Sunday, November 24, 2013

Sociopath kryptonite

One my friends is kryponite. By that I mean she is totally immune to my charms. This is my favorite characteristic about her. I love being around someone for whom any mask I wear is completely ineffectual. There is no temptation or expectation that I be anything other than myself. Some of my other favorite people will sometimes become weak and require me to wear a mask -- the mask of understanding or compassion or humanity, when they feel they need it. With her, it's all completely unnecessary. She may wish that I was something other than what I am sometimes, but she knows nothing's going to change that.

I don't know what it is that makes her so immune. I do know that she is consummately reasonable. Are the two connected?

In Robert Greene's, "The Art of Seduction," he talks about different seduction targets, including the anti-seducer. He warns seducers, "Root out anti-seductive qualities in yourself, and recognize them in others." And warns against choosing an anti-seducer for a target: "There is no pleasure or profit in dealing with the anti-seducer." There may be no pleasure or profit for the seducer, but maybe there is a benefit to being the anti-seducer -- invulnerability.

Sometimes I envy my friend's kryptonite qualities. Unlike her, I can actually be seduced or manipulated relatively easy, if you know what buttons to push. This friend remains unflappable in all circumstances, but as you can imagine, she also lives a relatively lonely, arguably sad, and perhaps soulless life. Everyone wants to be seduced, probably even part of her. With risk comes reward, and with nothing ventured, nothing is earned. I wouldn't want to be incapable of being seduced/manipulated, like she is, because I think it can frequently be fun. But I still think that invulnerability would be a useful skill. Is it just a matter of being difficult to please?

155 comments:

  1. Where's the wacko?

    schizoid?

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  2. comments aren't taking on the last post.

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  3. I'd be curious as to how some of the socios that frequent this blog view people with schizoid personality disorder.

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  4. What about them? I suggested that that Williams fellow might have been schizoid, if that means anything to you.

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  5. I know i have different personality's and characters that i can play but i know that im the one projecting them i guese. Is some one with a schizoid personality disorder maybe actually think the differnt charcters or personas are of a different essence.

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  6. The Noh masks portray female or nonhuman (divine, demonic, or animal) characters. There are also Noh masks to represent youngsters or old men. On the other hand, a Noh actor who wears no mask plays a role of an adult man in his twenties, thirties, or forties. in wikipedia

    You see, if you want her to take her Noh mask, she can't play the female role.

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  7. Some Other Me said...
    Rather nice articles of late.


    agreed,....thought provoking

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  8. "Is some one with a schizoid personality disorder maybe actually think the differnt charcters or personas are of a different essence."

    That sounds like a multiple personality disorder to me.

    Schizoids are just emotionally flat..no?

    Anti-seducer? That's what I call a sociopath blocker.

    Grace

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  9. Postmodern said: "What about them?"


    I ask because I've heard a lot about the other personality/mental disorders (other sociopaths, borderlines, narcissists, auties and aspies), but I've heard nothing on schizoids. I'm merely curious.

    "I suggested that that Williams fellow might have been schizoid, if that means anything to you"

    I must have missed that reference, so, no.

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  10. Oh, I wouldn't say that women withanti-seducers (cringing at myself using this label)traits are that uncommon in non first world soceities. For example; there're lots of women within the lower economic strata in India and a few other less urbanized Asian countries that fit this description rather well. Come to think about it, the men/husbands aren't actually romeos or casanovas either. Guess you could say its a anti-seducer quid-pro-quo situation.

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  11. grace said...
    Anti-seducer? That's what I call a sociopath blocker.


    lol

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  12. Are you one of these people who thinks that because someone doesn't fall for your "charms" that something must be wrong with them?

    Maybe the person is just not interested enough in you to fall for your "charms".

    Is it just a matter of being difficult to please?

    lol, It's just a lack of interest in the seducer.

    This blog comes across as been somewhat of a people pleaser, rather than socio.

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  13. Are you one of these people who thinks that because someone doesn't fall for your "charms" that something must be wrong with them?

    I think the crux of what ME is saying is that there is some value in being vulnerable to seduction.

    It's almost an argument for the benefits of being an empath. Doesn't sound like a "empaths are weak and inferior" post to me.

    You are reading that into the post when it isn't there. Knee-jerk.

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  14. M. E. said,
    "maybe there is a benefit to being the anti-seducer -- invulnerability."

    "Sometimes I envy my friend's kryptonite qualities."

    "I still think that invulnerability would be a useful skill."

    What was difficult to comprehend about those statements?

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  15. It's almost an argument for the benefits of being an empath. Doesn't sound like a "empaths are weak and inferior" post to me.

    You are reading that into the post when it isn't there. Knee-jerk.

    Hmmm, I didn't see it as an empaths are weak and inferior post.
    Interesting that you seem to think I did though.

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  16. Maybe I should rephrase. I just don't see where you are getting that ME thinks there is something "wrong" with his friend who is invulnerable to seduction.

    Reads quite the opposite, actually. He's just pointing out a rarity, not really making much of a value judgement.

    Also, can you clarify what you mean when you say that this is a "people pleaser blog"?

    There isn't many things more annoying than when people blurt out opinions and observations without backing them up or qualifying them.

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  17. ugh here comes the grammar nazi in me.

    *"There aren't many things...."

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  18. What is Right and what is Wrong is often times dictated by perspective, save the most basic of morals.

    I find this woman intriguing. I've never met one that was immune to my charms. A bit resistant or hesitant, maybe, but certainly not immune.

    I wonder if it is a learned trait, or possibly a disorder? I've known a few very vigilant people in such regards, but certainly not immune. This greatly intrigues me.

    I also wonder if she is simply immune to affectation, not necessarily charms. As in, she may have some shell or well that no one can pierce, perhaps as M.E. was saying, a sort of invulnerability. This would be disappointing to anyone being genuine and nice to her.

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  19. I think that at this point in my life I would be immune to any sorts of charms whatsoever, though this is yet to be tested. Definitely a learned trait in my case. Or rather, a result of a trait that has been un-learned.

    I pre-mourn the loss of that special magic feeling of being seduced.

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  20. This friend remains unflappable in all circumstances, but as you can imagine, she also lives a relatively lonely, arguably sad, and perhaps soulless life.

    Assuming there is a soul, and either way, I don't see how that is relevant to her quality of life. I also don't see how her quality of life is relevant to her disposition toward seduction. Some people are simply comfortable enough with themselves that they don't require the attention or approval of others.

    As well, some people simply enjoy being solitary most of the time, myself included. Social interaction is only necessary when there's something to gain from it, which also varies between persons.

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    1. This is a very good point.

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  21. That kryptonite looks like a frog.

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  22. One in twenty-five, looks like the odds are you will be suduced again thats in your favor. I'm sure when you are least in need of having your world turned upside down. Or maybe you'll suduce them M.E. says he's suseptable to it.

    Wouldn't it be fun and for fun to play the game with a home feild advantage.

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  23. One in twenty-five, looks like the odds are you will be suduced again thats in your favor. I'm sure when you are least in need of having your world turned upside down. Or maybe you'll suduce them M.E. says he's suseptable to it.

    Wouldn't it be fun and for fun to play the game with a home feild advantage.

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  24. it can annoy/bewilder me when people don't fall for my charms, cos i am very charming really, quite endearing, it's easy for me. perhaps i am a little narcissistic after all!

    people are suspicious of charm, esp. if it's a little out of the ordinary/overblown and appears too good to be true. the intent behind it is questioned, even if it's harmless.

    yes, you can learn to not be charmed so easily. and of course it's very useful indeed. for starters, i'm not by a large percentage of people, but i'm not immune to certain people, a small minority. just depends on what they give you and if it fits your main interests in life. i think i've just stated the obvious.

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  25. Do you find it challenging when they don't fall for it or give up?

    The one I know can be very patient.

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  26. Come to think of it his patience is exactly what made me feel he was sincere. LOL

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  27. lol i'm not a socio. but no, i don't give up cos i don't try to be charming, i just can't help myself being so!

    i get what you mean about the patience thing. they invest more than anyone else and can cut it dead in a blink. and yes, of course they like the challenge, but probably only if they had an interest in you in the first place.
    haha this sounds like dating advice.

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  28. I don't know how long I could stay Kryptonite before I turn into Lois Lane.

    Wonder how much she knows about Socio's that she is immune to M.E.s charm. He still conciders her his friend.

    I love a good game of cat and mouse.

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  29. UKan B. U. KnightedOctober 23, 2010 at 8:42 AM

    She does know. I guarantee its the same friend he has his odd conversations with that he posts.
    It is good to be up front. I don't know about using the word sociopath to describe yourself, but you should givem the run down of what they should expect; this is with any relationship that you actually plan on taking serious, empathetic or not. When you give someone a load of bullocks to begin with, then what's in the dark comes tumbling into the light as time goes on.
    I think she's not interested, because she's not dependent. Sociopaths relationships are about dependencies most of the time.
    On the other hand going around telling people youre a sociopath doesn't open many doors or legs. I'm sure it takes many readers a lot of comments before figuring out we're terrible people, but not monsters.
    NotablePath I had to read your comment twice, because it intrigued me. I had to fathom whether you were being sarcastic or whether you were really serious. If I were you I would save face now by saying you're sarcastic. How could anybody turn you down? They must be crazy! They must have a disorder! Brilliant, I love it. I could see some bird at the pub throwing a pint at your face while you tell her she must have some pathology because she wasn't whisked away by your charms. I like the other one you used as well: "immune to affection". No my boy, she's immune to your affection. Finally the last laugh: she's invulnerable! Ha! Ha! Ha! She's invulnerable because if you couldn't shag her, nobody else could. Its great I love it. You win the muppet award.

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  30. I saw Solitary Man this morning, was really interesting, not a comedy really. Did anyone think it was?

    Very insightful I would think to everyone here.

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  31. Ok..I need to be an anti seducer tomorrow. the ex is meeting me to pay me the money he owes me. If he starts to bring on the charm, which he already has with the text, I need to have a plan so that I can protect myself without smashing his face in. I told him to meet me at the diner..public place..andy my respose had the tone of a robot..so I'm good there. I just have to take the money and run. Feedback would be welcomed. Thanks peeps. Where are the girls right now..crap!

    Grace

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  32. what gets me is that he wants to see me to give it me...he could just mail it to me. He could get his ex wife to pay me like we planned..don't know. Maybe I could get revenge!! I could screw with his head for fun. I do know how to do that. I think. My adrenaline it up there.

    Grace

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  33. Write down all the bad things you can remember and read them over.
    Write down every betrayal and read them over.
    Don't question him with why, he'll turn on the charm or little boy ACT and you'll fall into it.

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  34. Thank you. I have no intentions of confronting him with the past. It serves no purpose for me. If I start to act up he may just turn around and leave without paying me. I will just be cool about it, get the money and tell him my son is waiting for me. I'm not sure what will happen after he leaves..he will go right to work. Maybe nothing will and I will never hear from him again. But I have a feeling that there is something going on in his head. We'll shall see. I will have a brandy and a bass before I meet him.

    Grace

    Grace

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  35. How do you guys fall for this shit all the time? Why did you go to a diner? Go to coffee. Your not there for a full course meal. Get a iced mocha so you can drink it fast and get the money up front before he can give his explanations. If he doesn't oblige than get up and walk out, and say "you never had the money your just talk as usual". At which point if he has the money he will give it to you for you to talk to him so he can pursuade you. Its a investment. If he doesn't then save yourself the hassle, he doesn't have the money. If he gives it to you tell him thank you, but that's what you owe me and I don't owe you any explanations." And leave. You don't have to talk to him, and frankly being polite to someone that owes you money is weak. They should be paying you points and you should be making them suffer until they are square on the payments.

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  36. Maybe try this?

    If you feel some emotions welling up in his presence, distance yourself from them. Like they are merely curious objects separate from yourself.

    You can ponder, study and feel them at close range later.

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  37. Oh, and I recommend NOT drinking beforehand! Bad idea.

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  38. you need to be kryptonite, you read the blog, don't fall prey, wear a mask of the strongest person you can congure up.
    Theres no reson to believe that he's not bored and looking for the conquest! One more sucker who caved in.
    You do not need instant gratification, you need to be in control
    Just think what you will have to tell everyone.Remember we're all routing for you.

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  39. Grace, is it possible to take your son along and say the sitter bailed at the last minute. Kids are natural cock-blockers.

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  40. What do want?
    Revenge?
    Or to even the score?

    Think how will you know you have accomplished it?

    Do what you can live with. Search yourself.
    Please don' think of his needs, you really don't know what they are.\
    Think of your self.
    And detail tomorrow.
    The saga continues, reality TV.do you think anyone would watch? Personally I do.

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  41. grace, lots of great advice above. here's my two cents.. be sure to eat dinner at home before you meet him at the diner and just order a coffee when you're there. i agree with medusa, no alcohol, before or during.

    don't dress for him. if there is an outfit he didn't like, wear that. do your makeup and hair differently. it will look like you moved on.

    let him do the talking. be sure to count to 5 slowly to yourself, each time, before you say anything to him. it will give you time to think, and no matter what emotion is showing on your face, his having to wait is to your advantage. he may be able to read what's on your face, but not everything in your mind.

    give it about ten minutes after the coffee arrives, then tell him you'd love to stay and catch up but you have to meet george. don't explain who george is. just stare at him expectantly, at this point he should produce the money. if he doesn't, ask him nicely for it as you start to collect your things and get up.

    as UKan pointed out, don't wait all night for the money, or for his cue that the "date" has ended. get the money, thank him, say goodnight, get up and leave.

    good luck.

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  42. give it about ten minutes after the coffee arrives, then tell him you'd love to stay and catch up but you have to meet george.

    I'd just say to say that you have to meet someone. Or be somewhere. And leave it at that. If you are specific about names or gender it might look manipulative, or like you want a (jealous) response.

    Otherwise, good stuff.

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  43. Yes, I agree with Medusa. I think saying you're meeting a guy will seem kind of contrived. If you were going to meet a guy afterward, you probably really wouldn't say you were.

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  44. you both have a point. but what if there really was a george? i've found fictitious boyfriends to be quite useful. guys will back down and they don't feel rejected.

    then again, i wanted nothing from them. if the ex is trying to worm his way back into her life, he might not give back the money if he learns there is another guy in the picture and there is nothing in it for him. ignore my bad advice grace!

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  45. lol@Aerianne ironically acting like a sociopath; using her child as a method of manipulation and further self-interest. Don't take that offensively, I can understand fighting "fire" with "fire".

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  46. No, 2, there is nothing socio-like in my thinking about this. The child is not a means of manipulation. The child is a focus for her and a distraction and cock-block for the ex if he attempts to manipulate or seduce her. Her son's presence would keep her focused on who is really important in her life. Further self-interest? Yeah, I suppose. She wants her money from the ex. That's money she can spend on her son.

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  47. Thanks everyone. He texted me back and switched it to a place where he can pull his truck into..he drives a truck long distance during the week. So I told him the bookstore..there's a big lot in the back. I study there once in a while so I asked my study buddy to meet me there. She's cool so I'll have someone there with me. I agree with UK this is an investment for him. But he knows he needs to let it grow on me first. He will begin his courtship while he’s on the road via texting. I just won’t respond…he’ll get the picture. I won’t drink or dress up.
    I’m tempted to dress up though!!! Not for any other reason other than to make him crazy. But I guess there ‘s no reason for that.

    You never know…there is a possibility he just wants to pay me back…6 months later. What am I saying?! It doesn’t matter though does it….I’m just interested in the money. I wonder how much he’ll give me…I’m not going to argue I’ll just take what he gives me. I’ll keep you guys posted. Thanks again for the support. Thank you UK…for being honest.

    Grace

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  48. Yes Aerianne I would agree that my son would keep me focused. The problem is that my son has met him before and they went out together bowling..I don't want my son to think about this man because it will confuse him. My son is used to his father and some other family members. I don't want him exposed to other men right now. But yes that would be a good idea. It's sure would work too..lol.


    Grace

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  49. I see, Grace. I didn't know if your son could take it casually or not.

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  50. He may at the time but it will come out later. Plus he will talk to my ex husband about it. "Mommy met so and so" I don't need the questions from anyone. I only told you guys and my study buddy.

    Grace

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  51. Okay, Grace. Don't get out of the car; especially if you're friend is not with you.

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  52. *your

    I say that not so much that I think he would hurt you, but because if he wants that hug it could start up things you may not want started up.

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  53. If he wants to pay you back he would wire it. Get a cold frap and sit in starbucks so u can drink fast. The maximum conversation you can have with that is ten minutes. My girl had a loser boyfriend like that. She told me he would pay her back to get her back and steal more money. You got to play the game. You get that money up front making it seem its a prelude to a conversation, and leave. What can he do? Your in a public spot and he owes you. Being nice doesn't work. Get your money. Otherwise your just another mark and believe me with the time you've spent here you will earn no sympathy if you get fooled.

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  54. I got it UK. Nothing will happen believe me. I'll get the money first thing. He's not going to try anything on the spot but giving me the money is a begining for him. All I'm interested in is the money..a grand. You're right, he could have wired it, got a money order or asked his ex wife for a check. I know what's going on. He just surprised me with this. I'm sure he knows that too. He hasn't communicated with me for six months because he didn't have the money. Now that he does, he is using it as a catalyst. I got his game. I'm ready for it but I have to relax too or I'll screw up. I'm already wired up and I can tell I won't be able to study. So I'm going to the shopping mall to get my son's Halloween costum together. He's going to be a punk rocker skateboard dude. That will keep me focused. I'm going to use the money for an ipad and a game system for my son at Christmas.


    But it's all going to be very simple and quick. Like I said it is possible he just wants to pay me back and nothing more. He said last night he couldn't chat cause he was going out. As if I wanted to chat with him..right. He probably stayed home playing with his guns.

    Grace

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  55. m.e. wrote...
    This friend remains unflappable in all circumstances, but as you can imagine, she also lives a relatively lonely, arguably sad, and perhaps soulless life. ....But I still think that invulnerability would be a useful skill. Is it just a matter of being difficult to please?


    maybe she can be seduced by passions that don't involve people? like a scientist seduced by a new possibility or an artist by a beautiful landscape. some of the greatest minds lived relatively lonely and arguably sad lives. i envy their freedom from others.

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  56. Maybe she finds dealing with other humans on a emotional level to be disapointing and her peace comes from with-in herself. I find alot of people to be just plain not worth the trouble.

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  57. Well....let me see. He didn't show.lol
    So I texted him asking what time he would be there and I didn't get a response. Then I texted again a while later saying...maybe you can't come..open ended kind of thing. He responded a few minutes later with the story that he fell asleep and now he has to rush to get ready for work because he leaves for work at 9 pm and didn't wake up in time. He lives far from me so if it's true he wouldn't have enough time. Who knows...it might be true might not. He did apologize quite a few times, that's unusual for him, and said he would make sure he gets it to me next weekend. I responded with it's ok and to please make sure it happens then. He said he was sorry again and that he would text me on Friday to tell me when he could meet me. So I don't know what else to say. I wasn't nice or upset..no reaction other than to please get it to me over the next weekend. He said thanks for understanding and he will plan it better for next week. That's it.

    I can't imagine that he would be bullshiting me about paying me. I mean he initiated this whole thing and he could just have continued ignoring me like he has been doing. So he must want to get it to me. I couldn't say anything more to him about it because I want to get paid and if I piss him off I'm afraid he might retract. I was also thinking he’s trying to get back at me for that night I forgot to met him for a you know what…remember I told you? I don’t know what to make of it….it might be true and because I don’t trust one cell in his body I can’t be sure. He changes from day to day.

    Grace

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  58. Damn, Grace. I had a feeling he might not show. I guess if he doesn't follow through next weekend then you could suggest he wire it or send a check or something since it's been difficult to do in person.
    Do you think his ex is needling him to pay you back and that it's more him trying to get her off his back than it is him actually wanting to pay you?

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  59. Could be Aerianne. I don't care how he gets the motivation to pay me. That's an interesting thought. If she thinks he paid me..she will text me to find out..she trusts nothing with him.

    I will ask him to wire it. Or I will send my army friend up there to get it..he'll do it in a heartbeat. He already offered to help me. We'll see what comes of it. Thank you Aerianne.

    Grace

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  60. Grace, I'm just halfway afraid it's going to be several weeks of this missing the connection and then a sob story from him about an emergency that he had to spend it on. Then he will look like he had good intentions even if he never had the money to begin with.

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  61. I can't imagine that he would be bullshiting me about paying me. I mean he initiated this whole thing and he could just have continued ignoring me like he has been doing. So he must want to get it to me.

    not enough to lose sleep over, apparently. i think he's stringing you along, grace. he either wants to worm his way back into your life, and/or needs more money. be prepared for a hard luck story.

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  62. I did say..please don't spend it on anything..he said he wouldn't that he has it in an envelope with my name on it. Not that it means he won't do it. There are so many ways this could go down. I will have to figure it out as it goes on. You know for a long time I didn't think I would ever see the money and I was doing fine. Well not fine but I was accepting it. Why would he start this up if he had no intentions of paying me? Because I don't think he's interested in me as a love object anymore. He might be interested in hurting me though. I'll have to watch..it's a grand so I want to try and get it. If I didn't need it I'd tell him to keep it and use towards a psych ward visit. He got bit by a tic a few months before being with me. I wonder if his brain is being eaten up by an infection. I'm serious.

    Grace

    Grace

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  63. Zoe...he has a better chance of hitting the lottery before getting a dime from me. Don't even go there. Plus he knows I don't have any money..he used by cc. He knows I cut them up. He may want to crash at my apt though..that might be..he lives with his ex wife because of money trouble. He hates it there. But I can't think of any other reason.

    Grace

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  64. I still think there's a possibility that he's trying to appease the ex-wife with this.

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  65. That works for me Aerianne. She was trying to pay me but she could never get the money together. They have so many money problems it's a sin. In his text the other night he said he didn't want me to think he doesn't care for me. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT ONE? I didn't respond to that. What a nut head. I wonder if he comes on here...if you're out there meatball..GET ME MY FUCKIN MONEY.


    Grace

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  66. I mean it like this, Grace. If he's crashing with her, she may be like, look you need to at least pay Grace back. Large-scale creditors are not personal, or those debts even conquerable; but getting him to pay you may be her way of having him do something that she thinks proves he isn't totally worthless and unworthy to be crashing at her house. Plus, she may just like to push his buttons that way.
    I'm not claiming to be psychic or anything, but I've seen a lot of this game playing with my former boyfriend and his wife.
    I hope I'm wrong. I hope you get your money next weekend.

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  67. he must be very good looking.

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  68. Lol, Zoe. Why exactly do you say that?

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  69. Sound to me like he was just looking for attention, or some kind of ego-boost, and is testing you to see if he can get it from you.

    New problems at home, probably, or with whoever he's dating. Telling you he wants to give you your money is the easiest way for him to get to you.

    Maybe he sensed you weren't going to give him the attention he expected, so he's thinking giving the money back to you isn't worth it. Or he's waiting and hoping for you to give a sign that he still has power over you. Once you do, watch him disappear into the wind again.

    My ex always "accidentally fell asleep" at very convenient times, like in the middle of an intense conversation, or when he knew I knew he did something stupid and didn't want to deal. Like he was some sorta fucking narcoleptic. He was conveniently "sick" all the time, too. Though I think half the time he really was, but mostly mentally so. Panic attacks or whatnot.

    Who knows, though, as none of us knows this guy or your relationship to him. He could be sincere about trying to be a good person and return your money.

    But the signs say he's playing with you.

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  70. It's a bit odd that you're all so intent on attaching sinister motives to a basically benign mistake. While he certainly may have planned it, it's equally likely that he just slept in. Things happen. There's no pervasive pattern that can be gleaned from this one act, and past actions are not enough to write off the high likelihood of coincidence in this case. As Ian Fleming would say "Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action."

    Be wary of actual signs, but don't let yourself fall into wild speculation. It weakens your position and makes it that much easier for him to manipulate you if he chooses to.

    Allowing yourself to become emotionally or intellectually unbalanced (that is, off balance, not insane) over a perceived slight with so little justification isn't doing you any favors.

    As you say, if you can't arrange a meeting, you can just have him wire or mail it. Leave it at that, relax, and be content with the fact that you can't lose, all things considered.

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    Replies
    1. I like this...
      As Ian Fleming would say "Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action."

      Delete
  71. You might be right, PMS, but you know how it goes. Once, twice burned, and the paranoia becomes justified.

    Just like with the troll/username stuff that goes on around here.

    The fact that Grace is even on this site signifies that this dude does not deserve the benefit of the doubt. Even if he is acting innocently. This is what he gets for acting like a fool in the past.

    I do agree though, that one should be wary about becoming overly defensive and wrapped up about stuff like this, as it does signify that this dude does still have power over her in some way.

    ReplyDelete
  72. You might be right, PMS, but you know how it goes. Once, twice burned, and the paranoia becomes justified.

    Just like with the troll/username stuff that goes on around here.

    The fact that Grace is even on this site signifies that this dude does not deserve the benefit of the doubt. Even if he is acting innocently. This is what he gets for acting like a fool in the past.

    I do agree though, that one should be wary about becoming overly defensive and wrapped up about stuff like this, as it does signify that this dude does still have power over her in some way.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Sorry about the 3rd person talk, Grace.

    ReplyDelete
  74. I certainly understand your reasoning, Medusa (et al.), and your last sentence really underscores the point I was making quite nicely.

    As for the benefit of the doubt, certainly don't let him slide, but I'll reiterate that this should really be the last you think of it. You already know he's a dick in practice, so one more dickish act, intentional or not, shouldn't really seem like news. Just get your money and be done, by hook or by crook.

    ReplyDelete
  75. it's a bit odd that you're all so intent on attaching sinister motives to a basically benign mistake. While he certainly may have planned it, it's equally likely that he just slept in.

    Just a personal opinion. That statement did strike a little chord though. When a group of girl/female comrades get together to talk about a guy whom one of them has a bad experience with, things does seems to swing towards a bit of a "witchhunt" for lack of a better word. Or should it be "warlock hunt"?

    ReplyDelete
  76. No witch hunt happening here, my friend. No one is advocating running anyone down or burning them at the stake. No revenge and no punishment.

    Only protection and personal safety.

    This is about Grace, not her ex.

    You're really fond of pulling things out of thin air, eh? Do you hate women?

    ReplyDelete
  77. If her ex was on here instead, I'm quite sure he'd get some good advice as well, unless he was a troll or an idiot.

    ReplyDelete
  78. On second thought, thinking back to yesterday, even the trolls get good advice.

    ReplyDelete
  79. I don't think he would come on here Medusa. He doesn't think he's a sociopath. All his problems are because of other people. That's his weakness. He has no real power in life, blaming others for his misery. Just like I can't blame him for mine...I'm not miserable though.

    He could have screwed up by mistake. His job doesn't allow him to sleep regular hours so sleeping on a Sunday night is understandable. But because of his history, I'm suspicious. Then again, he could just be checking me out to see if my texts have a sweetheart tone but they didn't. Dry and short responses. I don't know how to respond to him. If he thinks I want love from him he may get scared, if he thinks I'm going to bring up the past he may get scared. So without know his motives, I can't go with the flow of him. The only thing I said to him that was warm was drive safe when I said goodbye. That was it. He'll probably crash and my money will be air born down the east coast. I will just have to wait it out and see what happens next. I'm not going to text him though..tell you that for sure. NO way. If I get the money back it's because he organizes it himself. Not chasing him. I can't do that because that's the stuff that will make me upset. This isn't too surprising to me weather he's goofin around or real.

    He changes from day to day..so sat night he sounded excited but last night not even. Maybe cause of work. Or maybe his date, which I don't know if that really took place, was uglier than he origianlly thought. So many variables. We'll see.

    Thank you guys for the support. Check you guys out later.

    Grace.

    ReplyDelete
  80. I know, I know.... Just checking the integrity of the old social dynamics here from time to time. It was as I did mention, just a small little chord. So no, I don't hate you Medusa. Unlikely as you may think, I do appreciate some of the posts and help you have shared here.Just sometimes I wish you'd be a little less literally intense and let the occasional dumbness & idiocy corrupt the pristine-ness of your intellect.

    ReplyDelete
  81. why, gag? is the pristine-ness of medusa's intellect intimidating?

    how about some pristine idiocy? i would be happy to oblige.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Aerianne said...
    Lol, Zoe. Why exactly do you say that?


    i am picturing a very pretty sleepy looking guy with puppy eyes, always pleasant, who you just want to feed and pet, and who is very lazy, and happy with whatever comes his way, and just likes to eat and be taken care of. we are suckers for that.

    there was a guy like that who did odd jobs in my neighbourhood. he was so pretty. we couldn't believe how pretty he was. but he was absolutely useless. but the puppy eyes made you not care. he was more man-child than man.

    he had an ex and would go home to her once a week to get fed. they had a child and i'm sure she did it partly to keep him in the child's life, but he was so much like a wayward child himself that instinct may have compelled her to keep an eye on him and be sure he had a good meal at least once a week.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Just sometimes I wish you'd be a little less literally intense and let the occasional dumbness & idiocy corrupt the pristine-ness of your intellect.

    I actually love that you said this. I literally laughed out loud.

    What, muppet videos not good enough?

    ReplyDelete
  84. Pristine-idiocy! lol! Isn't that a contradiction of terms? Thats my girl Medusa...There's hope yet for you.

    ReplyDelete
  85. how did this blog turn into an advice column for the inept?

    ReplyDelete
  86. M. E. is certainly capable of removing any replies and any posters that are no wanted on this blog; but it's really amusing how many other people try to take ownership of it.

    ReplyDelete
  87. I met someone who actually had this book open on his nightstand. Very funny.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Captivated by the drama ;)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhzoyaVGcIc

    ReplyDelete
  89. schizoids and psychopaths are cryptonite
    aspies are eazy once you addept
    real autists hard

    ReplyDelete
  90. Poor M.E., projecting all over the place like that.

    Seems someone got beat at their own game.

    ReplyDelete
  91. I can't believe that M.E. hasn't know genuine love from at least
    one person in her life. It is true that it is difficult to truly love
    because it requires self sacrifice, self revelation, courage and a
    willingness to suffer pain. You may never get these qualities from a
    fallible human being, but you CAN get them from God. Repeat after me:
    "Jesus, I know I'm a sinner and I've been estranged
    from You. I'm sorry for my sins. I want to be back in
    your good graces. I hereby hand my life over to
    You to do whatever you want with it. I confess with
    my mouth that You are the Son of God, and believe
    in my heart that God raised You from the dead.
    From this day forward, I ask you to guide my life.
    Amen."

    That's all you have to do M.E. You seek first "The Kingdom of God.
    That's werein authentic love resides even if man dissapoints you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. why do you think psychopaths are bi they don't care about a person they care about what they can get out of them (sex money place to stay status entertainment etc) and they'll go everywhere to get it
      lack of empathy makes everyone boring when the novelty wears off

      Delete
  92. you have to forget yourself to be sucsefull

    ReplyDelete
  93. When we have the capacity to be seduced it means we still have the capacity for hope. Something about the seducer invokes delight and we hope that continued interaction will bring continued delight.
    Someone who can not be seduced has no capacity for hope in anything beyond themselves. Seems like a bleak existence. Who cares if you are invulnerable if you can't escape nihilistic despair?

    ReplyDelete
  94. ".Shoot me down, but I'm a bomb, I am titanium!"
    Has any-one heard this song and the lyrics: Titanium.
    Love this song. I'd post the lyrics, but I'm going out of town right now.

    This song reminds me how resilient and strong I'm becoming. I'm so tired of allowing people to fuck with me. I'm becoming immune!

    ReplyDelete
  95. How do you have buttons if you don't have insecurities? Not meaning any offense, just curious.

    ReplyDelete

  96. I dont think that most people realize that being seduced is a choice. The minute that realization occurs, kryptonite cells begin to form.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Trolls of SW!

    Been wanting to send my psychopath ex some links from sociopath world. I think they would help him understand himself. I don't think he would necessarily change his pattern, but for some reason, I want him to know about sociopathy. Should I contact him?

    Pet

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Find out why you care before you do anything so impulsive and full of enthusiasm.
      You sound like you want to have an excuse to reconnect.is that what you want?

      Delete
    2. Hey, thanks for your response. I DO NOT want to reconnect. He is one sadistic SOB. I just think - or, more precisely feel - that self-knowledge brings power. I think knowing himself would give him power (not that he really needs more power over other people. he could use some over himself). He is not a self-reflective person. And no matter what he's done to me, I would like him to lead the best life he can.

      There's probably some self-congratulation mixed in with my motives. "I know you're a sociopath, and I want you to know that I know." That by itself doesn't motivate me, however.

      Pet

      Delete
    3. Ok I get that..you care about him. You care about him in an utterly altruistic way, or you would, indeed, like a sort of friendship with him?

      Delete
    4. It's hard to have a friendship with someone who despises you. Not that he feels very strongly about me or anyone. What he does feel is a bit of disgust that I'm such a rule-bound and religious person. He gets a lot of satisfaction out of making me feel bad about myself. That's the extent of his "feelings" towards me.

      As to whether or not I would want to be friends with him... I don't need him. He's not nearly as smart as he thinks he is, and he doesn't appear to have a personality. If he could be honest about himself, then I might consider talking with him now and again. Psychopaths do, after all, have a different perspective, and I'd enjoy learning about that perspective. But he's not going to be honest with me because he doesn't respect me.

      Goes without saying that these are all assumptions on my part, reasoned from his behavior towards me in the past.

      Delete
    5. So there is a hope.... seeing whether or not he will or will not take his mask off with you now and then..show you his thought process...as if you are doing research.

      Delete
    6. Yes! Got to get used to the idea that he won't.

      But I'd still want to send him the links, even if he didn't respond and ignored me completely. In fact, that's what I would rather happen, so I don't get pulled into the crazy drama again.

      Delete
    7. I see, a parting gift.
      Do you care whether or not he knows those links were sent by you?

      Have you ever been on the receving end of a gift given by someone who thought that YOU
      "needed" it.





      I notbtrying to burst y8ur bubble,, I just

      Also, how will you know if he reads them and/or gets self reflection gift out of reading them, or will you long to know?


      Delete
    8. Good questions. I have been on the receiving end, as you say. It felt unnecessarily dramatic, but in the end the info really helped me. Yes, we do-gooders often piss people off :)

      Good point about wanting to know whether he'd read them. I'd be curious, certainly. I'm wondering if sending the email will give me the "closure" I need. It's like I need to say this one last thing to him. Selfish, I know.

      He might read them. He'd take note if the info posed a challenge to him. He usually needs a challenge, and he's already seduced most of the girls he knows.

      You don't have to keep responding if you're bored (obviously). You're questions are really helping me, so thank you.

      Delete

    9. Your job is to know yourself, know your limitations, be good to your own self, first and foremost.

      I do not understand altruism for altruism sake, but you are helping me try to see myself, so thank YOU. Maybe I am just a do gooder. I dont really know.
      I might be bored, but i AM avoiding my chores lol.

      You dont seem dumb or terribly impulsive, but if you still find yourself unsure, here is my advice ....Do nothing. Do nothing not until you have gone through each and every possible scenario in your mind, have felt each and every emotion with every scenario, and if you find yourself romanticizing, take note.

      Delete
    10. I think if I was a person highly altruistic that I might be the type to ask myself if the receiver of my altruism might "Pay it forward". Just a thought

      Ok have good day.

      Delete
    11. That is great advice. Truly. Thank you.

      Delete
    12. Why the fuck would you want your sadistic EX to have more power?! Thats the dumbest fucken thing ive read on this thread (so far).

      Delete
    13. Trying to young it up around here, so quit calling the idealistic kids dumb, ya embittered regular.


      Delete
    14. Thanks, Anon 11:21 :)

      Anon 8:06 - Here's a practical example of why my ex might benefit. My ex isn't getting any gigs anymore in our town because he's pissed off so many people. He's really talented. Maybe if he understood himself better he would be able to control his impulses better.

      Also, ME's post today spoke to me, as well. My ex seems to think if he finds the perfect woman, he will be like everyone else (although he's probably getting a glimmer that this can't happen). Why not accept himself for who he is and stop trying to make women his quick fix? Again, he'll still be a destructive person, but maybe he'll contribute more to society through his work and that might bring him peace. I dunno. I'm not him.

      Me suggesting this diagnosis and therapy to him is like letting him know that vegetables exist and they might be good for his health, rather than force-feeding him the vegetables. Maka da sense?

      Pet

      Delete
    15. Another thing. As to why I care what the heck happens to him - it just seems to be in my nature. Society tells sociopaths that they should feel guilty when they hurt people. The socio response is, "I know I should care, but I just really don't." Similarly, uber-empaths think, "I know I shouldn't care, but I just do." It's nature. Sorry if that's not satisfying.

      Blah blah self-knowledge blah blah...

      Pet

      Delete
    16. The Internet can be a big place.

      Before posting on the Internet, there are a few important points to keep in mind.

      First off, ask yourself this important question:

      "Would anyone actually give a flying fuck if they were to somehow happen upon this post?"

      If the answer is "no", or "I don't know", it's best to stop posting, the Internet is not for everyone.

      You too can do your part to help make the Internet a better, more enjoyable environment.

      Delete
    17. I dont understand what you're trying to say.

      Delete
    18. It sounds like anon 6:41 ie trying to give amon 6:12 sound advice, except anon 6:41 wont be specific for some reason. It's too bad because 6:41 sounds smart and I would like to hear which posts or comments it seems they think may be irresponsible. I do hope that he/she will get specific :)

      Delete
    19. someone gave a flying fuck cause they responded to the original question duuuurrrpppppp

      Delete
    20. "i don't care." not the same as "no one cares." duuuurrppp

      Delete
    21. don't be total fucking idiot, and you too can make the internet a better place duuuuurrppp

      Delete
  98. i think i like the seduction, keeps it alive, zesty. but commitment, openness and trust are good attributes to abide in. playing together, and abiding by the rules is good. i lean towards being hyper-sexual (always have SO says).

    haha. fun, rules, seduction, yumz!
    a relationship is more than all that shit too. theres so much chapters in a relationship. so much to explore, and to evolve in. its one big novel. i like to be seduced in everything. my new fetish is at the grocers. and then it will change to something else. the ideas are endless... he shakes his head..he's more mellow. but i know he loves hearing that shit.

    ReplyDelete
  99. I like coming here for a laugh.

    All the whores seem to magically turn to hags and old crones on here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What you witness here is rebirth of feminism and strong soft sex appeal. You, sir, are the weakest link. Goodbye.


      Delete
    2. Take your pills, old woman.

      Delete


    3. in my thirties gramps. age has absolutely nothing to with sex appeal and chemistry. take your viagra you old boring man and go fuck a whore.

      Delete
    4. Penis pump is aaaall I need baby.
      C'mere sweetheart and help me put it on with your mouth.

      Delete
    5. Just because my erect penis is like an overcooked piece of ziti doesnt mean im ...oh shit I just pissed myself.

      Delete
    6. no thank you, i'd rather eat a sandwhich. ;)

      Delete
  100. Malcom gladwell is interviewed on 60 mnutes tonight

    ReplyDelete
  101. I laugh at you world, and play with you people these days. In the scheme of things I use people like puppets these days. What power comes from this ignorence of the little insects that they call empaths. M.E., this is still the best blog, you rock!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You sound silly and sad. Such an empathy soul.

      Delete
    2. CORRECTION: You sound silly and sad. Such an EMPTY soul.

      Delete
  102. I watched that interview, it reminds me of the quote
    "genius is not the ability to think outside the box, but realising that there is no box"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then why do they put all those boxes in the seeing pattern section of the mensa test book?

      Delete
    2. There has to be some indicator.

      Delete
  103. My name is Angelica. I want to testify the great work of Dr.Zack Balo for helping me to get my Ex boyfriend and my job back.I thank Dr.Zack Balo for helping me to recover all what i have lost before back,this is why I said I must tell the whole world, what he did for me is real, if you need his help you can contact him via wiseindividualspell@gmail.com.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Anyone who views him or herself as invulnerable is a fool.
    Even sociopaths have blind spots.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Anti-seducers... I am one. I can't speak for every anti-seducer out there, but as for me, I have a lot of sociopathic qualities myself. I just happen to feel remorse, occasionally and in very specific circumstances.

    I just don't care. I guess it would be fun to be seduced, but I have a very strong sense of self that cannot be easily manipulated. It has happened, but that was when I was a teen.

    I guess I just don't need anything else to supplement my life. I don't like manipulating people because I don't see a purpose, and I rarely get manipulated because I don't see others as having anything to offer.

    I just... don't care. I have sociopath friends. I can tell when they are trying to appeal to my emotions, but depending on the situation, I go along with it just because I don't want them finding out how much I don't care myself...

    That's just me. Take what you want from it.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Adding to that last comment:

    If I were to actually manipulate someone, I would feel wrong about it. I would not, however, be hurt for too long by finding out someone manipulated me.

    Both my sociopath friend and I agree that I am not a sociopath. Just to clear that up.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Why would you wanna manipulate people?

    ReplyDelete
  108. I am an anti-seducer. While the anti seducer from comment above just don't care, I tend to seek to relate with the real unmasked self instead of the fake/masked self, but was usually disappointed (but accepting) because most people, empaths or sociopaths, hide behind multiple layer of masks. Most empaths are usually not conscious with their masks unlike sociopaths who try to consciously utilize the fake mask to manipulate. The reason a sociopath can't manipulate an anti-seducer is because we, anti seducers, can see the fakeness behind your manipulation, and not enjoying the fake game play (or drama), we usually become disinterested with your easily recognize move. Don't know about the above "just don;t care" anti seducer, but we anti seducers who care typically want to interact with genuine people for deeper connection or intimacy. and dislike interacting with the superficial fake mask most people wear. That's why we seem to be loners to you.

    People who walk the spiritual path of "know thyself" will sooner or later become non-seducable when they're already capable of recognizing much fakeness in their own selves and discard it. The more one walks in the "know thyself" path, the more one realize most people are "asleep" or ":dead". It's the "let the dead buried the dead" (Matthew 8:22) kind of walking zombies of which most typical Christians may not understand the meaning. Study the Gurdjieff material like the "In search of the Miraculous" by Ouspensky if interested with the process (know thyself path) which makes one an anti-seducer.

    ReplyDelete

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