and I wasn't but now I am lol and I've got some money from you know breaking and entering and tomorrow where going to steel a car ride around for a couple of hours have some fun lol drink and you know mess with girls give them rides and then dump it and mom can't say nothing cause if she does I'll threatn to kill myself again lol

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  3. Fuck your grammar is weak...

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  4. Who gives a fuck about school when theres fun to be had you know you sound like a faggot Anthony and probaly should kill yourself now before aids does lol

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  5. JC, why would you hit a person for talking to you're girlfriend? That's a very average joe thing to be doing, please excuse me as I have my beautiful coffee to prepare.

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  6. go beat on ur cat again adam lol u fukin zoophelic bastard lol

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  7. If what you say is true than you seem to fit the profile as much as most around here (not that I'm an expert).


    Your grammar is good and your train of thought is well organized. Completely irrelevant but it is nice to see around here.

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  8. Stop copying me you dumbass my girl already broke up with me twice you know and he tried to steel her when she belongs to me and your the average cunt Adam fuck coffee its for faggots you know and one friend of my mom who is not a faggot but a Italian

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  9. JC, you sound like a poor little soul, breakups and re-unions, threatening to kill yourself, you sound borderline, if you change you're attitude some of us may help you, I don't want to help you but maybe someone else feels differently.

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  10. I don't want your help Dr Faggot you know you should keep it for when your dick gets stuck in a billygoat cause you sure will need it then lol I came here to learn how to fuck more shit up and your just a looser who will never be as great as me

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  11. This place is full of fucking drivel because of idiots like you JC.

    And ending every sentence with 'lol' makes you even more irritating.

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  12. Sounds alot like me, very specificaly with the emotional torture (but i do it to middle aged women who dont allow me to have their daughters.) and the way you type with what seems to be an analytical charisma with that intelectual mind and a charming voice definitely sound like a high profile sociopath. I believe i will make a name and become a true voice on this site its got some high points. -Antic

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  13. What sort of a fucking name is phaos sounds like a shitbag faggot name to me you know if you have nothing intersting to say then don't bother cause I always do and if you don't like it you can blow it out your hogg ass and hate on me lol

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  14. I have a really hard time accepting that the comments section of this blog has turned into a dumping ground for social rejects with the dialect of 13 year olds. Some are still trying to hold up their end of the dialogue, but to have to scroll past the screeds of the preteens to get to the halfway decent comments... man, what a chore.

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  15. are you implying that some sociopaths aren't social rejects? if you are then you are a moron, i'm not a social reject but there are thousands of sociopaths that are.

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  16. Poor Behavior Controls

    Besides being impulsive, psychopaths are highly reactive to perceived insults or slights. Most of us have powerful inhibitory controls over our behavior; even if we would like to respond aggressively we are usually able to “keep the lid on.” In psychopaths, these inhibitory controls are weak, and the slightest provocation is sufficient to overcome them. As a result, psychopaths are short-tempered or hotheaded and tend to respond to frustration, failure, discipline, and criticism with sudden violence, threats or verbal abuse. But their outbursts, extreme as they may be, are often short-lived, and they quickly act as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. For example, an inmate in line for dinner was accidentally bumped by another inmate, whom he proceeded to beat senseless. The attacker then stepped back into line as if nothing had happened. Despite the fact that he faced solitary confinement as punishment for the infraction, his only comment when asked to explain himself was, “I was pissed off. He stepped into my space. I did what I had to do.” Although psychopaths have a “hair trigger,” their aggressive displays are “cold”; they lack the intense arousal experienced when other individuals lose their temper.

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  17. Anon @ 9:01 AM: I can only hope that the poor little bastard has passed out en route to choking on his own vomit in a paddock. The letter writer, by contrast, sounds intriguingly debonair. Do most people feel guilty about violent fantasies? I, most certainly, do not.

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  18. to the young kid who wrote this:

    all types of hormones are infiltrating your blood and system, feeding your emotions, and causing emotional imbalances of some sort. by the time your twenty one or two, you'll most likely stop having violent fantasies. if you want to change, you will completely stop having violent fantasies, if you want to embrace the Evil within you then good luck, because every action has an equal and opposite reaction so think before you act.

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  19. Hello Reader.

    First I'll tell you, that if you really want to be tested, there is a PCL for children and youths.

    It's called PCL-YV (Youth Version).

    But it can still only be preliminary (though there're a growing number of psychologists who secretly deal the diagnosis to underage people anyway).

    - From what you've described about your technical behavior is, you're not one who'll find it charming to never have a chance at social advancement in life, and to go to jail when you hit 18.

    I recognize everything you've described - there're just a few more things to add for myself. You seem to be listing text book, sonny! :D


    Your interpretation on the difference between emotions and feelings is interesting. I've heard the two are not the same, but hadn't looked it up yet and always wondered why people would say something like:

    "Psychopaths have no emotions at all!"


    So what do I, as a reader, think?...

    Your lack of symptoms before puberty is curious and unlikely for a psychopath, I don't know if it would be more normal for a sociopath, but I don't think so. And you don't seem like a sociopath to me.

    I'll have to conclude that I don't know enough in order to give a qualified first guess, since there're some details I would have to ask you about first.

    And the very first question would be:

    If you didn't show any symptoms until puberty, does that mean you had normal emotions before then?

    I would get a neurological medical check before thinking about a psychopathy assessment. It may be that there is a completely different explanation for it all.

    Good luck ahead!...

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  20. @Anon 9:54... you think the violent fantasies will stop at a certain age? I'm not even S/P and I still have violent fantasies. Maybe not to the extent of some here but nonetheless, they have never abated.

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  21. Wow, Adam, how many names do you use!?

    Write a story, man. You can kill your cat just by reading it aloud!

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  22. @Haven, yes sometimes i get them too. the correct term for violent fantacies is "Harm OCD" google it. just because you have harm OCD doesn't mean your a psycho/ocio-path.

    when i was fourteen i seriously thought about murdering my parents in thier sleep. i too had alot of emotional imbalances, but my parents provoked me, they were slightly verbally abusive and manipulative. i was a very sensitive child. at the time, how they treated me wounded my self worth.

    but now? now i view my folks as two people who would go to the end of the earth to provide for me, because they have done that, have been doing that all along, and continue to do so on certain aspects, being that i'm grown enought to take care of myself. my point is, human beings are complex for a reason, emotions change, feelings, change, moods change, what we think is a disorder is more than likely a hormone imbalance.

    so yes, violent or Harm OCD fantasies do go away. it doesn't make you a bad person. once you research on it, you'll understand yourself a little better and view yourself in a different light. it worked for me.

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  23. Fantacising about violence is normal, acting out the violence is psychopathic. Fantasising about killing bullies is normal, bullying the vulnerable is psychopathic.

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  24. @Anon... I'm not Socio/Psycho, I'm BPD. Just adding my two cents b/c I've had these kinds of thoughts for at least half my life now. I will look into Harm OCD though. Thanks.

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  25. I have a question for you Reader. Why do you want to get tested? I thought about it at one point, before deciding it wasn't worth the hassle of having the results on my record. Since the results would limit my job options. With limited job options its harder to get into a place of power like a police officer, a member of the military, a member of parliament, etc. So what positive other then having what you already seem to know confirmed, will being tested get you? And in your mind dose it outweigh the negatives.

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  26. That is spot on Adam.

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  27. "It looks like Harm OCD falls into the purely obsessional OC (Pure-O, see Thinking the Unthinkable ) classification. The objective in this classification involves the escape or avoidance (through excessive mental behavior) of noxious and unwanted thoughts. Persons with the Pure-O experience threatening ideation involving the potential to do harm to others or that the idea of having the threatening thought suggests something evil or depraved about their identity, capability, or self-worth. People with OCD often worry that they will cause harm by impulsively hurting someone just because they can. People with these thoughts typically have no history of violence, nor do they act on their urges or impulses (ummm, no). However, people with Believe thoughts as dangerous and overly important, so when a random thought involving harm enters the person's mind, the OCD sufferer begins to worry. They often believe that having such a thought is as bad as performing the action, thus they devote a large amount of their mental effort to attempts to suppress the thoughts."

    For Harm OCD (Aggressive Obsessions) there’s a tone of thinking these thoughts are bad, evil, or upsetting, they indicate the OCD person themselves think these thoughts make them bad people because there is a worry or concern that these violent thoughts might occur. I don’t usually dwell on an individual fantasy. I let it play out, maybe repeating variations on the scenario. I don’t worry about any of these thoughts. I don’t see them as bad. Hell, I use them to add fire to my running or workouts. They don’t cause me suffering. I don’t worry at all and I feel no need to suppress these. I don’t even see anything wrong with having these thoughts. I’m coming down on the side of not Harm OCD, here.

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  28. When someone insults me, which isn't very often I get volcanic-rage, I plan kidnappings, beatings and smear campaigns, but it's fleeting.

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  29. There is a guy who comes into my aunts house, he doesn't know anything about me and he is extremely overtly arrogant. Due to me being a good reader of people I can tell he underestimates me, which makes me see him as an enemy. I was chilling in my room one night with two of my buddies, we were playing madden on the xbox. I already brainwashed my friends perceptions into seeing this guy as an idiot, so he didn't stand a chance, he walked into my room, I looked at him and said "What do you want? Get out of my room" I knew how he was going to react, because as i said he underestimates me "He had a cupcake in his hand and threw it at me, it hit me in the chest. I jumped up and start punching him, he was getting fucked up so he decided to grab me by the balls, my friends jumped in and start hitting him and telling him to let go, in the end he did. As usual I wormed my way out, told my friends to say I was hit first (technically i was). He had to spend the rest of the night in hospital because of his injuries and my aunt got even more fearful of me.

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  30. You see people who underestimate you as enemies?
    I see them as opportunities.

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  31. Some are, this one in particular was an enemy, he had the beating looming over him for a long time.

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  32. "In psychopaths, these inhibitory controls are weak, and the slightest provocation is sufficient to overcome them."

    Speak for yourself or perhaps fool yourself.

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  33. narcissists and sociopaths are the most mentally strong individuals in the world, it's a fact.

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  34. narcissists tend to lack the mental flexibility of sociopaths. with narcissists the strength is in their ability to maintain their mask but the price is a a kind of prison where no matter what life throws at them they can only respond within the boundaries of the role they have cast for themselves.

    the sociopaths have mental flexibility but have to work to maintain a stable image. that actually seems more in the norm to me, that need for down time. it's a mystery to me how narcissists are able to maintain their mask at the level that they do.

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  35. I read here from time to time. It used to be quite interesting and informed. In fact some of the articles still are, but the comments are increasingly purile. Why are American males now behaving (or at least talking)like an inadequate cross between Walter Mitty and Freddy Kruger?
    I don't think I'm a sociopath myself but it really is all becoming a tad predictable. If you're going to claim some violent "victory" at least make it entertaining rather than "I beat him up and made my Auntie cry."

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  36. I think when you say mentally strong it matters what you mean by strength. Yes when it comes to things that would break down a normal person ie: death in the family, being cheated on, etc etc etc, then a Sociopath comes through untouched. We don't make those connections. So those pose no real stress on us. However, I've been keeping up my current mask for close to a year. It's shattering my internal control system. More of my anger is pushing through to the top. More negative actions are making their way out. Urges that I had buried are resurfacing. I find myself often daydreaming about things that I did when I was in high school. The headaches are worsening. My mind keeps trying to retreat. I'm losing the ability to focus. There is something I have to do though. So I can't stop. I wonder though. Am I going to succeed or break?

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  37. sociopaths seem narcissistic a times which makes me wonder if there are two kinds of narcissism.

    a typical narcissist is preoccupied with his image at the expense of everyone else, including himself. the sense of being alive and self-preservation seems connected to the image.

    the sociopath uses image to manipulate and seems preoccupied with satisfying the needs of the self by way of conquests and such. isn't that a type of narcissism too?

    i wonder if the sociopath's feeling of emptiness comes from not identifying enough with the image he or she projects? i mean when you think about it, aren't we little more than a collection of ideas of ourselves and deep down at the core this amorphous mass of need? maybe the best we can do in life is fool ourselves that it's the ideas of ourselves that are real.

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  38. Kesu said...
    However, I've been keeping up my current mask for close to a year. It's shattering my internal control system. More of my anger is pushing through to the top. More negative actions are making their way out. Urges that I had buried are resurfacing. I find myself often daydreaming about things that I did when I was in high school. The headaches are worsening. My mind keeps trying to retreat. I'm losing the ability to focus. There is something I have to do though. So I can't stop. I wonder though. Am I going to succeed or break?


    i'm in a similar situation - work related. i focus daily on my long term goals. a sense of humour really helps too. with respect to emotions, don't let them trip you up. examine where your anger is coming from. if logistically your present state will get you where you want to go and no change or action is needed, then you're good as long as any issues that come up don't threaten that. if you're feeling disrespected, as an example, and reacting to that, then you have competing needs. you have to decide if your longterm goals are more important or your need to feel respected. your whole self has to buy into your goals.

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  39. I sometimes wonder how other people view their world, my own is quite dull, I don't belong to anything so it's a blank canvas, I don't have anything that I could say I treasure other than my life.

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  40. i asked this bitch nicely for some info in a very complimentary tone three days ago. she's been giving me the silent treatment. what should i do? i sense something is not right in her mind towards me, should i just ask bluntly?

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  41. What do you mean flexible identity? Are you just copying what M.E said? Because i see that a lot around here.

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  42. "sociopaths seem narcissistic"


    Sociopaths aren't narcissists "AT TIMES" their narcissists all the time, all psychopaths are narcissists but not all narcissists are psychopaths, if you aren't hypersensitive to criticism and emotionally abusive then you aren't a sociopath.

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  43. @Reader: Personally, you just sound like an amoral twat to me.

    You claim you have violent fantasies, but have never been violent? Ever? No history of violence at all? That's sort of like fantasizing about sex when you've never stroked your genitals. Why would you fantasize about an abstract concept of which you have no appreciation?

    You sound a lot like another person who frequents here, someone who is not a sociopath/psychopath, and is an immature child who indulges in being naughty.

    When you don't have a conscience, doing good, doing bad, it doesn't matter. You get pleasure from a set of things on both sides of the fence.

    So I'm sticking with my original assessment. Amoral Twat. I know it isn't in the DSM, but it's a common enough ailment.

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  44. a great trick the elite used on the masses is the word psycho, now anytime an elite gets called a psychopath people automatically say that a psychopath is a mentally deranged person, it could never be a super intelligent charismatic person.

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  45. "You sound a lot like another person who frequents here, someone who is not a sociopath/psychopath, and is an immature child who indulges in being naughty."


    Haha, notable is still afraid of directly insulting me, and rightly so. What have you done? You do exactly what reader does, talk. You are getting annoyed because you don't have the balls to pull the stuff I do, so you go home and vent on you're little blog.

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  46. "You get pleasure from a set of things on both sides of the fence"


    Yeah, good luck with that one Dexter.

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  47. Anonymous said...
    What do you mean flexible identity? Are you just copying what M.E said? Because i see that a lot around here.


    are you referring to my post? by mental flexibility i meant chameleon. I am one. i can adapt to whatever situation i am in. keeping it up for long stretches of time is a hard though and I need down time (M.E. wrote about this recently). for me a few minutes will do, then i'm good again. but i'm amazed at the narcissist's ability to stay in character. they just keep going.

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  48. YOU WANNA GO TO WAR COCAROACH? I FUCKIN TAKE YOU TO WAR

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  49. The sad thing Adam, is the fact that I knew you were going to reply to it after I typed it out. A consequence of your own narcissism, I suppose.

    But it does sound like you, doesn't it? I guess it could apply to a lot of people here. You naughty, naughty little children.

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  50. hey! whadoido w the silent treatment bitch... send me the socio monkey...

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  51. What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.

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  52. I haven't seen the original Scarface, but it's been sitting in my queue for ages. How does it measure up to the one with Al Pacino?

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  53. Someone should grab the youngling and take him out to scrap. See how he likes the violence when it's right in his face, not just in his mind.

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  54. And now Donald Trump wants to run for president.

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  55. Let Snooki be his running mate. The perfect Republican running duo.

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  56. *looks around blog with a flashlight*

    Hmmmm

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  57. Tony montana is a true socio.

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  58. Some of this resonates for me. I never got the point of birthdays or sentimentality, was annoyed by the nonlinear behavior of other children, and was and still am capable of a high level of cool detachment regarding people (though not animals) and imagining unpleasant doings in a spirit of chilly interest many people would find very unattractive. American childhood and adolescence are conditions of ridiculous indignity that someone with a dark imagination will feel very keenly - some of your dark fantasies may not be the result of anything you are, but of the conditions foisted upon you.

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