Saturday, November 23, 2013

More on the appeal of blood lust

I've been thinking about the blood lust post and all the comments it generated. When I published the first blood lust post, I didn't feel like I had anything to say. I didn't really feel like I had any predilection for violence for the sake of violence. -- some violent impulses, maybe, but not necessarily for the sake of violence. But I was thinking about everyone's description of blood lust and how good it felt. I have been daydreaming about it since, just to sort of imagine myself in that position.

The other night I was walking along a bicycle path around a university. It wasn't my city, I was there for business. The anonymity of being in a different place at night was intoxicating. I was an unknown, at most a shadow to anyone out that late. I was following this girl, who looked like a student. It was dark, but she was smoking, so she was easy to follow, and she was going in the direction I needed to go anyway.

I started thinking about how vulnerable she was. I didn't think she noticed me behind her at first, so I walked a little faster so I was closer to her. I wanted her to slowly become aware of me. I wanted her to wonder who I was but not want to turn around and look, not want to betray the fear and apprehension she felt at having some unknown entity behind her. I could tell that she was starting to feel nervous by the way her pace sped up ever so slightly. I thought for a moment what it would be like to come up behind her, softly softly with a knife, poke around in the front of her neck until I felt some slight resistance indicating one of those fat veins, and pull it forward, just enough tension to sever the soft tissue.

I was a little surprised how much pleasure I was getting from the little fantasy. I was surprised at how susceptible I was to the allure of violence, even though I had never really felt that way before.

It reminded me of the how I trained myself to be sexually attracted to the same sex. I was always open to it, always was attracted to certain people for their strength or for their unique worldview, was always an equal opportunity seducer when it came to gender. However, I wasn't really sexually attracted to members of my own sex -- not at first. But I realized that there was such pleasure to be had in expanding my horizons, so to speak, and certainly no point in making fine distinctions based on the equipment people were born with. So I started incorporating members of the same sex into my fantasies. At first I would do everything normal, would think of someone of the opposite sex, like I was accustomed to do, but just before I reached a climax in my auto-arousal, I would substitute someone of the same sex instead. As I got more used to that, I would try to replace the heterosexual companion earlier and earlier in the session, until finally I could have a completely same sex, successful experience. Now same sex attraction is second nature to me.

Similarly, I think I could really learn to love the sensation of blood lust. Or bestiality or pedophilia or any other fetish that people are into these days, really. The ease with which I can train my brain to find new things pleasurable is both empowering and disturbing. It's like molding putty when I'm doing it, but sometimes I worry about doing the undoable. You read about these people who start out small, with little indulgences, then slightly bigger indulgences, then more and more frequently until they really can't stop themselves from destroying themselves and others. To me, the pleasures I could get from blood lust in the moment would not be worth that risk, but now I can see the appeal.

221 comments:

  1. The more I read these posts and comments, the more it seems like I'm actually a sociopath. But I maintain that I am not.

    I could've written this post. Though I have not dared or it has not occured to me to explore actual bloodlust beyond a sexual level.

    I don't think I'd have much use for it.

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  2. Eh still holds no value to me I think because I am so enamoured with other asspects of the human phyche, Im indifferent about it. But its nice to see you can train yourself, maybe I could train myself to some feelings. that would be nice, I think.

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  3. M. E. said, "You read about these people who start out small, with little indulgences, then slightly bigger indulgences, then more and more frequently until they really can't stop themselves from destroying themselves"

    That's why I have never tried any recreational I.V. drug use. I have never had a fear of needles and I figured the high would be too easy to enjoy and I didn't want an addiction like that.

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  4. "It reminded me of the how I trained myself to be sexually attracted to the same sex."

    Hah, I did the same thing, in almost the exact way you described.

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  5. Aerianne, i never tried those for the exact same reason. I know the high would be so good that i would always want it as an escape from feeling nothing. Blood lust is a funny subject. I wonder how many s/p's think they might be vampires because of our urges. Think about it, predatory in nature with the ability to suck the life out of someone just on a different level. It's an aquired taste is a term that can apply to anything. The more you do something the more you enjoy it. I do think about "taking out the trash" every once in a while but i know that the mess and consequinces that would ensue far out worth the immediant gratifaction it be. So i smoke a doobie instead and try to let karmah do my dirty work

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  6. Is this what the Blog was ment for? Training yourselve's how to accept and open new door's to deviate and antisocial acts? Maybe they should round you all up and ship you to an island where the only one's you can hurt are of the same capabilities. After this post I've lost any respect I had.

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  7. @ "Wish I Knew"

    Sociopaths and other people who's thought processes and actions you may deem inappropriate, are everywhere and they are here to stay.
    Actually, if you choose to avail yourself of it, this blog provides an opportunity to learn something about people who are different from you.
    Perhaps, you should choose a different screen name to better reflect how you really feel.

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  8. Aerianne, I have been coming to this blog in hope of getting a better understanding of the S/P in my life. Until this post I had the fantasy that there were codes or boundries that were adhered to by S/P (ME) was my inspiration to believe the relationship was worth, the limited interaction and endless demands. After reading this post I can see how I will end up physically hurt. Seems that the goal of S/P is to always go deeper and darker.

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  9. The abve post was from me, just don't know what to call myself.

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  10. @ The Poster Previously Known As "Wish I Knew"

    Forewarned is forearmed.

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  11. @wish i knew,
    I think many sociopaths do have a 'moral' code they adhere to. But it's unlikely to be anything like your moral code.

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  12. wish i knew said...
    Maybe they should round you all up and ship you to an island where the only one's you can hurt are of the same capabilities. After this post I've lost any respect I had.


    how about the island called planet earth that's floating in space? there is so much blood lust in the world that the few posts devoted to it here seem hardly worth getting your knickers in a knot. if the sociopaths here were to reveal they all eat Cheerios for breakfast that wouldn't make eating Cheerios a sociopathic trait (though i suppose it could). anyway, wishi, you missed the subtle point. if you can train yourself to want it, then you can try yourself to want something else... so careful with those fledgling thoughts. this is a great post. thanks M.E.

    i have to admit i just don't get it, this "blood lust" people report experiencing. but then i don't get why people hunt at all. or why all the violence in films and video games, and aggression in sports, isn't enough. does it make you feel stronger to give in to the blood lust? more alive and powerful? strength is tested in the face of adversity, and character in the way one exercises power. the way i see it, using power to dominate the weak can only make you weak, and you become one of them.

    is it fear that drives the blood lust? after all, fear is the big motivator for most of us. can an intense fear of one's ideath (a.k.a stillness, stagnation) drive one to maim and even kill?

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  13. you know strangley my feelings didnt get hurt. And as far as what you said about a code i Do live by one. You could never understand the way i love my partner and the thing she loves the most is my ability to see the lighter side in everything. I try to do right by everyone I deal with even if they dont because I deeply belive in karma. I've never hurt anybody and i dont intend to. I dont belive in violence it's barbaric in my opinoin. I also know what boundries are and that goes hand in hand with my code. My other code is to be family orriented were here so we might as well try to enjoy this place with the people close to us. To bad for the one's without a code cause they are lost. Some other me, maybe your relationship with that other person is worth it as long as there dedicated to you . If not then dont waste you time your time .

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  14. The last post was directed to wish i knew sorry not some other me. whoops

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  15. I think this post was productive for me with the feedback. Megalomaniac, you gave good advice, wish I could take it. For what ever reason, because I really can't find a strong one, I do waste my time.He keeps pushing the limit's of my phycical endurance, any thought's?.

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  16. I think this post was productive for me with the feedback. Megalomaniac, you gave good advice, wish I could take it. For what ever reason, because I really can't find a strong one, I do waste my time.He keeps pushing the limit's of my phycical endurance, any thought's?.

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  17. megalomaniac said...
    "Basic, I dont know what to call it. But I think its a character flaw im working on. You know how we perfect a craft. It sometimes take making a mistake. I'm going through a bit of a transition so that i can live by a code, so as not to make a public display like that. It happens we all fuck up sometimes but the best part is i can let go of my mistakes and try to avoid them again."
    October 8, 2010 10:20 AM

    "you know strangley my feelings didnt get hurt. And as far as what you said about a code i Do live by one."
    October 8, 2010 10:50 AM

    Glad to see it only takes you a half hour to make this transition.

    Anyway, what you've basically just said is that your code is to be a completely boring, inoffensive person in every way. How very sad.

    Also, lol, Karma.

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  18. I don't really understand all this code shit. I've never felt any need to create and adhere to any set of self imposed rules, it would be like clamping down on my own freedom, it makes no sense.

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  19. post mordern listen i just came to this a site couple weeks ago and relized what i was. the concept of adopting and living by code wont take 30 mins but an entire lifetime of refinments and constant reinforcement at least thats how dexter does it.Its the only way cause what you put out comes back three fold. That character flaw i was talking about is temper, which i think we all have one. But c'mon its always fun to spice things up and stir the pot life would be really boring if you didnt. Spontinuty is fun but controlled spontinuity is better otherwise id have a constant headache.

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  20. Basic, its a code created to ensure freedom not limit it. Dont want to be bouncing off the walls and go no where but in a focused direction whatever that happens to be.

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  21. Basic you don't understand anything. You spent the last thread contradicting youself. Do you want to do it again?
    Meglos right. If you don't have a code, then its easy to blur lines and boundaries. Its easy to lose control.
    I Wish: what do you mean pushes your physical endurance? You need to be more specific.

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  22. im getting into my late 20's omg my teens and early 20's where a socially a disaster but i went through a long period of introspection and came out better. After two years of being together i began to wonder why although i love my wife intensly i sometimes shut her out. I was researching it and came here and a lot of things started to make a lot more sense. Wish I know, if you keep going after the same thing and keep getting the same results what does that tell you.

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  23. Started to write about but erased. I mean sexually, I'm sure I would be feeding a fire if I went into detail and that I would be the one burnt.

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  24. Thank you god for the code and morals and all the people who live by it. It makes my life much easier!

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  25. I don't think that you should fear him, because of a little playing around. Set boundaries and make sure he abides by them. If he doesn't than take immediate action, and break up with him. If you let him cross the line, then he will take advantage of it and start seeing you as a victim. If he starts using you as a tool of fantasy, as a unwilling participant then he might get worse.
    Sociopaths dont have a goal of going deeper and darker. They have a goal of saving themselves from self destruction, which is always a pending doom. They are always flirting with darker types of behaviour.
    What do you mean by limited interaction and endless demands?

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  26. UKan, I didn't spend the last thread contradicting myself I was a little unclear when explaining my feelings of anger and you chose to drag the issue out. And I couldn't really be bothered to go into this before but "Rage is powerful. Rage is pure. Rage is seductive. Rage is to let go". It sounds like your advertising a new fragrance or something you spaz! And grace, if your reading this, all women seem to like me and I don't see why your mother would be any different.

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  27. Ukan, you pretty much told it exactly the way it is. He has asked me to play the victim role in a fantasy.

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  28. Rage is atractive when properly chaneled and ugly when its not.

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  29. Tell me how to set limit't in the middle of interaction, how when he wants me to tell him no will he know I mean it. The limited interaction is reducing our time to an action and unlimited demands are what action he wants.

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  30. And I forgot to say when he demands it, like making up alie to leave work early. I have felt it was worth it but the new game scares me. I haven't seen him since he asked.

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  31. megalo, I suppose rage can be attractive in the way that it displays a dominant alpha male characteristic in men, but it's certainly not something that I would use to obtain a woman.

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  32. @wish I knew UKan is right if you set STRICT boundaries he will abide by them, as long as when he tests them out you act like you say your going to act.

    If for instance he asks you to be a victim in a sexual role, tell him there will be a safe word that isn't "no stop please stop" make it "banana hammocks" and tell him when you use that word if he doesn't stop when you next get the chance you are out of the relationship, he will test that boundary, when he does get up and leave as soon as possible, he will respect you more because of the power you have shown and there is a good chance he will come after you, especially if he has put some time in the relationship.

    That works for anyone, regardless of creed race colour or mental disease, I know for me my wife has to be stronger than me in her fortitude for me to respect her, I don't like weakness, in whatever form, that might be because I have some sociopathic tendencies it could just be because I'm human, I don't know.

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  33. Basically Basic. Your type comes in here once a month to tell everyone how much of a sociopath he is. You want to explain your lack of identity, and failure to fit into society. You rummage through patholagies like a shopping addict looking for what disorder you can fancy to explain your weird behaviour. You try to fit in text book definitions you googled. You wear black and sacrafice cats. What I don't understand is why you would walk into a forum of this nature in such a confused state. When someone tells me they don't understand people losing control, the only time they lose control is on purpose, and that they lost control on accident occassionaly all in one comment I think that person is a idiot. My opinion still stands.

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  34. UKan I think contradiction is something people who are confused, react with, maybe he is so unsure of what he is and is doing that he needs to take from others what he doesn't have ? I'm not sure.

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  35. no of course not thats just silly. Thats what charm and charisma is for. Getting angry is overated and sometimes i dont see the point. You interupt your calmness and those around you. It's hard to be calm in this crazy world so if you can achevie it dont let some doucebag take it away from you.

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  36. megalomaniac said...

    Rage is atractive when properly chaneled and ugly when its not.


    megalomaniac said...

    no of course not thats just silly. Thats what charm and charisma is for. Getting angry is overated and sometimes i dont see the point. You interupt your calmness and those around you. It's hard to be calm in this crazy world so if you can achevie it dont let some doucebag take it away from you.


    Do you change your point of view that quicklly all the time ? how many times do you change the colour of your underware before you realize no one else is going to see it and then go with black just incase ?

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  37. Wish I knew: get out of the relationship. He's using you to indulge in deeper fantasies. He's addicting himself to sexual violence. In addictive behaviour a addict will need more and more of the substance they're abusing in order to feel the euphoria they now require. You should have already left. When someone doesn't abide by your boundaries that is a victim relationship. When they want to push past even that, you are being raped. You are a enabler. Now you know.
    What are his moods like? Are they stable? Is he high energy? Low energy? Does his mood change week to week?

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  38. Basically Human, when done right justified anyger is very sexy though i found out. Its like a power we have and it can be used for good or bad. Always gotta walk the fine line though to know when its socially acceptable other wise id be grasping at straws

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  39. Who's this 'we'? Don't compare yourself to me you vacillating waste of electrons.

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  40. l never actually claimed to be a sociopath UKan, I just think that there is a chance that I may be as I can identify with many of the characteristics of ASPD and a few people in my life seem to think I am. What I don't understand is why you seem to have the idea fixed in your head that I am some kind of social outcast. Yes I suffer from a lack of identity and underneath I do feel separate from other people but the fact is that I actually have a vibrant social life. I have a large circle of friends in which I am very popular and a number of women in my life including a girlfriend.

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  41. @Basically Human: Are you a millionaire with a big dick and a private jet, too?

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  42. Some other me, im not changing my opinion just stating the way i see it. Rage is atactive in the sense that it shows power but unchecked it gets ugly. Its like this someone gets upset so they brake a plate for example. It might of made for a good stress release but what did it accomplish absolutly nothing so whats the point. thats just ugly nut chanel that angry and create something like a paiting just for example and it becomes awesomeness. And i was just responding to someone saying you wouldnt use rage to atract a women. And postmodern By we i think im refering to humanity and i dont compare me to anyone were all unique in our own little way.

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  43. Not sure I want to answer, there' always seems to be a control he has over himself but he let's his demands come out during sex. He tends to keep his hands inactive, if his hands connect he squeezes like a vice grip.

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  44. that's not good. why do you stay? take UKan's advice and get out of the relationship.

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  45. Unfortunately not Post Modern, although my great uncle recentlly passed away and and i've inherited a decent ammount of cash from him(60,000 pounds, and yes I do have a big dick). I'm surrounded by women because I take a great deal of pride in my appearance and I'm very attractive.

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  46. from what im hearing i would say it isnt worth saving

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  47. Get out of the relationship. I don't know how stupid you could have been not to see it before now. You want to see what will happen if you don't: www.lovefraud.com . It's women with your personality type that get broken to pieces and thrown in the garbage. I'm usually on this site telling people that sociopaths have a bad rep on relationships, but I will be the first to admit the ones who are low functioning are very dangerous. They have no boundaries, they have no control over impulses, they destroy everything they touch, and they are not relationship material. Your boyfriend fits that type.
    You know that you should've stopped a long time ago, but you are a addict as well. A relationship addict. After you break up with him you should figure out why you let it go this far. Those answers are more important, than trying to figure out why he is what he is.

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  48. Uncontrolled anger and rage is weakness. I think maybe this is what megalomaniac is trying to get at? Whether he is socio or not is moot as far as I'm concerned. Clearly s/he is in the beginning stages of trying to figure shit out about him/herself.

    Just as uncontrolled emotions of other sorts are weaknesses, as you all say, so is rage. Is this not obvious?

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  49. Your completly right now for the ripping off my thumb's to get out of the shackles.

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  50. wish i knew, are you seriously going to let the future of your relationship be dictated to you by a group of strangers on the internet? And UKan, what makes you think that you know her personality type, you've never even met her. More importantly, how can you possibly say that her partner is a low functioning sociopath? you've never even spoken to him! This is ridiculous.

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  51. I don't need to meet them she already introduced us. She told me that he is sexually violent, doesn't respect bounderies, pushes things further as time goes on. She told me that she is still with him reguardless of that fact. That shows that she is a willing victim, which could indicate that it is a role that she is used to playing. That means her role with a male figure was established earlier in her life as abusive. She is addicted to her relationship or she would have had no issue ending it already. She has intimacy issues conflicting with emotional dependency. She's attracted towards relationships where she has little power. However she is not emotionally weak or she would not have researched at all. She has to watch who she dates, because men like him will take advantage of those weaknesses. She needs to find the root cause in order to get past them.

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  52. you're not Sherlock Holmes

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  53. He's a low function sociopath, because he has no outlet for his power. He is bored so he's trying new ways of excercising power over people. He's not intelligent enough to find anything useful to do with it, so he is heading towards using it in frivilous and dangerous purposes. She is enabling him by creating the idea that peoples boundaries don't matter, and if you break them there are no consequences. Low functioning sociopaths have little knowledge when it comes to consequences. By enabling such a person to thinking that he can use sexual violence on someone with no concern of the other persons bounderies is dangerous. The fact that he is pushing it further and further should alarm anyone. Power is a drug and it's addictive. Unless you get a handle on your addiction you will be disfunctional.
    I hope that explains it to you.

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  54. Well now I'm just interested in your response wish I new, does UKans evaluation fit you and your past experiences?

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  55. It doesn't take sherlock holmes to figure it out all you had to do was read. She told you what her issue was, but some of you are to focused on what your going to say to listen to what people are asking in here. As usual it's anonymouses that take the idiot cake.

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  56. UKan

    the point is you have read a few sentences and from that extrapolated the personalities of 2 people. this is arrogance and an ego trip in extreme. i doubt you're that good

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  57. When a sociopath says "it's your house, your the boss" What does that mean?

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  58. "Who's this 'we'? Don't compare yourself to me you vacillating waste of electrons."

    LMFAO!!

    Only here.

    Grace

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  59. You have no point. You are diverting the subject. Answer her question, and quit pestering people with your own insecurities.

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  60. Anonymous said...
    When a sociopath says "it's your house, your the boss" What does that mean?

    I kind of figured that out. In my case it was always, "That's up to you, Baby".
    I think it's to instill a sense of some control in you and in the end the socio can always tell you that they didn't make you do anything; everything was your choice.

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  61. PMS PMS PMS is a fucking jess

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  62. What would it mean if someone who will not accept a submissive role tells you that you are in charge? If you frame the question like that I'm sure you'll find your answer.

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  63. sorry, I wasn't listening, what were you talking about? xx

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  64. is it anything interesting?

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  65. just read it back. no, nothing interesting, just the usual whining

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  66. when will you bitches learn?

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  67. I will rely on you, jaunty scarecrow, to inform me about them there socio's!!

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  68. I will rely on you to shut the fuck up.

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  69. I don't have the energy required to go through all of this again, but could somebody sort of put this in 'caps' for me?

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  70. Can anyone believe that the article to which this thread relates is about bloodlust?

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  71. He's fooling you into thinking youer in power so that it seems like your making decisions. You are making decisions but he's influencing enough of them to where he's secure that things will go his way most of the time.

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  72. Welcome to sociopathworld Basic.

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  73. The Real Jaunty ScarecrowOctober 8, 2010 at 5:20 PM

    Crafty bastards

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  74. the above comment was supposed to come from 'a hole' but clearly I am too stupid to make that happen!!

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  75. It's the weekend. It's time for posers and impersonations. Yay. My favorite time at sociopathworld. It adds such a twist to the already twisted.

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  76. okay, I swear that I'm the scariest ninja you've ever seen, but, ffs, please tell me how to put my name on here and make things real? I truly believe we evolve at different rates ( see karl pilkinton) so maybe I'm elvolving more slowly than you special creatures, but, come on, help me out here?

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  77. I knew you were cheerleading yourself. You anonymouses are predictable.

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  78. Set yourself on fire. It helps evolution along its cycle.

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  79. ukan, mo fo!! I swear, I keep trying to leave a name!!

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  80. okay, maybe fire has been halted? (please tell me this is true, oh revered ukan?) Yep, still here, still annoying

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  81. Now,see, this is where I believe experience come into it. Ukan may think he knows and is therefore one step ahead of hell, deluded? I know hell

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  82. try stealing that you clumsy predictable bitches

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  83. right, I need a wee, but when I come back I'm going to look at why this mother is not responding to me. Why do you need to know I need a wee?

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  84. come on. tell me about the ladyboys.

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  85. Weekends on Sociopathworld, wherein you score points if you are able to ferret out useful or intelligible comments.

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  86. Since been involved with a sociopathic person, I have begun to see people differently.
    It freaked me out in the begining, as I started to see the people I was close to, were not who they made themselves out to be.

    Is this how sociopaths see people?

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  87. hey aerianne
    try saying something interesting. i believe there is a starter bonus

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  88. Anon @ 5:43

    Sociopaths see people for who they truly are. They study people so they can mirror and mimic them.

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  89. let's leave behind comments about 'empaths' and 'sociopaths' I want to find common ground. Tell me about 'hell'?

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  90. sociopaths see appearances, the masks all people present to the world. they dont know anyone.

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  91. yea! lets hear about hell! i dare oy sociopaths. Tell me what terrifies you. and dont say 'nothing'. youre not that tough

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  92. An intelligent sociopath will see through masks, to the heart of a person, and discern weaknesses they can exploit.

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  93. Well, okay, you've clearly got better things to do than ferret around 'sociopathworld'!! but can you tell me what you think about this? I will say no more until I am answered

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  94. anyone can see the buttons to push. its not that hard

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  95. Are you saying that you're turning into a sociopath because you're with one?

    Grace

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  96. Karl Pilkington is a genius, asswipe.

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  97. Oh medusa, he's a fucking god!!

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  98. Karl Pilkington, though very funny, is not a genius. He is a Gervais/Merchant construct, and a very useful one at that

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  99. I can't help but say I don't like it when new people blog here that obviously don't belong here. I hope it ends quickly.

    Grace

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  100. I still think much of what he says is genius. Not just the character itself, or the round head.

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  101. I doubt that any of these blowholes are new.

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  102. Medusa I agree and grace, would you mind expanding, is that okay, or is this a place you'd like me to go away from?

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  103. sorry grace.
    forgot it was your perpetuating victimhood pick up ego boost forum. thought it was public

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  104. One of those "blowholes" has already given away who they were by their choice of words. (I study people, too.)

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  105. Don't you be picking on Grace now. Fair warning. This raven will peck your beady little fake eyes out with your own corncob pipe.

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  106. And then corncob your straw man ass.

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  107. Sorry, medusa, wasn't quite getting all of that?

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  108. its ok, i got what you meant by'corncob'. Looking forward to it x

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  109. hey chicita! dont keep me hanging! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  110. Jaunty S.

    What gave you the idea that I was a victim? ego boost? here? Don't think so.

    Grace

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  111. you have to start with the pecs. after that everything falls into place

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  112. and yet you keep coming back. masochistic martyr complex sweetie? xxx

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  113. "Chicita" is right. Bananas all up in your cornhole is what I visualize.

    Early preparations for the Thanksgiving cornucopia.

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  114. that's funny Medusa..maybe you're a sociopath after all.

    Grace

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  115. Jaunty, why'd you need to do this?

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  116. There's no "need" involved. It's called auto-entertainment.

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  117. well, it was, sort of

    So what the fuck does that say about me?

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  118. Hey, peeps, listen to a bona fide conversation between two socio's?

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  119. Are you saying that you're turning into a sociopath because you're with one?

    lol, no, It has allowed me to see people more clearly for who they are, not who they pretend to be.

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  120. I was thinking about that part in the Amityville Horror when the priest goes to the house to do a blessing and then the flies appear everywhere and then the door opens up and you hear that ghastly voice yell...GET OUT.

    Grace

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  121. fight with me, scarecrow, I fucking dare you?

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  122. Anon 6:29

    Well that's a good thing..right?
    I didn't read all your comments because of all the silly posting going on. You're in a relationship with a sociopath?


    Grace

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  123. Could it be time to put on a pot of Coffee?

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  124. Grace, maybe I am, I don't really know xx

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  125. lol..yes. I have hazelnut..gonna make some.

    Grace

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  126. Nice dive there!! respect xx

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  127. sorry that wasn't intended to be anonymous. This is a hole - proving it with every stroke!

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  128. hmm hazelnut. i have squirrel cum flavor. its basically the same

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  129. Totally have the coffee in front of me. And the hot tub is almost warm enough.

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  130. wasn't meant to be fecking anonymous!! keep fucking up the keyboard thingy!!

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  131. the above was from A hole, simply was too simple to make a real post

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  132. Get it together already.

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  133. hey medusa! stop picking on people for having poor typing skills. not everyone can spend their lives posting on forums. would you like some sqirrel cum coffee ? xxx

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  134. they live in my head and leave it in my ear

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  135. i strain it into a pot and add hot water

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  136. Then indulge Jaunty.

    Medusa..what the hell you got going on over there? Hot tub..coffee..that OTHER stuff you have. My life is crap right now..I have to read Candide, do research on Carl Jung, and read more Spinoza. SUCKS!!

    Grace

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  137. I was in a relationship, until I started to see that he would mimic people, he was unable to be himself as there was no self.

    I could also tell what kind of woman he hooked onto after the relationship by his behaviour.
    It's kind of sad to think that somebody has to mimic others to get what they want, when others can just be themselves and do the same.

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  138. in some sort of way anon, you are much stronger than the person that hurt you? I'm sorry you got hurt

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  139. there is no strength in self pity. its crippling. transcend it

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  140. yeah, jaunty, that's useful!!

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  141. So where's the socios? they fled..got bored I guess.

    Grace

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  142. it is useful a hole. its entirely true. self pity is crippling. you have to move through it.

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  143. All I can say that may be of any use to anybody out there is that this is not necessary, you do not need to let them make you feel this way - trust me I used to be a sociopath xx

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  144. Self-pity is like the backfloat. Comfortable and trance-inducing.

    Takes actual muscle-using to swim.

    That was my worst allegory of the day.

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  145. It was something I needed to see, and I pitty him, as he will always need someone to mimic, and all I have to be is me.

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  146. are you high? and if so, on what?

    Grace

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  147. So my ex has this song called "Do You Live".

    I read a review of it the other day. The reviewer said, "No, everyone is a ghost of themselves."

    I should like to befriend this woman.

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  148. Yaiy, I meant to sign in with a blogger account. Someday (if not already) he's gonna find all my posts and plan my murder.

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  149. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  150. My guess would be on cheap wine, Grace.

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  151. I'm confused, it must be all in my imagination, I must be crazy.

    lol.

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  152. Here's something uniquely american. A family in Obion, Tennessee did not pay their fire fee, which is 75 dollars. His house caught on fire and started spreading to the neighbors. When he called 911 they would not put the fire out. However, the neighbor next door DID pay his fee so they came to the rescue. The firefighters spray painted a line on the neighbors yard and put out any fire coming towards it as they watched the other burn to the ground.

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  153. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  154. Also, testing to see if that image took hold.

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  155. I use my phone to comment here, I don't know how to put a link with it.

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  156. The fire story is one of the most backwoods things I've ever heard.

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  157. To M.E.

    even a string can stretch so much one day it will break. Why would you want so badly to go againts your own nature? Engaging with the same sex was not part of your natural inclination, why force it?

    If you forced your own sexuality, how many more behaviours have you forced yourself into?

    And I mean yourself, not the environment, not society, no one else but you.

    I do in fact realize you truly need good professional help, and fast.

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  158. You can't understand what you don't experience. How many things have you accepted as face value because of other peoples influence anon?

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  159. well, I don't need to drink something to know i don't like it. The colour won't please me, the smell won't delight me. Several other senses all together will warn me that I won't like that drink before I even taste it.

    I don't crave the drinks that others have, once I'm not thirsty.

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  160. Your grouping American's like I grouped mistgakenly all Socio's

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  161. I don't think the ability to train yourself in such a manner is an exclusively sociopathic trait. Many years ago, I had a lot of ideas about right, wrong, etc. A lot of things disgusted me. It wasn't until I found myself in a really bad situation that I sat down to analyze the architecture of my own mind, which lead to my awareness of mental barriers and the role they play in the human psyche. In time, that lead to an acceptance of their nature and the non-existence of absolutes like good and evil. It also lead to an amazing flexibility of self in the sense that I learned that I had the power to change what I liked, disliked, hated, and loved.

    I think what certain commenters here are referring to when they speak of a moral code in the traditional sense is little more than a form of enslavement to ignorance... ignorance about yourself, and of the world around you. Being free from that doesn't make you a loose cannon or a danger to society, at least not in and of itself. It's when that knowledge drives you mad that problems arise--when you start training yourself that destructive and self destructive practices and policies are OK. In other words, when you're a fucking moron.

    M.E.'s little venture might've been bordering on that, but unless he actually intends to act on his fantasies, I don't see anything wrong with it. He was just curious, exploring new feelings and ideas. There's nothing dangerous about a thought until it begins to spread through your psyche like a camp fire that escaped from a redneck, mongoloid camper.

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  162. Racism, no health care, no education, and the same population that voted Bush in twice. You judge a country by its actions. Americans are way behind the rest of the first world. Just to get affordable health care it is a struggle in america. Health care in most other countries is free to its citizens, but in america that would be called socialism. You have to pay for school, which is why education is low. That why your R & D is being given to india and china. The fire department was another example of American privitisation of every aspect of life.
    I think your judgement of sociopaths came from your boyfriend, so comparing the two is not accurate.

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  163. Peter if a lot of sociopaths had no code they would give in to their every impulse. Nobody said the code was moral either. I want to be clear on that because that is what a lot of commenters keep referring to it as.

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  164. UKan, the ideas you're expressing agree with mine, but the verbiage seems to suggest that you're disagreeing with me. I wasn't suggesting that sociopaths had no code, though I wouldn't necessarily consider it a code. If they're anything like me, the rules they live by are based on a mix between desire and rationality, which means the rules of said "code" are malleable when new information regarding the grand scheme of things is introduced or more thoroughly analyzed.

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  165. Simpler way of putting it:

    I see a code as static and stagnant.

    I see the rules I live by as dynamic, but structured.

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  166. I break my own rules all the time, especially when I'm bored. I have my own rules for myself because everything in my bones tells me to give in to my impulses. Having your own code is not unique to sociopaths, but our impulses are unique. I wouldn't really use the word code, its more of boundaries than anything else.

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  167. Either you're not UKan, or you've started taking drugs. Which is it?

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  168. So, you have your own rules to protect you from the consequences of giving into your impulses and yet you break them all the time? Whats the fucking point of having them in the first place!? And you wouldn't use the word code, and yet you just did. This seems very contradictory UKan and you seem to be in a very confused state, were you smoking herb as you wrote this?

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  169. You still don't understand me Peter. You take people the opposite as they portray and their motivations at face value. All of those variables can be changed.

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  170. Basic I didn't know you were still here. I want to put this in language you understand so please tell me if I move to fast for you.

    Impulse: A sudden wish or urge that prompts an unpremeditated act or feeling; an abrupt inclination

    Impulses send a signal in your brain to act on something. This is happening before your mind even makes the decision on whether to do it or not. Your mind actually has to send a signal back to the brain to stop the action, not vice versa. That's why we call them impulses, because they are difficult to control. Breaking rules is not a contradiction. It's a consistency. To ask me why I have bounderies for myself if I break them is a stupid question. That's like saying why quit smoking if you might start again.

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  171. heh, I'm just looking for any excuse. Why do you change your screen name ever so slightly so often? Is this the same person?

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  172. UK does that. It's sort of the theme of his comment to come.

    Some people here play imposter and goof on each other. It makes me nuts!

    Grace

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  173. This isn't about the content of your message, at least not directly. It's about a change in your style, focus, and potency. Something happened. Either you're not UKan, you're on drugs, or you're going through some kind of psychological event. I don't know which, but I wouldn't mind hearing about it.

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  174. Peter, you and 2 have issues with insight. Nobody is who they are in your head. If you ever pick up on my M.O. you would figure out if someone impersonates me. You never do.
    The fact I'm not playing mind games with someone makes me intoxicated? Didn't you see the point of my games?

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  175. No, it means something big happened, either in your real life, or here in your sadist playground. If you are UKan, you've become sloppy, and you've lost either your ability or desire to read comments, and through them their authors.

    Where was the bite to that attack, UKan? Why is my spinal column still intact? Where's the laser focus you're so famous for?

    Your understanding of the comments here has obviously deteriorated, and your teeth have been thoroughly dulled. If nothing significant has happened, maybe you're just becoming comfortable enough here to let your weaknesses shine through. If that's true, kudos. If not, seek help.

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  176. Maybe he's in love:)

    Grace

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  177. Your comments are still the same Peter, pointless. I'm not attacking people on here right now. If I did that all the time id be a troll.

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  178. Sure thing, boss.

    If you did it all the time, you'd be a troll. That's classic UKan, right there. My apologies.

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  179. He was tearing this place up the other night so maybe he's tired.

    Don't worry Peter Pan, he'll be ok.

    Grace

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