Friday, February 22, 2013

Character (part 2)

The other reason for some sort of behavioral code is the idea of character. When I think of identity, I think of a mirror that reflects nothing back. When I think of personality, I think of the masks that I wear when I interact with people. Or maybe I think of the way my brain is wired, the things I think about when I'm not trying to think of anything in particular or anything at all. I have a limited degree of control over these things, if any at all.

The only self-descriptive word that I seem to identify with is the word character. To me, character is the sum of choices that I've made, about myself and what I choose to say and do from day to day. Maybe other sociopaths don't do that sort of math, but I do. Maybe it's because I have one friend who lives life beautifully, and I think, why not me too? I make a thousand choices every day, why not give them some sort of theme? Some sense of cohesion aesthetic appeal?

I thought this Atlantic article made some good points about the upside of living life with character:


It has been estimated that the average American tells 11 lies per week. Is this bad for us? Suppose we knew that a lie would never be detected, nor would we be punished. Suppose we had some means of ensuring that the lie would never cause us any physical or psychological harm through loss of sleep or the like. Suppose even that telling the lie would actually redound to our benefit, at least in the sense that it would secure us the pleasure, status, wealth, or power that those fudging the truth commonly seek. Under these circumstances, would it still make sense to tell the truth? Or would lying becoming the prudent course of action?

In his 2005 runaway philosophy best seller, On Bullshit, Princeton University's Harry Frankfurt distinguishes between lying and what he called "bullshit." Though liars do not tell the truth, they care about it, while the bullshitter does not even care about the truth and seeks merely to impress. Liars tell deliberate untruths, while bullshitters merely do not admit when they do not know something. This is a particularly pervasive form of untruth in my own orbits, medicine and academia, where people wish others to believe that we know more than we do. So instead of saying, "I don't know," we make things up, merely giving the appearance of knowledge while actually saying nothing.
***

Perhaps the most powerful moral argument for honesty has to do with what the French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre called "bad faith." Liars deceive others, but in a sense, liars also deceive themselves. When we lie we tend to distort our own view of reality, and the more often we lie, the more habitual this distortion becomes. Over time, the habit of lying divorces us further and further from reality, so we see less and less clearly the choices before us and what is at stake in them. Eventually, we may find ourselves unable to see what we are really doing and how it is affecting others and ourselves. We end up leading inauthentic and irresponsible lives.

To tell the truth is to live authentically and responsibly, to really live. At times we may make honest mistakes, misperceiving what is really happening, failing to see things in appropriate context, or even operating unknowingly on deliberate untruths. Whenever possible, however, we should be honest with others and ourselves. When we are honest, we ground ourselves most completely in the world we actually inhabit, being as real as we can with others, and reducing as much as possible the distance between the way things seem to be and the way they really are. In the final analysis, honesty means avoiding illusion and unreality, instead keeping life as real as we possibly can.



Maybe it's because I grew up with a narcissist father that living a life of delusion does not appeal.

57 comments:

  1. I think the same way, only with a narcissist mother. Her web of self-delusions only seem to make her life stressful.

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    Replies
    1. What about yours?

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    2. i dont experience much stress so i assume they must be effective.... whatever they are.

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    3. you assume what must be effective? Your own self delusions?

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    4. Yes. I dont stress myself out maintaining self-images, beliefs or ideals, no matter how pleasant they are. I can take them or leave them. On the other hand, I see my narcissistic mother frequently enraged when her (very positive) sense of self and reality is threatened, entirely unconcerned with the harm such tantrums bring socially and physiologically.

      I dont want to be crushed protecting a makeshift shelter.

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    5. That said, I take credible threats to my perception seriously without simply rolling with every little punch that comes my way. Ill force myself to embrace them, in my mind, so that I may fully explore new ways of thinking while minimizing the bias of my innate preference for the (usually more positive) status quo.

      Once I exhuast the novelty of a new concept (understood its positives as well as negatives), I can objectively look at the merits of both sides and decide whether change is in order.

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    6. oh. I think i do that with my feelings.

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  2. A woman can be one of the most impatient creatures upon the face of this earth. I believe that's the reason why they have to walk around with a heavy lump for 9 months... a little lesson in patience.

    I used to get a lot of road-rage, and its landed me in court, in jail, and this is all due to my impatience.

    Patience really is a marvellous thing, it brings down stress, puts others at ease, it really is a stylish quality to have.

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    Replies
    1. Are you male or female?

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    2. The reason I mentioned that women are pretty impatient in general, is because I had a few encounters with some of these wild beasts on the road today.

      When they would get really close up behind me, I would deliberately slow down and enter geriatric mode from there, I love doing that.

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    3. So you feel that because you're road ragey, they are going to get that way?

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    4. It's not that hard.

      The lesson is, that if you're going to push people's buttons to get something out of it, it's going to have the opposite effect.

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    5. i still dont get it. were they pushing your buttins or were u pushing theirs?

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  3. :) Good Morning Sociopathworld!!!!

    Happy Friday To All!!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Hello Rich!

      I hope you are well, today!

      When you think of identity what do you see in yourself?

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    2. Happy Friday Everyone!

      Friday is highday. :D

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    3. Hey Anon and MyMind!!!!


      Anon- Well, I identify as an empath so picture all of the stuff that comes along witht that.........

      Mymind- Feiday is definatly high day! Iam crackin my first beer right now :)

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    4. Mitch the Uber FraudFebruary 22, 2013 at 8:01 PM

      Stop lying Rich

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  4. This last one was for Edvard. I was on the phone and got screwed up

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  5. "It has been estimated that the average American tells 11 lies per week."

    Holy fuck.. Only 11??? Multiply that by like 100

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  6. "When I think of identity, I think of a mirror that reflects nothing back."

    It hurts me to feel this way. Does it hurt anyone else?

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    Replies
    1. Woah, you must be like, a Vampire or something.

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    2. Intimacy Anon
      You are not alone, dear one.

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    3. it pisses me off that i cant see myself. i dont even bother putting effort into grooming/makeup unless its for a specific purpose.

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    4. who the fuck puts on makeup if it isnt for a purpose?

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  7. When I think of my identity and personality I think of how I am by myself.

    Everything else is slightly altered depending on who I'm with or what my goal for the relationship is.

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  8. It's very interesting the way today's post ties character and honesty into narcissism. It's one thing to be fully aware of the lies we tell others, but the lies we tell to ourselves are the slipperiest of all.

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  9. Im not sure in my ex is a sociopath or not. I been reading the victims stories and I can realte to all of them. I recently broke up with my ex for the second time in November because I caught him in the shower with some girl from the gym. We have been dating for 5 years. The first time I broke up with I found out he was taking his exwife to Cancun on a couple trip. When I broke up he immediatly had another girlfriend and took her to Cancun and a week later announced he was getting engage, then a couple months later he begged me to come back that I was the only girl he connected with. In the 5 years we dated he lied, cheated, lost house, lost 2 cars, friends, family, hospitalized with bleeding ulcers, weight dropped to 105lbs, in Psych Wart for major depression, I got a DUI, and major accidents. Im an attractive women and can have any man I want but I went from having JLO confidence to no confidence. This is my second time leaving him and again immediatly moved in another women and not the one I caught him with in the shower. Ive noticed that the women he gets in relationships with are good for his current situation and when that situation is resolve he contacts me and spoils me until I come back and he behaves for a few months are starts his lying and cheating. How do I break this stupid cycle? Right now Im into church and he called me the other day to tell me that God spoke to him and he knows his calling now but I havent heard from him yet. I dont know what to do.

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    1. I really don't understand how you love to get cheated again and again. He basically needs you, he keeps switching onto different women, but the end he comes back to you,very weird thing you haven't realized yet. Don't give him another chance say that you are done with him, that will give you the greatest satisfaction or should I say should give you the greatest satisfaction.

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  10. Im not sure in my ex is a sociopath or not. I been reading the victims stories and I can relate to all of them. I recently broke up with my ex for the second time in November because I caught him in the shower with some girl from the gym. We have been dating for 5 years. The first time I broke up with I found out he was taking his exwife to Cancun on a couple trip. When I broke up he immediatly hooked up with exgirlfriend and took her to Cancun instead of exwife as planned. A week later announced he was getting engaged to exgirlfriend, then a couple months later he begged me to come back and stated that I was the only girl he connected with, so I took him back. In the 5 years we dated he lied, cheated, I lost house,I lost 2 cars,I lost friends, I lost family,I was hospitalized with bleeding ulcers, my weight dropped to 105lbs, ended up in Psych Wart for major depression, I got a DUI, and I got into major accidents. Im an attractive women, I can have any man I want but I went from having JLO confidence to no confidence. This is my second time leaving him and again immediatly moved in another women and not the one I caught him with in the shower. Ive noticed that the women he gets in relationships with are good for his current situation and when that situation is resolved he contacts me and spoils me until I come back and he behaves for a few months, and then he starts his lying and cheating. How do I break this stupid cycle? Right now Im into church and he called me the other day to tell me that God spoke to him and he knows his calling now but I havent heard from him yet. I dont know what to do or what to expect. I need advice. Please

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    1. Be strong. It will pass. Eventually. You were robbed of your spirit, but your soul remains. Hate will feed the fire to burn him out of your heart. Trust will seem impossible, but at least now you know that the coward vampires hide in the shadows of lies. the wolf in sheep's clothing. They only reflect what you give them. Be boring, bland, & apathetic. They can't feed on cabbage. once the cancer is gone, and you have been in remission for 6-12 months. believe in trust again and you will know the difference. Promise:) Go humans!

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  11. This is my opinion as a Born Again Christian. If he had a true Born Again experience, he would not be a sociopath, anymore. If he did not, he would be the same, as he ever was. Good Luck to you!

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    Replies
    1. Opinion doesn't mean anything in the face of Fact.

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    2. Thank you Monica for responding, Based on some of the facts I read about sociopath that they will do or say whatever to keep the victim around. He knows I hate when he gives me silent treatment but also knows if he does not reach out, that I start moving on with my life and start dating others. He knows I have plenty of men that are interested and tries to accussed me of being a ho.

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    3. Monica, I also want to mention that he is still with the girl that he moved in with and has not mention no more of his visions anymore. He just tells me to have a great day every morning.

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  12. Just on pure facts alone, he is, probably, the same as he ever was. You are probably addicted to him, just as someone is addicted to heroin.

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    1. Thats what I thought. He is not going to change. This man was never been there when I had any crisis. I had a boob removed and he was not there, I was in hospital with bleeding ulcers and he was not there, my cousin died and the only reason why he wanted to see me is because I dump him. Ive cried in front of him and begged him to stop hurting me or leave me alone and he roll over and fell asleep and the next day acted like nothing. He says that he will never leave me alone and that I better not be with anybody else. Now that in church he encourages me to keep focus on my goal and put God first. Does this mean that he is going to leave me alone. I am so sorry for asking this questions but I do not know how to handle him. Im scared to just dump him like you normally dump somebody because I dont know what he will do.

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    2. Yes, you are wise to be careful about dumping him. M.E has articles on how to get rid of a sociopath. You have to make him think it is his idea, not yours. You have to make yourself so unattractive, in some way, that he dumps you.

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  14. If there is anybody out there that can help me. I stopped talking to him and he is now texting me and not pursuing me. But I think he is just keeping tabs on me because he is not done with the girl he is with or he is busy with new victim.

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  15. I just saw Independence Day with Will Smith. I love the scene where he asks the Alien (Sociopath?) "what do you want us to do?" and the Alien (Sociopath?) replies, "Die." It was such a Sociopathic (Non-Human) answer! Then the Alien (Sociopath?) Mind-Controls the president into seeing their plan for Humanity - "Like locusts, moving from planet to planet, their whole civilization killing the native population and after theý've consumed every natural resource they move on." Then the President says, "Nuke them." I liked that part. I especially like the scene where they upload a computer virus into the Mother ship. ;) Just felt like sharing. Thanks again for your blog, and all your good works, Sociopaths. Thanks again Sociopaths, you're doing God's work :)

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  16. I am tied, bound at the ankles and hands, on the hard chair. I could kill the people who did this to me, like Samson when he pulls down the pillars in the stadium. There is no revenge that will ever be enough, so why start?

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  17. Confucious said, "Revenge is a feast for the ingore ant:)" That reminds me of my favorite scene from In Depend Ants Day when the poor guy who was trapped by the Aliens (Sociopaths?) in his own body his whole life flies his plane into the Mother Ship and destroys the invading Aliens (Sociopaths?) BTW - wouldn't it be interesting if Aliens (Sociopaths?) were watching us from outer space and we looked like little ants to them? Thanks again for your blog Sociopaths (Invading Alien Locusts?) and thanks again for your good works. You beings (Aliens?) are doing god's work ;)

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  18. With the hate I have, I could fuel a power plant, but I am as impotent as a man who is in the Ritz Carlton with caviar, champagne and a beautiful girl, but for the life of him, he is as limp as a dish rag.

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  19. I keep my mind like a trained athlete. When I see someone lose it, I know that the damn opened and he could breathe for once in his fucking life. I know that, at that moment, he was as free as he had ever been. Then, he atones for it, like being in hell. You know, you can never leave.

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  20. I think about death, all the time. Is that normal? Today, my legs couldn't move.I was walking, slowly,like a nursing home patient, shuffling in his slippers. I thought about that moment of surrender. I crave comfort, if I could say I crave anything. If I could snort it, I would. I would do most anything for a cool hand on my perpetually fevered brow.

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    Replies
    1. My Dear Sofa. The hurt, the pain. Face the sun and smile. Slow time is a blink of an eye as the handle turns the stone to dust. Comfort lie in bed.

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    2. Thank you, dear Anon <3

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