Monday, April 26, 2010

Blood lust

In my experience, blood lust is very rare even in the sociopath community (and of course not exclusive to sociopaths). The difficult thing about it is you can never really tell who it will be: you can have some creepy co-worker who turns out to be fine, and another charming one who one day comes to work with a small arsenal. It's hard to tell what is going on there, but here is a reader's description of what it feels like to self-professedly have bloodlust:
Blood cravings or the craving of wanting to hurt someone is weird. I'm holding a fork or a knife or something sharp, and all I want to do is shove it in the throat of the person next to me. I'm curious, but, I know the hell that awaits me if I do it. So I don't. But, I feel the need, the force and thought that pulls me and is pushing me closer to the step where I actually do it. Sometimes, I'm not even angry. I'm fully in control of my emotions and body. But, I keep having images in my head where I step closer and jab and the persons throat. Who, it doesn't matter to me. I've had those images with my friends, people I don't know, even my own mother.

When I'm angry, I have no control. I have lost my temper and destroyed things I shouldn't. I'm more curious than afraid that one day, I'll lose my temper and hurt someone. It could be rather interesting actually. If I end up in a courtroom at least I can plea the "insanity"-plea. Or am I thinking of some other thing?

For me it's more like curiosity. Will the blood pour out of him/her like water? Will it splatter across the room? Will I have to use a lot of force to shove it all the way in? If I pull out the knife, will the blood gash out of her/him like in the movies? Will she scream?

All I know is that IF I do it, unprovoked, I will have one hell of a time explaining it to the police, my family, probably even the media. Who knows? Will my former therapist get an interview in the newspaper? That would actually be fun.

Will I one day give in to the urges? If I do, and I can control it, I will only do it towards those who I see fit to die. Those I hate. Not personally of course, but, to those who I deem evil.

206 comments:

  1. I have similar urges, the only difference is that I would be wondering what would happen if I thrust the fork/knife/sharp and shiny implement into my own throat.

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    1. same, all violent urges I have are self mutilation based. I have this recurrent fantasy of chopping off my own limbs...

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    2. I get the urge to kill all the time. I could be using a knife to cut food and suddenly I think, Is this how it would feel like to cut someone? How hard would I have to dig? This happens when I'm angry too. My mother could get me mad and I start imagining how it would feel to thrust a knife into her. But the fact that I would get caught keeps me from doing it, because freedom is one of the things I can't live without.

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    3. Do you seek therapy for these urges? Not meant to be condescending, but serious. Even if it is not your fault you have those urges, what if one day you can't control them?

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    4. If there are any guys with the desire to be eaten, mutilated, or watched as they self mutilate contact me, even if its only a curiosity. Ssbhm men a big plus!!
      Email me at: viciouskittonic@gmail.com

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    5. Haha, it's always the throat for me too.. Though as someone who goes to school I have to refrain myself from stabbing the person next to me with a pen. If people knew what I thought then they would probably be terrified of me

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    6. I've had the sensation as well to slowy cut the victim see how the blood flows to feel the warmth exit thier body watch as the life leaves from thier eyes especially with people who think the world bends around them it would be fun to watch them go from badass to nothing more then a empty shell full of fear knowing that they are not invincible

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    7. I get this feeling all the time as well

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    8. What a bunch of retards

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    9. ^ first on the kill list

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    10. Sometimes I feel like I need to something to myself if I ever get these urges. Like to harm myself instead of others.

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    11. I've Only Had Visions Of Killing People Who Disagree With Me. My Vision Will Get Blurry And I'll See Myself Doing Something And Feeling Pleasure In Hearing Them Beg For Their Lives Or Their Skin Changing Color As They Suffocate (Not Sexual Just Happy)

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    12. hey. sometimes when i close my eyes i see a man with a beard. similar to the man from the movie 300. i see him woth no arms or legs theyve been cut off and you can see the blood and meat and then he is thrown into a big pile of salt. then he rolls around theere in pain then the whole pile of salt is set on fire along with him and i see him burn slowly shouting in pain

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    13. I dont know if this pertains to this convorsation but i have constant urges and "dark things" pulling me and making me want to stab and slice people open and im almost ashamed of it but also intrigued. I often wonder what would happen if i was to grind a knife through somones neck and feel it scrape the bone and and watch the life leave there inferior eyes as they gurgle blood. Just saying this almost makes me sad because i dont want to think this way but i have come so close to doing it that im almost worried. But yet im excited, and i dont think i can be classified as a phycopath because i feel emotions (a lot less than most people) but i just crave the sight and feelingbof blood pouring from somones body by my own doing. Other than dont do it, do you have any advice for me or something that can help me. I often find myself downing kolonopis and xanex, pcp, meth, heroin and other opiates to tame the feelings i have. You will probably get the mental image that im some sketchy tweaker guy buy im only 18, go to the gym every day, weight 172 with 9% body fat 5 foot 7and im good looking and friendly, im not waht most would expect to have such a strange blood lust

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    14. I'm 14 but I feel this every day. I even document my thoughts. I got caught with knives on me in school. Ps I am female.

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    15. Me too except for im a male and also 14

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    16. Wow I felt like I was alone on this exsept some reason I crave a more physical approach I hate it in my head I feel like ripping throats out with my teeth that scares the shit out of me more when it's during sex I have extremely ominous teeth that are extremely sharp and durring the moment I lust for nothing more then use them to rip them apart I hate the feeling but it feels so good to just think it I always snap back when I force my self to stop... I feel crazy probably people say u fucking are dude but it become more of a problem as I get older no I'm not liking it

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    17. I have urges to hurt but mostly kill people but unlike most of these people I think of ripping people open oooh how fun to be able to tare out there insides all the blood makes me hungry I crave the taste every time I want to harm someone of course no one who knows me knows about me because I don't want to be sent away where they'll think I'm a phycho but I'm not there nothing wrong with me I just have bad intentions sometimes people think I'm a phycho where I live it makes me sad I'm alone. But while I live I will protect things that are mine until the one who's proclaimed me thair property takes with them out of this waste of a world. Only online to people I don't know I tell my story because I might be in a place called the juvenile detention center because someone betrayed me and now I wait for my court date.

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    18. Sometimes I just have the urge to strangle someone or just stab them with a knife and watch their blood pour out. I also imagine other things that would disturb most people. The urge is so strong and it's hard to contain it but the thing is I don't want to get caught so even if someone wants me to hit them or I'm defending myself I just don't want to but then I get the bloodlust and just want to watch someone die and I laugh at the thought of it. I actually enjoy disturbing things a lot more than normal people but hey, I don't wanna be normal and I can't help but want to do these things, there is hardly a part of me that doesn't want to. I like to hold knives to comfort myself and sometimes I go grab the kitchen knife and hold it, I get this great feeling and it just makes the lust stronger. The thing is, I am only 12, though I am definitely not the average 12 year-old. I can tell you one thing and that is that I am definitely not right in the head.

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    19. I sometimes have the exceeding urge to cut someone or my self because I feel like I can gain a connection with others. I am theirs and they are mine. At the first cut we are bonded as only two beings can be by the utmost fear and joy, pain and love

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    20. Hmm I too get these urges. Sometimes I'll be sitting at school starring at my classmates, with a serious mind, and just think,"I wonder what it would look like if all there throats were torn away their positions causing immense amount of blood to spill." This both creeps me out yet brings a curiosity among my mind. When I'm angry I want to grab a knife or a silver spoon and stab something while laughing. This makes me assume I'm either insane or carry a very disturbing mind. So I see where your coming from an I must say it's not a good thing to think, I mean you will be judged in the end for your crimes and we should value human life even if some people deserve it.

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    21. i just want to kill so many different people i've come across when i think about it i giggle so my solution im going to join the military and kill as many people as i can and enjoy doing it beacause the diffrence between the rest of you and me is that you want to avoid your urge to kill i embrace it i was born to murder and thats what ill do legally of course because ill be a us soldier killing the usa's enemys but ill get to kill non the less

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    22. Dear, Alice
      I have the exact same thing with my vision. I feel the uncontrollable urge to rip someone's throat out with my teeth. When I get mad,hut or excited by having sex. The blood is what I need.

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    23. The blood tastes good and it makes me wet just thinking about the taste or smell.I want to know what it feels like to lick the blood from someone's throat as they die.Sometimes I have visions of just killing my teacher or sometimes even my family and friends. I've never wanted to kill myself just others. P.s I'm a girl and 14

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    24. I wanted to leave without saying anything. I really did because I'm not a keyboard warrior. To the wannabe soldier, You're a coward. You lack the resources and courage to dispose of a body,concoct legitimate alibis and probably the guts to actually murder because you fear the legal consequences. Civilians and prisoners outnumber soldiers and some of us hate US soldiers for the very reason they want to murder peaceful people.
      To all you teenagers. Getting aroused...wait until you see it. Just wait until you see your best friend or close relative get stabbed or shot in the head right in front of you. Or even better, watch them slowly die in a car wreck with a piece of metal through their chest or eye. Just wait until you see a severed head. They're heavy, you know :)
      The best thing about human blood is the smell. Especially after it's say in a house, all closed up for more than 24 hours. I'm sure you would love to taste it. It smells like a giant penny farted it's copper taste all through the house but accidentally had diarrhea and it splattered all over the place, then got upset and puked everywhere and then died , leaving a stench of decay.

      I'm not a paramedic and none of what I'm describing has been a part of my profession. Its a part of life for some people. Some people have seen a lot of blood to the point that it disgusts them and enraged them as much as the people it comes out of or the circumstances causing it.

      If you cut yourself, please keep doing it. I hope your fortunate enough to have parents that would beat you when they catch you doing it. It'll save you one day if you stop because there are people in this world that take no pity on people like that and it duels them even more to hurt you because you are worthless and a waste of oxygen in their eyes.

      Its normal for teenagers to want to hurt their teachers and parents, I guess. But wait until you see blood, like I said, coming out of someone you think you want to hurt or just wait until it comes out of you. You dont feel a knife going in if you're stabbed quick enough. Just coming out.

      If it turns you on, seeing or thinking about it...wait until you encounter a real sadist who messes you up. Basically, wait until you get raped and have to go to the hospital and tell your local law enforcement what happened and how it happened, especially if you invited it.

      I came here to see if anyone had fits of homicidal rage and brooded over it on how to act it out. More of the sense of vengeance and disposal of people that devalued other people. I understand what I'm saying is an oxymoron but I'm glad that I dont know who any of you are. I wouldn't really feel too bad about if you weren't alive anymore.

      P.s. I'm a mom of a five year old in my late 20s that's heavily tatooed, athletic and just has to accept that I am just messed up but Thank you to most...at least I can cross out pathetic off my list.

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    25. Oh, Happy new years , by the way...
      And have any of you just tried beating the living shit out of anyone? It helps ;)

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    26. Turn to Christ! Jesus will help you take away those feelings. God is love, Jesus loves all of you! There is peace is him!

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    27. Just shut up prest

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    28. I think about killing my therapist alot and really the people that work with her but only like three the rest can go home....but I respect all if them so much I enjoy being around them I have no problems at all...they've helped me so fucking much...and it scares me to know that this fantasy is so captivating so real that it makes me feel so high so outta this world....I kinda have muscle spasms and anxiety attacks when I think about it. .but I don't purposely think about it.. It just pops up in my head...its even worse when I see them...I can't tell em...I don't wanna go to a hospital. Or jail. .I don't want to go to a crazy house...but I need someone...or some drug to sedate me...I don't want to live like this..I have goals plans aspirations for my life..family...how can one thought be so life threatening to me...I need help..please

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    29. Every day and everynight i get the urge to hurt or mutilate or just kill someone but i know i cant an i know my heart couldent handle it im a nice person soft hearted but on the inside im different i cant talk to any doctors or anyone about this im 20 years old an i am 6 months pregnant i want to get help but im afraid if i tell them they will take my baby away an i could never would never harm a innocent child i dont know what to do anymore.

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    30. Sometimes I fantasize about cannibalizing new born black babies and torturing the entire Obama administration to death.

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    31. I've found that by channeling hate and focusing on a given subject we can more or less hallucinate the sweetest way things should look, much better than a 5* horror flick.

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    32. Every time I hear somebody wants to start shit with me I get a good adrenaline rush of just fantasising about spear tackling them to the ground and eating the flesh off their neck and ripping into it and smashing their head over and over with a rock or breaking their arms or for torture techniques, burning a cigarette in their eye or mouth and making them swallow it and drilling into their spine and eating their body parts and force them to watch it. I only don't do it because I know the cops will find out and I don't want people to be scared of me and I'm extremely paranoid that the police will find the body if i dump it somewhere.

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  2. well understood. Thoughts of killing simply for something to do happen to me as well. I think the pull comes from wondering if it feels any different than how I usually feel. I've seen people have heart attacks and it doesn't stir anything like it should. So I wonder, if I swiftly slit someone's throat, would I feel anything? I don't feel anything contemplating the action so I doubt I would.

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    1. do it cut each and every one of their worthless throats rume whos to say they dont deserve it anyway i would help you if i knew you.. \\\\#kill

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    2. To the Mom of the 5 year old. You obviously don't know much about being a soldier. So maybe you should shut up on that topic. To put it simply. If you haven't experienced it, then you have no right to talk about it. Much less form opinions on it.

      You did have a point though. These people who think it would be intriguing to kill wantonly, you obviously lack the guts. If you ever muster the guts, do the world a favor. Do it to yourself.

      I've killed people in war. After awhile, you develop a coping mechanism to be able to swallow the result. For many, it becomes bloodlust. We were sent to do a job. If we got caught up in feeling bad about doing that job, we wouldn't complete our mission. That's why we wait to have breakdowns until we're done with it and we can put that part of our lives behind us.

      The the wannabe soldier. I can tell you right now, you'll never pass the psychological exam. You may think you can hide it, but the truth is, they are designed to root out those problems. Even with people who can hide it well. You'll never be a soldier. Might as well get used to it. Even if you made it to training, with your way of thinking, you'd be kicked out quick.

      Truth is, I think most of you want to feel good about being included in something. You may post anon, but it makes you feel good to come and say what you want. Not many would disagree with you. That's why they're here as well.

      In truth, not many of you would be successful at it. You think it's easy to kill somebody. I had a guy in my battalion who went nuts after our tour and stabbed a woman 72 times. She lived. Even after being stabbed in the throat, chest, stomach and legs. She didn't see it coming, but she fought back and lived. He was no pushover either. The guy was 230 lbs of muscle.

      You want to surprise people by just jabbing a fork and knife into their throat. That act alone tells me a lot about you. You are first and foremost cowards. Second, it tells me you are obviously very high on your horse. You think it would be easy. The ones who think about the consequences are on the right track. At least this is just some stupid fantasy you will never realize. The rest of you? If you truly felt that way, you wouldn't be talking about it on a fucking website. Real murderers and psychopaths don't feel the need to go talk about it.

      I think this website has wrongly labeled this. It's not sociopathic, it's psychopathic thinking. They need to go back and examine the meanings. Most sociopaths won't openly flaunt their gifts. And most who think they are, are dead wrong. They don't know what it truly means to be sociopathic. They just try to act as such so they have something to brag about. They do sociopathic things because they want to feel like they are.

      It's not a short-term thing. It doesn't happen and then you move on to something else. It's something you cannot help.

      You people are attention seekers. You crave this type of attention. You want to outdo one another. Keep it to talking about it and feeling good that other people like to talk about it. If you ever feel you need to take action? Do the world a favor and end your cowardly existence.

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    3. did u ever think that some people are actually sociopaths and are affraide im fucking 13 sofuck off

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  3. Sometimes, in my experience, these images have to do with anxiety and fear even anger. And it usually means, for me, that I'm avoiding some other part of my life that needs attention. I can imagine it with someone standing next to me or even with myself. the other day I thought of pushing someone while waiting for the subway. I never believe I would do it and these thoughts don't happen like they used to. That's just my feeling for me. What to make that clear.

    Sometimes if I have these images I make fun of myself and try to lessen the sad feeling I get from having them. But it doesn't sound like either of you have that sad feeling. But there just thoughts and I don't give them much validation. Plus you would be surprised how many people think like this and never talk about it and just become confused by them.

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  4. ThevoicesarecallingApril 26, 2010 at 9:13 AM

    This explains me exactly. The thing is, being a sociopath and having blood lust is a bad combination. We could do anything to anyone and not have any grief for it, which is why blood lust is usually related to sociopathy. Luckily for me, I have great control over my anger, and I can't remember the last time I got extremely angry. When it does happen though, which it probably will, the other person will definately not get up ever again.

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  5. I don't think all sociopaths necessarily have these urges, but as we all know, most socios are smart enough not to act on them. I wonder though, if there were no laws and no punishment, if anything would stop us. I sometimes have images in my head of throwing myself in front of subways, off of tall buildings, etc. though i am not suicidal. It happens when I have been extremely anxious, and like the person above said, when there is something else bothering me.
    To the person above who says they wonder if they would feel anything if they slit someone's throat. I wonder something similar myself, but about other things. I have absolutely no desire to have a child, though my clock is supposedly ticking away. Everyone asks when I'll have a baby. I will never explain to them "never, because I know I would not feel any more towards my own child than I do toward anyone else." Ugh. Sometimes I wish I could feel things the way other people do, AND still have my unique combo of socio skills. The older I get, the more I recognize my differences, and the more I realize how much I don't blend in.

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    1. I know exactly what your talking about I have the same feelings I climb roofs n always see me just stepping off not suicidal by no means and I can be sitting next to my friends n famly n see myself stabing them these things IV seen my whole life never thought of it as abnormal but IV noticed I am dif BC 9 months ago I had a child n I watch my friends his mom and her bf feel things for him I wish I could but cant

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  6. once,

    though it's not a suicidal thing I definitely think of what extremely harmful things would feel like. I like the pulse of electricity and often when working on electrical breaker boxes I have this strong urge to grab one of the main legs in the back of the box. I'm uncomfortable with heights but love the thrill of standing at the edge of tall houses. I think it's my way of feeling something strong, so many things that should provoke emotion are dulled to my senses.

    I actually have a kid that I don't see though I full well could and have rights to. When I began looking at the signs of antisocial personality I think I made the right choice by exiting his life and my ex-wife's when I did. You're right for the most part, I feel nothing and think of him seldomly. Every once in awhile I have a desire to be his father figure and teach him my philosophy about life but I don't think it would be mentaly healthy for him.

    The last few days I've felt a lot more at ease now knowing more about myself and the reasons behind many of my thoughts and actions.

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  7. ThevoicesarecallingApril 26, 2010 at 9:29 PM

    Rume, you do not seem like a sociopath due to you not wanting to be with your kid to protect him from yourself. Sociopaths wouldn't give two shits about affecting kids growing up. And if you are one, wouldn't you want to pass on your gift to others? I personally like being a sociopath, as I can control almost everyone I come in contact with. It's so easy. Wouldn't you want your son to be succesful in the world? Is it the "right" thing to do?

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  8. i once had a boyfriend that would use his electric toothbrush everywhere in the house except the bathroom, and usually in the room where i was at the moment... i often thought of shoving it down his throat, just because i found it rude and annoying...i hardly think that makes me a sociopath...lol
    once i sat him down and told him i wanted to shove it down his throat, and after his eyebrows raised a bit...he stopped. simple as that.

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  9. Once said....

    "Sometimes I wish I could feel things the way other people do, AND still have my unique combo of socio skills"

    If you could feel them you would probably not use your skills in the same way, or even have certain development of the skills depending on when you acquired this dual ability. For example, if one had empathy and could feel love for others, one wouldn't likely need to learn to mimic behaviors associated with those also in possesion of them (feel, love, empathy) nor would be engaged in a process that in effect often hurts others because it would be unnecessary and you would think and be aware of about how it would feel for them and it would be an unpleasant reflection as you feel it too at a minimum and you would likely not wish to do so unless there was good reason in general. I am using "you" in a general sense.

    The extreme awareness that S people seem to possess and the ability to stay very relaxed and calm during what others might consider high stress is probably developable by most non S people I think.

    Not very related, but some have mentioned the abyss and Buddhism. I think this abyss refers to the observer state, a kind of vast dissociated separateness that is pure awareness and that sees the thing that sees. The word abyss suggests to me that this state or place is considered frightening/depressing. Is this state close in the consciousness of those who are S?

    I think it is interesting that in Buddhism, which discusses these various states and our ever changing nature and reality, it is believed that the view one gets from non delusional reality is one of compassion and love for all things.

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  10. Thevoicesarecalling said....


    "Sociopaths wouldn't give two shits about affecting kids growing up."


    "And if you are one, wouldn't you want to pass on your gift to others? Wouldn't you want your son to be succesful in the world?"


    I could be wrong but the second and third sentences seems to indicate a caring about affecting a kid growing up in terms of passing on a gift that may likely increase chances of success.

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    1. Im your classic example i have no moral compass i constantly think about just killing them all but i dont becaue id get caught then theres gonna be more when i get rid of every witness and the first responders ect...

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  11. Rume said...
    "I think it's my way of feeling something strong, so many things that should provoke emotion are dulled to my senses."


    Yep, that's why every so often, I go skydiving. And it puts everything else in perspective.

    How many of you Socios have kids?

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  12. I seriously think if I had a child that I would just get mad that it stretched out my body and made me flabby. Then I'd be afraid I would have absolutely no love for the kid, and still be stuck paying for it and supporting it for the rest of my life.
    The only person I ever loved was the guy I had an affair with...and he was a socio too. After that breakup, I figured us both out eventually. No wonder he seemed so "real," he was putting on a show just like me.

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  13. thevoices...

    maybe it's the rationalization I use to convince others of my sincerity towards my own *gryn* I enjoy some of the behaviors/talents I display but I'm frustrated that since I can't feel what others describe and I observe that perhaps my understanding of those emotions is lacking. Sure I have a feeling of superiority but I am not without reason.

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  14. Wow, I never knew there was such a thing as "blood lust"....VERY creepy! That explains alot to me in terms of serial killing such as the Jeffrey Dahmer killings. It would have to be blood lust, otherwise what would motivate someone to go out and kill people the person doesn't know? The canibalism part is another story. I have no clue about that.

    To those that experience blood lust as part of your sociopathy, I wonder what it feels like? Is it a strong urge or is it fleeting. Does it come and go? Is there anything that triggors it? How do you cope with it? How do you stop yourself from giving into this lust and hurting someone? For those of us that are not socios and have no clue about "blood lust", is there anything that we might notice about an individual who has this? Are there any kind of signs that one might notice if you are the target of a person with "blood lust"? Have you ever hurt anyone or an animal for the purposes of satisfying your lust for blood?
    Zan

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    1. To answer your question, it feels like any other urge such as sex, hunger, thirst, etc. It is both strong but short and can be any where between 30 seconds to 5 minutes. For the most part when I am bored or looking at a particularly annoying person I feel the need to tear their throat out. The only way to cope is to wait out the feelings. Waiting or simple breathing meditations help me with them. I seem like a perfectly normal guy for the most part. There is nothing you can see to tell me apart from a normal person. When I was younger I would go fishing and tell my parents I was "releasing them" when I was cutting them apart and slowly torturing them. I never went farther then fish and stopped around 17.

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  15. Can't speak for others but my experiences with thoughts or desires of this nature are usually fleeting when focused on a single person. I may just look at someone and think,"I'd like to maim that person," and my next thought will be entirely off that track.

    Occassionally I find myself in a daydream of violence, that's when the term blood lust seems to really apply. The thoughts are very focused, detailed, and rapid. Kind of plays out like the things Hannibal would do while listening to Chopin's Raindrop Prelude.

    Triggers- as best I can recall most happen when I want to change or manipulate something or someone and it's not going as planned.
    Coping- The fleeting thoughts present no problem with self-control. The daydream thing, I know if I want to really do it, it will require planning. Lots of planning, a dedication of time and energy that will likely be overridden by boredom to be done right. It requires sacrificing time away from the life I've spent creating or abandoning this wonderful charade altogether hoping the satisfaction of violence surpasses the joy of day to day mind games.

    I remember fileting a catfish alive one time. Amazing creatures but I don't want to write a book about it, this post will be long enough already.

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  16. ThevoicesarecallingApril 27, 2010 at 10:11 PM

    Rume, I have the exact same daydreams that you have. I love to imagine myself walking around and killing everything in sight. The only thing that stops me are the consiquences. If I even get a little bit angry, I imagine using a knife or other object to destroy the other person, no matter who it is. And I enjoy it.the daydreams are the best part of all though, having a detailed plan of death. I do not imagine killing myself, for I think much to highly of myself. And cannibalism and other things like that, no. That just takes things a little to far. The thought of taking a life is what really stirs me. Oh what fun it would be.

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    1. Say per say that you have another side of yourself that wants to control you basically another half who always says this little song" Let me out I want to come out" over and over again but you know that once you let that side out it will consume you. Mostly it just wants to kill those precious to you for all the times that they try to protect you but really don't see to why cant that person make its own mistakes due to the fact that there life has been nothing but suffering and now all that suffering has just consume them and turned them into an "overprotective parents". How does one control that other half that wants to kill those that are precious?

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  17. ThevoicesarecallingApril 27, 2010 at 10:14 PM

    Btw, hurting an animal is no fun. Such low creatures couldn't give any enjoyement whatsoever.

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  18. I found out later there's an easier and much quicker way to kill a catfish. It makes fileting easier, I'm not a cannibal guy either so the torture the fish goes through it is inneficient for the purpose.

    Humans on the other hand I have a deeply-seated anger for. Sometimes its the trivial things like manners that frustrate me and trigger little daydream. Strangers who refuse to converse with even a simple wave while driving irritate me the most. I mean come on! How am I suppose to fuck with your head and see if you can tell if you won't even be a "waver." Geez

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  19. Thank you Rume and The Voices are Calling for your responses.

    "Btw, hurting an animal is no fun. Such low creatures couldn't give any enjoyement whatsoever."

    So does this like so many other aspects of sociopathy have to do with dominance and control, just taken to a severe degree? This makes me wonder about your sex lives. Are you into sado-masochism? If so, I would assume that you would be the sadists or the doms, am I right? Are you able to have "normal" or traditional sex and enjoy it? If you are into sado-masochism, do you ever worry about hurting or killing someone during the sex play?

    "Occassionally I find myself in a daydream of violence, that's when the term blood lust seems to really apply."

    Do you ever fear your own throughts? Do you ever worry that you will not be able to control them and that the fantasy will become reality?

    Thanks for answering my questions. It is a whole different world. It makes me realize how naive the average person is in believing that everyone is basically good. So many times I have compromised my safety by going out of my way to help a stranger, assuming that the person is coming from the same place of reference in terms of the world when in fact there is no way for me to know that. Sure puts a wet blanket on my world!
    Zan

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  20. ThevoicesarecallingApril 28, 2010 at 3:07 PM

    "It makes me realize how naive the average person is in believing that everyone is basically good"

    Yes, everyone is so naive and it annoys me to no end. They think the world is such a nice place, when it is actually the total opposite. Sometimes I wish that their bubble could be popped and they could see the real world for what it is, a terrible place.

    As for the daydreaming part, I personally have enough self control to stop myself, and if their were no consequences besides my own enjoyment, I would have done it so many times. Rume may have different thoughts on this.

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  21. My sex life involves a bit of light bondage. Most frustrating part is if my mate doesn't want sex it is not very enjoyable. I like respect and admiration, that's the point of using a facade. So yeah I enjoy "normal" sex, but the kinky stuff excites me more.

    I don't fear my own thoughts coming to reality, if it happens it happens and if you're going to go, go BIG I say.

    voicearecalling is very much on the same page about naivity being annoying. It's like people have no perception. Look at the very structure of the society we live in. Most people are like domesticated turkeys staring up in a rain storm wide mouthed.

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  22. ThevoicesarecallingApril 29, 2010 at 2:17 PM

    Rume, I'm glad someone besides me has the same veiws as me. At least someone in the world is smart enough to see it how it really is. I slightly wish that there were more of us, but that would ruin all the fun of showing people reality. Have fun popping peoples protective bubbles. I know I will.

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  23. Tanks Rume and Voices,
    If you were to teach empaths the "real" way of the world, what would you tell them? In your opinion what are the biggest dangers we face in our world of oblivion and how do we recognize when we are around others that are potentially harmful to us? I have been a rather trusting person all my life and for the most part with the exception of boyfriends, it has worked well for me. Any suggestions?
    Zan

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  24. ThevoicesarecallingApril 29, 2010 at 10:14 PM

    Haha I thought Zan was a guys name. Oh well.

    First question: One way I would teach an empath would be to slowly slit some random persons throat an make them watch. But I guess that could only work once. There isn't much to do actually. I try some (personally) comedic aproaches for people I see regulary and place pictures of dead bodies in their drawers or something like that. It gets some laughs for me but I rarely do this and it's only for the extremely naive. But for others all I can do is listen and laugh while they explin how they are explaining all the good things of the world. I could retort to no end, but that would be socially unexceptable.

    Second question: the biggest danger....there are so many dangers in our world. Can you explain that question more please?

    Third question: you can't tell if others are harmfull unless they are totally blunt about it. It is almost impossible. I can sometimes, bu that's only because I'm one of them and I can tell my own kind. As for people like you, you'll know only when they unleash themselves.

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  25. This is something I feel too. It can be maddening. Not the urges, the cravings - but the fact that they're all contained, bottled up, not realized. And I know I can kill. I've, which some may call pathetic, had enlisted in the army (not the US army though) in a desire that maybe there I'd get a chance to do it without severe consequences.

    I'm trained to kill. I want it bad. Sometimes it feels like my whole life is narrowing down to this hazy uncertain future when I'll be no longer able to hold it back - or when I'll stop persuading myself not to do it in the name of my relatives. When these stupid but so long uphold ties would break and allow me to do things without looking over the shoulder and think about how it would be a great disappointment for others.

    And sometimes I think that holding back in the fear of prison, of the following excommunication is cowardice, really. The urges are a very big part of myself - does it mean than not acting on them is betraying your nature? I ask myself - maybe I should start doing something about it? Working out schemes that would ensure my safety? I, theoretically, should be able to work around that.

    But yes, it is quite interesting, the question of when would actually all better judgment stops working and the hell breaks loose.

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  26. Are we under the assumption that empaths cannot tell a sociopath is merely displaying an emotion? I've met a few people I would classify as empaths, they seem....put off by what they feel with me. That contemplative stare on my face lets them know I'm a bit of a blank canvas and I think it both intrigues them as well as alarms.

    I'm not a psychologist so I had to google the definition of empath. Ability to sense others' feelings, perhaps even animals and energy of inaminate objects. Seems like your just more trusting than your average joe Zan.

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    Replies
    1. Rume, as an empath perhaps I can clarify a couple things.

      I see a lot of generalizations being made here about empaths as being naive and sheeple like. You may be right for the most part, but don't think that being an empath is a weakness.

      Beinga ble to sense another's feelings means that you have feelings of your own. It doesn't mean that you trust, it merely means that you care. For example, if someone gets hurt by your action, you will dislike this fact. You will feel something unpleasant in the bottom of your chest. Therefore, you will avoid hurting others, or even better, you will make efforts to makes others feel positive feelings or emotions as this gives you satisfaction.

      In other words, we are of completely different worlds and therefore can never truly understand each other. Humans tend to feel an aversion to what they don't understand. Just as you feel annoyed with our ability to feel and care for others, so I feel annoyed and deep resentment for those who cause pain and suffering to others; who do not feel, and do not understand what it is to care.

      Perhaps I am intrigued by sociopaths, but I also pity sociopaths.... simply because my reality of pleasure and satisfaction mostly resides in my relationship to others, and I am sorry you are not able to experience that.

      To me, you're kind of like a pseudohuman. Ever wonder why the word "humanitarian" has human in it? With your homocidal tendencies, you seem closer to an animal than a human.

      Delete
    2. "With your homocidal" You mean homicidal "tendencies, you seem closer to an animal than a human"
      Uh oh! Retard alert! Your mental state doesn't make you closer to an animal, unless you are delusional and you think and act like an animal, Rume is quite human. I can confirm! He is typing on a website and is using english words! So he doesn't seem close to an animal. First of all animals the hunt and kill are doing it for survival, not because they are homicidal. I happen to have a strong blood lust and am imagining strangling you, breaking some bones, cutting you open, beating your rib cage and organs behind it with a sledgehammer, and some stuff you don't wanna know. Also if you read this that wasn't a threat, just what I was thinking, ya know, blood lust.

      Delete
  27. I don't ever want to kill anyone. I am not into the idea of ending a person's life, purely because that's not what I want to do with my own life. I do however get very excited when I see blood. It's a hugely insatiable thing to me.

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  28. Also, I can get really carniverous. When I get these urges, I sometimes go shooting with friends (lucky me), or I will go to a restaurant and order a steak and have it blue. Then my urge to see something bleed, or to see that something has had to die to feed my hunger, is satisfied.

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  29. "Seems like your just more trusting than your average joe Zan."
    Rume,
    I am afraid that you are probably right about that statement. I try not to be but it seems to be my nature. I am very fascinated by people and almost never meet one that before long I don't find something about them I connect with or like. Once that connection is made, it's all over with me. I tend to be all or nothing. If I like you, I like you. If I don't, it's probably because I don't know you. I need to find a place where I can like someone but still be cautious and aware that everyone has a dark side, some darker than others.
    Zan

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  30. I have the same urges as the guy who posted this article. I'll randomly just think about stabbing some stranger in the hallway, or my best friend, or my sister, and it only gets worse when I'm angry. I've always found ways to cope (killing animals when in dire circumstances) but my new friend is making it tougher. She has those urges too, and we talk to eachother a lot, engaging in mostly one-sided verbal abuse (she's usually the victim). We've both questioned whether our friendship is a positive thing or a negative thing. It's a wierd friendship to begin with. Two violent sociopaths somehow wound up in the same english class, and we're both girls. What are the odds? On the one hand, we serve as outlets for one another's anger, and it probably keeps us from being enimies. We'd make terrible enimies, as we are both highly intelligent (although I'm a bit smarter, but have her fooled into thinking it's the other way around, just in case)and violent. On the other hand, we're reinforcing our aggressive behavior on a daily basis and we may one day become an unstoppable killing team. Not sure what to do...

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  31. I have no desire to kill people spontaneously (or at all). I'm simply not a violent person - killing an innocent person would go against my personal code. Further, it's not like I have any means to establish guilt in another person nor the training to do it without risk of punishment.

    However, I was with a young lady the other day and had my hands around her throat. I was the Dom, she was the sub. She was resisting, so I squeezed and squeezed until her face began to turn to purple and she finally gave in. It made my heart pound so hard in my chest. While she coughed, I could only think of doing it again, but not stopping until she struggled and flailed and stopped.

    I wouldn't kill her, but I could. And if I were to kill someone, I wouldn't do it in a way that would shed blood. It doesn't feel the same without my hands on flesh.

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  32. i was feeling a lot of bloodlust. and i didnt know exactly what it was at the time. but now i have a more understanding point of view for what i'm going through now that i know what bloodlust is. and i dont think i'm a sociopath. though i've always wondered what it was like to be one. is it hard? not feeling like others feel? but yeah i often imagine killing someone. or some animal. i have pet mice and sometimes i just pick em up and squeez until they squel. its really weird and it sort of creeps me out that i could be this violent but hey anything is possible when it comes to the human brain. i have visions of blood so many times. sometimes its during class and i'll imagine killing everyone in the room. i seriously wonder if killing a human being would clam my bloodlust. but once i think of the punishment i stop myself. and say "dont do it". as simple as that.

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  33. I cant recall a time when I didnt have the bloodlust. And it isnt all the time. It is fleeting and often nothing at all brings it on. Its simply there. Cutting a random strangers throat is a common one but so is pushing someone into traffic for no reason. Being a petite female....people in public dont know to be afraid of me. They dont know the deadly potential inside the cute wrappings. I have to agree with what was said about wondering if something like this would make me feel something significant when other things dont. I never tortured animals. I have no feeling one way or another about them. It is also the punishment that stops me.

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  34. I don't quite know if I am a sociopath, because I believe I am too young to know, but I have had this urge. Plenty of times, and for awhile I believed I was the only one. For most of my friends didn't understand what I meant when I told them I feel this way. I imagine doing this to my teachers. Carving wings into the back and watch the blood pour out like rustling feathers. Some I just imagine sticking it right down the middle of their throat and watching it leak. Usually in a crowd I want to cut my own throat down the middle, mostly caused by anger, confusion, and the ability to not be accepted by those around me. I feel my body, mentally tugging and in ever fiber of me, to do it. To simply cut. To watch the blood drip down and maybe even lick the knife. I'm only a teenager and I don't know why I'm having this feelings.

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  35. Because you're a teenager and therefore stupid and hormonal. Chill the fuck out and lay off the lame poetry. Listen to David Bowie. That'll cheer you up.

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  36. Hate to be the bearer of bad news for all you wannabee Dexters but all i'm reading on this blog are the mutterings of angry adolescents with vaguelly narcisstic personalities which i can assure you will disappear with age. You'll then be just like all the other 'socialised' zombies wandering around the planet, a bit like me. When i was a teenager i often imagined myself killing other people, in graffic detail. Guess what? It passed. Not being a sociopath, but being someone who has experience in the mental health field, i am pretty confident that no-one on this blog is actually a full-blown sociopath/pyschopath. Why? Because every sociopath i have met (sectioned) wouldn't be the slightest bit interested in posting on a blog about sociopaths. Some have a vague awareness of what they are, but what makes them what they are is that they really don't care what they are. Sociopaths don't have the slightest interest in self-diagnosis or over analysis. This is part of what makes them sociopaths.

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    Replies
    1. Verver hate to say your stupid. If you have experience in the mental field you would know everyone has a different mind so stfu. A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience. It has nothing to do about wanting to post on a blog. That is opinion my stupid friend! You probably wont read this but I just wanted to tell you how stupid you are and I doubt you know what your talking about. I also just got a very nice thought of doing something to you. But I don't want to ruin your poor young innocent ears.

      Delete
  37. Hi, thanks for posting your feelings. I think many of us have this desire to kill people and just don't admit it. It's like others have a really strong desire for sex. Go see your kid and grow up with him. I've got 2, I love them and I love animals. Just not people. You can feel when the Dark Passenger is there - go do something constructive during those times. so much for "adolescents" - ha, I'm almost 50 and I've had this desire since childhood. Why don't I kill? Fear of hell. Not even jail. Stay strong. And for the empaths - just be truly caring around us, it's the arseholes who bring up the desire in us, not the nice people.So what if we only copy nice reactions without feelings? Good on us! Keeps you alive!

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  38. I had the same urge many times, especially when I was in a HUGE continuing stress last few years. I had a boss like from The devil wears Prada. She was not a sociopath, just and ugly, revengeful and stupid cow. I sometimes almost pitied her for simple being. And at one point, when I was employed in that job for like a five years (this was the longest time I was actually doing one and the same job, because I normally change jobs in five months, I get bored), I not only had reocurring dreams of killing her, but every fucking day, once I stepped at the doorway of the office (I work in a huge press house), I vividly imagined that I go from one room to another, calmly shooting or stabbing this and that person, and ending with Veronica (my boss), doing something very nasty to her. I SO wanted to get out! So I did, and you know what happened? They fired her just two months after I left. I was so angry! But the funny thing was, that they called me back ater a year, just to another ofice. So far I don´t have the bloodlust. But even when I had it and partly acknowledged that it would be a horrible thing to do, MAN, I so enjoyed dreaming about it, that I would actually do it! But I did not. And I certainly WOULD not. I would not have the balls.

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  39. Just because you have these urges it doesn't mean you're a sociopath. It's called blood lust and people who have no intentions of hurting somebody can have it, it is a fetish just like some people have a fetish for feet, or maybe a fetish for pouring chocolate over somebody. But if you are considering hurting people you should see a Doctor.

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    Replies
    1. Hobout the fetish(as you called it) to pour hydrochloric. Acid over sombodys body just to watch their skin melt and to listen to theirbloodcurdluling screams as you watch the life leave their eyes

      Delete
  40. Ha, i come on this forum a lot and accidentally found this article while looking for the answer elsewhere. I feel like this constantly, the desire to kill, watch the blood drip, shoot, pour, whatever. See it on the knife, my hand. I want to laugh as someone dies, i want to watch the light disappear from their eyes. For me it's half the curiosity aspect and half the control, the utter power you have over someone when you hurt, then kill them. Why do there have to be such dire consequences for doing it?

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Hello Apprentice. I have never wanted or had the urge to harm other People or Animals, I do have the desire to bleed, easy meat victim

      Delete
  41. I just have the urges to kill someone, no one in particular, actually I'll prefer not to know them. then I will have no sympathy...

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  42. If a prison would offer people a chance to kill an inmate anyway they want that would just be great youd be satasfying the urges (if just for a few moments) and helping to keep prsions from over crowding

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  43. each and every one of you should be shot in the face. you are disgusting and i am appalled that people like you are allowed to exist in my community, you vile, lying, narcissistic sacks of shit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then why the fuck are you on this website.

      Delete
    2. Shoot us in the face just make sure none of us is alive to cone back for you you forehead. Fucking fanatic fairy faggot peice of shit

      Delete
    3. Yes! This is great. "Sociopathworld" is actually just full of people who watch too much television and want some attention.
      I like this. Fuck off all of you if you can't stand this kind of comments.
      This is the stuff this website is all about.
      Fuck off. Thanks man/girl!

      Delete
    4. Exist in YOUR community? Excuse me, but last time I checked, YOU can't own a damn community or decide who gets to live based on your own opinion of us. You don't have to be here, and this website is for people to escape judge mental people like you and speak freely of what they feel with out being called out as different and labelized. These are REAL problems. These are REAL people, and most are just facing a difficult time and looking for the advice from another in the same situation. It's for people with similar problems, not an attention center. We help each other like a real community.

      Delete
  44. Question didnt read all the comments so dont know if answered this but if I have similar thought to this writer would I be consider a sociopath?

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  45. I'm not a sociopath, but I am dating someone who is. It's interesting, as he only has a bloodlust while his temper has blown. Me, however? I have one very often. I understand what you mean when you speak of the "daydreams", only I am only this way towards other humans. Never animals. When it comes to the bloodlust, I feel like it's half way between a coping mechanism for me and a fetish, although sometimes, when sex is a common occurance, the lines may be blurred.
    As for the question regarding sex, yes. I personally am sado-masochistic and am perfectly fine filling either role depending on what my partner wants that specific day. When it comes to those days that my bloodlust is high, however, I will not accept being a sub. (Yes, I am a member of the BDSM community) Thankfully, my partner doesn't mind being masochistic so it all works out. It's good to know that there is a site to explain this and not be looked at as insane, at least by most. I was beginning to think that no one else really thought the same.
    As for the naievity of others, that is truly a sad thing. My father is the spokesperson for that, I swear. Sometimes I wonder if that's why I can't stand it, but either way I more pity them. I suppose if that's how they can cope with the world, however, live and let live.

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  46. When my bloodlust kick in i feel adrenaline pumping out in my chest, the feel of nicotine withdrawal overwhelm me and i get jumpy and feel a light lack of oxygen. It is almost orgasmic. It is not the killing, the taking a life just for the fuck of it. It is genuinely rushing onto the mark and making meat sauce out of it. I feel alive, like a wild animal. I fantisize about eating its flesh and drinking the blood and it tempts me almost as much as chugging down a cup of coffee (you coffee addicts out there know what I'm talking about).

    What's funny is that if i went through with any of these things and got cought, and if they would ask me why i would do such a thing i would reply; 'Because of the same reason you have sex. Either it is the rush, or pleasure. Or maybe just to get it over it so you can go to sleep. You do it not because you chose to, but because you were chosen to.'

    And that is what makes me laugh over this. I'm not sick. I'm a basic human. It's not a disorder that just came along as a deficiency in out evolutionary process, but a basic animal survival instinct that just happened to be locked away deep inside of all of us.
    I just wonder how the hell it managed to get out of there though.. Guess I'll find out in psychiatric care in a few years eh?? Hahaha, no but seriously I'm not gonna kill anyone.

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  47. I've had these urges too,except when I do get them I subconsciously map out how to go about it and who to target.I always suppress it though,as I'm impulsive.So when I feel that "pull" I move away and try not to think about it.It's hard to do,especially since I can see it happening,I feel how I'd feel if i went through with it.When I get angry,however,it becomes almost impossible for me to suppress it.I still struggle to suppress it.I came upon this site to maybe find out how to control it or deal with it.Good to know im not the only one who feels like this.

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  48. I have an extreme bloodlust. I want to kill multiple people. I just want to see their blood, and look in the mirror and be covered in it. I am only like this when angered. I have a split brain. One side good, the other side, me. I want their blood

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  53. i also have that same thing one time i got home to find that my grandparents searched my room and found my bong, and in a rage i got my cat and untied my shoe real quick then tied the shoe string around its neck then started stabbing it. I new what i was doing but i didnt have the right mind to bury it and they found it burnt under a wood thingamabob.

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  54. hi im just a young teenager and ive had the same problems sence i was a toddler the difference is that when i hear different tones of music or tones i go a little crazy and im trained to kill because i do marshal arts and all my friends know not to mess with me and girls are really scared of me because i was asking a girl out she said yes and told her i do marshal arts and have a bunch of Asian weppons in my room and she dumped me two days after because of she was scared of me and i even asked why and that what she said "you are a to scary of a person" and im super lonely and need help controlling my self and i have no idea what to do and ive almost killed to many people i need help

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Could it be misophonia? Or something else causing your sensory triggers? Please do seek help, call someone, visit a mental health professional. There are ways to cope with how you feel, so you will be able to control yourself.

      Delete
  55. i have the same problem accept its not 'I want to watch them bleed or die' it was first i want to taste it then i want to feel it dripping down my throat and currently i want to drink it all i want them to die with me drinking all of it. As you can tell its getting worse and a girlfriend and a friend who is a girl saw this. the girlfriend broke up on the spot, grabbed a knife and cut my hand and arm they were shallow very shallow, she then called me a monster and ran out the door. [and that really cut deep emotionally] the friend said it was only psychological, she kept trying until she got a cut on her arm lets just say she was emo and well it ended with me having blood on my mouth and her seeing the as she called it "Demon" in me and she kinda threatened me with death. so yeah i kinda need some help with it.

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  56. I have had the same instances as well where I would just love more than anything to take a knife something dull in fact and just jab someone I would just love to see there blood drip and hear the fearful screams for the ones who could even let one out I can easily control the urges so I don't have much to worry about but I'm just waiting for the day in have the perfect opportunity to just drive something thru someones throat

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  57. I have had thoughts of slittingthe throats of people and drinking the blood as gushes forth. Finishing them by smiling with my blood drenched teeth as I slowly twist a knife in thier chest, seeing that scream that never makes a sound be brought forth, and disposing of their bodies by grinding them up and feeding them to pigs while using their heads as decorations.

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  58. I have urges like that all th time just yesterday I found myself on my friend going for his neck. I scared I'm going to lose it again.

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  59. For me its different, I actually don't think I am a sociopath, however I do have "animal" urges, I want to track people pounce on them and kill them, occasionally I will slip into autopilot and track people, follow their scent, the sound of their voice or footsteps, I have no intention of killing them, but I feel the bloodlust start to boil then, it feels more predatory than curious to see what happens. I haven't ever let my control slip, but sometimes I want to let the sudden flood of rage wash away my need to control the hunger to hunt, and like father dearest I also have to eat bloody rare steaks occasionally or I start having more frequent predatory episodes

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  60. I get the same thing all the time... I hear the voices and sometimes I say things but.. they aren't actually me saying them. It was like someone else was talking through me... I don't know who I am nor do I know what I am saying as I type this.. I feel crazy and a will have sudden fits of laughter and then start crying about how i scare myself with my actions.. I feel strong but at the same time I am weak.... WEAK WEAK WEAK....!!!!!!!!!!!! STUPID USELESS BLOOD....................Mommy? Make the voices go away dammit! I don't know what to to make them go away!!!!!!!!!!!

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  61. I don't think I'm a sociopath. I'm actually pretyy empathic most of the time. But I have really strong urges to stab humans sometimes. They've been getting worse. In my neighborhood it would be really easy to get away with too, inner city. I used to feel like a monster when I had these urges, not sure if it was cuz I was always drugged up on some kind of psych meds....but now I quite enjoy this feeling. I convinced my doc that I was fine. I'm extremely manipulative and love wathcing others suffer, physically and emotionally. Perhaps this is my "true self"...I think the meds I was on for years had me all kinds of confused. Opinions, anyone?

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  62. I know this sounds bad, but when I'm mad at my sister I imagine stabbing her in the stomach... she's pregnant.

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  63. I imagine huge metal poles just appearing out of nowhere and skewering everyone in sight.
    I also often think about just slicing my throat or peeling off the skin from my arm to see what it looks like on the inside and touch it and feel it.

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  64. Personally I've never been a very emotional person, though I've never been one to cause mischief. First impressions of me by other people always go one of two ways: either the person thinks that I am a very charming man with a great personality, or they sense that there is something really wrong with me. About a year ago I realized that there was, in fact, something different about me, in that I have absolutely no sympathy towards other humans whatsoever. I found this page while searching for something to explain another realization: that I would love nothing more than to tear open another person's flesh with my hands. There never seems to be a reason for why I feel this way, and it has never been accompanied by any sort of anger, or even the curiosity that some people have testified here. I have no desire to know what will happen if I act on these urges. I already know exactly how it will make me feel, and I know that I really want it. I have spent what feels like forever using my better judgement to stay my hand, but as time progresses my better judgement is telling me that it would be healthier for me to act. The last time I felt the need to spill blood, it felt like my thoughts were cutting off like a scrambled radio and I that I had lost almost complete control over what I would do next, and it actually frightened me. There was little I could do to pull myself out of it, and I came here with the hope that there is someone else who might possibly have experienced something like this before, and may be able to offer some advice on how to control my actions when I can't even control my thoughts.

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    1. Do you mind telling me how you predict you would feel in the case of you acting upon these urges? And how exactly these thoughts by fantasizing it make you feel as if acting on impulse? I feel I can relate to you on some levels, and I understand how blinding the urges can be, and in the case that you described. Have you ever actually harmed another? If you aren't comfortable answering these questions, don't feel any obligation too, I completely understand why you wouldn't. I just want a complete understanding of the effects these urges impulsed by your thoughts have on your emotions.

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  65. hey im a socio and i was just wondering how u guys deal with the craving for the taste of blood i enjoy the taste i used to date a masochist but it ended and she let me cut her n drink its kinda like a shot of adrenaline or something i usually try to hold back these urges to hurt things and people physically but i usually cut my self to fulfil my desires what do u think would help keep my desires lower

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    1. I'm actually in the same predicament. I understand the adrenaline feel COMPLETELY. I've never had the desire to taste it, but the sight and feel of it gives me that sense of fulfillment to the urges. The flow of adrenaline is intense and the sense of pleasure makes me smile or laugh. Although I used to have a fear of it, it was my cutting when I was engulfed in my depression. As of right now, as I'm slowing recovering, the emotions are a mix of anxiety (the fear I once had) and the adrenaline. The urges are still there, but now it's formed more into anger. They can be strong a lot of times, I must admit, but I just do my best to distract my mind by doing something. Not with people of course. Usually just channel the energy, such as running, music, cleaning, or in my case, I write or draw. I do suggest reaching out for proffesional help though, I'm receiving counseling now as well, and Ive found it to be very useful. I used to be resistant to the idea, but it actually has made me think different and see things from a much clearer level. I've learned a lot about what I feel and how to change how my mind thinks, and I'm sure you can learn too :) you can change if you want too, but it's a choice. Recovery is a choice, but if you do ever have any concerns with the idea, let me know and I'll do my best to help you through it :) good luck, I hope the best for you.

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  66. I have urges of just torturing people and its not like im angry or upset its just a curiosity like " i wonder if i did this whould the die or pass out, how much pain would they be in? Would they cry? Would they even be able to cry?" Things like that but that exaple is a bit light hearted compared to average thoughts. I also get the urge to kill some one and watchem bleed or just mutilate them i dont know why but when i run simulations of these in my head i always get a big akward grin. I know if i ever actually acted on these desires or urges i wouldnt stop id lose myself to the enjoyment of the act and knowing i did it but as of late i have been building up a bit more stress than usual and the urges are way more frequent and intense to the point where sometimes i have to force myself to go to sleep to calm down and reset. Dose any1 have any tips or suggestions on how to calm down a bit?

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  67. I've had the sensation as well to slowy cut the victim see how the blood flows to feel the warmth exit thier body watch as the life leaves from thier eyes especially with people who think the world bends around them it would be fun to watch them go from badass to nothing more then a empty shell full of fear knowing that they are not invincible

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  68. Everybody thinks taht I can still be normal even though I really want to plunge my pen into their skull. Or electrocute them, and watch the pain. Or light them on fire because blood looks... so tempting.

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  69. I feel the same when it comes to wanting to fucking mess up anyone but sometimes it scares me cause it doesn't matter who is it may even be my own mother and i still have this urge to see blood. I think it will be a lovely sight to see a brutal murder take place hehe it definitely sounds fun to see.

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  70. I love the sight of blood, even my own. I busted my head open a bit at work once during an accident and the brutality of the scene really excited me. I didn't feel so good physically having lost a lot of blood: but I loved the blood covering my hands, the floor, my face, everything.

    I can relate to the person in the original post, but I took things a bit further. Many. many years ago when I was in 6th grade I had this insatiable desire to stab this enemy of mine. He hadn't provoked me immediately prior to me stabbing him, and he had no idea it was coming. I kept wondering how far the metal shank I had would go into his flesh and what it would feel like. It was a crowded room full of classmates with my teacher a few feet away from me and him. I can remember stabbing it into him until it stopped, and him screaming and the look of horror on everyone's face when they realized what had happened. To this day the only regret I have was doing it around so many witnesses. I was on probation until I became an adult. I suppose if I could do it all over again I'd stab him more than just the one time.

    I still have similar urges where a bloodlust comes over me and it takes all my self-control not to lash out at those around me. People stopped challenging me when they realized how easily I could destroy them if I wanted to. People never escalate to physical violence with me because they know they won't be able to handle/survive the inevitable retaliation. I don't feel the least bit of remorse or guilt for any of it. I only wish I went further when I lashed out at others.

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    1. You are my type of guy or gal ha you get it the rest of these people think there crazy when in reality we are just more intact with our primal feral side i like it i didnt stab anybody but i use my hands which is its own fun have you thought of joining the armtly just so you can kill because its fun? Just to watch those around you slowly bleed until they stop moving and laugh whilst doing so. I personally like the taste of blood the texture as it drips from my knuckles and fingertips i use my fists to smash everything i can think to break. Its amusing and fun. I love a good brawl. People hardly get violent with me either they can sense that id kill them in a heartbeat a cackle while they wreched in pain on the floor regret is for the weak And mercy is for the faint of heart. My favorite one was when i was a freshman and freshman hunt started except i was hunting.not them XD this big tall kid walks up to me and says your dead freshie and i giggled which made him ask whats so funny i responded well some of your own bone is going to break inside you in a minute and that beautiful shade of crimson your filled with will decorate the side walk i said laughing hysterically then he threw a punch and i broke his wrist and he toppled belowing in agony then i sat and the left side of his ribcage and said well that was a bad idea and proceeded to pummel his face until hand had a big red stain which i then cleaned with my tongue i got up with a thrust and broke a rib with my sarcastic whoopsie and walked away there were consequences but it was well WELL worth it.

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  71. My trigger is usually when I'm holding a weapon. I'll be cleaning my gun and it takes all my might not to shoot my family. My whole body tremors when I have these day dreams

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  72. You guys might need to seek therapy for this kind of thing..

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  73. You guys definately did help with my whole try-to-supress-the-urge mission. Good lord, I'm nearly shaking. My arm feels heavy, and I want nothing more than to cover my room in blood and gore. Hopefully, I don't give into this urge, tho. Not about to be labled "mental" or "dangerous" this early in life. Plus, living without freedom (or at least a degree of it) would fuck me over so hard I'd never be able to come back to rational thinking. Good. Lord.

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  74. Well said everyone, I have never felt more at home. Its so easy to manipulate people it also creates distance. my girlfriend wants me to be polyamorousand seek out other girlfriends is she to like to see more than one guy she's very forward thinking what it means to love. For sake of length I'll keep it short, when my emotions are clear but not necessarily strong (the good ones never are)I like to go see her it's about as close to a normal relationship as I get although she does not know I'm a sociapath ,very few people do. Now to the point,when I find someone interesting physically attractive or whatever I let them know and give them some time to think about it and read pretty much anything out there it all says run if you meet a sociopath although it has been some fun its nice when you can put the power their hands if someone needs to loose some blood it would be so pretty in red is just a darker shade of pink.

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    1. I use talk to text and still have a hard time getting it all down, sorry if some of it dosnt make sence

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  75. I'm 18 years and I have those urges to kill people and go crazy everywhere. I nearly did it in class though, and pictures inside my head is plotting who to kill, how to do it, and who's next. It keeps popping out, one single emotional word even by mistake would make me go crazy.

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  76. Yeah I'm 13 and I feel the exact same way. But, the sight of large sums of blood makes my mouth water (in the good way) and I am curious as to why that happens. Advice would be much appreciated.

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    1. Its because blood is amazing try.joining a coven of vamps even if you know there posers i love mine like family and i get blood which is nice i make paintings with it drink it hell i even dumped it on myself when i was having sex just seek out a vamp coven at the very least to satiate you curiosity

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  77. For me it's just using a razor blade and makeing deep cuts on myself and licking up the blood. I've always wanted to do it to others but I never have thought of it because I don't want to crave it.

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  78. Every time I think about it I get this empty feeling in my chest and the more that I think about it the more I start to feel like the blood Is consuming me. My head starts to feel like I'm about to explode and the only way I feel like I can stop this is by stabbing someone and watching them as the blood releases.

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  79. I have urges like everyone here yes, but mine deal with wanting to rip apart the flesh of another with my teeth and feel the blood run down my throat and spill on me, but genuinely, i am a very kind hearted person, i love many people, i would rather myself suffer than anyone else, i hate seeing others in pain. Death is my biggest fear, and itd be extremely hard for me to cause another person death and an eternity of nothing. so id like to know why do i have these thoughts?

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    1. I can very much relate to you! I'm a very kind hearted person as well, I'm constantly rushing to help people, and I wince at others pain. I'd give my life for a stranger any day, although I admittingly fear death. Then there are those times, where I'm suddenly just not me. I'd recently suffered depression, well more severe I should say. I'm receiving counseling now, but before I was very suicidal and I self harmed. Now before all this, I had a fear of blood. Just the sight of it would frighten me. When I was engulfed in my depression, cutting was my escape. I saw my blood shed as what I deserved. It gave me adrenaline even, I guess it made me feel alive. The thoughts progressed, and I began to think of much more blood, all over my hands, just feeling the great river of adrenaline and strength flow through me. I sense of a pleasure, as unnerving as it is. My thoughts would switch back and fourth. One moment I have a strong sense of protectiveness and gentleness, then the next bad thoughts and strong urges invade, such as "I could murder you all." I would think of how I wouldnt feel anything, and it'd be quick just slicing someone's throat. I'd think about laughing and smiling, to much of my discomfort I now realize. I feel now in control of these thoughts, but with my two very distinct sides, I still am very fearful. I don't want this to consume me, nor turn me into the person I'm not. I can understand your struggle. I'm not sure the causes of it, maybe mental illnesses? PTSD? Or maybe their just phases and they'll go away one day. My best advice for you, is if it's gotten to a concern, reach out for help. Stay safe, and continue being the kind hearted person you are :) that's your true being, and it can't be taken away, just be careful of your thoughts when you are alone, and your actions when you are with people :)

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  80. I also have violent urges, but mine involve more wondering how much blood I can take out of a person before they die and which ways I could get more blood out of someone. I wouldn't do anything of course, but I just sometimes get the realization that I could harm someone, potentially even fatally.

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  81. I'm not sure if I have bloddlust or not. But I really want it. I really want to implement as much fear as I can into my enemy just by looking at them. I've never been in a fight before but I always find myself planning out how to take down anyone if say someone ran into my room with a gun or a knife, what could I use as a weapon around me that would kill them quickly and efficiently. I think I've experienced bloodlust before, but if possible I would like to know how to trigger it and push it to the max. That way if I need to protect the people I care about I can trigger that mindset and have full confidence that the enemy will die. The only time I've gotten "bloodlust" was when I thought the man that strangled my mom was outside our house. I grabbed the biggest knife in the kitchen and stood by the door waiting for him to show up. I was scared, full of adrenaline, and very emotionally confused. But the revenge would have felt great. But I had to snap out of it because it wasn't him at the door. But he's in jail and won't be out for a couple of years. Anyway, how to trigger bloodlust forwards people? That is my question for you guys.

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  82. I've thought like that before. It would make me feel like a powerful hunter of the forest. Kind of like Predator from Alien Vs. Predator. Is that the kind of image you have in your head? And on another note, I think of it like if anything, direct your urges torwards people that are genuinely bad people and deserve it. But I don't recommended killing unless you are certain you can get away with it.

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  83. I hate two people in this world that hurt my loved ones constantly. I don't just want them dead I want to tear them apart from the inside and gut them. I want to see them suffer and even when dead their body torn apart. It gets so bad I slightly shake. I only feel this towards those I fully hate. Sometimes tho I do wonder what would happen if I just attacked this person next to me and just beat the shut outta them. I'm very hate filled and angry sometimes but normally I'm level headed.

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    1. It made me smile to see that someone on here has the same problem. I also have two people I'd love to kill because they could hurt my loved ones. One I already did, lucky for him he's in prison. The other one I'm just very suspicious of but he hasn't hit anyone he's just very controlling. I too am very hateful and angry, although I don't usually ever let it out. I just bottle it up as much as possible and have mental breakdowns in private if needed.

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    2. One already did hurt a loved one of mine is what I meant to say. I did not kill him that was a typo. Sorry about that.

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  84. I'm not sure if I'm s or borderline or whatever. Don't really care. Just want to know if anyone can answer my question. Only when I get near or pick up knives do I feel the urge to just jam them in to things. I had knives taken away from me multiple times as a child because I loved to cut things up. I never felt the urge to kill animals. I still don't. I actually care about my cats more than people. Well, I don't really care about people at all. As I was saying, I used to have a huge knife collection. I would pick them up all the time when on vacation. I recently found one of my old knives. This one has a gold plated sheath and handle. It's truly gorgeous. Looks like something you'd sacrifice a small child with lol. Every time I pick it up and take it out, I just want to stab something. Anything. I like stabbing cardboard boxes because of how easily the knife slips in. I always wonder what it'd feel like to stab a person. How much pressure I would have to use. There were so many things that I would do if there weren't any laws, but I couldn't survive in prison. I like to stay somewhat under the radar. Can anyone explain why I feel this? Or does anyone have a similar urge? It's odd at best. I have to put the knife far away from me so I can't pick it up, or I'll just stare at it until I pick it up again. I know that I have sociopathic tendencies, but the fact that I care so deeply about my animals lets me know that I'm not one. I'm just fucked up.

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    1. Same. I sometimes have deep empathy for my family then I don't. I love animals way more than humans (especially the exotic animals). I'm pretty sure I am bipolar but even when I'm depressed I still have the blood lust and when I'm sad or just have the blood lust strongly I read gruesome stories, maybe some bloody creepypasta. Also anyone reading this with a blood lust I recommend reading the creepypasta, Clockwork, Jeff the Killer, Ticci Toby, there are some more I can't remember but I have to say how nice it is to read such a dark story :D.

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    2. Same! not a socio, but have tendencies.
      never thought it was common.
      or is it not?
      I love animals so much. I'm going to make it part of my job.
      (especially the exotics)
      so how can I handle the blood lust?
      killing people have way bigger consequences than killing animals.
      I did try creepypasta but all I think is, 'cute.' or 'lovely.'
      I tried Dexter and it was good, but doesn't help with the needs.
      I always plan my friends murder methods but..that's not even supposed to help right?
      I feel like a drug addict.
      only, the drugs are too expensive for me to get.
      help us out?

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    3. Halloween. Make a homemade costume on halloween and find a victim, one you are stronger then. Make sure there all alone. You can kill them where they are or kidnap them and do stuff. It will most likely make you feel great and it will satisfy you for awhile. If you do feel it really strongly again, find someone alone in the woods.

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  85. Don't tell me you can't control yourself when you get mad. You may not be able to control how you feel, but you can control yourself. You are just lazy, ignorant and do not take the time to truly understand yourself or others if you are sitting in a room so scared that you are going to kill Everyone.

    You are just a sensitive person who is out of balance because you aren't living right and growing how you should be. Some of you are also slightly empathic, so your inability to grow that skill makes so many situations feel like an assault on your very soul. (Avoid crowds often? Feel too much what otherS are going through?) If you don't grow, you will be consumed. And it's ONLY your fault if you choose not to grow. NOTICE how I'm using the word CHOOSE, as in choice?

    Accept your thoughts and understand that they are not you. As a human, You are the chooser. You are the farmer inspecting thought seeds, every crop and deciding for our higher ups if it should be birthed into reality or not. If you choose to focus and obsess on destructive ones, there is no reason other than you choosing to be a destructive person.

    How can I be this harsh? Because I've been there and done that. Take responsibility for your own path and fix your lack of accountability.

    Find the truest balance between you the individual and you the member of a collective.

    Grow, grow, grow and if it ever becomes too hard, ask your higher influences, self - friends - community - planet - universe - God - family whatever! To carry you.

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  86. I'm calling the cops sick motherfuckers... Lol jk. I believe killing is as natural as birth. Sex feels good in order to procreate, but one must protect them and thiers, which is why nature makes violence and killing feel so good. Like you people, I have internal desires to kill but not necessarily for the blood.. More the power to take someone's life into my hands and make it mine forever. "...at night, I see their faces, the men I've killed.... They say 'welcome brother'"-Achilles " Troy"

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  87. So I have had these urges since I was 7, I'm 22 now and I'm starting to have a really hard time keeping it under wraps. I have 2 kids and my oldest is constantly pushing my buttons and getting into stuff she shouldn't. I'm keep seeing my self smashing her head or beating the shit out of her. I don't know what to do. I feel like if I try to talk to anyone about it my kids are going to be taken away..... anyone have advice? P.s when I get really mad I black out and I'm scared I'm going to lose it completely and really hurt her

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  88. So I have had these urges since I was 7, I'm 22 now and I'm starting to have a really hard time keeping it under wraps. I have 2 kids and my oldest is constantly pushing my buttons and getting into stuff she shouldn't. I'm keep seeing my self smashing her head or beating the shit out of her. I don't know what to do. I feel like if I try to talk to anyone about it my kids are going to be taken away..... anyone have advice? P.s when I get really mad I black out and I'm scared I'm going to lose it completely and really hurt her

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  89. My bloodlust is limitless. Once iv lost it i tear through trees. Branches. Doors. Anything in my path i destroy it. I also lose the ability to feel pain. I just turn it off like a light switch and start destroying everything until i reach my target and start brutalizing them without mercy. Iv only killed oncr cuz i cab normally lock myself away before i kill anyone. But its not easy and even know i feel the urge to rip apart flesh and bone burning in my veind

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  90. Whenever I think of killing somebody, which is quite often, I always want to laugh out loud like a maniac. I also like to hold a kitchen knife and imagine stabbing someone and I just get the giggles really bad and when no one is around I laugh like a maniac until I can't breath. Anyone else like this? Has bloodlust, finds death/killing people funny, gets an adrenaline rush when thinking of killing someone, really wants to kill people, doesn't care it's bad to think stuff like that?

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    1. You are not alone. I laughed a lot when reading these comments and picturing the events described within them. I do know that it's bad to think that way, but I can't help it most of the time.

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  91. Is there a reason to why I enjoy the thought of cutting slashing someone's throat open? Like I fantasise about cutting the throat wide open and looking at how to blood trickles down there body and how the inside of the throat is all nice and clean. I fantasise about these things at least 10-20 sometimes even more a day. Even when I'm sat with my family at the table having a meal, I would look at my knife and just imagine how satisfying it would be to just let go and kill everyone. I'm afraid if i let anyone to get to know me for who I am then they will all be horrified by the person I am. I have no remorse what so ever, no contact with my emotions at all. Even when my parents split up screaming and shouting in front of me I felt nothing inside, and there is nothing I can do about it. I have never killed anyone as I'm 15 but I'm afraid that I will sometime in the future. I'm afraid because I know I will enjoy doing it.

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  92. it's reassuring to know I'm not alone on this. I'm only 14 but I've been noticing more how much curiousity I have like that. It's started since I've got depressed and started to cut, that I've found myself doing it even if I'm not sad now just to see blood and fulfill the urge to damage someone. I've always though had strong curiousness on how it'd feel like to cut off other people's limbs or my own or stab someone in the chest or something, and always get impulses to that I'm too smart to react on, even if I know I'd enjoy feeling it and seeing the blood and damage. It's scary, I don't want to end a life or harm someone I love, but that kind of feeling still stays with me. Not sure what there is to do about it, though, to assure that I won't ever screw up and put someone in a hospital. . .

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  93. You guys are the reason I carry a gun everyday.

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    1. A petty gun isn't going to stop us

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    2. And you are the reason why I start to carry a gun from now on. We feed each other.

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  94. Ever since I was 5 years old and I caught myself standing over my own father with a knife, I have been plagued with dark thoughts that only got worse over the years. In middle school, I had o be restrained by police because I snapped and had a girl by her pretty little throat and all I could think about was cutting off her breath. I had to be put in the psych ward 3 years in a row in HS because Jeremy would tell me to hurt myself and others. I cannot control Jeremy. He comes and goes as he pleases. When I was lonely, Jeremy was always there and he would always croon that all I needed was him and no one else. Best part? Jeremy is typing this now.

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  95. All of us simply watch too many movies, are too entitled and have overly large egoes. I guarantee you none of us would be thinking about this stuff if we were forced to survive out in nature, where all this energy would be put to use simply finding resources to live/kill food. Most of you, stuck into a real war-time situation, would change your "bloodthirsty" tune REAL quick when the mortars started hitting around you. Sure your parents abused you to some extent, everybody's parents did. Sure your peers suck, I am sure they feel the SAME WAY about you. You/I are all small pieces in relation to the world/each other. Now get over yourself, stop fantasizing about gore to shut out the real world, and learn to be content. All you control in the moment is your attitude.

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  96. The idea of death gives me a mental arousal, the thought of me killing people, other people killing me, and me killing myself, almost makes it rather romantic. Blood to me doesn't give stimulation but rather how they feel as the darkness surrounds and blurs their vision till they become nothing. I fantasize about being Death by going around reaping people's souls, having some kind of Death Inducement power where i kill people on site. Now most of the time i wonder around at the people i know or in my classes if they have the same thought of me, i would love to meet up with similar people to share our fantasies. I guess thinking about death is more rational than irrational since it surrounds us everywhere and eventually consumes us.

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    1. Death has always been a mystery to me, but I can understand the point of view you are coming from about darkness and it's consumption. Have you ever heard, "life is a beautiful lie, and death is a painful truth"? What do you think happens after death? Do you think there is always going to be just darkness?

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  97. Most of you are just people who want attention. Stop writing and live your live. If you need to kill, then kill. If you don't, don't. Live your life. Go to Mumbai or something.

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  98. I have experienced this bloodlust as well. Sometimes I just want to laugh as I feel the warm liquid streans down my chin in dark rivulets. I imagine stabbing and slashing the throats of those around me. It's more than just imagination though, it's like there is a need, a desire to kill and watch life drift from the eyes of another. Even this comes in different forms. Bringing guns to school and watching as those petty underclassmen and haughty teachers fall. Would the blood splatter? Would their screams echo? I wonder how many would beg. Or just a silent flashing of a knife and the unheard scream that follows. Then other times I yearn for a primal attack. A cracking of skulls and tasting of organs. None of these are in anger though... Just a thought, a pulling, a lust...

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  99. I think about Killing all the time the blood lust comes and even though I have an intense dislike for my self all I think about is killing all the people who think less of me. I'm not afraid of jail or wasting time. I waste my own time. I just want to take a bat and beat a select few with it until there's nothing left but splatters of meat and bones. It's always when I'm alone and I feel just so upset towards the world. I don't know what's holding me back at this point. Probably only the eyes of god. I repent everyday but I thirst for this. It's like nothing even matters anymore. I'm hanging by a very thin thread.

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  100. The thoughts of murdering aren't so much intense for me, more so just the sight of blood. I'm very interested in psychology, and I hope to go into it as a career, but I am believed to suffer from mental illnesses. I woulnt recognize as a sociopath, but often I have these thoughts that most wouldn't believe I would have, and honestly I barely believe it myself. I have this strong feeling to protect the ones around me, then instantly my mind is racing with the thoughts "I could murder every single one of you." Before, I used to have an intense fear of blood, just the sight scared me. Then I baceme depressed, and I developed anxiety, a severe anxiety I must say. Once I started cutting, the blood I saw poor out of me made me alive, gave me a river of adrenaline. That's all its been now, the adrenaline from seeng the blood, then the thoughts started coming, seeing the blood on my hands, I felt like it gave me strength. I'd think about slicing someone's throat, I wouldn't feel anything doing it. But then I'd feel the blood on my hands, and I'd have that rush of adrenaline abc sense of pleasure. I'd imagine myself just smiling or laughing, and it is very unnerving to me. My anger is strong, and often i am fearful of myself. I Am s very nice person, with a conscience, and I feel the pain of others. I wince at others when they are in pain, I'm constant rushing to help people, it's just those frightening moments when my mind slips into that side of me, and often my anger takes control. I'm taking up counseling now, I'm just hopeful this side of me and these urges will be demolished. Maybe some of you can relate, I'm always open to talk :)

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  101. I have always been obsessed with killing and inflicting pain on people since I was a kid. I don't remember when this feeling started; when I realized its present, it was already there. I have always thought that it happened because I like this kind of movies or fictions, but now I think I am wrong. Recently, I noticed my urge to kill or hurt people usually getting stronger. I felt more anxiety as a reaction of myself trying to prevent me from hurting them. This urge distracted me from what I supposed to do. More than once, I couldn't focus on lecturing in the lecture classroom in college. I was so distracted by a stronger urge to slit someone’s, who in front of me, throat or just simply knock them with a chair until they bleed to death, friends or not, doesn't matter. At these moments, I was tapping my feet impatiently waiting for the class to be over so I could just hurry back to my dorm. The same urge also happens while I was walking passed people in public. One of them was a strong urge to throw a small girl over the baluster head first from the 4th floor of a 4th-floors building. Note: The girl was (estimated from my eyes) small enough for me to lift without having so much problem.
    Lately, I noticed my violence fantasies involve something sexual. I fantasized myself using a sharp and a bit curvy shape knife as a dildo for my roommates. And with that very same knife, I insert it (in my imagination) to her nose, cutting throat or hitting her head (I don't think that I can crack her skull open using that knife, but I think at least it should give her pain which would satisfy me even more.). The blood and her screaming in pain excited me as well.
    About a month ago, one of my roommates met me in a public restroom. She touched me from behind in a time that my urge was at its peak and I was in bad mental condition. I was suffering from the pain I believe is depression. I lost control of myself for the first time. I slammed her to the wall of the restroom. There are people there as well. In my head I pictured myself slams her until she bleeds to death. In reality, she ran away from me before I had a chance to attack her again. It was the exact moment I came to my sense and realize what I had done. The shocking part is I expect myself to feel guilt because I heard that it is what people would feel after doing something I did to an innocent, but I was wrong. I didn't feel guilty or sorry at all. The only reason I apologized to her later was because I know it is what socially acceptable and because she is still alive so I have to say it due to the politeness. After the attack, I was very happy. Happy that finally I hit another human and it is not even in a boxing gym. The feeling was awesome. I remained in that state for a several days after the event. I started to scare myself when I called a guy I like on phone and realized that at that moment if I kill that guy, I wouldn't feel anything for him. No sorry, no guilt and certainly no grief. That's when I pulled myself back from my 'insane state'. Oh, by the way, I did told that roommate sorry at the end of the day out of the politeness and later on the weekend I told her the truth that I actually didn't feel sorry or guilt at all and the reason I said sorry was because of a good manner I have been taught. Until now, I still not feel sorry for my actions both the attack and the fact that I proudly told her I was happy to do that.

    At this point nobody die by my hands yet. Things that prevented me from doing so was the mess after the kill and how useful they are to me. I can move out to live alone, but why would I when I can have a nice room to live, lives targets to see and fantasize or even more my actual preys in case I decide to 'hunt'. I also think that keeping them alive will save me from cleaning the bathroom, toilet and floor as well.
    This is all my story that I can think of for now. I tried to be as much accurate as I can. I'm always open to talk.

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  102. When ever i hold a knife in my hand, my entire body trembles with fear and excitement. I truly don't want to kill or hurt someone but when my bloodlust takes over it is so hard for me to control. when ever i see someone lying down i get the strange urge to stomp on their throats. When im in my classes and my teachers walks by i just want to stab all of them in the stomach. When my bloodlust takes over, my insanity takes over as well. I dont understand any of these feelings.

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  103. It doesn't happen at any specific time, but mostly as I try to sleep. I just get an extreme desire to drink blood in large amounts. Nothing helps, and I don't know what to do to resist it. I hope it doesn't get the best of me. (I think this comes from playing the video game Bloodborne. My sanity has slowly slipped away ever since the first second I played that game...)

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  104. I am an adult who is studying law at the moment.I have a seriously above average intelligence who can be thoughtful, compassionate, empathetic and sympathetic and helpful on regular occasions. But for the last 6-7 months I have been having regular urges to hurt, maim, torture and ultimately kill. I do not have any interest on a specific person. It is completely impersonal. I do not care if the person is close to me or a stranger. I have devised different ways with which I can hurt and ultimately kill a person. And it feels that I will revel in the carnage. Sometimes I have these urges to go on a killing spree. Just kill like a a machine without any thinking. When I look at someone I immediately think ..."ahhh... These are the ways I can kill him or her and I been want to savor the pleasure of hurting .... " I do not understand why is this happening. I am close to giving up....I have to suppress the urges by applying immense self control and I only have a drop of it left. I am inches close to just not caring anymore. I am actually amazed that there are so many people who are so close to me in nature. Will this urges go away completely or already significantly decreased if I give in just once maybe??? Or will it just be easier the second time around???

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  105. I've read all the comments and I couldn't help but smile at them all, I feel that, for a while now, that I would love to just injure somebody, anybody, even myself, it makes me happy the thought of it. Any type of pain I want to inflict on myself or another person but I know that i'm in control of it all and that's what makes it better, I would love to be just covered in blood and to hear someone scream but I do get a weird feeling when i'm thinking about all of this it's like a feeling or an urge to just do it.

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  106. I'm not a sociopath but I do have diagnosed mental health issues. Personality Disorder/Dissociation etc. All my life I've felt the urge to hurt others, which is odd because I'm highly empathetic and don't like to see others in pain. It's like a side that's cut off from me always trying to win. I feel like I'm surfing through life as a time bomb, tick tocking, about to detonate. I try my hardest to resist but lately it's been very hard. I avoid others, I'm agoraphobic but I'm sure it's because I don't want anyone to trigger me. I've become angry at strangers before and dissociate but always manage to gain at least half control enough not to do damage to anyone. I've scared people and that's why I hide away, I feel like a monster. I enjoy watching gore, it makes me feel peaceful inside. Feeding that part of myself seems to soothe it so I can carry on with my daily living. I become depressed without it. I'm scared one day I will lose it and become one of those mass murderers. Sounds mad I know haha. I do worry. I feel such rage inside, I cannot be near people. What worries me is that I dissociate, I don't always remember what I've been upto, people tell me that I've acted normal during those times. But I don't trust myself. Am I a psychopath? I have such a pleasant side to me too and the people who do know me want to be around me more than I let them. I understand sociopaths well and do talk with them, I find alot of them are putting on an act though, they slip up and I always catch them

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  107. I've always been the weird girl; even if I have a large group of social bubbly friends. But more and more recently I've been having these daydreams about whoever is around me; specifically me holding them down and just tearing at their flesh with my hands and rubbing my face in their blood and just crushing them. I've been disregarding these thoughts, but recently I found I received a mixture of sexual and just ecstatic excitement from the thought of tying down the guy I love and slowing slicing at his arms.
    It's also come to mind, that I remember when i was a child; I'd always have the same dream about having a bucketful of chicks and suffocating/ crushing them one by one whilst the chickens watched.
    And my whole life; I've always felt like I'm meant for something more, to stand out from the crowd and not be held down by normal rules and laws. I have moments where this fantasy just takes over and feel I can do anything I want. What is happening.

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  108. sometimes when I hold a knife for example and I look at someone I feel like I could easily stab them in the stomach, and then not feel guilty about it. Of course I wouldn't do it, but I have this weird curiosity of what IF I did it. Is that weird, and abnormal?

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  109. Yo I have sinilliar bloodlust ptoblem and I started training allot and do matirial art it really helps to kower it and control it. Sometimes it even quite usefull.if you want to control it you should train your body and accept it. Really helps.

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  110. For me is different i start thinking how to kill people even when i dont know the people but when i get angry i cant stop myself from doing something stupid thats why even when i'm figthing i keep calm because the few times i lost my mind i been close to hurt whoever gets in my way i'd been in trouble with the police in the past just because i cant control myself when i get angry there is only a few people that can make me stop and right now they are all minding their owm life

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  111. I finally did. In my case, I hurt people, if that person didn't call my name I'd probably kill her. The feeling was awesome. It's intense. I have never feel that much alive. I still replay it in my mind and it brought a smile to my face. Sometime I have to hold myself up by trying not to be like a mad guy smiling with no reason or feel not-ordinary happiness. I attack because of depression; my non-bloodlust-side was weaken. It can no longer contain my bloodlust-side after many years of battling, it finally give up. Of course I end up in a mental hospital and it suck.

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  112. Are u guys serious??/?? I though I was only one with desire of death n blood....I still cant believe u....either i m mad or u r lying..

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  113. For me the closer I am to that person the more I want to mutilate them or kill them and I really want to try gouging eyes out I wonder how satisfying that would be.

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  114. What does it mean When You have the urge to catch and kill small animals?

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  115. Insatiable bloodlust... I've been playing with this idea in my head for over a year now, I feel like a fuckin psycho, but I think I seem more of a socio, either way, blood excites me and whenever I see it, I want to drink it, I scared my ex last year when I started licking the blood off her arm and hand from her self-harm... and that's actually when I first realized something was off about myself, and I don't wanna say I've just gone my whole life without an emotionless husk, because I didn't, I was a "fairly" normal child, I had friends, I went to school(most the time), started growing up, am still going through my teen years(which some will say is why I get "murderous" and "dark" thoughts like this), and have experienced some of life, and I won't say I've seen it all, but I will say I've seen a lot, the last 5-6 years have been hell, a very long and exhausting hell, but it's pretty amusing in the end, I'm still alive through it all, but craving something else from life now, not misery, not heartache, not drama, but blood, and I've suppressed the cravings for it months at a time, making me feel practically sick at times, so I just substitute my own blood for others... I normally have difficulty dealing with shedding my own blood myself, but I'm pretty accident prone and it helps quite a bit, not that I like being accident prone... okay, I've been rambling for too long, it's almost 8 in the morning and I didn't sleep and I've have had a lot deep thinking tonight and I wanted to put this part of it somewhere... so here it is I guess

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    1. I often fantasize about killing and eating black babies

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  116. Sometimes, I want to find a living creature somewhere, human or not, and grab a knife, stabbing it into their stomach so I can watch their expression as I pull out their intestines and wear them as a scarf. I'm only 13, and I've had these urges since I was 11.

    Fun.

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  117. i have this urge all the time even now so becareful of who you talk to it might be ME I WANT TO KILL ANY THING THAT LIFE IN IT

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  118. i have the same fetish, except i want to see other people do it to themselves. i wish that my family would make some sort of suicide pact for no reason or very spiritual reason and they die in front of me with smiles on their faces while i watch and make it into something spiritual.

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    1. I often fantasize about killing and eating black babies

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  119. I fear i am not normal. I want to rip and shred soft human flesh, I want to eat there soft organs and rip out throats with my teeth. I love the taste of blood. I wI'll just be sitting there and have the sudden urge to decimate the poor fool sitting across from me. My deep fascination with blood doesn't stop at taste, I like to play in it. To paint with it. I also enjoy taking gory scraps from animals and decorating with them. The smell, the sound, the feel of gore, flesh and blood is simply wonderful. I fear I am less the human, but more then an animal, a beast of sorts in between the two, and I like it.

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  120. I frequently got this feeling and always imagining it to take place. If only my human side didn't hold me back it would be a nice experience to have. Also, I'm always wandering on how to get rid of my humanity, so, can someone please tell me the way cuz I'm desperately trying to give in to my bloodlust at least for once. That's why it must be nice to be an animal. You can kill whatever you want, wherever you are, anytime you want without feeling guilty and without the need of carrying the sin for murder. And also, I really need my bloodlust to be in active state for a longer period of time, so, is there a way to increase the limit of it? I really need it so I no longer feel fear and some other bothersome feeling that are disadvantageous for a fight.

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  121. I have a lot of daydreams about randomly attacking people- sometimes with objects around me, like hitting them with a chair, but other times I imagine slamming their head into the ground, biting, kicking, etc etc. And it's not because they've done anything wrong; often, it's just random strangers. When I get these thoughts, my body actually twitches and sometimes shakes unconsciously. And I also have a weird thing for blood- sometimes, I'll put it all over my hands and face. I don't know why. It's weird.

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  122. When I was little, probably around 7 I started killing small animals. Frogs & lizards that kind of stuff. I would smash their skulls in, and then start slicing them into pieces. I found it fascinating.I got bored killing little animals when i reached 13. I got a BBgun as a gift but everyone saw me as a good kid.I practiced in cans like any normal kid, but I was preparing for larger prey. I shot a bird eventually, but only enough to cripple it. I watched it flop around pathetically and it kind of made me laugh. I eventually got bored & made too much noise and began attracting attention so I stood on its wing bent down and looked into it's beady black eyes and put the BBbarrel to it's heart and watched the life drain out along with the blood.The blood. It was only a little, but it was beautiful. It was so calming. I did this with basically anything i could get.As I've grown older, I've learned societies rules to being "normal" "unnoticed" which means safety in privacy. I know the societies standard for right and wrong, but I do not agree with it. I follow the guidelines anyways.But I fantasize in detail the things I can do to those whom I see worthy of death. I don't do it, nor have I attempted to act towards it. I want to, but I also enjoy my freedom. If I acted on my thoughts, I know I could get away with it in thousands of ways that I mentally full proof. But, again, my freedom is too highly appreciated.The solitude and privacy alone is all worth it. But the thoughts always remain and it's been years since I've taken a larger prey's life, so I decided to test things to see if i still feel nothing when I kill, and no suprise, nothing. I have more of a respect for animals now than i had when I was little. I suppose now i have I system of morals that i didn't have before.I don't mind killing. It's simple and means nothing, but for creatures incapable of evil,I do not let them suffer. When i see people who do wrong to good people, I do wish to torture them slowly and hear them beg for the mercy they do not give those they infect with their presence. I see them as a cancer. They do not deserve life, but they do not deserve a painless death. I feel they should have their power stripped from them for that's what they spemd their lives doing to the people.They feel the need to bring the innocent down to rise above them. But me, I wish to help the innocent by removing the infection from it's its source. I am slightly bullshitting myself saying that. I like to famtasize about bad people because although it's a day dream, I still like to visualize everything as the real world, including consequences. If the people deserve to die, it's justified and less effort to find the killer will be inforced. Win win. The thoughts are plenty enough to control my cravings, but there have been times ive fought and stopped myself from going too far. I'm every fight I've been in, I see everything happening in detail but the rage in me gets too strong to ignore and i catch myself choking them out or getting too close to going the extra mile. Once I almost drowned someone after they hit me with a branch from a tree and i tackled them into a deep ditch filled with vines and shubbery and about a foot of water at tge bottom and I caught and stopped myself when i realized I had wrapped a vind around his throat and started to push his face into the muddy water. This was when i was 14 or 15. I have gained so much control over the years but i still do not know my own strength so i avoid any physical violence because I know by if any off chance I cant control myself, my freedom and solitude will be lost. I have my insentive to npt go the mile, and it has always been a good motivation to control the urges.
    It feels good too just let this out.

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  123. I have a fetish for torture and mutilation, when i watch videos of dogs or cats being thrown around, like if they were some sort of tool or object, i get the urge to touch myself and beat myself up, giving myself bruises and cuts with mucus and tears on my face, seeing myself in the lowest state turnes me the fuck up. i know it may sound disgusting and disgraceful but i just cant help it... i also enjoy the dismemberment of human body parts and often wonder how it would taste... i love seeing people die like on gone wrong videos, its really easy to disable a person with just one hit on the neck... but when i think about my family die or having a sudden horrible death it scares me... i don't want them to die its so easy to die... i'm scared... I love them so much, that if i had to choose between me or my family to die i would kill myself for them. but when it comes to others i just don't care, i use their misery for my pleasure. it feels nice but its also feels bad. to be honest im pretty angry, i dont want to think about my family when it comes to my "porn" i dont want to see them in such a state its a fucking turnoff... and now i can't masturbate properly... hehehe sorry if this sounds too "graphic":P but hey, we're all sharing our stories here and so am i :P

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  124. I am a fourteen year old girl who has these exact problems the way you described them. But i also have ADHD anxiety very bad fast mood changes, and low thyroid. then of course anger and depression. But all of those things run in my family, both sides actually. but i have never heard of someone in my family feeling this way. and i am getting extremely overwhelmed. i felt like i was on a time limit until something happened, that feeling is gone like time is up and i am much more scared than before.my mom doesn't believe me enough to understand,i don't know what to do. Sometimes i even think about me getting shot or kidnapped hurt or even dead. I have always thought there was something seriously wrong with me is there?

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