Thursday, February 7, 2013

Manifesto of a non-monster

This is from a self-identified sociopath reader wanting to correct some of the misconceptions of sociopaths:


I am a sociopath.
I am drawn to power, yes, because it fills the void.
I do not inwardly comply with society's social rules, laws or ideas of right and wrong. I do not live by any other human being's moral code, I have created my own that suits me to perfection. I comply with society outwardly only when it is useful; my 'mask'.
I believe that all sociopaths cannot be thrown into a simple category, each sociopath is an individual. I believe there are different levels of sociopathy, and that it can be cultivated and developed to help or hinder both other people in the sociopath's life and the sociopath. The right recipe is excellent, the wrong recipe is a disaster. 
That said, I believe many 'normal' people label every vagrant that displeases or harms them a sociopath. Is sociopathy more common than we thought in the past? Yes. Is it that common? No. 
This gives the average person the impression that every sociopath is a ruthless monster with no good intention or remotely safe and healthy motive whatsoever.
Am I selfish? Yes. I want what I want, and will not deny myself what I want unless it goes against the code I have created for myself.
Am I dishonest? If I feel that I must lie--that it is necessary--then I will. I lie to keep up the mask for my own survival and enjoyment. 
Do I have dark impulses, thoughts and desires? Absolutely. Do I give in to them? Only when it doesn't go against the code I've created.
Do I have the desire to 'destroy' an innocent person just for the fun of it? I love to destroy someone, it is a fun game to play and I love games, but I would never seek to destroy or harm someone unless they were an enemy of mine or someone I did not respect.
Am I addicted to drugs, alcohol or promiscuous sex? I do not respect an addict because I view addiction as weakness, which I detest. I have no addiction.
Am I cold or frigid in bed? I enjoy sex. It is an expression of freedom, where I can enjoy my body and get closer to someone I respect. I am open and responsive in the bedroom. However, I am incredibly picky until I have chosen the one I wish to sleep with, which is the reason I have been in the same relationship for 5 years now. I have chosen.
Do I cheat on my significant other? I have been entirely faithful, from the first day to now. I do not lie to him or steal from him either because I respect him. He knows that I am a sociopath. 
Do I steal? Absolutely not. Unless I was hurting badly for money, I would not steal because if I were caught the reputation I have worked to create and uphold would be obliterated or tarnished.
And I have never harmed an animal, I'm vegetarian in fact. I despise anyone who harms an innocent and defenseless animal. It is the humans that disgust me; animals are driven by instinct.  Man has reason, and still continues in his repugnant ways. 

Not every monster is a sociopath, not every sociopath is a monster.

122 comments:

  1. This has got to be M.E.'s biggest troll hahaha

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  2. I don't get it. What makes her identify herself as a sociopath? The fact that she's craving power, has dark impulses and enjoys games?

    I've killed animals, cheated, played seduction games even when in a committed relationship, manipulated, set out to hurt people who haven't really wronged me and am a pathological liar. And I'm apparently not a sociopath.

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    1. Aw, did you want a cute little label to go with that?

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    2. Aw, trying hard to be funny.
      No you dumbass. I'm a normal person, just not the nicest one. I'm asking what makes her think she is one, not asking why she gets a label and not me.

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    3. You seem... agitated.

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    4. Huh? Where did you get that from? Me calling you dumbass?

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    5. I think the important part you missed is how she feels sociopathy is individual for every sociopath.

      To which I must say has to be true. Dutton many times during his research for Wisdom of Psychopaths confirmed, that treating psychopathy as a spectrum rather than one dimensional condidion is the right way to go.

      Also, what was mentioned in the post, that she created her own code: it's reasonable to create your own code when your brain feels literally NO remorse. It isn't created to help others, it's created to help yourself, but so it happens, that the social puropuse of the code also helps those around you. Isn't it the "High functioning sociopath" everyone is speaking of?

      One last thing i want to point out is being vegetarian as a disgust for harming innocent and defenseless animals. I assume is similar to my disgust to no-challenge-no-game situation. Let's say I am attracted to someone, I would put my game on her, but if the game goes too easy, gives no challenge, it's an automatic turn off for me. Defenseless and innocent are hardly any challenge.

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    6. Oh, great, it's this again...

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    7. Don't you think everyone has to have a code because you want to kill people and destroy things, often. I do.

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  3. Replies
    1. Good morning Rich.
      Any thoughts on today's post?

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    2. Yes I have a couple..... She dosent sound like the "typical" sociopath, but as she points out all socioipaths are different and have different degrees of the disorder.

      When she says she has a "code" to me that basically means she has a conscience..... Which not all sociopaths have, I think most dont actually. It sounds like her "code" is really jusat a different name for her conscience.

      Plus she has been in a FIVE YEAR RELATIONSHIP?!?!?!? That is almost unheard of in sociopaths/psychopaths..... They either usually get bored or hurt the other person, or the other person dosent put up with them and leaves them because when you are an empath, its very hard to date a sociopath.....

      To me she sounds like a very "light" sociopath, her behaviors that she describes are common amongst most people. I dont even know if she would be diagnosed if she saw a psychologist/psychiatrist.......

      What are your thoughts on todays post?

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    3. I agree that she is a "light" sociopath, Rich. She definitely has some sociopathic tendencies

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    4. A lot of it I didn't really identify with though... I think females are different

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    5. She could be one of the more intelligent ones.

      Your less intelligent psychopath would probably have to learn through trial and error alone, that they will need to put some restraint on their impulses as to avoid difficulties.

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    6. That five year long relationship seems highly unlikely for a psychopath, but it's probably not entirely impossible.

      Who knows.

      Perhaps her significant other keeps her around on a leash.

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    7. Haha yeah. I can't imagine myself being in a relationship that long

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    8. Good Morning Rich!

      Been a little while. Hope you are doing well.

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    9. So do you think you have to be a 'Light Sociopath' to be highly functioning?

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    10. Yeah M.Brig, she didnt have a lot of the other things that I read in more "severe" cases of sociopaths, like the committing crimes, pathological lying, cheating on their lover (I almost ALWAYS hear that one), playing mind games and power games, ETC.....

      Hey Hot Sam, I have been well, thanks!!! How about you, how are you doing?

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    11. ALso M.Brig, I think the females are different in the way the disorder manifests in them too.... Alot of the time it seems like the females get diagnosed as "Borderline" (75% of borderlines are female) or "Histrionic" while a guy would get the "Antisocial" label..... But of course, there are always exceptions.

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    12. I think females can be sociopaths, in this case I don't know

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    13. I think that female sociopaths are way more seductive than the male ones, on the other hand i think that the male ones are more interested in power and power games.

      Of course i know that this is generalized and everyone is different, but it's the conclusion of my knowledge about male and female sociopaths.

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    14. Most definatly females can be sociopaths...... I have dated a DIAGNOSED one ;)

      GOD THAT WAS A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE!!!!!! LOL!

      Yeah MyMind, I think you are right about that, the female socios are more about creating "drama" and keeping the spotlight and attention on them, even if it is negative attention. In fact, negative attentiion is the attention they get and LIKE the most.

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    15. Yeah, i love negative attention too, no wonder, i am female.

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    16. I actually do not like negative attention.

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    17. LOL @ MyMind!!!!!

      Wow you are actually a female???? I qould have never guessed! You are cool as hell for a woman!!!!!! LOL!

      I dont think all females like negative attention, just the Cluster B, Axis 2 ones......

      It's interesting how similar you and M.Brig are for being of different sexes (I assume M.Brig is a male)

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    18. Haha yes I am a man. And so is MyMind haha he's just fucking with you. I assume he'll chime in in a moment

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    19. LMAO! Oh okay!!!! I was really thinking he was a female for a second there!!!!

      I thought to myself, wow MyMind and M.Brig would be the perfect sociopathic couple!!!! LOL

      That was funny right there ;)

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    20. Why did you do that? :( It was so delicious to read his post.

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    21. We could still be a gay couple.

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    22. My apologies MyMind. I do hope you arn't too angry with me :/

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    23. Haha oh yeah that anon yesterday thinks we're in love

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    24. No problem honey <3

      I just would have liked to play that game a little longer.^^

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    25. And sry Rich, it was too tempting, i couldn't resist. ;P

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    26. Yeah I know how that goes.. It's too tempting to resist

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    27. :) LOL it's okay MyMind I actually thought it was pretty funny ;)

      I missed the Anon who posted that they think you 2 are in love yesterday! lol I gotta go back and read that :)

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    28. i gotta admit that i'm thinking about the possibility that i have multiple personalities and am M Brig.

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    29. LMAO!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Hilarious!!!!

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    30. I need a movie/tv show advice.

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    31. Yeah, multiple times in german and english.

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    32. Unless you're a hipster, I doubt you'd like my media suggestions though

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    33. Back in the chair, wired up to the counters and bleepers, I sit through the horror show again: the images modified, so as to avoid habituation. This time, however, it's a different story. "I know the guy before me found these images nauseating," I hear myself saying. "But actually, to be honest, this time round I'm finding it hard to suppress a smile."

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    34. Are you trying to be subtle? it worked.

      No, i'm not a hipster as you might know, but i'm very open mindend about movies and shows.

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    35. Mad Men might be too boring for you I dunno. Ooh! Watch Lie To Me!! I think you'll love it.

      And yeah I was trying to be subtle there ;)

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    36. i already know lie to me, i loved it.

      Then add me ;D

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    37. ;) it's all a game haha
      I do really like you though

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    38. Everything is a game :)

      I like you too, and i love our conversations and games ;)

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    39. Watch Breaking Bad!

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  4. Im pretty sure m.e. posted this as a joke. "I dont cheat on my partner becase i respect him".... WTF does that even mean?!?

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    Replies
    1. Try not to think too hard on it, you might hurt yourself.

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  5. There is an old adage: Only a fool tries to understand a woman or M.E.

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  6. M. BrigFebruary 6, 2013 at 7:22 PM

    Monica, why exactly do you feel sad when you read "depressing-sad" news? What is going trough your head when you read it that makes you feel that way?



    I moved this up because it is too hard to read from yesterday. I thought someone would ask me this question and I want to be honest.

    I am probably thinking "What if it were me?" I am probably selfish in my being upset. However, when I heard the father of the Navy Seal who lost his son, I cried for him because I could empathize with the great pain he had. So, I don't think it is selfish, all the time. My closest friend has a daughter who is his whole life. If something happened to her, it would be like an actual pain, to me. It would be because I "was him" at that moment and could feel from out of his eyes. Maybe, that is empathy.

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    1. Oh wow that is so hard to comprehend. So other people actually become a part of
      you?

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    2. Yes, she feasts on their entrails.

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    3. Yes, M. Brig--in a sense of simpatico with that person, at the moment.

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    4. You mean you have empathy? Good job.

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  7. Me it appears you have accepted who you are and mastered the challenges. I think your intelligence and choices have brought you where you are today. At a good place.

    On another note would it be wise to accept the fact not all empaths are the same and you can not put them in the same box as your bloggers have. How can you expect empaths to accept the different levels of psychopaths when you can not do the same towards empaths?

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    1. ^ I reread the article and found it was from a reader. I was too quick to think it was you, ME when I had a bone to chew on about other articles.

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  8. I was thinking about Ellicit and the therapy. The therapy model has certain constrictions. One is that kind of "fake empathy" you were talking about. In any group, there is group think. The world of Psychology is not different. However, if you see someone who speaks his mind, he will, often, get famous like Dr Phil( whether or not you like him ) People are hungry for honesty. Think about Judge Judy or Dr Laura( whom I could not stand). They all speak their personal truth, though. You need to find a genuine, authentic person who will tell it like it is and call you on your stuff imo.
    If not, it will be like canned food :P

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  9. I'm a neurotypical person and I have a wonderful sociopath in my life who is teaching me how to be honest with myself in ways a fellow empath has never done. I adore her. If you can have love and honesty with someone isn't that enough?

    http://www.storybookcastle.com/stories/stories/?source_file=the_peasant_the_snake_and_the_fox

    (THE PEASANT, THE SNAKE, AND THE FOX)

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    1. I too am a neurotypical person and my best friend is also neurotypical. She has brought love, joy, intelligence, insight and compassion to my life that other sociopaths could not bring to the relationship. I trust her and we have great times and laughter.

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    2. Cute story.

      When you decide to tell a lie, you should be careful not to fall for the lie yourself.

      Better yet, avoid lying in the first place.

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    3. Haven't you learned "the first liar doesn't stand a chance."

      But my story was true. Sorry.........

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    4. I was referring to the story 'The Peasant, the Snake, and the Fox', obviously.

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    5. The 10:18 post was in response to the 939 and 1007 posts.

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    6. Anon 10:21
      LOL, obviously.

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  10. I am in a shallow grave. I have been there for days. Rain covers my face. I am drowning. I give in, as there is peace in surrender. Off in the distance, I hear voices. There is a manhunt, as if I mattered. Then, they pull me up, like you would a 500 pound person, who was stuck in his home. When I am better, I thank them, but there is no amount that will do because they saved my life.

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    1. I will tell you about my death process. I was waiting. I could not reach to take the water off my face because I was paralyzed. I had fought so long that the giving up was peaceful. The dark is like a dream. It is like before you fall into a deep sleep, when you are very tired. It calls you, with it's sweetness but it was not my time, as evidenced by the people coming to get me.

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    2. I did not know I was being strangled, until it stopped. That is funny. Not ha ha funny, but fucking funny. I was walking around with the henchman's noose on my neck and thinking it was a Versace scarf.You don't know what you don't know, or some other saying that always comes true and makes you hate it, worse.

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  12. I could write that post. Word to word. (Well, maybe except for lead.) But I wanted to answer to question "Why she thinks she's a sociopath?". In my case I found out while reading posts here and stories of sociopaths/psychopats. I felt familiar with them. More familiar than with "normal" people stories and thoughts. But am I sociopath, mild sociopath or just from-time-to-time sociopathic (for instance, neurotic people can behave sociopathic when they find their sort of a code)? I don't know. I still can be on a scale, tho.

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    1. Have you thought of being diagnosed? It appears you have many questions.

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    2. Does it matter? I'm not sure what the point of getting a label is. It's not like you can get started on an antisociopathent and expect to see relief in 6-8 weeks. There isn't even effective therapy.

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  14. I don't think the person being described up there is a psychopath...

    I will add that the proportion of psychopaths is the same, what is increasing is the number of people with psychopathic behavior. Being a real psychopath and acting like a psychopath are not the same thing.

    IMO this is due to society... society is pushing us into psychopathic behavior... this rat race called life.

    It is not that sociopath are most successful, it is that people that behave like psychos are more likely to succeed.

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    1. I think those that are intelligent, disciplined, educated and driven go fast up the ladder but other socios are terminated that lied about their qualifications and cause employee conflicts.

      I think it still holds true "you can be replaced."

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  15. Replies
    1. wow, that was good. Thanks for putting it up.

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  16. Having your own code does not make you a sociopath. Mormons have their own codes and quite different than the rest of the world. Suicide killers may also have their own codes and they may be narcissistic but not necessarily a sociopath. Why not give us some details from your 'code?

    "Drawn to power because it fills the void," but I can't have an extramarital affair. lol. Sociopaths who won't fuck kill. Have you killed anyone lately?

    Such BS this post is. A vegetarian, respectable sociopatht. Sociopath light, floating in the air, lol.

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    1. Agreed. Reading this I couldn't decide if the writer was kidding herself or the joke was on us readers. QM

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    2. Hiya, Rich

      You had a good point earlier about S presenting differently in females. I don't know much about it, but it's a good point. QM

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    3. Hey anon, I think a lot of the sociopathic females present as either borderline, histrionic, or narcissistic. Some do get the antisocial label, but a lot less than really deserve it get that label as a female in my opinion.

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    4. Yeah, and I can't help but think the difference in female brain structure and the effect of estrogen and progesterone, plus socialization make a difference in S women. I almost want to say you can see a purer expression of sociopathy in men. I think women feign emotions and empathy better, and may have slightly different aims. Maybe women's idea of having power or what we want power over is different. I wish it was better understood. QM

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    5. BAM QM!!!!

      "I almost want to say you can see a purer expression of sociopathy in men."

      I think that right there hit it right on the head!!!!!

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    6. Maybe it would be more helpful to just identify people as being Cluster B.

      Also, I wonder if S women are capable of or more likely to feel fear or at least awareness that we're smaller and not as strong. I wish someone would go study this and come back and answer all my questions~ QM

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    7. QM, they'd also have to look at impact of intelligence, age, culture, socio-economic background, head injury/organic disorder, maybe thinking style (logical, intuitive, feeling), and sexual orientation.

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    8. women learn to be sociopathic to survive. maybe the sociopathy isn't less pure as much as there is a less noticeable difference on the surface. you don't need empathy to manipulate, though it helps.

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    9. Right, all that would have an effect. I think less noticeable is a good way to put it.

      Do you think the conditions that influence women to be more S are different from what influence men? And I hope you don't mind my asking, but are you S yourself? QM

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    10. i'm empath i guess.

      i'm intuitive rather than feeling with respect to thinking style. that doesn't mean i don't feel but weigh intuition against feelings. i'm also a chameleon and pretty good at manipulating and reading people, and i value awareness more than emotion. my mind needs tons of exercise. i like taking risks.

      the difference is i don't understand the need to play games or dominate others, am not really drawn to power, and have a conscience which is a sort of framework within which i have to operate. but it's more dynamic than static and not based on religious or political doctrine. i think craving for power must come from some lack, or i just don't understand it. i feel apart but not alienated, and like to socialize as much as being alone. i've never felt emptiness inside.

      i like to play around at being glib. but can stop. :-)

      more or less. i'm a bit drunk. friday and all.

      you?

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    11. hard to tell if conditions influence women differently. i had awareness of myself before i knew i was female, so female is just another layer to wear, not the core me. nevertheless, i don't like sports and do like flowey cool clothing, a bit of makeup, and looking female. if i were a sociopath conditions could influence me in the same way, i could even express myself in the same way as a i guy might, but the world would see a woman and interpret through that filter.

      you have to be clear if you're talking about the other person's actually behaviour or the interpretation by others, how others see him in their heads? i don't know how you'd ever do that because all we have is how we see others in our minds, never the actual person.

      so i don't know. until we can weigh sociopathy, measure it's temperature, ph balance, run it through a mass spectrometer, we'll never really know what if anything is there beyond the filter of our own minds.

      or something like that. time for bed... !

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    12. So, you sound pretty balanced on emotions and morals and extroversion. Are you just randomly interested in psychology or do you know people who are S? I know people who are. I came here looking for info on others and discovered a lot applies to me, as well, but I don't think I'm sufficiently charming to be considered an S. I have a lot of the other traits though.

      I don't think dominance comes from a lack, at least not for me. Like I don't think an alpha dog is missing anything, you know? QM

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    13. "if i were a sociopath conditions could influence me in the same way, i could even express myself in the same way as a i guy might, but the world would see a woman and interpret through that filter." << Really good point!

      Besides the physiological stuff, gender affects anger and aggression, and communication style, which could maybe cause S to appear differently in women. (?) But you're right, unless we can tie the diagnosis to a brain scan or DNA test, this is just conjecture. On the other hand, once there's data on S women, contrasting any gender differences would tell us a lot about the effect of environment on S. QM

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    14. you're right. the data would also eliminate the need for conjecture on our part which is tainted by our perceptions.

      have you ever been stuck in traffic and heard someone honking the horn like a crazy person? they're in a teeny little car and it's hilarious because the horn is making this teeny little sound, like some little bug eyed barking dog that has worked itself up into a frenzy. you can't take the honking car seriously. but it might still run you down if sufficiently provoked and do quite a bit of damage,

      more later on your other comment

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    15. Hey Zoe, I'm not following on the car - what do you mean? QM

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    16. QM, women have higher pitched voices. they just sound crazy when they're shrieking whereas a man bellowing sounds scarier. the man is taken more seriously when he's angry.

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    17. so the same impulses that get translated to action might look very different to the observer. a woman bellowing and punching a hole in the wall would seem demented, but with a man you might conclude some horrible thing happened to him. we expect different behaviours.

      but then we expect the same manifestations of sociopathy in each gender. it's not realistic. to use cancer as an analogy, that's a bit like expecting to see testicular cancer in a woman when you haven't yet figured out which part is the cancer and which part the testicles.

      might be better to look at sociopathy in men more closely?

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    18. So, you sound pretty balanced on emotions and morals and extroversion. Are you just randomly interested in psychology or do you know people who are S? I know people who are. I came here looking for info on others and discovered a lot applies to me, as well, but I don't think I'm sufficiently charming to be considered an S. I have a lot of the other traits though.

      what other traits do you have? you seem pretty intelligent.

      i like the conversations here, all the questioning, and banter. it helps me to manage the more difficult family and colleagues. not sure if they're S because we haven't adequately defined S. i write too, so delving in people's inner states is another reason why this place is compelling.

      i've been around IT and business types who need to be smart, and artist types who need to be special. very few question and explore their existence. the mindset here seems rare to me.

      I don't think dominance comes from a lack, at least not for me. Like I don't think an alpha dog is missing anything, you know? QM

      i have two male cats. one does the rounds outside, marks his territory even though he's fixed, fights with other cats (the pretty domestic ones), and swaggers when he walks, especially after he does his rounds when he's feeling good. he follows visitors around the house, while the other one hides.

      the other one is a big chicken with people, likes to eat and sleep, and doesn't get worked up over territory issues. he's actually the alpha but it only shows when he wants something. he eats from the first guy's dish and takes over his favourite spots. he brings home mangy feral cats for me to feed and completely dominates them while my other cat hides from them!

      so showy alpha i think is just wanna be alpha with maybe issues?

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    19. I would not have made that connection, but the metaphor works. Screaming does sound ridiculous, more so in women and that goes back to your point about the world interpreting women's behavior through a different filter.

      But on the cancer thing, I think we're looking at the same situation and somehow drawing opposite conclusions. To me it's like thinking I may have a problem with my uterus or ovaries, but only being able to find information on testicular cancer. How is that supposed to help me? QM

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    20. Yeah, people are rarely open about their motives so being able to talk here is nice, especially since empaths sort of enforce social norms that I don't fit too well!

      Your kitties sound like trips. I miss having cats. QM

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    22. i love them but am never having cats again. they're too borderline

      yeah maybe cancer was not the best analogy. sociopathy is a concept that defies definition.

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    23. cats too borderline < funny! QM

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  17. I am like the creature from the black lagoon. I am water logged and laden with seaweed. It drips off me, like spider webs. I am a fright. I do care about certain niceties, like my room fragrance, Fig. When you come into my house, it smells good. I, always, wear make-up, too. It is not too much, just enough. Then, I go outside and go about my business. Sometimes, the water drips under my skirt, as I go from my car to the store. I act like I didn't see it or it is an accident from someone else. I have been doing it so long that it is natural.

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  18. Gulp. Is this usual on this site?

    ReplyDelete

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