Monday, February 16, 2015

Tips for dealing with someone with a personality disorder

For those that missed it, I liked this comment on the last post about how to interrelate with someone with a personality disorder:

Let's start a list of recommendations for dealing with a PD.

1. Call them on their shit. The more they get away with, the more they will try. 
Give them an inch, they will try to take 3 miles. Then bitch that you never give them an inch...
Firm boundaries are your friend.

2. Don't be a pussy. 
No passive aggression. It's annoying. They are not mind readers and being passive aggressive will only make them see you as a weak bitch. Especially if you are a man. 
I don't think it's possible to respect a man who acts like a weak bitch.

3. Be honest. 
Don't try to outplay them. They will most likely see through it. Then they will make you cry for it later.

4. Make yourself valuable to them. 
If you are valuable, they are much more likely to behave better towards you.

I'm going to try to elaborate on and provide synonyms for each of these in turn, at least as they would apply to more my end of the spectrum.

1. Have firm boundaries. People with personality disorders don't have their own personal boundaries (yes, it actually is possible to influence them in ways that you wouldn't be able to influence others or get them to do crazy stuff because they don't have the same sense of off-limits that everyone else seems to have) or great sense of other people's boundaries. If the PD person wants to maintain a relationship with you for any reason, best thing you can do to help them out is give them firm boundaries and reinforce them as necessary on the small stuff instead of letting it get to the big stuff and then flipping out on them.

2. Use direct, not implied communication. This is probably a good rule for all healthy relationships -- rather than forcing someone to dig out your true meaning from context clues, just own your expectations and tell them straight up what it is that you want/need from them. Sociopaths seem to be especially clueless as to discerning some of these "say one thing mean another" types of communication because they rely on a shared sense of expectations in order to be able to discern that the expected did not happen as it should have -- e.g. not calling within 24-48 hours of seeing each other is fine? Or reprehensible? Not clear. A sociopath may not even be able to pick up on even basic passive aggressive tactics like the silent treatment. I often have assumed that people are just preoccupied with other pursuits.

3. Don't do anything with them that you would normally consider reprehensible behavior in yourself but somehow justify it because it's towards or because of them. The sociopath *will* often use it against you. The sociopath is not even necessarily being a hypocrite. It's not even as if he is fine with lying if it's him but now fine with lying if it's you. Rather, if you feel even ambiguously badly about something that you've done, anything remotely approximating guilt or even just consider the behavior something you'd rather not have the entire world know, the sociopath will be able to turn that knife back on you. You've seen that on television shows? Where the scared office drone gets a gun and has it used against him by the very attackers that it was meant to protect against? If you aren't completely comfortable with all of the ins and outs and implications of the weapon you're using, don't, because someone else does.

4. Don't expect emotional ties to bind the PD sufferer to you the same way that normal people are. Everyone is influenced by cost benefit equations. PDs just seem more so, perhaps, because that's one of the few things they are reliably influenced by, when you take out the emotional ties.

60 comments:

  1. M.E. just never had anyone sweep her off her feet. She never had anybody she
    was "wild" about. If she did, she wouldn't be living in this frustrating "holding
    pattern," sustaining the blog, and covering the same ground over and over.
    She needs someone that she can respect AND engage in affection with. But
    because good men are so few to find, she's trapped in dreadfully, boring limbo.
    How does she attain what she REALLY needs? How can she be happy,
    another words? Is it ALL a question of dumb luck? I don't know if a person like
    Glen Beck would appeal to her, except the fact of his fame and money. I
    don't think M.E. wants to be a "kept" woman, though a surprising amount of
    women do. It would be interesting if M.E. one day posted the traits the
    candidate would require. The postings about "love" always receive the most
    responses, even though Sociopaths are suppost to be incapable of love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice try M.E., I mean Monica, I mean..... err .

      Delete
    2. You are assuming more about a sociopath then what a sociopath is.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. I don't, not whole heartedly. The writer is generalizing personlity disorders as if those only exist as a anti-social personality disorder. That is not true. Please try to keep up the level of knowledge on this blog by not commenting bs, think through what you comment. Please see:
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder#Cluster_A_.28odd_disorders.29

      A person with a paranoid personality disorder is not going to play you for fun. He is going to mistrust you at first, then if he finds the slightest reason to, he will retaliate against you as if you were the one hunting him - even if that never happened. In his mind, you are the hunter and he is only defending himself. If you actually are trying to lay a person with a paranoid personality disorder, he will hate you eternally as a life threatening disease, he will retaliate even if he ruins himself in the process - and then he will blame you for it. A pers with that disorder will be so fierce that you will be dragged along with him, and if he has nothing on you, he will make your life a hell of law suits and prosecutions, accusations and warfare nevertheless. The only time such a person gains from strict boundaries is when he understands that he is being paranoid. Most paranoids don't, they believe that they are the only ones seeing reality for what it is. Everyone else are idiots. Using direct, non implied communication can work both ways. If he is trying to control his disorder, he might have an easier time not misinterpreting the situation, but in the case of the most paranoid delutions, he might take it as an offense and put your directness into an equation that always tells him that you are hunting him. Being valuable in the tems of emotionl value to a person with PPD might help on building trust, so that could help, but also this is incredebly ambigious. It all depends on the person and how the interaction is played.

      Delete
    2. Only the Paranoid SurviveFebruary 22, 2015 at 10:52 PM

      @SomeOne, You forgot to mention that the paranoid is usually right about the government.

      Delete
  3. I do feel guilt and shame yet I really enjoy angering others unless they begin openly weeping. The question this brings to mind is: Is everyone sadistic and only because empaths feel guilty for their actions that they aren't as sadistic as sociopaths? Or is the hurting others thing not at all applicable to empaths and I'm some variation?
    - Also, in another post it was mentioned that it should be a matter of preference whether one would choose power or love...I think many people mistake love for lust. Honestly, I don't even know if people feel love in the same way I do. However, for me personally, I'd choose love every time. Power is fun, in an addictive, ego-boosting, pleasing manner. But love is when you don't need ego-boosts, when you are completely content, and when your life is better than anything you could dream up. And the point of life is to either enjoy yourself or improve yourself, love accomplishes both.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love is more an in the moment ride.. a joyful one full of rich pleasure.. with possibilities for other experiences, perhaps not so pleasurable, but not something that is so fixed and settled I think... If you enjoy angering others - maybe you are bored and not happy and get stimulation from this... you do stop if they show sypmtoms of suffering such as weeping... a variation of sociopathy? No, just a very common mindset partly resulting from the effect of an overstimulated over caffeinated, over crap garbage culture. Sociopathy is a neurologically based system of manipulation.

      Delete
    2. To me it feels as if love is something that genuinely brings happiness, in and of itself. On the other hand, Power feels as if its bringing you relief from your own pain or insecurities...it's that feeling that you could do anything you wanted, essentially feeding some narcissistic supply... nah it's not sociopathy
      - I've met sociopaths and the like... the act differently then I do and usually we get along quite well granted I can maintain my mask when they let their's down. It does stimulate me but moreso when another person is angry it allows me to rationalize anything I do to them... if I decide to do anything at all.

      Delete
  4. You mean putting a bullet in Warren Buffet's head is violating his boundaries? I don't understand. I'm confused :/

    ReplyDelete
  5. Did anyone see the movie Bronson. Loved that movie. I love the soliloquy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WjoAe2aymM

    ReplyDelete
  6. oh and this scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rYYW1Iqjuc

    ReplyDelete
  7. and the scene with the artist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZleB-xaNjk

    ReplyDelete
  8. Surely must depend on WHAT personality disorder? When meeting folks who like drill-torture as foreplay my advice would be to look for an unlocked door and run? Some people get "turned on" by resistance, just get out of the situation; dont play with crazed people one cannot predict. Some violent psychos just kill others for being "lippy". One cannot talk a zodiac Scorpios down, when hes "on" its like a raging pitbull or bulldog who has got to "cool off" by himself. Dont go there, dont experiment with such things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am sure there is a catalog of personality disorders and you can choose and order the personality disorder of your choice. What's the minimum age for selecting a PD?

      Delete
  9. I would say that this is a list of "good practices" for all relationships. Having said that, I would also say that these practices are critically important in dealing with PD's since the consequences may be more dramatic than with noms.

    I would also say that being useful (#4) is the most important - it doesn't ensure good treatment, but it's better than your only use being "entertainment".

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm not entirely clear on number 3. Can someone give me some concrete examples?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You tell your non-socio pal, "go ahead and have that fling! Enjoy yourself - your secret is safe with me." So, they step out on their relationship. You now have that to hold over them.

      It's why I like to encourage "bad behavior" among people I know - gives me leverage.

      Delete
    2. ok i gotcha...thanks for the clarification.

      Delete
    3. Not sure that kind of thing is really my thing. I'll have to think about it if I do that. We all have our little things I guess. I'm pretty straight forward. I jus wanna do me sum violence.

      Delete
  11. Are we still doing the socio convention?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yes we're still doing the convention

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What convention?

      Delete
    2. We were gonna have a socio convention, or like a scoio meetup on like meetups.com. Would anyone fly out to go to it? I would, but prolly no one with aspd would go :/

      Delete
    3. Like a masquerade ball? lol just kidding, I'm morbid but not sp, I'd go

      Delete
    4. prolly no socios would go, but at least the sub culture of nerds who worship them would. Where should we hold it? LA? Vegas?

      Delete
    5. At the very least one could have cocktails with new people.

      Delete
    6. Yea, let's do it :D...where? when?

      Delete
    7. M.E. made this post a while ago:

      http://www.sociopathworld.com/2014/04/meet-ups.html

      Delete
    8. I think it would be a hoot and a half! I would be game for Southern California and I might could be convinced to go to LV.

      I put my contact info on M.E.s list -

      Delete
    9. Daughters of AnarchyFebruary 17, 2015 at 6:48 PM

      How close is everyone to Toronto - or even Washington ?

      Delete
    10. ...and, therein lies the challenge...

      Delete
  13. Thank you for reposting and clarifying #4, so if people have emotional expectations they should either lower their expectations or not befriend/associate/marry them or learn in the process hehe

    ReplyDelete
  14. "A sociopath may not even be able to pick up on even basic passive aggressive tactics like the silent treatment. I often have assumed that people are just preoccupied with other pursuits." haha this is so adorable. I dated an attorney for awhile, not the bpd one, this guy was more like the original meaning of NPD (I think it's meaning has evolved and changed), and I used to tell him about some of my pathological stuff. He thought it was so adorable, and would gush over it. I always thought it was strange because I would cut his throat out. I still can't help but get gushy myself though sometimes over something a serial killer says.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Do u know anyone with aspd?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Aww...M.E. you'll make me blush.
    You published my recommendations.
    I wonder if you're currently getting that feeling like you just accidentally quoted Hitler.

    You missed your favourite "tyrannical, fear mongering malignant narcissist", didn't you? ;)

    Green eyes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Green Eyes, coming to the convention? :D

      Delete
  17. M.E. has "given" to us. Now it is time to see what we can give to M.E.
    As an educated, professional woman, M.E. has accumalated plenty of
    colleges and " friends." There is nothing particularly "spectacular" about these
    associates, and even a "normal" person would have accquired these same people. She may have had sparatic contact with other Sociopaths, but she is
    geared to relate with Empaths. She can pretty much "play" these Empaths the
    way she wants-they pose little challenge to her. 50% of the population (males)
    are putty in her hands, and a sizeable number of the female population are rife
    for seduction. It becomes very boring, so M.E., (With her high I.Q.) must fend off boredom quickly. The most exciting activites are the most dangerous
    activites-what you can get away with. So what can M.E. do to free herself from
    this "prison?"
    First, she must remove her mask. Is it surprising that the logo of this site is a
    mask? M.E. must feel, that she needs her mask to feel secure and retain her
    position or she will "lose" everything she ever acquired. She will never know
    whether this really is true, unless she risks taking off the mask. Would she lose
    all her persuavive ability if she removes the mask? Probably not with her above
    friends and colleges. People are highly resistant to changing their viewpoints
    about a person, positive OR negative. It's a safety mechanism. M.E. would
    likely NOT lose her friends,if she softened up a bit, at least, not the "worthwhile"
    friends. All of her accquirements would still be her's. There are laws concerning
    her posessions. Society just can't take her stuff.
    It's time M.E. became a mother. She is unsure whether she has it in her to be a
    mom. But what person really knows whether they are fit for such a role unless
    they are actually in it? Motherhood might bring out charateristics that would
    would stave off the boredom.




    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. fuck you are old fashioned..... ME needs to be a mom, ME needs to be married...whaaaa whaaaa

      Delete
    2. do you fucking pay attention to the shit she writes at A-L-L

      Delete
  18. High i.q., u ppl r crazy. Working society that is built for u to succeed is not high iq. Don't flatter urself. High I.q. Ahahaahhahaah. With ur high iq which Ivy League university did u graduate from?

    ReplyDelete
  19. I didn't really read MEs comments just skimmed the original posters words... I think better still in some ways is to just walk away from someone with a personality disorder. Why deal with it at all? A lot of this seems to come from the angle of ego... how to control, how to win etc

    "make yourself valuable to them".... sounds like a recommendation for a fake stupid toxic relationship.. manipulation instead of communication

    okay now I read a little of I assume MEs comments and I stopped at this one:

    "People with personality disorders don't have their own personal boundaries"

    what? says who? which personality disorder?

    I don't think this is M.E.writing.. probably some paid writing... but if it is... it seems the mask has slipped into dumbness... sorry, no offense intended

    anyways..... grizzly bear





    "Make yourself valuable to them"

    Isn't that way too much work to

    ReplyDelete
  20. At 71 years of age, I find myself in the “future” I read about as a young reader of science fiction. No science fiction ever predicts the future exactly, but many speculations do come to fruition in one form or another. At one time, flying machines and submarines were just speculations; now we think nothing of catching a plane to anywhere in the world. People have landed on and walked on the moon, and may embark on insane one way trips to Mars. Two of the seminal science fiction books of the 20th Century were Aldous Huxley's BRAVE NEW WORLD and Orwell's 1984.

    Huxley dimly envisioned a corporate controlled society with genetic engineering, virtually permanent social classes, society most anesthetized with consumerism and drugs. Not quite as he imagined, much of this has come true. Not so much by heirs to Henry Ford (Huxley's bete noire) as by Amazon, Google, Microsoft, Apple, and the corporate states such as USA, Japan, China, India, Brazil, etc.

    Orwell envisioned the “Divine Kings” who oppressed people ( from Egyptian Pharaohs through King Henry VIII and the French “Sun King” metamorphosing into modern ideologues such as Hitler and culminating in the “unholy trio” of Stalin, Mao, and Pol Pot, who used modern technology and insane populism instead of religion and capitalism to control lives and brains individually and collectively in a way that even religious psychopaths such as the Catholic Inquisition and the Protestant monsters such as Cromwell could not equal.

    I mention because we are now approaching artificial intelligence. We are on the verge of creating a new species, not a creation of the mythical being “God” nor of the blind experimentation of evolution (“Darwinism” if you like, thought I don't), but of our own attempts to “play god.”

    Soon enough these new intelligent beings will be able to interact with us on a more or less equal basis. I strongly suspect all the discussions of psychopath and sociopath behavior and other forms of aberrant, difficult, and not very friendly and not very cooperative behavior will begin to exhibit themselves in these new beings. We will have “Aspie” androids, and personality disordered robots interacting with us.

    We will be in BIG TROUBLE. We have always been in BIG TROUBLE, especially once we learned to make nuclear weapons and similar toys, but we ain't seen nothing yet.

    ReplyDelete
  21. "I mention because we are now approaching artificial intelligence."

    bunch of shit.... though its true we do stand on a real cusp of destruction as we have for a while

    we like to parade how great we humans are... the age of artificial intelligence and "intelligent beings"... are you fucking kidding me?.. we don't have a model for that... aspie androids... that would be funny, but first you got to get to androids at all

    big trouble we are in right now... kiss what you can see before you....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You may be correct. On the other hand, they may be scanning and probing you right now to use as a model.

      Delete
  22. M.E. is actually Jamie Lund. Google her name. there's been proof.
    http://abovethelaw.com/2013/05/sources-and-dr-phil-offer-insights-author-of-confessions-of-a-sociopath-who-might-be-this-law-professor/
    This website proves it.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I wish people (all people) would employ #2 for everyone, day to day. Honesty seems to have become a dirty word.

    ReplyDelete
  24. i am here to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted jato for the return of my husband to me, he told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then he told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he jato casted on him that make him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you jato for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact him @jatosolution@hotmail.com or called him at +2347014201935 and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.

    ReplyDelete
  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  26. !!! How To Get Your husband Back & Avoid Divorce !!!

    At last my happiness has been restored by a Man named Dr Jato ,, my name is Lisa Buckley I want every one on this site or forum to join me thank this Dr JATO for what he just did for me and my kids. my story goes like this I was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to SPAIN for a business trip where he met this prostitute who be witched him to hate me and the kids and love her only so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to SPAIN to see that other woman. so I and my kids were now so frustrated and I was just staying with my mum and I was not be treating good because my mama got married to another man when my daddy died, so the man she got married to was not treating I and my kids well so I was so confuse and I was searching for a way to get my husband back to me and my kids so one day as I was browsing on my computer I saw a testimony about this MAN Dr JATO of Jatosolution@hotmail.com shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me too so I also think of giving it a try at first,,but i was scared by when I think of what me and my kids are passing through so I contact him and he told me to stay calm for just two days that my husband shall be restored to me and to my best surprise I received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and I called Dr JATO and he said your problems are solved my child so this was how I get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from Dr JATO of Jatosolution@hotmail.com I want you all on this forums or guestbook to join me to say a huge thanks to Dr jato and I will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him for help and not only that i think he does he also do many spell as far he is a spell caster you can invite him on facebook at jato oboh or call him at +2347014201935 he is there to ANSWER you at any time hope you find your problem solve.

    ReplyDelete
  27. i'm Tanya,i want to share a very wonderful testimony about Dr Ekpiku the spell caster who help me get my ex back when he left me for another lady, i contacted so many spell caster but non could help me bring him back until i contacted Dr Ekpiku and explain everything to him, he told me not to worry cause i am going to get him back in just 24 hrs with love-spell, power of his gods and forefathers, i trusted in him and did everything he ask me to do, i hopefully wait for the result to my greatest surprise my ex called me and apologize for the pains he has cause me,now we are both happy together and even more in love than before, if you are out there and you are looking for a solution to any problem kindly contact Dr Ekpiku through his email address on :Ekpikuspelltemple@live.com.

    ReplyDelete
  28. my name is Melissa trip-ti i am here to give a living testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted jato for the return of my husband to me, he told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then he told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he jato casted on him that make him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you jato for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife, lotto spell, lottery spell,soccer bet spell , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend kindly CONTACT him @ jatosolution@hotmail.com or called or WHATSAPP him on his mobile number +2347037599478 and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.

    ReplyDelete
  29. TIPS ON HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK OR SOLVE YOUR DIFFERENT PROBLEMS

    Getting to contact DR. EWAN on these details +2347052958531 or via email at covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com gave me a very huge joy because this details were not just useful but through DR EWAN my relationship that was heading to a break down was restored and i am proud to say it on this site that i have been successfully married to the man that i have always wanted to marry. You can still fulfill plans to marry the person of your heart desires by contacting DR. EWAN through those details above or Are you going through a mid-life crisis for example divorce,miscarriage,can't find love no need to worry covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com can help you with any personal need.many people will try to sugar coat the truth and give you false hope but not Dr.Ewan he will tell you the truth and nothing but the truth and keep your hopes high and alive so, please don't waste your time and hope on somebody who doesn't deserve it contact him today @ covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com+2347052958531. thanks

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.